SAM DICKERSON
For many years after the war, Sam Dickerson, a former slave of the Horlbeck family, ranted around the courts of the lower counties of South Carolina in the practice of the legal profession, which he had acquired in a jack-leg sort of way soon after his emancipation. Tall, black, pompous, and as voluble as an overshot water-wheel, he cut his grotesque antics in higher and lower courts to the intense amusement of blacks as well as of whites. He habitually carried with him a bag of tawdry and greasy law books, which he hauled out and spread upon tables, wherever the space was available, to impress jurors and court-room spectators with his importance. With monkey-like imitativeness he copied the court-room gestures and mannerisms of prominent lawyers of the white race, and he had memorized certain passages from the statutes and the law blanks, which he spouted whenever opportunity offered. Upon one occasion Dickerson was defending in a magistrate’s court a negro accused of larceny. The word written on the indictment pleased him and he mouthed and slobbered over it as one mouths the pit of a clingstone peach. “Dis man bin chaa’ge’, yo’ onnuh, wid laa’ceny! He bin chaa’ge’ wid laa’ceny! W’at am laa’ceny, yo’ onnuh?”
“Do you know what it is to steal?” retorted the court.
“Of co’se uh does, yo’ onnuh. Laa’ceny is t’ief, en’ t’ief is steal, en’ uh man w’ich steal is uh man w’ich enter anodduh man’ house een de dead ub night en’ did mos’ feloniously steal, tek, carry away en’ appropriate to he own use de whole or uh paa’t dereof uh dejuntlemun’ proputty. But de chaa’ge, yo’ onnuh, am laa’ceny!”
Dickerson was so well known about the magistrates’ courts of the City of Charleston that many prominent white citizens were attracted to the trials when it was known that this simian-like advocate was going to participate in the proceedings, and it was quite the thing to take Northern visitors or the captains of vessels in port, to the court room to see the black perform, and sometimes the magistrate, or the opposing counsel, would be given a hint to stir him up for the entertainment of the visitors.
In a trial before a Charleston magistrate, the black lawyer once sought to have a bad case continued because of “the absence of a material witness,” that threadbare plea so frequently urged in our courts. The magistrate, inclined to bait him, insisted that the material witness be produced in court forthwith.
“Yo’ onnuh, I hope you will not insis’ upun de material witness bein’ produce’ een dis co’t.”
The court demanded his reason.
“Yo’ onnuh, de material witness am a female en’ she cannot cunweenyuntly be produce’ een dis co’t.”
“Why can’t a female witness be produced in court? What is the matter with the witness?”
“Yo’ onnuh, I hope you will not compel me to state w’at is de matter wid de material witness w’y she cannot be produce’ een dis co’t.”
“Unless you can give me good reasons why the material witness should not be brought to court, I will insist upon going on with the case,” said the court.
“Yo’ onnuh, I appeal to you as a juntlemun ub delicacy not to fo’ce me to tell de co’t w’y de material witness cannot be produce’ een co’t.”
But the appeal to the magistrate’s delicacy of mind was of no avail and he peremptorily ordered the case to proceed.
“Well, yo’ onnuh, my delicacy will not permit me to state een de English langwidge w’at is de reason w’y de material witness cannot be produce’ een co’t.”—just then a laugh from a gentleman of French extraction in the audience, caused him to turn his head, and he proceeded. “Yaas, suh, you kin laugh, but you cannot fo’ce me to use de English langwidge, en’ I will haffuh fall back on my French.” Then, wheeling around and facing the magistrate, “de reason, yo’ onnuh, w’y de material witness cannot be produce’ een co’t, is ’cause de material witness is”—just then a negro woman entered the room, and, hurrying up to Dickerson pulled him by the sleeve and whispered in his ear. Turning dramatically, he shouted, “may it please yo’ onnuh, I hab jus’ hear from de material witness en’ I kin now resume de English langwidge. De reason w’y de material witness cannot be produce’ een dis co’t, is ’causede material witness hab two twin!”
On a certain summer day, twenty or thirty negroes from the Toogoodoo section, assembled at the office of the trial justice at Adams Run station to settle a legal matter. The dispute to be adjusted involved the ownership of a brindled ox, to which claims, apparently equally strong, were set up by two black ladies from “Down on de Salt.” One, Bina Youngblood, the “lawfully lady” of Scipio Youngblood, the other the lone, though not lorn, Clara Jenkins, for the moment unaffiliated. Scipio, the “sea-lawyer” of the Swinton plantation, undertook to plead his wife’s cause before the magistrate, while Clara, having money in herpurse, because, perhaps, she had just then no man to support, had “done git de buckruh fuh write uh letter town, fuh tell Sam Dickuhsin fuh come fuh rupezunt me een de co’t.” At 9 o’clock Sam arrived from Charleston on “de shoofly strain,” as the negroes call the local which stops at all way stations. The ox, having caused mutual wool-pulling on the part of both claimants, had been put in the custody of the magistrate’s constable, and, tied to the picket fence surrounding a corn patch near the station, was chewing his cud complacently, viewing with drowsy eyes the human turmoil about him. Clara laid excited hands upon the Charleston advocate and pulled him into the presence of the ox, which she introduced. “Dish’yuh duh him, Mistuh Dickuhsin. Dish’yuh duh de oxin wuh me en’ Mis’ Nyungblood agguhnize ’bout. Uh buy dis oxin f’um Bredduh Izick Puhshay wuh lib tuh Slann’ Ilun’ en’ Buh Izick him buy’um f’um de Jew wuh hab uh sto’ to Wadmuhlaw, en’ ’e buy’um f’um de Jew ’cause de oxin gone een de maa’sh fuh eat, en’ ’e bog een de maa’sh, en’ de Jew stan’ ’puntop de bluff en’ ’e look ’puntop de oxin, en’ ’e ’f’aid ’e gwine drowndid, en’ ’e shake alltwo ’e han’ ’bout de oxin, en’ Buh Izick binnuh stan’up close’um, en’ de Jew try fuh sell’um de oxin, ’cause ’e t’ink de oxin gwine dead een de maa’sh, en’ Buh Izick tell’um him willin’ fuh g’em fibe dolluh’ fuh de oxin, en’ him will tek’um out de maa’sh ’eself, eb’nso ef ’e dead, en’ de Jew tell’um no, ’e yent fuh sell him oxin fuh no fibe dolluh’ ’cause him kin sell ’e meat fuh mo’n fibe dolluh’ eb’nso ef ’e done dead, but ’e say ’e willin’ fuh tek ten dolluh’ fuhr’um weh ’e stan’. Buh Izick tell’um him will nebbuh git’um out ef ’e dead, ’cause him well acquaintun wid uh quicksan’dey een de maa’sh puhzackly weh de oxin duh bog’up een de maa’sh, en’ ’e say suh de quicksan’ gwine swalluhr’um up, en’ den de Jew ent fuh git nutt’n’. W’en de Jew yeddy ’bout de quicksan’, ’e dat ’f’aid him gwine loss ’e oxin, ’e sell’um tuh Buh Izick fuh de fibe dolluh’, en’ soon ez ’e buy’um en’ ’e done pit de money een de Jew’ han’, Buh Izick know berry well suh no quicksan’ dey een de maa’sh, en’ e’ gone weh de oxin duh stan’up een de mud, en’ ketch’um by ’e tail en’ twis’um two’t’ree time, en’ de oxin walk out de maa’sh jis’ ez good ez you en’ me, en’ Buh Izick git’um een de flat en’ fetch’um ’cross, en’ ’e nebbuh stop ’tell ’e git’um spang home weh ’e lib. Uh bin to Buh Izick house de berry day w’en him fetch de oxin home, en’ uh yent hab nutt’n’ fuh plow, en’ uh buy de oxin f’um Buh Izick fuh fifteen dolluh’, en’ pay’um ten dolluh’, en’ owe’um de odduh res’ uh de money.
“W’en de Jew fin’out how Buh Izick obuhreach’um, ’e dat bex ’e yent able fuh nyam ’e bittle, en’ ’e study all day ’bout how him kin git ’e oxin ’gen. ’E h’aa’t hebby ’bout de oxin, en’ ’e jaw drap eb’ry time ’e t’ink ’pun Buh Izick, ’cause him t’ink suh nigguh ent fuh smaa’t ’nuf fuh cheat no Jew. Nex’ day ’nuf nigguh f’um Swintun en’ Toale gone Wadmuhlaw full dig Irish tettuh, en’ dem gone tuh de Jew’ sto’ fuh buy gunjuh en’ nickynack en’ t’ing. Mis’ Nyungblood en’ ’e juntlemun alltwo gone to de sto’, en’ de Jew yeddy’um duh talk ’bout one brinly oxin wuh buy een dem nigguhhouse yaa’d, wuh come f’um Wadmuhlaw Ilun’, en’ de Jew tell’um yaas, duh him oxin, en’ ’e tell’um de oxin sell fuh true, but all de money ent done pay, en’ ’e sen’ ansuh fuh tell me wuh got de oxin fuh sen’um ten dolluh’ mo’ fuh de oxin, ’scusin’ him gwinetek’um ’way en’ sell’um ’gen. Buh Scipio en’ ’e lady alltwo fetch de Jew’ metsidge jis’ ez ’e come out ’e mout’, but uh nebbuh bodduh ’bout’um, ’cause uh know uh hab witness fuh de money uh done pay Buh Izick, en’ uh look tuh Buh Izick fuh puhteck me, but de nex’ week Mis’ Nyungblood gone Wadmuhlaw ’gen, en’ de Jew ’suade him fuh buy de oxin fuh fifteen dolluh’, en’ him pay’um t’ree dolluh’ on de oxin, en’ de Jew g’em uh paper fuh tek de oxin wehrebbuh ’e kin fin’um. W’en ’e git home, de ’ooman walk een my yaa’d wid de Jew’ papuh een ’e han’, en’ e’ walk swonguh, en’, please Gawd, ’e gone to de oxin weh ’e duh bite grass een de fench cawnuh, en’ ’e tek’um by ’e bridle en’ staa’t fuh lead’um out de yaa’d. Bubbuh, uh yent got no man ’bout de house fuh puhteck me, but uh got dese ten finger ’puntop alltwo me han’ fuh puhteck meself, en’ w’en uh see de ’ooman ’long de oxin, blood full’ alltwo me yeye! Uh peaceubble ’tell uh bex, but w’en uh bex, uh ready fuh dead, en’ uh light ’puntop’uh da’ ’ooman same lukkuh fu’lhawk light ’puntop’uh chickin! Me en’ him en’ de oxin, alltwo tanglety’up een de du’t ’tell dem man een de nigguhhouse yaa’d haffuh suffuhrate we. Nex’ day me’ en’ de ’ooman hitch ’gen, w’en him come een de yaa’d fuh onhitch de oxin de two-time, en’ uh ’cratch’ him face en’ him ’cratch’ my’own, en’ attuh dat, de trial jestuss yeddy ’bout’um en’ sen’ ’e counstubble fuh tek’way de oxin, en’ lef’ one metsidge fuh alltwo uh we fuh come Adam’ Run deepo fuh try de case, en’ uh glad dem fuh try’um teday, teday, ’cause me en’ da’ ’ooman en’ da’ oxin ent fuh lib tuhgedduh ’puntop no Swintun plantesshun!”
“Come eento co’t,” yelled the constable, and Clara and her counsel went within.
The two principals and their partisans, glowering at one another, ranged themselves on opposite sides of the little room, and the proceedings were opened. Bina came to the witness stand with a slowly healing gridiron of scratches covering her face, tokens of the efficiency of Clara’s finger nails, which courtesies she had handsomely reciprocated.
“Uh gone Wadmuhlaw fuh dig Irish tettuh, en’ w’en middleday come, me en’ all dem todduh man en’ ’ooman gone to de Jew fuh buy bittle fuh eat, en’ him yeddy suh we come f’um Swintun place, en’ him yeddy we duh talk ’bout one brinly oxin wuh come f’um Wadmuhlaw, wuh one uh we ’ooman buy f’um Izick Puhshay, en’ de Jew say suh de oxin duh him’own, en’ nex’ time me en’ my juntlemun gone Wadmuhlaw, de Jew say suh de oxin ent pay fuh, en’ him fuh sell’um ’gen, en’ w’en ’e say dat, uh buy’um en’ pay t’ree dolluh’ exwance on’um en’ de Jew gimme uh papuh fuh tek de oxin wehrebbuh uh fin’um, en’ w’en uh gone home uh tek de papuh en’ gone een de ’ooman’ yaa’d en’ tek de oxin out de fench cawnuh en’ staa’t fuh gone, en’ ’fo’ uh kin git out de yaa’d, da’ debble’ub’uh blacksnake ub uh ’ooman tek uh exwantidge w’en uh yent binnuh study ’bout’um, en’ him git een de fus’ lick, en’ ’e yent sattify fuh ’cratch me eyeball’ en’ fight deestunt lukkuh lady fuh fight, but him haffuh bite me een de same time, en’ ’e teet’ shaa’p ez ottuh’ teet’, en’ de ’ooman mek ’e fang’ fuh meet een me yez, but me Jedus help me fuh obuht’row’um, en’ befo’ dem man suffuhrate we, uh done spile ’e face ’tell ’e maamy yent fuh know’um! Uh gone t’ru’um sukkuh bulltongue plow gone t’ru blackberry wine! You shum stan’ dey? Duh me mek ’e mout’ fuhtwis’up oagly same lukkuh him binnuh chaw green possimmun!”
With a curtsy to the court and a scornful glance at her opponent, Bina retired, and after Clara had repeated word for word the story previously related to her attorney—for some negroes have the faculty of memorizing and repeating a romantic story over and over again, omitting none of the mendacious minutiæ—Scipio, a stout, self-conscious black, rose to match his plantation wit with that of the experienced advocate.
“Jedge, w’en my lady ubtain dis cow f’um de Jew tuh Wadmuhlaw—”
Old Sam rose impressively. “Do my distinguish’ fr’en’ frum Toogoodoo allude to de annimel dat is now een de custody ub dis honuhrubble co’t ezcow?”
“Yaas, uh call’um cow! Cow duh ’e name! Mekso me yent fuh call’um cow! Uh call’um cow, uh dunkyuh ef e’ duhbull! Enty roostuh en’ hen alltwo is fowl? Uh call’um cow, yaas! Wuh de debble town nigguh’ know ’bout annimel?”
“Kin de ‘town nigguh’ eenfawm de distinguish’ counsel,” observed Sam, sarcastically, “dat he is berry well acquaintun wid uh sutt’n annimel dat eenhabit de jungle ub Aff’iky, but, ontell teday, he hab always obserb dis annimel fuh hab tail. Puhhaps de specie’ dat roam t’ru de fores’ ub Toogoodoo is bawn bidout tail!”
“Great King! ’E fuh call memonkey!” protested Scipio, as the audience exploded with laughter, for however resentful they may be of such characterization by the whites, in their lighter moments, the coast negroes, at least, delight in the exchange among themselves of “monkey,” “’ranguhtang,” “crow,” “buzzut,”“blacksnake,” “nigguh” and like terms of opprobrious endearment. “Da’ ’ranguhtang f’um town fuh call me monkey!Him gran’daddy ’self duh monkey!”
The magistrate put a stop to these amenities between counsel, but Scipio’s verbal machine gun was jammed and, too full for utterance, he took his seat, muttering wrathfully as Sam rose triumphant.
“Ef it please de co’t,” said Sam, “I repeah een dis tribunul fuh rupezunt dis defenseless female ub de Aff’ikin race f’um de paa’simony ub uh membuh ub de tribe dat tek Juhruzelum f’um de Christ’un t’ree t’ous’n’ yeah’ ago!”
“Now ’e duh talk’um!” commented a spectator.
“I am sattisfy’, yo’ onnuh, dat I kin repeal to yo’ onnuh’ sense ub jestuss fuh gib dis po’ ’ooman de puhtekshun to w’ich de po’ en’ weak am eentitle’ f’um de rich en’ de strong, ’cause, yo’ onnuh, een de langwidge ub uh distinguish’ membuh ub de Chaa’lstun baa’, w’enebbuh we enter de sacrid premussis ub uh co’t ub law, we all seddown onduhneet’ de eagle ub jestuss as de chicken seddown onduhneet’ de hen!
“Now, yo’ onnuh, what am de fack? Dish’yuh tenduh female, yo’ onnuh, bidout de puhtekshun ub uh man fuh gyaa’d’um f’um de human race, is t’rowed on his back fuh puhteck ’eself, lukkuh de wil’cat t’row ’eself ’pun ’e back onduhneet’ de harricane tree fuh refen’ ’eself ’genst de pack ub houn’ by whom she is attacktid.”
“Yaas, him ’cratch lukkuh wil’cat fuh true!” commented Mrs. Youngblood.
“Yo’ onnuh, dis tenduh female buy de ox een queschun f’um Izick Puhshay, uh respected citizen ub de Newnited State’, en’ she hab witness fuh proobe dat demoney wuz to him een han’ pay, en’ to ’stablish his ’t’oruhty obuh de ox. De afo’sed Izick Puhshay buy de ox f’um de Jew, de paa’ty ub de fus’ paa’t, residin’ een de premussis afo’sed ’pun de Ilun’ ub Wadmuhlaw, een de State ub Sous Cuhlina. De Jew’ ox hab fall eento de pit, yo’ onnuh, en’ ’less ’e is fuh perish, de ox is sell to Izick Puhshay, dis respected citizen ub de Newnited State’ afo’sed, who by his ability twis’ de tail ub de ox en’ mek’um fuh ’bandun he puhsishun een de maa’sh, en’ betake himself to de high groun’. W’en de membuh ub de tribe ub Juhruzelum see dat de ability ub de Aff’ikin race sabe de life ub de ox, he feel disapp’int’ wid ’eself, en’ he seek to agen ubtain de proputty dat he hab loss, en’ ’e sell de ’denticul ox de two time, to de paa’ty ub de secon’ paa’t.
“Deyfo’, yo’ onnuh, I mek uh plea fuh dis tenduh female ub de human race, alldo’ his skin is black, dat jestuss be done, en’ dat his ox shall not be tek away.”
His plea was effective, for Clara returned joyfully to Toogoodoo with the restored ox tied behind the cart in which she had come, while Bina nursed her wrath to keep it warm until she could return to Wadmalaw to seek to recover her three dollars “exwance” from “de membuh ub de tribe ub Juhruzelum.”