A gentleman now recommended a glass of brandy to Mr. Feastlove, which he approving, he for a minute refrained from eating, and took off a large glass, and then fell too again, being determined, he said, to weather the storm, and the horrid faces he frequently made, and extraordinary motions of his body, declared he was very strongly summoned to depart the room again;—but soon the brandy, instead of putting an end to the intestine broil, made it ten times worse,—and just as he was opening his mouth to receive a small slice of venison, not largerthan a moderate sized mutton chop, the gingerbread proved victorious, and drove fish, flesh and fowl, with other auxiliaries, out of the field of battle, and they lay in great disorder, scattered over the table, and endangered the eyes of the opposite gentlemen; nor was this all, for during this disaster, another party had forced open theSally-port, and sought refuge in the breeches of the persevering hero.—The company now rose in great confusion, and a quantity of snuff was destroyed; those taking it now who perhaps never took any before. To conclude this terrible affair, the gingerbread-eater, after being pretty well recovered from this last unfortunate affair, was sent homesome pounds lighter than he usually came from a feast.
The tragic-comic scene being ended, continued Sable, this worthy member of Comus’s court, repaired to the rendezvous of the Choice Spirits, where he was heartily received, and recounting to them his day’s exploit, set them in a roar of laughter, at the expence of Mr. Feastlove, who little dreamt, I believe, of taking a dose of physic on the feast-day of the society, though ’tis probable this Choice Spirit conferred a benefit on him instead of a punishment; in the morning this frolicksome spark conducted me to my old lodgings.
I began now, continued Sable, to wish for a little respite, the pleasing novelty of my situation in Monmouth-street, gradually subsiding as the succession of my adventures encreased; and my curiosity abating, in proportion as my excursions became less pleasing. The desire I had of a little relaxation from business was gratified, the expedition I had with thechoice spirit, being the last time I was called to aid the schemes of any of the sons of invention, who might have occasion to appear in disguise, or assist the struggles of the unfortunate in their endeavours to overcome an adverse fate, during my stay in Monmouth-street, where I remained a considerabletime without any further employment.
During this recess from business continued Sable, I past much time in contemplating on the various modes of happiness which mankind sought after, and the different means they pursued to attain their adopted wishes; the labours of my fellow adventurers in their diurnal expeditions, which were always communicated to the society together with my own experience, affording me variety of instances. The power of reasoning, and of assimilating their ideas, with which men are indued, to enable them to distinguish the true road to happiness, I found was of little or no service to them in theirpursuit, the present gratification of the passions and senses, seems to be the chief consideration and stimulater in all their actions; but when the vigour of youth begins to relax, and the heat of blood to cool, the passions and senses necessarily decay, and they then perceive their error, and lament that they did not in their youth, furnish the storehouse of wisdom, with useful knowledge, to enable them to pass with satisfaction and tranquillity, through age and infirmity, and for want of which they become fretful and peevish, disagreeable to themselves, and to every one else.
The youthful auditor here thanked the sage adviser, for the lessonhe so gently insinuated, and assured him that he would endeavour to regulate his conduct agreeably to the dictates of reason, and that his study should be to acquire a fund of knowledge, so that the faculties of his mind, might afford him pleasure when his passions and senses should deny it. The wise narrator replyed, he hoped the alluring bates of pleasure would not have power to check his resolution, or destroy those blossoms of virtue whose fruit was happiness.
I next, continued Sable, became the property of a very ingenious gentleman, who has entertained the town in a variety of characters, but in none more singular, or more tohis emolument, during the time it lasted, than that in which I had the honour to serve him in, and though he has never been remarkable for concealing his follies, yet this is a secret which he has carefully preserved.—To keep you no longer in suspence, I was purchased by this genius, to countenance him in the character of aFortune-teller, a scheme which his thorough knowledge of the town, together with a great variety of anecdotes of a number of people, which he had treasured up, made him the best qualified to act of any man in London; and he was a veryProteus, in varying his appearance, for he would be in your company two or three times a day, if he had occasion,in the same number of characters, without your being able to discover him.—It was this gentleman, continued Sable, who removed me from Monmouth-street, to a lodging near Charing-cross, this being the place he had chose to deliver his oracles from, a spot which, time out of mind has been remarkable for the residence of all the extraordinary things and phenomena, which have been deemed worthy the attention of this metropolis.
Here White, begged to know why that place was so particularly fixt upon by the industrious providers of strange sights and rarities. Sable declared it was not in his power to resolve him, with certaintyin that point, but said, that as these itinerant raree-show gentlemen, dealt in nothing but what is most properly adapted to the meanest capacity, (as some book-sellers inform the world what they publish is) so this neighbourhood may be looked upon, by these gentlemen, as the meridian best calculated for their purpose.
Every thing being settled by this foreteller of events, continued Sable, advertisements were put in the newspapers, and bills dispersed, acquainting the nobility and gentry, that a sage Ægyptian, who was making the tour of Europe, was arrived in London, and that his stay would be only one month, duringwhich time they might be informed of any particular they were desirous of knowing, either past, present, or to come; attendance at —— Charing-cross, every evening, from six to nine, price five shillings each person.
The first who came to search the register of fate, continued Sable, were two ladies, one tall and the other short, the tall lady desired to know, as a specimen of the doctor’s art, (for so he stiled himself) where she was on such a day, a considerable time past; the doctor having been informed of the day of her nativity, and looking over his book told her she was on the day she mentioned, inNewgate;the lady started in great surprise,—and asked how she came to be there,—the doctor told her, she went to see aHighwayman,—the other lady then asked where she was on that day,—the Doctor, after going through the ceremony of calculating her nativity, told her she was also inNewgate, with the other lady on the same occasion.—These answers were thought proof enough of the doctor’s knowledge of things past,—and the tall lady next desired, he would tell her the most remarkable place she had been at that day,—to which the doctor, after making a calculation by some very extraordinary figures with pen and ink, answered she had been to see thetall man,—where she had seensomethingthat greatlysurprisedher.—Here the lady blushed, and said she was now sure he was the Devil; but the doctor declared he was only a distant relation of the infernal’s.—Well where shall I go to-morrow, says the lady, why, madam, says the doctor, you have resolved to pay a visit to thetall managain to-morrow eveningalone, but whether you will really keep to your resolution or not, is more than the arch-fiend himself can tell.—The lady said she must confess there was more truth than manners in his answers, and that she should have expected such an answer to have been whispered when there was a third person in company.—The doctor humbly asked pardon, but said as the ladyher companion was privy to her design, and intended to visit thetall manherself another time, he did not apprehend any harm could arise in speaking of it at that time.—Well, Sir, says the lady, since I find you do know more than I imagined, I hope you are a man of honour, and at the same time put a guinea into the doctor’s hand.—The doctor assured the ladies they might rely upon on his secrecy, and waited upon them down a private pair of stairs which led into a street that lay behind the house.
The first trial of my genius’s knowledge of the influence of the stars, continued Sable, succeeded to admiration.—White here desired toknow what book it was the doctor extracted his knowledge from.—Sable replied, it was a common place book in which his owner entered down his anecdotes, and which he was every day encreasing, being employed all day in going from place to place where he could best gain intelligence—you will, no doubt, wonder, says Sable, how he could come by the knowledge of the lady’s secret intention, that, adds Sable, he guessed—which indeed from these ladies known character and disposition was no difficult matter to do; for he knew who the ladies were perfectly well, and, I assure you, they were both people of great distinction.
The next remarkable person, continued Sable, who was desirous of consulting the stars, was an officer in the guards, who on his entrance told the doctor he had heard he was acquainted with thingsaboveandbelowstairs.—You understand me—continues he, and so let me have five shillings worth of information.—From which quarter, Sir, says the doctor—which quarter, replies the familiar gentleman,—why faith, adds he, I believe it is frombelow stairs.—The doctor then desired to know the day of his nativity, and that he would propose his question,—why you must know, says the gay spark, that I have a d—’d inclination to lie with the wife of a particular friend of mine,but I want to know whether it will be attended with any bad consequences.—I mean, continues he, whether I should be obliged to fight in this case or not? for though I would not have you think me a coward, yet I should not chuse to draw my sword upon my friend.—The doctor, after looking over his book, and making a number of hieroglyphicks as usual, told him, that though the husband would know his dishonour, yet he might be assured no bad consequences would ensue to him, for that it would onlymake his friend unhappy during his life; the son of Mars, continued Sable, was extremely well satisfyed with this answer, and departed, in all probability, toconfer upon his friend this new mark of his esteem.
A young lady, continued Sable, of a fine figure, next entered, and after answering the doctor the necessary questions, told him she wanted to know when she should be married—what sort of a man she should have—and how many children?—The doctor, after consulting the book of knowledge, told her, that it would be some time before she was married—and that she would marry an old baronet, whose title and estate she would deem a sufficient compensation, for the sacrifice of her youth and beauty, to age and infirmity;—and that she would have two daughtersby him, both which would be bornwithin a monthafter her marriage; and yet, adds he, your virtue will be unblemished.—Sir, says the lady, this is the most inconsistent piece of intelligence that I ever heard; I hope you don’t mean to affront me, adds the lady.—The doctor replied, that what he had related to her, was but the effect of his art; what is meant he declared was yet beyond his knowledge, but, pray Sir, says the lady, does your art inform you that I shall really have two daughters within a month after my marriage, and yet my virtue be unblemished.—Madam, says the doctor, it is really as I have related, but I will take some pains to unravel the mystery—uponwhich he began to make a number of strange figures, and the result of his enquiry, he told the lady, was, that she would certainly have two daughters within the time he had mentioned, the eldest of whom, he said, would be born very soon after her marriage, and the other within a month after;—you will be very happy, madam, says he, in the first, for your husband will spare nothing that his estate, which will not be very small, can administer for its gratification; nor will you, madam, set any bounds to your inclinations to support and cherish it.—But you will not be so happy, says he, in your other daughter, for she will be of an insatiabledisposition, and your husband will do all in his power to satisfy it, but all his endeavours will only serve to increase its desires.—The lady declared she could not possibly understand him, and desired if he could explain himself that he would.—The doctor answered, what he had told her he was convinced would come to pass, and that her first daughter’s name would bePride, and the otherLust.—Upon this the lady flew out of the room, saying,—he might repent this treatment.
A little old gentleman with a white wig and rosy face, next entered our temple, and addressing himself to the doctor, told him,that though he had never placed any confidence in oracles, yet the fame of his great skill in astrology, made him resolve to throw away five shillings and half an hour, in consulting him in a thing he should be glad to know.—The doctor told him he would resolve him in the best manner his art would admit. The old gentleman said, that he had for many years been saving every thing he could, scarce allowing himself the necessaries of life, that he might leave a fortune to his son, sufficient to raise a name; and though he had been stigmatised by many people, with not having acquired the fortune he had by the fairest means, yet he believed he had always keptwithintheletterof thelaw; but, Sir, continues he, if I live six months longer, I shall be able to leave my son fifty thousand pounds; therefore, I should be glad to know what course he will take, and whether he will be much on the Exchange, as I have been.—The doctor told him, his son would followNewmarket course, where, says he, he willexchangethe greatest part of his fortune, for the qualities of a jockey, and by the time he is five and twenty, willexchangehis liberty for a prison, where, continues he, he willexchangethis life for another.—The old gentleman was preparing to remonstrate against the decree of the stars, but was prevented by the knocking of anothervisiter at the door, and he was conducted down the back stairs, complaining all the way of the partiality of fate in the unjust distribution of his fortune, and in preventing him from being thefirst stonein the foundation of a family.
The violent knocking at the door which occasioned the sudden dismission of the old gentleman, continued Sable, was the impatience of a lady, whose dress and appearance bespoke she was of quality; she was a tall fine figure, and her face exquisitely beautiful; her eyes were full of levity, and declared the looseness of her soul:—On her entrance she told the doctor, one of hisshop billshad been leftat her house, and that she had heard many people speak of his great knowledge, which induced her to wait upon him.—The doctor politely acknowledged the honour she did him, and ushered her to a seat.—Mr. what’s your name—says this lady, I have been almost frighted to death these two days, by the loss of a pocket book, which I am afraid has been found by a certain person, therefore I desire you will tell me where it is, and how I may recover it.—The doctor, after having calculated the lady’s nativity, and applied to his book, told her, a servant to a gentleman she had visited, had found it in his master’sbed-chamber, and that he and several of his companions wereat that time sat down to examine the contents of it.—The lady said she was glad it had not fallen into the hands of the person she was apprehensive of, but desired to know if he could tell her whether there was a small book of ivory leaves in it or not? The doctor told her, he would let her know the whole contents in a few minutes.—Upon which he began to make a great variety of incomprehensible figures, and in the conclusion told the lady, in one of the pockets there was a paper ofcarmine, and several sorts of powders, in the second, there was a small lock offlaxen-coloured hairinclosed in a letter, which was dated fromtheTemple, and contained passionate expressions of the most tender love and eternal constancy, with an acknowledgement of favours in the most delicate terms.—The lady told the doctor there was no necessity for his being very particular, the doctor proceeding said, there was a picture in miniature of an officer, concealed under a pocket looking-glass, with several tender billet-doux addressed to Amaryllis, which had been slipt into her ladyship’s hand; in the same pocket, continues he, there is a miniature of a certain nobleman which was given to your ladyship upon your marriage; well, hang the picture and the original too, says the lady, isthe book with the ivory leaves there? I shall inform your ladyship presently, replies the doctor:—In another pocket, there is a collection ofcurious picturesinIndia paper, given to your ladyship by the gentleman who gave your ladyship the lock of hair, and artfully concealed in a small almanack book:—Here the lady blushed and told the doctor, she desired only to know if the book she mentioned was there.—The doctor begged a moment’s patience;—in a private pocket, continues he, there is a small viol of red liquor, and in another private pocket, there is a number of appointments to meet in a wood in Kensington gardens, and various otherplaces, and a small book of ivory leaves, containing a short account of the art of intriguing, with a select number of extraordinary goodexcusesin case ofsuspicion, and some excellentsalvosforpalpable discoveries, wrote by your ladyship’s own hand, and which is the book, I presume, says the doctor, your ladyship enquired so particularly for.—It is, answered the lady, and now pray, says she, inform me how I can get it back again.—The doctor answered, he believed if her ladyship would advertise it with a handsome reward she might recover it; the lady declared she would give any thing for it, and putting two guineas into the doctor’s hand,said she hoped she might rely upon his secrecy; the doctor assured her she might, and then conducted her to a hackney coach waiting at the door for her.
The next who came to consult the keeper of the book of knowledge, continued Sable, was a young lady of a most engaging countenance, her natural air and the taste of her dress, seemed to vie with each other, in rendering her an object of love,—if it was possible for envy to have fixed upon any thing that seemed imperfect, it must have been rather too much levity, which her eyes expressed. This young lady having informed the doctor, whathe required to know, she told him she had three lovers, who made their addresses to her; one, she said, was a gentleman of the law, another was a lieutenant in the army, and the third a gentleman of no profession, and desired to know which of them she should have; the doctor having consulted his book, told her she should marry neither of them; the young lady was a good deal surprized, and desired if she should have neither of them,—to know who else would be her lot.—I find, miss, says the doctor, you will have several offers from tradesmen, whom you will reject; for though you have no fortune, yet you will adhere to your darlinghopes of marrying a gentleman, but you will be deceived in your expectations. I have always been told, says the lady, by people of your profession, and that by more than one, that I should be marryed to a gentleman.—Those who have told you so, replies the doctor, deceived you; they have injured many young people, adds he, by flattering the passions of the credulous, which has influenced the conduct of weak people, and laid the foundation of their ruin.—Sir, says the lady, I believe it is a maxim amongstFortune-tellers, to speak ill of every one in the profession besides themselves, but Sir, adds she, you have not told me who I amto marry.—It is out of my power, madam, says the doctor, for though I can frequently see you aVotressat thealtar of Love, yet I cannot find that you will ever enter theHymeneal Temple.—I must confess, says the lady, you are the most discouraging foreteller of events that I ever met with, and I have had my fortune told me byCards,Coffee-grounds, by inspecting thelinesof myhand, and by theMan in the Old Bailey, and have always been told that I should marry ahandsome black gentleman, nay, how many children I should have, and that I should be very prosperous, and end my days in alarge handsome house. My art deceives me greatly,replies the doctor, if there is any truth in any of these things, except indeed, that you will end your days in a large handsome house. What, you do agree with him in that! says the lady, I should be vastly glad if you can tell me whereabout it is situated; the doctor, after having taken some time in ascertaining the Geography, told her, he could not tell her any other way, than by sketching out the appearance of it; and in a few minutes told her, if she would look upon a paper he shewed her, she might probably know it;—the young lady was very eager to behold the plan of the mansion that she was to conclude her life in, and perusingit attentively, I saw her cheeks glow with indignation, and throwing the paper down, left the room, pronouncing as she went—anHospitalindeed!
The first appearance of this young lady, says Sable, revived in me the sensations of my youth, and I must confess my heart was greatly interested in her fate; but the information of the doctor filled me with great anxiety, though I hope his presages will prove his knowledge not infallible.
A lady far declined in the vale of years, next entered to consult the stars: The fame of your greatknowledge in the mysteries of fate, says this antiquated lady, hath made me resolve to wait upon you in an affair that concerns me very nearly: The doctor assured her, that as far as his knowledge extended, he would answer any thing she was desirous of knowing: Sir, says the lady, I have a fortune of twenty thousand pounds, and am yet a virgin; but, adds she, I have thoroughly considered the design and end of marriage, and am now convinced that it is an institution calculated for the mutual benefit of both sexes. The scripture too, continues she, instructs us to associate together for the procreation of our species, and thereforeI am now resolved to comply with the dictates of the divine law and thecall of nature—(I must confess, says Sable, I was a good deal surprized to hear a woman, who seemed to be not far distant from what is called the grand climacterick of her age, talk of the procreation of her species in this manner, and of her resolution to follow the call of nature) Your sentiments, madam, says the doctor, are certainly right, and I have chosen, says this wrinkled old ladya proper young Gentlemanto partake of conjugal felicity with me, and by whom I may fulfil the divine command: Undoubtedly, madam, says the doctor, a young man is more properfor such cases than a man of your own years: I think so indeed, Sir, says the lady, though I believe I should have children by almost any man; for I am of a veryfruitfulfamily, nor am I, continued she, so old as perhaps you may imagine me;—but, Sir, says she, my business with you, is to know whether I shall receive any ill treatment from him, how many children I shall have, and whether myintentionswill bethoroughly answeredby marrying this young gentleman, for I am resolved upon that, and the marriage writings are bespoke. Madam, says the doctor, I will resolve you presently; upon which he turned to his book, and after casting thenecessary figures for information, told the lady, she might depend upon receiving nomale-treatmentfrom her intended spouse: that all herreasonableexpectations would be answered, such as having the credit of one of the handsomest men in town for her husband, keep what company she pleased, go where she pleased; and in short, do what she pleased, as she did before marriage, for that her husband would never trouble her about any thing:—But, Sir, says the lady, you don’t speak of the other comforts I should expect, and which was my chief design in marriage.—All the other comforts of marriage, Madam, says the doctor; you will receive byProxy.—Proxy, Sir! says the lady, what do you mean?Why, madam, replies the doctor, you will enjoy your husband’s company, at bed and board byProxy, bear children byProxy: Don’t tell me, Sir, interrupted this ancient virgin, of bearing children byProxy, I look upon myself as capable of bearing Children as any young girl whatever, and assure you, Sir, I shall not desire any one to bear them for me, and so, Sir, your servant, and immediately hobbled down stairs repeating frequently as she went, the wordProxy.
And now, my son, continues Sable, to his gay companion, I believe I have related to you all the occurrences, that are worthy your attention, during my stay with thisfortune-teller; were I to give you a detail of every particular person’s desire, whose simplicity or curiosity brought them to our nocturnal temple, it would take up more time than I fear I have to continue with you, nor would it be either entertaining or instructive to you, but rather the vast numbers of people, of all ranks, who came to enquire how far they and their trivial concerns were the peculiar care of the stars, would create in you a mean opinion of the wisdom of the inhabitants of this town.—The truth is, continued Sable, the particular disposition of the people of this metropolis, to credit the most absurd and impossible performances, when undertaken byForeigners, isone of their chief characteristicks; and the preference and encouragement given to Foreigners of all denominations, who come here, as to the Land of Promise, to seek their fortunes, enables them to return and purchase estates in their own country, whose produce is equal to the revenue of many Princes; and I have heard it said, that there is at this day, a most superb and magnificent house, or rather palace, in Italy, which was built by a famous eunuch, who resided here some time; on which he has wrote on several conspicuous places,ENGLISHFOLLY.—You will naturally ask, says Sable, what the excellence of these strollers consists in;—in an exceeding acute taste, continues he, in thechoice of the most debilitating pleasures, that can render the mind mean and contemptible; and as there are always people who make a business of pleasure, these panders are at hand, ready to administer to them, the fruits of their knowledge; so that, continues Sable, those who for half a score of years, have been under tutors, beginning to restrain the power of their passions, are in a few months deprived of the benefits they have paid so dearly for, both in time and money; and by listening to these purveyors of pleasure, give themselves up to every ignoble gratification, that can debase the mind, or corrupt their sentiments.
Sable having indulged himself in exposing the ill consequences that result from the extraordinary encouragement Foreigners receive to export themselves among us, thus continued his narration.
The retailer of the events of fortune, resumed Sable, having exhausted all his stock of knowledge, and the limited time of his continuance in this metropolis being expired, he disposed of the utensils belonging to his profession, such as a beard of a most reverend length, a pair of globes, magic wand, &c. &c. &c. to the manager of a strolling company, to equip serjeant Kite for an Ægyptian astrologer;but I was disposed of to an old cloaths-man, the manager refusing me, saying he had already in his wardrobe, a Black Coat for anUndertaker,ApothecaryorParson.
The dealer in left-off cloaths, resumed Sable, having deposited the consideration which was exchanged for me, shifted me into his green bag, and marched with me again to my old neighbourhood of St. Giles; where I was no sooner arrived, than I began to experience the torment of the brushes, and remained twenty-four hours, stretched upon the rack, and then was delivered over to a botcher, to repair the fractured fibres which thepress had forced asunder. My old preservative the nap, having like a faithless friend, abandoned me, when I stood most in need of assistance. My owner having thus furbished me up, I was conducted into the shop, and hung among thebetter sortofsecond-hand gentlemen.
The third day, continued Sable, I was summoned into the parlour, and was ordered to be tried upon a middle-aged gentleman, and met with his approbation; so leaving his former attendant, which was in a very bad condition, and paying a small fee more to the salesman, he conducted me to a street,near Red-Lion-Square, where he ascended into a garret. It being evening, continued Sable, I had not an opportunity of forming any judgment of the profession of my new owner, though I imagined he was either a great œconomist, or that poverty and he were joint tenants of the apartment; for upon the candle’s going out (which from a seeming affection to my unknown master, had long laboured to support life) he retired to rest, though very early in the evening;—as soon as day-light would permit me, continued Sable, I began to take an inventory of the furniture; which I found consisted of an old miserable bed andbedstead, with a coverlet and an old blue curtain, which was fixed to the side of the bedstead; adjoining to the casement, a whitewashed wall served to keep the wind from intruding upon the privacy of the reposed gentleman on the other side, and also to receive that which some people of a phlegmatick constitution, carry with them in their pockets. A table next presented itself, which seemed to lament the loss of a flap, that either time, or something else, had amputated from it, and which was laid across a chair, the cane-bottom having given way; two other maimed chairs supported themselves by leaning against the wall,one of which sustained me; the next were two deal boxes, which occupied a fourth part of the room, one of which wanting a lid disclosed a confused heap of papers, amongst which I saw the cover of a letter directed to Mr. Stanza; and lastly a shelf that ran the length of the room, on which lay one black pudding.
From the letter and papers in the box, continued Sable, I concluded, I was now the property of an author. Early in the morning, Mr.Stanza(that being my owner’s name) got up, and taking down the blue curtain, wrapt it about him, tying it round with a garter; so thatit made a tolerable good morning gown, wanting nothing but sleeves, and sitting down to the table, he put the finishing stroke to the poem, and then read it over with great satisfaction. He next prepared to equip himself to go out, which took up the best part of two hours; (including the cleaning of his shoes,) and performing some very dexterous operations on his stockings) however, at length, he was drest, and carefully folding up his poem put it into his pocket, and after reconnoitring the street door through the casement, sallied forth. Near Gray’s-Inn, in Holborn, two men stept up to him, and one of them whispering him in the ear, informedhim of a piece of news, that I found by his “rueful length of face” was rather disagreeable to him, and these two gentlemen conducting him to a house in Gray’s-Inn-Lane, I found the bard was under an arrest, though I did not imagine a poet was within the jurisdiction of any court, but the court of criticism, or that he was liable to answer any plaint but what arose within the province ofParnassus. However Mr. Stanza was left by his two companions under lock and key; but as he soon began to recover his spirits, I imagined he intended to remove the plaint, and have his cause tried beforeApollo,but he was the next day, for want of bail, removed to theFleet-Prison.
This prison, continued Sable, tho’ it is said to be the best in the kingdom, is a most shocking place, the generality of the inhabitants being those who have brought themselves here, either by idleness or extravagance, and very few of those bring in with them any principle of honesty or sense of shame, or if they do, they generally get rid of such troublesome companions in a very short time; most of them divert reflection by amusement, or drown it by debauchery, which weakens themind to such a degree, that they scarce ever after are capable of reflection, as some colds take away the voice, which is never to be recovered again; those who are forced thither by misfortunes, find it difficult to maintain their principles; so naturally and imperceptibly do we imbibe the sentiments and manners of those with whom we are accustomed to converse.
One day being at the billiard table, which is permitted to be set up here for the recreation ofGentlemen, I recognized the person of my ingenious companion the sharper, who it seems, had been excelledin his own way, and outwitted by a bailiff; I must confess, says Sable, if it should have happened, that I should ever have had occasion to have enquired for this genius, I should have applied to this place, if I had not found him in theprinted Register of Deathspublished by theOrdinary of Newgate: And it is more than probable the latter will be yet honoured with his name.—But to return to my fellow prisoner Mr. Stanza, who had, I learned, been in his youth a man of gaiety, and had with great facility run through a pretty fortune, and afterwards run through the several characters of gamester, fortunehunter,and sharper, but with very indifferent success, and had now taken up thelucrativecalling of a poet. The bard, continued Sable, whose happy disposition was superior to fate, in two or three days, began to be reconciled to his situation, and applied very closely to his profession, consuming much ink and paper; and in three months, that I continued with him there, he had written three acts of a tragedy, two acts of a comedy, almost finished a dramatic pastoral entertainment, and drawn many characters for farces, besides several poetical essays, which from the want of taste in the publishers, had been rejected and lay deadupon his hands; but the publick will have the pleasure of perusing them in his works, which he intends to publish by subscription, having already written thirty pages of a preface: add to these, continued Sable, he was an excellentHandycraftsman, and three times a week, furnished the carpenters and joiners of a certain periodical work witheasy chairs, wooden spoons, &c. &c. &c.[A]the materials for which, he pilfered from the storehouses of several eminent Parnassian merchants, and sold asnew cutfrom theForest of Parnassus, daubing it over by wayof disguise, with a nasty composition of his own making.—You will think, continued Sable, from what I have related to you concerning Mr. Stanza, that he was a man of great erudition and genius, as well as industry and perseverance. It must be confessed, says Sable, that if he could not boast so much of the former, as some authors, it is certain that he excelled most of them in the latter, so that what was deficient in quality, was amply made up by the quantity; and though it might be alledged against him, that his labours did not any way contribute to the improvement of his readers; yet, shouldhe be arraigned by some ill-natured critick, for not having answered the intention of his profession, he might, with great propriety, plead hishead, as women at the Old Bailey, sometimes in arrest of judgment plead theirbelly; and if the court should direct a jury of criticks to enquire, if he had neitherwitorlearning, they would, if it was an impartial jury, certainly returnnon est inventus, and consequently, he would be discharged.
During my abode, continued Sable, with Mr. Stanza in this repository of vice and folly, the bard had contracted an acquaintance with a certain quack, who fromthe length of time he had been here, and the visible decay of his drapery, was become worthy observation, as ancient coins become valuable by rust and antiquity. The bills of mortality too had long mourned his absence, the number of deaths being sensibly diminished during the doctor’s seclusion from the world. This gentleman, continued Sable, had tried many schemes to regain his liberty, but hitherto without effect: at length he fell upon an expedient, that indeed promised no better success than any of the former; but the doctor being of a disposition not easily discouraged by difficulty, he resolved to put thetrial of it into execution; accordingly, he drew up an advertisement,addressed to unmarriedladies, which he put in one of the daily newspapers, setting forth, that a single gentleman of a good family, was confined in the Fleet for an inconsiderable sum, and that if any lady who had a fortune sufficient to enable her to live genteelly, with the addition of the advertiser’s practice in his profession, was willing to accept of a husband, who would make it his study to evince his gratitude, he was willing tochange his state, and might be spoke with by any lady at the lodge of the Fleet-Prison.—This scheme was looked upon (should it provesuccessful) by some people, as exchanging a temporary confinement for a perpetual slavery;—but the doctor was one of those, who were certain that locks and bolts were more difficult to burst asunder than the bonds of matrimony, and indeed, in the doctor’s opinion, there was no tie, either divine or human, that was half so binding as that which was made of iron: he likewise knew that his profession would enable him at any time, to get rid of a disagreeable wife, as well as a troublesome patient. The doctor, as I hinted before, continued Sable, had received much damage in his wardrobe, and now constantly made his appearance in a longmorning gown, which served instead of coat and waistcoat, and some people scrupled not to say, for breeches too; but that I had some reason to believe was not true; for, in order to aid the son of Æsculapius in his matrimonial scheme, Mr. Stanza, at the doctor’s request, consigned me over to him, in lieu of the morning gown, that the doctor might be able to receive any ladies who might apply to him, in conference of the advertisement, and I luckily fitted the doctor extremely well.—The second day after advertising, the doctor was called down to the lodge, and immediately obeying the summons: he was introduced to two young ladies,who I soon recollected to be the same who sat in the box with me at the play-house, when the sharper so ingeniously carried off the old gentleman’s rocqueleau; these ladies diverted themselves for some time at the expence of the doctor, and then left him, not a little chagrined at the first disappointment; however, he was in the dusk of the evening again summoned to the lodge, where he found an old lady waiting for him, whom he politely addressed: The compact shoulders and promising legs of the doctor, continued Sable, drew a more than ordinary attention from this ancient lady, and influenced her so much in his favour, that ina very short time the match was concluded, and every thing was settled for the doctor’s departure the succeeding morning, for which purpose the lady gave him a bank note; and left him overjoyed with his good fortune. The doctor immediately went to Mr. Stanza, acquainted him with his success, and begged the bard would let him keep me, and set his own price upon me.—This matter was soon settled, and I remained with the doctor, who generously made a present of the gown to Mr. Stanza. In the morning, continued Sable, the lady came to her appointment; and the doctor after having taken leave of his fellowprisoners, handed the lady into a hackney coach, and immediately drove to the temple of Hymen, and from thence they went a few miles out of town to celebrate the nuptials, and in the evening came to the lady’s house in Southwark, where the marriage, was consummated. The facility with which this marriage was conducted, continued Sable, did not, however, outstrip the eager wishes of the parties to have it concluded; the lady was perhaps stimulated by charity, and could not sleep, till she had released a man of the doctor’s figure from misery; and the doctor, I suppose, was no less uneasy, till he had once more an opportunityof circulating his medicines, to the great emolument of his good friends theUndertakers; whose trade had languished very much during his long confinement. The next morning, continued Sable, the doctor determined to shew himself amongst his brethren of the faculty, and accordingly conducted me to St. Thomas’s Hospital: here he was congratulated by his acquaintance upon recovering his liberty, which the doctor received with an extraordinary good countenance. During our stay in the womens ward at the hospital, continued Sable, I recollected, amongst the unhappy creatures, the features of the daughter of Mr. Sirloin, who wasso well recovered from aSalivation, as to convince me by her behaviour, that she was an abandoned prostitute: I was struck with surprize and pity, continued Sable, to see what a wretched condition she was reduced to, and my censure was involuntarily fixed upon the ill conduct of her parents, but chiefly, upon her mother’s ill-placed pride and silly expectations,that something might happen: a vain hope, says Sable, frequently indulged by weak people, and indeed what has happened to this young woman, is too often the consequence of encouraging pride and folly in those who have nothing to support it. The doctor, continuedSable having perambulated through all the hospitals the morning would admit, returned home to his spouse, and in the afternoon, made his appearance, at all the coffee houses within the circle of his knowledge. The next morning, continued Sable, the taylor brought home a new suit of cloaths, upon which I was deposited in the wardrobe. And now, my son, says Sable, to his youthful companion, I think, I have performed.—Here Sable, was unluckily prevented from concluding his adventures by the entrance of a person, who took away White, the companion and auditor of the sage narrator; but ’tispresumed, he had only a few wordsmore to have entirely ended; and as truth has presided over our pen, throughout the relation of these uncommon adventures, we are not at liberty to set down words that were really never uttered; therefore we chose to leave Sable’s last sentence broken, rather than put down any thing we have not authority for, as some historians do. And now, gentle reader, we take our leave of thee, hoping thou hast received as much pleasure in the perusal of this delectable history, as the relation of it from the sage’s mouth afforded us.
Footnote.[A]Vide titles to severalwoodenpieces, inserted in Lloyd’s papers.
Footnote.[A]Vide titles to severalwoodenpieces, inserted in Lloyd’s papers.
Footnote.
[A]Vide titles to severalwoodenpieces, inserted in Lloyd’s papers.
[A]Vide titles to severalwoodenpieces, inserted in Lloyd’s papers.