Chapter I.The Nesbitt CombinationOn a certain soft evening in early April, Guy Nesbitt of Dell Cottage, Duffley, Oxfordshire, was engaged in wrestling with his dress-tie.Dress-ties did not take kindly to Guy. When a dress-tie found itself encircling a collar belonging to Guy a devil entered into it. All dress-ties were like this with Guy. They knew he had met his master, and they became as wax in his hands. They melted, they drooped, they languished, they slid, and the means they employed to prevent the ends of their bows from ever coming even were a manifestation of the triumph of matter over mind. A South African negro, seeing a dress-tie pursuing its eel-like antics in Guy’s impotent hands would have had no hesitation in falling down on his knees and worshipping it on the spot, and quite rightly; one of Guy’s dress-ties could have given pounds to any of the ju-ju’s of his native land and disposed of him in half a round.Giving up the unequal struggle, Guy dashed the victorious excrescence to the floor, where it lay chortling gently, whipped another out of the open drawer in front of him and strode to the door which separated his dressing-room from his wife’s bedroom, muttering naughtily to himself as he went. At the risk of becoming tedious, he must try to give some idea of his appearance during the second-and-a-half occupied by his journey.Guy Nesbitt was a thin, tall man, almost an attenuated tall man, and he carried himself just about as badly as a man can. His rather narrow shoulders were invariably bowed like those of Atlas, and between them his small, half-bald head shot forward at such an angle that, although he was nearly always taller than his interlocutor, he gave the impression of peering up at anybody he happened to be addressing over his rimless pince-nez. In spite of the ribald observations of one of his wife’s friends, Guy was not old; a mere thirty-one. But he had looked exactly as he did now (which was forty-five) for the last five years, and would probably continue to do so for the next twenty. The other part of the candid friend’s remark was not inapt; he did look exactly like a vulture, but a thoroughly benign and good-tempered old vulture at that. Guy had never lost his temper in his life, a matter which had caused his parents (he was an only son) considerable satisfaction —for parents are notoriously short-sighted folk—and his old nurse an equal perturbation.For the rest he was delicate, but refused to admit it; possessed of a private income with which he was generous beyond reason or logic; not so much of a recluse as might have been expected, considering the scholarly nature of his chief hobby, which was the minor poets of the seventeenth century; and he wielded a nifty brassie and a surprisingly ferocious tennis-racket. His manner was as much of a contradiction as most of his other attributes; at times he was as prim and precise as the maiden aunt of a Dean, at others he verged on the Rabelaisian. He had a pretty wit, and he could make up his mind quickly.“Blessed were the Picts and Scots, Cynthia,” he observed wistfully, closing the door meticulously behind him. “They may have had trouble at times with their sporrans, perhaps, but what is a mere sporran?”Cynthia, seated in a kimono before her dressing-table, smiled at him over her shoulder; she had a particularly sweet smile. She was a tall, graceful girl of twenty-three, who bore every promise of turning later into that most delightful of creatures, a charmingly gracious woman. Gracious women are of two widely opposite kinds, one the most adorable and one the most fell of their sex, and it is the presence or absence of charm which makes or mars them. There was no fear of Cynthia falling into the latter category.Guy and Cynthia had been married for two years, which period had been passed during the winters at Guy’s old home in Lincolnshire and in the summers at their riverside cottage in Duffley, a quiet little village on the Thames nearly mid-way between Oxford and Abingdon (it was called a “cottage”). To outward appearances they were as incompatible as a couple may well be, and they were extremely happy together. That shows the value of outward appearances.“A sporran, darling?” Cynthia repeated. “Don’t try to make me answer that; you know how I hate admitting ignorance. All my life I’ve wondered what a sporran is, and never had the courage to ask. It seemed to be a thing that any decently educated person ought to know, like French verbs, or what Edward the Somethingth said to the lady whose garter he picked up, and that sort of thing. Whatisa sporran, Guy?”Her husband stroked his chin reflectively. “Isn’t it something you wear in your bonnet?” he hazarded.“No, dear,” Cynthia told him gently. “That’s a bee. Well, never mind about sporrans. Let’s get this grim piece of work over.” She pushed back her chair and stood up. “I’ve been expecting you for the last ten minutes.”“I nearly did it myself to-night,” Guy said ruefully, handing her the strip of black devilry, which instantly ceased to be diabolical at all and, assuming an air of almost offensive rectitude, permitted Cynthia to do with it as she would. “I must have got the ends within an inch of each other at least half-a-dozen times.”“There!” Cynthia stepped back and regarded her handiwork complacently. “Not so bad for a first shot, I fancy. You are a ridiculous old butterfingers, aren’t you?” She kissed the ridiculous old butterfingers lightly on the end of his long nose and resumed her seat.“Well, well,” said the old butterfingers, and moved towards the door. “Thank you, my dear.”“Oh, don’t go, Guy. You’re practically ready, and there’s heaps of time. Sit down and smoke a cigarette and watch me make myself beautiful; there are some cigarettes in the box on the mantelpiece.”“Sure you don’t mind, in here?”Cynthia smiled at her husband again. If good manners never won fair lady, they must have often come very near it. It warmed Cynthia’s heart to reflect that this husband of hers was just as courteous to her now, after two years of marriage, as on the very first day he ever met her; how many women could say the same?“As a very great treat, I think you might be allowed to, for once,” she said, in a tender little voice that matched her smile, feeling like a mother, and a wife, and a lover, and a sister, and all sorts of other things as well towards this adorably helpless person, so infinitely inferior to herself and at exactly the same time so infinitely superior, whom she had elected to marry. “Now watch, and I’ll show you what happens to sandy eyebrows when they get into my toils. It’s supposed to be hopelessly bad policy, I know, but I have no secrets from you, darling; not even toilet ones.”“I won’t have my wife’s eyebrows insulted,” Guy retorted, dropping his long, lean frame into an arm-chair. “They’re not sandy, they never have been sandy, and they never will be sandy.”“My dear old Guy,” laughed Cynthia, taking effective steps to clear the brows in question of any lingering imputations of sandiness, “you’d never notice if they were, so don’t pretend you would. Why, I don’t believe you could even say off-hand what colour my eyes are.”“My dear!” exclaimed her husband, with righteous indignation.“Well—what colour are they then?”Guy shifted a trifle uneasily in his chair. “A—a sort of greeny-brown,” he said, somewhat defiantly.“Commonly called hazel. Is that what you mean?”“Hazel,” Guy nodded with some relief. “Yes.”“Guy, you’re hopeless!” Cynthia laughed. “What sort of a husband do you think you are? Really! Not to have the faintest idea of the colour of his own wife’s eyes! Well, you might have said blue and been complimentary at any rate.”“Do you mean to say they’re not hazel?” her husband inquired.Cynthia nodded with emphasis. “I should hope I do! They’re gray, my poor child. If you don’t believe me, ask George to-night. I shouldn’t call George a particularly observant man, but I think his powers will probably have carried him that far. Guy, I think you’d better begin rather hurriedly to talk about the weather.”Guy began to laugh instead. He had a curious and rather fascinating laugh. He laughed with a kind of guilty air, as if he knew he were doing something he shouldn’t, but for the life of him could not help it. His laughter was subdued but hearty, and reminded one irresistibly of a small boy stealing jam.“I meant gray,” said Mr. Guy Nesbitt, stealing jam.Cynthia became engrossed in the intricacies of her beautifying operations and the conversation languished.Guy was the first to break the silence. “Looking forward to this evening, darling?” he asked.“Mps,” Cynthia murmured absently, busy with her comb. “Quite. I want to meet Dora’s fiancé. I’d like to see her married, I must say; though when it’s going to happen, goodness knows. In her last letter, she said quite cheerfully that Pat couldn’t even raise the money for their furniture yet, and apparently she saw little chance of his ever doing so. Are you?”“Very much. If Laura is anything like Dora (and being her sister I take it she will be) we ought to have an amusing evening. This fellow Pat Doyle sounds quite an entertaining sort of chap, too. I’ve never met a journalist before, least of all an Irish journalist. The combination ought to prove remarkable.”Cynthia turned round to look at her husband. “You are a funny old thing, you know,” she observed with a smile.“So you frequently tell me, my dear. Why particularly in this instance?”“Well, you’re so unexpected. I should have expected you to hate meeting strangers, but you positively revel in it.”“Of course I do! I collect strangers. What you never seem to realise, my otherwise admirable Cynthia, is that I am profoundly interested in the human animal. I like to observe his little squirmings and watch his reactions to all the ordinary, and still more to the extraordinary things of life. And the more strangers I meet, the more I recognise what a lot there is still to learn.”“I’m glad I’m not a psychologist,” Cynthia returned. “It must be awfully uphill work.”“All women are psychologists,” retorted her husband sententiously. “They may not know it, but applied psychology is part of their stock-in-trade.”“Humph!” Cynthia did not encourage her husband to air his views upon women, about whom she considered he knew less than nothing. She allowed him to call himself a psychologist because she was a kind and tactful girl, but her own word for him so far as her sex was concerned would have been idealist; and she had enough sex-loyalty not to wish to shatter his illusions. “Well,” she went on, changing the subject brightly, “hold the magnifying glass over Mr. Doyle as much as you like, but I’ll just give you one word of advice before it’s too late; beware of Laura, and beware of Dora, but above all, beware of Laura and Dora!”“And now,” said Guy, throwing the end of his cigarette carefully out of the window, “explain that somewhat cryptic remark.”“Well, you know Dora, don’t you?”“Fairly well, I thought. She’s stayed with us—what was it?—three times during the last two years.”“Well, you know how demure and soulful she always looks, as if butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth, when all the time it would disappear just as fast as you could put it in with a shovel?”“I know that Dora’s appearance is a little deceptive, yes,” gravely agreed Guy, who knew all about his wife’s ideas regarding his own views on her sex but would not have let her guess so for the world.“Dora, if she wants to, can be a little demon,” amplified Cynthia frankly. “Well, Laura is a worse edition of Dora, that’s all. Apart, they’re demons, but together they’re positively diabolical. I warn you.”“Query,” Guy murmured, “when is a demon not diabolical? When it’s apart.”“And when should a purist cease to be pure?” smiled Cynthia. “In his wife’s bedroom, I should have thought, at least.”“Mrs. Nesbitt, you shock me,” Guy cackled in high glee. Cynthia’s occasional lapses into pleasant vulgarity he privately considered one of the most delightful things about her. He uncurled his length from the chair. “Well, thank you for warning me. I’ll be on my guard against this diabolical pair. Let us hope that the presence of her fiancé will be a restraining influence upon Dora’s demoniacal tendencies.”“What a lot of long words my husband does know,” confided Cynthia to her hair-brush. “Where are you off to now? They’re not due for another twenty minutes.”“I must see about the wine,” Guy replied reverently, and retired. Wine and his wife were about the only two things in this world which Guy really respected.
On a certain soft evening in early April, Guy Nesbitt of Dell Cottage, Duffley, Oxfordshire, was engaged in wrestling with his dress-tie.
Dress-ties did not take kindly to Guy. When a dress-tie found itself encircling a collar belonging to Guy a devil entered into it. All dress-ties were like this with Guy. They knew he had met his master, and they became as wax in his hands. They melted, they drooped, they languished, they slid, and the means they employed to prevent the ends of their bows from ever coming even were a manifestation of the triumph of matter over mind. A South African negro, seeing a dress-tie pursuing its eel-like antics in Guy’s impotent hands would have had no hesitation in falling down on his knees and worshipping it on the spot, and quite rightly; one of Guy’s dress-ties could have given pounds to any of the ju-ju’s of his native land and disposed of him in half a round.
Giving up the unequal struggle, Guy dashed the victorious excrescence to the floor, where it lay chortling gently, whipped another out of the open drawer in front of him and strode to the door which separated his dressing-room from his wife’s bedroom, muttering naughtily to himself as he went. At the risk of becoming tedious, he must try to give some idea of his appearance during the second-and-a-half occupied by his journey.
Guy Nesbitt was a thin, tall man, almost an attenuated tall man, and he carried himself just about as badly as a man can. His rather narrow shoulders were invariably bowed like those of Atlas, and between them his small, half-bald head shot forward at such an angle that, although he was nearly always taller than his interlocutor, he gave the impression of peering up at anybody he happened to be addressing over his rimless pince-nez. In spite of the ribald observations of one of his wife’s friends, Guy was not old; a mere thirty-one. But he had looked exactly as he did now (which was forty-five) for the last five years, and would probably continue to do so for the next twenty. The other part of the candid friend’s remark was not inapt; he did look exactly like a vulture, but a thoroughly benign and good-tempered old vulture at that. Guy had never lost his temper in his life, a matter which had caused his parents (he was an only son) considerable satisfaction —for parents are notoriously short-sighted folk—and his old nurse an equal perturbation.
For the rest he was delicate, but refused to admit it; possessed of a private income with which he was generous beyond reason or logic; not so much of a recluse as might have been expected, considering the scholarly nature of his chief hobby, which was the minor poets of the seventeenth century; and he wielded a nifty brassie and a surprisingly ferocious tennis-racket. His manner was as much of a contradiction as most of his other attributes; at times he was as prim and precise as the maiden aunt of a Dean, at others he verged on the Rabelaisian. He had a pretty wit, and he could make up his mind quickly.
“Blessed were the Picts and Scots, Cynthia,” he observed wistfully, closing the door meticulously behind him. “They may have had trouble at times with their sporrans, perhaps, but what is a mere sporran?”
Cynthia, seated in a kimono before her dressing-table, smiled at him over her shoulder; she had a particularly sweet smile. She was a tall, graceful girl of twenty-three, who bore every promise of turning later into that most delightful of creatures, a charmingly gracious woman. Gracious women are of two widely opposite kinds, one the most adorable and one the most fell of their sex, and it is the presence or absence of charm which makes or mars them. There was no fear of Cynthia falling into the latter category.
Guy and Cynthia had been married for two years, which period had been passed during the winters at Guy’s old home in Lincolnshire and in the summers at their riverside cottage in Duffley, a quiet little village on the Thames nearly mid-way between Oxford and Abingdon (it was called a “cottage”). To outward appearances they were as incompatible as a couple may well be, and they were extremely happy together. That shows the value of outward appearances.
“A sporran, darling?” Cynthia repeated. “Don’t try to make me answer that; you know how I hate admitting ignorance. All my life I’ve wondered what a sporran is, and never had the courage to ask. It seemed to be a thing that any decently educated person ought to know, like French verbs, or what Edward the Somethingth said to the lady whose garter he picked up, and that sort of thing. Whatisa sporran, Guy?”
Her husband stroked his chin reflectively. “Isn’t it something you wear in your bonnet?” he hazarded.
“No, dear,” Cynthia told him gently. “That’s a bee. Well, never mind about sporrans. Let’s get this grim piece of work over.” She pushed back her chair and stood up. “I’ve been expecting you for the last ten minutes.”
“I nearly did it myself to-night,” Guy said ruefully, handing her the strip of black devilry, which instantly ceased to be diabolical at all and, assuming an air of almost offensive rectitude, permitted Cynthia to do with it as she would. “I must have got the ends within an inch of each other at least half-a-dozen times.”
“There!” Cynthia stepped back and regarded her handiwork complacently. “Not so bad for a first shot, I fancy. You are a ridiculous old butterfingers, aren’t you?” She kissed the ridiculous old butterfingers lightly on the end of his long nose and resumed her seat.
“Well, well,” said the old butterfingers, and moved towards the door. “Thank you, my dear.”
“Oh, don’t go, Guy. You’re practically ready, and there’s heaps of time. Sit down and smoke a cigarette and watch me make myself beautiful; there are some cigarettes in the box on the mantelpiece.”
“Sure you don’t mind, in here?”
Cynthia smiled at her husband again. If good manners never won fair lady, they must have often come very near it. It warmed Cynthia’s heart to reflect that this husband of hers was just as courteous to her now, after two years of marriage, as on the very first day he ever met her; how many women could say the same?
“As a very great treat, I think you might be allowed to, for once,” she said, in a tender little voice that matched her smile, feeling like a mother, and a wife, and a lover, and a sister, and all sorts of other things as well towards this adorably helpless person, so infinitely inferior to herself and at exactly the same time so infinitely superior, whom she had elected to marry. “Now watch, and I’ll show you what happens to sandy eyebrows when they get into my toils. It’s supposed to be hopelessly bad policy, I know, but I have no secrets from you, darling; not even toilet ones.”
“I won’t have my wife’s eyebrows insulted,” Guy retorted, dropping his long, lean frame into an arm-chair. “They’re not sandy, they never have been sandy, and they never will be sandy.”
“My dear old Guy,” laughed Cynthia, taking effective steps to clear the brows in question of any lingering imputations of sandiness, “you’d never notice if they were, so don’t pretend you would. Why, I don’t believe you could even say off-hand what colour my eyes are.”
“My dear!” exclaimed her husband, with righteous indignation.
“Well—what colour are they then?”
Guy shifted a trifle uneasily in his chair. “A—a sort of greeny-brown,” he said, somewhat defiantly.
“Commonly called hazel. Is that what you mean?”
“Hazel,” Guy nodded with some relief. “Yes.”
“Guy, you’re hopeless!” Cynthia laughed. “What sort of a husband do you think you are? Really! Not to have the faintest idea of the colour of his own wife’s eyes! Well, you might have said blue and been complimentary at any rate.”
“Do you mean to say they’re not hazel?” her husband inquired.
Cynthia nodded with emphasis. “I should hope I do! They’re gray, my poor child. If you don’t believe me, ask George to-night. I shouldn’t call George a particularly observant man, but I think his powers will probably have carried him that far. Guy, I think you’d better begin rather hurriedly to talk about the weather.”
Guy began to laugh instead. He had a curious and rather fascinating laugh. He laughed with a kind of guilty air, as if he knew he were doing something he shouldn’t, but for the life of him could not help it. His laughter was subdued but hearty, and reminded one irresistibly of a small boy stealing jam.
“I meant gray,” said Mr. Guy Nesbitt, stealing jam.
Cynthia became engrossed in the intricacies of her beautifying operations and the conversation languished.
Guy was the first to break the silence. “Looking forward to this evening, darling?” he asked.
“Mps,” Cynthia murmured absently, busy with her comb. “Quite. I want to meet Dora’s fiancé. I’d like to see her married, I must say; though when it’s going to happen, goodness knows. In her last letter, she said quite cheerfully that Pat couldn’t even raise the money for their furniture yet, and apparently she saw little chance of his ever doing so. Are you?”
“Very much. If Laura is anything like Dora (and being her sister I take it she will be) we ought to have an amusing evening. This fellow Pat Doyle sounds quite an entertaining sort of chap, too. I’ve never met a journalist before, least of all an Irish journalist. The combination ought to prove remarkable.”
Cynthia turned round to look at her husband. “You are a funny old thing, you know,” she observed with a smile.
“So you frequently tell me, my dear. Why particularly in this instance?”
“Well, you’re so unexpected. I should have expected you to hate meeting strangers, but you positively revel in it.”
“Of course I do! I collect strangers. What you never seem to realise, my otherwise admirable Cynthia, is that I am profoundly interested in the human animal. I like to observe his little squirmings and watch his reactions to all the ordinary, and still more to the extraordinary things of life. And the more strangers I meet, the more I recognise what a lot there is still to learn.”
“I’m glad I’m not a psychologist,” Cynthia returned. “It must be awfully uphill work.”
“All women are psychologists,” retorted her husband sententiously. “They may not know it, but applied psychology is part of their stock-in-trade.”
“Humph!” Cynthia did not encourage her husband to air his views upon women, about whom she considered he knew less than nothing. She allowed him to call himself a psychologist because she was a kind and tactful girl, but her own word for him so far as her sex was concerned would have been idealist; and she had enough sex-loyalty not to wish to shatter his illusions. “Well,” she went on, changing the subject brightly, “hold the magnifying glass over Mr. Doyle as much as you like, but I’ll just give you one word of advice before it’s too late; beware of Laura, and beware of Dora, but above all, beware of Laura and Dora!”
“And now,” said Guy, throwing the end of his cigarette carefully out of the window, “explain that somewhat cryptic remark.”
“Well, you know Dora, don’t you?”
“Fairly well, I thought. She’s stayed with us—what was it?—three times during the last two years.”
“Well, you know how demure and soulful she always looks, as if butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth, when all the time it would disappear just as fast as you could put it in with a shovel?”
“I know that Dora’s appearance is a little deceptive, yes,” gravely agreed Guy, who knew all about his wife’s ideas regarding his own views on her sex but would not have let her guess so for the world.
“Dora, if she wants to, can be a little demon,” amplified Cynthia frankly. “Well, Laura is a worse edition of Dora, that’s all. Apart, they’re demons, but together they’re positively diabolical. I warn you.”
“Query,” Guy murmured, “when is a demon not diabolical? When it’s apart.”
“And when should a purist cease to be pure?” smiled Cynthia. “In his wife’s bedroom, I should have thought, at least.”
“Mrs. Nesbitt, you shock me,” Guy cackled in high glee. Cynthia’s occasional lapses into pleasant vulgarity he privately considered one of the most delightful things about her. He uncurled his length from the chair. “Well, thank you for warning me. I’ll be on my guard against this diabolical pair. Let us hope that the presence of her fiancé will be a restraining influence upon Dora’s demoniacal tendencies.”
“What a lot of long words my husband does know,” confided Cynthia to her hair-brush. “Where are you off to now? They’re not due for another twenty minutes.”
“I must see about the wine,” Guy replied reverently, and retired. Wine and his wife were about the only two things in this world which Guy really respected.