Getting Ready.Characters.Nicholas Neverslip,a modern husband.Patrick Dolan,an Irish lad.Matilda,Neverslip’s wife.Miss Spyall,a gossip.Biddy Crogan,a domestic.Scene:—A drawing room. Time, evening. Table and two chairs, C. Nicholas discovered standing near L. E. with cane and gloves in his hands: he calls to his wife, who is supposed to be up stairs dressing for the opera.Nicholas.—My dear, it is half-past seven; do hurry; I am sure we will be late.Matilda.—I am coming—be with you in one minute. Has Biddy fastened the back gate?Nicholas(aside).—I know we’ll be late (calls), Biddy! (crosses to R. E.)Biddy.—I’m here, sur. [Enter Biddy R. E.] What do you want wid me, sur?Nicholas.—Biddy, is the back gate fastened?Biddy.—I’ll see, sur, (turns to go).Nicholas.—Biddy!Biddy.—Sur!Nicholas.—Biddy, I am going to the opera; that is, we are, Mrs. Neverslip and myself.Matilda(calls).—Nicholas!Nicholas.—Well, what’s the matter?Matilda.—Where did you lay my fan?Nicholas.—I never touched your fan. (looks at his watch.) It is twenty minutes to eight; I declare we will be late.Biddy(aside).—I wonder if he manes to keep me shtandin’ here all night?Nicholas(to Matilda).—I am going!Matilda.—Here I come.Nicholas.—It is time you were coming.Matilda.—Oh, dear!Nicholas.—What’s the matter?Matilda.—Oh, you’ve hurried me so that I’ve gone and dressed without my fichu; I can never go without it.Nicholas(aside).—Confound her fish-hook. (aloud) Snails and turtles! are you never coming?Biddy(aside).—I’m nather a gate post nur a clothes prop. (aloud) Mr. Neverslip, I’ll be goin’ to the kitchen; I lift the banes on the sthove; I think they’re burnin’. [Exit Biddy R. E.]Nicholas.—For mercy sake do come.Matilda(singing).—I am coming, darling, coming——Nicholas.—How provokingly cool you are.[Enter Matilda L. E.]Matilda.—Now, my dear, we’ll be off. [Both start toward L. E.] Why, where’s your hat?Nicholas(feels his head).—Good gracious! It is up stairs—Matilda, dear, will you get it for me?Matilda.—You cruel man——(knock heard from without.)Both.—Horrors! Some one at the door!Nicholas.—Biddy!Biddy.—Ay, sur![Enter Biddy R. E.]Nicholas.—Biddy, we’re out.Biddy.—Yer what?Nicholas.—We’re out; that is, we soon will be. We do not wish to see anyone—you comprehend?Biddy(angrily).—Don’t want to see anyone I comprehend! Sur, I’m an honest Irish girl, and I niver comprehended anybody. (arms akimbo) Niver![Prolonged knock at the door.]Nicholas.—Go to the door and say we’re out!Biddy(aside).—The man is surely out of his head.[Exit Biddy L. E.]Matilda.—Oh my! we’ll never get off.Nicholas.—My dear it’s all your own fault.Matilda(puts handkerchief to eyes).—Dear, dear! Nicholas. Hark!Miss Spyall(from without).—Take this card to——Biddy(from without).—They’re out, mum.Miss Spyall.—Then I’ll just step in a moment and write a line or two.Biddy.—But they’re out!Matilda.—Oh grief! It is that awful Spyall; good-bye opera to-night.Nicholas.—We might as well give up now.[Enter Biddy L. E. walking backward followed by Miss Spyall.]Miss Spyall(aside).—Out of the street; ah! I understand! (Extends hands to Nicholas and Matilda)—(aloud) How delighted I am to see you! What! going out?Biddy.—Yis, out; they’re out—outward bound, I forgot part of the wurruds.Nicholas.—Silence, Bridget!Matilda.—We need you no longer, Biddy.Biddy.—Indade, ye’ll give me two wakes’ notice. I’ll not lave now.Matilda.—I mean we do not need you here. You may go to the kitchen. Oh, bother! My hair is coming down. Biddy get me a hair-pin, quick![Exit Biddy R. E.]Miss Spyall.—What a beautiful dress; is it all silk?Nicholas.—Part muslin, Miss.Matilda.—Nicholas, you shock me.Nicholas(Pulls out watch and starts to go).—Oh, oh, oh!Miss Spyall.—Going to church?Nicholas.—No, not to church.Miss Spyall.—Oh, I see; the museum.Nicholas.—We have an engagement.Miss Spyall.—A wedding? That’s it! I know. Who is it? Do tell me if it is Nancy Beadle? I thought she and John——Matilda.—My husband and I are about going down town on important business, it is time we were there now.Miss Spyall.—Anything important? You know I can be trusted.Nicholas.—Gone! gone! gone!Miss Spyall.—Hey?Matilda.—Miss Spyall, you will please excuse me this evening, we must go at once.[Enter Biddy R. E. with, clothes-pins in each hand.]Nicholas(pointing to watch).—We’ve lost our seats. (Matilda and Miss Spyall take seats.)Biddy(to Nicholas).—Niver moind me; still, I’ll bring two chairs from the dining-room if ye insist. (To Matilda) Here’s the puns, mum.Matilda.—Stupid girl, these are clothes-pins.Miss Spyall.—What a silly creature.Biddy(aside).—The spalpeen!Nicholas.—Excuse me. I must get my hat.[Exit L. E.]Matilda.—Oh, he’s a darling man!Miss Spyall.—Spe-len-did!(A crash heard.)Matilda.—What have you done?Nicholas(groans).—Broken my shins, smashed my hat and upset your toilet stand!Matilda.—You wretch-edly unfortunate man.[Enter Nicholas L. E. limping with smashed hat in hand.]Miss Spyall.—I must be going.Matilda.—We are going to the opera.Nicholas.—To hear the final chorus.Miss Spyall.—How delightful!Matilda.—Biddy, keep a sharp look out.[Exit all except Biddy L. E.]Biddy.—Yis, I’ll kape a sharp look out. I’ll first take a look at the back gate. Poor Pat’s been waitin’ at that same gate for a whole hour; faith he’s stharved wid the cold (starts and listens) Arrah, what’s that? Sure some one’s in the kitchen. I hear a brogan on the stairs—the saints protect me. [Enter Pat R. E., looking around cautiously.] Oh, Pat Dolan! How dare ye frighten me loike that? How did ye enter the house?—What if the folks had been in?Pat.—Whist, me darlin’; I saw them lave by the front door, and in the wink of an eye, its meself that lepped over the fince; I thried the back door, it was unlatched, and here I am, Biddy dear!Biddy.—Niver do the loikes of that again. You might be shot for a burglar or a dynamiter.Pat.(sitting at table).—Niver fear, Biddy dear; go ye and bring a crust of bread and sup of—of something stronger than tay, if yer have it; sure I’ve room here for a loaf, and I’m thrimblin’ wid wakeness——Biddy.—I’ll see what’s lift in the pantry. Be aisy till I come back. (Starts to go.)Pat.—Biddy!Biddy.—What, darlint? (Pauses.)Pat.—Do ye hear anything?Biddy.—Its the Niverslips! Run for your life!Pat.—Be aisy; it’s me poor heart beatin’; and nothin’ more. It always bates whin I see that face.Biddy(Looks over her shoulder).—What face? I see no face!Pat.—Don’t be a greenhorn. I mane your own lovely countenance.Biddy.—Oh, ye blarney![Exit R. E.]Pat.(Rises from chair and walks up and down the stage).—Humph! this is a very foine house. It lacks the comforts of a home, howiver, for there’s not the sign of a pipe or a ’bacca bowl about the room. They’re evidently mane people.[Enter Biddy R. E. carrying tray, on which are loaf of bread, a knife, a black bottle and two glasses.]Look at that now! If that isn’t the tip of hospitality my name’s not Patrick Dolan.Biddy(places tray on table).—Now, Pat, ye must not thrifle over the sup, (fills glass from bottle) but drink it at once. It would niver do to have the folks foind ye here.Pat(takes glass).—Here’s to our wedding day, (drinks) Oh! ah! (jumps to his feet and runs about stage holding his throat) I’m pizened, I’m kilt.Biddy(following him about).—Shpeak, shpeak, me darlint Pat.Pat(gasping and pointing to bottle).—Look—look—look at that! What’s in the bottle?Biddy.—Sure I can’t read. (Hands bottle to Pat.)Pat.—Saint Patrick defind me! (reads) “Pure Jamaica Ginger,” Oh! its atin me up! (Noise heard without.)Biddy.—Hark! (Both listen.)Nicholas(from without).—We should have taken an umbrella; hurry in or we shall be drowned with the rain.Pat(agitated).—Put me away! hide me! cover me up!Biddy.—Run! No—shtop—they’re here! get under the table.Pat(crawls under table).—Bad luck to the rain!Biddy.—Arrah! What shall I do? He’s opening the door wid the noight key. Kape shtill, Pat.Nicholas.—Walk in Miss Spyall; it is only a shower.[Enter Neverslip, Matilda and Miss Spyall L. E.]Miss Spyall(aside).—Refreshments, as I live! (Aloud) I feel real chilly! If I were home I’d have a bowl of hot tea, or something warm.Biddy.—I was thinkin’ mum, that ye might be cold.Matilda.—What’s that, Biddy?Biddy.—I thought ye’d need a warrum drink and a bite, so I’ve the bottle and bread handy for yez. (Points to bottle.)Nicholas(takes bottle).—Jamaica Ginger.Matilda.—The idea! Bread and ginger. Why, Biddy, you are certainly becoming insane.Miss Spyall(aside).—I thought they were too mean to have cake and wine, I thought it was a pound cake. How disappointed and hungry I feel. (Aloud) I wonder if it still rains?Nicholas.—Be seated, ladies. Biddy, go to the door, and see if it has stopped raining.—(Matilda and Miss Spyall take seats at table).I will see if I can find an umbrella for Miss Spyall.[Exit L. E.]Pat.—(Pat’s head rises slowly from behind table).Miss Spyall.—Does Mr. Neverslip smoke much?Matilda.—Never at all. Why do you ask?Miss Spyall.—I thought I detected a strong odor of an old pipe.Pat.—(aside) Ye spalpeen! (Pulls her ear and stoops behind table).Miss Spyall.—Oh! (indignantly).—Don’t do that again. I dislike such familiarity.Matilda(astonished).—Why, what’s the matter with you?Miss Spyall.—I guess if I were to pull your ear you would know how it feels. There! (They turn their backs to each other angrily).(Pat peeps from under table and pulls Matilda’s ear).Matilda(springing to her feet).—You impudent gossip! How dare you? (rubs her ear) If you want exercise, try pedestrianism; I will excuse your presence. (Points to door).Miss Spyall(rising and backing off).—I am shocked beyond expression. (aside) If I only get out—the woman’s surely mad.[Enter Nicholas L. E. with umbrella.]Matilda.—My dear, give Miss Spyall the umbrella; she is surely ill and should get home with all possible speed.Miss Spyall.—Not at all, not at all, sir; it is your insolent wife who needs your attention.Nicholas.—What is the meaning of such singular language? (picks up bottle) You have not been tampering with this?[Enters Biddy R. E. holding shawl in her hands.]Biddy.—Look at me shplendid shawl! An illigant present that oi’ve just received. (unfolds shawl and advances towards rear of table.)Nicholas.—Some other time, Biddy; we are engaged at present.Miss Spyall(aside).—The whole family are certainly crazy.Matilda.—I’m in no humor to look at shawls; I prefer taking a dissolving view of somebody’s back. (looks at Miss Spyall.)Biddy(holds up shawl with both hands).—Pat, get behind the shawl.Pat.—(crawls behind the shawl, screens himself from view, and moves off with Biddy).Biddy.(backing towards the door)—It shows better at a distance, mum.Nicholas.(advancing to Biddy).—This must cease.Biddy.—Don’t come too close; ye’ll shpoil the effect.Matilda.—Take the shawl from her.Nicholas.—Let me have it. (pulls shawl from Biddy, exposing Pat to view).Pat(bowing).—Yez’ll pardon me, but I was always bashful.Nicholas.—Explain yourself, at once!Matilda.—Look after the teaspoons!Miss Spyall(aside).—Here’s a nut to crack! Here’s a scandal.Biddy(crying and holding apron to eyes).—I’ll tell yez the truth. Patsy and meself are engaged to be married, and seein’ as I was to be lift alone in this big barn of a house, an’ bein’ timid, the poor man jist happened in to kape me company for a few minutes.Pat.—What she says is intirely true, your honors; it’s meself that can bring a reference the lingth of me arrum.Nicholas.—Enough. Biddy is too good a girl to be guilty of even a wrong thought. Our spoons are safe, and I (all advancing to front) have but one suggestion to make, that in future you entertain him in the kitchen, where you will not be likely to be disturbed by unwelcome visitors.Matilda.—If I thought I would be free from unwelcome visitors (looking at Miss Spyall) I’d go to the kitchen too.Pat.—The nixt kitchen we mate in will be the kitchen of Mr. and Mrs. Patrick Dolan; how do ye loike that?Miss Spyall(aside).—Well I’m supplied with a lot of fresh news anyhow. (All take positions.)NICHOLAS.—And as there appears to be a wedding near at hand, we must prepare for it; so we’ll say good night—and dream of getting ready.[CURTAIN.]Geo.M. Vickers.
Characters.
Nicholas Neverslip,a modern husband.
Patrick Dolan,an Irish lad.
Matilda,Neverslip’s wife.
Miss Spyall,a gossip.
Biddy Crogan,a domestic.
Scene:—A drawing room. Time, evening. Table and two chairs, C. Nicholas discovered standing near L. E. with cane and gloves in his hands: he calls to his wife, who is supposed to be up stairs dressing for the opera.
Nicholas.—My dear, it is half-past seven; do hurry; I am sure we will be late.
Matilda.—I am coming—be with you in one minute. Has Biddy fastened the back gate?
Nicholas(aside).—I know we’ll be late (calls), Biddy! (crosses to R. E.)
Biddy.—I’m here, sur. [Enter Biddy R. E.] What do you want wid me, sur?
Nicholas.—Biddy, is the back gate fastened?
Biddy.—I’ll see, sur, (turns to go).
Nicholas.—Biddy!
Biddy.—Sur!
Nicholas.—Biddy, I am going to the opera; that is, we are, Mrs. Neverslip and myself.
Matilda(calls).—Nicholas!
Nicholas.—Well, what’s the matter?
Matilda.—Where did you lay my fan?
Nicholas.—I never touched your fan. (looks at his watch.) It is twenty minutes to eight; I declare we will be late.
Biddy(aside).—I wonder if he manes to keep me shtandin’ here all night?
Nicholas(to Matilda).—I am going!
Matilda.—Here I come.
Nicholas.—It is time you were coming.
Matilda.—Oh, dear!
Nicholas.—What’s the matter?
Matilda.—Oh, you’ve hurried me so that I’ve gone and dressed without my fichu; I can never go without it.
Nicholas(aside).—Confound her fish-hook. (aloud) Snails and turtles! are you never coming?
Biddy(aside).—I’m nather a gate post nur a clothes prop. (aloud) Mr. Neverslip, I’ll be goin’ to the kitchen; I lift the banes on the sthove; I think they’re burnin’. [Exit Biddy R. E.]
Nicholas.—For mercy sake do come.
Matilda(singing).—I am coming, darling, coming——
Nicholas.—How provokingly cool you are.[Enter Matilda L. E.]
Matilda.—Now, my dear, we’ll be off. [Both start toward L. E.] Why, where’s your hat?
Nicholas(feels his head).—Good gracious! It is up stairs—Matilda, dear, will you get it for me?
Matilda.—You cruel man——(knock heard from without.)
Both.—Horrors! Some one at the door!
Nicholas.—Biddy!
Biddy.—Ay, sur![Enter Biddy R. E.]
Nicholas.—Biddy, we’re out.
Biddy.—Yer what?
Nicholas.—We’re out; that is, we soon will be. We do not wish to see anyone—you comprehend?
Biddy(angrily).—Don’t want to see anyone I comprehend! Sur, I’m an honest Irish girl, and I niver comprehended anybody. (arms akimbo) Niver!
[Prolonged knock at the door.]
Nicholas.—Go to the door and say we’re out!
Biddy(aside).—The man is surely out of his head.[Exit Biddy L. E.]
Matilda.—Oh my! we’ll never get off.
Nicholas.—My dear it’s all your own fault.
Matilda(puts handkerchief to eyes).—Dear, dear! Nicholas. Hark!
Miss Spyall(from without).—Take this card to——
Biddy(from without).—They’re out, mum.
Miss Spyall.—Then I’ll just step in a moment and write a line or two.
Biddy.—But they’re out!
Matilda.—Oh grief! It is that awful Spyall; good-bye opera to-night.
Nicholas.—We might as well give up now.
[Enter Biddy L. E. walking backward followed by Miss Spyall.]
Miss Spyall(aside).—Out of the street; ah! I understand! (Extends hands to Nicholas and Matilda)—(aloud) How delighted I am to see you! What! going out?
Biddy.—Yis, out; they’re out—outward bound, I forgot part of the wurruds.
Nicholas.—Silence, Bridget!
Matilda.—We need you no longer, Biddy.
Biddy.—Indade, ye’ll give me two wakes’ notice. I’ll not lave now.
Matilda.—I mean we do not need you here. You may go to the kitchen. Oh, bother! My hair is coming down. Biddy get me a hair-pin, quick![Exit Biddy R. E.]
Miss Spyall.—What a beautiful dress; is it all silk?
Nicholas.—Part muslin, Miss.
Matilda.—Nicholas, you shock me.
Nicholas(Pulls out watch and starts to go).—Oh, oh, oh!
Miss Spyall.—Going to church?
Nicholas.—No, not to church.
Miss Spyall.—Oh, I see; the museum.
Nicholas.—We have an engagement.
Miss Spyall.—A wedding? That’s it! I know. Who is it? Do tell me if it is Nancy Beadle? I thought she and John——
Matilda.—My husband and I are about going down town on important business, it is time we were there now.
Miss Spyall.—Anything important? You know I can be trusted.
Nicholas.—Gone! gone! gone!
Miss Spyall.—Hey?
Matilda.—Miss Spyall, you will please excuse me this evening, we must go at once.
[Enter Biddy R. E. with, clothes-pins in each hand.]
Nicholas(pointing to watch).—We’ve lost our seats. (Matilda and Miss Spyall take seats.)
Biddy(to Nicholas).—Niver moind me; still, I’ll bring two chairs from the dining-room if ye insist. (To Matilda) Here’s the puns, mum.
Matilda.—Stupid girl, these are clothes-pins.
Miss Spyall.—What a silly creature.
Biddy(aside).—The spalpeen!
Nicholas.—Excuse me. I must get my hat.[Exit L. E.]
Matilda.—Oh, he’s a darling man!
Miss Spyall.—Spe-len-did!(A crash heard.)
Matilda.—What have you done?
Nicholas(groans).—Broken my shins, smashed my hat and upset your toilet stand!
Matilda.—You wretch-edly unfortunate man.
[Enter Nicholas L. E. limping with smashed hat in hand.]
Miss Spyall.—I must be going.
Matilda.—We are going to the opera.
Nicholas.—To hear the final chorus.
Miss Spyall.—How delightful!
Matilda.—Biddy, keep a sharp look out.
[Exit all except Biddy L. E.]
Biddy.—Yis, I’ll kape a sharp look out. I’ll first take a look at the back gate. Poor Pat’s been waitin’ at that same gate for a whole hour; faith he’s stharved wid the cold (starts and listens) Arrah, what’s that? Sure some one’s in the kitchen. I hear a brogan on the stairs—the saints protect me. [Enter Pat R. E., looking around cautiously.] Oh, Pat Dolan! How dare ye frighten me loike that? How did ye enter the house?—What if the folks had been in?
Pat.—Whist, me darlin’; I saw them lave by the front door, and in the wink of an eye, its meself that lepped over the fince; I thried the back door, it was unlatched, and here I am, Biddy dear!
Biddy.—Niver do the loikes of that again. You might be shot for a burglar or a dynamiter.
Pat.(sitting at table).—Niver fear, Biddy dear; go ye and bring a crust of bread and sup of—of something stronger than tay, if yer have it; sure I’ve room here for a loaf, and I’m thrimblin’ wid wakeness——
Biddy.—I’ll see what’s lift in the pantry. Be aisy till I come back. (Starts to go.)
Pat.—Biddy!
Biddy.—What, darlint? (Pauses.)
Pat.—Do ye hear anything?
Biddy.—Its the Niverslips! Run for your life!
Pat.—Be aisy; it’s me poor heart beatin’; and nothin’ more. It always bates whin I see that face.
Biddy(Looks over her shoulder).—What face? I see no face!
Pat.—Don’t be a greenhorn. I mane your own lovely countenance.
Biddy.—Oh, ye blarney![Exit R. E.]
Pat.(Rises from chair and walks up and down the stage).—Humph! this is a very foine house. It lacks the comforts of a home, howiver, for there’s not the sign of a pipe or a ’bacca bowl about the room. They’re evidently mane people.
[Enter Biddy R. E. carrying tray, on which are loaf of bread, a knife, a black bottle and two glasses.]
Look at that now! If that isn’t the tip of hospitality my name’s not Patrick Dolan.
Biddy(places tray on table).—Now, Pat, ye must not thrifle over the sup, (fills glass from bottle) but drink it at once. It would niver do to have the folks foind ye here.
Pat(takes glass).—Here’s to our wedding day, (drinks) Oh! ah! (jumps to his feet and runs about stage holding his throat) I’m pizened, I’m kilt.
Biddy(following him about).—Shpeak, shpeak, me darlint Pat.
Pat(gasping and pointing to bottle).—Look—look—look at that! What’s in the bottle?
Biddy.—Sure I can’t read. (Hands bottle to Pat.)
Pat.—Saint Patrick defind me! (reads) “Pure Jamaica Ginger,” Oh! its atin me up! (Noise heard without.)
Biddy.—Hark! (Both listen.)
Nicholas(from without).—We should have taken an umbrella; hurry in or we shall be drowned with the rain.
Pat(agitated).—Put me away! hide me! cover me up!
Biddy.—Run! No—shtop—they’re here! get under the table.
Pat(crawls under table).—Bad luck to the rain!
Biddy.—Arrah! What shall I do? He’s opening the door wid the noight key. Kape shtill, Pat.
Nicholas.—Walk in Miss Spyall; it is only a shower.
[Enter Neverslip, Matilda and Miss Spyall L. E.]
Miss Spyall(aside).—Refreshments, as I live! (Aloud) I feel real chilly! If I were home I’d have a bowl of hot tea, or something warm.
Biddy.—I was thinkin’ mum, that ye might be cold.
Matilda.—What’s that, Biddy?
Biddy.—I thought ye’d need a warrum drink and a bite, so I’ve the bottle and bread handy for yez. (Points to bottle.)
Nicholas(takes bottle).—Jamaica Ginger.
Matilda.—The idea! Bread and ginger. Why, Biddy, you are certainly becoming insane.
Miss Spyall(aside).—I thought they were too mean to have cake and wine, I thought it was a pound cake. How disappointed and hungry I feel. (Aloud) I wonder if it still rains?
Nicholas.—Be seated, ladies. Biddy, go to the door, and see if it has stopped raining.—(Matilda and Miss Spyall take seats at table).
I will see if I can find an umbrella for Miss Spyall.[Exit L. E.]
Pat.—(Pat’s head rises slowly from behind table).
Miss Spyall.—Does Mr. Neverslip smoke much?
Matilda.—Never at all. Why do you ask?
Miss Spyall.—I thought I detected a strong odor of an old pipe.
Pat.—(aside) Ye spalpeen! (Pulls her ear and stoops behind table).
Miss Spyall.—Oh! (indignantly).—Don’t do that again. I dislike such familiarity.
Matilda(astonished).—Why, what’s the matter with you?
Miss Spyall.—I guess if I were to pull your ear you would know how it feels. There! (They turn their backs to each other angrily).
(Pat peeps from under table and pulls Matilda’s ear).
Matilda(springing to her feet).—You impudent gossip! How dare you? (rubs her ear) If you want exercise, try pedestrianism; I will excuse your presence. (Points to door).
Miss Spyall(rising and backing off).—I am shocked beyond expression. (aside) If I only get out—the woman’s surely mad.
[Enter Nicholas L. E. with umbrella.]
Matilda.—My dear, give Miss Spyall the umbrella; she is surely ill and should get home with all possible speed.
Miss Spyall.—Not at all, not at all, sir; it is your insolent wife who needs your attention.
Nicholas.—What is the meaning of such singular language? (picks up bottle) You have not been tampering with this?
[Enters Biddy R. E. holding shawl in her hands.]
Biddy.—Look at me shplendid shawl! An illigant present that oi’ve just received. (unfolds shawl and advances towards rear of table.)
Nicholas.—Some other time, Biddy; we are engaged at present.
Miss Spyall(aside).—The whole family are certainly crazy.
Matilda.—I’m in no humor to look at shawls; I prefer taking a dissolving view of somebody’s back. (looks at Miss Spyall.)
Biddy(holds up shawl with both hands).—Pat, get behind the shawl.
Pat.—(crawls behind the shawl, screens himself from view, and moves off with Biddy).
Biddy.(backing towards the door)—It shows better at a distance, mum.
Nicholas.(advancing to Biddy).—This must cease.
Biddy.—Don’t come too close; ye’ll shpoil the effect.
Matilda.—Take the shawl from her.
Nicholas.—Let me have it. (pulls shawl from Biddy, exposing Pat to view).
Pat(bowing).—Yez’ll pardon me, but I was always bashful.
Nicholas.—Explain yourself, at once!
Matilda.—Look after the teaspoons!
Miss Spyall(aside).—Here’s a nut to crack! Here’s a scandal.
Biddy(crying and holding apron to eyes).—I’ll tell yez the truth. Patsy and meself are engaged to be married, and seein’ as I was to be lift alone in this big barn of a house, an’ bein’ timid, the poor man jist happened in to kape me company for a few minutes.
Pat.—What she says is intirely true, your honors; it’s meself that can bring a reference the lingth of me arrum.
Nicholas.—Enough. Biddy is too good a girl to be guilty of even a wrong thought. Our spoons are safe, and I (all advancing to front) have but one suggestion to make, that in future you entertain him in the kitchen, where you will not be likely to be disturbed by unwelcome visitors.
Matilda.—If I thought I would be free from unwelcome visitors (looking at Miss Spyall) I’d go to the kitchen too.
Pat.—The nixt kitchen we mate in will be the kitchen of Mr. and Mrs. Patrick Dolan; how do ye loike that?
Miss Spyall(aside).—Well I’m supplied with a lot of fresh news anyhow. (All take positions.)
NICHOLAS.—And as there appears to be a wedding near at hand, we must prepare for it; so we’ll say good night—and dream of getting ready.
[CURTAIN.]
Geo.M. Vickers.