CHAPTER XII
Assoon as his visitor had gone, Gaunt took a cigar and sat down in an armchair before the fire. Very carefully he thought over the events of the night, and it seemed to him that he could not have acted differently, although at the meeting he had said more than he had intended. It was his wife that troubled him, and the effect which his speech would have upon her. Here he was totally in the dark, and he began to understand that he knew very little of Lady Mildred’s real character.
“I had better get it over at once,” he said, and hastened up-stairs.
He turned the handle of his wife’s bedroom, only to find that the door was locked.
“Mildred,” he called to her.
“I am tired. Good-night.”
The words were coldly spoken and he went away at once, but he had no wish for bed and so returned to the smoking-room where he found Drake awaiting him.
“Braithwaite has spoken to me. You have the pleasure of knowing that you have made one man supremely happy,” the latter said earnestly.
“I do not know that that gives me any great pleasure. At first I refused to help him, and he would have gone away without a penny, if I hadn’t remembered.”
“You mean—the vow?”
“Yes—and I am beginning to find that it enters into every detail of my life. It’s a big thing that I’m up against, and I’m almost tempted to own myself beaten,” Gaunt said wearily.
“I understand. You are afraid that Lady Mildred——”
“We will not discuss my wife,” Gaunt interrupted him curtly. “About this meeting—I suppose that the papers will have a good deal to say in the morning.”
“Your intervention was certainly dramatic. You spoke splendidly and I believe that your heart was in what you said. It seems to me that you are a man who essentially loves a fight, and I sha’n’t be a bit surprised if you are just as eager to defeat the Belgians as I am. You wouldn’t have spoken as you did if you had been animated solely by your vow,” Drake said quietly.
“I wonder if you are right,” Gaunt remarked musingly. “I always have loved to overcome obstacles and the greater the odds, the keener I was. I believe there is some truth in your suggestion. You evidently know me better than I do myself.”
“I believe that there is more good in you than you will allow people to see. The apparent hardness has been a pose that you have produced so long that it has become almost second nature.”
“You flatter me, Drake. By the bye, I’ve something amusing to tell you. You remember the deal in Amantis with Weiss and his crowd. Well, it appears that although the wire was forged therehasbeen a discovery of gold, and that the shares have gone up to two pounds. More than that, they’re well worth the money. Will you kindly tell me how I stand? First with reference toWeiss, and secondly with reference to the original sellers of the shares. I don’t mean how I stand from the strictly business, but from the moral point of view?” Gaunt asked grimly.
Drake laughed quietly to himself.
“Forgive me. I was only imagining Weiss’s state of mind. Has he written to you?” he asked.
“No, but he called when I was out. Do you suggest that I ought to pay him what his share would have been?”
“Certainly not, and I am speaking from the moral point of view. The man was engaged in perpetrating a barefaced swindle——”
“To which I was a party,” Gaunt interrupted him quietly.
“And I do not think that he ought to benefit. Let him do his worst. I don’t suppose that he dare make a fuss,” Drake said without noticing what Gaunt had said.
“Very well, I will follow your advice, but I quite anticipate a lively time when Weiss and I do happen to meet. Are you going to turn in?”
“Yes. I am tired, for I found this evening rather exciting. By the bye, my brother Lindsay arrives to-morrow from West Africa, and I intended meeting him, unless you particularly want me.”
“I didn’t know you had a brother on the coast. What is he doing there?” Gaunt asked with interest.
“He’s a captain in the West African Frontier Force.”
“Why not bring him to stay here? There’s plenty of room, and he can have as much freedom as if he were at an hotel.”
“That’s uncommonly good of you. I should like it above all things. Good-night.”
“I am glad that you are satisfied with my performance this evening. Good-night,” Gaunt answered grimly.
Drake took the outstretched hand, and the two men looked at one another steadily, and there was a mutual liking in their eyes.
Alone, Gaunt began to pace restlessly to and fro. Even while he had been addressing the meeting his thoughts were with Lady Mildred, and now a great fear was clutching at his heart. Had God given him his wife’s life only to withhold her love for which he longed with every fibre of his being?
Up-stairs in her room, Lady Mildred was sobbing piteously. Since the days of her childhood tears had been an unknown luxury, but now she was stirred to the very depths.
“I hate him,” she sobbed forth passionately.
It was late in the morning when she went down-stairs and proceeded at once to the library. John Gaunt rose when she entered, and uttered a cry of amazement, for her face was very white and dark shadows encircled her eyes.
“What is the matter, dear? Are you ill?” he asked anxiously.
“No—only sick in mind,” she answered wearily. “Have patience with me, John, for I have a great deal to say to you, and you may not understand me, for I do not think that I understand myself.”
“Sit down,” he said quietly, and wheeled an armchair nearer to the fire. “What has happened?” he asked anxiously.
“I will try to explain. I seem to have awakenedfrom a dream and my whole outlook on life has changed,” she said, as though she was addressing herself.
“Since when?” he asked hoarsely.
“Since last night. As I look at the past I can see nothing but abject selfishness. As a girl my one thought was of my own comfort. I always loved the good things of this life—I suppose I had a conscience somewhere, but it never troubled me. When you appeared, I was utterly sick of poverty, and I was glad that you seemed to care for me. Almost from the first I made up my mind to be your wife. I didn’t care for you very much, but still I disliked you rather less than most of the fools who surrounded me. When you asked me to marry you my eyes were just a little bit opened, but still I could not see clearly. We were good friends always, and when the baby came—then—I think it must have been the dream that made me see that I was beginning to care for you. And I was very glad.”
Gaunt’s breath came quickly, and his hand stretched out towards her, but she shook her head when she saw the mad longing in his eyes.
“But I was not sure. Last night something compelled me to go with you to that dreadful meeting—perhaps it was Fate. All my life the idea of physical suffering has been repugnant to me. To see an animal in pain was torture. You are surprised at this, John, but you know very little of me. One of the strictest rules of the training of women of our class is that to show the slightest sign of one’s feeling is bad form. We are taught to batten down our real thoughts, and only let the world see what it will find agreeable. And therefore we are all frauds.”
She turned her face towards him and to his amazement there were tears in her eyes.
“Of course I had read of the Congo, and what had gone on there, but it never made much impression on my mind—I suppose because I did not really understand. But as I listened to those who spoke last night, the whole ghastly tragedy was revealed to me, but still I did not connect you with the monsters who were responsible for it.”
She broke off and gave a little sob.
“There was that missionary who told of the baby whose hands had been chopped off, and for one mad moment I thought of what I should have suffered if it had been my own child. Then came the succession of horrors, of brutality, of torturings, of murder, of the deliberate mutilations, and still I did not remember. I could only think of the millions who are in the Congo that even at the present moment some fresh outrage might be going on.”
She covered her face with her hands, and her body trembled slightly. Gaunt stared at her in amazement, for this was a humor of which he had not thought her capable. What was she going to say to him? Again fear held him in its grip.
“And then you rose from your seat. Like a flash it was revealed to me that you—that my husband was one of the criminals, who had coined gold by this devilish torturing of the natives.”
“Mildred, you do not know what you are saying,” he cried passionately.
“As in a dream I listened to you, and was amazed that you dared face the people and deliberately ownto them that you were a murderer,” she said vehemently.
“You are mad,” he said hoarsely.
“What are you but a murderer? You have benefited by the slaying of helpless people. You were in the country and did not raise a hand to prevent it. I listened to your shameful avowal—and I remembered that you were my husband,” she said dully.
“I think that you cannot have recovered from your illness. Had you not better lie down?” he said quickly.
“But that was not the worst. Not only were you my husband, but you were the father of my child. When the little one comes to years of understanding he will hear of the way that his father made his money—he will bear a name that is tainted,” she cried passionately.
Gaunt’s face had grown very white, and he faced her sternly.
“Mildred, is it not rather late in the day to have these ideas? When I asked you to be my wife, you were aware of my reputation, and you made no objection,” he said coldly.
“I was a blind fool. I had no idea what it really meant, and in those days I do not think I should have greatly cared even if I had known.”
“What has caused this change?”
“I found out a few hours ago—I found out that I loved you.”
Her voice scarcely rose above a whisper, and her eyes were turned away.
“You love me. Thank God!” he cried passionately, and he stretched out his arms.
“Yes. I love you,” she cried dully.
“Then nothing else matters.”
She had risen to her feet and he drew nearer to her, but she raised her hand.
“Don’t touch me,” she cried vehemently.
“I don’t understand you, Mildred. You tell me that you love me, and yet——”
“There is blood on your hands. I love you, but instead of being my glory it is my shame,” she said brokenly.
“You are melodramatic, and that is not usual in you. I wish you would tell me exactly what you do mean,” he cried impatiently.
“My meaning is clear. I have tried to explain, and——”
Gaunt had been controlling himself by a great effort, but his passion cast off all bonds and he seized her in his arms. His lips sought hers and he kissed her passionately, not once but many times, in spite of her struggles to free herself from his embrace.
“You love me and I tell you that nothing else matters. I am not worse than other men,” he cried earnestly.
“Then God pity other men,” she answered pantingly.
She had drawn away from him, and there was anger in her eyes.
“You dare kiss me after what I have said. Do you think that I am a young girl to be swayed by a caress?”
“You are a fool, and don’t know when you’re well off,” he said savagely.
And there followed silence, save for the sound of Lady Mildred’s quick breathing.
“Forgive me, dear. I forgot myself for the moment.Let us talk the wretched business over quietly, and I think that I can convince you that you are making a great fuss about nothing,” he said quietly.
“I am willing to listen to you, but don’t touch me again, please. If you do I shall hate you.”
He gave her a look that was full of appeal, and when her face did not soften, a sigh escaped him. But now he had recovered himself and was determined not to make another false move. She had told him that she loved him. With that in his favor he must win in the end, and could afford to be patient.
“Sit down, dear, and let us talk the thing over sensibly. You don’t mind if I smoke?”
As he spoke he took a cigar and spent a long time in preparing it for smoking.
“I was quite a lad when I went to the Congo, and it is not fair to hold me responsible for what went on in the country. On my honor, I have never been guilty of the torturing of a native,” he said earnestly.
“But still, the torturing was going on all around you, and you made no effort to prevent it.”
“My efforts would have been useless. In those days I had no power,” he protested.
“Then as a decent man, you should have left the country, and sought a cleaner way of making money. You admit that you remained there for years. Did you never feel ashamed?”
“You did not hear all I said last night,” he said quietly.
“No. If I had stayed much longer I should have broken down. I had no wish to make a public exhibition of myself.”
Now she had recovered herself and spoke in her usual manner.
“I stated that I would use my money to help the natives, and I intend to do so.”
“Then you admit that my accusations are just?” she said quickly.
“Yes. I have always known that my conduct was infamous. But I intended to make money.”
“Now that you have tardily repented, you think that you will earn salvation by spending some of your ill-gotten gold,” she cried contemptuously.
“I am not quite sure that I have repented,” he answered grimly.
“Then why did you speak as you did? You must have known the sensation it would make. The papers are full of it, and you have earned a very unenviable notoriety. Did you remember that this notoriety would reflect upon your wife and child? But answer my question. If not for repentance, then why did you speak?” she asked peremptorily.
“I don’t think I will answer that question.”
“Then I must ask Mr. Drake. Of course, I can see that he has had a hand in it.”
“I don’t think Drake will give you much information,” he said impatiently.
“Is that all you have to say?”
“No. I should like to know how we stand?”
“I have told you and can say no more,” she answered wearily.
“You have told me that you love me—but in the next breath you tell me not to touch you. I should like something definite.”
“Then you must give me time. I said that I loved you but I am not sure that it is true. When I remember, I feel that I loathe you.”
“I think I prefer loathing to indifference. Still, your request is not unreasonable and I am willing to give you time.
“Thank you—and in the meantime?” she asked nervously.
“In the meantime it shall be just as you wish. One question more. If I were to take steps—practical steps to help the natives, would that count in my favor?”
“Yes. But what can you do?” she asked wonderingly.
“Now that I have this additional motive, I may find a means. Mildred, dear, you have shown me an unsuspected side of your nature, but I think I am glad.”
“Be patient with me, John. I think I am only just beginning to find out myself, and it is a painful experience,” she said with a wistful smile.
She had moved towards the door, and he followed quickly after her, took her hand and raised it to his lips.
“I shall win. I shall win,” he said with grim determination.
Lady Mildred went straight to the nursery and sat down by the cot where the child was sleeping. In speaking to her husband she had been absolutely frank, and now, when she thought over what she had said, she was amazed at herself. For a long time she sat there and wondered what John would do.
The child awoke and she took it in her arms, finding strange comfort to feel it there.
“Yes, baby mine. You have taught me a great deal,and I am very grateful to you, dear,” she whispered, and kissed it tenderly.
Lunch was eaten alone, and she remained in her own rooms all the afternoon. Every now and then she would find herself wondering what her husband was doing.
When she had ordered tea to be brought to her, the door opened, and Lady Ethel entered, a look of excitement on her face.
“What has happened between you and John?” she cried to Lady Mildred.
“What do you mean? Why do you ask the question?”
“I have just passed the library. The door was open. John and Mr. Drake and another gentleman were talking. I heard John say in a loud voice: ‘Yes. By Heaven I will go back to the Congo.’ And then I came away, for I do not like to listen to what is not intended for my ears. Is John really going back to that dreadful country?” Lady Ethel asked anxiously.
Lady Mildred rose to her feet, and her face worked painfully.
“Should it be true?” she muttered hoarsely.