Judge not beforeThou know mine intent;But read me throughout,And then say thy fill;As thou in opinionArt minded and bent,Whether it beEither good or ill.E. P.
Judge not beforeThou know mine intent;But read me throughout,And then say thy fill;As thou in opinionArt minded and bent,Whether it beEither good or ill.E. P.
CHAPTER CLXI.
CHAPTER CLXI.
WESLEY AND THE DOCTOR OF THE SAME OPINION UPON THE SUBJECT OF THESE CHAPTERS. A STUPENDOUS EXAMPLE OF CYCLOPÆDIAN STOLIDITY.
A good razor never hurts, or scratches. Neither would good wit, were men as tractable as their chins. But instead of parting with our intellectual bristles quietly, we set them up, and wriggle. Who can wonder then if we are cut to the bone?
GUESSES ATTRUTH.
CHAPTER CLXII.
CHAPTER CLXII.
AMOUNT OF EVERY INDIVIDUAL'S PERSONAL SINS ACCORDING TO THE ESTIMATE OF MR. TOPLADY. THE DOCTOR'S OPINION THEREON. A BILL FOR CERTAIN CHURCH REPAIRS. A ROMISH LEGEND WHICH IS LIKELY TO BE TRUE, AND PART OF A JESUIT'S SERMON.
Mankind, tho' satirists with jobations weary us,Has only two weak parts if fairly reckon'd;The first of which, is trifling with things serious;And seriousness in trifles is the second.Remove these little rubs, whoe'er knows how,And fools will be as scarce,—as wise men now.BISHOP.
Mankind, tho' satirists with jobations weary us,Has only two weak parts if fairly reckon'd;The first of which, is trifling with things serious;And seriousness in trifles is the second.Remove these little rubs, whoe'er knows how,And fools will be as scarce,—as wise men now.BISHOP.
CHAPTER CLXIII.
CHAPTER CLXIII.
AN OPINION OF EL VENERABLE PADRE MAESTRO FRAY LUIS DE GRANADA, AND A PASSAGE QUOTED FROM HIS WORKS, BECAUSE OF THE PECULIAR BENEFIT TO WHICH PERSONS OF A CERTAIN DENOMINATION WILL FIND THEMSELVES ENTITLED UPON READING OR HEARING IT READ.
Chacun tourne en réalités,Autant qu'il peut, ses propres songes;L'homme est de glace aux vérités,Il est de feu pour les mensonges.LAFONTAINE.
Chacun tourne en réalités,Autant qu'il peut, ses propres songes;L'homme est de glace aux vérités,Il est de feu pour les mensonges.LAFONTAINE.
CHAPTER CLXIV.
CHAPTER CLXIV.
AN ENQUIRY IN THE POULTRY-YARD, INTO THE TRUTH OF AN OPINION EXPRESSED BY ARISTOTLE.
This is some liquor poured out of his bottle;A deadly draught for those of Aristotle.J. C. sometime of M. H. Oxon.
This is some liquor poured out of his bottle;A deadly draught for those of Aristotle.J. C. sometime of M. H. Oxon.
CHAPTER CLXV.
CHAPTER CLXV.
A QUESTION ASKED AND RIGHTLY ANSWERED, WITH NOTICES OF A GREAT IMPORTATION ANNOUNCED IN THE LEITH COMMERCIAL LIST.
“But tell me yet what followed on that But.”
DANIEL.
CHAPTER CLXVI.
CHAPTER CLXVI.
A WISH CONCERNING WHALES, WITH SOME REMARKS UPON THEIR PLACE IN PHYSICAL AND MORAL CLASSIFICATION. DR. ABRAHAM REES. CAPTAIN SCORESBY. THE WHALE FISHERY.
Your Whale he will swallow a hogshead for a pill;But the maker of the mouse-trap is he that hath skill.BENJONSON.
Your Whale he will swallow a hogshead for a pill;But the maker of the mouse-trap is he that hath skill.BENJONSON.
CHAPTER CLXVII.
CHAPTER CLXVII.
A MOTTO WHICH IS WELL CHOSEN BECAUSE NOT BEING APPLICABLE IT SEEMS TO BE SO. THE AUTHOR NOT ERRANT HERE OR ELSEWHERE. PHILOSOPHY AND OTHER-OSOPHIES.
Much from my theme and friend have I digressed,But poor as I am, poor in stuff for thought,And poor in thought to make of it the best,Blame me not, Gentles, if I soon am caughtBy this or that, when as my themes suggestAught of collateral aid which may be wroughtInto its service: Blame me not, I say;The idly musing often miss their way.CHARLESLLOYD.
Much from my theme and friend have I digressed,But poor as I am, poor in stuff for thought,And poor in thought to make of it the best,Blame me not, Gentles, if I soon am caughtBy this or that, when as my themes suggestAught of collateral aid which may be wroughtInto its service: Blame me not, I say;The idly musing often miss their way.CHARLESLLOYD.
CHAPTER CLXVIII.
CHAPTER CLXVIII.
NE-PLUS-ULTRA-WHALE-FISHING. AN OPINION OF CAPTAIN SCORESBY'S. THE DOCTOR DENIES THAT ALL CREATURES WERE MADE FOR THE USE OF MAN. THE CONTRARY DEMONSTRATED IN PRACTICE BY BELLARMINE.
Sequar quo vocas, omnibus enim rebus omnibusque sermonibus, aliquid salutare miscendum est.
SENECA.
CHAPTER CLXIX.
CHAPTER CLXIX.
LINKS AND AFFINITIES. A MAP OF THE AUTHOR'S INTELLECTUAL COURSE IN THE FIVE PRECEDING CHAPTERS.
Ὦ φίλε Φαῖδρε, ποῖ δὴ καὶ πόθεν;PLATO.
Ὦ φίλε Φαῖδρε, ποῖ δὴ καὶ πόθεν;PLATO.
CHAPTER CLXX.
CHAPTER CLXX.
THE AUTHOR REPEATS A REMARK OF HIS DAUGHTER UPON THE PRECEDING CHAPTER; COMPLIMENTS THE LORD BROUGHAM AND VAUX UPON HIS LUNGS AND LARYNX; PHILOSOPHIZES AND QUOTES, AND QUOTES AND PHILOSOPHIZES AGAIN AND AGAIN.
Fato, Fortuna, Predestinazione,Sorte, Caso, Ventura, son di quelleCose che dan gran noja a le persone,E vi si dicon su di gran novelle.Ma in fine Iddio d'ogni cose é padrone:E chi é savio domina a le stelle;Chi non é savio paziente e forte,Lamentisi di se, non de la sorte.ORL. INN.
Fato, Fortuna, Predestinazione,Sorte, Caso, Ventura, son di quelleCose che dan gran noja a le persone,E vi si dicon su di gran novelle.Ma in fine Iddio d'ogni cose é padrone:E chi é savio domina a le stelle;Chi non é savio paziente e forte,Lamentisi di se, non de la sorte.ORL. INN.
CHAPTER CLXXI.
CHAPTER CLXXI.
CONTAINING PART OF A SERMON, WHICH THE READER WILL FIND WORTH MORE THAN MOST WHOLE ONES THAT IT MAY BE HIS FORTUNE TO HEAR.
Je fais une grande provision de bon sens en prenant ce que les autres en ont.
MADAME DEMAINTENON.
INTERCHAPTER XVII.
INTERCHAPTER XVII.
A POPULAR LAY NOTICED, WITH SUNDRY REMARKS PERTINENT THERETO, SUGGESTED THEREBY, OR DEDUCED THEREFROM.
Look, he's winding up the watch of his wit: by and by it will strike.
TEMPEST.
INTERCHAPTER XVIII.
INTERCHAPTER XVIII.
APPLICATION OF THE LAY. CALEB D'ANVERS. IRISH LAW. ICON BASILIKE. JUNIUS. THOMAS À KEMPIS. FELIX HEMMERLEN. A NEEDLE LARGER THAN GAMMER GURTON'S AND A MUCH COARSER THREAD. THOMAS WARTON AND BISHOP STILL. THE JOHN WEBSTERS, THE ALEXANDER CUNNINGHAMS, AND THE CURINAS AND THE STEPHENS.
Lo que soy, razona pocoPorque de sombra a mi va nada, o poco.FUENTEDESEADA.
Lo que soy, razona pocoPorque de sombra a mi va nada, o poco.FUENTEDESEADA.
INTERCHAPTER XIX.
INTERCHAPTER XIX.
THE AUTHOR DIFFERS IN OPINION FROM SIR EGERTON BRYDGES AND THE EMPEROR JULIAN, SPEAKS CHARITABLY OF THAT EMPEROR, VINDICATES PROTEUS FROM HIS CENSURE, AND TALKS OF POSTHUMOUS TRAVELS AND EXTRA MUNDANE EXCURSIONS, AND THE PUBLIC LIBRARY IN LIMBOLAND.
Petulant. If he says black's black,—if I have a humour to say it is blue—let that pass. All's one's for that. If I have a humour to prove it, it must be granted.
Witwould. Not positively must,—But it may, it may.
Petulant. Yes, it positively must,—upon proof positive.
Witwould. Ay, upon proof positive it must; but upon proof presumptive it only may. That's a logical distinction now.
CONGREVE.
DIFFERENCE OF OPINION BETWEEN THE DOCTOR AND NICHOLAS CONCERNING THE HIPPOGONY, OR ORIGIN OF THE FOAL DROPT IN THE PRECEDING CHAPTER.
———his birth day, the eleventh of JuneWhen the Apostle Barnaby the brightUnto our year doth give the longest light.BENJONSON.
———his birth day, the eleventh of JuneWhen the Apostle Barnaby the brightUnto our year doth give the longest light.BENJONSON.
It's as fine a foal as ever was dropt, said Nicholas;—but I should as soon thought of dropping one myself!
If thou hadst Nicholas, replied the Doctor, 'twould have been a foal with longer ears, and a cross upon the shoulders. But I am heartily glad that it has happened to the Mare rather than to thee; for in the first place thou wouldst hardly have got so well through it, as with all my experience I should have been at a loss how to have rendered thee any assistance; and secondly, Nicholas, I should have been equally at a loss how to account for the circumstance, which certainly never could have been accounted for in so satisfactory a manner. The birth of this extraordinary foal supports a fact which the wise ancients have attested, and the moderns in their presumptuous ignorance have been pleased to disbelieve: it also agrees with a notion which I have long been disposed to entertain. But had it been thy case instead of the Mare's it would have been to no purpose except to contradict all facts and confound all notions.
As for that matter, answered Nicholas, all my notions are struck in a heap. You bought that Mare on the 29th of July, by this token that it was my birth-day, and I said she would prove a lucky one. One,—two,—three,—four,—five,—six,—seven,—eight,—nine,—-ten,—he continued, counting upon his fingers,—ten Kalendar months, and to-day the eleventh of June;—in all that time I'll be sworn she has never been nearer a horse than to pass him on the road. It must have been the Devil's doing, and I wish he never did worse. However, Master, I hope you'll sell him, for in spite of his looks I should never like to trust my precious limbs upon the back of such a misbegotten beast.
Unbegotten, Nicholas, replied the Doctor;unbegotten,—or rather begotten by the winds,—for so with every appearance of probability we may fairly suppose him to have been.
The Winds! said Nicholas; he lifted up the lids of his little eyes as far as he could strain them, and breathed out a whistle of a half minute long, beginning in C alt and running down two whole octaves.
It was common in Spain, pursued Dr. Dove, and consequently may have happened in our less genial climate, but this is the first instance that has ever been clearly observed. I well remember, he continued, that last July was peculiarly fine. The wind never varied more than from South South East to South West; the little rain which fell descended in gentle, balmy, showers, and the atmosphere never could have been more full of the fecundating principle.
That our friend really attached any credit to this fanciful opinion of the Ancients, is what I will not affirm, nor perhaps would he himself have affirmed it. But Henry More, the Platonist, Milton's friend, undoubtedly believed it. After quoting the well-known passage upon this subject in the Georgics, and a verse to the same effect from the Punics, he adds, that you may not suspect it “to be only the levity and credulity of Poets to report such things, I can inform you that St. Austin, and Solinus the historian write the same of a race of horses in Cappadocia. Nay, which is more to the purpose, Columella and Varro, men expert in rural affairs, assert this matter for a most certain and known truth.” Pliny also affirms it as an undoubted fact: the foals of the Wind, he says, were exceedingly swift, but short-lived, never outliving three years. And the Lampongs of Sumatra, according to Marsden, believe at this time that the Island Engano is inhabited entirely by females, whose progeny are all children of the Wind.
DOUBTFUL PEDIGREE OF ECLIPSE. SHAKESPEAR (N. B. NOT WILLIAM) AND OLD MARSK. A PECULIARITY OF THE ENGLISH LAW.
Lady Percy. But hear you, my Lord!
Hotspur. What say'st thou, my lady?
Lady Percy. What is it carries you away?
Hotspur. Why my Horse, my love, my Horse.
SHAKESPEAR.
After having made arrangements with the owner of the barn for the accommodation of the Mare in-the-straw, the Doctor and Nicholas pursued their way to Doncaster on foot, the latter every now and then breaking out into exclamations of the Lord bless me! and sometimes with a laugh of astonishment annexing the Lord's name to a verb of opposite signification governing a neuter pronoun. Then he would cry, Who would have thought it? Who'll believe it? and so with interjections benedictory or maledictory, applied indiscriminately to himself and Miss Jenny and the foal, he gave vent to his wonder, frequently however repeating his doubts how the come-by-chance, as he called it, would turn out.
A doubt to the same purport had come across the Doctor; for it so happened that one of his theories bore very much in support of Nicholas's unfavourable prepossession. Eclipse was at that time in his glory; and Eclipse was in the case of those children who are said by our Law to be more than ordinarily legitimate, tho' he was not like one of these double legitimates enabled at years of discretion to chuse for himself between the two possible fathers. Whether Eclipse was got by Shakespear or by Old Marsk was a point of which the Duke of Cumberland and his Stud Groom at one time confessed themselves ignorant; and though at length, as it was necessary that Eclipse should have a pedigree, they filiated him upon Old Marsk, Dr. Dove had amused himself with contending that the real cause of the superiority of that wonderful horse to all other horses was, that in reality he was the Son of both, and being thus doubly begotten had derived a double portion of vigour. It is not necessary to explain by what process of reasoning he had arrived at this conclusion; but it followed as a necessary inference that if a horse with two Sires inherited a double stock of strength, a horse who had no Sire at all must,pari ratione, be in a like proportion deficient. And here the Doctor must have rested had he not luckily called to mind that Canto of the Faery Queen in which
The birth of fayre Belphœbe andOf Amorett is told.
The birth of fayre Belphœbe andOf Amorett is told.
how
———wondrously they were begot and bredThrough influence of the Heavens fruitfull ray.Miraculous may seem to him that readesSo strange ensample of conception;But reason teacheth that the fruitfull seedesOf all things living, through impressionOf the sun-beames in moyst complexionDoe life conceive, and quick'ned are by kynd;So after Nilus' inundationInfinite shapes of creatures men doe fyndInformed in the mud on which the Sunne hath shynd.Great Father he of GenerationIs rightly called, th' Authour of life and light;And his faire sister for creationMinistreth matter fit, which tempred rightWith heate and humour breedes the living wight.
———wondrously they were begot and bredThrough influence of the Heavens fruitfull ray.Miraculous may seem to him that readesSo strange ensample of conception;But reason teacheth that the fruitfull seedesOf all things living, through impressionOf the sun-beames in moyst complexionDoe life conceive, and quick'ned are by kynd;So after Nilus' inundationInfinite shapes of creatures men doe fyndInformed in the mud on which the Sunne hath shynd.Great Father he of GenerationIs rightly called, th' Authour of life and light;And his faire sister for creationMinistreth matter fit, which tempred rightWith heate and humour breedes the living wight.
So delighted was he with this recollection, and with the beautiful picture of Belphœbe which it recalled, that he would instantly have named the foal Belphœbe,—if it had happened to be a filly. For a moment it occurred to him to call him Belphœbus; but then again he thought that Belphœbus was too like Belphegor, and he would not give any occasion for a mistake, which might lead to a suspicion that he favoured Nicholas's notion of the Devil's concern in the business.
But the naming of this horse was not so lightly to be decided. Would it have been fitting under all the circumstances of the case to have given him any such appellation as Buzzard, Trumpeter, Ploughboy, Master Jackey, Master Robert, Jerry Sneak, Trimmer, Swindler, Deceiver, Diddler, Boxer, Bruiser, Buffer, Prize-fighter, Swordsman, Snap—would it have been fitting I say to have given to a Colt who was dropt almost as unexpectedly as if he had dropt from the clouds,—would it I repeat have been fitting to have given him any one of these names, all known in their day upon the Turf, or of the numberless others commonly and with equal impropriety bestowed upon horses.
FACTS AND OBSERVATIONS RELATING TO ONOMATOLOGY.
FACTS AND OBSERVATIONS RELATING TO ONOMATOLOGY.
Moreover there are many more things in the World than there are names for them; according to the saying of the Philosopher;Nomina sunt finita, res autem infinitæ; ideo unum nomen plura significat:which saying is by a certain, or rather uncertain, author approved:Multis speciebus non sunt nomina; idcirco necessarium est nomina fingere, si nullum ante erit nomen impositum.
GWILLIM.
Names, Reader, are serious things; and certain philosophers, as well as Mr. Shandy, have been to use the French-English of the day, deeply penetrated with this truth.
The name of the Emperor of Japan is never known to his subjects during his life. And the people of ancient Rome never knew the true and proper name of their own City, which is indeed among the things that have utterly perished. It was concealed as the most awful of all mysteries, lest if it were known to the enemies of the City, they might by force of charms and incantations deprive it of the aid of its tutelary Gods.—As for that mystery which has occasioned among Hebrew Critics the Sect of the Adonists, I only hint thereat.
Names, Reader, are serious things, so serious that no man since Adam has been able, except by special inspiration, to invent one which should be perfectly significant.
Adan, antes que el bien le fuera oposito,Fue tan grande filosofo y dialectico,Que a todo quanto Dios le dio en deposito,(Aunque pecando fue despues frenetico,)De nombres adorno tan a propositoComo quien tuvo espiritu profetico;Porque naturaleza en modo tacitoLas causas descubrio a su beneplacito.Esta virtud tan alta fue perdiendoseDe los que del vinieron derivandose,Tanto que todos van desvaneciendose.En aplicar los nombres, y engañandose,Sino es por algun Angel descubriendose,O por inspiracion manifestandose.1
Adan, antes que el bien le fuera oposito,Fue tan grande filosofo y dialectico,Que a todo quanto Dios le dio en deposito,(Aunque pecando fue despues frenetico,)De nombres adorno tan a propositoComo quien tuvo espiritu profetico;Porque naturaleza en modo tacitoLas causas descubrio a su beneplacito.Esta virtud tan alta fue perdiendoseDe los que del vinieron derivandose,Tanto que todos van desvaneciendose.En aplicar los nombres, y engañandose,Sino es por algun Angel descubriendose,O por inspiracion manifestandose.1
1CAYRASCO DEFIGUEROA.
Names, Reader, I repeat, are serious things: and much ingenuity has been exerted in inventing appropriate ones not only for man and beast, but for inanimate things. Godfathers and Godmothers, Navigators, Shipbuilders, Florists, Botanists, Chemists, Jockies, Feeders, Stage Coach-Proprietors, Quacks, Perfumers, Novelists and Dramatists have all displayed their taste in the selection of Names.
More whimsically consorted names will seldom be found than among the Lodges of the Manchester Unity of the Independent Order of Odd Fellows—You find there Apollo and St. Peter; the Rose of Sharon, and the Rose of Cheetham; Earl Fitz-william, Farmer's Glory, and Poor Man's Protection; Philanthropic and Lord Byron, Lord John Russell and Good Intent; Queen Caroline (Bergami's Queen not George the Seconds) and Queen Adelaide.
Reader be pleased to walk into the Garden with me. You see that bush,—what would you call the fruit which it bears?—The Gooseberry.—But its more particular name?—Its botanical name isribes—orgrossularia, which you will Mr. Author.—Still Reader we are in generals. For you and I, and our wives and children, and all plain eaters of gooseberry-pie and gooseberry-fool, the simple name gooseberry might suffice. Not so for the scientific in gooseberries, the gooseberryologists. They could distinguish whether it were the King or the Duke of York; the Yellow Seedling or the Prince of Orange; Lord Hood or Sir Sidney Smith; Atlas or Hercules; the Green Goose or the Green Bob or the Green Chisel; the Colossus or the Duke of Bedford; Apollo or Tickle Toby; the Royal Oak or the Royal Sovereign; the Hero or the Jolly Smoaker; the Game Keeper or the Sceptre; the Golden Gourd or the Golden Lion, or the Gold-finder; Worthington's Conqueror or Somach's Victory; Robinson's Stump or Davenport's Lady; Blakeley's Chisel or Read's Satisfaction; Bell's Farmer or the Creeping Ceres; the White Muslin, the White Rose, the White Bear, the White Noble or the White Smith; the Huntsman, the Gunner, the Thrasher, the Viper, the Independent, the Glory of Eccles, or the Glory of England; Smith's Grim-Mask, Blomerly's John Bull, Hamlet's Beauty of England, Goodier's Nelson's Victory, Parkinson's Scarlet Virgin, Milling's Crown Bob, Kitt's Bank of England, Yeat's Wild-Man of the Wood, Davenport's Jolly Hatter, or Leigh's Fiddler.—For all these are Gooseberries: and yet this is none of them; it is the Old Ironmonger.
Lancashire is the County in which the Gooseberry has been most cultivated; there is a Gooseberry book annually printed at Manchester; and the Manchester Newspapers recording the death of a person and saying that he bore a severe illness with Christian fortitude and resignation, add that he was much esteemed among the Class of Gooseberry Growers.—A harmless class they must needs be deemed, but even in growing Gooseberries emulation may be carried too far.
The Royal Sovereign which in 1794 was grown by George Cook of Ashton near Preston which weighed seventeen pennyweights, eighteen grains, was thought a Royal Gooseberry at that day. But the growth of Gooseberries keeps pace with the March of Intellect. In 1830 the largest Yellow Gooseberry on record was shown at Stockport, it weighed thirty-two pennyweights, thirteen grains, and was named the Teazer. The largest Red one was the Roaring Lion of thirty-one pennyweights, thirteen grains, shown at Nantwich; and the largest White, was the Ostrich shown at Ormskirk; falling far short of the others, and yet weighing twenty-four pennyweights, twenty grains. They have been grown as large as Pigeon's eggs. But the fruit is not improved by the forced culture which increases its size. The Gooseberry growers who show for the prizes which are annually offered, thin the fruit so as to leave but two or three berries on a branch; even then prizes are not gained by fair dealing: they contrive to support a small cup under each of these, so that the fruit shall for some weeks rest in water that covers about a fourth part, and this they call suckling the gooseberry.
Your Orchard, Sir! you are perhaps content with Codlins and Pippins, Non-pareils and Russets, with a few nameless varieties. But Mr. Forsyth will tell you of the Beauty of Kent, of the Belle Grisdeline, the Boomrey, the Hampshire Nonsuch, the Dalmahoy, the Golden Mundi, the Queening, the Oak Peg, the Nine Square, the Paradise Pippin, the Violet Apple, the Corpendu, the Trevoider, the Ramborn, the Spanish Onion, the Royal George, the Pigeonette, the Norfolk Paradise, the Long-laster, the Kentish Fill-baskets, the Maiden's Blush, the Lady's Finger, the Scarlet Admirable, the Hall-Door, the Green Dragon, the Fox's Whelp, the Fair Maid of Wishford, Coble-dick-longerkin—an apple in the north of Devon and Cornwall, which Mr. Polwhele supposes to have been introduced into the parish of Stratton by one Longerkin who was called Cobble-dick, because his name was Richard and he was a Cobler by trade. John Apple,
——whose withered rind, intrench'dWith many a furrow, aptly representsDecrepid age.2
——whose withered rind, intrench'dWith many a furrow, aptly representsDecrepid age.2
the King of the Pippins (of him hereafter in the Chapter of Kings) and the Seek-no-farther,—after which no farther will we seek.
2PHILIPS.
Of Pears, theBon Chrêtiencalled by English Gardeners the Bum-Gritton, theTeton de Venusand theCuisse Madame, three names which equally mark the country from whence they came. The last Bishop of Alais before the French Revolution visiting a Rector once who was very rich and very avaricious, gave him some gentle admonitory hint of the character he had heard of him. “Mais Monseigneur,” said the Man, “il faut garder une Poire pour la soif.” “Vous avez bien raison,” replied the Bishop: “prenez garde seulement qu'elle soit du bon Chrêtien.” The first Lord Camelford in one of whose letters this pun is preserved, thought it perfect. But to proceed with the nomenclature of Pears, there are the Supreme, the Bag-pipe of Anjou, the Huff Cap, the Grey Good Wife, the Goodman's Pear, the Queen's Pear, the Prince's Pear, the Marquis's Pear, the Dean's Pear, the Knave's Pear, the Pope's Pear, the Chaw Good, the Vicar, the Bishop's Thumb, the Lady's Lemon, the Lord Martin, the St. Austin, La Pastorelle and Monsieur John, the Great Onion, the Great Mouthwater, the King of Summer, the Angelic Pear,—and many others which I would rather eat than enumerate. At present the Louis Philippe holds pre-eminence.
ThePropria quæ Potatibuswill be found not less rich,—though here we perceive a lower key of invention, as adapted to a lower rank of fruit and affording a proof of Nature's Aristocracy;—here we have Red Champions, White Champions, Late Champions and English Champions, Early Manlys, Rough Reds, Smooth Yellows, Silver Skins, Pink Eyes, Golden Tags, Golden Gullens, Common Wise, Quaker Wise, Budworth's Dusters, Poor Man's Profit, Lady Queens, Drunken Landlords, Britons, Crones, Apples, Magpies, Lords, Invincibles, the Painted Lady and the Painted Lord, the Golden Dun, the Old Red Rough, and the Ox Noble;
Cum multis aliis quæ nunc perscribere longum est.
Cum multis aliis quæ nunc perscribere longum est.
For Roses, methinks Venus, and the Fair Maid, and Flora, and Favorite, and Diana may well keep company with our old favourite the Maiden Blush. There may be too, though it were to be wished there were not, a Miss Bold, among these beautiful flowers. Nor would I object to Purple nor to Ruby, because they are significant if nothing more. But for Duchess, with double blush, methinks the characteristic and the name go ill together. The Great Mogul is as bad as the Vagrant; the Parson worse than either; and for Mount Etna, and Mount Vesuvius, it excites an explosion of anger to hear of them.
Among the trees in Barbadoes, we read of Anchovy the Apple, the Bread and Cheese, or Sucking bottle, the Belly ache and the Fat Pork Tree!
From the fields and gardens to the Dairy. In the Vaccine nomenclature we pass over the numerals and the letters of the Alphabet. Would you have more endearing appellations than Curly, Curl-pate, Pretty, Browny, Cot Lass, Lovely Lass (a name peradventure imposed by that person famous in the proverb, as the old Woman who kissed her Cow)—more promising than Bee, Earnest, Early, Standfast, Fill-bouk, Fillpan,—more romantic than Rose, Rosely, Rosebud, Roseberry, Rosamond, Rosella, Rosalina, Furba, Firbrella, Firbrina, more rural than Rurorea.
Then for Bulls,—was there not the Bull Shakespeare, by Shakespeare off young Nell, who was sold in the year 1793 for £400., with a condition that the seller should have the privilege every year of introducing two Cows to the said Shakespeare. And was there not the Bull Comet who was sold for 1000 guineas. I say nothing of Alderman Bull, nor of John Bull, nor of the remarkable Irish Breed.
For horses I content myself with remembering the never to be forgotten Pot-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-os, sometimes written Pot8os. Whose was the proudest feeling of exultation, his who devised this numerico-literal piece of wit,—or that of Archimedes when he exclaimedΕὑρηκα?And while touching the Arithmographic mode of writing let us not forget the Frenchman who by the union of a pun and a hieroglyph described his Sovereign's style thus—Louis with ten-oysters in a row after the name.
As for the scientific names of Plants,—if Apollo had not lost all power he would have elongated the ears of Tournefort and Linnæus, and all their followers, as deservedly as he did those of Midas.
Of the Knights or Horsemen, Greeks and Trojans, Rustics and Townsmen among—Butterflies,—and the Gods, Goddesses, Muses and Graces, Heroes, Worthies and Unworthies, who feed in their grub state upon lettuces and cabbages, sleep through their aurelian term of existence, and finally obtain a name in the naturalist's nomenclature, and perhaps a local habitation in his Cabinet with a pin through their bodies, I say nothing, farther than to state why one tribe of them is denominated Trojans. Be it known then in the words of a distinguished Entomologist, that “this tribe has been dedicated by Entomologists to the memory of the more distinguished worthies of the Trojan race, and above others to preserve, the memory of those heroes whose exploits in the defence of that rich and potent station of the ancient world, the town of Troy, have been commemorated in the Iliad by the immortal Homer.” Lest Homer therefore and all the works derived from him should perish from remembrance the Entomologists have very considerately devised this means for preserving the memory of Hector.
Hath not Daniel Girton, of the County of Bucks, in his Complete Pigeon-Fancier, wherein he points out to the Gentlemen of the Fancy, the foul marks and the real perfections of every valuable species of Fancy Birds and Toys which in his time were bred in England, France and Holland;—hath not Daniel Girton, I say, (tho' Boswell thought that a sentence so formed as to require anI'sayto keep it together, resembled a pair of ill-mended breeches, and candidly acknowledged the resemblance in his own,—the sentence I mean, which he was then penning, not the breeches which he wore;)—hath not Daniel Girton, I say, particularly enumerated in his Title-Page among the varieties of such Fancy Birds, Powters, Carriers, Horsemen, Dragoons, Croppers, Powting Horsemen, Uplopers, Fantails, Chinese Pigeons, Lace-Pigeons, Tumblers, Runts, Spots, Laughers, Trumpeters, Jacobines, Capuchines, Nuns, Shakers, Helmets, Ruffs, Finnikins, Turners, Barbs, Mahomets, Turbits, Owls, and Smiters, concluding the imperfect enumeration with an &c.
The Foul Fiends also have odd names. Witness the list which John Gee collected after the veracious Romish Priests of his time: Lusty Dick, Killico, Hob, Corner-Cap, Puffe, Purre, Frateretto, Fliberdigibbet, Haberdicut, Cocabelto, Maho, (this Maho, who was a gentleman as Shakespeare tells us, maintained his ground against a Priest for seven hours) Kellicocam, Wilkin, Smolkin, Lusty Jolly Jenkin, (this must have been a Welsh Devil and of a noble race) Porto Richo, (peradventure a Creole Devil,) Pudding of Thame—(fie on such pudding!) Pour Dieu (Pour Diable!) Bonjour, Motubizanto, Nur, Bernon, Delicate.
The familiar of that “damnable and malicious witch Elizabeth Southerns, alias Dimdikes, was called Tibb: she dwelt in the forest of Pendle,” a vast place fit for her profession, and she was a general Agent for the Devil in all those parts.
There was one Mr. Duke, a busy fanatic, in Devonshire in Charles II.'s days, whom old Sir Edward Seymour used to call Spirit Po, that said Po being apetit diable, a small devil that wasprestoat every Conjuror's nod. He (the said Mr. Duke) was a common runner up and down on factious errands; and there could not be a meeting in the country for business or mirth, but Spirit Po was there.
Actæus Megalesius, Ormenus, Lycus, Nicon and Mimon are five of the Chief Telchinnes or Alastores, who take the waters of Styx in their hands, and sprinkle them over the earth, thereby causing all kinds of diseases and calamities.
It is known upon testimony which has received the sanction of the Holy Office, that Lucifer has three Lord Lieutenants, whose names are Aquias, Brum, and Acatu: whether the second assumed his name in prospective compliment to the Queen's Attorney-General, or whether the name itself has some appropriate and amiable signification in the infernal tongue must be left to conjecture. These Lord Lieutenants were sent with a whole army of Devils to make war against a person of the feminine gender called in her own language Anna de Santiago, but in the language of Hell, Catarruxa, which according to the interpretation given by the Devils themselves, means the Strong Woman. The General was named Catacis, and the names of the subordinate Commanders have been faithfully recorded by a Franciscan Chronicler of unquestioned veracity, for the use of Exorcists, experience having shown that it is of signal use in their profession to know the names of the enemies with whom they are contending, the Devils perhaps having learnt from the Lawyers, (who are able to teach the Devil), to take advantage of a misnomer. This indeed is so probable that it cannot be superfluous to point out to Exorcists a received error, which must often have frustrated their laudable endeavours, if the same literal accuracy be required in their processes as in those of the Law. They no doubt have always addressed the Prince of the Devils by the name of Beelzebub, but his real name is Beelzebul; and so St. Jerome found it in all his Manuscripts, but not understanding what was then the common, and true reading, he alteredΒεελζεβȣλintoΒεελζεϐȣϐ,—by which he made the word significant to himself, but enabled Beelzebul to quash all actions of ejectment preferred against him in this false name. The value of this information will be appreciated in Roman Catholic Countries. Gentlemen of the long robe will think it beautiful; and I have this additional motive for communicating it, to wit, that it may be a warning to all verbal Critics. I now return to my nomenclature.
If a catalogue of plants or animals in a newly discovered country be justly esteemed curious, how much more curious must a genuine muster-roll of Devils be esteemed, all being Devils of rank and consequence in the Satanic service. It is to Anna de Santiago herself that we are originally beholden for it, when at her Confessor's desire,