Chapter 26

EnterValentine,andViolain man's attire.Val.If the Duke continue these favours towards you,Cesario, you are like to be much advanced: he hath knownyou but three days, and already you are no stranger.Vio.You either fear his humour or my negligence,5that you call in question the continuance of his love: is heinconstant, sir, in his favours?Val.No, believe me.Vio.I thank you. Here comes thecount.EnterDuke,Curio,andAttendants.Duke.Who saw Cesario, ho?10Vio.On your attendance, my lord; here.Duke.Stand you a while aloof. Cesario,Thou know'st no less but all; I have unclasp'dTo thee the book even of my secret soul:Therefore, good youth, address thy gait unto her;15Be not denied access, stand at her doors,And tell them, there thy fixed foot shall growTill thou have audience.Vio.Sure, my noble lord,If she be so abandon'd to her sorrowAs it is spoke, she never will admit me.20Duke.Be clamorous and leap all civil boundsRather than make unprofited return.Vio.Say I do speak with her, my lord, what then?Duke.O, then unfold the passion of my love,Surprise her with discourse of my dear faith:25It shall become thee well to act my woes;She will attend it better in thy youthThan in anuncio'sof more grave aspect.Vio.I think not so, my lord.Duke.Dear lad, believe it;For they shall yet belie thy happy years,30That say thou art a man: Diana's lipIs not more smooth and rubious; thy small pipeIs as the maiden's organ, shrilland sound;And all is semblative a woman's part.I know thy constellation is right apt35For this affair. Some four or five attend him;All, if you will; for I myself am bestWhen least in company. Prosper well in this,And thou shalt live as freely as thy lord,To call his fortunes thine.Vio.I'll do my best40To woo yourlady:[Aside]yet,a barfulstrife!Whoe'er I woo, myself would be his wife.[Exeunt.

EnterValentine,andViolain man's attire.

Val.If the Duke continue these favours towards you,Cesario, you are like to be much advanced: he hath knownyou but three days, and already you are no stranger.

Val.If the Duke continue these favours towards you,

Cesario, you are like to be much advanced: he hath known

you but three days, and already you are no stranger.

Vio.You either fear his humour or my negligence,5that you call in question the continuance of his love: is heinconstant, sir, in his favours?

Vio.You either fear his humour or my negligence,

that you call in question the continuance of his love: is he

inconstant, sir, in his favours?

Val.No, believe me.

Vio.I thank you. Here comes thecount.

EnterDuke,Curio,andAttendants.

Duke.Who saw Cesario, ho?

10Vio.On your attendance, my lord; here.

Vio.On your attendance, my lord; here.

Duke.Stand you a while aloof. Cesario,Thou know'st no less but all; I have unclasp'dTo thee the book even of my secret soul:Therefore, good youth, address thy gait unto her;15Be not denied access, stand at her doors,And tell them, there thy fixed foot shall growTill thou have audience.

Duke.Stand you a while aloof. Cesario,

Thou know'st no less but all; I have unclasp'd

To thee the book even of my secret soul:

Therefore, good youth, address thy gait unto her;

Be not denied access, stand at her doors,

And tell them, there thy fixed foot shall grow

Till thou have audience.

Vio.Sure, my noble lord,If she be so abandon'd to her sorrowAs it is spoke, she never will admit me.

Vio.Sure, my noble lord,

If she be so abandon'd to her sorrow

As it is spoke, she never will admit me.

20Duke.Be clamorous and leap all civil boundsRather than make unprofited return.

Duke.Be clamorous and leap all civil bounds

Rather than make unprofited return.

Vio.Say I do speak with her, my lord, what then?

Duke.O, then unfold the passion of my love,Surprise her with discourse of my dear faith:25It shall become thee well to act my woes;She will attend it better in thy youthThan in anuncio'sof more grave aspect.

Duke.O, then unfold the passion of my love,

Surprise her with discourse of my dear faith:

It shall become thee well to act my woes;

She will attend it better in thy youth

Than in anuncio'sof more grave aspect.

Vio.I think not so, my lord.

Duke.Dear lad, believe it;For they shall yet belie thy happy years,30That say thou art a man: Diana's lipIs not more smooth and rubious; thy small pipeIs as the maiden's organ, shrilland sound;And all is semblative a woman's part.I know thy constellation is right apt35For this affair. Some four or five attend him;All, if you will; for I myself am bestWhen least in company. Prosper well in this,And thou shalt live as freely as thy lord,To call his fortunes thine.

Duke.Dear lad, believe it;

For they shall yet belie thy happy years,

That say thou art a man: Diana's lip

Is not more smooth and rubious; thy small pipe

Is as the maiden's organ, shrilland sound;

And all is semblative a woman's part.

I know thy constellation is right apt

For this affair. Some four or five attend him;

All, if you will; for I myself am best

When least in company. Prosper well in this,

And thou shalt live as freely as thy lord,

To call his fortunes thine.

Vio.I'll do my best40To woo yourlady:[Aside]yet,a barfulstrife!Whoe'er I woo, myself would be his wife.[Exeunt.

Vio.I'll do my best

To woo yourlady:[Aside]yet,a barfulstrife!

Whoe'er I woo, myself would be his wife.[Exeunt.

LINENOTES:Scene iv.]Scene v.Pope.TheDuke'spalace.]The Palace. Rowe.[8]count]Ff.DukeRowe.[9]Enter ...]Ff (after line 7).Curio, and Attendants.]attended. Capell.[27]nuncio's]Ff.nuncioTheobald.[32]and sound]in soundAnon. conj.[40]lady]lady[Exit Duke] Johnson.[Aside]Capell.a barful]F4.a barrefullF1 F2 F3.O banefulPope.O barfulCollier (Thirlby conj. MS.),a woefulDaniel conj.

LINENOTES:

Scene iv.]Scene v.Pope.

TheDuke'spalace.]The Palace. Rowe.

[8]count]Ff.DukeRowe.

[9]Enter ...]Ff (after line 7).

Curio, and Attendants.]attended. Capell.

[27]nuncio's]Ff.nuncioTheobald.

[32]and sound]in soundAnon. conj.

[40]lady]lady[Exit Duke] Johnson.

[Aside]Capell.

a barful]F4.a barrefullF1 F2 F3.O banefulPope.O barfulCollier (Thirlby conj. MS.),a woefulDaniel conj.

EnterMariaandClown.Mar.Nay, either tell me where thou hast been, or Iwill not open my lips so wide as a bristle may enter in wayof thy excuse: my lady will hang thee for thy absence.Clo.Let her hang me: he that is well hanged in this5world needsto fearnocolours.Mar.Make that good.Clo.He shall see none to fear.Mar.A goodlentenanswer: I can tell thee where thatsaying was born, of 'I fear no colours.'10Clo.Where, good Mistress Mary?Mar.In the wars; and that may you be bold to sayin your foolery.Clo.Well, God give them wisdom that have it; andthose that are fools, let them use their talents.15Mar.Yet you will be hanged for being so long absent;or,to beturned away, is not that as good as ahanging to you?Clo.Manya good hanging prevents a bad marriage;and, forturning away, let summer bear it out.20Mar.Youare resolute, then?Clo.Not so, neither; but I am resolved on two points.Mar.That if one break, the other will hold; or, ifboth break, yourgaskinsfall.Clo.Apt, in good faith; very apt. Well, go thy way;25if Sir Toby would leave drinking, thou wert as witty apiece of Eve's flesh as any in Illyria.Mar.Peace, you rogue, no more o' that. Here comesmy lady: make your excuse wisely, you were best.[Exit.Clo.Wit,an'tbe thy will, put me intogoodfooling!30Those wits, that think they have thee, do very oft provefools; and I, that am sure I lack thee, may pass for a wiseman: for what says Quinapalus? 'Better a witty fool thana foolish wit.'EnterLadyOliviawithMalvolio.God bless thee,lady!35Oli.Take the fool away.Clo.Do you not hear, fellows? Take away the lady.Oli.Go to,you'rea dry fool; I'll no more of you: besides,you grow dishonest.Clo.Two faults,madonna, that drink and good counsel40will amend: for give the dry fool drink, then is the fool notdry: bid the dishonest man mend himself; if he mend, he isno longer dishonest; if he cannot, let the botcher mend him.Any thing that's mended is but patched: virtue that transgressesis but patched with sin; and sin that amends is but45patched with virtue. If that this simple syllogism will serve,so; if it will not, what remedy? As there is no truecuckoldbut calamity, so beauty's a flower. The lady bade takeaway the fool; therefore, I say again, take her away.Oli.Sir, I bade them take away you.50Clo.Misprision in the highest degree! Lady, cucullusnon facit monachum; that's as muchto say as I wearnotmotley in my brain. Good madonna, give me leave toprove you a fool.Oli.Can you do it?55Clo.Dexteriously, good madonna.Oli.Make your proof.Clo.I must catechize you for it, madonna: good mymouseof virtue,answer me.Oli.Well, sir, for want of other idleness, I 'llbideyour60proof.Clo.Good madonna, why mournest thou?Oli.Good fool, for my brother's death.Clo.I think his soul is in hell, madonna.Oli.I know his soul is in heaven, fool.65Clo.The morefool, madonna, to mourn for your brother'ssoul being in heaven. Take away the fool,gentlemen.Oli.What think you of this fool, Malvolio? doth henot mend?70Mal.Yes, and shall do till the pangs of death shakehim: infirmity, that decays the wise, doth ever makethebetter fool.Clo.God send you, sir, a speedy infirmity, for thebetter increasing your folly! Sir Toby will be sworn that75I am no fox; but he will not pass his word for two pencethat you are no fool.Oli.How say you to that, Malvolio?Mal.I marvel your ladyship takes delight in such abarren rascal: I saw him put down the other day with an80ordinary fool that has no morebrainthan a stone. Lookyou now, he's out of his guard already; unless you laughand minister occasion to him, he is gagged. I protest, Itakethese wise men, that crow so at these set kind of fools,no betterthan the fools' zanies.85Oli.O, you are sick of self-love, Malvolio, and tastewith a distempered appetite. To be generous,guiltlessandof free disposition, is to take those things for bird-bolts thatyou deem cannon-bullets: there is no slander in an allowedfool, though he do nothing but rail; nor no railing in a90known discreet man, though he do nothing but reprove.Clo.Now Mercury endue thee withleasing, for thouspeakest well of fools!Re-enterMaria.Mar.Madam, there is at the gate a young gentlemanmuch desires to speak with you.95Oli.From theCountOrsino, is it?Mar.I know not, madam: 'tis a fair young man, andwell attended.Oli.Who of my people hold him in delay?Mar.Sir Toby, madam, yourkinsman.100Oli.Fetch him off, I pray you; he speaks nothing butmadman: fie on him![Exit Maria.]Go you, Malvolio:if it be a suit from the count, I am sick, or not at home;what you will, to dismiss it.[Exit Malvolio.]Now yousee, sir, how your fooling grows old, and people dislike it.105Clo.Thou hast spoke for us, madonna, as if thy eldest sonshould be a fool; whose skull Jove cram with brains!for,—herehe comes,—one of thy kinhasa most weak pia mater.EnterSirToby.Oli.By mine honour, half drunk. What is he at thegate,cousin?110Sir To.A gentleman.Oli.A gentleman! what gentleman?Sir To.'Tis agentleman here—a plague o' these pickle-herring!How now, sot!Clo.Good Sir Toby!115Oli.Cousin, cousin, how have you come so early bythis lethargy?Sir To.Lechery! I defy lechery. There's one at the gate.Oli.Ay, marry, what is he?Sir To.Let him be the devil,anhe will, I care not:120give me faith, say I. Well, it's all one.[Exit.Oli.What's a drunken man like, fool?Clo.Like a drowned man, a fool and a mad man: onedraught above heat makes him a fool; the second madshim; and a third drowns him.125Oli.Go thou and seek thecrowner, and let him sit o'mycoz; for he's in the third degree of drink, he's drowned:go, look after him.Clo.He is but mad yet, madonna; and the fool shalllook to the madman.[Exit.Re-enterMalvolio.130Mal.Madam,yondyoung fellow swears he will speakwith you. I told him you were sick; he takes on him tounderstand so much, and therefore comes to speak withyou. I told him you were asleep; he seems to have aforeknowledge of that too, and therefore comes to speak135with you. What is to be said to him, lady? he's fortifiedagainst any denial.Oli.Tell him he shall not speak with me.Mal.Hasbeen told so; and he says, he'll stand atyour door like a sheriff's post,and bethe supportertoa140bench, but he'll speak with you.Oli.What kindo'man is he?Mal.Why, of mankind.Oli.What manner of man?Mal.Of very illmanner; he'll speak with you, will145you or no.Oli.Of what personage and years is he?Mal.Not yet old enough for a man, nor young enoughfor a boy; as a squash is before 'tis a peascod, or a codlingwhen 'tis almost an apple: 'tis with himinstanding water,150between boy and man. He is very well-favoured and hespeaks very shrewishly; one would think his mother's milkwere scarce out of him.Oli.Let him approach: call in my gentlewoman.Mal.Gentlewoman, my lady calls.[Exit.Re-enterMaria.155Oli.Give me my veil: come, throw it o'er my face.We'll once more hear Orsino's embassy.EnterViola,andAttendants.Vio.The honourable lady of the house, which is she?Oli.Speak to me; I shall answer for her. Your will?Vio.Most radiant, exquisite and unmatchable beauty,—I160pray you, tell me if this be the lady of the house, for Inever saw her: I would be loath to cast away my speech,for besides that it is excellently well penned, I have takengreat pains to con it. Good beauties, let me sustain noscorn; I am verycomptible, even to the least sinister usage.165Oli.Whence came you, sir?Vio.I can say little more than I have studied, andthat question's out of my part. Good gentle one, give memodest assurance if you be the lady of the house, that Imay proceed inmyspeech.170Oli.Are you a comedian?Vio.No, my profound heart: and yet, by the veryfangsof malice I swear, I am not that I play. Are youthe lady of the house?Oli.If I do not usurp myself, I am.175Vio.Most certain, if you are she, you do usurp your-self;for what is yours to bestow is not yours to reserve. Butthis is from my commission: I will on with my speech inyour praise, and then show you the heart of my message.Oli.Come to what is important in't: I forgive you the180praise.Vio.Alas, I took great pains to study it, and 'tispoetical.Oli.It is the more like to be feigned: I pray you, keepit in. I heard you were saucy at my gates,andallowed185your approach rather to wonder at you than to hear you.If you benot mad, be gone; if you have reason, be brief:'tis notthat time of moonwith me to make one in so skippinga dialogue.Mar.Will you hoist sail, sir? here lies your way.190Vio.No, good swabber; I am to hull here a littlelonger. Some mollification for your giant, sweet lady.Tellme your mind: I am a messenger.Oli.Sure, you have some hideous matter to deliver,when the courtesy of it is so fearful. Speak your office.195Vio.It alone concerns your ear. I bring no overtureof war, notaxationof homage: I hold theolivein myhand; my words are as full of peace as matter.Oli.Yet you began rudely. What are you? whatwould you?200Vio.The rudeness that hath appeared in me have Ilearned from my entertainment. What I am, and what Iwould, are assecret as maidenhead; to your ears, divinity,to anyother's, profanation.Oli.Give us the place alone: we will hear this divinity.205[Exeunt Maria and Attendants.]Now, sir, what is your text?Vio.Most sweet lady,—Oli.A comfortable doctrine, and much may be said ofit. Where liesyour text?Vio.In Orsino's bosom.210Oli.In his bosom! In what chapter of his bosom?Vio.To answer by the method, in the first of his heart.Oli.O, I have read it: it is heresy. Have you no moreto say?Vio.Good madam, let me see your face.215Oli.Have you any commission from your lord to negotiatewith my face? You are now out of your text: butwe will draw the curtain and show you the picture. Lookyou, sir, such a one I was this present:is'tnot well done?[Unveiling.Vio.Excellently done, if God did all.220Oli.'Tis in grain, sir; 'twill endure wind and weather.Vio.'Tis beauty truly blent, whose red and whiteNature's own sweet and cunning hand laid on:Lady, you are the cruell'st she alive,If you will lead these graces to the grave225And leave the world no copy.Oli.O, sir, I will not be so hard-hearted; I will giveout divers schedules of my beauty: it shall be inventoried,and every particle and utensil labelled to my will: as,item, two lips, indifferent red; item, two grey eyes, with230lids to them; item, one neck, one chin, and so forth. Wereyou sent hither topraiseme?Vio.I see you what you are, you are too proud;But, if you were the devil, you are fair.My lord and master loves you: O, such love235Couldbe but recompensed, though you were crown'dThe nonpareil of beauty!Oli.How does he love me?Vio.Withadorations, fertiletears,With groans that thunder love, with sighs of fire.Oli.Your lord does know my mind; I cannot love him:240Yet I suppose him virtuous, know him noble,Of great estate, of fresh and stainless youth;In voices well divulged, free, learn'd and valiant;And in dimension and the shape of natureA gracious person:butyet I cannot love him;245He might have took his answer long ago.Vio.If I did love you in my master's flame,With such a suffering, such a deadly life,In your denial I would find no sense;I would not understand it.Oli.Why, whatwould you?250Vio.Make me a willow cabin at your gate,And call upon my soul within the house;Write loyalcantonsof contemned loveAnd sing them loud even in the dead of night;Hallooyour name to thereverberatehills255And make the babbling gossip of the airCry out 'Olivia!' O, you should not restBetween the elements of air and earth,But you should pity me!Oli.Youmight do much.What is your parentage?260Vio.Above my fortunes, yet my state is well:I am a gentleman.Oli.Get you to your lord;I cannot love him: let him send no more;Unless, perchance, you come to me again,To tell me how he takes it. Fare you well:265I thank you for your pains: spend this for me.Vio.I am no fee'd post, lady; keep your purse:My master, not myself, lacks recompense.Love make his heart of flint that you shall love;And let your fervour, like my master's, be270Placed in contempt! Farewell, fair cruelty.[Exit.Oli.'What is your parentage?''Above my fortunes, yet my state is well:I am a gentleman.' I'll be sworn thou art;Thy tongue, thy face, thy limbs, actions, and spirit,275Do give thee five-fold blazon: not too fast:soft, soft!Unless themaster were the man. How now!Even so quickly may one catch the plague?Methinks I feel this youth'sperfectionsWith an invisible and subtle stealth280To creep in at mine eyes. Well, let it be.What ho, Malvolio!Re-enterMalvolio.Mal.Here, madam, at your service.Oli.Run after that same peevish messenger,Thecounty'sman: heleftthis ring behind him,Would I or not: tell him I'll none of it.285Desire him not to flatter with his lord,Nor hold him up with hopes; I am not for him:If that the youth will come this way to-morrow,I'll give himreasons for't: hie thee, Malvolio.Mal.Madam, I will.[Exit.290Oli.I do I know not what, and fear to findMine eye too great a flatterer for my mind.Fate, show thy force: ourselves we do notowe;What is decreed must be, and be this so.[Exit.

EnterMariaandClown.

Mar.Nay, either tell me where thou hast been, or Iwill not open my lips so wide as a bristle may enter in wayof thy excuse: my lady will hang thee for thy absence.

Mar.Nay, either tell me where thou hast been, or I

will not open my lips so wide as a bristle may enter in way

of thy excuse: my lady will hang thee for thy absence.

Clo.Let her hang me: he that is well hanged in this5world needsto fearnocolours.

Clo.Let her hang me: he that is well hanged in this

world needsto fearnocolours.

Mar.Make that good.

Clo.He shall see none to fear.

Mar.A goodlentenanswer: I can tell thee where thatsaying was born, of 'I fear no colours.'

Mar.A goodlentenanswer: I can tell thee where that

saying was born, of 'I fear no colours.'

10Clo.Where, good Mistress Mary?

Clo.Where, good Mistress Mary?

Mar.In the wars; and that may you be bold to sayin your foolery.

Mar.In the wars; and that may you be bold to say

in your foolery.

Clo.Well, God give them wisdom that have it; andthose that are fools, let them use their talents.

Clo.Well, God give them wisdom that have it; and

those that are fools, let them use their talents.

15Mar.Yet you will be hanged for being so long absent;or,to beturned away, is not that as good as ahanging to you?

Mar.Yet you will be hanged for being so long absent;

or,to beturned away, is not that as good as a

hanging to you?

Clo.Manya good hanging prevents a bad marriage;and, forturning away, let summer bear it out.

Clo.Manya good hanging prevents a bad marriage;

and, forturning away, let summer bear it out.

20Mar.Youare resolute, then?

Mar.Youare resolute, then?

Clo.Not so, neither; but I am resolved on two points.

Mar.That if one break, the other will hold; or, ifboth break, yourgaskinsfall.

Mar.That if one break, the other will hold; or, if

both break, yourgaskinsfall.

Clo.Apt, in good faith; very apt. Well, go thy way;25if Sir Toby would leave drinking, thou wert as witty apiece of Eve's flesh as any in Illyria.

Clo.Apt, in good faith; very apt. Well, go thy way;

if Sir Toby would leave drinking, thou wert as witty a

piece of Eve's flesh as any in Illyria.

Mar.Peace, you rogue, no more o' that. Here comesmy lady: make your excuse wisely, you were best.[Exit.

Mar.Peace, you rogue, no more o' that. Here comes

my lady: make your excuse wisely, you were best.[Exit.

Clo.Wit,an'tbe thy will, put me intogoodfooling!30Those wits, that think they have thee, do very oft provefools; and I, that am sure I lack thee, may pass for a wiseman: for what says Quinapalus? 'Better a witty fool thana foolish wit.'

Clo.Wit,an'tbe thy will, put me intogoodfooling!

Those wits, that think they have thee, do very oft prove

fools; and I, that am sure I lack thee, may pass for a wise

man: for what says Quinapalus? 'Better a witty fool than

a foolish wit.'

EnterLadyOliviawithMalvolio.

God bless thee,lady!

35Oli.Take the fool away.

Oli.Take the fool away.

Clo.Do you not hear, fellows? Take away the lady.

Oli.Go to,you'rea dry fool; I'll no more of you: besides,you grow dishonest.

Oli.Go to,you'rea dry fool; I'll no more of you: besides,

you grow dishonest.

Clo.Two faults,madonna, that drink and good counsel40will amend: for give the dry fool drink, then is the fool notdry: bid the dishonest man mend himself; if he mend, he isno longer dishonest; if he cannot, let the botcher mend him.Any thing that's mended is but patched: virtue that transgressesis but patched with sin; and sin that amends is but45patched with virtue. If that this simple syllogism will serve,so; if it will not, what remedy? As there is no truecuckoldbut calamity, so beauty's a flower. The lady bade takeaway the fool; therefore, I say again, take her away.

Clo.Two faults,madonna, that drink and good counsel

will amend: for give the dry fool drink, then is the fool not

dry: bid the dishonest man mend himself; if he mend, he is

no longer dishonest; if he cannot, let the botcher mend him.

Any thing that's mended is but patched: virtue that transgresses

is but patched with sin; and sin that amends is but

patched with virtue. If that this simple syllogism will serve,

so; if it will not, what remedy? As there is no truecuckold

but calamity, so beauty's a flower. The lady bade take

away the fool; therefore, I say again, take her away.

Oli.Sir, I bade them take away you.

50Clo.Misprision in the highest degree! Lady, cucullusnon facit monachum; that's as muchto say as I wearnotmotley in my brain. Good madonna, give me leave toprove you a fool.

Clo.Misprision in the highest degree! Lady, cucullus

non facit monachum; that's as muchto say as I wearnot

motley in my brain. Good madonna, give me leave to

prove you a fool.

Oli.Can you do it?

55Clo.Dexteriously, good madonna.

Clo.Dexteriously, good madonna.

Oli.Make your proof.

Clo.I must catechize you for it, madonna: good mymouseof virtue,answer me.

Clo.I must catechize you for it, madonna: good my

mouseof virtue,answer me.

Oli.Well, sir, for want of other idleness, I 'llbideyour60proof.

Oli.Well, sir, for want of other idleness, I 'llbideyour

proof.

Clo.Good madonna, why mournest thou?

Oli.Good fool, for my brother's death.

Clo.I think his soul is in hell, madonna.

Oli.I know his soul is in heaven, fool.

65Clo.The morefool, madonna, to mourn for your brother'ssoul being in heaven. Take away the fool,gentlemen.

Clo.The morefool, madonna, to mourn for your brother's

soul being in heaven. Take away the fool,

gentlemen.

Oli.What think you of this fool, Malvolio? doth henot mend?

Oli.What think you of this fool, Malvolio? doth he

not mend?

70Mal.Yes, and shall do till the pangs of death shakehim: infirmity, that decays the wise, doth ever makethebetter fool.

Mal.Yes, and shall do till the pangs of death shake

him: infirmity, that decays the wise, doth ever makethe

better fool.

Clo.God send you, sir, a speedy infirmity, for thebetter increasing your folly! Sir Toby will be sworn that75I am no fox; but he will not pass his word for two pencethat you are no fool.

Clo.God send you, sir, a speedy infirmity, for the

better increasing your folly! Sir Toby will be sworn that

I am no fox; but he will not pass his word for two pence

that you are no fool.

Oli.How say you to that, Malvolio?

Mal.I marvel your ladyship takes delight in such abarren rascal: I saw him put down the other day with an80ordinary fool that has no morebrainthan a stone. Lookyou now, he's out of his guard already; unless you laughand minister occasion to him, he is gagged. I protest, Itakethese wise men, that crow so at these set kind of fools,no betterthan the fools' zanies.

Mal.I marvel your ladyship takes delight in such a

barren rascal: I saw him put down the other day with an

ordinary fool that has no morebrainthan a stone. Look

you now, he's out of his guard already; unless you laugh

and minister occasion to him, he is gagged. I protest, I

takethese wise men, that crow so at these set kind of fools,

no betterthan the fools' zanies.

85Oli.O, you are sick of self-love, Malvolio, and tastewith a distempered appetite. To be generous,guiltlessandof free disposition, is to take those things for bird-bolts thatyou deem cannon-bullets: there is no slander in an allowedfool, though he do nothing but rail; nor no railing in a90known discreet man, though he do nothing but reprove.

Oli.O, you are sick of self-love, Malvolio, and taste

with a distempered appetite. To be generous,guiltlessand

of free disposition, is to take those things for bird-bolts that

you deem cannon-bullets: there is no slander in an allowed

fool, though he do nothing but rail; nor no railing in a

known discreet man, though he do nothing but reprove.

Clo.Now Mercury endue thee withleasing, for thouspeakest well of fools!

Clo.Now Mercury endue thee withleasing, for thou

speakest well of fools!

Re-enterMaria.

Mar.Madam, there is at the gate a young gentlemanmuch desires to speak with you.

Mar.Madam, there is at the gate a young gentleman

much desires to speak with you.

95Oli.From theCountOrsino, is it?

Oli.From theCountOrsino, is it?

Mar.I know not, madam: 'tis a fair young man, andwell attended.

Mar.I know not, madam: 'tis a fair young man, and

well attended.

Oli.Who of my people hold him in delay?

Mar.Sir Toby, madam, yourkinsman.

100Oli.Fetch him off, I pray you; he speaks nothing butmadman: fie on him![Exit Maria.]Go you, Malvolio:if it be a suit from the count, I am sick, or not at home;what you will, to dismiss it.[Exit Malvolio.]Now yousee, sir, how your fooling grows old, and people dislike it.

Oli.Fetch him off, I pray you; he speaks nothing but

madman: fie on him![Exit Maria.]Go you, Malvolio:

if it be a suit from the count, I am sick, or not at home;

what you will, to dismiss it.[Exit Malvolio.]Now you

see, sir, how your fooling grows old, and people dislike it.

105Clo.Thou hast spoke for us, madonna, as if thy eldest sonshould be a fool; whose skull Jove cram with brains!for,—herehe comes,—one of thy kinhasa most weak pia mater.

Clo.Thou hast spoke for us, madonna, as if thy eldest son

should be a fool; whose skull Jove cram with brains!for,—here

he comes,—one of thy kinhasa most weak pia mater.

EnterSirToby.

Oli.By mine honour, half drunk. What is he at thegate,cousin?

Oli.By mine honour, half drunk. What is he at the

gate,cousin?

110Sir To.A gentleman.

Sir To.A gentleman.

Oli.A gentleman! what gentleman?

Sir To.'Tis agentleman here—a plague o' these pickle-herring!How now, sot!

Sir To.'Tis agentleman here—a plague o' these pickle-herring!

How now, sot!

Clo.Good Sir Toby!

115Oli.Cousin, cousin, how have you come so early bythis lethargy?

Oli.Cousin, cousin, how have you come so early by

this lethargy?

Sir To.Lechery! I defy lechery. There's one at the gate.

Oli.Ay, marry, what is he?

Sir To.Let him be the devil,anhe will, I care not:120give me faith, say I. Well, it's all one.[Exit.

Sir To.Let him be the devil,anhe will, I care not:

give me faith, say I. Well, it's all one.[Exit.

Oli.What's a drunken man like, fool?

Clo.Like a drowned man, a fool and a mad man: onedraught above heat makes him a fool; the second madshim; and a third drowns him.

Clo.Like a drowned man, a fool and a mad man: one

draught above heat makes him a fool; the second mads

him; and a third drowns him.

125Oli.Go thou and seek thecrowner, and let him sit o'mycoz; for he's in the third degree of drink, he's drowned:go, look after him.

Oli.Go thou and seek thecrowner, and let him sit o'

mycoz; for he's in the third degree of drink, he's drowned:

go, look after him.

Clo.He is but mad yet, madonna; and the fool shalllook to the madman.[Exit.

Clo.He is but mad yet, madonna; and the fool shall

look to the madman.[Exit.

Re-enterMalvolio.

130Mal.Madam,yondyoung fellow swears he will speakwith you. I told him you were sick; he takes on him tounderstand so much, and therefore comes to speak withyou. I told him you were asleep; he seems to have aforeknowledge of that too, and therefore comes to speak135with you. What is to be said to him, lady? he's fortifiedagainst any denial.

Mal.Madam,yondyoung fellow swears he will speak

with you. I told him you were sick; he takes on him to

understand so much, and therefore comes to speak with

you. I told him you were asleep; he seems to have a

foreknowledge of that too, and therefore comes to speak

with you. What is to be said to him, lady? he's fortified

against any denial.

Oli.Tell him he shall not speak with me.

Mal.Hasbeen told so; and he says, he'll stand atyour door like a sheriff's post,and bethe supportertoa140bench, but he'll speak with you.

Mal.Hasbeen told so; and he says, he'll stand at

your door like a sheriff's post,and bethe supportertoa

bench, but he'll speak with you.

Oli.What kindo'man is he?

Mal.Why, of mankind.

Oli.What manner of man?

Mal.Of very illmanner; he'll speak with you, will145you or no.

Mal.Of very illmanner; he'll speak with you, will

you or no.

Oli.Of what personage and years is he?

Mal.Not yet old enough for a man, nor young enoughfor a boy; as a squash is before 'tis a peascod, or a codlingwhen 'tis almost an apple: 'tis with himinstanding water,150between boy and man. He is very well-favoured and hespeaks very shrewishly; one would think his mother's milkwere scarce out of him.

Mal.Not yet old enough for a man, nor young enough

for a boy; as a squash is before 'tis a peascod, or a codling

when 'tis almost an apple: 'tis with himinstanding water,

between boy and man. He is very well-favoured and he

speaks very shrewishly; one would think his mother's milk

were scarce out of him.

Oli.Let him approach: call in my gentlewoman.

Mal.Gentlewoman, my lady calls.[Exit.

Re-enterMaria.

155Oli.Give me my veil: come, throw it o'er my face.We'll once more hear Orsino's embassy.

Oli.Give me my veil: come, throw it o'er my face.

We'll once more hear Orsino's embassy.

EnterViola,andAttendants.

Vio.The honourable lady of the house, which is she?

Oli.Speak to me; I shall answer for her. Your will?

Vio.Most radiant, exquisite and unmatchable beauty,—I160pray you, tell me if this be the lady of the house, for Inever saw her: I would be loath to cast away my speech,for besides that it is excellently well penned, I have takengreat pains to con it. Good beauties, let me sustain noscorn; I am verycomptible, even to the least sinister usage.

Vio.Most radiant, exquisite and unmatchable beauty,—I

pray you, tell me if this be the lady of the house, for I

never saw her: I would be loath to cast away my speech,

for besides that it is excellently well penned, I have taken

great pains to con it. Good beauties, let me sustain no

scorn; I am verycomptible, even to the least sinister usage.

165Oli.Whence came you, sir?

Oli.Whence came you, sir?

Vio.I can say little more than I have studied, andthat question's out of my part. Good gentle one, give memodest assurance if you be the lady of the house, that Imay proceed inmyspeech.

Vio.I can say little more than I have studied, and

that question's out of my part. Good gentle one, give me

modest assurance if you be the lady of the house, that I

may proceed inmyspeech.

170Oli.Are you a comedian?

Oli.Are you a comedian?

Vio.No, my profound heart: and yet, by the veryfangsof malice I swear, I am not that I play. Are youthe lady of the house?

Vio.No, my profound heart: and yet, by the very

fangsof malice I swear, I am not that I play. Are you

the lady of the house?

Oli.If I do not usurp myself, I am.

175Vio.Most certain, if you are she, you do usurp your-self;for what is yours to bestow is not yours to reserve. Butthis is from my commission: I will on with my speech inyour praise, and then show you the heart of my message.

Vio.Most certain, if you are she, you do usurp your-self;

for what is yours to bestow is not yours to reserve. But

this is from my commission: I will on with my speech in

your praise, and then show you the heart of my message.

Oli.Come to what is important in't: I forgive you the180praise.

Oli.Come to what is important in't: I forgive you the

praise.

Vio.Alas, I took great pains to study it, and 'tispoetical.

Vio.Alas, I took great pains to study it, and 'tis

poetical.

Oli.It is the more like to be feigned: I pray you, keepit in. I heard you were saucy at my gates,andallowed185your approach rather to wonder at you than to hear you.If you benot mad, be gone; if you have reason, be brief:'tis notthat time of moonwith me to make one in so skippinga dialogue.

Oli.It is the more like to be feigned: I pray you, keep

it in. I heard you were saucy at my gates,andallowed

your approach rather to wonder at you than to hear you.

If you benot mad, be gone; if you have reason, be brief:

'tis notthat time of moonwith me to make one in so skipping

a dialogue.

Mar.Will you hoist sail, sir? here lies your way.

190Vio.No, good swabber; I am to hull here a littlelonger. Some mollification for your giant, sweet lady.Tellme your mind: I am a messenger.

Vio.No, good swabber; I am to hull here a little

longer. Some mollification for your giant, sweet lady.

Tellme your mind: I am a messenger.

Oli.Sure, you have some hideous matter to deliver,when the courtesy of it is so fearful. Speak your office.

Oli.Sure, you have some hideous matter to deliver,

when the courtesy of it is so fearful. Speak your office.

195Vio.It alone concerns your ear. I bring no overtureof war, notaxationof homage: I hold theolivein myhand; my words are as full of peace as matter.

Vio.It alone concerns your ear. I bring no overture

of war, notaxationof homage: I hold theolivein my

hand; my words are as full of peace as matter.

Oli.Yet you began rudely. What are you? whatwould you?

Oli.Yet you began rudely. What are you? what

would you?

200Vio.The rudeness that hath appeared in me have Ilearned from my entertainment. What I am, and what Iwould, are assecret as maidenhead; to your ears, divinity,to anyother's, profanation.

Vio.The rudeness that hath appeared in me have I

learned from my entertainment. What I am, and what I

would, are assecret as maidenhead; to your ears, divinity,

to anyother's, profanation.

Oli.Give us the place alone: we will hear this divinity.205[Exeunt Maria and Attendants.]Now, sir, what is your text?

Oli.Give us the place alone: we will hear this divinity.

[Exeunt Maria and Attendants.]Now, sir, what is your text?

Vio.Most sweet lady,—

Oli.A comfortable doctrine, and much may be said ofit. Where liesyour text?

Oli.A comfortable doctrine, and much may be said of

it. Where liesyour text?

Vio.In Orsino's bosom.

210Oli.In his bosom! In what chapter of his bosom?

Oli.In his bosom! In what chapter of his bosom?

Vio.To answer by the method, in the first of his heart.

Oli.O, I have read it: it is heresy. Have you no moreto say?

Oli.O, I have read it: it is heresy. Have you no more

to say?

Vio.Good madam, let me see your face.

215Oli.Have you any commission from your lord to negotiatewith my face? You are now out of your text: butwe will draw the curtain and show you the picture. Lookyou, sir, such a one I was this present:is'tnot well done?[Unveiling.

Oli.Have you any commission from your lord to negotiate

with my face? You are now out of your text: but

we will draw the curtain and show you the picture. Look

you, sir, such a one I was this present:is'tnot well done?

[Unveiling.

Vio.Excellently done, if God did all.

220Oli.'Tis in grain, sir; 'twill endure wind and weather.

Oli.'Tis in grain, sir; 'twill endure wind and weather.

Vio.'Tis beauty truly blent, whose red and whiteNature's own sweet and cunning hand laid on:Lady, you are the cruell'st she alive,If you will lead these graces to the grave225And leave the world no copy.

Vio.'Tis beauty truly blent, whose red and white

Nature's own sweet and cunning hand laid on:

Lady, you are the cruell'st she alive,

If you will lead these graces to the grave

And leave the world no copy.

Oli.O, sir, I will not be so hard-hearted; I will giveout divers schedules of my beauty: it shall be inventoried,and every particle and utensil labelled to my will: as,item, two lips, indifferent red; item, two grey eyes, with230lids to them; item, one neck, one chin, and so forth. Wereyou sent hither topraiseme?

Oli.O, sir, I will not be so hard-hearted; I will give

out divers schedules of my beauty: it shall be inventoried,

and every particle and utensil labelled to my will: as,

item, two lips, indifferent red; item, two grey eyes, with

lids to them; item, one neck, one chin, and so forth. Were

you sent hither topraiseme?

Vio.I see you what you are, you are too proud;But, if you were the devil, you are fair.My lord and master loves you: O, such love235Couldbe but recompensed, though you were crown'dThe nonpareil of beauty!

Vio.I see you what you are, you are too proud;

But, if you were the devil, you are fair.

My lord and master loves you: O, such love

Couldbe but recompensed, though you were crown'd

The nonpareil of beauty!

Oli.How does he love me?

Vio.Withadorations, fertiletears,With groans that thunder love, with sighs of fire.

Vio.Withadorations, fertiletears,

With groans that thunder love, with sighs of fire.

Oli.Your lord does know my mind; I cannot love him:240Yet I suppose him virtuous, know him noble,Of great estate, of fresh and stainless youth;In voices well divulged, free, learn'd and valiant;And in dimension and the shape of natureA gracious person:butyet I cannot love him;245He might have took his answer long ago.

Oli.Your lord does know my mind; I cannot love him:

Yet I suppose him virtuous, know him noble,

Of great estate, of fresh and stainless youth;

In voices well divulged, free, learn'd and valiant;

And in dimension and the shape of nature

A gracious person:butyet I cannot love him;

He might have took his answer long ago.

Vio.If I did love you in my master's flame,With such a suffering, such a deadly life,In your denial I would find no sense;I would not understand it.

Vio.If I did love you in my master's flame,

With such a suffering, such a deadly life,

In your denial I would find no sense;

I would not understand it.

Oli.Why, whatwould you?

250Vio.Make me a willow cabin at your gate,And call upon my soul within the house;Write loyalcantonsof contemned loveAnd sing them loud even in the dead of night;Hallooyour name to thereverberatehills255And make the babbling gossip of the airCry out 'Olivia!' O, you should not restBetween the elements of air and earth,But you should pity me!

Vio.Make me a willow cabin at your gate,

And call upon my soul within the house;

Write loyalcantonsof contemned love

And sing them loud even in the dead of night;

Hallooyour name to thereverberatehills

And make the babbling gossip of the air

Cry out 'Olivia!' O, you should not rest

Between the elements of air and earth,

But you should pity me!

Oli.Youmight do much.What is your parentage?

Oli.Youmight do much.

What is your parentage?

260Vio.Above my fortunes, yet my state is well:I am a gentleman.

Vio.Above my fortunes, yet my state is well:

I am a gentleman.

Oli.Get you to your lord;I cannot love him: let him send no more;Unless, perchance, you come to me again,To tell me how he takes it. Fare you well:265I thank you for your pains: spend this for me.

Oli.Get you to your lord;

I cannot love him: let him send no more;

Unless, perchance, you come to me again,

To tell me how he takes it. Fare you well:

I thank you for your pains: spend this for me.

Vio.I am no fee'd post, lady; keep your purse:My master, not myself, lacks recompense.Love make his heart of flint that you shall love;And let your fervour, like my master's, be270Placed in contempt! Farewell, fair cruelty.[Exit.

Vio.I am no fee'd post, lady; keep your purse:

My master, not myself, lacks recompense.

Love make his heart of flint that you shall love;

And let your fervour, like my master's, be

Placed in contempt! Farewell, fair cruelty.[Exit.

Oli.'What is your parentage?''Above my fortunes, yet my state is well:I am a gentleman.' I'll be sworn thou art;Thy tongue, thy face, thy limbs, actions, and spirit,275Do give thee five-fold blazon: not too fast:soft, soft!Unless themaster were the man. How now!Even so quickly may one catch the plague?Methinks I feel this youth'sperfectionsWith an invisible and subtle stealth280To creep in at mine eyes. Well, let it be.What ho, Malvolio!

Oli.'What is your parentage?'

'Above my fortunes, yet my state is well:

I am a gentleman.' I'll be sworn thou art;

Thy tongue, thy face, thy limbs, actions, and spirit,

Do give thee five-fold blazon: not too fast:soft, soft!

Unless themaster were the man. How now!

Even so quickly may one catch the plague?

Methinks I feel this youth'sperfections

With an invisible and subtle stealth

To creep in at mine eyes. Well, let it be.

What ho, Malvolio!

Re-enterMalvolio.

Mal.Here, madam, at your service.

Oli.Run after that same peevish messenger,Thecounty'sman: heleftthis ring behind him,Would I or not: tell him I'll none of it.285Desire him not to flatter with his lord,Nor hold him up with hopes; I am not for him:If that the youth will come this way to-morrow,I'll give himreasons for't: hie thee, Malvolio.

Oli.Run after that same peevish messenger,

Thecounty'sman: heleftthis ring behind him,

Would I or not: tell him I'll none of it.

Desire him not to flatter with his lord,

Nor hold him up with hopes; I am not for him:

If that the youth will come this way to-morrow,

I'll give himreasons for't: hie thee, Malvolio.

Mal.Madam, I will.[Exit.

290Oli.I do I know not what, and fear to findMine eye too great a flatterer for my mind.Fate, show thy force: ourselves we do notowe;What is decreed must be, and be this so.[Exit.

Oli.I do I know not what, and fear to find

Mine eye too great a flatterer for my mind.

Fate, show thy force: ourselves we do notowe;

What is decreed must be, and be this so.[Exit.

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