CHAP.XIV.
Showing how it was the fashion to harangue Mrs.Bull.
Altho’ Mrs. Bull, in all matters of consequence, generally took her resolution before she came into the office, yet it was the fashion to talk to her, as if she was undetermined to the last; and she herself humoured people in this whim, by listening to them, as if she was drinking in instruction at both her ears, from every word they said. This same had its consequences, for she got the habit of doing nothing, unless some body spoke to her more or less, and then if she was never so much determined upon a point, she was oftenout of countenance, when all the talk and the noise was on the other side.
This circumstance made Jowler so precious a fellow, that Hubble-bubble himself, at the time he had most to say with Mrs. Bull, would have given a piece of his ear to have had Jowler hold his tongue; which he, however, would never do, till he saw time and place convenient. Then do historians say, that they have seen him as silent as a lamb, or making his noise on t’other side of the same question.
However this be, you may believe that this affair of sister Peg’s was not to pass without talking enough. Mrs. Bull was no sooner seated, than there were people enow ready to advise her;she was told to put off the matter to another time, that it was an affair of great consequence, and that Peg appeared to be in too great a hurry. Which was scarcely said, when she was told, that her ladyship was no stranger to such subjects, that she had heard enough of it lately from her own husband, and given her opinion; that the people who spoke of Margaret’s hurry, were certainly in jest, and meant to ridicule the poor woman for her long patience and forbearance.
In short, some people said, that they did not think it was safe to trust sister Peg with any arms at all. They bid Mrs. Bull recollect, whether she had not heard, that Peg had been in the practice of biting and scratching her brother,when they were both in the nursery; and asked, what security John now had, that she might not beat him out of his own house, or otherwise use him as she thought proper.
Mrs. Bull herself was ashamed of this argument; for a woman, whatever she may think, cannot bear to hear her husband meanly spoke of. But she was soon relieved of this distress, by a person who set forth John’s manhood to some purpose; and in short, gave his opinion, that to be afraid of so inferior a force was mean and dastardly, to express any jealousy of Margaret’s dispositions was injurious and abominable, as they had every reason to believe, that she was well satisfied with her brother, and only meant to tread in his steps, ina matter which would be so honourable for both.
One fellow came running from the pantry, with a bib and an apron, and quoted the nurse’s dream; he said, that although John Bull had banished the weavers, it was no reason why his sister Peg should do the like; that she had more need to have a piece of cloth sent her to make coats for her children, than authority for any such pernicious scheme; and that if she and her whole house were at the door, he would not grant so ruinous a favour; that he remembered to have heard the condition that both houses were in, when every body thought himself qualified to fight, that there was then neither wheel nor loom within the door, and nobody wrought anyat all; and he asked Mrs. Bull, whether she would have those times revived?
To this it was said, that every body might have heard of times, when people wrought very little, but that they always wrought more or less; and that if there was less work done formerly than now, it was because fewer people were bred to business, and because there was not so ready a market for fine cloaths or other niceties, by which tradesmen get their livelihood; but that now when every body is bred to business, and a tradesman’s work is well paid for, it was absurd to say, they would grow idle, merely because they could keep their own, and were put in a condition not to be robbed and plundered.
This did not hinder others from talking on without end. Some of your fine-spun faint-hearted thinking people declared, that they did not think that John Bull or his sister could prosecute this scheme; it was a fine one indeed, they said, but the brother and sister were now too old to think of such projects; a good warm bed, an elbow-chair, or a couch, a glass of cordial, or a bit of comfortable dinner, were properer subjects for them to think of, than scrambling over hedges, lying out of nights, and dry blows: That game-keepers might be dangerous within doors, but that John had now no other chance to keep off roguish neighbours: That either his own game-keepers, or those of other people, would lay him in hisgrave at last: That it became him and his sister who had so many marks of age about them, rather to think of preparing themselves for the other world, than to talk of vapouring any longer in this. In short, there was no end of the impertinencies which were spoken in this strain, all giving Mrs. Bull a speedy prospect of widowhood, and turning her thoughts toward Sir Thomas, or some other of your spruce young gallants.
Some said it was lucky that John heard nothing of all this, for he was sometimes as jealous as ten furies, and if he had symptoms of age, he had likewise remains of youth, which would have very ill brooked such insidious attacks on his honour. For our parts we wish that hehad heard every word of it, and had given the person who spoke so, a slap in the face; for we do not see what any body has to do putting people in mind of their age, and we are very sure that John will not die the sooner, for doing all he can to keep himself alive; and if he was to die to-morrow, we would rather see him hearty and well while he lives, were it but for an hour, than moping and drooping his head, and in terror not only of what is to come in the other world, but even of every fool who may think to tread upon him in this.
No sooner the rustling, whispering and hubbub which this speech had occasioned was over, then in steps a game-keeper, to tell how much better he could defend the house than any body else.For you must know that the game-keepers were very angry, and treated John Bull as little better than a poacher, for pretending to keep a gun in his own house.
He told Mrs. Bull that her husband and his family were mere aukward lubbers, who never could get the strut nor the air of a game keeper to the end of the world; that a man could not fight unless he gave his whole time to it; and that unless a man could fight to purpose, he had better not fight at all.
This speech met with an answer too. It was said, that every body would fight till he ran away; that some people ran away sooner, and others later; that nobody, however, could do it sooner thanthe game-keepers themselves had done upon occasion; whether their manner of running away was better than any that John or his sister could attain, this speaker would not pretend to say; but he saw no harm in letting them have a gun in their hands now and then, to use them to it, in order that they might stand as long as possible, if any body came to attack them; and he could see no objection to this, unless it was said, that people were the worse for being used to a firelock, and fought best when they knew nothing of the matter, which from what he had heard of new hired game-keepers might possibly be the case; but that people would probably not urge that argument; and for his part, he had always considered a previous useof arms, as an advantage in times of danger; and therefore, he thought that not onlyMr.Bull, but his sister too, should have as much of it, as was consistent with their situation.