CHAP XV.Shewing how the method of educatingdaughters,makes it difficult for them to enter into the spirit of Christian humility. How miserably they are injured and abused by such an education. The spirit of a better education, represented in the character ofEusebia.1.THAT turn of mind which is taught and encouraged in the education ofdaughters, makes it exceeding difficult for them to enter into such a sense and practice of humility, as the spirit of Christianity requireth.*The right education of thissexis of the utmost importance. For tho’womendon’t carry on thetradeandbusinessof the world; yet as they aremothersandmistressesof families, that have for some time the care of the education of their children, they are entrusted with that which is of the greatest consequence to human life. For this reason,goodorbadwomen are likely to do as much good or harm in the world, as good or bad men in the greatest business.*For as thehealthandstrength, orweaknessof our bodies, is much owing totheir methodsof treating us when we were young; so thesoundnessorfollyof our minds is not less owing to thesefirst tempersand ways of thinking, which we eagerly received from thelove,tenderness,authority, and constantconversationof our mothers.*As we call our first language ourmother-tongue, so we may as justly call our first tempers ourmother-tempers; and perhaps it may be found more easy to forget thelanguage, than to part entirely with thosetemperswhich we learnt in thenursery.2. It is therefore much to be lamented, that thissex, who have the first forming both of ourbodiesandminds, are not only educated inpride, but in thesilliestand mostcontemptiblepart of it.*They are not indeed suffered to dispute with us the proudprizesofartsandsciences; but we turn them over to the study ofbeautyanddress, and the whole world conspires to make them think of nothing else.Fathersandmothers,friendsandrelations, seem to have no other wish towards thelittle girl, but that she may have afair skin,a fine shape,dress well, anddanceto admiration.Now if a fondness for ourpersons, a desire ofbeauty, a love ofdress, be a part of pride (as surely it is a most contemptible part of it) the first step towards awoman’s humility, seems to require arepentanceof her education.For it must be owned, that, generally speaking, good parents are never more fond of their daughters, than when they see themtoo fondof themselves, anddressedin such a manner, as is a great reproach to the gravity and sobriety of the Christian life.3. Thechurchhas formerly hademinent saintsin that sex; and it may reasonably be thought, that it is purely owing to theirpoorandvaineducation, that this honour of their sex is for themost partconfined toformerages.*The corruption of the world indulges them in great vanity, and mankind seem to consider them in no other view, than as so manypainted idols, that are to allure and gratify their passions; so that if many women arevain,light,gewgawcreatures, they have this to excuse themselves, that they are not only such as theireducationhas made them, but such as thegeneralitythe worldallowsthem to be.*But then they should consider, that thefriendsto theirvanityare no friends of theirs; that they are to live forthemselves; that they have as great a share in therational natureas men have; that they have as muchreasonto pretend, and as muchnecessityto aspire after thehighest accomplishmentsof Christian virtue, as thegravestandwisestamong Christianphilosophers.*They should consider, that they areabused, andinjured, andbetrayedfrom theironly perfection,whenever they are taught, that any thing is anornamentin them, that is not an ornament in thewisestamong mankind.4. *It is generally said, thatwomenare naturally oflittleandvain minds; but this I look upon to be asfalse, as to say, thatbutchersare naturallycruel: for as their cruelty is not owing to theirnature, but to theirwayof life; so whateverlittlenessandvanityis in the minds of women, it is like the cruelty ofbutchers, a temper that is wrought into them by that life which they aretaughtandaccustomedto lead.And if it were true, that they were thus naturally vain and light, then how much more blameable is that education, which seems contrived tostrengthenandincreasethis folly and weakness of their minds?For if it were a virtue in a woman to be proud and vain of herself, we could hardly take better means to raise this passion in her, than those that are now used in their education.5. *Matildais a fine woman, of goodbreeding, and greatsense. She has three daughters that are educated by herself. She will not trust them with any one else, or at anyschool, for fear they should learn any thing ill. She stays with thedancing-masterall the time he is with them, because she will hear every thing that is said to them. She has heard them read the scriptures so often, that they can repeat great part of it without book: and there is scarce agood book ofdevotion, but you may find it in theirclosets.HadMatildalived in the first ages of Christianity, she had in all probability been one of the greatest saints. But as she was born in corrupt times, where she hardly ever saw a piety higher than her own; so she has many defects, and communicates them all to her daughters.6.Matildanever wasmeanlydressed in her life; and nothing pleases her indress, but that which is veryrich, andbeautifulto the eye.Her daughters see her great zeal for religion, but then they see an equal earnestness for all sorts offinery. They see she is not negligent of herdevotion; but then they see her more careful to preserve hercomplexion, and to prevent those changes which time and age threaten her with.They are afraid to meet her, if they have missed thechurch; but then they are more afraid to see her, if they are notlacedasstraightas they can possibly be.She often shews them herown picture, which was taken when their father fell in love with her. She tells them howdistractedhe was with passion at thefirst sightof her; and that she had never had sofineacomplexion, but for the diligence of her good mother, who took exceeding care of it.The children see so plainlythe temperof theirmother, that they affect to bemore pleasedwith dress, than they really are.They saw their eldest sister once brought to hertears, and herperversenessseverely reprimanded, for presuming to say, that she thought it was better to cover theneck, than to go sofar nakedas the modern dress requires.7. She stints them in theirmeals, and is very scrupulous of what they eat and drink, and tells them how manyfine shapesshe has seen spoiled in her time for want of such care.Whenever they begin to looksanguineandhealthful, she calls in the assistance of thedoctor; and ifphysic, orissues, will keep the complexion from inclining tocoarseorruddy, she thinks them well employed.By this means they arepoor,pale,sickly,infirmcreatures,vapouredthrough want of spirits,cryingat the smallest accidents,swooningaway at any thing that frights them, and hardly able to bear theweightof their best cloaths.The eldest daughter lived as long as she could under this discipline, and died in the twentieth year of her age.When her body was opened, it appeared that herribshad grown into herliver, and that her otherentrailswere much hurt, by beingcrushedtogether with herstays; which her mother had ordered to be twitched so strait, that it has often brought tears into her eyes, whilst the maid was dressing her.Her youngest daughter is run away with agamester, a man of great beauty, who indressinganddancinghas no superior.Matildasays, she should die with grief at this accident, but that herconsciencetells her, she has contributed nothing to it herself. She appeals to theirclosets, to their books of devotion, to testify what care she has taken to establish her children in piety.8. Now, tho’ I don’t intend to say, that no daughters are brought up in abetter waythan this; yet thus much may be said, that the greater part of them are not brought up so well, or accustomed to so much religion.Their minds are turned as much to the care of their beauty and dress, without having such rules of devotion to stand against it. So that ifsolidpiety is much wanted in that sex, it is the plain consequence of a corrupt education.And if they are often ready to receive the firstfops,beaux, and finedancers, for their husbands, ’tis no wonder that they should like that in men, which they have been taught to admire in themselves.Some people will perhaps say, that I am exercising too great a severity against the sex.But reasonable persons will observe, that I spare thesex, and only arraign theireducation; that I not only spare them, but plead theirinterest, assert theirhonour, and only condemn thateducationwhich is soinjuriousthereto.Their education I cannot spare; but the only reason is, because it is theirgreatest enemy, because it deprives the world of so manyblessings, and the church of so manysaints.If it should here be said, that I even chargetoo highupon theireducation, and that they are not somuchhurt by it, as I imagine.It may be answered, that tho’ I don’t pretend to state theexact degreeof mischief that is done by it, yet its plain and natural tendency to do harm, is sufficient to justify the mostabsolutecondemnation of it.9. But how possible it is to bring up daughters in a more excellent way, let the following character declare.*Eusebiais a pious widow, well born, and well bred, and has a good estate for five daughters, whom she brings up as one entrusted by God, to fit five virgins for the kingdom of heaven. Her family has the same regulation as areligious house, and all its orders tend to the support of a constant regular devotion.She loves them as her spiritual children, and they reverence her as their spiritual mother, with an affection far above that of the fondest friends.She has divided part of her estate among them, that every one may be charitable out of their own stock, and each of them take it in their turns to provide for thepoorandsickof the parish.Eusebiabrings them up to all kinds of labour that are proper for women, assewing,knitting,spinning, and all other parts ofhousewifery; not for theiramusement, but that they may be serviceable to themselves and others, and be saved from those temptations which attend an idle life.She tells them, she had rather see them reduced to the necessity of maintaining themselves by their own work, than to have riches to excuse themselves from labour. For tho’, says she, you may be able to assist the poor without your labour, yet by your labour you will be able to assist them more.10. IfEusebiahas lived as free from sin as it is possible for human nature, it is because she is always watching and guarding againstall instancesof pride. And if her virtues are stronger and higher than other peoples, ’tis because they are all founded in a deephumility.My children, says she, when your father died, I was much pitied by my friends, as having all the care of a family, and the management of an estate fallen upon me.But my own grief was founded upon another principle: I was grieved to see myself deprived of so faithful a friend; and that such an eminent example of Christian virtues should be taken from the eyes of his children, before they were of an age to love and follow it.But as to worldly cares, which my friends thought so heavy upon me, they are most of them of our own making, and fall away as soon as weknow ourselves.If a person in adreamis disturbed with strange appearances, his trouble is over as soon as he isawake, and sees that it was a dream.Now, when a right knowledge of ourselves enters into our minds, it makes as great a change in all our thoughts and apprehensions, as when weawakefrom thewandringsof a dream.We acknowledge a man to bemadormelancholy, who fancies himself to beglass, and so is afraid of stirring; or taking himself to bewax, dares not let thesunshine upon him.But, my children, there are things in the world which pass forwisdom,politeness,grandeur,happiness, andfine breeding, which shew as greatignoranceof ourselves, and might as justly pass forthorough madness, as when a man fancies himself to beglassorice.A woman that dares not appear in the world withoutfine cloaths, that thinks it is a happiness to have a facefinely coloured, to have a skindelicately fair, that had rather die than be reduced to poverty, and be forced to work for a maintenance, is as ignorant of herself to the full, as he that fancies himself to beglass.11. For this reason, all my discourse with you, has been to acquaint you with yourselves, and toaccustom you to such books, as might best instruct you in this greatest of all knowledge.You would think it hard, not to know the family into which you was born, what ancestors you were descended from, and what estate was to come to you; but, my children, you may know all this with exactness, and yet be as ignorant of yourselves, as he that takes himself to bewax.For tho’ you were all of you born of my body, and bear your father’s name, yet you are all of youpure spirits. I don’t mean that you have not bodies;♦but thatallwhich deserves to be calledyou, is nothing else butspirit. A being spiritual and rational in its nature; that is as contrary to all corporeal beings, aslifeis contrary todeath; that is made in the image of God, to live for ever, never to cease any more, but to enjoylife, andreason, andknowledge, andhappinessin the presence of God, and the society of angels, and glorious spirits, to all eternity.♦‘hut’ replaced with ‘but’Every thing that you call yours, besides this spirit, is but like yourcloathing; something that is only to be used for awhile, and then to end, and die, and wear away, and to signify no more to you than thecloathingandbodiesof other people.12. But, my children, you are not only in this mannerspirits, but you arefallenspirits, that began your life in a state of corruption and disorder, full of tempers and passions, that blind anddarken your reason, and incline you to that which is hurtful.Your bodies are not only poor and perishing like your cloaths, but they are like illinfected cloaths, that fill you with ill diseases, which oppress the soul with sickly appetites, and vain cravings.So that all of us are like two beings, that have, as it were, two hearts within us; with the one we see, and taste, and admire reason, and holiness; with the other we incline to pride, and vanity, and sensual delights.If you would know the one thing necessary to all the world, it is this, to preserve and perfect all that isrational,holy, anddivinein our nature, and to mortify, remove, and destroy allvanity,pride, andsensuality.Could you think, my children, when you look at the world, and see whatcustoms, andfashions, andpleasures, andtroubles, andprojects, employ the hearts and time of mankind, that things were thus?But don’t you be affected at these things; the world is in a greatdream, and but few people are awake in it.We fancy that we fall into darkness, when we die; but alas, we are most of us in the dark till then; and the eyes of our souls only then begin to see, when our bodily eyes are closing.13. You see then your state, my children; you are to improve and perfect the spirit that iswithin you; you are to prepare it for the kingdom of heaven, to nourish it with the love of God, to adorn it with good works, and to make it as holy and heavenly as you can. You are to preserve it from the errors and vanities of the world; to save it from the corruptions of the body, from those false delights and sensual tempers which the body tempts it with.You are to nourish your spirits with pious readings, and holy meditations, with watchings, fastings, and prayers, that you may relish that eternal state which is to begin when this life ends.As to your bodies, you are to consider them aspoor,perishingthings, that are corrupt at present, and will soon drop into common dust; you are to watch over them asenemies, that are always trying to betray you, and so never follow their counsel; you are to consider them as theplaceandhabitationof your souls, and so keep themclean, anddecent; you are to consider them as the servants and instruments of action, and so give themfood, andrest, andraiment, that they may be strong and healthful to do the duties of a charitable, useful, pious life.Whilst you live thus, you live like yourselves; and whenever you have less regard to your souls, or more regard to your bodies; whenever you are more intent upon adorning your persons, than upon perfecting your souls, you are much morebeside yourselves, than he that had rather have alaced coat, than an healthful body.14. For this reason, my children, I have taught you nothing that was dangerous for you to learn: I have kept you from every thing that might betray you intoweaknessandfolly; or make you think any thing fine, but afine mind; any thing happy, but the favour of God; or any thing desirable, but to do all the good you possibly can.Instead of the vain, immodest entertainment ofplaysandoperas, I have taught you to delight in visiting thesickandpoor. What♦music, anddancing, anddiversionsare to many in the world, that prayers and devotions, and psalms are to you. Your hands have not been employed in plaiting the hair, and adorning your persons; but in making cloaths for the naked. You have not wasted your fortunes upon yourselves; but have added your labour to them, to do more good to other people.♦‘musick’ replaced with ‘music’Instead of forcedshapes,genteel airs, andaffected motions, I have taught you to conceal your bodies withmodest garments, and let the world have nothing to view of you, but theplainness, andsincerity, andhumilityof all your behaviour.15. You know, my children, thehigh perfection, and thegreat rewardsof virginity; you know how it frees from worldly cares and troubles, and furnishes means and opportunities ofhigher advancements in the divine life. Therefore love, and esteem, and honour virginity: bless God for all that glorious company of holy virgins, that from the beginning of Christianity have, in the several ages of the church, renounced the cares and pleasures of matrimony, to be perpetual examples of contemplation and prayer.But as every one has their proper gift from God, as I look upon you all to be so many great blessings of a married state; so I leave to your choice, either to do as I have done, or to aspire after higher degrees of perfection in a virgin state.I press nothing upon you, but to make the most of human life, and to aspire after perfection in whatever state you chuse.Never therefore consider yourselves as persons that are to beseen,admired, andcourtedby men; but aspoor sinners, that are to save yourselves from the vanities and follies of a miserable world. Learn to live for your own sakes, and the service of God; and let nothing in the world be of any value with you, but that which you can turn into a service to God, and a means of your future happiness.16. Whether married therefore, or unmarried, consider yourselves as mothers and sisters, as friends and relations to all that want your assistance; and never allow yourselves to be idle,whilst others are in want of any thing that your hands can make for them.This useful, charitable, humble employment of yourselves, is what I recommend to you with great earnestness; and besides the good you will thereby do to other people, your own heart will be improved by it.For next toreading,meditation, andprayer, there is nothing that so secures our hearts from foolish passions, as someuseful,humbleemployment of ourselves.Never therefore consider your labour as anamusement, that is to get rid of your time, and so may be as trifling as you please; but consider it as something that is to be serviceable to yourselves and others, that is to serve some sober ends of life, to save and redeem your time, and make it turn to your account, when the works of all people shall be tried by fire.If there is any good to be done by your labour, if you can possibly employ yourselves usefully to other people, how silly is it, how contrary to the wisdom of religion, to make that amere amusement, which might as easily be made an exercise of thegreatest charity?What would you think of the wisdom of him, that should employ his time in distilling of waters, and making liquors which no body could use, merely to amuse himself with the variety of their colour, when, with less labour and expence,he might satisfy the wants of those who have nothing to drink?Yet he would be as wisely employed, as those that are amusing themselves with such tedious works as they neither need, nor hardly know how to use when they are finished; when, with less labour and expence, they might be doing as much good, as he that iscloathingthe naked, orvisitingthe sick.Be glad therefore to know the wants of the poorest people, and let your hands be employed in making such things for them, as their necessities require. By thus making your labour a gift and service to the poor, your ordinary work will be changed into a holy service, and made as acceptable to God as your devotions.This will make you true disciples of your meek Lord and Master, whocame into the world not to be ministered unto, but to minister; and tho’ he was Lord of all, and among the creatures of his own making, yet was among themas one that serveth.17. Christianity has then had its effect upon your hearts, when it has removed pride from you, and made you delight in humbling yourselves beneath the lowest of all your fellow creatures.Live therefore, my children, as you have begun your lives, in humble labour for the good of others; not in ceremonious visits and vain acquaintances. Contract no foolish friendships, orvain fondnesses for particular persons; but love them most, that most turn your love towards God, and your compassion towards all the world.But above all, avoid the conversation offine-bred fopsandbeaux, and hate nothing more than the idle discourse, the flattery and compliments of that sort of men; for they are theshameof their ownsex, and ought to be theabhorrenceof yours.When you go abroad, let humility, modesty, and a decent carriage, be all thestateyou take upon you; and let tenderness, compassion, and good-nature, be all thefine breedingyou shew in any place.If evilspeaking,scandal, orbackbiting, be the conversation where you happen to be, be as much grieved as if you was amongst cursing and swearing, and retire as soon as you can.Tho’ you intend to marry, yet let the time never come, till you find a man that has those perfections which you have been labouring after yourselves; who is likely to be a friend to all your virtues, and with whom it is better to live, than to want the benefit of his example.18. Lovepoverty, and reverencepoor people; as for many reasons, so particularly for this, because our blessed Saviour was one of the number.Visit and converse with them frequently; you will often findsimplicity,innocence,patience,fortitude, and great piety amongst them.Rejoice at every opportunity of doing an humble action; whether it be, as the scripture expresses it, inwashing the saints feet, that is, in waiting upon, and serving those that are below you, or in bearing with the haughtiness and ill manners of those that are your equals, or above you. For there is nothing better than humility; it is the fruitful soil of all virtues, and every thing that is kind and good, naturally grows from it.Therefore, my children, pray for, and practise, humility; and reject every thing indress, orcarriage, orconversation, that has any appearance of pride.Strive to do every thing that is praise-worthy, but do nothing in order to be praised; nor think of any reward for your labours of love, till Christ cometh with all his holy angels.19. And above all, my children, have a care of vain thoughts of your own virtues. For as soon as ever people live different from the common way of the world, the devil represents to their minds the height of their perfections; and is content they should excel in good works, provided he can make them proud of them.Therefore watch over your virtues with a jealous eye, and reject every vain thought, as you would reject the most wicked imaginations; andthink what a loss it would be to you, to have the fruit of all your good works devoured by the vanity of your minds.Never therefore allow yourselves to despise those who do not follow your rules, but love them, and pray to God for them; and let humility be alwayswhisperingin your ears, that you yourselves would fall from those rules to-morrow, if God should leave you to your own strength and wisdom.When therefore you have spent days and weeks well, do not suffer your hearts to contemplate any thing as your own, but give all the glory to God, who has carried you thro’ such rules of holy living, as you were not able to observe by your own strength; and take care to begin the next day, not as proficients in virtue, that can do great matters, but aspoor beginners, that want the daily assistance of God to save you from thegrossest sins.20. Your dear father was an humble, watchful, pious, wise man. Whilst his sickness would suffer him to talk with me, his discourse was chiefly about your education. He knew the benefits of humility, he saw the ruins which pride made in our sex; and therefore he conjured me with the tenderest expressions, to renounce thefashionable waysof educating daughters inprideandsoftness, in the care of theirbeautyanddress; and to bring you all up in theplainest,simplestinstances of an humble, holy, and industrious life.He taught me an admirable rule of humility, which he practised all the days of his life; which was this, to let no morning pass, without thinking upon somefrailtyandinfirmityof our own, that may put us toconfusion, make usblush inwardly, and entertain a mean opinion of ourselves.Think therefore, my children, that the soul of your good father, who is now with God, speaks to you through my mouth; and let the double desire of your father, who is gone, and me, who am with you, prevail upon you to love God, to study your own perfection, to practise humility, and, with innocent labour, to do all the good you can to all your fellow creatures, till God calls you to another life.*Thus did the pious widow educate her daughters. And a very ordinary knowledge of thespiritofChristianity, may convince us, that no education can be of true advantage to young women, but that which trains them up inhumble industry, ingreat plainnessof life, inexact modestyofdress,mannersandcarriage, and instrict devotion. For what should a Christian woman be, but aplain,unaffected,modest,humblecreature, averse to every thing in herdressandcarriage, that can draw the eyes of beholders, or gratify the passions of lewd and amorous persons?21. *These considerations may teach you to let no day pass, without a serious application to God, for thewhole spiritof humility: fervently beseeching him to fill every part of your soul with it; to make it the ruling, constant habit of your mind, that you may not only feel it, but feel all your other tempers arising from it; that you may have no thoughts, no desires, no designs, but such as are the true fruits of an humble, meek, and lowly heart.That you may always appear poor, and little, and mean in your own eyes, and fully content that others should have the same opinion of you.That the whole course of your life, yourexpence, yourhouse, yourdress, your manner ofeating,drinking,conversing, and doingevery thing, may be so many continual proofs of the humility of your heart.That you may look for nothing, claim nothing, resent nothing; that you may go thro’ all the actions of life calmly and quietly, as in the presence of God, looking wholly unto him, acting wholly for him; neither seeking applause, nor resenting neglects, or affronts, but doing and receiving every thing in the meek and lowly spirit of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.
Shewing how the method of educatingdaughters,makes it difficult for them to enter into the spirit of Christian humility. How miserably they are injured and abused by such an education. The spirit of a better education, represented in the character ofEusebia.
1.THAT turn of mind which is taught and encouraged in the education ofdaughters, makes it exceeding difficult for them to enter into such a sense and practice of humility, as the spirit of Christianity requireth.
*The right education of thissexis of the utmost importance. For tho’womendon’t carry on thetradeandbusinessof the world; yet as they aremothersandmistressesof families, that have for some time the care of the education of their children, they are entrusted with that which is of the greatest consequence to human life. For this reason,goodorbadwomen are likely to do as much good or harm in the world, as good or bad men in the greatest business.
*For as thehealthandstrength, orweaknessof our bodies, is much owing totheir methodsof treating us when we were young; so thesoundnessorfollyof our minds is not less owing to thesefirst tempersand ways of thinking, which we eagerly received from thelove,tenderness,authority, and constantconversationof our mothers.
*As we call our first language ourmother-tongue, so we may as justly call our first tempers ourmother-tempers; and perhaps it may be found more easy to forget thelanguage, than to part entirely with thosetemperswhich we learnt in thenursery.
2. It is therefore much to be lamented, that thissex, who have the first forming both of ourbodiesandminds, are not only educated inpride, but in thesilliestand mostcontemptiblepart of it.
*They are not indeed suffered to dispute with us the proudprizesofartsandsciences; but we turn them over to the study ofbeautyanddress, and the whole world conspires to make them think of nothing else.Fathersandmothers,friendsandrelations, seem to have no other wish towards thelittle girl, but that she may have afair skin,a fine shape,dress well, anddanceto admiration.
Now if a fondness for ourpersons, a desire ofbeauty, a love ofdress, be a part of pride (as surely it is a most contemptible part of it) the first step towards awoman’s humility, seems to require arepentanceof her education.
For it must be owned, that, generally speaking, good parents are never more fond of their daughters, than when they see themtoo fondof themselves, anddressedin such a manner, as is a great reproach to the gravity and sobriety of the Christian life.
3. Thechurchhas formerly hademinent saintsin that sex; and it may reasonably be thought, that it is purely owing to theirpoorandvaineducation, that this honour of their sex is for themost partconfined toformerages.
*The corruption of the world indulges them in great vanity, and mankind seem to consider them in no other view, than as so manypainted idols, that are to allure and gratify their passions; so that if many women arevain,light,gewgawcreatures, they have this to excuse themselves, that they are not only such as theireducationhas made them, but such as thegeneralitythe worldallowsthem to be.
*But then they should consider, that thefriendsto theirvanityare no friends of theirs; that they are to live forthemselves; that they have as great a share in therational natureas men have; that they have as muchreasonto pretend, and as muchnecessityto aspire after thehighest accomplishmentsof Christian virtue, as thegravestandwisestamong Christianphilosophers.
*They should consider, that they areabused, andinjured, andbetrayedfrom theironly perfection,whenever they are taught, that any thing is anornamentin them, that is not an ornament in thewisestamong mankind.
4. *It is generally said, thatwomenare naturally oflittleandvain minds; but this I look upon to be asfalse, as to say, thatbutchersare naturallycruel: for as their cruelty is not owing to theirnature, but to theirwayof life; so whateverlittlenessandvanityis in the minds of women, it is like the cruelty ofbutchers, a temper that is wrought into them by that life which they aretaughtandaccustomedto lead.
And if it were true, that they were thus naturally vain and light, then how much more blameable is that education, which seems contrived tostrengthenandincreasethis folly and weakness of their minds?
For if it were a virtue in a woman to be proud and vain of herself, we could hardly take better means to raise this passion in her, than those that are now used in their education.
5. *Matildais a fine woman, of goodbreeding, and greatsense. She has three daughters that are educated by herself. She will not trust them with any one else, or at anyschool, for fear they should learn any thing ill. She stays with thedancing-masterall the time he is with them, because she will hear every thing that is said to them. She has heard them read the scriptures so often, that they can repeat great part of it without book: and there is scarce agood book ofdevotion, but you may find it in theirclosets.
HadMatildalived in the first ages of Christianity, she had in all probability been one of the greatest saints. But as she was born in corrupt times, where she hardly ever saw a piety higher than her own; so she has many defects, and communicates them all to her daughters.
6.Matildanever wasmeanlydressed in her life; and nothing pleases her indress, but that which is veryrich, andbeautifulto the eye.
Her daughters see her great zeal for religion, but then they see an equal earnestness for all sorts offinery. They see she is not negligent of herdevotion; but then they see her more careful to preserve hercomplexion, and to prevent those changes which time and age threaten her with.
They are afraid to meet her, if they have missed thechurch; but then they are more afraid to see her, if they are notlacedasstraightas they can possibly be.
She often shews them herown picture, which was taken when their father fell in love with her. She tells them howdistractedhe was with passion at thefirst sightof her; and that she had never had sofineacomplexion, but for the diligence of her good mother, who took exceeding care of it.
The children see so plainlythe temperof theirmother, that they affect to bemore pleasedwith dress, than they really are.
They saw their eldest sister once brought to hertears, and herperversenessseverely reprimanded, for presuming to say, that she thought it was better to cover theneck, than to go sofar nakedas the modern dress requires.
7. She stints them in theirmeals, and is very scrupulous of what they eat and drink, and tells them how manyfine shapesshe has seen spoiled in her time for want of such care.
Whenever they begin to looksanguineandhealthful, she calls in the assistance of thedoctor; and ifphysic, orissues, will keep the complexion from inclining tocoarseorruddy, she thinks them well employed.
By this means they arepoor,pale,sickly,infirmcreatures,vapouredthrough want of spirits,cryingat the smallest accidents,swooningaway at any thing that frights them, and hardly able to bear theweightof their best cloaths.
The eldest daughter lived as long as she could under this discipline, and died in the twentieth year of her age.
When her body was opened, it appeared that herribshad grown into herliver, and that her otherentrailswere much hurt, by beingcrushedtogether with herstays; which her mother had ordered to be twitched so strait, that it has often brought tears into her eyes, whilst the maid was dressing her.
Her youngest daughter is run away with agamester, a man of great beauty, who indressinganddancinghas no superior.
Matildasays, she should die with grief at this accident, but that herconsciencetells her, she has contributed nothing to it herself. She appeals to theirclosets, to their books of devotion, to testify what care she has taken to establish her children in piety.
8. Now, tho’ I don’t intend to say, that no daughters are brought up in abetter waythan this; yet thus much may be said, that the greater part of them are not brought up so well, or accustomed to so much religion.
Their minds are turned as much to the care of their beauty and dress, without having such rules of devotion to stand against it. So that ifsolidpiety is much wanted in that sex, it is the plain consequence of a corrupt education.
And if they are often ready to receive the firstfops,beaux, and finedancers, for their husbands, ’tis no wonder that they should like that in men, which they have been taught to admire in themselves.
Some people will perhaps say, that I am exercising too great a severity against the sex.
But reasonable persons will observe, that I spare thesex, and only arraign theireducation; that I not only spare them, but plead theirinterest, assert theirhonour, and only condemn thateducationwhich is soinjuriousthereto.
Their education I cannot spare; but the only reason is, because it is theirgreatest enemy, because it deprives the world of so manyblessings, and the church of so manysaints.
If it should here be said, that I even chargetoo highupon theireducation, and that they are not somuchhurt by it, as I imagine.
It may be answered, that tho’ I don’t pretend to state theexact degreeof mischief that is done by it, yet its plain and natural tendency to do harm, is sufficient to justify the mostabsolutecondemnation of it.
9. But how possible it is to bring up daughters in a more excellent way, let the following character declare.
*Eusebiais a pious widow, well born, and well bred, and has a good estate for five daughters, whom she brings up as one entrusted by God, to fit five virgins for the kingdom of heaven. Her family has the same regulation as areligious house, and all its orders tend to the support of a constant regular devotion.
She loves them as her spiritual children, and they reverence her as their spiritual mother, with an affection far above that of the fondest friends.
She has divided part of her estate among them, that every one may be charitable out of their own stock, and each of them take it in their turns to provide for thepoorandsickof the parish.
Eusebiabrings them up to all kinds of labour that are proper for women, assewing,knitting,spinning, and all other parts ofhousewifery; not for theiramusement, but that they may be serviceable to themselves and others, and be saved from those temptations which attend an idle life.
She tells them, she had rather see them reduced to the necessity of maintaining themselves by their own work, than to have riches to excuse themselves from labour. For tho’, says she, you may be able to assist the poor without your labour, yet by your labour you will be able to assist them more.
10. IfEusebiahas lived as free from sin as it is possible for human nature, it is because she is always watching and guarding againstall instancesof pride. And if her virtues are stronger and higher than other peoples, ’tis because they are all founded in a deephumility.
My children, says she, when your father died, I was much pitied by my friends, as having all the care of a family, and the management of an estate fallen upon me.
But my own grief was founded upon another principle: I was grieved to see myself deprived of so faithful a friend; and that such an eminent example of Christian virtues should be taken from the eyes of his children, before they were of an age to love and follow it.
But as to worldly cares, which my friends thought so heavy upon me, they are most of them of our own making, and fall away as soon as weknow ourselves.
If a person in adreamis disturbed with strange appearances, his trouble is over as soon as he isawake, and sees that it was a dream.
Now, when a right knowledge of ourselves enters into our minds, it makes as great a change in all our thoughts and apprehensions, as when weawakefrom thewandringsof a dream.
We acknowledge a man to bemadormelancholy, who fancies himself to beglass, and so is afraid of stirring; or taking himself to bewax, dares not let thesunshine upon him.
But, my children, there are things in the world which pass forwisdom,politeness,grandeur,happiness, andfine breeding, which shew as greatignoranceof ourselves, and might as justly pass forthorough madness, as when a man fancies himself to beglassorice.
A woman that dares not appear in the world withoutfine cloaths, that thinks it is a happiness to have a facefinely coloured, to have a skindelicately fair, that had rather die than be reduced to poverty, and be forced to work for a maintenance, is as ignorant of herself to the full, as he that fancies himself to beglass.
11. For this reason, all my discourse with you, has been to acquaint you with yourselves, and toaccustom you to such books, as might best instruct you in this greatest of all knowledge.
You would think it hard, not to know the family into which you was born, what ancestors you were descended from, and what estate was to come to you; but, my children, you may know all this with exactness, and yet be as ignorant of yourselves, as he that takes himself to bewax.
For tho’ you were all of you born of my body, and bear your father’s name, yet you are all of youpure spirits. I don’t mean that you have not bodies;♦but thatallwhich deserves to be calledyou, is nothing else butspirit. A being spiritual and rational in its nature; that is as contrary to all corporeal beings, aslifeis contrary todeath; that is made in the image of God, to live for ever, never to cease any more, but to enjoylife, andreason, andknowledge, andhappinessin the presence of God, and the society of angels, and glorious spirits, to all eternity.
♦‘hut’ replaced with ‘but’
Every thing that you call yours, besides this spirit, is but like yourcloathing; something that is only to be used for awhile, and then to end, and die, and wear away, and to signify no more to you than thecloathingandbodiesof other people.
12. But, my children, you are not only in this mannerspirits, but you arefallenspirits, that began your life in a state of corruption and disorder, full of tempers and passions, that blind anddarken your reason, and incline you to that which is hurtful.
Your bodies are not only poor and perishing like your cloaths, but they are like illinfected cloaths, that fill you with ill diseases, which oppress the soul with sickly appetites, and vain cravings.
So that all of us are like two beings, that have, as it were, two hearts within us; with the one we see, and taste, and admire reason, and holiness; with the other we incline to pride, and vanity, and sensual delights.
If you would know the one thing necessary to all the world, it is this, to preserve and perfect all that isrational,holy, anddivinein our nature, and to mortify, remove, and destroy allvanity,pride, andsensuality.
Could you think, my children, when you look at the world, and see whatcustoms, andfashions, andpleasures, andtroubles, andprojects, employ the hearts and time of mankind, that things were thus?
But don’t you be affected at these things; the world is in a greatdream, and but few people are awake in it.
We fancy that we fall into darkness, when we die; but alas, we are most of us in the dark till then; and the eyes of our souls only then begin to see, when our bodily eyes are closing.
13. You see then your state, my children; you are to improve and perfect the spirit that iswithin you; you are to prepare it for the kingdom of heaven, to nourish it with the love of God, to adorn it with good works, and to make it as holy and heavenly as you can. You are to preserve it from the errors and vanities of the world; to save it from the corruptions of the body, from those false delights and sensual tempers which the body tempts it with.
You are to nourish your spirits with pious readings, and holy meditations, with watchings, fastings, and prayers, that you may relish that eternal state which is to begin when this life ends.
As to your bodies, you are to consider them aspoor,perishingthings, that are corrupt at present, and will soon drop into common dust; you are to watch over them asenemies, that are always trying to betray you, and so never follow their counsel; you are to consider them as theplaceandhabitationof your souls, and so keep themclean, anddecent; you are to consider them as the servants and instruments of action, and so give themfood, andrest, andraiment, that they may be strong and healthful to do the duties of a charitable, useful, pious life.
Whilst you live thus, you live like yourselves; and whenever you have less regard to your souls, or more regard to your bodies; whenever you are more intent upon adorning your persons, than upon perfecting your souls, you are much morebeside yourselves, than he that had rather have alaced coat, than an healthful body.
14. For this reason, my children, I have taught you nothing that was dangerous for you to learn: I have kept you from every thing that might betray you intoweaknessandfolly; or make you think any thing fine, but afine mind; any thing happy, but the favour of God; or any thing desirable, but to do all the good you possibly can.
Instead of the vain, immodest entertainment ofplaysandoperas, I have taught you to delight in visiting thesickandpoor. What♦music, anddancing, anddiversionsare to many in the world, that prayers and devotions, and psalms are to you. Your hands have not been employed in plaiting the hair, and adorning your persons; but in making cloaths for the naked. You have not wasted your fortunes upon yourselves; but have added your labour to them, to do more good to other people.
♦‘musick’ replaced with ‘music’
Instead of forcedshapes,genteel airs, andaffected motions, I have taught you to conceal your bodies withmodest garments, and let the world have nothing to view of you, but theplainness, andsincerity, andhumilityof all your behaviour.
15. You know, my children, thehigh perfection, and thegreat rewardsof virginity; you know how it frees from worldly cares and troubles, and furnishes means and opportunities ofhigher advancements in the divine life. Therefore love, and esteem, and honour virginity: bless God for all that glorious company of holy virgins, that from the beginning of Christianity have, in the several ages of the church, renounced the cares and pleasures of matrimony, to be perpetual examples of contemplation and prayer.
But as every one has their proper gift from God, as I look upon you all to be so many great blessings of a married state; so I leave to your choice, either to do as I have done, or to aspire after higher degrees of perfection in a virgin state.
I press nothing upon you, but to make the most of human life, and to aspire after perfection in whatever state you chuse.
Never therefore consider yourselves as persons that are to beseen,admired, andcourtedby men; but aspoor sinners, that are to save yourselves from the vanities and follies of a miserable world. Learn to live for your own sakes, and the service of God; and let nothing in the world be of any value with you, but that which you can turn into a service to God, and a means of your future happiness.
16. Whether married therefore, or unmarried, consider yourselves as mothers and sisters, as friends and relations to all that want your assistance; and never allow yourselves to be idle,whilst others are in want of any thing that your hands can make for them.
This useful, charitable, humble employment of yourselves, is what I recommend to you with great earnestness; and besides the good you will thereby do to other people, your own heart will be improved by it.
For next toreading,meditation, andprayer, there is nothing that so secures our hearts from foolish passions, as someuseful,humbleemployment of ourselves.
Never therefore consider your labour as anamusement, that is to get rid of your time, and so may be as trifling as you please; but consider it as something that is to be serviceable to yourselves and others, that is to serve some sober ends of life, to save and redeem your time, and make it turn to your account, when the works of all people shall be tried by fire.
If there is any good to be done by your labour, if you can possibly employ yourselves usefully to other people, how silly is it, how contrary to the wisdom of religion, to make that amere amusement, which might as easily be made an exercise of thegreatest charity?
What would you think of the wisdom of him, that should employ his time in distilling of waters, and making liquors which no body could use, merely to amuse himself with the variety of their colour, when, with less labour and expence,he might satisfy the wants of those who have nothing to drink?
Yet he would be as wisely employed, as those that are amusing themselves with such tedious works as they neither need, nor hardly know how to use when they are finished; when, with less labour and expence, they might be doing as much good, as he that iscloathingthe naked, orvisitingthe sick.
Be glad therefore to know the wants of the poorest people, and let your hands be employed in making such things for them, as their necessities require. By thus making your labour a gift and service to the poor, your ordinary work will be changed into a holy service, and made as acceptable to God as your devotions.
This will make you true disciples of your meek Lord and Master, whocame into the world not to be ministered unto, but to minister; and tho’ he was Lord of all, and among the creatures of his own making, yet was among themas one that serveth.
17. Christianity has then had its effect upon your hearts, when it has removed pride from you, and made you delight in humbling yourselves beneath the lowest of all your fellow creatures.
Live therefore, my children, as you have begun your lives, in humble labour for the good of others; not in ceremonious visits and vain acquaintances. Contract no foolish friendships, orvain fondnesses for particular persons; but love them most, that most turn your love towards God, and your compassion towards all the world.
But above all, avoid the conversation offine-bred fopsandbeaux, and hate nothing more than the idle discourse, the flattery and compliments of that sort of men; for they are theshameof their ownsex, and ought to be theabhorrenceof yours.
When you go abroad, let humility, modesty, and a decent carriage, be all thestateyou take upon you; and let tenderness, compassion, and good-nature, be all thefine breedingyou shew in any place.
If evilspeaking,scandal, orbackbiting, be the conversation where you happen to be, be as much grieved as if you was amongst cursing and swearing, and retire as soon as you can.
Tho’ you intend to marry, yet let the time never come, till you find a man that has those perfections which you have been labouring after yourselves; who is likely to be a friend to all your virtues, and with whom it is better to live, than to want the benefit of his example.
18. Lovepoverty, and reverencepoor people; as for many reasons, so particularly for this, because our blessed Saviour was one of the number.
Visit and converse with them frequently; you will often findsimplicity,innocence,patience,fortitude, and great piety amongst them.
Rejoice at every opportunity of doing an humble action; whether it be, as the scripture expresses it, inwashing the saints feet, that is, in waiting upon, and serving those that are below you, or in bearing with the haughtiness and ill manners of those that are your equals, or above you. For there is nothing better than humility; it is the fruitful soil of all virtues, and every thing that is kind and good, naturally grows from it.
Therefore, my children, pray for, and practise, humility; and reject every thing indress, orcarriage, orconversation, that has any appearance of pride.
Strive to do every thing that is praise-worthy, but do nothing in order to be praised; nor think of any reward for your labours of love, till Christ cometh with all his holy angels.
19. And above all, my children, have a care of vain thoughts of your own virtues. For as soon as ever people live different from the common way of the world, the devil represents to their minds the height of their perfections; and is content they should excel in good works, provided he can make them proud of them.
Therefore watch over your virtues with a jealous eye, and reject every vain thought, as you would reject the most wicked imaginations; andthink what a loss it would be to you, to have the fruit of all your good works devoured by the vanity of your minds.
Never therefore allow yourselves to despise those who do not follow your rules, but love them, and pray to God for them; and let humility be alwayswhisperingin your ears, that you yourselves would fall from those rules to-morrow, if God should leave you to your own strength and wisdom.
When therefore you have spent days and weeks well, do not suffer your hearts to contemplate any thing as your own, but give all the glory to God, who has carried you thro’ such rules of holy living, as you were not able to observe by your own strength; and take care to begin the next day, not as proficients in virtue, that can do great matters, but aspoor beginners, that want the daily assistance of God to save you from thegrossest sins.
20. Your dear father was an humble, watchful, pious, wise man. Whilst his sickness would suffer him to talk with me, his discourse was chiefly about your education. He knew the benefits of humility, he saw the ruins which pride made in our sex; and therefore he conjured me with the tenderest expressions, to renounce thefashionable waysof educating daughters inprideandsoftness, in the care of theirbeautyanddress; and to bring you all up in theplainest,simplestinstances of an humble, holy, and industrious life.
He taught me an admirable rule of humility, which he practised all the days of his life; which was this, to let no morning pass, without thinking upon somefrailtyandinfirmityof our own, that may put us toconfusion, make usblush inwardly, and entertain a mean opinion of ourselves.
Think therefore, my children, that the soul of your good father, who is now with God, speaks to you through my mouth; and let the double desire of your father, who is gone, and me, who am with you, prevail upon you to love God, to study your own perfection, to practise humility, and, with innocent labour, to do all the good you can to all your fellow creatures, till God calls you to another life.
*Thus did the pious widow educate her daughters. And a very ordinary knowledge of thespiritofChristianity, may convince us, that no education can be of true advantage to young women, but that which trains them up inhumble industry, ingreat plainnessof life, inexact modestyofdress,mannersandcarriage, and instrict devotion. For what should a Christian woman be, but aplain,unaffected,modest,humblecreature, averse to every thing in herdressandcarriage, that can draw the eyes of beholders, or gratify the passions of lewd and amorous persons?
21. *These considerations may teach you to let no day pass, without a serious application to God, for thewhole spiritof humility: fervently beseeching him to fill every part of your soul with it; to make it the ruling, constant habit of your mind, that you may not only feel it, but feel all your other tempers arising from it; that you may have no thoughts, no desires, no designs, but such as are the true fruits of an humble, meek, and lowly heart.
That you may always appear poor, and little, and mean in your own eyes, and fully content that others should have the same opinion of you.
That the whole course of your life, yourexpence, yourhouse, yourdress, your manner ofeating,drinking,conversing, and doingevery thing, may be so many continual proofs of the humility of your heart.
That you may look for nothing, claim nothing, resent nothing; that you may go thro’ all the actions of life calmly and quietly, as in the presence of God, looking wholly unto him, acting wholly for him; neither seeking applause, nor resenting neglects, or affronts, but doing and receiving every thing in the meek and lowly spirit of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.