CHAPTER II.
Completelyrestored to health, I took leave of the Land of Cakes for that of true hospitality, in the very centre of which I beat up the quarters of my friends in the second battalion, in the latter end of June 1810.
It was originally my intention to take no other notice of my services in this part of the world, than what is to be found in the above paragraph, and perhaps a similar one on my taking leave of the second battalion for the Peninsula. But a much-valued friend, conceiving that the Memoir would be incomplete, without a few articles descriptive of the duties which soldiers are but too frequently called upon to perform in Ireland, and of the enemies against whom they generally act, has pressed me so strongly on this point, that I have, in deference to his opinion, selected the following for insertion.
Athlone is a very ancient town, and stands on both banks of the river Shannon, over which there is an old, ugly, ill-built, narrow bridge. The generalappearance of Athlone is extremely antiquated, and far from prepossessing. It is just what we may very aptly denominate a finished town. Dull and lifeless, however, as every thing appeared during the day, yet with the kind attentions of the families residing in the town and vicinity, we contrived to pass the monotonous hours of a soldier on home service pleasantly enough. But pleasant as the private parties generally were, they did not constitute our only sources of amusement. We possessed within our own circle others no less captivating, amongst which I may mention a garrison weekly club, as not the least attractive. The expense was limited to half-a-crown, for which each member was entitled to supper, and a couple of tumblers of punch. The officers of the different corps always assembled at seven o'clock, played cards, chess, or backgammon, till ten;—then attacked the poldowdies; and after destroying a few hundreds of them, and doing ample justice to the poteen, retired to our respective cages before the mid-night hour, always in good humour with ourselves, and all those friends who five hours before we were happy to meet, from whom we were sorry to part, but with whom we would be happy to meet again.
Since that time, I have heard many individuals who arrogated to themselves a larger share of common sense, or worldly wisdom, than their neighbours, inveigh with considerable asperity againstregimental messes and garrison clubs, on the plea that they were apt to lead the young officers from the path of temperance to that of dissipation. Had those people taken a less superficial view of military society, they would have come to a very opposite conclusion. Young officers, like the young men in every civil society, are no doubt in danger of being led astray by the seductive orations of the dissolute portion of their fraternity. For the latter, on finding themselves lowered in the estimation, and shunned by their discerning and more honourable-minded brethren, invariably employ every stratagem they can think of, and all the most fascinating language at their command, to induce the inexperienced and unsuspecting youth to quit the paths of virtue and honour; and this is too often done under the specious, but false pretext, that dissipation, and its accompanying vices, are most becoming the officer and gentleman. From this candid acknowledgment of the dangers to which officers are exposed on joining their corps for a first time, some may think it totally impossible for a youth to escape the wiles of the enemies of virtue. But I request all those to bear this in remembrance, that the moment an officer joins his regiment, he is from that time surrounded with men of high character and honour, who are ever ready to throw a protecting shield round the head of a junior brother, against which the shafts of vice, from whatever quarter they may be directed, usually prove pointless.Yes; I repeat that five-sixths of the officers are always ready to act in this manner; for as the misconduct of any one member of a battalion never fails to cast a deep shade over the characters of the others, it is evidently the interest, no less than the duty, of all those officers who have any regard for themselves or their profession, to check every attempt made by a brother officer to swerve from the paths of duty, of virtue, and of honour, and endeavour to impress on the mind of their frail friend the important truth, that those paths alone lead to rank and military renown. From whatever motives, therefore, the great body of British officers may act,—whether from a high sense of honour or interested feeling,—it is quite obvious that their youthful associates are equally safe, for in either case their heads must at all times be so protected, as to render the utmost efforts of the profligate to lead them into a ruinous course of low and degrading pleasures, altogether unavailing.
In almost every newspaper we open, we find detailed the proceedings of some religious meeting, convened for the purpose of raising funds to send missionaries into foreign parts to convert the heathen to Christianity. Now, though I readily admit that this is a most laudable and praise-worthy object, yet I cannot help thinking, that before we expend any more of our British gold in attempts to convert the heathen inhabiting the burning sands of Asia and Africa, or the cold and inhospitablewilds of Europe and America, we should endeavour to bring the British heathen to know and adore the infinite goodness of the All-wise and Omnipotent Ruler of heaven and earth. Some of those pious individuals who have assisted to fill the coffers of foreign missions, will no doubt read "British heathen" with surprise, if not with the eyes of a sceptic. But to those who have doubts that such people really reside within the British isles, I at once say, take a trip to the other side of the Irish Channel and have them fully removed. Lest, however, it may not be convenient for every one of them to take this step, I beg to state for their information, that on every fineSunday eveningduring the summers of 1810 and 1811, an immense concourse of people assembled a little north of the batteries at Athlone, where two roads intersect each other, and there, to the sounds of the Irish bag-pipe and violin, danced and gamboled till night spread her sable mantle around the heathenish groups, and put an end to their unholy sports.
Now, as this unhallowed sport was not confined to Athlone, but was equally common in various other parts of Ireland, I was then of opinion, and I have seen no reason to change it, that to this open profanation of the Lord's day a great proportion of the outrages which have so long disgraced that country must be ascribed. For when people of either sex totally disregard these sacred duties which the day of rest imposes on them as Christians,it is not to be expected that they will be more attentive to the moral and political duties of their station. When a man once breaks the Sabbath, he is then easily led on from one crime to another, until he becomes so involved in the vortex of vice, that all other pleasures, save the most sinful and detestable, are at length perfectly abhorrent to his nature. Whenever religion loses its hold in the mind,—when the day set apart for rest, prayer, humiliation, and thanksgiving, is converted into one of dissipation, riot, and profanity, what check remains, I ask, to curb the unruly passions of men, and restrain them from the commission of every description of crime, but the dread of a capital punishment on earth? Now, as the man who knows not the great Author of his being, cannot be supposed to dread the power of his Almighty arm, and as men, when engaging in any criminal enterprize, generally indulge the hope of eluding the lynx-eye of justice, they,—on having their hopes realized, are frequently so much elated with their good fortune, that they gradually get rid of that terror which the law inspires, and are soon prepared to execute the most hazardous and most atrocious offences. Have we not lamentable proofs of this afforded us every day, by the confessions of those whose lives have become forfeited to the laws of their country?
One market-day, a countryman all in his glory, with a "sprig of shilellah" poised above his head, anda "shamrock so green" neatly entwined in the band of what had once been a hat, made his appearance at the upper part of the market-place of Athlone, challenging to mortal combat all and sundry the lieges, from the veteran of threescore and ten, down to the stripling of sixteen. After capering and vapouring for some time, to the great terror of egg and crockery merchants, and no one appearing inclined to volunteer a tilt with him, Pat, afraid that he would be done out of a customer, knocked a neighbour down for pure love, in order to procure the grand object of his ambition—a row. The whack had scarcely been given, when more than fifty shilellahs flew like flails round as many heads, with which they instantly came in contact. A few of them fell on the head of the aggressor, but, as on all similar occasions in Ireland, the principal object of the belligerents is to keep up the row at whatever expense, the greater proportion of the weapons came in collision with the craniums of individuals, who were no otherwise interested in the matter than that their skulls lay rather more convenient for a crack than that of the object of their rage. One man after another continuing to join in the grand fracas, the combatants at length became so numerous, and their conduct so extremely outrageous, that the local authorities found it necessary to apply for military aid. One hundred men were instantly dispatched from the barracks to the scene of action, and by charging along the market-place, separated thecombatants, and caused a suspension of hostilities. Pat, however, far from being satisfied with the issue of the conflict, embraced the earliest opportunity, after the soldiers retired, to renew the sport. To it again they went as gallantly as before. For the following half-hour there was no scarcity of men—of shilellahs—of blows—or of blood, which ultimately flowed copiously from numerous wounds. Heads were cracked—arms damaged—and many an odd bone complained of fractures—and yet none thought of yielding. Every thing in fact was progressing as favourably as Pat could wish, when the same party of "lobsters," as Jack would say, put an end to the glorious sport, by charging a second time the motley assemblage, which, but for the officers, would have received a hearty drubbing from the soldiers, as a proper reward for their barbarous foolery. After clearing the market-place, the soldiers retired, and left the combatants to bind up their wounds, and splice their fractured limbs in the best manner they could. As for the unfortunate wretch, thesole causeof the bloodshed, he was found in the evening on the banks of the canal, close to the town, beat almost to a mummy, but in life; and such was his ghastly appearance, that it was with the utmost difficulty that any person could be prevailed upon to admit him within their door, even for a single night.
With a party of fourteen men, and an excise-officer, I left Athlone one evening at 10 o'clock, onastill-hunting excursion. At day-break we seized upon one of the delinquents engaged in the illicit traffic, who, with all his apparatus, but no whisky, we lodged in safe keeping in Athlone. This duty every officer most cordially detested, but it was much relished by the greater portion of the men, who, forevery still captured, received, in addition to their pay, serjeants 18s., corporals 10s. 6d., and privates 7s. In the spring of 1811, a party of our corps, and a few dragoons, captured in thirty hours, no fewer than twenty-two stills, and for each every man received payment in the foregoing proportions. These are no doubt startling facts, and ought, I think, to convince those who have the Irish revenue laws in their keeping, that a system which requires so much money to keep it in a working condition, must be founded on principles radically unsound.
Parties of the lawless portion of the peasantry then denominatedCarders, having administered an unlawful oath to a considerable number of rather respectable people in the counties of Roscommon and Galway, detachments were ordered from our garrison in the month of February 1811, to various places from fifteen to thirty miles from Athlone, in order to put a stop to their treasonable proceedings. Those parties having been recalled, and others ordered out to replace them, I, at the head of one of those detachments, marched from Athlone on the 11th of April, and having taken anearly dinner with a brother officer at Roscommon, proceeded in the evening to Ballymoe Bagot, in the county of Galway. In this village my quarters were of the most miserable description, the only apartments I could procure, being a small room and closet, neither of which had any ceiling. In fact, the only thing between theclayunder my feet, and the thatch above my head, was large quantities of soot, so neatly suspended from the roof, in long and beautifully curled rows, that the whole dangled in nearly as becoming a manner, as the black feathers on a Highlander's bonnet. Notwithstanding this, it was with more than ordinary regret that I quitted Ballymoe, after a six weeks residence, for I never experienced more genuine hospitality than I did during my stay in that rural village.
Soon after I parted with my friend at Roscommon, a large assemblage of town and country people attacked his barracks, broke all his windows, and threatened to break his head also, and those of the men under his command. These threats, and the entire demolition of his windows, raised the temperature of my friend's blood to such a degree, that, regardless of the consequences, he moved his band of twenty out of the barracks, fixed bayonets, charged along the market-square, and in an instant cleared it of the rioters, one of whom received a deep probe in the breech. Called upon for a detail of his operations, thegallant commandertransmitted to General Sir James Affleck,then commanding the western district, a long and whimsical dispatch, in which, after enumerating the names of all those who had distinguished themselves in the engagement, (and which I believe included every man in the detachment) he concluded, "It now only remains for me to express my sincere regret, that the nature of the service on which I have lately been engaged, will not permit me to recommend any of my brave followers for promotion." Poor L——! he fell in a more memorable conflict—that of Quatre Bras.
One afternoon, during my stay in Ballymoe, a brawny, squat, real son of Erin, came running to my quarters all covered with mud and perspiration, and foaming at the mouth like an enraged mastiff. Hat or shoes he had none; and his inexpressibles, and other toggery, as the members of the fair-play club would say, were such as would have secured him ready employment as a scare-crow in any part of Ireland. Conceiving that something was wrong, I hurried to meet him, and rather eagerly inquired the cause of his visit, but the only answer I could obtain was, Och! murder—murder, your honour! And as he continued to return similar answers to my subsequent interrogatories, I was at length induced to look upon the frightful figure before me as a murderer, craving protection from a host of pursuers. Under this impression, I inquired if my suspicions were well-founded. At first he made no reply; but on the question being repeated, hestammered out,—"Och! is it me, your honour, that is a murderer? No, no; I am no murderer; but a murder, and a bloody-murder too, your honour, has been committed in my presence within the last half-hour, and I am come to ask your honour for five or six of your men, to help us to take the vile murderer." On requesting him to favour me with the particulars, he informed me, that a few men and women being at work together in a field between three and four miles from Ballymoe, one of the men raised a pitch-fork, and without the smallest provocation, plunged it into the bowels of a bosom friend. On hearing these facts, I instantly dispatched a sergeant and six men to the scene of blood, but previous to their arrival, the monster had unfortunately escaped.
A few days after this melancholy affair, my assistance was required to root out a band of free-booters, who were so entrenched in the affections of a village peasantry, from ten to twelve miles from Ballymoe, that they committed offences with impunity, and bade the law defiance. At eleven,P.M.I left Ballymoe, taking with me a sergeant, corporal, and sixteen privates. About three o'clock,A.M., I received an addition to my force of eighteen strapping young Irishmen, armed with shilellahs, all of whom had some knowledge of the parties, against which we were marching. At day-break we arrived in sight of the abode of the lawless banditti. On approaching which, I detached fourof my own men, and six of my auxiliary corps to the right, and as many to the left of the village, to watch the motions of the nine individuals we were in search of, and with the rest of the soldiers and Irishmen, I pushed forward into the centre of the village to take the whole napping. In this, however, I was disappointed, for early as it was, they had obtained intelligence of our approach, and had all left their houses, save one woman whom we secured. But the non military part of my detachment, who were well acquainted with the village, had their eyes rivetted on the avenues of escape, and consequently, that portion of them who filed round the town, were ready to pounce upon their game, as soon as they made their appearance. The latter being completely rigged for a flight, flew like lightning across dub and mire, and over hedge, ditch, and dykes, till they reached the summit of a gentle acclivity, when, being considerably blown, and seeing some of their bare-kneed assailants gaining rapidly upon them, three of them joined, and with their backs to a stone-wall, offered battle. The challenge being accepted, a bloody affair ensued, which ended in the capture of those three, and another of their associates. All the others escaped.
By this time all the village population had turned out, and hundreds were fast approaching us from all quarters, and as I soon learnt, for the express purpose of releasing the prisoners. Being of opinionthat it is at all times infinitely better to prevent crime than to punish it, I caused the men to load, and on doing so, to shew the deluded creatures theirballs, before ramming home their cartridges, in hopes of deterring them from making the meditated attempt, which could only have produced streams of blood. And I am happy to state, that the object I had in view was completely obtained, for in a few minutes the whole multitude retired peaceably to their respective places of abode, and left us at liberty to remove the prisoners wheresoever we pleased.
Having dispatched the prisoners to a place of safety, we retraced our steps towards Ballymoe. Ravenous as wolves, we took the liberty to walk into a snug-looking cabin, where two riddles, well filled with smokingmurphies, appeared in a most inviting condition for hungry men. Having asked and obtained permission to join the rustic party at their frugal morning repast, we were not long in seating ourselves, and doing ample justice to thepratiesand butter-milk. During our operations, I could scarcely refrain from smiling at the innocent simplicity which played on the countenances of the little half-clad urchins, who, as each potatoe disappeared, looked wistfully, first at the riddle, then at their mother, and finally, cast a significant glance towards us, as much as to say, "Bad luck to you, be off, or we shall be compelled to honour DukeHumphrey with our company to breakfast." On preparing to resume our journey, I tendered the poor woman a trifle for her excellent fare; but so determined was shenot to acceptof any thing in the shape of remuneration, that I had no alternative left, but to sprinkle a few small pieces in such a manner on the floor, that they could not be collected till we were completely out of the reach of pursuit.
I shall conclude this chapter with the following anecdote, which was related to me by the gallant major himself.
Major C——, on joining the regiment in November 1810, being obliged to take lodgings in town, was, one morning before day-break, roused by a hideous noise under his windows. Conceiving that this proceeded from a body ofcarders, on their way to attack the barracks, the major paced the floor in a twinkling, decorated in his military paraphernalia. John, whom the sonorous voice of his master had awakened from dreams of earthly bliss, to ruminate on the troubles of the other world, entered the major's apartment just as the latter was buckling on his sword, and with extended mouth, and eyes half open, eagerly inquired what had happened. "The carders are by this time at the barracks," replied the major. "Did you see them, Sir?" said John, rather anxiously. "Why, no," answered the major, "but I heard their unearthlyscreams as they passed under the windows." Here a considerable pause ensued; for John, having some doubts on the subject, scratched his head, shrugged his shoulders, and with an unmeaning grin on his countenance, stood as if anxious to state them, but yet afraid to do so. Silence being at length broken by the major inquiring the cause of John's grimaces and shrugs, the latter instantly replied, "I have just been thinking, Sir, that what ye ha'e ta'en for the cheers of thae blackguards, the carders, has probably been the skirlings of some country lassies at a funeral." The morning being uncommonly dark, and the major totally unacquainted with the mode of conducting funerals in Ireland, John's remark, instead of producing any change in the major's original intention, only tended to convince him, that his servant was better fitted for a snug berth in Bedlam, than the one which he held near his person. Fully satisfied, therefore, that the garrison would derive but little assistance from John, Major C——, after bestowing on his servant a few well dove-tailed epithets, was descending the stair on his way to the barracks, when his landlord, who had overheard the latter part of the conversation, pursued his gallant tenant, and soon succeeded in convincing him, that the noise was nothing more than the mellifluous notes of a few of his fair country-women accompanying some departed friend to the place of everlasting repose.
Having thus gratified the wishes of my friend, though perhaps not to the extent he may have expected, we shall now, with his permission, take a temporary leave of Erin, and by easy stages, proceed to the theatre of war in the Peninsula,
"And join the gallant quarrel."
"And join the gallant quarrel."