[265]It would seem that children who have never known their parents or any normal parent substitutes, such as those who are brought up entirely in orphanages and other institutions, nevertheless do actually find corresponding objects on to whom their parent-regarding tendencies can be directed; if not in reality, at least in imagination—imagination that tends to find a real equivalent as soon as a suitable object presents itself. This is amusingly and instructively illustrated in Jean Webster's recently successful book and play "Daddy Long Legs".[266]It is scarcely necessary to point out the Neo-Malthusian bearings of these considerations. They add one more argument to the many that already exist in favour of the practice of birth-control, which is now adopted by the more cultured classes of nearly all civilised communities—a practice the ethical justifications of which are becoming constantly more manifest.On the other hand, the desirability of a limitation of the size of the family must not of course blind us to the fact that a very small family, especially one where there is an only child, will often have certain difficulties of its own, from which larger families may be relatively free. There can be very little doubt that, in the case of the only child, the emancipation of the individual from the family influences may frequently present more than the usual amount of difficulty: where this is so, the tendencies towards emancipation will need a correspondingly greater amount of assistance and encouragement.[267]Hence the desirability, which has repeatedly been urged by psycho-analytic writers, of the sleeping room of the child being separate from that of the parents, even at a very early age.[268]Cp.from the psycho-analytic point of view: Freud, "Zur sexuellen Aufklärung der Kinder" and "Über infantile Sexualtheorien", Sammlung kleiner Schriften zur Neurosenlehre, II, 151, 159. Jung, "Collected Papers on Psycho-Analysis", 132, ff.[269]The dangers and difficulties which we have here in view are, it is almost needless to say, in most cases more liable to beset the mother (with her more intensive preoccupation with the children in their early years) than the father (who is usually less intimately and continuously in contact with them).[270]As regards the actual steps which should be taken to secure this gradual emancipation of the growing individual from the influence and control of his family and parents, it is perhaps superfluous (and in any case inappropriate in a book of this scope) to enter fully into details here. It will be sufficient to indicate a few very obvious directions in which the general principles here referred to may find application. Thus, it is clear that children should from early years have opportunity of acquiring experience in the use of money, having at first small sums at their disposal, with larger amounts as they advance in age. They should also have experience—at first perhaps occasionally and then regularly—in purchasing their own clothes, books, writing materials and other personal requirements. The ability to travel alone, to find one's way in strange places and to mix with unknown people is also one that should be acquired early, leading, as it tends to do, to the development of resourcefulness in dealing with new situations and with varieties of human character. In view of modern educational movements, it is perhaps hardly necessary to point out in this connection the desirability of considerable (and eventually of complete) freedom in the choice of studies, of occupations and of career. The need for toleration in religious and political matters is also nowadays one that is becoming recognised.On the other hand, it is perhaps necessary to emphasise the advantages to be derived from the formation, by each individual member of the family, of his own friendships and companionships as distinct from those which are, so to speak, found for him by his family. Thus, it is far from desirable that members of the same family should always accompany one another to social gatherings, places of entertainment or instruction, or on visits to friends. On the contrary, they will often benefit by being freed from each other's society on these occasions, and no restraints should, as a rule, be placed upon habits of independent occupation or enjoyment or upon choice of associates. Nor should the individual members of the family be expected on every occasion to render a detailed account of all their activities outside the family circle, nor to confine these activities rigorously to certain days or hours. Much family friction can often be avoided by the simple process of bestowing a latchkey! As regards extreme cases, moreover, it should be realised that wherever there is unusual difficulty in the relations between an individual and the other members of his family, a removal from the family environment is the surest, perhaps the only, method of avoiding disaster.Above all it is necessary, throughout the process of development and education, to aim at the attainment of a due measure of self-respect and self-reliance, avoiding the pitfalls of too great self-satisfaction on the one hand and an unreasonable sense of inferiority on the other. It is here, more than elsewhere, that considerable differentiation in the treatment of individuals is required. Those who are inclined to be too well pleased with themselves will usually benefit by a somewhat rougher treatment, and will need to have their deficiencies brought home to them. Those who lack self-confidence, or who have an unduly low estimate of their attainments or capacities, will need encouragement and reassurance. In the former case some very appreciable degree of parental authority may be called for, in the latter any treatment savouring of harshness is for the most part tragically out of place.
[265]It would seem that children who have never known their parents or any normal parent substitutes, such as those who are brought up entirely in orphanages and other institutions, nevertheless do actually find corresponding objects on to whom their parent-regarding tendencies can be directed; if not in reality, at least in imagination—imagination that tends to find a real equivalent as soon as a suitable object presents itself. This is amusingly and instructively illustrated in Jean Webster's recently successful book and play "Daddy Long Legs".
[265]It would seem that children who have never known their parents or any normal parent substitutes, such as those who are brought up entirely in orphanages and other institutions, nevertheless do actually find corresponding objects on to whom their parent-regarding tendencies can be directed; if not in reality, at least in imagination—imagination that tends to find a real equivalent as soon as a suitable object presents itself. This is amusingly and instructively illustrated in Jean Webster's recently successful book and play "Daddy Long Legs".
[266]It is scarcely necessary to point out the Neo-Malthusian bearings of these considerations. They add one more argument to the many that already exist in favour of the practice of birth-control, which is now adopted by the more cultured classes of nearly all civilised communities—a practice the ethical justifications of which are becoming constantly more manifest.On the other hand, the desirability of a limitation of the size of the family must not of course blind us to the fact that a very small family, especially one where there is an only child, will often have certain difficulties of its own, from which larger families may be relatively free. There can be very little doubt that, in the case of the only child, the emancipation of the individual from the family influences may frequently present more than the usual amount of difficulty: where this is so, the tendencies towards emancipation will need a correspondingly greater amount of assistance and encouragement.
[266]It is scarcely necessary to point out the Neo-Malthusian bearings of these considerations. They add one more argument to the many that already exist in favour of the practice of birth-control, which is now adopted by the more cultured classes of nearly all civilised communities—a practice the ethical justifications of which are becoming constantly more manifest.
On the other hand, the desirability of a limitation of the size of the family must not of course blind us to the fact that a very small family, especially one where there is an only child, will often have certain difficulties of its own, from which larger families may be relatively free. There can be very little doubt that, in the case of the only child, the emancipation of the individual from the family influences may frequently present more than the usual amount of difficulty: where this is so, the tendencies towards emancipation will need a correspondingly greater amount of assistance and encouragement.
[267]Hence the desirability, which has repeatedly been urged by psycho-analytic writers, of the sleeping room of the child being separate from that of the parents, even at a very early age.
[267]Hence the desirability, which has repeatedly been urged by psycho-analytic writers, of the sleeping room of the child being separate from that of the parents, even at a very early age.
[268]Cp.from the psycho-analytic point of view: Freud, "Zur sexuellen Aufklärung der Kinder" and "Über infantile Sexualtheorien", Sammlung kleiner Schriften zur Neurosenlehre, II, 151, 159. Jung, "Collected Papers on Psycho-Analysis", 132, ff.
[268]Cp.from the psycho-analytic point of view: Freud, "Zur sexuellen Aufklärung der Kinder" and "Über infantile Sexualtheorien", Sammlung kleiner Schriften zur Neurosenlehre, II, 151, 159. Jung, "Collected Papers on Psycho-Analysis", 132, ff.
[269]The dangers and difficulties which we have here in view are, it is almost needless to say, in most cases more liable to beset the mother (with her more intensive preoccupation with the children in their early years) than the father (who is usually less intimately and continuously in contact with them).
[269]The dangers and difficulties which we have here in view are, it is almost needless to say, in most cases more liable to beset the mother (with her more intensive preoccupation with the children in their early years) than the father (who is usually less intimately and continuously in contact with them).
[270]As regards the actual steps which should be taken to secure this gradual emancipation of the growing individual from the influence and control of his family and parents, it is perhaps superfluous (and in any case inappropriate in a book of this scope) to enter fully into details here. It will be sufficient to indicate a few very obvious directions in which the general principles here referred to may find application. Thus, it is clear that children should from early years have opportunity of acquiring experience in the use of money, having at first small sums at their disposal, with larger amounts as they advance in age. They should also have experience—at first perhaps occasionally and then regularly—in purchasing their own clothes, books, writing materials and other personal requirements. The ability to travel alone, to find one's way in strange places and to mix with unknown people is also one that should be acquired early, leading, as it tends to do, to the development of resourcefulness in dealing with new situations and with varieties of human character. In view of modern educational movements, it is perhaps hardly necessary to point out in this connection the desirability of considerable (and eventually of complete) freedom in the choice of studies, of occupations and of career. The need for toleration in religious and political matters is also nowadays one that is becoming recognised.On the other hand, it is perhaps necessary to emphasise the advantages to be derived from the formation, by each individual member of the family, of his own friendships and companionships as distinct from those which are, so to speak, found for him by his family. Thus, it is far from desirable that members of the same family should always accompany one another to social gatherings, places of entertainment or instruction, or on visits to friends. On the contrary, they will often benefit by being freed from each other's society on these occasions, and no restraints should, as a rule, be placed upon habits of independent occupation or enjoyment or upon choice of associates. Nor should the individual members of the family be expected on every occasion to render a detailed account of all their activities outside the family circle, nor to confine these activities rigorously to certain days or hours. Much family friction can often be avoided by the simple process of bestowing a latchkey! As regards extreme cases, moreover, it should be realised that wherever there is unusual difficulty in the relations between an individual and the other members of his family, a removal from the family environment is the surest, perhaps the only, method of avoiding disaster.Above all it is necessary, throughout the process of development and education, to aim at the attainment of a due measure of self-respect and self-reliance, avoiding the pitfalls of too great self-satisfaction on the one hand and an unreasonable sense of inferiority on the other. It is here, more than elsewhere, that considerable differentiation in the treatment of individuals is required. Those who are inclined to be too well pleased with themselves will usually benefit by a somewhat rougher treatment, and will need to have their deficiencies brought home to them. Those who lack self-confidence, or who have an unduly low estimate of their attainments or capacities, will need encouragement and reassurance. In the former case some very appreciable degree of parental authority may be called for, in the latter any treatment savouring of harshness is for the most part tragically out of place.
[270]As regards the actual steps which should be taken to secure this gradual emancipation of the growing individual from the influence and control of his family and parents, it is perhaps superfluous (and in any case inappropriate in a book of this scope) to enter fully into details here. It will be sufficient to indicate a few very obvious directions in which the general principles here referred to may find application. Thus, it is clear that children should from early years have opportunity of acquiring experience in the use of money, having at first small sums at their disposal, with larger amounts as they advance in age. They should also have experience—at first perhaps occasionally and then regularly—in purchasing their own clothes, books, writing materials and other personal requirements. The ability to travel alone, to find one's way in strange places and to mix with unknown people is also one that should be acquired early, leading, as it tends to do, to the development of resourcefulness in dealing with new situations and with varieties of human character. In view of modern educational movements, it is perhaps hardly necessary to point out in this connection the desirability of considerable (and eventually of complete) freedom in the choice of studies, of occupations and of career. The need for toleration in religious and political matters is also nowadays one that is becoming recognised.
On the other hand, it is perhaps necessary to emphasise the advantages to be derived from the formation, by each individual member of the family, of his own friendships and companionships as distinct from those which are, so to speak, found for him by his family. Thus, it is far from desirable that members of the same family should always accompany one another to social gatherings, places of entertainment or instruction, or on visits to friends. On the contrary, they will often benefit by being freed from each other's society on these occasions, and no restraints should, as a rule, be placed upon habits of independent occupation or enjoyment or upon choice of associates. Nor should the individual members of the family be expected on every occasion to render a detailed account of all their activities outside the family circle, nor to confine these activities rigorously to certain days or hours. Much family friction can often be avoided by the simple process of bestowing a latchkey! As regards extreme cases, moreover, it should be realised that wherever there is unusual difficulty in the relations between an individual and the other members of his family, a removal from the family environment is the surest, perhaps the only, method of avoiding disaster.
Above all it is necessary, throughout the process of development and education, to aim at the attainment of a due measure of self-respect and self-reliance, avoiding the pitfalls of too great self-satisfaction on the one hand and an unreasonable sense of inferiority on the other. It is here, more than elsewhere, that considerable differentiation in the treatment of individuals is required. Those who are inclined to be too well pleased with themselves will usually benefit by a somewhat rougher treatment, and will need to have their deficiencies brought home to them. Those who lack self-confidence, or who have an unduly low estimate of their attainments or capacities, will need encouragement and reassurance. In the former case some very appreciable degree of parental authority may be called for, in the latter any treatment savouring of harshness is for the most part tragically out of place.