I err,—but pardon me, I am a fool,Like some few others that I used to know;The truth is, I was taught to be at school,So Precept and Example tend to show.But never mind, I deem it quite belowThe faintest notice of a rusty pen;'Twill tell my readers what respect I owe,How very much I thought of people then,Who should have been exhibited in a cattle-pen.
I err,—but pardon me, I am a fool,Like some few others that I used to know;The truth is, I was taught to be at school,So Precept and Example tend to show.But never mind, I deem it quite belowThe faintest notice of a rusty pen;'Twill tell my readers what respect I owe,How very much I thought of people then,Who should have been exhibited in a cattle-pen.
LI.
I wish them well, of course, but must proceed.The cook was really to be left behind,Which doubtlessshethought very nice indeed.She was a cook so jolly, yet refined,Wore bright kid gloves (the colour undefined),And finery of every sort and hue(I couldn't tell you if I had a mind),Like wealthy folks, as servants always do;And terrible mistakes sometimes embarrass you.
I wish them well, of course, but must proceed.The cook was really to be left behind,Which doubtlessshethought very nice indeed.She was a cook so jolly, yet refined,Wore bright kid gloves (the colour undefined),And finery of every sort and hue(I couldn't tell you if I had a mind),Like wealthy folks, as servants always do;And terrible mistakes sometimes embarrass you.
LII.
The morn was brilliant and the packing done,And all were in the very liveliest mood,Although, of course, there was no time for fun,And jokes were too untimely to be good.The first cabdriver must have been enduedWith strength, for this occasion, from aboveHewasso mighty, and his attitudeBetokened he was instantly in loveWith cooky, smiling on her, charming little dove!
The morn was brilliant and the packing done,And all were in the very liveliest mood,Although, of course, there was no time for fun,And jokes were too untimely to be good.The first cabdriver must have been enduedWith strength, for this occasion, from aboveHewasso mighty, and his attitudeBetokened he was instantly in loveWith cooky, smiling on her, charming little dove!
LIII.
He quite forgot (although perhaps you doubt it),With love for cook, what he'd to sup'rintend;They had two cabs, that's all I know about it,And, Gracious knows, their luggage had no end.And everybody thought they did intendTo find th' remotest corner of the earth,Wherever that was. I can't comprehendWho in the dickens gave such stories birth,Still of frivolities like these there is no dearth.
He quite forgot (although perhaps you doubt it),With love for cook, what he'd to sup'rintend;They had two cabs, that's all I know about it,And, Gracious knows, their luggage had no end.And everybody thought they did intendTo find th' remotest corner of the earth,Wherever that was. I can't comprehendWho in the dickens gave such stories birth,Still of frivolities like these there is no dearth.
LIV.
Then servants, two, Pa, Ma, and daughters three,All drove in madcap hurry to the station,In fact, they might have tittered “Seven are we”Had they remembered the superb quotation;But Julia (housemaid) made some lamentationAbout some best back hair she'd left behind,But all was done to soothe her perturbationTill she became more quietly inclined;This nat'rally destroyed her usual peace of mind.* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Then servants, two, Pa, Ma, and daughters three,All drove in madcap hurry to the station,In fact, they might have tittered “Seven are we”Had they remembered the superb quotation;But Julia (housemaid) made some lamentationAbout some best back hair she'd left behind,But all was done to soothe her perturbationTill she became more quietly inclined;This nat'rally destroyed her usual peace of mind.* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
LV.
They had arrived, and all was, out and in,Superlatively pleasant to behold;The views themselves were highly int'resting,As well as all the creatures of the foldWith which they all were pleased, so I am told,Which was a comfort for their cherished pater,Who was just then quite worth his weight in gold,His bed-room full of bank notes; from these dataI must defer the calculations until later.
They had arrived, and all was, out and in,Superlatively pleasant to behold;The views themselves were highly int'resting,As well as all the creatures of the foldWith which they all were pleased, so I am told,Which was a comfort for their cherished pater,Who was just then quite worth his weight in gold,His bed-room full of bank notes; from these dataI must defer the calculations until later.
LVI.
They laughed and chatted and explored the house,With its dark oaken gallery, and flightOf massy polished stairs, and saw a mouse,P'raps three or four appalled their wond'ring sight;But each new comfort gave them fresh delight,And as they peeped through each dark-curtained doorAll seemed so perfectly compact and bright,Indeed they seemed to like it more and more,For they had never entered such a house before.
They laughed and chatted and explored the house,With its dark oaken gallery, and flightOf massy polished stairs, and saw a mouse,P'raps three or four appalled their wond'ring sight;But each new comfort gave them fresh delight,And as they peeped through each dark-curtained doorAll seemed so perfectly compact and bright,Indeed they seemed to like it more and more,For they had never entered such a house before.
LVII.
The furniture was heavy in its kind,And all the drap'ry was of sombre shade,Evidently in days long past designed,And diamond casements, I before have said,Looked on a lawn, in richest green arrayed,And lands beyond unto the distance blueWhere king-cups blossom'd in the silent glade,And all the flow'rets of the forest grew,And pearly streams were tinged with their reflected hue.
The furniture was heavy in its kind,And all the drap'ry was of sombre shade,Evidently in days long past designed,And diamond casements, I before have said,Looked on a lawn, in richest green arrayed,And lands beyond unto the distance blueWhere king-cups blossom'd in the silent glade,And all the flow'rets of the forest grew,And pearly streams were tinged with their reflected hue.
LVIII.
Upstairs the rooms were hung with glacé chintz(So like the good old farm-house of past days),Which gave them a variety of tints,And pleased at once the weary stranger's gaze;The doors themselves were covered with green baizeHidden with crimson curtains, and each bedWas draped in style that claimed the greatest praiseIn charming sky-blue intermixed with red,With pockets of unique design above the head.
Upstairs the rooms were hung with glacé chintz(So like the good old farm-house of past days),Which gave them a variety of tints,And pleased at once the weary stranger's gaze;The doors themselves were covered with green baizeHidden with crimson curtains, and each bedWas draped in style that claimed the greatest praiseIn charming sky-blue intermixed with red,With pockets of unique design above the head.
LIX.
They fed the pigs with biscuits, and the fowlsWere soon quite reconciled to their new friends,And the great shepherd-dog's uncivil growlsHad quite subsided and, instead, he sendsHis kind regards for various means and ends;And I expect, if th' real truth were known,He had an appetite, which always tendsTo make uncouth pups civil for a bone;To use civility in this way some are prone.
They fed the pigs with biscuits, and the fowlsWere soon quite reconciled to their new friends,And the great shepherd-dog's uncivil growlsHad quite subsided and, instead, he sendsHis kind regards for various means and ends;And I expect, if th' real truth were known,He had an appetite, which always tendsTo make uncouth pups civil for a bone;To use civility in this way some are prone.
LX.
Sometimes, like others do, they drove aboutWith arecherchélittle chaise and pair,And they enjoyed a pic-nic oft no doubtIn pretty spots now here and sometimes there;And we all know the fingers of the fairArrange these matters sweetly, for they suitMatters requiring delicacy and care,The choice of flowers, the arrangement of the fruit,And digging ferns up without injuring the root.
Sometimes, like others do, they drove aboutWith arecherchélittle chaise and pair,And they enjoyed a pic-nic oft no doubtIn pretty spots now here and sometimes there;And we all know the fingers of the fairArrange these matters sweetly, for they suitMatters requiring delicacy and care,The choice of flowers, the arrangement of the fruit,And digging ferns up without injuring the root.
LXI.
They loved to play at croquet on the lawn,Adventurously rove a league away,Or bend their steps upon the summer morn(A mile it was, I fancy), to the bay,Taking a biscuit-luncheon on the way.To wander o'er the shining, yellow sands,Quiet and lone, and watch the snowy spray;And take the curious seaweeds in their hands,Then homeward turn obedient to Papa's commands.
They loved to play at croquet on the lawn,Adventurously rove a league away,Or bend their steps upon the summer morn(A mile it was, I fancy), to the bay,Taking a biscuit-luncheon on the way.To wander o'er the shining, yellow sands,Quiet and lone, and watch the snowy spray;And take the curious seaweeds in their hands,Then homeward turn obedient to Papa's commands.
LXII.
Yes, those were jolly days; and now the fieldsWith happy haymakers were scattered o'er,And Papa went to know their different yieldsThrough quite a hundred acres, if not more,Not less, at any rate, I am quite sure;And all his daughters had some first-rate fun(They always had some merriment in store)For haymaking to learn they had begun,And often had a romp beneath the baking sun.
Yes, those were jolly days; and now the fieldsWith happy haymakers were scattered o'er,And Papa went to know their different yieldsThrough quite a hundred acres, if not more,Not less, at any rate, I am quite sure;And all his daughters had some first-rate fun(They always had some merriment in store)For haymaking to learn they had begun,And often had a romp beneath the baking sun.
LXIII.
In fact it gave them something nice to do,Moreover 'twas a fav'rite occupation,And that chanced very fortunately too;Meanwhile they liked some light confabulation,Making arrangements for their bright vacation,And plans far too entangled, I'm afraid,To enumerate in this uncouth narration,For if upon such topics here I strayed,'Twould take from now till doomsday, so it's best unsaid.
In fact it gave them something nice to do,Moreover 'twas a fav'rite occupation,And that chanced very fortunately too;Meanwhile they liked some light confabulation,Making arrangements for their bright vacation,And plans far too entangled, I'm afraid,To enumerate in this uncouth narration,For if upon such topics here I strayed,'Twould take from now till doomsday, so it's best unsaid.
LXIV.
They'd had a call or two from neighbours nearWhose company was jovial as could be;So their Mamma first started the ideaThat they should ask three gentlemen to teaOut in the hayfield, where they would be free,To help in tossing o'er the scented hay;Then all assemble underneath the tree,And chatter anything they'd like to say,While Julia handed round refreshment on a tray.
They'd had a call or two from neighbours nearWhose company was jovial as could be;So their Mamma first started the ideaThat they should ask three gentlemen to teaOut in the hayfield, where they would be free,To help in tossing o'er the scented hay;Then all assemble underneath the tree,And chatter anything they'd like to say,While Julia handed round refreshment on a tray.
LXV.
All was decided, and a note was sent,Penned with Mamma's gold pen and sealed with care,And Julia brought a note to the intentThat they would be most happy to be there;And whereon everybody did declareThey were the nicest folks beneath the sun,And Julia did most naturally stareTo hear the happy thing that they had done,And longed to see arrangements instantly begun.
All was decided, and a note was sent,Penned with Mamma's gold pen and sealed with care,And Julia brought a note to the intentThat they would be most happy to be there;And whereon everybody did declareThey were the nicest folks beneath the sun,And Julia did most naturally stareTo hear the happy thing that they had done,And longed to see arrangements instantly begun.
LXVI.
The daughters three received exact directionsHow to do all things and go everywhere:Concerning all their musical selectionsAnd all about the “skirts” they had to wear,How they should dress and e'en adorn their hair,What rings to show, whether diamond or not;Injunctions to observe the greatest careIn choice of stockings, and I don't know what.(They were to be like fairies in Calypso's grot.)
The daughters three received exact directionsHow to do all things and go everywhere:Concerning all their musical selectionsAnd all about the “skirts” they had to wear,How they should dress and e'en adorn their hair,What rings to show, whether diamond or not;Injunctions to observe the greatest careIn choice of stockings, and I don't know what.(They were to be like fairies in Calypso's grot.)
LXVII.
Of daughters all they were the most adoredI honestly believe. Mamma impressedThe fact upon them that a certain LordWas ofherfamily, tho' dispossessedOf all he had: of course you know the rest,He had been acting very ill, you see.But they should make acquaintance with the best,For think what claims they had of pedigree!(Misfortune always lends a grace to dignity.)
Of daughters all they were the most adoredI honestly believe. Mamma impressedThe fact upon them that a certain LordWas ofherfamily, tho' dispossessedOf all he had: of course you know the rest,He had been acting very ill, you see.But they should make acquaintance with the best,For think what claims they had of pedigree!(Misfortune always lends a grace to dignity.)
LXVIII.
They were to see the maid decant the wines,They were to give the gentlemen their dues,They were to bedistinguéesto the nines,They were, in short, to mind their p's and q's.Their darling mother never would excuseA breach of etiquette, however small,'Twere better far, if e'en they fail'd t' amuse,To do the honours well or not at all,No matter when or where, atanyfestival.
They were to see the maid decant the wines,They were to give the gentlemen their dues,They were to bedistinguéesto the nines,They were, in short, to mind their p's and q's.Their darling mother never would excuseA breach of etiquette, however small,'Twere better far, if e'en they fail'd t' amuse,To do the honours well or not at all,No matter when or where, atanyfestival.
LXIX.
In fact, 'twas this my reader, as you see,For one high-born like her allmustbe right;For she was of the aristocracyAnd therefore quite expected to her sightNone would present himself, unless the heightOf spotless honour and of gentle birth,In fewer words—and everything polite.Shewas of more than ordinary worth,One of the noblest from Thanet's Isle to Solway Firth.
In fact, 'twas this my reader, as you see,For one high-born like her allmustbe right;For she was of the aristocracyAnd therefore quite expected to her sightNone would present himself, unless the heightOf spotless honour and of gentle birth,In fewer words—and everything polite.Shewas of more than ordinary worth,One of the noblest from Thanet's Isle to Solway Firth.
LXX.
But she had seen her fifty years of life,So her young days for ever had swept by,And back to days e'er she became a wifeShe looked and for them breathed a lingering sigh,(As women often do upon the sly.)To tell the truth, my reader, I don't blame 'emFor thinking hardly of the marriage tie,Most men's delight is not to love but tame 'em,I know a score but 'twouldn't do to name 'em.
But she had seen her fifty years of life,So her young days for ever had swept by,And back to days e'er she became a wifeShe looked and for them breathed a lingering sigh,(As women often do upon the sly.)To tell the truth, my reader, I don't blame 'emFor thinking hardly of the marriage tie,Most men's delight is not to love but tame 'em,I know a score but 'twouldn't do to name 'em.
LXXI.
No doubt she'd danced with all the proud and highAnd revelled in the pomp of this vain earth,Enjoyed that mimic farce—Society,Entitled by significance of birth,But what of this! Society's not mirth,It has its fairer and its darker side,The one is worth, the other—want of worth,What are the hollow luxuries of Pride?Oh gaze not on the gloom its dazzling tinsels hide!
No doubt she'd danced with all the proud and highAnd revelled in the pomp of this vain earth,Enjoyed that mimic farce—Society,Entitled by significance of birth,But what of this! Society's not mirth,It has its fairer and its darker side,The one is worth, the other—want of worth,What are the hollow luxuries of Pride?Oh gaze not on the gloom its dazzling tinsels hide!
LXXII.
How nice it is to dash about in styleWith prancing steeds thro' all the whirling westOf mighty London, under Fashion's smile,(Tho' redundant pleasures even can molest)And feel one's happy self supremely blest,And bowed to by a “humble flunkey flat,”With endless formal courtesies oppressed;To flirt with Baron this or Lady that,And mix with all the great, the honoured of the state.
How nice it is to dash about in styleWith prancing steeds thro' all the whirling westOf mighty London, under Fashion's smile,(Tho' redundant pleasures even can molest)And feel one's happy self supremely blest,And bowed to by a “humble flunkey flat,”With endless formal courtesies oppressed;To flirt with Baron this or Lady that,And mix with all the great, the honoured of the state.
LXXIII.
Roll to the theatre, too. Upon the boardGaze on the actor—paralyzed and dumb,Till, like one man, ten thousand hands applaud,From the palpitating auditorium.See from the boxes all the purses come!How riveted admirers pause aghast!Hear the excitement in the stifled hum!And see the tears of each enthusiast!Look! ere the actor has before the curtain passed.
Roll to the theatre, too. Upon the boardGaze on the actor—paralyzed and dumb,Till, like one man, ten thousand hands applaud,From the palpitating auditorium.See from the boxes all the purses come!How riveted admirers pause aghast!Hear the excitement in the stifled hum!And see the tears of each enthusiast!Look! ere the actor has before the curtain passed.
LXXIV.
Turn on the lights! Let the besweated crowdsShriek as the music swells, now high, now lowFor all to-morrow slumber in their shroudsWho drained excitement's cup an hour ago!Watch flitting beauty, nymph-like, come and go,Fan the scorched cheek and quaff the bright champagne,Around the circles see the diamond-glow,Revel in laughter, think no more of pain!See! see! the blind ascends and all begins again!
Turn on the lights! Let the besweated crowdsShriek as the music swells, now high, now lowFor all to-morrow slumber in their shroudsWho drained excitement's cup an hour ago!Watch flitting beauty, nymph-like, come and go,Fan the scorched cheek and quaff the bright champagne,Around the circles see the diamond-glow,Revel in laughter, think no more of pain!See! see! the blind ascends and all begins again!
LXXV.
Put up the opera-glass and scan the stage,On crimson piles luxuriantly recline,And see the premature decay of ageTransformed to youth, a lovely columbine!While th' gorgeous tapestries of rare designIn rich profusion hang in heavy fold;See every pantomimic splendour shineLike glist'ring starlight, opal, pearl, and gold,Mirrors reflecting mirrors, countless and untold!
Put up the opera-glass and scan the stage,On crimson piles luxuriantly recline,And see the premature decay of ageTransformed to youth, a lovely columbine!While th' gorgeous tapestries of rare designIn rich profusion hang in heavy fold;See every pantomimic splendour shineLike glist'ring starlight, opal, pearl, and gold,Mirrors reflecting mirrors, countless and untold!
LXXVI.
But some folks always spend the night in gaming,Or very nearly so, at any rate,And other vices hardly worth the naming(But we, of course, are not immaculate),Then think of rising very, very lateAfter a night's debauch and dissipationAnd rolling homewards with unsteady gait(Perhaps 'twas after the red-hot gyrationOf the previous evening). Ours is a sad nation!
But some folks always spend the night in gaming,Or very nearly so, at any rate,And other vices hardly worth the naming(But we, of course, are not immaculate),Then think of rising very, very lateAfter a night's debauch and dissipationAnd rolling homewards with unsteady gait(Perhaps 'twas after the red-hot gyrationOf the previous evening). Ours is a sad nation!
LXXVII.
The breakfast lies untasted, for the teaIs not the nectar-like concoction (suchAs accompanies the dice and play-room) weAre very fond of (for we take too much),And therefore home supplies we cannot touch;In all and everything we are undone,Lips parch, head whirls, was never suchA wretched plight; indeed we're not A 1.We think we have remaining money but have none.
The breakfast lies untasted, for the teaIs not the nectar-like concoction (suchAs accompanies the dice and play-room) weAre very fond of (for we take too much),And therefore home supplies we cannot touch;In all and everything we are undone,Lips parch, head whirls, was never suchA wretched plight; indeed we're not A 1.We think we have remaining money but have none.
LXXVIII.
But 'tis too bad I know;—again I've erredAnd deviated sadly from my tale;I'm sorry that it should have thus occurred,I know, and you know too, that I am frailAnd everything I've said is very stale,At least it is to me, I daresay tooTo some of you on p'raps a different scale,Much more familiar, if one only knew.It is quite marvellous what some can bustle through!
But 'tis too bad I know;—again I've erredAnd deviated sadly from my tale;I'm sorry that it should have thus occurred,I know, and you know too, that I am frailAnd everything I've said is very stale,At least it is to me, I daresay tooTo some of you on p'raps a different scale,Much more familiar, if one only knew.It is quite marvellous what some can bustle through!
LXXIX.
The day arrived; the sun was shining brightlyAs it was necessary that it should,The rooms were swept and all that was unsightlyThey hid away as quickly as they could;And then the edibles, both many and good,Julia and Hannah carried to the spot(The nearest way was through the primrose-wood)And then turned homeward with a merry trot,And waited for the time t' arrive; and who would not?
The day arrived; the sun was shining brightlyAs it was necessary that it should,The rooms were swept and all that was unsightlyThey hid away as quickly as they could;And then the edibles, both many and good,Julia and Hannah carried to the spot(The nearest way was through the primrose-wood)And then turned homeward with a merry trot,And waited for the time t' arrive; and who would not?
LXXX.
The edibles consisted of a ham,A vase of clotted cream, two pigeon pies,Some cakes of every sort, a breast of lamb,Eggs, bread and butter, as you would surmise,A calf's head, too, of an enormous size,Ripe strawberries and currants red they laidOn fresh green leaves (so nice to hungry eyes),Oporto iced, some “pop” and lemonade;Besides some other delicacies they had made.
The edibles consisted of a ham,A vase of clotted cream, two pigeon pies,Some cakes of every sort, a breast of lamb,Eggs, bread and butter, as you would surmise,A calf's head, too, of an enormous size,Ripe strawberries and currants red they laidOn fresh green leaves (so nice to hungry eyes),Oporto iced, some “pop” and lemonade;Besides some other delicacies they had made.
LXXXI.
They, too, supplied some cans of country beerFor the lab'ring men, and half-a-crown apieceFor them to have some downright merry cheer;The question was—where did their bounty cease?So fast their acts of kindness did increase,So welcome were they to the neighb'ring poorTo whom their homely smile was joy and peace,And to whose cottages they often boreSome small addition to their little cupboard store.
They, too, supplied some cans of country beerFor the lab'ring men, and half-a-crown apieceFor them to have some downright merry cheer;The question was—where did their bounty cease?So fast their acts of kindness did increase,So welcome were they to the neighb'ring poorTo whom their homely smile was joy and peace,And to whose cottages they often boreSome small addition to their little cupboard store.
LXXXII.
I picture, as I write, the little scene:The dwelling clustered o'er with roses white,The parlour with its ruby bricks so clean,And all within so happy and so bright.I would exchange my being, if I might,With him whose life-long day is so serene,Whose eve knows no lament, whose morn no blight,Whose every hour is tranquil in between,Whose hopes are ever fair, whose joys are ever green.
I picture, as I write, the little scene:The dwelling clustered o'er with roses white,The parlour with its ruby bricks so clean,And all within so happy and so bright.I would exchange my being, if I might,With him whose life-long day is so serene,Whose eve knows no lament, whose morn no blight,Whose every hour is tranquil in between,Whose hopes are ever fair, whose joys are ever green.
LXXXIII.
But other bards are present, let them singOf such as these; each condescending MuseShall teach her fondling how t' awake each string,And tinge each mouthful with ambrosial hues,And keep him very well in boots and shoes.Heresome dwarfed harmless poetaster rhymesWhose very name gives list'ning fools the “blues,”Not only here, alas in other climes,Which must not be, of course, in these prolific times.
But other bards are present, let them singOf such as these; each condescending MuseShall teach her fondling how t' awake each string,And tinge each mouthful with ambrosial hues,And keep him very well in boots and shoes.Heresome dwarfed harmless poetaster rhymesWhose very name gives list'ning fools the “blues,”Not only here, alas in other climes,Which must not be, of course, in these prolific times.
LXXXIV.
There's Francis Palgrave, there's Rosetti too;Trill on, ye two, the song of future years,Move, Palgrave, move, with bosom rent anew,An audience multitudinous to tears;Scratch on with quill unwearied and no fears,The world shall fling thee thy resplendent bays,For Popular Opinion safely steersHis barque upon the river of thy praise.The stars themselves shall pause to listen to thy lays.
There's Francis Palgrave, there's Rosetti too;Trill on, ye two, the song of future years,Move, Palgrave, move, with bosom rent anew,An audience multitudinous to tears;Scratch on with quill unwearied and no fears,The world shall fling thee thy resplendent bays,For Popular Opinion safely steersHis barque upon the river of thy praise.The stars themselves shall pause to listen to thy lays.
LXXXV.
The visitors expected smartly droveUp to the gate, and Julia showed them in,Dressed in her best (a sickly-looking mauve);She also wore a most audacious grin,Which Mistress too was far from favouring,And it was clear a “lecture” was in store,Most of us know what that means; for some sinMany have I myself received before;I'm never naughty now;thatwas in days of yore.
The visitors expected smartly droveUp to the gate, and Julia showed them in,Dressed in her best (a sickly-looking mauve);She also wore a most audacious grin,Which Mistress too was far from favouring,And it was clear a “lecture” was in store,Most of us know what that means; for some sinMany have I myself received before;I'm never naughty now;thatwas in days of yore.
LXXXVI.
Full twelve or fifteen minutes had expired,Before the salutation part was done,And they, poor chaps, were doubtless very tired,Quite tired enough, before it had begun.(Just think of all that distance in the sun!)As usual, everlasting “hows” and “whens,”And kind inquiries mixed with pretty funWere passed from mouth to mouth, which always tendsTo show how much our joy on others' joy depends (?).
Full twelve or fifteen minutes had expired,Before the salutation part was done,And they, poor chaps, were doubtless very tired,Quite tired enough, before it had begun.(Just think of all that distance in the sun!)As usual, everlasting “hows” and “whens,”And kind inquiries mixed with pretty funWere passed from mouth to mouth, which always tendsTo show how much our joy on others' joy depends (?).
LXXXVII.
But really and truly, joking all aside,One of our friends, the tallest of the threeI think it was, but cannot quite decide,Was handsome as a man could hope to be,I only wish that he'd exchanged with me;Such depth of eye and such a princely frown!I wish, my friends, that you'd been there to seeHis small white hands and his moustache of brown,Indeed 'twas worth a journey all the way from town.
But really and truly, joking all aside,One of our friends, the tallest of the threeI think it was, but cannot quite decide,Was handsome as a man could hope to be,I only wish that he'd exchanged with me;Such depth of eye and such a princely frown!I wish, my friends, that you'd been there to seeHis small white hands and his moustache of brown,Indeed 'twas worth a journey all the way from town.
LXXXVIII.
It is, I think, a matter of opinionWhat style of face is sweetest to behold,Whether Malay or Greek or Abyssinian,Italian I have oftentimes been told:Malay I think expressionless and cold,Tho' some admire its sweet simplicity,But I'll observe, if I may be so bold,It must be far-fetched eccentricity;At least I can't discover such felicity.
It is, I think, a matter of opinionWhat style of face is sweetest to behold,Whether Malay or Greek or Abyssinian,Italian I have oftentimes been told:Malay I think expressionless and cold,Tho' some admire its sweet simplicity,But I'll observe, if I may be so bold,It must be far-fetched eccentricity;At least I can't discover such felicity.
LXXXIX.
Down to the hayfield numerous forks were sent,The ladies took the lighter ones to use,And all were jovial to a great extent;The gentlemen related all the newsAnd cheerfully did everything t' amuse,When a mischance occurred, picked up the forks,(What gentleman I wonder could refuse)And helped t' unload and pull out all the corksAnd arranged some ladies' nosegays, cutting off superfluous stalks.
Down to the hayfield numerous forks were sent,The ladies took the lighter ones to use,And all were jovial to a great extent;The gentlemen related all the newsAnd cheerfully did everything t' amuse,When a mischance occurred, picked up the forks,(What gentleman I wonder could refuse)And helped t' unload and pull out all the corksAnd arranged some ladies' nosegays, cutting off superfluous stalks.
XC.
Upon the grass the damask cloth was laid,And the repast looked wonderfully nice,Spread, as I said it would be, in the shade,With every summer dainty to entice,Especially the lemonade and ice(Coffee for those who coffee did prefer),And Julia, too, was charmingly precise,(To which it is but justice to refer)Than her sweet smile nought could have been much prettier.
Upon the grass the damask cloth was laid,And the repast looked wonderfully nice,Spread, as I said it would be, in the shade,With every summer dainty to entice,Especially the lemonade and ice(Coffee for those who coffee did prefer),And Julia, too, was charmingly precise,(To which it is but justice to refer)Than her sweet smile nought could have been much prettier.
XCI.
From three crossed sticks above a faggot fireThe water-vessel sent they did suspendAs people mostly do, with twisted wire;Much care and labour too they did expend,Determined that their visitors should spendA very merry evening, which they had,For there was merry-making without end,And all the company made very glad;Considering all things, its success was not so bad.
From three crossed sticks above a faggot fireThe water-vessel sent they did suspendAs people mostly do, with twisted wire;Much care and labour too they did expend,Determined that their visitors should spendA very merry evening, which they had,For there was merry-making without end,And all the company made very glad;Considering all things, its success was not so bad.
XCII.
The host was irresistibly polite;“Nowdotry this” he pressingly would say,Until it was a positive delightTo pass your plate and let him have his way;Indeed he scorned the very thought of “Nay;”The ladies, though they chatted gaily, thoughtOf lots and lots of things they'd like to say,But couldn't then, you know, for they'd been taughtAt such a time to smother feelings of the sort.
The host was irresistibly polite;“Nowdotry this” he pressingly would say,Until it was a positive delightTo pass your plate and let him have his way;Indeed he scorned the very thought of “Nay;”The ladies, though they chatted gaily, thoughtOf lots and lots of things they'd like to say,But couldn't then, you know, for they'd been taughtAt such a time to smother feelings of the sort.
XCIII.
Pop went the corks, the ladies screamed with fearAnd put their handkerchiefs before their face,Then stuffed their ears so full they couldn't hearAnd each one made a terrible grimace,Begging that to some farther distant placeThe bottles should be pointed; then, alas!All ran away as though they ran a race,When each had managed to upset her glassOn the corks banging, like a timid little (l)ass.
Pop went the corks, the ladies screamed with fearAnd put their handkerchiefs before their face,Then stuffed their ears so full they couldn't hearAnd each one made a terrible grimace,Begging that to some farther distant placeThe bottles should be pointed; then, alas!All ran away as though they ran a race,When each had managed to upset her glassOn the corks banging, like a timid little (l)ass.
XCIV.
The ladies then, with one consent, declaredThe gentlemen to be too good by half,That angels with them could not be compared;Then everybody had a hearty laugh;The “charms” indulged in various little chaffAnd gave the gentlemen some dreadful “whacks,”I do not mean with their Papa's old staffBut with their little hands, across their backs,Observing they deserved quite twice as many smacks.
The ladies then, with one consent, declaredThe gentlemen to be too good by half,That angels with them could not be compared;Then everybody had a hearty laugh;The “charms” indulged in various little chaffAnd gave the gentlemen some dreadful “whacks,”I do not mean with their Papa's old staffBut with their little hands, across their backs,Observing they deserved quite twice as many smacks.
XCV.
Rowland, our handsome friend, pronounced the piesOf all he ever liked to be the best;Lionel, too, bespoke the strawberries,And Gilbert loved the currants, he confessed;In short, the gathering was the loveliestOf all the gatherings they had ever known,And each, of course, was proud to be a guest;The ladies sighed how fast the time had flown;That they were sorry everybody there did own.
Rowland, our handsome friend, pronounced the piesOf all he ever liked to be the best;Lionel, too, bespoke the strawberries,And Gilbert loved the currants, he confessed;In short, the gathering was the loveliestOf all the gatherings they had ever known,And each, of course, was proud to be a guest;The ladies sighed how fast the time had flown;That they were sorry everybody there did own.
XCVI.
Then (at the special signal of Mamma)The labourers came to take some little cheer;They doffed their hats and shouted thrice “Hurrah!”When they had polished off a little beer;But took the treasure while a burning tear,Unchecked and gentle, trembled on the cheekAnd damped the furrows of full many a year,And fettered up the lips; thankful and meek,Each rustic bent his toil-worn brow, but could not speak.
Then (at the special signal of Mamma)The labourers came to take some little cheer;They doffed their hats and shouted thrice “Hurrah!”When they had polished off a little beer;But took the treasure while a burning tear,Unchecked and gentle, trembled on the cheekAnd damped the furrows of full many a year,And fettered up the lips; thankful and meek,Each rustic bent his toil-worn brow, but could not speak.
XCVII.
And each one passed his rough and heavy sleeveUp to his face, across his briny eye;What human breast that tears may not relieve?What cheek that tears can never beautify?They moved away and sauntered leisurelyBack to their toil, back to their daily bread,Then homewards. In the evening's streaky skyThe crescent moon gleamed faintly overheadAnd whispered that their little ones were hushed in bed.
And each one passed his rough and heavy sleeveUp to his face, across his briny eye;What human breast that tears may not relieve?What cheek that tears can never beautify?They moved away and sauntered leisurelyBack to their toil, back to their daily bread,Then homewards. In the evening's streaky skyThe crescent moon gleamed faintly overheadAnd whispered that their little ones were hushed in bed.
XCVIII.
Our friends and visitors withdrew insideNow they had tossed the hay and had their fill,And it was proper time they should, beside—The fields were getting positively chill;The gentlemen sat down and rested tillThe trap was ready, and the lamps were lighted,And pleased they were to chat awhile, but stillIt made the journey tedious if benighted;Of course they mentioned they'd been thoroughly delighted.
Our friends and visitors withdrew insideNow they had tossed the hay and had their fill,And it was proper time they should, beside—The fields were getting positively chill;The gentlemen sat down and rested tillThe trap was ready, and the lamps were lighted,And pleased they were to chat awhile, but stillIt made the journey tedious if benighted;Of course they mentioned they'd been thoroughly delighted.
XCIX.
Then scribbling autographs seemed all the go,And music took the place of tossing hay,With various small etcetera, and soIt came about they should not go awayBefore they'd promised for another day.Of course what could they say? they said they would,And highly pleased they all were I daresay;And so between them all 'twas understoodThey had arranged a pic-nic near some distant wood.
Then scribbling autographs seemed all the go,And music took the place of tossing hay,With various small etcetera, and soIt came about they should not go awayBefore they'd promised for another day.Of course what could they say? they said they would,And highly pleased they all were I daresay;And so between them all 'twas understoodThey had arranged a pic-nic near some distant wood.
C.
Meanwhile the horse was getting slightly frisky,Impatient quite to trot his homeward road;Of course our friends must have a glass of whisky,The frisky horse, the trap, and all be blowed:As long as they arrived at their abodeIt didn't matter and they didn't care,And all these circumstances only showedThey were in no great hurry to be there,Perhaps preferring to remain just where they were.
Meanwhile the horse was getting slightly frisky,Impatient quite to trot his homeward road;Of course our friends must have a glass of whisky,The frisky horse, the trap, and all be blowed:As long as they arrived at their abodeIt didn't matter and they didn't care,And all these circumstances only showedThey were in no great hurry to be there,Perhaps preferring to remain just where they were.
CI.
But still the parting came: as for adieus,They lasted just as long, I do believe,As all the “Hows” and “Whens” and “How d'ye dos”On their arrival,—no, I don't deceive;They all took “quite excruciating” leave,And Julia hurried up and held the gate,For which a florin-piece she did receive,Then hurried back in quite a frantic state,Indeed her eyes with very pleasure did dilate.
But still the parting came: as for adieus,They lasted just as long, I do believe,As all the “Hows” and “Whens” and “How d'ye dos”On their arrival,—no, I don't deceive;They all took “quite excruciating” leave,And Julia hurried up and held the gate,For which a florin-piece she did receive,Then hurried back in quite a frantic state,Indeed her eyes with very pleasure did dilate.
CII.
Now they were all alone, the day was o'er,The blinds were down and all the shutters closed,Julia was sent to bolt the garden door,And all did whatsoe'er they felt disposed;Mamma, with covered face, lay down and dozed,Papa and his three daughters played at loo,It was a pleasant pastime they supposed,I almost think it must have been, don't you?But everybody wished the day would dawn anew.
Now they were all alone, the day was o'er,The blinds were down and all the shutters closed,Julia was sent to bolt the garden door,And all did whatsoe'er they felt disposed;Mamma, with covered face, lay down and dozed,Papa and his three daughters played at loo,It was a pleasant pastime they supposed,I almost think it must have been, don't you?But everybody wished the day would dawn anew.
CIII.
They went to bed, as weary people must,Earlier than usual, after having playedThree lovely games at loo, and then discussedThe nice refreshment in the pleasant shade;And I am sure they must have been repaidQuite amply for their trouble in the pleasureOf hearing all the gentlemen had said,For Dora seemed amused beyond all measure—(She was the eldest one, you know, and such a treasure!)
They went to bed, as weary people must,Earlier than usual, after having playedThree lovely games at loo, and then discussedThe nice refreshment in the pleasant shade;And I am sure they must have been repaidQuite amply for their trouble in the pleasureOf hearing all the gentlemen had said,For Dora seemed amused beyond all measure—(She was the eldest one, you know, and such a treasure!)
CIV.
The household said good night to chat and cards,They were, at least they seemed to be, worn out;And 'tis the same, I think, with tiny bards,For they, too, must leave off sometimes, no doubt,Most folks, I know, would rather be withoutSuch nuisances as we are at the most,And I myself am but a lazy lout,For dallying all my time amongst the hostOf scribbling dolts; but writing verse is not my boast.
The household said good night to chat and cards,They were, at least they seemed to be, worn out;And 'tis the same, I think, with tiny bards,For they, too, must leave off sometimes, no doubt,Most folks, I know, would rather be withoutSuch nuisances as we are at the most,And I myself am but a lazy lout,For dallying all my time amongst the hostOf scribbling dolts; but writing verse is not my boast.
CV.
Good-bye, my friends, for now, I really think,'Tis time to pause for I have croaked so long,To lay aside my paper, pen and ink,And hush the grating measure of my song,Your kind applause may not to me belong,It might have been much better I'll agree,But if you'll just decide to come along—With a forgiving heart—along with me,We'll both shake hands upon the subject merrily.
Good-bye, my friends, for now, I really think,'Tis time to pause for I have croaked so long,To lay aside my paper, pen and ink,And hush the grating measure of my song,Your kind applause may not to me belong,It might have been much better I'll agree,But if you'll just decide to come along—With a forgiving heart—along with me,We'll both shake hands upon the subject merrily.
CVI.
It is a pity fools are prone to scribble,Such pigmy rhymesters as sincerely yours,Who flabbergast their nursery-maids and dribbleAll down their literary pinafores.All men form two divisions—first, the Bores,Next, those who must incessantly be bored;To those who can explain I leave the cause,Or him who said so ('twas a certain Lord)His name it is not necessary to record.
It is a pity fools are prone to scribble,Such pigmy rhymesters as sincerely yours,Who flabbergast their nursery-maids and dribbleAll down their literary pinafores.All men form two divisions—first, the Bores,Next, those who must incessantly be bored;To those who can explain I leave the cause,Or him who said so ('twas a certain Lord)His name it is not necessary to record.
CVII.
I want a rest, I blink, I see some authors,And laurel wreaths and pens both great and small,But weirdly mixed with inkpots, cups and saucers,Floating in air like things ethereal;How dare such stupid things intrude at all!There, let me sleep for Goodness' Gracious' sake,I really shall not answer if you call,I'll finish up my story when I wake;Hush, hush, my darling, hush, else rest I cannot take.
I want a rest, I blink, I see some authors,And laurel wreaths and pens both great and small,But weirdly mixed with inkpots, cups and saucers,Floating in air like things ethereal;How dare such stupid things intrude at all!There, let me sleep for Goodness' Gracious' sake,I really shall not answer if you call,I'll finish up my story when I wake;Hush, hush, my darling, hush, else rest I cannot take.
End of Canto I.
I.
Good day, and how d'ye do my friends and neighbours?I must have dozed upon my easy chair;I feel refreshed and recommence my labours,And urge my soaring Pegasus through air,Nor ask his destination or his fare,It matters not to me, and I resume;But not to dose you more than you can bear,To take my flight with others, I presume,And why not so, my friends, since there's no lack of room?
Good day, and how d'ye do my friends and neighbours?I must have dozed upon my easy chair;I feel refreshed and recommence my labours,And urge my soaring Pegasus through air,Nor ask his destination or his fare,It matters not to me, and I resume;But not to dose you more than you can bear,To take my flight with others, I presume,And why not so, my friends, since there's no lack of room?
II.