A QUESTION OF PRIVILEGE
The Republican State Convention was in session in the hall of the House of Representatives at Columbia. There was a contest between two rival delegations from Berkeley County, the one representing the “old line” Republicans, the other the younger element which had recently affiliated with the conservative Democrats. The fight came up on the seating of the delegations, and it was agreed that five minutes should be allotted to the chairman of each delegation for the presentation of his claims to the convention.
A young African, fancifully arrayed in a spotless white flannel suit, rose in behalf of the younger delegation and arraigned his opponents in an “impassioned” speech.
Before his five minutes had expired, Mr. Thompson, the ape-like chairman of the elder statesmen, interrupted him with an appeal to the chair.
“Mistuh Chair,” said he, “I rise to uh squeschun ub priblidge.”
The Chair—“Does de juntlemun rise to de priblidge, eeduhso de squeschun?”
“Great Gawd,” said the thoroughly aroused delegate, “I rise to de priblidge en’ de squeschun, alltwo one time, en’ I also rise to uh squeschun ubinflummashun, ’cause I bin pussonullyattacktid. Mistuh Chair, dis ondelicate nyung juntlemun w’ich pusceed me has prizzunt to dis augus’ body de credenshul ub de contestuss delegashun frum Bucksley County to Mount Pleasant presinck fuh sen’ one delegashun to Cuhlumbia, fuh sen’ anodduh delegashun to Chicagyofuh nominashun de Prezzydent uh dese Newnited State! Mistuh Chair, de ’Publikin paa’ty een Bucksley County is gots fuh specify, en’ I will likes to quizzit dis immaculate nyung juntlemun frum Bucksley County en’ ax’um a few cumposhashun! I will likes fuh ’tarrygate’um en’ ax she wehhimbin een de yeah sebenty-stree, w’en I bayre my breas’ to de bullet uh de Dimmycrack frum de mountain to de seaboa’d! I will like, suh, fuh peruse de min’ uh dis ondeestunt nyung juntlemun en’ ax’um how de debble him kin specify en’ ruppezunt de ’Publikin paa’ty een Bucksley County to Mount Pleasant presinck, w’en him binnuh lib een Mistuh Puhshay Smit’ yaa’d, en’ binnuh nyam buckruh’ bittle ebbuh sence ’e farruh gone penetenshus fuh t’iefin’ hog een de yeah sebenteen-eighty-stree! I will likes to ax dis ondelicatechillun-nigguhhow him kin come yuh wid ’e jaw teet’ full uh Puhshay Smit’ hog meat en’ onduhtek fuh seddown him contestuss delegashun ’pun dis historicusflo’!
“W’en, Mistuh Chair, dis meetin’ wuz hol’ to Bucksley County to Mount Pleasant presinck, fuh sen’ dis delegashun to Cuhlumbia fuh sen’ anodduh delegashun to Chicagyo fuh nominashun de Prezzydent uh dese NewnitedState, dis immaculate juntlemun, Mistuh Dannil T. Middletun, repose heself ’gense de conwenshun plan fuh nominashun, en’ adswocate de primus ward[2]plan. Now, w’en de juntlemun fin’ dat de conwenshun plan is wictoria obuh de primus ward plan, de juntlemun git disgus’, en’ de juntlemun lef’ de flo’ uh de conwenshun en’ gone down de step, follow’ by he cohort, Mistuh Gibbes! Now, Mistuh Chair, I punnounce shish ondeestunt behavior, on de paa’t uh Mistuh Middletun, uh disgustuss splotch ’pun de ’Publikinpaa’ty’ cawpsus politicksus, en’ ef de juntlemun will contuhdix de wu’d w’ich I nyuse, I will punnounce she to be alie! Mistuh Chair, de juntlemun’ mout’ is too black for she to be a Dimmycrack, en’ ’e yeye is too red fuh he to be a ’Publikin, en’ I punnounce’um, on de flo’ uh dis conwenshun, uh monstrosity politicussmuffledice!”[3]