XIV.—LITTLE VICTORIES.—Continued.
8. Hugh found himself subject to very painful feelings sometimes, such as no one quite understood, and such as he feared no one was able to pity as they deserved. On one occasion, when he had been quite merry for a while, and his mother and sister Agnes were chatting[110]they thought they heard a sob from the sofa. They spoke to Hugh, and found that he was indeed crying bitterly.
“What is it, my dear,” said his mother. “Agnes, have we said anything that could hurt his feelings?”
“No, no,” sobbed Hugh. “I will tell you presently.”
9. And presently he told them, that he was so busy listening to what they said, that he forgot every thing else, when he felt as if something got between two of his toes; unconsciously he put down his hand, as if his foot was there! Nothing could be plainer than the feeling in his toes; and, then, when he put out his hand, and found nothing, it was so terrible! it startled him so! It was a comfort to find that his mother knew about this. She came, and kneeled by his sofa, and told him that many persons who had lost a limb, considered this the most painful thing they had to bear, for some time; but that, though the feeling would return occasionally through life, it would cease to be painful.
10. Hugh was very much dejected[111], and when he thought of the months and years, to the end of his life, and that he should never run and play, and never be like other people, he almost wished that he was dead.
Agnes thought that he must be miserable indeed, if he could venture to say this to his mother. She glanced at her mother’s face, but there was no displeasure there. On the contrary, she said this feeling was very natural. She had felt it herself, under smaller misfortunes than Hugh’s; but she had found, though the prospect appears all strewn[112]with troubles, that they come singly, and are not so hard to bear, after all.
11. She told Hugh, that when she was a little girl, she was very lazy, fond of her bed, and not at all fond of dressing or washing.
“Why, mother! you?” exclaimed Hugh.
“Yes; that was the sort of little girl I was. Well, I was in despair, one day, at the thought that I should have to wash and clean my teeth, and brush my hair, and put on every article of dress, every morning as long as I lived.”
“Did you tell any body?” asked Hugh.
12. “No; I was ashamed to do that; but I remember I cried. You see how it turns out. When we have become accustomed to any thing, we do it without ever thinking of the trouble, and, as the old fable tells us, the clock, that has to tick so many millions of times, has exactly the same number of seconds to do it in. So will you find, that you can move about on each separate occasion, as you wish, and practise will enable you to do it without any trouble or thought.”
“But this is not all, nor half what I mean,” said Hugh.
13. “No, my dear, nor half what you will have to bear. You resolved to bear it all patiently, I remember. But what is it you dread the most?”
“Oh! all manner of things. I can never do like other people.”
“Some things,” replied his mother. “You can never play cricket, as every Crofton boy would like to do. You can never dance at your sister’s Christmas parties.”
14. “Oh! mamma!” cried Agnes, with tears in her eyes, and with the thought in her mind, that it was cruel to talk so.
“Go on! go on!” cried Hugh, brightening. “You know what I feel, mother; and you don’t keep telling me, as others do, and even sister Agnes, sometimes, that it will not signify much, and that I shall not care, and all that; making out that it is no misfortune,hardly, when I know what it is, and they don’t. Now then, go on, mother! What else?”
15. “There will be little checks and mortifications continually, when you see little boys leaping over this, and climbing that, and playing at the other, while you must stand out, and can only look on. And some people will pity you, in a way you will not like; and some may even laugh at you.”
“Oh mamma!” exclaimed Agnes.
“Well, and what else?” said Hugh.
16. “Sooner or later, you will have to follow some way of life determined by this accident, instead of one that you would have liked better.”
“Well, what else?”
“I must ask you, now. I can think of nothing more; and I hope there is not much else; for, indeed, I think here is quite enough for a boy, or any one else, to bear.”
“I will bear it, though; you will see.”
17. “You will find great helps. These misfortunes, of themselves strengthen one’s mind. They have some advantages, too. You will be a better scholar for your lameness, I have no doubt. You will read more books, and have a mind richer in thoughts. You will be more beloved by us all, and you yourself will love God more for having given you something to bear for His sake. God Himself will help you to bear your trials. You will conquer your trials one by one, and by a succession oflittle victories, will, at last, completely triumph over all.”
[110]Chatˊ-ting, talking familiarly.[111]De-jectˊ-ed, discouraged, low-spirited.[112]Strewn, scattered.
[110]Chatˊ-ting, talking familiarly.
[110]Chatˊ-ting, talking familiarly.
[111]De-jectˊ-ed, discouraged, low-spirited.
[111]De-jectˊ-ed, discouraged, low-spirited.
[112]Strewn, scattered.
[112]Strewn, scattered.