(Gustaveopens the folding-doors, revealing the drawing-room, in which is a large four-poster, withMademoiselle Hortense’sbody laid out upon it. Two lighted candles, a crucifix, a branch of palm, wreaths. At the back, a glass door leading to the garden.Allgo in,Saint AnthonyandGustavelast.)
(Gustaveopens the folding-doors, revealing the drawing-room, in which is a large four-poster, withMademoiselle Hortense’sbody laid out upon it. Two lighted candles, a crucifix, a branch of palm, wreaths. At the back, a glass door leading to the garden.Allgo in,Saint AnthonyandGustavelast.)
Gustave
Here is the body of the dear departed. As you see, she’s quite dead. Are you satisfied?... And now leave us. Let us cut short the experiment. (ToJoseph.) Show the gentleman out by the garden-door.
Saint Anthony
Allow me. (He walks into the middle of the room and stands at the foot of thebed. Turning to the corpse and speaking in a loud, grave voice.) Arise!
Gustave
There, that’ll do! We can’t stand by and allow a stranger to outrage our most sacred feelings; and I ask you once more, for the last time....
Saint Anthony
Allow me, please! (He goes nearer the bed and raises his voice more authoritatively.) Arise!
Gustave
(Losing his patience.) That’s enough! We’ll end by quarrelling.... Come, this way: the door’s over here.
Saint Anthony
Allow me!... She is very far away. (In a deeper and more commanding tone.) Mademoiselle Hortense, return and arise from the dead.
(To the general amazement, the dead woman first makes a slight movement and then opens her eyes, unfolds her hands, raises herself slowly to a sitting posture, puts her night-cap straight and looks round the room with a crabbed and discontented air. Next she begins quietly to scratch at a bit of candle-grease which she has discovered on the sleeve of her night-gown. There is a moment of overpowering silence; thenVirginiestarts from the bewildered group, runs up to the bed and flings herself into the arms of the woman restored to life.)
(To the general amazement, the dead woman first makes a slight movement and then opens her eyes, unfolds her hands, raises herself slowly to a sitting posture, puts her night-cap straight and looks round the room with a crabbed and discontented air. Next she begins quietly to scratch at a bit of candle-grease which she has discovered on the sleeve of her night-gown. There is a moment of overpowering silence; thenVirginiestarts from the bewildered group, runs up to the bed and flings herself into the arms of the woman restored to life.)
Virginie
Mademoiselle Hortense! She’s alive! Look, she’s scratching at a bit of candle-grease;she’s feeling for her glasses.... Here they are! Here they are!... Saint Anthony! Saint Anthony!... A miracle! A miracle!... On your knees! On your knees!
Gustave
Come, come, be still!... Don’t talk nonsense!... This is no time for....
Achille
There’s no denying it, she’s alive.
A Guest
But it’s not possible! What has he done to her?
Gustave
You can’t take it seriously. She’ll have a relapse.
Achille
No, no, I assure you. Just see how she’s staring at us.
Gustave
I don’t believe it yet. What are we coming to? Where are the laws of nature? Doctor, what do you say?
The Doctor
(Embarrassed.) What do I say? What would you have me say? It doesn’t concern me, it’s not my business. It’s absurd and, at the same time, quite simple. If she’s alive, then she was never dead. There’s no reason to be amazed and proclaim a miracle.
Gustave
But you yourself said....
The Doctor
I said, I said.... To begin with, I said nothing positive; and I would have you observe that I have not signed the death-certificate. I even had very seriousdoubts, but I would not tell you of them, lest I should raise false hopes.... In any case, all this proves nothing; and it is very unlikely that she will live long.
Achille
Meanwhile we must accept the evidence, the happy evidence, of our senses.
Virginie
Yes, yes, we must believe it! There’s not a doubt left! I told you he was a saint, a great saint! Just look at her! She’s alive and as fresh as a rose in June!
Gustave
(Going to the bed and kissingMademoiselle Hortense.) Aunt, my dear aunt, is it really you?
Achille
(Going to the bed.) Do you know me,aunt? I am Achille, your nephew, Achille.
Léontine
And me, auntie? I am your old niece Léontine.
Valentine
And me, my dear godmother, do you know me? I am little Valentine, to whom you left all your silver.
Gustave
She’s smiling.
Achille
Not at all, she looks displeased.
Gustave
But she recognizes us all.
Achille
(SeeingMademoiselle Hortenseopen her mouth and move her lips.) Listen! She’s going to speak.
Virginie
Heavenly Father!... And she has seen God!... She’ll tell us about the delights of Paradise!... On your knees! On your knees!
Achille
Listen! Listen!
Mademoiselle Hortense
(EyeingSaint Anthonywith scorn and disgust. In a shrill and angry voice.) Who is this person? Who has dared to let a bare-footed tramp into my drawing-room? He’s dirtied all the carpets as it is!... Put him out at once!... Virginie, how often have I told you not to let beggars....
Saint Anthony
(Raising his hand imperiously.) Silence!
(TheAuntstops suddenly in the middle of her sentence, and sits up open-mouthed, unable to utter a sound.)
(TheAuntstops suddenly in the middle of her sentence, and sits up open-mouthed, unable to utter a sound.)
Gustave
You must forgive her, she does not yet know how much she owes you. But we, we know. There’s no question but that what you have done was more than most people could have done. It may have been an accident or ... something else; upon my word, I don’t know. But what I do know is that I am proud and happy to shake you by the hand.
Saint Anthony
I should like to go, please. I have work to do.
Gustave
Oh, don’t be in such a hurry! We can’t let you go like this. You shall notleave empty-handed. I don’t know what my aunt will give you: that’s her affair: I cannot promise anything in her name. But, for my part, I will consult my brother-in-law; and, whether it be a coincidence or ... something else, we will pay for the coincidence without quibbling about the amount; and you shall have no reason to regret what you have done. That’s so, Achille, isn’t it?
Achille
Certainly, you will not regret it, on the contrary.
Gustave
We are not tremendously well off; we have wives and children and we have had our disappointments; but, after all, we know how to recognize a kindness; and, if it were only for the honour of the family, it would never do to have it said that astranger, however poor, came and did us a service without receiving a reward, a decent reward, the best reward that in us lies, a reward in proportion to our means, which, I repeat, are limited.... Oh, I know, there are services which nothing can repay and which are not paid for: you need not tell me that! I know it, I know it: don’t interrupt me. But that’s no reason why we should not do something.... Come, what do you think we owe you? Name your own figure. Of course, you must not ask for anything excessive; we couldn’t give it you; but whatever seems reasonable you shall have.
Achille
My brother-in-law is right: but, while the matter is arranging, I propose to make a little collection among ourselves. Thatwon’t prejudice you in any way and will keep you going for a time.
Saint Anthony
I want to go away, please. I have other work to do.
Gustave
Other work to do! Other work to do! What work can you have to do?... No, I can’t have that; and it’s not nice of you to suggest it. What would people say if they heard that we let you go like this after restoring the dear departed to us? If you won’t take money—and I understand your delicacy of feeling and approve of it—at least you will do us the pleasure of accepting a little keepsake? Oh, don’t be afraid: just a trifle, a cigar-holder, or a tie-pin, or a meerschaum pipe. I could have your name and address and the date engraved on it.
Saint Anthony
No, thank you. I can accept nothing.
Gustave
Do you mean that?
Saint Anthony
I do.
Achille
(Taking out his cigar-case.) At any rate, you will do us the pleasure of smoking a cigar with us. You can’t refuse that.
Saint Anthony
Thank you, I do not smoke.
Gustave
You’re most discouraging. Still, what would you like? You must have a wish of some sort. You have only to speak, for everything is yours in this house, which you have filled with gladness. It’s all yours. I can’t say more than that. Atleast, all that one can honestly part with.... Why, it’s an insult to leave us like this!
Achille
Look here, I have an idea that’s not half bad. As our friend won’t accept anything—and, like my brother-in-law, I understand his delicacy, of which, I am sure, we all approve; for life can’t be paid for and has no price—well, since he has shown a disinterested nature which at once makes him our equal, what I want to know is this: why should he not do us the honour of sitting down with us and helping us finish a luncheon which he has so happily interrupted!... What do you all say?... (Murmurs of restrained approval.)
Gustave
That’s it! The very thing! That settles everything! How clever of youto think of it!... (ToSaint Anthony.) Well, what do you say?... By squeezing a bit, we can easily make room for you. You shall have the seat of honour. The partridges will be cold, but no matter: you have a good appetite, I feel sure!... Well, that’s arranged, eh? There will be no ceremony: we’re decent people and easy-going, as you see....
Saint Anthony
No, really. You must excuse me. I’m sorry, I can’t. I’m expected elsewhere.
Gustave
Oh, come, you can’t refuse us this! Besides, who’s expecting you?
Saint Anthony
Another corpse.
Gustave
A corpse! Another corpse! It won’t run away! Surely you’re not going to put a corpse before us! To throw us over for a corpse!
Achille
No, I see what it is. You would rather go down to the kitchen, wouldn’t you? You’d feel more comfortable there.
Gustave
Then he can come up afterwards for coffee.
Achille
Ah, he’s not refusing! He prefers that! I understand. Virginie, leave your mistress—she doesn’t need you now—and take the gentleman down to your kitchen. Give him some of everything. (He taps theSaintfamiliarly on the stomach.) Ha, ha! You and Virginieare going to have a jolly good time together! I guessed right, didn’t I, you old rogue you! You old sly-boots!
Virginie
(In a voice of alarm.) Sir!
Gustave
What is it?
Virginie
I don’t know, but Mademoiselle Hortense has lost her speech again.
Gustave
What? She’s lost her speech?
Virginie
Yes, sir, look.... She’s opening her mouth and moving her lips and working her hands but her voice has gone.
Gustave
What is it, aunt? Is there somethingyou want to tell us? (She nods assent.) And you can’t? There, there, make an effort; it’s a temporary paralysis, that’s all. It will soon pass. (She makes a sign that she can no longer speak.) What’s the matter with you? What do want? (ToSaint Anthony.) What’s the meaning of this?
Saint Anthony
She will never speak again.
Gustave
She will never speak again? But she has been speaking. You heard her. She even gave you a piece of her mind.
Saint Anthony
It was an oversight on my part. She won’t have her voice again.
Gustave
Can’t you restore it to her?
Saint Anthony
No.
Gustave
And when will it come back?
Saint Anthony
Never.
Gustave
What! Will she remain dumb to the end of her days?
Saint Anthony
Yes.
Gustave
Why?
Saint Anthony
She has beheld mysteries which she may not reveal.
Gustave
Mysteries? What mysteries?
Saint Anthony
The mysteries of the dead.
Gustave
The mysteries of the dead? This is a fresh joke. What do you take us for? No, no, my lad, this won’t do! She spoke; we all heard her; we have witnesses. You have, of malice prepense, deprived her of her power of speech, with an object which I am beginning to see through. You’ll just restore it at once, or....
Achille
It was really not worth while bringing her back to life, to give her to us in this condition.
Gustave
If you could not give her back to us as she was before your stupid and clumsyinterference, you would have done better not to have meddled.
Achille
It was a bad action.
Gustave
An abuse of confidence.
Achille
An abuse of confidence: that’s what it was. There is no excuse for it.
Gustave
You’re expecting to blackmail us, perhaps?
Achille
I suppose you think you’re dealing with a pack of fools?
Gustave
Who asked you to come? I hate saying it, but I would rather see her deadthan have her back in this state. It’s too cruel, too painful for those who love her. You can’t come like this, under the pretence of working a miracle, and disturb the peace of the people who have done you no harm, bringing unhappiness upon them! A nice thing. But he laughs best who laughs last!
The Doctor
Allow me. Calm yourselves. The man has done wrong, there’s no doubt of that; but we must not blame him: he is probably unaccountable for his actions. (Going up toSaint Anthony.) Just let me examine your eyes, my friend. That’s it: I knew it! I would not interfere while everybody was thanking him, much too cordially, for the miraculous resurrection which he had wrought. I did not wish to appear to meddle with what does not concernme. I knew what was what; and you see, as I do, that she was not dead at all. There is nothing supernatural or mysterious about all this. It simply means that the fellow possesses rather unusual hypnotic powers; and he has abused them, in order to indulge in a hoax which may be self-interested and which, in any case, is out of place. He came at the right moment, that is all; and it is highly probable that, had he not been here, you and I would have worked the miracle, if miracle there be.
Gustave
Well, what are we to do?
The Doctor
Why, prevent him from doing further mischief by having him locked up! The man’s dangerous!
Gustave
You’re right; we must put a stop to this; besides, I’ve had enough of it.... Joseph!
Joseph
Sir?
Gustave
Run to the police-station at the corner; fetch two policemen; tell them to bring a pair of handcuffs with them. He’s a dangerous fellow and capable of everything, as he has shown us only too plainly.
Joseph
Very well, sir. (He runs out.)
Saint Anthony
I beg leave to withdraw.
Gustave
That’s right, old chap, play the innocent. It’s time you did. Yes, you can withdraw;and with a first-class escort. You just wait and see.
(EnterJoseph, followed by aSergeant of Policeand aPoliceman.)
(EnterJoseph, followed by aSergeant of Policeand aPoliceman.)
The Sergeant
(Pointing toSaint Anthony.) Is this the criminal?
Gustave
That’s the man.
The Sergeant
(TouchingSaint Anthonyon the shoulder.) Where are your papers?
Saint Anthony
What papers?
Policeman
You haven’t any? I knew it. What’s your name?
Saint Anthony
Saint Anthony.
The Sergeant
Saint what? Saint Anthony? That’s no name for a Christian. I want the other, your real name.
Saint Anthony
(Very gently.) I have no other.
The Sergeant
Keep a civil tongue in your head, will you? Where did you steal that dressing-gown?
Saint Anthony
I didn’t steal it. It’s mine.
The Sergeant
Then it’s I who am lying? Is that what you mean? Say it; don’t mind me!
Saint Anthony
I don’t know. I think.... Perhaps you are mistaken.
The Sergeant
I’m making a note of your impertinent observations.... Where do you hail from?
Saint Anthony
From Padua.
The Sergeant
Padua? Where’s that? What department?
Gustave
It’s in Italy.
The Sergeant
I know, I know. I wanted to make him say it. So you’re an Italian. I thought as much. Where did you last come from?
Saint Anthony
From Paradise.
The Sergeant
What Paradise? Where is that land of malefactors?
Saint Anthony
It is the place to which the souls of those who have died in the Lord ascend after their death.
The Sergeant
I see, I see, I understand! You’re coming the artful over me! You’re pulling my leg! First you’re impudent and now you’re being clever! Very well, your case is quite clear: we’ll soon settle it.... (ToGustave.) Let’s hear what he has done. What has he stolen?
Gustave
I can’t yet say for certain that he has stolen anything; I haven’t had time to take stock of things; and I don’t like to accuse him without being sure. We must be just before all things. But he has done something more serious.
The Sergeant
I never doubted it.
Gustave
You know the loss which we have suffered. While we were mourning the dear departed and finishing our lunch, he made his way into the house under some pretext or other, with intentions which you can easily guess. He took advantage of the maid’s simplicity and credulousness to have the door opened of the room where the body was laid out. He obviously hoped to turn our disorder and grief to account in order to fish in troubled waters and make a haul. He may have learnt through an accomplice that our aunt’s jewels and silver were put out on the mantelpiece. Unfortunately for him, our aunt was not dead. And, suddenly, seeing this repellent figure in her room, she woke up, cried out and spoke to him roundly and pluckily. Then, to take revenge forhis discomfiture, I don’t know how—the doctor will explain—he deprived her of the use of her speech; and, notwithstanding our entreaties, he refuses to restore it to her, naturally hoping to make us pay through the nose. Mind you, I am making no accusations; I am simply stating the facts. As for the rest, you can ask the doctor.
The Doctor
I will furnish all the necessary explanations before the Commissary; if he wishes it, I will draw up a report.
Achille
Meanwhile, there’s no mistake about it: he’s either a criminal or a madman, perhaps both. In any case, he’s a dangerous person who must absolutely be locked up.
The Sergeant
That’s quite clear. We’ll get rid of him for you. (To thePoliceman.) Rabutteau!
Policeman
Yes, Sergeant.
The Sergeant
The handcuffs.
Gustave
Sergeant, it was very good of you and your mate to come round. Before leaving us, you must do us the pleasure of taking a glass of something with us.
The Sergeant
We won’t say no to that, eh, Rabutteau?Especially as the prisoner looks like a tough customer.
Gustave
Joseph, bring a bottle and some glasses. (ExitJoseph.) We will all drink to my aunt’s recovery.
The Sergeant
It’ll do us no harm in this weather.
Gustave
Is it still raining?
The Sergeant
In torrents. I’ve only come the length of the street; look at my cape.
Policeman
You can’t tell if it’s raining or snowing, but it’s worse than either.
(EnterJosephwith a tray filled with glasses, which he hands round.)
The Sergeant
(Raising his glass.) Ladies and gentlemen, your very good health!
Gustave
(Touching glasses with theSergeant.) Sergeant, your health! (They all touch glasses with theSergeant.) Have another?
The Sergeant
I don’t mind. (Smacking his lips.) That’s good wine, that is!
Saint Anthony
I’m thirsty. I should like a glass of water.
The Sergeant
(Grinning.) A glass of water! D’ye hear him? You shall have some water, my lad; you wait till we’re outside; it’ll come pouring into your mouth.... Come, we’ve hung around long enough.... Rabutteau, the handcuffs; and you, put out your hands....
Saint Anthony
But I haven’t....
The Sergeant
What! Resistance and protests!That’s the last straw! They’re all alike! (A ring at the front-door.)
Gustave
A ring at the bell! (Josephgoes to the front-door.) What’s the time? Perhaps it’s the first guests.
Achille
Hardly. It’s not three yet. (Enter theCommissary of Police.) Hallo, it’s Monsieur Mitrou, the Commissary of Police!
The Commissary
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. I heard... (Catching sight ofSaint Anthony.) Why, I thought as much: it’s Saint Anthony himself, the great Saint Anthony of Padua!...
Gustave
You know him, then?
The Commissary
Know him? I should think I did know him! It’s the third time that he’s escaped.... You know, he’s a little.... (He taps his forehead with his finger.) And at each escape he does the same tricks: he cures the sick, heals cripples, practises medicine without a license—in short, commits a number of illegal actions.... (Goes up toSaint Anthonyand examines him more attentively.) Yes, it’s he.... Or at least.... But he has changed a good deal since his last escapade.... Anyway, if it’s not he, it must be his brother.... There’s something that’s not quite clear to me. We’ll look into it at the police-station. Comealong, I’m in a hurry; come along, lads, quick, to the station, to the station!
Gustave
Better let him out this way, through the garden; it’ll attract less notice. (Josephopens the garden door, admitting a whirl of rain, sleet and wind.)
Achille
Brrr, what weather! It’s raining, snowing, hailing! (They pushSaint Anthonyto the door.)
Virginie
(Running up.) But, sir, the poor man!... Look, he’s bare-footed!
Gustave
Well, what of it? Do you want us to send for a carriage? Or a shrine, perhaps?
Virginie
No, I’ll lend him my sabots. Take them, Saint Anthony; I have another pair.
Saint Anthony
(Putting on the sabots.) Thank you. (His halo lights up.)
Virginie
And are you putting nothing on your head? You’ll catch cold.
Saint Anthony
I haven’t anything.
Virginie
Take my little shawl. I’ll run and fetch you my umbrella. (She hurries out.)
Achille
The old fool.
Gustave
This is all very well, but meanwhile we’re standing in the devil of a draught.... Come, take him to the station and let’s have an end of this.
Virginie
(Returning with an enormous umbrella, which she offers toSaint Anthony.) Here’s my umbrella.
Saint Anthony
(Showing his hands.) They’ve fastened my hands.
Virginie
I’ll hold it for you. (Standing on the threshold, she opens the umbrella to shelterSaint Anthony, who goes out between the twoPolicemen, followed by theCommissary. TheSaint’shalo shines under the umbrella; and the group moves away over the snow in the garden.)
Gustave
(Closing the door.) At last!
Achille
A good riddance to bad rubbish!
Gustave
(Going to the bed.) Well, aunt?
Achille
What’s the matter with her? She’s sinking, she’s falling back on the bed!
The Doctor
(Hurrying forward.) I don’t know.... I’m afraid....
Gustave
(Leaning over the bed.) Aunt, aunt!... Well?
The Doctor
This time she is really dead. I told you so.
Gustave
Impossible!
Achille
But, doctor, look here! Is there nothing to be done?
The Doctor
Nothing at all, I fear.
(A pause during which all gather round the bed.)
Gustave
(The first to recover his self-possession.) What a day!...
Achille
Hark to the storm!...
Gustave
After all, we were a little unkind to the poor beggar. If you come to think of it, he really did us no harm!
Curtain