IITHE DYNASTY
THOSE days were in the reign of my grandfather.
A long line of ancestors must have reigned before him, to judge by the portraits in the drawing room. Most of these portraits were now much blackened, so that unless there was a flood of light it was pretty difficult to guess what the frames held. One of the most defaced of them was the one that most commanded my admiration. Only the face and one hand were visible—they might have been a woman’s face and hand; but I had been told of the important part their owner had borne in the wars, and I wondered how so young and handsome a man could have fought so much. The lady with the rose attracted me, too. No matter on what side of her I stood, from every side she smiled upon me and showed me her flower. I pass over certain stem faces trussed up in high collars, swathed in huge neckcloths, as if afflicted with colds, and come to two portraits which occupied the place of honour on the right and left of the chimney. One wore a blue coat laced with silver, a scarlet waistcoat, white knee breeches and the three-cornered hat of the French Guard. The other wore the bear-skin cap and the blue great coat withgilt buttons and red braid on sleeves and collar of a grenadier of the Old Guard. The soldier of the King and the soldier of the Emperor were companion pictures. To judge by their decorations, both had well served France. Father had proudly told me of their exploits, and explained their grade. I could not look at them without a sort of reverential fear. They were not handsome, having more bone than flesh, and features all out of drawing, but I should not have dared to call them ugly. Their eyes, severely fixed upon me, troubled me. They reproached me for not having achieved wonderful victories like that of the grenadier at Moscow, or for at least not having undergone heroic defeat like the French Guard at Malplaquet. For a long time these two were the only names of battles that I knew. And I used to blush for Tem Bossette’s wooden sabres and the laths that I bestrode. I understood that my feats of horsemanship in the garden were not serious, were not real. Those two redoubtable portraits sometimes puffed me up with pride and again overwhelmed me with their importance. One day when I was gazing upon them with some uneasiness grandfather came by, and with his little dry smile and his most impertinent pursing of the lips, let fall the words,
“Pooh! They are only bad paintings.”
It is dangerous to teach too much esthetics to a child. I was glad that they were bad paintings. In a moment the soldier of the King with his three-cornered hat and the soldier of the Emperor with his bear-skincap lost all their fascination. Thenceforth their story was nothing to me. I was set free from the servitude of a compelled admiration. I at once felt my superiority over a badly painted past, and could judge the gallery of ancestors with insolence.
One day the subject of exiling them to the garret was agitated. Grandfather desired to replace them with engravings.
“They are of the eighteenth century,” he observed, by way of settling the question, making the statement simply and courteously, as the most natural thing in the world. But Aunt Deen exclaimed indignantly and father exerted that calm authority that broke down all resistance. Grandfather did not insist; he never insisted. But I understood him, since they were bad paintings.
Grandfather’s government was negligent and fitful. As well say he had no government. When I read in my history book, or in that of my elder brothers, the chapter consecrated to the sluggard kings I immediately thought of grandfather. He made no point at all of his prerogatives. And yet his name was Augustus. I knew it, because great-aunt Bernardine, she whom we called Aunt Deen, and who was his sister, called him Augustus, though as seldom as possible, for his name irritated him.
“Yes,” he said one day, “they named me Augustus—why the mischief I don’t know. That’s another trick that ancestors have. They fasten aridiculous label upon you for all your days.”
Though of medium height, grandfather gave the impression of being tall, because of his fine head, which he was not in the least proud of and carried with indifference. His well-cut nose was slightly aquiline. His white hair, which he would never have had cut but for Aunt Deen’s abrupt interventions, curled a little, and he was continually thrusting his fingers through his long beard,—which waved like that of the Emperor Charlemagne in the pictures,—lest some grains of tobacco should be caught in it, for he smoked and took snuff. On a nearer view the impression as of a prophet which he first gave gradually faded away and vanished. He looked down too often, or lifted upon you vague eyes that refused to see you. You felt that you did not exist, so far as he was concerned, and nothing is more irritating than that. He cared for nothing and for no one. His clothes hung upon his body by the grace of God and Aunt Deen. He never knew whether they were well or ill fitting, and as to changing them he would gladly have worn them till they left him first. The more worn they were the more was he at ease in them. I fancy that he had never known the use of suspenders, and cravats seemed to him a wretched concession to fashion. He detested whatever restricted his movements and would have been content to wear all day long the green dressing gown and the black velvet Greek cap inwhich he felt at ease, and which he did sometimes wear to the midday breakfast. When my brothers and I saw him appear in this accoutrement we would be bursting with laughter which a glance from our father forced us to smother; but the same glance seemed to include a reproof of the famous dressing gown.
It was with great difficulty that grandfather could be induced to be regular at meals.
“Oh,” he would say good-naturedly, “one eats when he is hungry. Rules for meal times are absurd.”
“Still,” father would urge, evidently not pleased, but endeavouring to speak gently—yet even in our father’s gentleness we felt an impression of authority—“still there must be order in a household.”
“Order, order, oho!”
You should have heard his “ohos!” uttered softly, warily, in a sort of aside, yet striking at all established order, and accompanied by a little dry laugh. That little laugh at once placed grandfather above his interlocutors. Nothing have I ever met in all the forms of human expression more disquieting, more mocking, more ironical, than that little laugh. It at once gave you the idea that you were a beast. It produced upon me the effect of the sharp clip of the shears when the rose bushes are pruned;ric,rac, the flowers fall;ric,rac, there are none left. By his little laugh, involuntarily, no doubt, grandfather offered an insult to all the world.
His presiding at table was honorary and not effective. Not only did he not direct the conversation, he followed it but fitfully, when it interested him. For that matter, he assumed no responsibility about anything. When he walked in the garden, visited the vines, Tem, Mimi and The Hanged utterly failed to extract from him any directions. He would simply make a vague gesture which signified “Let me alone.” The trio did not make a point of receiving instructions, for his silence suited them, but matters went none the better in consequence.
Besides his laugh, he had another claim to superiority, his violin. Was he not in the drawing room among the portraits, young and curly-haired, with a guitar in his hands?
“Never in my life have I twanged that odious instrument,” he one day protested. “But a wandering Italian felt impelled to make a daub of me.”
“You were so beautiful,” asserted Aunt Deen. “The artist was all enthusiasm over you.”
“Oh, the artist!”
He would spend long hours in his room playing his instrument, but he devoted still more time to examining it lovingly, handling it, tightening or loosening the strings, touching the bow with resin, as mowers in the fields so often spend more time whetting their scythes than in mowing, indefinitely making music upon them with a stone.
When grandfather played he turned every one out of his room. He played for himself alone, and in general the same airs, for I often listenedat the door; and in after years I used to recognise passages that he played from the Freischütz and Euryanthe, the Magic Flute and the Marriage of Figaro. Mozart’s pure rhythms were to me like that joy in breathing that one takes in childhood without noticing it, as limpid water takes on the contours of a vase; but Weber gave me a vague desire for things which I could not describe. I seemed to be in the heart of a forest, with paths stretching away interminably into the lost distances.
The pieces that he played were not all of equal merit, though I could not know that. Everything is good to a child in the springtime of sentiment. To this day I can not hear the overture to Poet and Peasant without emotion. One evening at Lucerne, by the lake side, the most ordinary of orchestras in the most ordinary of hotels began that overture. Around me men in dinner jackets and ladies in evening gowns went on chatting and laughing as if they heard nothing, as if they were deaf, yet I felt utterly alone, my heart melting and I thought I should weep. The orchestra was not playing for the public, it was playing for me alone, no longer the mediocre art of the Austrian composer, but the memory of my entrance as a child into the mysterious realm of sound and dreams, in the forest whose paths stretch away into the infinite.
At the same period the singing of one of my school comrades quite overcame me. It was at a first communion service. I had not yet beenadmitted to the Holy Table and was at leisure to listen. He sang that melody of Gounod,Heaven Has Visited the Earth, and quite truly heaven was visiting me, taking me by storm, carrying me away. My whole enraptured being made a part of that song. The voice rose high, higher, it seemed that it must break, that it was not strong enough to bear up those mighty notes that filled all the chapel. It seemed like those tall fountains, so slender that the wind carries them away, so that they never fall to earth. That voice was indeed broken as the boy became a youth; death carried away my comrade in his sixteenth year.
Then there was a music box that father had brought me from Milan whither he had been summoned for a consultation. When the screw was turned it gave forth soft, thin, somewhat quavering notes, and a little dancer would pirouette upon the cover. Gravely and in cadence with the music she would point her toes and take her position as if she were accomplishing a sacred rite, a sweet yet sad little spectacle. How many times have I been disenchanted in later years when I discovered that my partners in the ball were frivolous, when I had expected to find in them tender sweetness, that sacred sadness of the little dancer of my music box.
The sluggard kings in my history book were accompanied by mayors of the palace, who, at first mere officers charged with the interiorgovernment, became prime ministers and even masters of their masters. In school we heard eulogiums upon Pepin d’Heristal and Pepin the Short, who became the father of Charlemagne. Grandfather was not a very serious king and I quite expected father to take over the power. But why did he treat grandfather with so much respect, instead of dispossessing him? History had taught me to expect a different attitude. To the farmers, labourers and servant folk grandfather was justMonsieur, orMonsieur Rambert, and father wasMonsieur Michel. It would never have entered any one’s head to call upon monsieur, to consult monsieur, to ask monsieur for an order. Monsieur would have been the first to protest. “What do you want of me? Leave me in peace. I have no time (I could never understand why he had no time). Go to Monsieur Michel.” Thus he himself set the example. I had concluded like every one else that he was good for nothing. Yet once in a while, no one knew why, he would protest against being left out in matters of the palace—I mean to say, of the house. But whenever a serious matter was in question, an important order to be given, one would hear on all sides the cry, “Where is Monsieur Michel? Call Monsieur Michel!”
I have spoken of my father’s step. There was also his voice, sonorous, thrilling, cheery. He never raised it, he knew that there was no need. It opened doors, penetrated to the most distant rooms, and at thesame time poured into the heart new strength, like a good glass of red wine—as folk declare who understand such things. When he came late to dinner because of the crowd of patients who hung upon him, there was no need to ring the bell,—from his ante-room he would proclaim, as it were an edict, “Dinner!”
And the dispersed family would make haste to assemble.
“What a voice!” grandfather would protest, starting as if in amazement.
I can never read expressions like the following, which occur more or less in all manuals of history, save in those of the present day in which battles are juggled with as if they gained themselves—At the voice of their chief the soldiers rushed to the assault.—At the voice of their general the troops rallied—without hearing my father’s voice echoing through all the house. Tem Bossette, who was fearfully afraid of it, would hear it from the uttermost vines. The step announced a presence, but the voice gave orders. And yet the labourers were not under my father; all the same every one of them felt that he was the head. Everything about him conspired to give this impression; his height, his clear cut features, crossed by a short stiff moustache, his piercing eyes, the gaze of which one did not like to encounter. A sort of fascination emanated from his person. Aunt Deen, who shared the general sentiment, would saymy nephew, as if bursting with pride. The grenadier in the drawing-room couldnot have pursed up his lips otherwise to speak of the Emperor. I had not escaped this fascination, and even in my days of revolt I never ceased to pay him secret worship. But the spirit of liberty impels us to act contrary to our surest instincts, under pretext of asserting our liberty.
Do not think he was severe with us. He became terrible only when we were taking the wrong direction. Only, I have never known in any one else such an aptitude for command. In spite of his absorbing profession he found time to look after our studies and plays, and even to add to both by the epic stories which with consummate art he used to tell us. My memory retains them to this day, and will retain them always. It was easy to see that he honoured the family portraits. He made the past of our ancestors live again for us, but I could never forget that they were bad paintings.
When we felt ourselves observed by father we understood that in his glance, which encompassed our weakness with his strength, there was something besides tenderness and perhaps pride, but what was it? I know now that he was seeking in each one of us forecasts of our future. The antiquity of our race was not enough to satisfy his love of permanence; he would fain follow it into the obscure travail of the future and consolidate its unity. Even our happiness was less dear to him than the obedience of our will to the common task. The father’s glance enfoldswithin it the child’s image; the child knows that well, and it is all he needs to know.
While we were very little he taught us reverence for what he called our vocation. From our earliest years we felt its importance. My sister Mélanie, who was oldest of all, my brothers Bernard and Stephen had early decided upon theirs—for Bernard the army, for the other two the mission field. Father never thought of opposing them, although perhaps these choices forced him to resign hopes that he had cherished. The laughing Louise would marry, there was no hurry about that. As for Nicola and James, they were still too little for much thought about their future.
“And you?” my father had asked me.
As I had no answer ready, he gave utterance to his desire.
“You will remain with us.”
Thus it was agreed that I was to remain, to take charge of the household. The part assigned to me hardly allured me; it seemed tame and commonplace, whereas the destinies of the others were adorned with all the glamour of leaving home. I neither confirmed nor opposed the plan proposed for my future, but within myself I felt a wild desire to be set free from these arrangements, from this power that dominated me. Secret longings to rebel even against those I loved began to germinate within me. Later they were destined to grow, under an influence at that time unforeseen.
I ought now to tell about The Queen. Is it not her turn? Yet in truth I can not do it and you must not ask me to. That shadow which I always seek as I return to the house, and which our absence was always enough to disquiet—I can only invoke her presence there. It is indeed she, but remote and hidden. When I try to draw near her I can find no words.
Have you observed, on fine summer days, the blue haze that floats over the hillsides and helps to bring out the delicate contours of the earth? If I could throw a transparent veil like that over my mother’s face, it seems to me that I should have more courage to tell of her sweetness, to describe the pureness of those eyes which could not believe in evil. What unknown strength was concealed beneath that sweetness? Grandfather, who could ward off any influence merely by his irritating little laugh, and who never laid aside this weapon of defence even with his son, invariably abandoned it before my mother. And my father, whose authority seemed to be absolute and infallible, would turn to her as if he recognised in her some mysterious power.
I know now what that power was: it was God dwelling in her, whether she had been to meet him at early mass, before any one else was up and stirring, or whether she had offered to him her daily labours in the house....
My brothers and sisters and I were the people. In every kingdom there must be a people. It is true that in most houses now-a-days one wonders what has become of the people. The king and queen, dejected as two weeping willows, are wearily watching one another grow old. They have no one to govern and they will not lay aside their crown. At our house the people were numerous and noisy. If you can count, you already know that there were seven of us, from Mélanie who was seven years older than I, to James, who was six years younger.
Before being led into action, the whole battalion used to undergo a preliminary inspection from Aunt Deen, who was in charge of the review of details.
Aunt Deen was endowed with an activity which years could not abate, and of which all the servants except Mariette shamelessly took advantage. Always coming and going, from cellar to garret, always on the stairs—for she invariably forgot half the things she intended to do, or suddenly interrupted whatever she might be doing—beginning to sweep, leaving off to hunt dust under a piece of furniture, warring against spider’s webs with a wolf’s head—a sort of brush fastened to the end of a long pole,—or rushing to the aid of one of us who had cried out, she had rocked, washed, dressed, cuddled, watched over, amused, kept busy, cared for and caressed all seven of us, and even an eighth, who had died before I could remember.
To this imposing number must also be added grandfather, whom she shielded from all care. He was not exacting. Provided he could have at hand whatever he might desire he asked no favours of any one. To be sure, the disorder of his room must always be respected; he watched over it jealously, insisting that no one could ever find things that had been put away. He took the indulgence of his whims as a matter of course, paying no attention except when he was irritated by an exaggerated degree of consideration.
As for our education and training, our moral guidance, Aunt Deen, notwithstanding her advantage in the matter of age, placed herself at the service of our mother, for whom she entertained unlimited admiration and affection. Even in old age she would accept the functions of a subaltern only. When she had said “Valentine wishes this; Valentine says that” (Valentine was our mother), there was no room for discussion. She herself obeyed to the very letter, without even seeking to enter into the spirit. Not one of her thoughts was for herself; she distributed them all, without exception, among the others. She could see no good in scolding, and hung her head when any of us was reprimanded, as if in protest against the harshness of authority. She not only never carried tales about us, she found unimagined excuses for our worst faults, such wonderful excuses as sometimes to ward off punishment merely by the surprise which they awakened.
“That child has taken some pears.”
“The tree needed relief, it was too heavily loaded.”
“That child’s table manners aren’t nice. Did you see him put his hands into his saucer of spinach?”
“He does so delight in green things!”
In our studies she took no interest. But she had that soul-culture which bestows its delicate flower upon the mind. One knew quite enough if one was well behaved and a good Catholic. Indeed it was her opinion that our brains were too early crowded with a lot of useless knowledge. She could find no manner of use for the history of pagans, and as for arithmetic, she had never known how to add. But on the other hand our health, our cleanliness, our happiness, were entirely her affair. She sang to put us to sleep, she sang to amuse us, she sang to encourage us to take our first steps. All my memories reverberate with the tintinnabulation of her songs. There was one cradle song in which we became by turns general, cardinal and emperor, and the refrain of which was designed to encourage us to wait with patience for the brilliant future.
“Meanwhile wait, and on my lap.Lovely cherub, take your nap.”
“Meanwhile wait, and on my lap.Lovely cherub, take your nap.”
“Meanwhile wait, and on my lap.Lovely cherub, take your nap.”
“Meanwhile wait, and on my lap.
Lovely cherub, take your nap.”
The lovely cherubim, however, were seldom in haste to take their naps.
There was also the “Charming Nest” which “naughty little sharp-eyed imps” tried to destroy, though it ought to be respected, for
“It was the hope of Spring timeAnd all a mother’s love.”
“It was the hope of Spring timeAnd all a mother’s love.”
“It was the hope of Spring timeAnd all a mother’s love.”
“It was the hope of Spring time
And all a mother’s love.”
Sometimes it would be the prisoner Silvio Pellico who in heart-rending strains longed for his Italian breezes. One of my earliest plays was the escape of Silvio Pellico, though I had no idea who he was. My favourite songs were perhaps “The Pool” and “Venice.” I call them thus because I knew no other titles for them. “The Pool” told of a fearful tragedy from drowning:
Little children, have a careWhen you run across and follow.There’s a deep pool hidden thereBy the dark trees in the hollow.Listen to what happened there,When a child with golden hair,Slipped away from his mamma-a-a.
Little children, have a careWhen you run across and follow.There’s a deep pool hidden thereBy the dark trees in the hollow.Listen to what happened there,When a child with golden hair,Slipped away from his mamma-a-a.
Little children, have a careWhen you run across and follow.There’s a deep pool hidden thereBy the dark trees in the hollow.
Little children, have a care
When you run across and follow.
There’s a deep pool hidden there
By the dark trees in the hollow.
Listen to what happened there,When a child with golden hair,Slipped away from his mamma-a-a.
Listen to what happened there,
When a child with golden hair,
Slipped away from his mamma-a-a.
The fair child was running after a dragon-fly, and “the maiden with golden wings” enticed him into the cold water. That would teach him not to steal away from the maternal arms! As for “Venice,” I remember likewise the first lines, with all their doggerel:
If God should favor-izeMy noble enterprise,I’ll hie me to Ven-izeAnd spend my days in joy.
If God should favor-izeMy noble enterprise,I’ll hie me to Ven-izeAnd spend my days in joy.
If God should favor-izeMy noble enterprise,I’ll hie me to Ven-izeAnd spend my days in joy.
If God should favor-ize
My noble enterprise,
I’ll hie me to Ven-ize
And spend my days in joy.
Whether from the magic of the name of an unknown city, or the melancholy air of the ritornello, I could in those days imagine nomore enchanting journey than to go to that Venice whose gondolas I had been shown in a stereoscope. In later years, dreading disappointment, I hesitated long before carrying out the plan born of that far-away music—the music that we still hear within ourselves long after childhood’s days are past. Can it be that this is one of the surest guardians of the home?—that a simple lullaby, sung to quiet us, is the first spark to kindle our imaginations? And when, long after, I at last saw the city of flowing streets and rosy palaces, I entered it with respect, recalling to mind that my visit represented a “noble enterprise”; as if all its wondrous charm had been enfolded in Aunt Deen’s cradle-song.
I imagine that some of her innumerable songs were of her own invention. Or at least, having forgotten their precise words, I suppose that she recomposed them after her own fashion. There was especially a certain “Father Gregory,” half recited, half sung, which is hardly likely to be found in any collection. A charming old lady to whom I repeated it one day assured me that Father Gregory was known also in Berry, in the neighbourhood of Châtre, under the name of Father Christopher. The song, a sort of rhythmical prose, was declaimed in a singsong, suddenly bursting into a tune in the final syllables. A whole little comedy of vanity is summed up in a few phrases. You may judge for yourself from the version of it that I tell from memory.
Father Gregory came out of his house this morning. Perfectly natural thus far; Father Gregory is going to take a walk, as is his right; but wait till you hear a detail that characterises this promenade:in his hat a fine bouquet of poppies. You must swell out your voice with the poppies. This field flower becomes a symbol of pomp and ostentation. Aha! Father Gregory is no longer a worthy fellow who goes out to inhale the breezes of the country-side; he is an old beau who puts on airs; he parades, he struts, he capers, he expects to be gazed at and admired. But you will be punished, Father Gregory; ill-luck awaits you!
On the way his dog began to fight with mine. This bit of news is simply announced. It seems at first to be of slight importance. A bad thing nevertheless,—a dog fight in a little town. What! you don’t know that? You have never lived in the country? A dog fight is a matter of special gravity. The masters intervene, they take sides, and the defeated one swears that the matter shall not end here. Whole families have been embroiled through a dog fight. What was the origin of the enmity between the Montagus and the Capulets? Perhaps a dog fight. And just this way our Father Gregory undertakes to interfere; his dog is getting the worst of it, rolled in the dust as a dumpling in flour.Father Gregory, trying to part them, tumbles, nose first, in the filth. He rushes to the rescue with uplifted cane, his foot slips, and behold him on the ground in a lamentable posture, especially hisnose, having made a most unlucky choice of a spot upon which to fall. At this point it is proper to assume a melancholy tone, the apostrophe which follows reaching a note of heart-rending grief.Poor Father Gregory! A pause. He is to be pitied, for his misfortune is great. But suddenly, pity becomes sarcasm, pointing to his pride.See his bunch of poppies, far from his hat! The emblems of his vanity are soiled. He himself may go home, and wash and brush himself, but he can never use the poppies again, and but for them nothing would have happened to him.
I attribute Father Gregory to Aunt Deen because of the fertility of her imagination, which daily provided her with new stories for our delectation. Grown persons are not often on a level with children: they take too low a place. Aunt Deen had an instinct for what was suited to us. Her stories kept us breathless. When I try to rescue them from the past, for her credit, they fly before me, smiling. “No, no,” they say—for I get close to them, only between us is a great chasm, deep, though not wide, which is the common grave of all my vanished years—“what is the use? You can never do anything with us. See: we have taken the colour of that time: how are you to describe that?”
When grandfather came upon us sitting in a circle around our story-teller, he would shake his head disapprovingly.
“Fiddle-faddles”, he would murmur; “fiddle-faddles.One owes it to children to tell them the truth.”
We would ask Aunt Deen whatfiddle-faddleswere, and she would answer, by way of getting her revenge, “It’s what one does when one plays the violin.”
Between her songs and grandfather’s violin there was sometimes a deafening discord.
Aunt Deen possessed another marvellous faculty—that of inventing words. I have already told you ofcarabosser, but she invented them by the hundred, so well adapted to their purpose that we understood them at once. I can not transcribe them—they lose their value when written down. Indeed I don’t know how to spell them; spoken language is not the same as written language, and her picturesque words had all the savour and crispness of popular speech. Aunt Deen also used rare words—where she found them is a mystery for she seldom read—strange and sonorous words and phrases that seemed her special property, and which since then, to my surprise and amusement, I have discovered in the dictionary, where I should never have thought of looking for them. Thus, to call down my pride, she one day called me a hospodar, and another day, “the purveyor in chief of mustard to the Pope.” I did not know that the hospodars were the tyrants of Wallachia, and that to believe oneself purveyor of mustard to the Pope meant to have a high opinion of oneself. These strange titles with which she invested me used to make me think of some big man, all in red, issuingcommands in a loud voice, and I did not enjoy being likened to him.
Dear great-aunt Deen, let me apostrophise you after the manner of poor Father Gregory! If my early childhood rings musically in my memory, as if it were mounted upon one of those mules all bedight with sleigh-bells, that can not move without giving forth a multitudinous jingle from far away as if to announce the approach of a great train, I owe it to your stories and your songs. As soon as thought summons it, and that is daily, here it comes, loudly ringing its joy-bells, because of which I shall never have reason to complain of fate. Before I see it, I hear it—that merry procession of memory; and when, at some turn of the road that leads from the past to the present, it suddenly comes upon me, it bears in its arms all the flowers of the springtide. You well deserve the bouquet of them that I pick for you, even a bouquet of poppies, as a guerdon for all the stories that you added to your care and prayers. For you were always praying audibly, on the stairs or in church or even under the banner of the wolf’s head itself. Silence was painful to you. That is why, dear Aunt Deen, I break it this evening and talk to you.
Aunt Deen kept strenuous watch outside of the house. To get inside you had, like the wolf in Hans Christian Andersen, to show a white paw like a sheep. She designated by the name oftheythe invisible foesthat were supposed to be investing it. For a long time these mysterioustheyterrified us. We used to look around whenever she spoke of them. By dint of never meeting them we at last came to laugh at them, little thinking that this laugh disarmed us, and that thus disarmed we should surely meet them later in flesh and blood. Her loyalty was never caught napping. The moment the family was in question she would insist upon a meed of praise being at once awarded it, failing which she promptly assumed the defensive, ready for battle. A certain person who ventured to speak of it in colourless terms found himself scanned from head to foot, and to mask his sense of defeat took refuge in sarcasm:
“I forgot,” said he, “that your house was the Ark of the Covenant.”
“And yours Noah’s Ark,” she retorted with aticfor histac, knowing that her interlocutor harboured all sorts of shady folk.
In those days the bread was made in the kitchen in a kneading trough nearly a hundred years old, before being carried for baking to the town oven. Aunt Deen, who loved all sorts of cookery, used to oversee the operation, and even at times take a hand in it herself. One day when I was looking on, at the moment when the servant was about to mingle the flour, water and leaven, my aunt suddenly gave her a vigorous shake.
“What are you thinking of, girl?”
“Mixing the bread, miss.”
“You are forgetting the sign of the cross.”
For in serious houses no one omitted the sign of the cross over white flour that was on the point of being made into bread. At table, before cutting the loaf, father never failed to trace upon it a cross, with two strokes of the knife. When it fell to grandfather to cut the bread I was quick to notice that he did nothing of the kind.
That was one of my first surprises. From my earliest days I understood the importance of differences of opinion in matters religious.
Grandfather played his violin whenever he pleased. But he did not like to be disturbed. We learned this by experience. My sister Mélanie and my brother Stephen, who had retained from their first communion an ardent and somewhat aggressive piety, had built up a little chapel in a cupboard in that octagon parlour which we used to call the music room because in former days concerts used to be given there, and an old grand piano still stood there. It had been agreed among us that when Mélanie and Stephen were grown up they were to evangelise the savages, just as Bernard was to be an officer and win back Alsace and Lorraine, and Louise, the second sister, always generous, was to marry a champagne grower so that we might always drink as much as we chose of that sparkling golden wine to which we had never put our lips except on occasions of family festival. Thus the future was beautifully arranged for, except my own personal career which remained uncertain. Mélaniehad been named for the little shepherdess of Dauphiny who at that time was much in people’s minds; the mystery of La Salette was talked of in guarded words. Sometimes I would ask her if she was not afraid of being eaten by cannibals, the existence of which had been revealed to me by my illustrated geography. Far from cooling her zeal, this frightful prospect simply warmed it. Stephen aspired no less ardently to martyrdom, notwithstanding that an unlucky adventure had happened to him in school: his comrades, admiring his devotion, had counted upon his performing a miracle on the day of his first communion, and the miracle not coming off, he was consequently held in some slight contempt.
I can never remember what sort of vespers or complines we used to say before the cupboard. The ceremonies consisted of hymns vociferated in chorus. Notwithstanding my tender years I was invited to share in these clerical manifestations. On that occasion we used to hold forth with all the energy of neophytes. Mélanie in particular would pitch her voice in its highest key, her piety being proportionate to the noise she made. Unluckily the music room was near grandfather’s chamber. All of a sudden, as we were at the utmost height of fervour, the door opened and grandfather appeared. He never used to pay much attention to us, though when we came within his visual angle he would look affably upon us. But this time he appeared to be greatly irritated.His dressing-gown flowing behind him, his Greek cap awry, his beard all disorder, gave him a fearsome aspect, greatly in contrast with his usual manner. He exclaimed harshly, “It’s impossible to have a moment’s peace in this house. Shut that cupboard, quick!”
We had disturbed his siesta, and his usually even temper was the worse for it. We hastily closed the cupboard. And we knew in that moment all the horror of arbitrary decrees and special laws. The devotion of Mélanie and Stephen was but increased, as always happens in time of persecution, but mine, less lively, or of younger growth, was cooled, I greatly fear.
Not long after it experienced another blow. In our town the Fête-Dieu was celebrated with incomparable pomp and display. People came from afar to take part in it. Where shall we have again such nobly imposing and magnificent spectacles? They have been replaced by gymnastic contests, or processions of mutual aid societies, the bad taste of which is heart-breaking. I pity the children of to-day who have never had opportunity to feel, amid popular acclamations and universal emotion, the imminent presence of God.
The town was divided in rivalry of its wayside altars; each quarter felt its reputation at stake. They were composed of moss and flowers, lilies, hortensias, geraniums and violets arranged in the form of a cross, or ingeniously combined in pious designs of a more complicatednature. All the gardens and groves were ruthlessly despoiled on their account. The finest one was always promoted to the terrace overshadowed by ancient trees that overlooked the lake.
When the morning came every window was watching the daybreak, imploring heaven for favourable weather. The streets were bordered with pines and larches which the peasants, on the previous evening or the one before that, had brought from the mountain in their ox-carts. Wreaths hung upon ribbons were thrown across the street like light cables above a stream, so that one walked about under hundreds of improvised triumphal arches. Here and there, the better to adorn the house fronts, some one had set out a table covered with a white cloth bearing pictures, vases, statuettes with a lamp, and had made ready baskets of roses for the refreshment of the angel battalion. In the poorest alleys the good wives set forth before their houses all their precious possessions, even to daguerreotypes of relatives, or their most artistically decorated caps, the better to honour the passing of the Holy Sacrament. Thus the entire town adorned itself, like a bride for her marriage.
Every one gathered before the church; the confraternities in costume with their banners, the brass band, their well polished instruments shining in the sunlight, the school children, girls and boys, the very smallest of them waving banners and all the population massed behind these official groups, all drawn up in good order. Then, uponthe pavement before the church slowly advanced the sacred procession, while all the bells rang together; angels with wings of silver paper strewing the way with flower-petals drawn from little baskets suspended from their necks, clerks and sacristans in red cassocks, swinging censers whence arose blue smoke and a spicy odour, surpliced priests, canons in ermine rochets, and finally, upon a dais the colour of pure gold, or of ripe wheat, its four corners decorated with tufts of white plumes, escorted by four black-coated notables holding its cords, came Monsignor arrayed in a golden chasuble and bearing upon his breast the great golden monstrance.
It was a solemn moment, and yet there was one even more impressive. After having traversed the entire town, the procession would draw up for the last benediction upon the open place that forms a terrace above the lake, upheld by the walls of an ancient fortress. It would be near noon. The rays of the sun, falling directly upon the lake, were mirrored back, brightening all the colours, and flashing out in stars from every fleck of gold. Around the flower-decked altar the various bands were grouped, their standards all unfurled. Around these stood the soldiers in a large circle, the troops taking part for the last time in a religious ceremonial. They closed up, and at the commandgenou terre! they fell upon one knee, the officers waved their swords, and the clarions sounded loudly over all the fields. Many anold woman wept with joy as she prostrated herself, needing to see nothing more to know that God was there. Yet there was more; a priest, mounting upon a stool, drew the monstrance from its flower-decked niche and handed it to Monsignor, and the august officiant, lifting it high in air, traced above the great congregation the sign of the cross. The tremor with which I was at that moment shaken thrilled through the entire crowd, a great wave of emotion, such as reveals to a whole people that they are one in faith.
When I went home in my school-boy uniform I was still all a-thrill. Mother was waiting for me. She perceived what I had just been experiencing, and I saw tears rush to her eyes as she proudly kissed me. She, sacrificing herself, had not witnessed the ceremony. Some one must take care of the house and prepare for the guests who always came to us on that day. But she had come out and knelt before the door, hidden by the pines, when the procession went by. I had seen her through the branches. For a short moment she had united Mary’s part with that of Martha.
Father presently came home, warm and tired. He had had the honour of being chosen to hold one of the cords of the dais, and though he was bald, he had remained bareheaded, at the risk of a sunstroke.
“Dear wife!” he said simply, pressing mother to his heart. He had never given expression to his love for her before me, and that is why Iremember this. He too was stirred with high enthusiasm.
Then came grandfather, smiling, spruce, his frock coat buttoned awry and his black hat a little on one side, but except for these minor matters dressed with almost irreproachable care.
“Well!” mother asked him in gentle triumph, “were you there this time?”
It appeared that in former years he had gone out for a walk and had not returned before evening. I had already perceived, from a thousand slight indications, that there was not absolute agreement in religious matters in our house and that the subject was usually avoided. Grandfather could not repress the little sardonic laugh which he seldom bestowed upon my mother:
“Superb, superb!” he said. “One might have thought oneself at the festival of the sun. The pagans could not have done it better.”
Mother’s face crimsoned. She turned and sent me away on some pretext of an errand. As I was going I heard my father’s clear voice:
“I beg you not to jest upon this subject before the children.”
And the sarcastic voice replying:
“But I am not jesting.”
In the street the nearest extemporised altar was already lying on the ground, like the useless shell of a firework. Everything had disappeared but the scaffoldings, crosses of flowers, moss. Candelabrahad been hastily put under cover because of the threatening rain, for clouds had suddenly overspread the sky, and also because every one had gone home to dinner. My enthusiasm had fallen too, beneath a word of doubt.
At the Feast of the Epiphany every one had to imitate the acts of the king who had been designated by the bean. If he drank every one cried, “The king drinks,” and each one seized his glass. If the king began to laugh every one burst into laughter. Ought not a king to know when one should laugh and when he should keep his face straight?