XXVIA QUEER KIND OF RACE

XXVIA QUEER KIND OF RACE

Brightand Broad, the oxen, were going to race against Mistah Mule in the back pasture.

It was going to be a slow race. And since Mistah Mule hadn’t the slightest idea what a slow race was, Bright and Broad started to explain. As usual, they both began to speak the same words, at the same time.

“The race,” they told Mistah Mule, “will be from the fence here to the big pine tree on the other side of the pasture. We two will keep together, just as we always do. We’ll all three start at once.If you reach the pine tree first, you lose. If we reach it first, we lose.”

“Don’t nobody win this race?” Mistah Mule inquired.

“Yes! Yes! Whoever reaches the pine tree last will win.”

Mistah Mule shook his head.

“It’s one agin two,” he complained. “Don’t ’pear like it’s a fair race. If one o’ you go too fast, the other kin hold him back.”

Bright and Broad swung their heads around and looked at each other again.

“What do you suggest?” Broad inquired of Bright and Bright inquired of Broad.

“Why not let him walk behind us?” each replied to the other.

“’Cause why?” Mistah Mule broke in.

“Don’t you see? It will be more than fair to you,” they explained. “So longas you keep behind us, you’ll know that you aren’t going to reach the pine tree until after we get there. Only, of course, you mustn’t stop walking. If you find you can’t walk slowly enough, just swerve aside and pass us.”

Mistah Mule quickly agreed to this plan. He couldn’t see, now, how he could possibly lose the race.

“I hopes—” he remarked, as he took his place behind the oxen—“I hopes you-all doesn’t kick.”

“Never!” they assured him. And each whispered to the other, “That’s more than he can say about himself.”

“Are you ready?” Bright and Broad then boomed in their deep tones.

“Yes, sah! Yes, sah!” Mistah Mule replied. He answered twice, because he was talking to them both, and he wanted to be polite.

“Go!” they bellowed. And each began very slowly to lift a foot off the ground.

Mistah Mule suddenly forgot that this was to be aslowrace. When he heard the word “Go!” he gave a great leap, which carried him between Bright and Broad and thrust those heavy fellows rudely apart.

“Whoa, there!” they both cried. “Get back! If you must pass, go around us.”

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