CHAPTERIII.The same subject continued.THE continued advancement of his soul in the knowledge of God, is very discernible in the preceding sketch of his experience: although in the expression of it, and of what follows in particular, he seems often at a loss for words; human language falling so far short of those things of God, which can only be spiritually discerned. In these collections we see a soul peculiarly remarkable for a daily, serious, steady, exact and uniform course of walking inwardly with God, and attending outwardly on all the precepts of the gospel. He poured out, simply his thoughts from the standing treasury of his heart, for his own sole use; for the more effectual promotion of his intercourse with God, and for the better adjustment of all his spiritual concerns.“1757.I was up before five, read and prayed till I went to chapel. I felt much. The Lord knows what! In the evening we (the society) met together in order to devote ourselves to God afresh, by renewing our covenant with him.My soul was greatly humbled before God, and felt that for my backslidings he might justly have cast me off: for although I have not wickedly departed from my God, yet for my blots and short-comings I was made to blush. Jesus however I know stands my advocate, and because he lives I live also.”*“I rose early, and after prayer and sermon communicated. The adorable Saviour gave me a taste of his sweetness, and a sight of his glory. I read, prayed, and conversed with Christian friends the rest of the day; waiting for perfect love, and exhorting others earnestly to seek after the same. Surely nothing is so desirable as this: God in us, and the very perfection of gospel holiness. No man can be thoroughly blessed till this unmixed love of God purifies his heart and fills his whole soul.”“In all I did all day, God was my life, my joy and my strength. His love was as fire within me. I never felt such a burning in my heart before. O Jesus, what hast thou done for me!”*“I saw this day on a very triffling occasion, the necessity of having supernatural light, and a witness from God in all things, even of the common affairs of life, that I please him. Some things occur which seem to be in equilibrio, so that one may reason for hours, and not be able to turn the scale. O may I never want lightfrom God, whereby I may clearly discern what I ought to do, and what avoid! And O let me have thy strength also, or the light that is in me will be turned to darkness; for alas, I often see my way but am lame, or drag on heavily!”“Happy the man who gives up all for Christ. Who having discovered, that the favour and enjoyment of God is thepearl of great price, sells all earthly loves, and longs that he may buy,—freely receive the unspeakable gift of God.”*“Soon after ten, I lay down but could not sleep, through a deep and comfortable sense of the love of Christ. His Spirit rested upon me and made my heart flame with love tomy God, and my all. It never entered into my heart to conceive the loving him with all the heart, till he revealed it to me by his Spirit.”“Throughout the whole of my progress, I feel that Satan is my enemy, but Jesus is my friend. I fear not then: my Lord will save me from every evil work, and preserve me to his heavenly kingdom.”“The fire of divine love burned incessantly in my soul. Yet I perceive I must still wear some of the marks of my captivity, namely sickness, infirmity and death. My soul would fain fly up to God, but I am yet detained. I conversed with some eminent Christians, and Jesus fulfilled his word, being with us of a truth.”“This day was as yesterday, and much more abundantly. Indeed I can declare how greatlythe Lord abased my soul, and broke me as it were in pieces. I could not perceive, that any sin had place in me; but I wait for a stronger evidence that I am made pure in heart. O God, shew me what by grace I am. Shew me if there be pride, anger or unbelief in my heart. Jesus, Son of the living God, send down theHoly Ghostfrom the Father, to bear me witness, and to shine upon thine own work. Humble and prove, but strengthen and comfort me too. I am thine. There is not one doubt in my heart thou wilt save me for ever. I sing praises!Te Deumis sweet to me; so isthe Magnificate, and theNunc Dimittis. O what has God wrought for me! Jesus thou art my strength and righteousness! I am safe in thee, thou art my rock! Salvation is unto me for walls and bulwarks.”“Having preached on,obtained promises, and having met the society, I retired about ten: it was a festal day to my soul. I do feel from experience and scripture, that God has indeed changed my heart, and destroyed the works of the devil. My heart cried for humility and love; the whole mind of Christ.”“The love of God still increased more abundantly than ever; the fire burned vehemently within me. I saw more clearly, that God had confirmed me in his favour; and that all was quietness and assurance for ever. I am astonished at the gift of God, and am willing if it pleasethhim to be hated of all nations for his name-sake. I will sing of mercy and judgment.”“This day I was sorely tempted. Lord Jesus, thou knowest what my temptations are. I would rather die than deny thee by sinning against thee. Thou seest my simple heart. O guard and cover my head. My enemies are many, subtle, and powerful, and malicious; but thou art greater than them all. O God, thou art my friend, and strong helper, I will trust, and not be afraid.”“I sensibly felt the Lord impressing his image on my soul. O perfect love! ’Tis all in all in religion. I want it above every thing, even this fulness of God in Christ.”“The Lord gives me to drink of his love as out of a river. All things work together for my good. May every one that is godly, praise him for this, and trust in his name for ever!”“I took to my bed through violence of pain in my head, and other symptoms of a fever. I resigned myself to God, and was unmoved. I wept with gratitude to my good God. My fever soon abated, and in the night I got rest. So graciously does he deal with me!”*“At the Lord’s table, I had not only a clear witness that all was forgiven me; but likewise strong assurance, that God had purified my heart by faith. My soul was deeply affected with his love. The blessed Jesus is present with, and precious to me. O let my soul adore the Lord,and tell of his works with gladness. Let this be written for the generations to come.”*“I wept with a sense of the goodness of God to me, and found all my dependance is on Christ. Christ alone! He makes me to rejoice in his salvation. His blood, and not my holiness, or usefulness is the only cause of my acceptance, and final justification. O who can bear praise, and rejoice in contempt? Only he that is fully crucified with Christ. This is my aim, to burn and flame with pure love to God. Nothing less than the full enjoyment of him shall ever satisfy me. Thy presence makes my heaven. O praise the Lord ye servants of the Lord, all ye that do his pleasure! Why am I not lost in astonishment and love! O the goodness and condescension of the blessed Jesus!”“I was this day extremely ill in body; there was a burning all over my flesh. But God was the rest and life of my soul; who, notwithstanding my sickness, enabled me to continue in prayer and reading his word; yea, there was a burning of love in my heart. O may I sink into this boundless sea, and lose myself in God!”“This afternoon, taking a view of my whole life, from my infancy, the manner of bringing me up,&c.I could not but admire and adore with weeping, the goodness of God for his dealings with me. I was an ignorant poor sinner; having no knowledge of God, and little of this world. But the Lord looked upon me, and saidunto melive! My soul doth praise and magnify his name for ever! O for an enlarged heart! Jesus thou art my strength.”*“I believe great things are at hand for me. This was one of my best days, nothing will satisfy me tillJohnxiv.23.is more fully than ever fulfilled in me:And my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him. Jesus saithI come quickly. Lord Jesus come! My soul burns with desire. I pant for the living God. O strengthen me to do always the things that please Thee! I believe thou wilt fully and finally save me.”“O what a mystery is the love of Christ! How sweet a banquet! How delicious a wine! Lord thou hast ravished me with thy love! Death is now sweet to me; and eternity affords me a most blessed and glorious hope. O what has God done for me! Holy Lord, accept of my heartiest praise, and the most perfect love that I at present can give.”*“Both my body and soul were affected, with the great power of God resting upon me this Day. My whole nature bowed before the present deity; and his high praises were in my mouth. He said unto my soul, ‘Thou art made whole.’ I replied, ‘Lord, I believe.’”“In the midst of a variety of critical circumstances, my conscience was kept pure.He that walketh uprightly, walketh surely.AndWhat canharm you if ye be followers of that which is good?”*“My soul longs for fuller union with God; for more of the root and fruit of holiness, faith, and love. O let me lean on thy breast, and kiss thy feet. Keep me, my Lord, in thy bosom.”“All day my cup ran over. I came to my room both wet and weary and lay down happy. My spirit still magnifies the Lord. I rest in him. He giveth his beloved rest.”*“To rejoice evermore, is my portion under the sun. My heart dissolves with the goodness of God. Truly thou art unto mea place of broad rivers, Isaiahxxxiii.Blessed be the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost! A stranger intermeddleth not with the happiness which I feel! The half cannot be told. O, it is heaven upon earth! After several exercises of faith, love and prayer, I lay down in peace. My heart is full; and yet‘A point my good, a drop my store,‘Eager I ask, and pant for more.’“O how sweet is it to retire from the world; yea, even from converse with the holiest Christians, to wait upon God alone; and to get closer acquaintance with the blessed Jesus. Happy the man that can go to God at any time, praying to him with faith and fervency. My God, all my soul cries aloud for more of thy light and love. Manifest thyself more fully within me!”“Lord, I know not that there is any one living, that has greater cause to love, and serve thee in truth, than myself; for thy ways of love towards me, have been, and still are very wonderful. O how many sins hast thou forgiven me? How many snares of the devil hast thou broken, and delivered me from? How many pains and afflictions hast thou supported me under? How many fears and sorrows hast thou from time to time, banished from my heart? Thou hast given me also of thy gifts; and with reverence I speak it, thou hast given me thy grace. Thou hast sent me to preach thy word, and given me favour in the eyes of the people; neither have I spent my strength in vain. I believe Lord thou hast given me thyself, and that thou wilt give me in, and with thee, both grace and glory!”*“I retired to fast; and poured out my heart for my own soul, for the church of God, and for mankind in general; that God would reform the whole world. Days of fasting become sweet to me. I find more and more delight in them. But by grace I am saved. Jesus is my righteousness. Thro’ faith in his blood, I offer myself, and all I do to him. The favour of God I obtained by his death; the image of God is stamped upon my heart by his Spirit; and thro’ his intercession, I obtain everlasting life. And yet will he reward every man according to his works.”“I was this day sensibly convinced of the danger of following impulses of any kind, unless supported by the express authority of scripture. Nature andSatan, suggest a variety of things, which having a shew of truth and goodness, often lead persons into extravagance and error. It seems however a sure rule, that whatsoever promotes or increases purity and meekness, love towards God, and our neighbour, must be from heaven. And whatsoever does not tend to this, ought to be rejected. But O what need is there here, of spiritual discernment, to distinguish between the real graces of theHoly Ghost, and the counterfeit appearances of the devil, and self-love! God of truth, and of love, lead and establish my soul in the paths of justice, mercy, truth, and humility. Make me of a quick understanding in thy fear; nor leave me a moment to my own wisdom, or strength. My help cometh from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. Praise the Lord O my soul!”“I adore thee, O my God, that thou hast made it lawful for me to pray to thee. Oh, how great is thy condescension to regard such a poor creature as me! I will extol thy goodness, O Lord, my king.”“All day long my heart burned with the love of God. My desires were unutterable; but he who knows the mind of the Spirit, will grant me all my petitions.”“I had close trials: but the consolations of God were so many, and so strong, that I was borne above them. My body and soul were exceedingly strengthened by the divine grace. Thebaptism of fireI experience more than ever. But still I am a poor creature.”“O how soon will this dream of life be ended! Lord, I long to see thee as thou art. Give me patience, gracious Lord.”*“For about two hours in my room, I found such communion with God, as my pen cannot write: no, it is beyond the power of words to describe the happiness which I felt. Alas! that men should be so ungrateful to God, and such enemies to their own soul, as not to seek happiness in Jesus. O the delight of a soul fully united to God!”“At his table, the Lord met me this day, in a wonderful manner. My whole frame was so affected and overpowered, that I was ready to resign my soul into his hands.”“I was still more deeply sensible of God’s presence. My desire was so strong, that it even pained my breast exceedingly. Indeed I cannot tell what I then felt. It was the work of God; but he knows in what manner, and degree. The fire spread; the light shined; and the power wrought: in short,God within me lived! Sing a new song, O my soul; sing with a mighty voice. Proclaim to angels and men, the goodness of theLord. Jesus help me to praise thee yet more and more!”“I met with several trials to-day, but it was given me to bear them chearfully, and to praise the Lord, who has given me integrity of heart, and simplicity of intention, in all my ways. Lord I love thee. I will praise thy name yet more, even for ever and ever!”“O how plain is it, that God reveals to babes, those gracious things which are hid from the wise and prudent; so doth he magnify his mercy, and stain the pride of human glory. In my closet I wept much, that I may be more filled with God than ever.”“I thirsted and prayed this day to be with him. My whole soul was in a flame for God. O for more faith, to see him continually!”“Lord, I am sorely tempted, but thou comfortest me. I am happy in thy love. Still open thy kingdom more fully and powerfullywithinme.”“In all things I come short; but I have the testimony of a good conscience.”*“I stand as in the presence of God. The awe of God I feel rests upon my soul. O how dreadful, and yet how joyful is this place! Lord Jesu, thou artImmanuel, God withme!”“I mourned for the sins of the people, and found a willingness even to lay down my life, if that would save them from hell. Many wept, and trembled. O the depths of love in God!”“I felt this day an ardent desire to suffer for his name-sake, tho’ I am conscious of my own weakness.”“Being much disturbed by dreams, I rose early, and called upon God. I continued reading, praying, and weeping, till seven in the evening. I was mollified, and deeply humbled. My soul adoredImmanuel, and desired to die, rather than offend him. O Holy Ghost, abide with, and in me for ever! A short sentence which occurred this day in reading, and which I made the subject of discourse, deeply affected me; namely.’אלהים אתה אלי‘“O God, thou art my God. Blessed be thy Majesty, and exalted be thy name. Let the earth and heavens praise and proclaim thy greatness and glory. Jesus, I love and adore thee! My soul’s delight is in thee!”“I was told of some who talked evil of me. I prayed for myself, and for them, and truly the love of God was as a mighty fire in my soul. O what a heaven is this!”“Altho’ love and joy lived and flowed in me, yet I wept and made supplication, being strongly tempted by the devil. Ah Lord. Thou knowest my state and trials. My desire is before thee, and my groanings are not hid from thee. Hast not thou made me pure, and sealed me thine for ever! Shine on thy work, and bear thy witnesswith my heart. Suffer not thy servant to be of a doubtful mind.”“I see, that I ought to be much in prayer for theHoly Ghost. I plainly perceive that to be taught by him for one hour, is more profitable to the soul than many days reading.”“I spent several hours in private, begging of God to enable me to fulfil the law of love. I feel so as I cannot write, the extent of Christian obedience. How deep, how wide!”“Deliver me O Lord from the strife of tongues, and from the ungodly, who are a sword of thine. I found in retirement this day sore struggles, and deep consolation.”*“O how great is the profit of simple prayer, and diligent reading of the holy scriptures? They are I find, of singular service to me. My soul is calmed, sweetened, melted, invigorated, and sensibly strengthened in the exercise of these holy duties. I weep and pray, and give thanks: yet still, I want deeper repentance, and much more humility. I would be penetrated with the sense ofmy ownhelplessness; and I do not find power equal to my will. I live however by faith, and find God unspeakably, and continually present.”“My soul was solidly happy, and longing for humility this day. I desire to be simple, and filled more abundantly with love to God and my neighbour.”“I never felt such gratitude to God, as I did this day, for bringing me from the idolatry of theRomishchurch. My heart was grieved in reading some of their horrid doctrines¹about saints, and images. O God, thou hast done this for me; and thou hast done many thousand things beside for me; and now I beseech thee do this for me, give me an humble, thankful and penitent heart.”¹He was about this time, employed partly in reading BishopUsher’s famous disputation with theJesuitsinIreland. And of this book he says, ‘I cannot think that a papist who has learning and the fear of God, can, after reading it, remain in the errors ofPopery.’“This was a feast, and a fast day to my soul. All the ordinances of God are exceeding precious and profitable to me.”“I was all day deeply engaged with God: wept much, and prayed earnestly, yet I had not much joy. I had a full and firm confidence that he would fulfil his word of promise to my soul. My weakness can do nothing without thy power. I lay hold on thy strength, and offer myself to thy holy will. O let me glorify thee, as well bysufferingas bydoing.”“This morning I met with a woman where I breakfasted, who was exceeding happy in God. A few weeks ago I met her in the same place, but she was then utterly dead and careless. I then spoke plainly to her, and at parting, after prayer, said ‘I pray God you may never rest till you rest in Christ.’ The words were applied to her heart, and her burden increased every day, so that shewas brought almost to black despair, when God revealed his love in her heart. She could now scarce tell it thro’ weeping. O what a God is the God of the Christians!”“January 1758, Sunday 1.We met at four, and after prayer I preached on Psalmsxc.12. We had the goodMr.—— at the chapel, whose humility and fervour, more than compensated for the irregularity of his sermon. I have had much more happiness on other days, than on this sabbath, tho’ not more sincerity and resignation. I feel my weakness and confess my ignorance, and implore the wisdom and power of God.”“After being some hours in my room, the fire from heaven went through me, and I could praise the Lord continually, for his goodness to me. I find such an impression of his power and love, as cannot be expressed in words.”*“This whole sabbath was botha delight and honourableto me. Such revelations of God’s goodness; such manifestations of his Spirit, and such operations of his love, I never felt. My very outward man was affected and refreshed. It cannot be declared what I then felt. Oh there is much in these words,Ye shall be baptised with the Holy Ghost and with fire. Whatsoever I did, the Lord made it to prosper. O holy Father, let all the hosts of heaven praise and adore thy name!”“God is love. This is the foundation of all my hopes. I feel much shame, because of myinfirmities; but I have also sweet consolations.”“I was seized with a violent pain in my stomach, and was exceeding ill; however by the mercy and power of God, I went through the duties of the day with delight, and could thank God for pain, so as I never could before.”“As I read myGreektestament this morning, my soul magnified the Lord for the description, and progress of his work, contained in the acts of the apostles. And while I am now writing, my soul is so cheared with thefireof love, as I cannot describe, unless to such as experience the same.”“Lord, I have not publickly preached for thee this day, but I have had many blessings from thee, and mine heart has been in thy work. I beseech thee bless the labours of thy more faithful servants, whom I have heard.”*“I have great cause to praise God, that I am free from worldly care. Surely I was appointed to this work in which I am engaged. O that I may obtain mercy of the Lord, to be found faithful! O Jesus, plead thou my cause in the heavens, and fill me with thy grace here upon earth. All my hope of heaven stands in thee! O shew me, if there be ought in me which thou abhorrest? And let me hear thee say, ‘Thou art all fair, my love, there is no spot in thee.’”“O that I could love and obey, as fast as I learn. Truth appears to me every day with new lustre:new springs are opened, and the best wine kept until last.”“Sunday 19.After asking help from God, I preached my farewel sermon (farewel indeed; It was the last he preached inLondon, and the last day of his being there) at the Foundery, fromActsxx.32.And now, brethren I commend you to God, and to the word of his grace, which is able to build you up, and to give you an inheritance among all them which are sanctified.And in the evening, I bid them farewel at the chapel inWest-street, fromColossiansii.6.As ye have therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk ye in him.In all the duties of the day, public and private, God was exceeding gracious to me. I believe I never felt such strength of love. I was in truthsick of love. I could not sufficiently praise him. All words come far short of what I felt. Lord, thou hast given me much favour in the eyes of this people. They shew it by words and deeds; yea prayers and tears! Reward them a thousand fold. Bring me safe toBristol, that there I may shew forth the praises of the Lord, and declare thy righteousness, and thy salvation. Amen, Lord Jesus.”“Monday 20.After prayer with our family, I set out in the machine. I read myHebrew psalter, andthe Christian pattern. I found great tranquility of mind, and my spirit was refreshed with the goodness of God. I conversed with three gentlemen, my companions in the coach,on divine subjects. I prayed earnestly to God before I set out, that my fellow travellers might not swear or curse, and the Lord heard me; for so it was; they rather approved of scripture subjects and studies. O the joy of a good conscience! And the rest which the soul finds in the love of God. The Lord supplies the absence of friends, and all things that are dear to us. His presence makes our paradise. It is notwherebut what we are, which is the great matter.”“Thursday 23.AtBristol, I metMr.W. T. under whose preaching (as has been related) God gave me the clear witness of his forgiving love. Our meeting was for the better.As iron sharpneth iron, so doth the countenance of a man his friend.We remembered the years of the right hand of the most high; and how the Lord filled our mouths with laughter, when he brought back our captivity. Lord bless this man, and make him faithful in all things! And now that I am come to this city to preach the gospel of the kingdom, and spend my life and strength in thy service; assist me O Lord, and make thy goodness known to me. Give me wisdom and strength, O help me Lord Jesus, to glorify thy name. Amen.”“I read through to day, the epistle ofSt.James. And I do not wonder that the proud, the sensual, and the lovers of the world, yea all the ungodly of the earth, should find fault with it. In prayer with the family, the spirit was poured outfrom on high upon us, and great grace rested upon us all.”“After prayer this morning, I began and read through, inGreekandLatinthe2d. Epistle toTimothy, and found much instruction, and reproof for my soul. O what a man ought a minister to be! How holy, and how wise! What courage, zeal, patience and temperance, are necessary for him in an especial manner in order to give account of himself and others to God with joy.”“Preaching on1 Johniv.18.My mind was more clearly enlightened than ever, to see thatperfect love is Christian perfection. By simple, but powerful faith, I desire to attain it; and to live and grow in this love, till my spirit returns to God.”With such desires, and in such meditations as these did he spend his days and nights, longing and sighing for the sight of God continually; and in his prayers, the violence of his affections, did not a little increase the weakness of his body.The End of theEleventhVolume.
The same subject continued.
THE continued advancement of his soul in the knowledge of God, is very discernible in the preceding sketch of his experience: although in the expression of it, and of what follows in particular, he seems often at a loss for words; human language falling so far short of those things of God, which can only be spiritually discerned. In these collections we see a soul peculiarly remarkable for a daily, serious, steady, exact and uniform course of walking inwardly with God, and attending outwardly on all the precepts of the gospel. He poured out, simply his thoughts from the standing treasury of his heart, for his own sole use; for the more effectual promotion of his intercourse with God, and for the better adjustment of all his spiritual concerns.
“1757.I was up before five, read and prayed till I went to chapel. I felt much. The Lord knows what! In the evening we (the society) met together in order to devote ourselves to God afresh, by renewing our covenant with him.My soul was greatly humbled before God, and felt that for my backslidings he might justly have cast me off: for although I have not wickedly departed from my God, yet for my blots and short-comings I was made to blush. Jesus however I know stands my advocate, and because he lives I live also.”
*“I rose early, and after prayer and sermon communicated. The adorable Saviour gave me a taste of his sweetness, and a sight of his glory. I read, prayed, and conversed with Christian friends the rest of the day; waiting for perfect love, and exhorting others earnestly to seek after the same. Surely nothing is so desirable as this: God in us, and the very perfection of gospel holiness. No man can be thoroughly blessed till this unmixed love of God purifies his heart and fills his whole soul.”
“In all I did all day, God was my life, my joy and my strength. His love was as fire within me. I never felt such a burning in my heart before. O Jesus, what hast thou done for me!”
*“I saw this day on a very triffling occasion, the necessity of having supernatural light, and a witness from God in all things, even of the common affairs of life, that I please him. Some things occur which seem to be in equilibrio, so that one may reason for hours, and not be able to turn the scale. O may I never want lightfrom God, whereby I may clearly discern what I ought to do, and what avoid! And O let me have thy strength also, or the light that is in me will be turned to darkness; for alas, I often see my way but am lame, or drag on heavily!”
“Happy the man who gives up all for Christ. Who having discovered, that the favour and enjoyment of God is thepearl of great price, sells all earthly loves, and longs that he may buy,—freely receive the unspeakable gift of God.”
*“Soon after ten, I lay down but could not sleep, through a deep and comfortable sense of the love of Christ. His Spirit rested upon me and made my heart flame with love tomy God, and my all. It never entered into my heart to conceive the loving him with all the heart, till he revealed it to me by his Spirit.”
“Throughout the whole of my progress, I feel that Satan is my enemy, but Jesus is my friend. I fear not then: my Lord will save me from every evil work, and preserve me to his heavenly kingdom.”
“The fire of divine love burned incessantly in my soul. Yet I perceive I must still wear some of the marks of my captivity, namely sickness, infirmity and death. My soul would fain fly up to God, but I am yet detained. I conversed with some eminent Christians, and Jesus fulfilled his word, being with us of a truth.”
“This day was as yesterday, and much more abundantly. Indeed I can declare how greatlythe Lord abased my soul, and broke me as it were in pieces. I could not perceive, that any sin had place in me; but I wait for a stronger evidence that I am made pure in heart. O God, shew me what by grace I am. Shew me if there be pride, anger or unbelief in my heart. Jesus, Son of the living God, send down theHoly Ghostfrom the Father, to bear me witness, and to shine upon thine own work. Humble and prove, but strengthen and comfort me too. I am thine. There is not one doubt in my heart thou wilt save me for ever. I sing praises!Te Deumis sweet to me; so isthe Magnificate, and theNunc Dimittis. O what has God wrought for me! Jesus thou art my strength and righteousness! I am safe in thee, thou art my rock! Salvation is unto me for walls and bulwarks.”
“Having preached on,obtained promises, and having met the society, I retired about ten: it was a festal day to my soul. I do feel from experience and scripture, that God has indeed changed my heart, and destroyed the works of the devil. My heart cried for humility and love; the whole mind of Christ.”
“The love of God still increased more abundantly than ever; the fire burned vehemently within me. I saw more clearly, that God had confirmed me in his favour; and that all was quietness and assurance for ever. I am astonished at the gift of God, and am willing if it pleasethhim to be hated of all nations for his name-sake. I will sing of mercy and judgment.”
“This day I was sorely tempted. Lord Jesus, thou knowest what my temptations are. I would rather die than deny thee by sinning against thee. Thou seest my simple heart. O guard and cover my head. My enemies are many, subtle, and powerful, and malicious; but thou art greater than them all. O God, thou art my friend, and strong helper, I will trust, and not be afraid.”
“I sensibly felt the Lord impressing his image on my soul. O perfect love! ’Tis all in all in religion. I want it above every thing, even this fulness of God in Christ.”
“The Lord gives me to drink of his love as out of a river. All things work together for my good. May every one that is godly, praise him for this, and trust in his name for ever!”
“I took to my bed through violence of pain in my head, and other symptoms of a fever. I resigned myself to God, and was unmoved. I wept with gratitude to my good God. My fever soon abated, and in the night I got rest. So graciously does he deal with me!”
*“At the Lord’s table, I had not only a clear witness that all was forgiven me; but likewise strong assurance, that God had purified my heart by faith. My soul was deeply affected with his love. The blessed Jesus is present with, and precious to me. O let my soul adore the Lord,and tell of his works with gladness. Let this be written for the generations to come.”
*“I wept with a sense of the goodness of God to me, and found all my dependance is on Christ. Christ alone! He makes me to rejoice in his salvation. His blood, and not my holiness, or usefulness is the only cause of my acceptance, and final justification. O who can bear praise, and rejoice in contempt? Only he that is fully crucified with Christ. This is my aim, to burn and flame with pure love to God. Nothing less than the full enjoyment of him shall ever satisfy me. Thy presence makes my heaven. O praise the Lord ye servants of the Lord, all ye that do his pleasure! Why am I not lost in astonishment and love! O the goodness and condescension of the blessed Jesus!”
“I was this day extremely ill in body; there was a burning all over my flesh. But God was the rest and life of my soul; who, notwithstanding my sickness, enabled me to continue in prayer and reading his word; yea, there was a burning of love in my heart. O may I sink into this boundless sea, and lose myself in God!”
“This afternoon, taking a view of my whole life, from my infancy, the manner of bringing me up,&c.I could not but admire and adore with weeping, the goodness of God for his dealings with me. I was an ignorant poor sinner; having no knowledge of God, and little of this world. But the Lord looked upon me, and saidunto melive! My soul doth praise and magnify his name for ever! O for an enlarged heart! Jesus thou art my strength.”
*“I believe great things are at hand for me. This was one of my best days, nothing will satisfy me tillJohnxiv.23.is more fully than ever fulfilled in me:And my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him. Jesus saithI come quickly. Lord Jesus come! My soul burns with desire. I pant for the living God. O strengthen me to do always the things that please Thee! I believe thou wilt fully and finally save me.”
“O what a mystery is the love of Christ! How sweet a banquet! How delicious a wine! Lord thou hast ravished me with thy love! Death is now sweet to me; and eternity affords me a most blessed and glorious hope. O what has God done for me! Holy Lord, accept of my heartiest praise, and the most perfect love that I at present can give.”
*“Both my body and soul were affected, with the great power of God resting upon me this Day. My whole nature bowed before the present deity; and his high praises were in my mouth. He said unto my soul, ‘Thou art made whole.’ I replied, ‘Lord, I believe.’”
“In the midst of a variety of critical circumstances, my conscience was kept pure.He that walketh uprightly, walketh surely.AndWhat canharm you if ye be followers of that which is good?”
*“My soul longs for fuller union with God; for more of the root and fruit of holiness, faith, and love. O let me lean on thy breast, and kiss thy feet. Keep me, my Lord, in thy bosom.”
“All day my cup ran over. I came to my room both wet and weary and lay down happy. My spirit still magnifies the Lord. I rest in him. He giveth his beloved rest.”
*“To rejoice evermore, is my portion under the sun. My heart dissolves with the goodness of God. Truly thou art unto mea place of broad rivers, Isaiahxxxiii.Blessed be the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost! A stranger intermeddleth not with the happiness which I feel! The half cannot be told. O, it is heaven upon earth! After several exercises of faith, love and prayer, I lay down in peace. My heart is full; and yet
‘A point my good, a drop my store,‘Eager I ask, and pant for more.’
‘A point my good, a drop my store,‘Eager I ask, and pant for more.’
‘A point my good, a drop my store,
‘Eager I ask, and pant for more.’
“O how sweet is it to retire from the world; yea, even from converse with the holiest Christians, to wait upon God alone; and to get closer acquaintance with the blessed Jesus. Happy the man that can go to God at any time, praying to him with faith and fervency. My God, all my soul cries aloud for more of thy light and love. Manifest thyself more fully within me!”
“Lord, I know not that there is any one living, that has greater cause to love, and serve thee in truth, than myself; for thy ways of love towards me, have been, and still are very wonderful. O how many sins hast thou forgiven me? How many snares of the devil hast thou broken, and delivered me from? How many pains and afflictions hast thou supported me under? How many fears and sorrows hast thou from time to time, banished from my heart? Thou hast given me also of thy gifts; and with reverence I speak it, thou hast given me thy grace. Thou hast sent me to preach thy word, and given me favour in the eyes of the people; neither have I spent my strength in vain. I believe Lord thou hast given me thyself, and that thou wilt give me in, and with thee, both grace and glory!”
*“I retired to fast; and poured out my heart for my own soul, for the church of God, and for mankind in general; that God would reform the whole world. Days of fasting become sweet to me. I find more and more delight in them. But by grace I am saved. Jesus is my righteousness. Thro’ faith in his blood, I offer myself, and all I do to him. The favour of God I obtained by his death; the image of God is stamped upon my heart by his Spirit; and thro’ his intercession, I obtain everlasting life. And yet will he reward every man according to his works.”
“I was this day sensibly convinced of the danger of following impulses of any kind, unless supported by the express authority of scripture. Nature andSatan, suggest a variety of things, which having a shew of truth and goodness, often lead persons into extravagance and error. It seems however a sure rule, that whatsoever promotes or increases purity and meekness, love towards God, and our neighbour, must be from heaven. And whatsoever does not tend to this, ought to be rejected. But O what need is there here, of spiritual discernment, to distinguish between the real graces of theHoly Ghost, and the counterfeit appearances of the devil, and self-love! God of truth, and of love, lead and establish my soul in the paths of justice, mercy, truth, and humility. Make me of a quick understanding in thy fear; nor leave me a moment to my own wisdom, or strength. My help cometh from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. Praise the Lord O my soul!”
“I adore thee, O my God, that thou hast made it lawful for me to pray to thee. Oh, how great is thy condescension to regard such a poor creature as me! I will extol thy goodness, O Lord, my king.”
“All day long my heart burned with the love of God. My desires were unutterable; but he who knows the mind of the Spirit, will grant me all my petitions.”
“I had close trials: but the consolations of God were so many, and so strong, that I was borne above them. My body and soul were exceedingly strengthened by the divine grace. Thebaptism of fireI experience more than ever. But still I am a poor creature.”
“O how soon will this dream of life be ended! Lord, I long to see thee as thou art. Give me patience, gracious Lord.”
*“For about two hours in my room, I found such communion with God, as my pen cannot write: no, it is beyond the power of words to describe the happiness which I felt. Alas! that men should be so ungrateful to God, and such enemies to their own soul, as not to seek happiness in Jesus. O the delight of a soul fully united to God!”
“At his table, the Lord met me this day, in a wonderful manner. My whole frame was so affected and overpowered, that I was ready to resign my soul into his hands.”
“I was still more deeply sensible of God’s presence. My desire was so strong, that it even pained my breast exceedingly. Indeed I cannot tell what I then felt. It was the work of God; but he knows in what manner, and degree. The fire spread; the light shined; and the power wrought: in short,God within me lived! Sing a new song, O my soul; sing with a mighty voice. Proclaim to angels and men, the goodness of theLord. Jesus help me to praise thee yet more and more!”
“I met with several trials to-day, but it was given me to bear them chearfully, and to praise the Lord, who has given me integrity of heart, and simplicity of intention, in all my ways. Lord I love thee. I will praise thy name yet more, even for ever and ever!”
“O how plain is it, that God reveals to babes, those gracious things which are hid from the wise and prudent; so doth he magnify his mercy, and stain the pride of human glory. In my closet I wept much, that I may be more filled with God than ever.”
“I thirsted and prayed this day to be with him. My whole soul was in a flame for God. O for more faith, to see him continually!”
“Lord, I am sorely tempted, but thou comfortest me. I am happy in thy love. Still open thy kingdom more fully and powerfullywithinme.”
“In all things I come short; but I have the testimony of a good conscience.”
*“I stand as in the presence of God. The awe of God I feel rests upon my soul. O how dreadful, and yet how joyful is this place! Lord Jesu, thou artImmanuel, God withme!”
“I mourned for the sins of the people, and found a willingness even to lay down my life, if that would save them from hell. Many wept, and trembled. O the depths of love in God!”
“I felt this day an ardent desire to suffer for his name-sake, tho’ I am conscious of my own weakness.”
“Being much disturbed by dreams, I rose early, and called upon God. I continued reading, praying, and weeping, till seven in the evening. I was mollified, and deeply humbled. My soul adoredImmanuel, and desired to die, rather than offend him. O Holy Ghost, abide with, and in me for ever! A short sentence which occurred this day in reading, and which I made the subject of discourse, deeply affected me; namely.
’אלהים אתה אלי‘
“O God, thou art my God. Blessed be thy Majesty, and exalted be thy name. Let the earth and heavens praise and proclaim thy greatness and glory. Jesus, I love and adore thee! My soul’s delight is in thee!”
“I was told of some who talked evil of me. I prayed for myself, and for them, and truly the love of God was as a mighty fire in my soul. O what a heaven is this!”
“Altho’ love and joy lived and flowed in me, yet I wept and made supplication, being strongly tempted by the devil. Ah Lord. Thou knowest my state and trials. My desire is before thee, and my groanings are not hid from thee. Hast not thou made me pure, and sealed me thine for ever! Shine on thy work, and bear thy witnesswith my heart. Suffer not thy servant to be of a doubtful mind.”
“I see, that I ought to be much in prayer for theHoly Ghost. I plainly perceive that to be taught by him for one hour, is more profitable to the soul than many days reading.”
“I spent several hours in private, begging of God to enable me to fulfil the law of love. I feel so as I cannot write, the extent of Christian obedience. How deep, how wide!”
“Deliver me O Lord from the strife of tongues, and from the ungodly, who are a sword of thine. I found in retirement this day sore struggles, and deep consolation.”
*“O how great is the profit of simple prayer, and diligent reading of the holy scriptures? They are I find, of singular service to me. My soul is calmed, sweetened, melted, invigorated, and sensibly strengthened in the exercise of these holy duties. I weep and pray, and give thanks: yet still, I want deeper repentance, and much more humility. I would be penetrated with the sense ofmy ownhelplessness; and I do not find power equal to my will. I live however by faith, and find God unspeakably, and continually present.”
“My soul was solidly happy, and longing for humility this day. I desire to be simple, and filled more abundantly with love to God and my neighbour.”
“I never felt such gratitude to God, as I did this day, for bringing me from the idolatry of theRomishchurch. My heart was grieved in reading some of their horrid doctrines¹about saints, and images. O God, thou hast done this for me; and thou hast done many thousand things beside for me; and now I beseech thee do this for me, give me an humble, thankful and penitent heart.”
¹He was about this time, employed partly in reading BishopUsher’s famous disputation with theJesuitsinIreland. And of this book he says, ‘I cannot think that a papist who has learning and the fear of God, can, after reading it, remain in the errors ofPopery.’
¹He was about this time, employed partly in reading BishopUsher’s famous disputation with theJesuitsinIreland. And of this book he says, ‘I cannot think that a papist who has learning and the fear of God, can, after reading it, remain in the errors ofPopery.’
¹He was about this time, employed partly in reading BishopUsher’s famous disputation with theJesuitsinIreland. And of this book he says, ‘I cannot think that a papist who has learning and the fear of God, can, after reading it, remain in the errors ofPopery.’
“This was a feast, and a fast day to my soul. All the ordinances of God are exceeding precious and profitable to me.”
“I was all day deeply engaged with God: wept much, and prayed earnestly, yet I had not much joy. I had a full and firm confidence that he would fulfil his word of promise to my soul. My weakness can do nothing without thy power. I lay hold on thy strength, and offer myself to thy holy will. O let me glorify thee, as well bysufferingas bydoing.”
“This morning I met with a woman where I breakfasted, who was exceeding happy in God. A few weeks ago I met her in the same place, but she was then utterly dead and careless. I then spoke plainly to her, and at parting, after prayer, said ‘I pray God you may never rest till you rest in Christ.’ The words were applied to her heart, and her burden increased every day, so that shewas brought almost to black despair, when God revealed his love in her heart. She could now scarce tell it thro’ weeping. O what a God is the God of the Christians!”
“January 1758, Sunday 1.We met at four, and after prayer I preached on Psalmsxc.12. We had the goodMr.—— at the chapel, whose humility and fervour, more than compensated for the irregularity of his sermon. I have had much more happiness on other days, than on this sabbath, tho’ not more sincerity and resignation. I feel my weakness and confess my ignorance, and implore the wisdom and power of God.”
“After being some hours in my room, the fire from heaven went through me, and I could praise the Lord continually, for his goodness to me. I find such an impression of his power and love, as cannot be expressed in words.”
*“This whole sabbath was botha delight and honourableto me. Such revelations of God’s goodness; such manifestations of his Spirit, and such operations of his love, I never felt. My very outward man was affected and refreshed. It cannot be declared what I then felt. Oh there is much in these words,Ye shall be baptised with the Holy Ghost and with fire. Whatsoever I did, the Lord made it to prosper. O holy Father, let all the hosts of heaven praise and adore thy name!”
“God is love. This is the foundation of all my hopes. I feel much shame, because of myinfirmities; but I have also sweet consolations.”
“I was seized with a violent pain in my stomach, and was exceeding ill; however by the mercy and power of God, I went through the duties of the day with delight, and could thank God for pain, so as I never could before.”
“As I read myGreektestament this morning, my soul magnified the Lord for the description, and progress of his work, contained in the acts of the apostles. And while I am now writing, my soul is so cheared with thefireof love, as I cannot describe, unless to such as experience the same.”
“Lord, I have not publickly preached for thee this day, but I have had many blessings from thee, and mine heart has been in thy work. I beseech thee bless the labours of thy more faithful servants, whom I have heard.”
*“I have great cause to praise God, that I am free from worldly care. Surely I was appointed to this work in which I am engaged. O that I may obtain mercy of the Lord, to be found faithful! O Jesus, plead thou my cause in the heavens, and fill me with thy grace here upon earth. All my hope of heaven stands in thee! O shew me, if there be ought in me which thou abhorrest? And let me hear thee say, ‘Thou art all fair, my love, there is no spot in thee.’”
“O that I could love and obey, as fast as I learn. Truth appears to me every day with new lustre:new springs are opened, and the best wine kept until last.”
“Sunday 19.After asking help from God, I preached my farewel sermon (farewel indeed; It was the last he preached inLondon, and the last day of his being there) at the Foundery, fromActsxx.32.And now, brethren I commend you to God, and to the word of his grace, which is able to build you up, and to give you an inheritance among all them which are sanctified.And in the evening, I bid them farewel at the chapel inWest-street, fromColossiansii.6.As ye have therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk ye in him.In all the duties of the day, public and private, God was exceeding gracious to me. I believe I never felt such strength of love. I was in truthsick of love. I could not sufficiently praise him. All words come far short of what I felt. Lord, thou hast given me much favour in the eyes of this people. They shew it by words and deeds; yea prayers and tears! Reward them a thousand fold. Bring me safe toBristol, that there I may shew forth the praises of the Lord, and declare thy righteousness, and thy salvation. Amen, Lord Jesus.”
“Monday 20.After prayer with our family, I set out in the machine. I read myHebrew psalter, andthe Christian pattern. I found great tranquility of mind, and my spirit was refreshed with the goodness of God. I conversed with three gentlemen, my companions in the coach,on divine subjects. I prayed earnestly to God before I set out, that my fellow travellers might not swear or curse, and the Lord heard me; for so it was; they rather approved of scripture subjects and studies. O the joy of a good conscience! And the rest which the soul finds in the love of God. The Lord supplies the absence of friends, and all things that are dear to us. His presence makes our paradise. It is notwherebut what we are, which is the great matter.”
“Thursday 23.AtBristol, I metMr.W. T. under whose preaching (as has been related) God gave me the clear witness of his forgiving love. Our meeting was for the better.As iron sharpneth iron, so doth the countenance of a man his friend.We remembered the years of the right hand of the most high; and how the Lord filled our mouths with laughter, when he brought back our captivity. Lord bless this man, and make him faithful in all things! And now that I am come to this city to preach the gospel of the kingdom, and spend my life and strength in thy service; assist me O Lord, and make thy goodness known to me. Give me wisdom and strength, O help me Lord Jesus, to glorify thy name. Amen.”
“I read through to day, the epistle ofSt.James. And I do not wonder that the proud, the sensual, and the lovers of the world, yea all the ungodly of the earth, should find fault with it. In prayer with the family, the spirit was poured outfrom on high upon us, and great grace rested upon us all.”
“After prayer this morning, I began and read through, inGreekandLatinthe2d. Epistle toTimothy, and found much instruction, and reproof for my soul. O what a man ought a minister to be! How holy, and how wise! What courage, zeal, patience and temperance, are necessary for him in an especial manner in order to give account of himself and others to God with joy.”
“Preaching on1 Johniv.18.My mind was more clearly enlightened than ever, to see thatperfect love is Christian perfection. By simple, but powerful faith, I desire to attain it; and to live and grow in this love, till my spirit returns to God.”
With such desires, and in such meditations as these did he spend his days and nights, longing and sighing for the sight of God continually; and in his prayers, the violence of his affections, did not a little increase the weakness of his body.
The End of theEleventhVolume.