CHAP.XVI.
HowBumbogave his evidence.
We are far from commending the practice of certain historians, who pretend to give the compleatspeeches which were spoken many ages before, by leaders of armies, members of councils, and orators in popular assemblies; we maintain that nobody can do this, except the devil, or some person to whom the speaker himself gave a copy of his harangue in writing. This not being our case, we content ourselves with giving a few broken hints, such as we have been able to collect from the best authorities, in order to give our reader some notion of the substance of what was said to Mrs. Bull upon this great occasion. With respect to the contents of this chapter, indeed, we are singularly happy, in having met with the memoirs of Suck-Fist, a very learned man of that age, who used to feed the game-keeper’s pointer, and being present with Mrs. Bull on this occasion,has transmitted to posterity the particulars of Bumbo’s appearance.
By him we are informed, that Bumbo, after all, was not put to his oath; that the terrors of a formal oath approaching, he so explained what he had said about the forgery, that it was not thought expedient to put him to it in public; and the nurse thought it was better to hazard a speech from him at large, which if the lady’s bowels could bear to an end, would at least show the world, that there was one of Peg’s own people against granting her request.
Bumbo therefore appeared with this view, as no better could be made of it. Suck-Fist relates, that he began with declaring the instructions he had gotfrom Margaret, to second her application. He said, that for his part it was his opinion, that nothing could be more reasonable than the proposal she made; that if John Bull had arms in his house, or sent his children to the fencing school for a month or two, there was no reason why Margaret should be hindered from doing the same thing; and that there was nothing more desireable than to have every distinction between the two families abolished.
Were not Suck-Fist a writer of good authority, both in point of judgment and veracity, we should be apt to question the following particulars of his narration; they are so repugnant to what went before, and so totally void of sense or coherence, that not only we, but all future historians will hesitate before theytranscribe this part of his memoirs into their works. But as fiction is often more probable than truth, we draw a presumption of veracity from the very want of likelihood in the case, and are sure that such things could never have come into any body’s head, if they had not been true. To dissuade Mrs. Bull from signing the order, which, it seems, was brought her ready written, relating to Peg’s people, he tells her, that it was exactly like that she had already given in her own house. He did not pretend, at least in public, that the Geoffrites were many in Peg’s house, yet he would not even let Sir Thomas pick and chuse, but said, it was giving arms indiscriminately, to raise turbulent spirits. He commended Mac Lurchar extremely, and said it was a pity to take him off his loom, except he was to be transported;that giving him arms would spoil his hand as a weaver, and hinder his fighting, in which he had behaved so gloriously, that he did not deserve to be discouraged, much less annihilated, till John had made up matters with Lewis Baboon. He pointed at many bad consequences, that would attend employing Mac Lurchar, for the defence of the house, such as spoiling a good weaver, and the like; but he insisted, that no distinction should be made between him and any body else, by pushing a line, or any other method that could separate the house into two parts; I implore, beseech, and intreat, says he, that you would not push any such line across our house; let us all be treated alike, and if there be any of us who are not in danger of being molested, or others who arenot fit to carry arms, let us all be refused them together, that nobody’s mind may be ruffled, nor any heart-burnings be left, but those which do or may subsist between John Bull himself and his worthy sister Margaret; they have been used to more dust than any can raise between them, and can bear it all. He advised Mrs. Bull to do nothing at all in Peg’s house, lest she should forget something; when you have shown to us, that you can remember every circumstance at once, then we will apply for your directions, or devise a method of our own; and as Margaret has already born the disgrace of this difference so long, I see no reason why she may not bear it some time longer; her house can never be more open, or more defenceless than it is now, nor her children less qualified to resist thieves; and I see noreason to hurry the supply of defects, to which she is now so well accustomed. He concluded by telling Mrs. Bull, what a dangerous thing it would be to give any orders in Peg’s house, when he was told that her ladyship was just going to give some fresh order in her own.
These particulars, posterity will no doubt admit upon the testimony of Suck-Fist; especially as he adds, that if any body shall say, that Bumbo reasoned upon other principles, he is ready to contradict them, by saying it is not true. He subjoins, that Jowler paid him great respect in speaking after him; and we ourselves know, that Small-Trash exclaimed, that he had gained immortal honour.