My Friend Zahn
I am a very ordinary person with some rather remarkable acquaintances. It is my purpose to give here some account of these men and women—for they are of both sexes—and incidentally to describe some of the remarkable discoveries they have made.
It was my good fortune to become well acquainted with several of these personages—for they are remarkable enough to be so called—while I was a student in a mid-western college for both sexes. Being a man of sufficient means and a bachelor with a taste for scientific studies, I have had leisure to attend many scientific conventions; and here I have been able to make the acquaintance of many other persons of brain power and industry sufficient to lead them to eminence. I flatter myself that I have, by reason of an agreeable personality, obtained an unusual knowledge of the work they have accomplished. I will admit that some of these men and women have a very limited supply of polished manners, and one or two are almost without any of the qualifications necessary in a member of polite society.—But this will develop as the story progresses.
I first met Samuel Zahn as a fellow freshman. His was a most engaging personality, for he is kind, witty and brainy. He took the lead in the class from the firstday in college and was the most popular member. Needless to say he was at once chosen President of the class, and President he remains to this day. He is over six feet tall, with large limbs and a big head; since leaving college he has gained weight and improved in appearance. I visited him at his home in a large western city five years ago and we spent several days together, talking far into the nights; and during this time he had much to say about various phases of his work in biology, of which he is an enthusiastic student.
“Why is it Brown,” he enquired, “that all living beings must grow old and die? This is true of all plants and all animals. There must be some chemical reason for this universal fact.
“Before following out my line of reasoning, Brown, perhaps I should first recall your attention to the method of scientific discovery. We are accustomed, as you are aware, when traveling into new ground to form first an hypothesis as an explanation of the facts known to us. Beginning with this hypothesis, we first reason out the consequences which must follow if the hypothesis should be the real explanation. We then proceed to test these consequences by experiment. We then reason out other necessary consequences of the hypothesis and proceed further with our tests. If the results of our tests confirmthe hypothesis it presently becomes a theory and in course of time a law.
“I have formed a great many hypotheses to account for the ageing of plants and animals, but under the test of experiment these have all broken down one after another. Recently, however, it occurred to me that perhaps the ageing might be due to the formation of resinous substances in the tissues by the combination of two substances one contained in the food the other in the tissues. You will remember that the insoluble resin, bakelite, is formed by the union of an aldehyde and a phenol under suitable temperature conditions. If, now, the aldehyde like body formed part of the tissue, and the phenol were contained in the food and passed unchanged into the circulation, we should have slow combination and the formation of hard material—perhaps also material in the form of fibers and therefore flexible—within the tissues, which would cause them to harden and stiffen, inducing the other changes we ascribe to old age.
“If now these phenol bodies are contained in the plant and animal juices constituting our foods they must be contained in those that are short lived in largest amount, and it should be possible to bring on old age much more rapidly by feeding short lived plants. For this purpose I used first oat straw, but I found this did not produce the desired effect. On further consideration it seemedunlikely that it should: for the ripe, and therefore dead, straw would contain only the resin and neither aldehyde nor phenol. I therefore used green oat straw and found that this brought on old age rapidly when fed to dairy cows with no other food. I then tried various additions to the green oat straw with the object of finding some substance capable of uniting with and destroying the phenol. This I have at last succeeded in finding; and I am now in possession of a reagent which will so far destroy any of these phenols contained in food, that old age is indefinitely arrested. This as you will see places a dreadful responsibility in my hands. This is not the Secret of Perpetual Youth exactly, for I cannot so far restore youth to the aged—I can only arrest decay. By feeding this antidote to a baby it may remain a baby forever. Or it may be allowed to reach any desired age and then forced to cease developing indefinitely. I will confess to you that I feel dismayed by this heavy responsibility. What do you think I should do? What is my duty?”
“This is such an extraordinary story, Zahn,” I replied, “that I think, in fairness, you should first give some proof that you are not in error in thinking your discovery a real one; and since considerable time must necessarily pass before any satisfactory demonstration ofthis kind can be made perhaps we had better not further discuss the matter at present.”
“Spoken with your usual clearheadedness,” he rejoined. “I must confess, however to a certain amount of disappointment in your lack of faith in accepting my conclusions.”
To this I made no rejoinder, thinking that the less the subject was discussed the better.
He then informed me that he had invited two friends to lunch with us. “I am much interested in them,” he said, “because I believe they are much interested in each other. They are very interesting people, and I want you to know them.”
Shortly before one they arrived. The man was approximately about fifty years of age and rather above the medium height; he was well-built and walked like a soldier. His hair was only slightly gray; his nose was straight and well-formed. There was about him a certain air of gentility, and his manner was pleasant and courteous. The lady was at least twenty years younger. She was the most beautiful creature I had ever met, and her manner was alert and full of charm. They came in together, and there was no possibility of doubting their interest in each other. But they were both so genuinely interested in their host and in me that this mutual understanding seemed pleasant to both of us. He was introducedas John Valient, a successful lawyer and she as Helen Henderson.
At table we were waited on by Mrs. Frains, Sam’s housekeeper, a dear, motherly old lady with white hair, kind eyes and a fair complexion. Sam introduced her to us, and treated her as in every way an equal. Miss Henderson sat at his right, Valient at his left and I opposite.
During the meal Sam informed us that he had recently given some attention to nutrition and had come to the conclusion that condiments played a much more important rôle than had hitherto been assigned to them. He had studied these therefore with some attention and had compounded one which he thought we would find very agreeable. He proceeded to extract a bottle from a near by closet; from a medicine dropper inserted through the cork he dropped a single drop upon our fish.
“It is very strong,” he remarked, “and more than a single drop would be too much. If you wish I will give a bottle of it to each one of you provided you will promise to use a single drop at each meal until it is all used. According to my calculations this will take a little over nine years, for there are 500 cubic centimeters in the bottle and each cubic centimeter is equal to twenty drops.”
After eating the fish, which was delicious, we readily promised and received each a bottle. I may remark here that I became very fond of the relish, and now, after the lapse of five years, the bottle is nearly half full, thus showing how accurate were his calculations.
“I wish,” said Miss Henderson to Zahn, “that you would tell Mr. Brown about your agricultural catalysts. I think this a very entertaining story.”
“Why certainly,” he replied, “I shall be delighted.”
“You must know, Brown,” he said, addressing me, “that there are a large number of chemical substances which are called catalysts. I can best illustrate what this means by giving two examples. If potassium chlorate be heated it melts and begins to give off bubbles of oxygen gas. If, however, we first pulverize the chlorate and add to it a mere pinch of very finely powdered manganese dioxid and mix the two very thoroughly and then heat the mixture, oxygen will again come off but at so low a temperature that the chlorate does not even melt, and much more rapidly.
“In the manufacture of ‘Crisco’ and other lard substitutes from liquid oils by pumping hydrogen through the oil in closed vessels, so long as only these two substances are present no combination takes place and the pressure increases. But if a small amount of finely dividednickel be added combination at once begins, the melting point of the oil rises and the pressure falls.
“We once supposed that many chemical substances found in minute amount in the ashes of plants were not of importance, but it has lately been asserted that this is not true and that manganese in particular plays an important part in plant economy, acting as a catalyst. I have verified this fact and have proceeded to examine the action of different manganese compounds in order to determine which is most active. The acetate functions well, the hydrosol better but colloidal manganese is by far the best. In any considerable amount this acts as a violent poison but in homeopathic doses it functions as a vigorous stimulant. Using this reagent as a hypodermic I have obtained astonishing results. I have one stalk of Indian corn on my farm treated in this way which measures forty feet in height and has seven ears, each over a foot long and perfectly set, with grains well on toward ripeness. Watermelons the size of hogsheads are readily produced and we have canteloupes, cucumbers and tomatoes as large as nail kegs. I have used the kohl rabi for several years as a source of winter forage for my cattle, slicing them before feeding. Treated in this way heads as large as barrels are readily grown, as much as forty tons per acre being an ordinary yield. I have in consequence been able to quadruple the size of my herdwithout devoting more acreage to the growing of forage. I have not entirely succeeded in increasing the oat and wheat crop because of the difficulties in the way of successful wholesale hypodermic injection. I have made a somewhat promising beginning, however, by successfully inoculating chrysanthemum with the aid of the aphis which preys on them. You know that this aphis punctures the outer cuticle with his proboscis and drinks the sap. Acting on this knowledge I have first sprayed the aphis with a dilute colloidal manganese and dried them rapidly with a current of warm air. The colloid adheres to the outside of their beaks and gently stimulates. When the beak is inserted the plant at once is inoculated. The aphis is then destroyed by the application of whale oil soap or other appropriate insecticide and the plant develops to an enormous size producing blossoms as large as a lady’s summer straw hat. They are indeed marvelous.
“I have also begun some experiments upon animals but the effect here seems to be even more poisonous. Another idea has, however, occurred to me which gives promise of a very great success. You know that caffein is a mild stimulant to the human race, and acting on this lead I have tried a number of stimulants, winding up with virulent poisons. One of these containing arsenic combined with strychnine, cocaine and selenium has beeninjected into calves from my herd which are now, at six weeks, as large as their mothers. Unfortunately this growth has been accompanied by the development of a disagreeable odor which makes them unpleasant neighbors. I fear I shall be forced to find a substitute for the selenium in order to avoid this but I have no doubt of final success.”
During this recital any conversation had become impossible; in fact we were reduced to a state of coma and walked from the table like well-trained somnambulists without uttering a word.
In the evening I accompanied Zahn to a lecture he was to deliver before the Society of Facultative Anaerobists. It appeared that these people had associated themselves for the purpose of further studying those organisms which develop either in an atmosphere of oxygen or of one devoid of it. In the latter case they decompose some substance contained in the solution and assimilate the oxygen it contains. The lecture was to be delivered at the society headquarters over a grocery store. The entrance was on a side street in the rear. There was a light over the entrance and the hall was gained by mounting a steep pair of stairs. We found the assembledanaerobists busily at work under the chairmanship of a lanky individual in corduroy trousers. Upon our entrance the proceedings were at once suspended to allow the lectureto proceed. Zahn was escorted to the platform with much deference and began as follows:
“Fellow Truthseekers:—It is with some hesitation that I venture to appear before you to make my small contribution to your proceedings. I am well aware of the labors of some members of this illustrious society, and feel considerable diffidence in appearing before you. I shall confine my remarks to two themes: The first will be a contribution to the technology of inoculation. I have had considerable experience of the difficulty and danger of inoculating savage animals, and the first part of my paper merely describes the technique which I have found successful in such cases. I have here an inconspicuous gun which enables us to effect inoculation at a distance and with ease and certainty. The projectile consists of a hollow needle with two sheet metal flanges surrounding it acting like a piston in the cylinder of the gun. The inoculating liquid is sucked into the needle by its capillarity. On inserting a metal sphere filled with liquefied carbon dioxid into this cylinder and pressing this trigger, a needle penetrates the capsule, liberates the carbon dioxid, which instantly is converted into gas and drives the projectile from the gun. The needle has sufficient force to penetrate the skin until the first of the flanges is reached. This instantly stops it and the shock forces the liquid into the wound. The outside of the needle shouldfirst be coated with an antiseptic to prevent the entrance of skin bacteria.”
This contribution was greeted with great applause and the gun was seized by a female with a black eye which she declared had been due to the hoof of a mule—fortunately unshod. After the confusion had partly subsided the chairman rapped for order and Zahn proceeded to read his second paper:
“You are of course aware,” he began, “that during the world war the supply of glycerin became insufficient and that it was discovered that the addition of some sodium sulfite to a sugar solution which was seeded with the yeast plant altered the direction of the fermentation and caused the formation of large amounts of glycerin—sometimes as much as 30 per cent of the product. No careful study of the effect of this addition upon the yeast plant itself seems to have been made. I have now taken up this study and have reached some startling conclusions. Such organisms so produced seem to have lost many of their original characteristics. Ordinarysaccharomyces cerevisae, for example, grown under these abnormal conditions will no longer produce normal yeast fermentation. The progeny of the original cells break, and we have the same sort of variation that is ordinarily obtained in raising plants from seed. By varying the nature of the disturbing substance; that is by replacingthe sodium sulfite by other reagents, I have succeeded in producing still other modifications which have interesting properties economically important.
“On this slide, which we will now project by the lantern, we have a photograph of an organism capable of turning waste molasses into ethyl chloride which is much used as a local anaesthetic and may be used instead of ether. It is necessary to add sufficient salt to the solution to supply the chlorin and the sodium remains behind as sodium carbonate supplying that necessary product of the chemical industry at a price defying competition.
“Here we have the photograph of another modified organism capable of absorbing carbon dioxid from mixed gases containing it and building up starch in sunlight much after the manner of chlorophyl in the plant. The synthetic starch so produced differs in no particular from that found in plants and is obtained in large amount very cheaply from the waste gases given off by our stoves and furnaces. The supply of such material is very large and the starchy food that in this way may become available destroys at once all possibility of future famine and all necessity of raising wheat, oats, barley, potatoes or other starchy foods. I hope before long to be able to announce the discovery of other forms able to produce albumen and other proteids directly from the atmosphericnitrogen, so as to solve for all time the possibility of future starvation.”
This paper was greeted by cheering and immense enthusiasm. The chairman in proposing a vote of thanks said that the society had now amply justified the hopes of its founders and that this would long be marked as a red letter day in its history.
I walked home with Zahn tired with so many wonders. The next morning I overslept and was late for my train so that there was no opportunity for any further conversation. I have not seen my host since that time until last week. I then made a singular and most distressing discovery.
I had noticed that most of my shirts were frayed at the wristbands. I needed some new shirts and proceeded to select them. Judge my surprise when I discovered that my old friend Zahn was waiting on me! I of course accosted him by name, only to be met by a blank stareand a firm denial of acquaintance. He assured me that his name was Smith and that he knew no one by the name of Zahn. I asked for the proprietor of the store and told him my story only to be greeted by an incredulous stare. The proprietor assured me that Smith came to the store under that name with fine recommendations from previous employers, and that they had no doubt whateverthat he was as represented. I can only suppose that Zahn had lost his mind through overstudy and with it his memory. I have noticed that neither I myself nor either of the other participants in that famous lunch, now five years ago, appears a day older, and I am dreading the exhaustion of my bottle and the slow onset of old age.