Chapter 10

¹In proper English thus, “I tried and tried to save myself, till at last my strength was all gone, and I could not stir any further. Then at last I was forced to let Jesus Christ alone to send me to hell if he pleased.”²In plain English thus, “I could not help it. My heart would be wicked for all I could do, I could not make it good.”³“By and by my heart was exceeding glad that Jesus Christ would do with me what he pleased. Then I thought my heart would be glad although Christ should send me to hell. I did not care where he put me, I should love him for all:i. e.do what he would with me.”*And she could not readily be convinced, but that she was willing to go to hell, if Christ was pleased to send her there. Though the truth evidently was, her will was so swallowed up in the divine will, that she could not frame any hell in her imagination that would be dreadful, provided it was the will of God to send her to it.December 25. The Indians having been used upon Christmas-days to drink and revel among thewhitepeople, I thought proper to call them together, and discourse to them upon divine things: which I accordingly did from the parable of the barren figtree, Lukexiii.6–9. The power of God appeared in the assembly, by awakening several stupid creatures, that were scarce ever moved before. And the impressions made upon the assembly in general, seemed notsuperficial, butdeepand heart-affecting. O how ready did they appear to comply with every thing they were convinced was their duty! God was in the midst of us of a truth, bowing and melting stubborn hearts! How many tears and sobs were then to be seen and heard among us! What liveliness and strict attention! What eagerness and intenseness of mind! They seemed to watch and wait for the dropping of God’s word, as the thirsty earth for the “former and latter rain.”December 26. This evening I was visited by a person under great spiritual exercise. She was a woman of more thanfour-scoreyears old, and appeared to be much broken and verychildishthrough age, so that it seemed impossible for man to instil into her mind anynotionsof divine things.—She was led by the hand into my house, and appeared in extreme anguish. I asked her, what ailed her? She answered, “That her heart was distressed, and she feared she should never find Christ.” I asked her, when she began to be concerned? She answered to this effect, That she had heard me preach many times, but never “felt it in her heart” till the last sabbath; and then it came, she said, “all one as if a needle had been♦thrust into her heart;” since which time she had no rest day or night. She added, that on the evening before Christmas, a number of Indians being together at the house where she was, and discoursing aboutChrist, their talkpricked her heart, so that she could not sit up, but fell down on her bed; at which timeshe went away, (as she expressed it) and felt as if she dreamed, and yet is confident she did not dream. When she was thus gone, she saw, she says, two paths, one appeared very broad and crooked; and that turned to the left hand. The other appeared strait and very narrow; and that went up the hill to the right hand. She travelled, she said, for some time up the narrow right-hand path, till at length something seemed to obstruct herjourney. She sometimes called it darkness, and sometimes compared it to a block or bar. She then remembered, she says, what she had heard me say about “striving to enter in at the strait gate,” (although she took little notice of it at that time) and thought she would climb over this bar. But just as she was thinking of this, she came back again, as she termed it, meaning that she came to herself; whereupon her soul was extremely distressed, apprehending she had now turned back and forsaken Christ, and that there was therefore no hope of mercy for her.♦“thurst” replaced with “thrust”I then proposed to her the provision made in the gospel for the salvation of sinners, and the ability and willingness of Christ “to save to the uttermost all” (old as well as young) “that come to him.” To which she seemed to give a hearty assent. But instantly replied, “Ay, but I cannot come; my wicked heart will not come to Christ, I do not know how to come.” And this she spoke in anguish of spirit, striking her breast, with tears in her eyes; and with such earnestness in her looks as was indeed affecting.She seems to be really convinced of her sin and misery, and her need of a change of heart: and her concern is abiding and constant. So that nothing appears but that this exercise may have a saving issue. And indeed there is ground to hope for it, seeing she is solicitous to obtain an interest in Christ, that her heart, (as she expresses it) prays day and night.December 28. I discoursed to my people in the catechetical method I lately entered upon. And in the improvement of my discourse, wherein I was comparing man’spresentwith hisprimitivestate; and pressing sinners to take a view of their deplorable circumstances without Christ; as also to strive that they may obtain an interest in him; the Lord granted a remarkable influence of his blessed Spirit, and there was a great concern in the assembly: many were melted into tears, and the impressions made upon them seemeddeepand heart affecting. And in particular, there were two or three persons who appeared to be reduced almost to extremity; being convinced of the impossibility of helping themselves, or mending their own hearts; and upon thepointof giving up all hopein themselves, and venturing upon Christ as naked, helpless and undone.Lord’s-day. December 29. I preached from Johniii.1–5. a number of white people were present, as is usual upon the sabbath. The discourse seemed to have asilent, butdeepandpiercinginfluence upon the audience. Many wept and sobbed affectionately. And there were some tears among the white people, as well as the Indians. Some could not refrain from cryingout. But♦the impressions made upon their hearts, appeared chiefly by the extraordinary earnestness of their attention, and their heavy sighs and tears.♦“th” replaced with “the”*After public worship was over, I went to my house, proposing to preach again after a short intermission.But they soon came in, one after another, with tears in their eyes, to know “what they should do to be saved.” And the divine Spirit in such a manner, set home upon their hearts what I spoke to them, that the house was soon filled with cries and groans.——They all flocked together upon this occasion, and those whom I had reason to think in a Christless state, were almost universally seized with concern for their souls.It was an amazing season ofpoweramong them, and seemed as if God had “bowed the heavens and come down.” So astonishingly prevalent was the operation upon old as well as young, that it seemed as if God was about to convertall the world. And I was ready to thinkthen, that I should never again despair of the conversion of any man or woman living.*It is impossible to give a just description of the♦appearance of things at this season. A number were rejoicing that God had not taken away the influence of his blessed Spirit.——Refreshed to see so many “striving to enter in at the strait gate;”—and animated with such concern for them that they wanted “to push them forward,” as some of them expressed it.—At the same time numbers both of men and women, old and young, might be seen in tears, and some in anguish of spirit appearing in their very countenances, like condemned malefactors going towards the place of execution: so that there seemed a lively emblemof the solemn day of accounts; a mixture of heaven and hell; of joy unspeakable, and anguish inexpressible.♦“appearence” replaced with “appearance”*The concern was such, that I could not pretend to have any formal religious exercise among them: but spent the time in discoursing to one and another, sometimes all together, and concluded with prayer.Suchwere their circumstances, that I could scare havehalf an hour’s rest from speaking from about half an hour before twelve o’clock, (at which time I began public worship) till pastsevenat night.December 30. I was visited by four or five young persons under concern for their souls, most of whom were very lately awakened. They wept much while I discoursed to them and endeavoured to press upon them the necessity offlyingto Christ without delay, for salvation.December 31. I spent some hours this day in visiting my people from house to house: and scarce left a house, without leaving some or other of its inhabitants in tears, solicitously engaged to obtain an interest in Christ.The Indians are now gathered together from all quarters to this place, and have built them little cottages, so that more thantwentyfamilies live within a quarter of a mile of me, a very convenient situation in regard both of public and private instruction.Wednesday, January 1, 1745–6. I am this day beginning aNew-Year; and God has carried me through numerous trials and labours in the♦yearpast. He has amazingly supported my feeble frame; for “having obtained help of God, I continue to this day.” O that I might live nearer to God, this year than I did last! The business that I have been enabled to go through, I know, has been as great as nature is able to bear up under, and what would have sunk me quite, without special support. But alas! though I have done the labours and endured the trials, with what spirit I have done the one, and borne the other? How cold has my heart often been! and how little have I eyed the glory of God! I have found, that I could have no peace without filling up all my time with labours; and thus “necessity has been laid upon me;” yea, in that respect, I have loved to labour; but I could not sensibly labour forGod, as I would have done. May I for the future be enabled more sensibly to make the glory of God myall.♦“day” replaced with “year” per ErrataJanuary 2. I visited some persons newly come among us, who had scarce ever heard any thing of Christianity (but the name). I endeavoured to instruct them in the first principles of religion in the most easy and familiar manner I could.There are strangers from remote parts almost continually dropping in, so that I have occasion repeatedly to open and inculcate thefirst principlesof Christianity.Near night I proposed to have proceeded in my usual method of catechising. But while we were engaged in the first prayer, the power of God came upon the assembly in so remarkable a manner, that I thought it more expedient to insistupon the plentiful provision made for the redemption of perishing sinners, and to press them to aspeedyacceptance of thegreat salvation, than to ask them questions aboutdoctrinalpoints.I baptized two persons this day; one adult and one child.The woman has discovered an heavenly frame of mind, from her first reception of comfort. One morning in particular she came to see me, discovering an unusual joy in her countenance; and when I inquired the reason of it, she replied, “That God had made her feel that it wasrightfor him to do as he pleased with all things? She moreover inquired, whether I was not sent to preach to the Indians by some good people a great way off.” I replied, Yes, by the good people in Scotland. She answered, “that her heart loved those good people so, the evening before, that she could scarce help praying for them all night, her heart would go to God for them.”*Wednesday, January 8. My heart was drawn out after God: my soul was refreshed and quickened; I had great hopes of the ingathering of precious souls to Christ; not only among my own people, but others also. I was sweetly resigned under my bodily weakness; willing to live or die, and desirous to labour for God to the utmost of my strength.Friday, January 10. My soul was in a calm, composed frame, and my heart filled with love to all the world; and Christian simplicity andtenderness seemed to prevail and reign with me. Near night, I visited a serious baptist minister, and had some agreeable conversation with him.January 13. I was visited by divers persons under deep concern; one of whom was newly awakened.—It is a most agreeable work to treat with souls who are solicitously inquiring, “what they shall do to be saved?” And as we are never to “be weary in well-doing,” so the obligation is peculiarly strong when the work is so lively. And yet my health is so much impaired, and my spirit so wasted with my labours, and solitary manner of living, (there being no human creature in the house with me.) that their repeated and almost incessant application to me for help and direction, are sometimes exceeding burdensome. And what contributes much towards this difficulty is, that I am obliged to spendmuchtime communicating alittlematter to them; there being often many things necessary to be premised, before I can speak directly to what I principally aim at; which things would readily be taken for granted, where there was a competency of knowledge.Lord’s-day, January 19. I catechised in my ordinary method. Numbers were much affected. —Convictions powerfully revived.—Divers of the Christians refreshed and strengthened.—And one wearyheavy ladensoul, I have reason to hope, was brought to solid comfort in Christ.*He told me, he had often heard me say, that persons mustseeandfeelthemselves helpless andundone; that they must give up all hope of saving themselves by theirown doings, in order to their coming to Christ for salvation. And he had long been striving after this; supposing this would be an excellent frame of mind: that God would have respect tothisframe, and bestow eternal life upon him.——But when he came to feel himself in this helplessundonecondition, he found it quite contrary to all his thoughts: so that it was not thesame, nor indeed any thinglikethe frame he had been seeking after. Instead of its being agoodframe of mind, he now found nothing butbadnessin himself, and saw it for ever impossible for him to make himself any better. He was amazed he had neverbeforeseen that it was utterly impossible for him, by all his contrivances and endeavours, to do any thingthat way.——Instead of imagining that God would be pleased with him for the sake of this frame of mind, he saw clearly it would be just with God to send him to eternal misery; and that there wasno goodnessin what he then felt; for he could not help seeing, that he was naked, sinful, and miserable, and there was nothing in such a sight to deserve God’s love or pity.Inthisframe of mind he came to public worship this evening, and while I was inviting sinners to come to Christ naked and empty, withoutanygoodness oftheir ownto recommend themto his acceptance; he thought, that he had often tried to come and give up his heart to Christ, and he used to hope, that some time or other he should beableto do so. But now he was convincedhe could not, and it seemed utterly vain for him ever to tryany more: nor did he now hope for a better opportunity hereafter, as he had formerly done, because he saw, and was fully♦convinced, his own strength would for ever fail.♦“conviced” replaced with “convinced”*While he was musing in this manner, he saw, he said, with his heart (which is a common phrase among them) something that was unspeakably good and lovely, and what he had never seen before; and “this stole away his heart whether he would or no.” He did not, he said, know what it was he saw. He did not say, “this is Jesus Christ;” but it was such glory and beauty as he never saw before. He did not now give away his heartsoas he had formerly attempted to do, but itwent away of itselfafter that glory he then discovered. He used to try to make a bargain with Christ, to give up his heart to him, that he might have eternal lifefor it. But now he thought nothing about himself, but his mind was wholly taken up with the unspeakable excellency of what he then beheld.After some time he was wonderfully pleased with the way of salvation by Christ: so that it seemed unspeakably better to be saved altogether by themere free graceof God in Christ, than to haveany handin saving himself.——And theconsequence is, that he appears to retain a relish of divine things, and to maintain a life of true religion.Lord’s-day, January 26. After public worship, I was in a sweet and solemn frame of mind, thankful to God that he had made me in some measure faithful in addressing precious souls, but grieved that I had been no more fervent in my work; and tenderly affected towards all the world, longing that every sinner might be saved; and could not have entertained any bitterness towards the worst enemy living. In the evening, I rode to Elisabeth-Town: while riding I was almost constantly engaged in lifting up my heart to God, lest I should lose that sweet heavenly solemnity and composure of soul I enjoyed. Afterwards I was pleased, to think, that Godreigneth; and thought, I could never be uneasy with any of his dispensations; but must be entirely satisfied, whatever trials he should cause me or his church to encounter. I never felt more divine serenity and composure of mind: I could freely have left the dearest earthly friend, for the society of “angels, and spirits of just men made perfect:” my affections soared aloft to the blessed Author of every dear enjoyment: I viewed the emptiness and unsatisfactory nature of the most desireable earthly objects, any further than God is seen in them: and longed for a life of spirituality and inward purity; without which, I saw, there could be no true pleasure.January 28. The Indians in these parts having in times past run themselves in debt by their excessive drinking; and some having taken the advantage of them, and arrested sundry of them; whereby it was supposed their hunting lands might speedily be taken from them: I being sensible that they could not subsist together in these parts, if these lands should drop out of their hands, thought it my duly to use my utmost endeavours to prevent it. And having acquainted the gentlemen concerned in thismissionwith the affair, they thought it proper to expend the money they had been collecting for thereligiousinterests of the Indians, (at least a part of it,) for the discharging of their debts, and securing of these lands.—And having received orders from them, I answered, in behalf of the Indians,Eighty-two pounds five shillings, New-Jersey currency.January 31. This day the person I had engaged for aschool-masteramong the Indians, arrived among us, and was heartily welcomed by my people.——Whereupon I distributed several dozen ofprimersamong the children and young people.February 1, 1745–6. My school-master entered upon his business among the Indians.—He has generally about thirty children and young persons in his school in the day-time, and aboutfifteenmarried people in his evening-school. The number of the latter sort of persons beingless than it would be, if they could be more constant at home.In the evening I catechised in my usual method. Towards the close of my discourse, a surprising power seemed to attend the word. One man considerably in years, who had been a remarkable drunkard, a conjurer and murderer, that was awakened some months before, was now brought to great extremity, so that he trembled for hours together, and apprehended himself just dropping into hell, without any power to rescue or relieve himself.—Divers others appeared under great concern as well as he, and solicitous to obtain a saving change.[Monday, February 10. He set out on a journey to the Forks of Delaware, to visit the Indians there. He performed the journey under great weakness, and sometimes was exercised with much pain. He arrived at his own house at the Forks, on Friday.]I baptized three persons, two adults, and one child. There was a considerable melting in the assembly, while I was administering the ordinance.God has been pleased to own and bless the administration ofthis, as well as of his otherordinances, among the Indians. There are some here that have been powerfully awakened at seeing others baptized: And some have obtained relief and comfort, just when this ordinance has been administered.Toward night I catechised, God made this a powerful season. There were many affected.——Former convictions were powerfully revived. There was likewise one, who had been a vile drunkard, remarkably awakened. He appeared to be in great anguish of soul, wept and trembled, and continued so to do till near midnight.——There was also a poorheavy ladensoul, who had been long under distress, that was now brought to a comfortablecalm, and told me, “She now saw and felt it was right God should do with her as he pleased.” And added, that theheavy burdenshe had lain under, was now removed: that she felt she never could do any thing to save herself, but must perish for ever if Christ did notdo allfor her. But Christ could save her, though she coulddo nothingto save herself.Lord’s-day, February 16. Knowing that divers of the Indians in those parts were obstinately set against Christianity, I thought it proper to have some of my people from Crosweeksung with me, in order to converse with them; hoping it might convince them of the truth, to hear some of their own nation discoursing of divine things and manifesting earnest desires that others might be brought out of Heathenish darkness, as themselves were.And having takenhalf a dozenof the most knowing persons, I this day met with them and the Indians of this place, (sundry of whomcould not have been prevailed upon to attend the meeting, had it not been for these Indians) and preached to them.—Some of them who had, in times past, been extremely averse to Christianity, now behaved soberly; the word of God fell with such weight, that several seemed to be stunned, and expressed a willingness to “hear me again of these matters.”Those few Indians then present, who used to be my hearers in these parts, (some having removed from hence to Crosweeksung) seemed glad to see me again, although they had been so much attacked by some of the Pagans, that they were almost afraid to manifest their friendship.In the evening I was in a composed frame of mind. It was exceeding refreshing to think, that God had been with me, affording me some good measure of assistance. I found freedom in prayer and thanksgiving to God: and found my soul sweetly enlarged in prayer. Blessed be the Lord, that ever I am enabled to do any thing for his kingdom. Blessed be God who enables me to be faithful, I enjoyed more resolution for God, and more refreshment of spirit, than I have been favoured with for many weeks past.February 17. I discoursed from Actsviii.5–8. A divine influence seemed to attend the word. Sundry of the Indians here appeared to be somewhat awakened, and manifested a concern by their earnest attention, tears and sobs. My people from Crosweeksung continued with themday and night, inculcating the truths I had taught them: and sometimes prayed and sung psalms among them; discoursing with each other, in their hearing of the great things God had done forthem, and for the Indians from whence they came; which seemed to take more effect upon them, than when they directed their discourses immediately to them.February 18. I preached to an assembly of Irish people near fifteen miles distant from the Indians.February 19. I preached to the Indians again, after having spent a considerable time in conversing with them privately. There appeared a great solemnity, and some concern and affection among the Indians belonging to these parts, as well as a sweet melting among those who came with me.——Divers of the Indians here seemed to have their prejudices removed, and appeared well disposed to hear the word of God.February 20. I preached to a small assembly of High-Dutch people, who had seldom heard the gospel preached, and were, (some of them at least) very ignorant; but have divers of them lately been put upon an inquiry after the way of salvation. They gave wonderful attention, and some of them were much affected, and afterwards said, (as I was informed) that they never had been so much enlightened about the way of salvation in their whole lives before. They requested me to tarry with them, or come againand preach to them. And it grieved me that I could not comply with their request, for I could not but be affected with their circumstances; they being as “sheep not having a shepherd.”February 21. I preached to a number of people, many of them Low-Dutch, sundry of the High-Dutch attended, thougheightortenmiles distant from their houses.—Divers of the Indians also belonging to these parts, came of their own accord with my people (from Crosweeksung) two in particular, who in the last Sabbath, opposed and ridiculed Christianity.February 20. I preached to the Indians. They seemed more cordial to Christianity than before, and some appeared much affected.My spirits were supported, though my bodily strength was much wasted. O that God would be gracious to the souls of these poor Indians!God has been very gracious to me this week: he has enabled me to preach every day; and has given me some assistance, and encouraging prospect of success in almost every sermon. Blessed be his name. Divers of the white people have been awakened this week; sundry of the Indians much cured of prejudice against Christianity, and some seemed to be really awakened.[The next day he left the Forks of Delaware, to return to Crosweeksung; and spent the whole week till Saturday, before he arrived there; but preached by the way every day, excepting one; and had much inward comfort, and earnest longings to fill up all his time with the service of God.]Lord’s-day, March 2. Some of my people who went up to the Forks of Delaware with me, being now returned, were accompanied by two of the Indians belonging to the Forks, who had promised me a speedy visit. They can scarce go into a house now, but they will meet with Christian conversation, whereby they may be both instructed and awakened.I know of no assembly of Christians, where there seems to be so much of the presence of God, where brotherly love so much prevails, as in myown congregation: although not more than nine months ago, they were worshippingdevilsanddumb idols, under the power of Pagan darkness and superstition. Amazing change! Effected by nothing less than divine power and grace!Their present situation is so compact and commodious, that they are quickly called together with only the sound of a Conk-shell, (a shell like that of a Perriwinkle) so that they have frequent opportunities of attending religious exercises publicly; which seems to be a great means, under God, of keeping alive their impressions of divine things.*Thursday, March 6. I walked alone in the evening, and enjoyed comfort in prayer, beyond what I have of late enjoyed: my soul rejoiced in mypilgrimage-state. I was delighted with the thought of labouring andenduring hardnessfor God: and confided in God that he “never would leave me nor forsake me,” to the end ofmy race. Oh, may I obtain mercy of God to be faithful, to my dying moment!March 8. I catechised in the evening. My people answered the questions proposed to them well. I can perceive their knowledge in religion increases daily.——And what is still more desirable, the divine influence among them, appears still to continue. The divine presence seemed to be in the assembly this evening. Some, who are Christiansindeed, were melted with a sense of the divine goodness, and their own barrenness and ingratitude.—Convictions also appeared to revive in several; so it might justly be called “an evening of power.”Lord’s day, March 9. I preached from Lukex.38–42. The word of God was attended with energy. Numbers were concerned to obtain theone thing needful. Several that have given good evidences of being truly converted, were much affected with a sense of their want of spirituality; and saw the need they stood in ofgrowing in grace. And most that had had any impressions of divine things in times past, now felt those impressions revived.In the afternoon, I proposed to have catechised in my usual method. But while we were engaged in the first prayer, in the Indian language, (as usual) a great part of the assembly was so much moved, that I thought it proper to omit the questions, and insist upon the most practical truths.There appeared to be a powerful influence in the congregation. Those truly pious, were so deeply affected with a sense of their ownbarrenness, and their unworthy treatment of the blessed Redeemer, that theylooked on him as piercedby themselves,and mourned, yea, some of them werein bitterness as for a first-born.—Some poor awakened sinners also appeared to be in anguish of soul to obtain an interest in Christ. So that there wasa great mourningin the assembly: many heavy groans and tears! and one or two persons newly come among us, were considerably awakened.After public worship many came to my house, where we sung and discoursed; and the presence of God seemed here also to be in the midst of us.*While we were singing, there was one (the woman mentioned in my journal of February 9.) who, was “filled with joy unspeakable and full of glory,” and could not but burst forth in prayer and praises to God before us all, with many tears, crying sometimes in English, and sometimes in Indian “O blessed Lord, do come, do come! O do take me away, do let me die and go to Jesus Christ! I am afraid if I live I shall sin again! O do let me die now! O dear Jesus, do come! I cannot stay, I cannot stay! O how can I live in this world! do take my soul away from this sinful place! O let me never sin any more!”—In this ecstasy she continued sometime, uttering these and such like expressions incessantly.*When she had a little recovered, I asked her, if Christ was now sweet to her soul? Whereupon, turning to me with tears in her eyes, she said, “I have many times heard you speak of the goodness and the sweetness of Christ, that he was better than all the world. But O! I knew nothing what you meant, I never believed you! I never believed you! But now I know it is true!”—I answered, And do you see enough in Christ for the greatest of sinners? She replied, “O! enough, enough! for all the sinners in the world, if they would but come.” And when I asked her, if the could not tell them of the goodness of Christ: turning herself about to some poor Christless souls who stood by, and were much affected, she said, “O! there is enough in Christ for you, if you would but come! O strive, strive to give up your hearts to him!”—And upon hearing something of the glory of heaven mentioned, she again fell into the same ecstasy, repeating her former expressions, “O dear Lord, do let me go! O what shall I do, what shall I do! I want to go to Christ! I cannot live! O do let me die!”She continued in this sweet frame for more than two hours, before she was well able to get home.I am sensible there may be great joys, where there is no evidence of their being well grounded.But in the present case there seemed to be no evidence wanting, in order to prove this joy to be divine, either in regard of its preparatives, attendants, or consequents.Of all the persons I have seen, I scarce ever saw one more bowed under convictions of sin; and scarce any who seemed to have a greater acquaintance with her own heart than she had.And as she was remarkably sensible of her stubbornness under conviction, so she was no less remarkably reconciled to divine grace, before she obtained relief. Since which she has constantly breathed the spirit of a new creature: crying after Christ, not through fear ofhellas before, but with strong desires after him as her only satisfyingportion: and has many times wept bitterly, because she could not love him.—When I have asked her, Why she appeared so sorrowful, and whether it was because she was afraid of hell? She would answer, “No, I be not distressed aboutthat; but my heart is so wicked Icannot loveChrist;” and thereupon burst out into tears.—But although this has been the habitual frame of her mind for several weeks, yet she never had any remarkable comfort till this evening.Theattendantsof this comfort, were such as abundantly discovered that it was truly “joy in the Holy Ghost.”——Nowshe viewed divine truths asliving realities; and could say, “I know these things are so, I feel they are true!”—Nowher soul was resigned to the divine will in the most tender points; so that when I said to her, What if God should take away your husband, (who was sick,) how do you think you could bear that? She replied, “He belongs to God, and not to me; he may do with him just what he pleases.”—Nowshe had the most tender sense of the evil of sin, and discovered the utmost aversion to it.—Nowshe could freely trust herallwith God for time and eternity. And when I queried with her, how she could be willing to die, and leave her little infant: and what she thought would become of it in case she should? She answered, “God will take care of it. It belongs to him.”—Nowshe appeared to have the most humbling sense of her own unworthiness and inability to preserve herself from sin, and to persevere in holiness. And I thought I had never seen such an appearance ofecstasyandhumilitymeeting in any one person.The consequents of this joy are no less desirable than its attendants. She since appears to be a most tender, broken-hearted, affectionate, devout, and humble Christian, as exemplary in life and conversation as any person in my congregation.March 10. Toward night the Indians met together of their own accord, and sang, prayed, and discoursed of divine things. At this time there was much affection among them. Some appearedto be melted with divine things, and others seemed much concerned for their souls.I baptized thewomanmentioned in my journal of last Lord’s-day; who appeared to be in a devout, and excellent frame of mind.My house being thronged with people in the evening, I spent the time with them, till my nature was almost spent.—They are so unwearied in religious exercises, and unsatiable in their thirsting afterChristian knowledge, that I can sometimes scarce avoid labouring so, as greatly to exhaust my strength.March 19. Some of the persons that went with me to the Forks of Delaware, having been detained there by the dangerous illness of one of their company, returned home this day. Whereupon my people met together of their own accord, to give thanks to God for his preserving goodness to those who had been absent from them for several weeks, and recovering mercy to him that had been sick.Lord’s-day, March 23. There being about fifteenstrangers, adult persons, come among us in theweekpast, divers of whom had never been in any religious meeting till now, I thought it proper to discourse this day in a manner suited to their circumstances, and accordingly attempted it from Hoseaxiii.9, opening in the plainest manner I could, man’s apostacy and ruined♦state. After having spoken some things respecting the being and perfections of God, and his creation of manin a state of uprightness and happiness, in the♠afternoon, I endeavoured to open the glorious provision God has made for the redemption of apostate creatures.♦“state, after” replaced with “state. After” per Errata♠“afternon” replaced with “afternoon”Near sun-set I felt an uncommon concern upon my mind, especially for the poorstrangers: I visited sundry houses, and discoursed with them severally, but without much appearance of success, till I came to a house where divers of the strangers were; and there the word took effect, first upon some children; then upon divers adult persons that had been somewhat awakened before, and afterwards upon several of the Paganstrangers.I continued my discourse till almost every one in the house was melted into tears; and divers wept aloud, and appeared earnestly concerned to obtain an interest in Christ. Upon this, numbers soon gathered from all the houses round about and so thronged the place, that we were obliged to remove to the house where we meet for public worship. And the congregation gathering immediately and many appearing remarkably affected, I discoursed some time from Lukexix.10, endeavouring to open the mercy of Christ forlost,helpless, andundonesinners.There was much concern in the assembly; and I doubt not but a divine influence accompanied what was spoken to the hearts of many. There were five or six of thestrangers(men and women) who appeared to be considerably awakened. Andin particular one very rugged young man, who seemed as if nothing would move him, was now brought to tremble like the jailor, and weep for a long time.The Pagans that were awakened seemed at once to put off their savage roughness, and became sociable andhumane. When they first came, I exhorted my people to take pains with them (as they had done with other strangers from time to time) to instruct them in Christianity. But when some of them attempted it, the strangers would soon rise up and walk to other houses. Whereupon some of the serious persons agreed to disperse themselves into the several parts of the settlement. So that wherever thestrangerswent, they met with warm addresses respecting their souls.——Butnowthere was no need of using policy in order to get an opportunity of conversing: for they were so touched with a sense of their perishing state, as tamely to yield to the closest addresses, respecting their sin and misery, and their need of an acquaintance with the great Redeemer.Monday, March 24. I numbered the Indians, to see how many souls God had gathered together here, since my coming; and found there was now about anhundred and thirtypersons, old and young. And sundry of those that are my stated hearers, perhapsfifteenortwenty, were absent at this season. Whereasfewwere together at myfirst coming into these parts, the whole number not amounting totenpersons.My people going out this day to clear some of their lands about fifteen miles distant, in order to their settling there together, where they might attend the public worship of God, have their children schooled, and at the same time have a conveniency for planting: I thought it proper to call them together and shew them the duty of labouring with faithfulness and industry; and that they must not now “be slothful in business,” as they had ever been in their Pagan state. And having given them directions for their work, and recommended them to God, I dismissed them to their business. In the evening I read and expounded the substance of the third chapter of the Acts. Numbers seemed to melt under the word.——When I asked them afterwards, whether they did not now feel that their hearts were wicked? One replied, “Yes, she felt it now.” Although before she came here she had said, “Her heart was not wicked, and she never had done any thing that was bad in her life.” And this indeed seems to be the case with them, universally in the Pagan state. (And in the Christian too!)They seem to have noconsciousnessof sin and guilt, unless they can charge themselves with somegross actsof sin.Monday, March 24. After the Indians were gone to their work, I got alone and poured out my soul to God, that he would smile upon thesefeeble beginners, and that he would settle an Indian town, that might be amountain of holiness; and found my soul much refreshed, and much enlarged for Zion’s interest, and for numbers of dear friends in particular. My sinking spirits were revived, and I felt animated in the service God has called me to. This was the dearest hour I have enjoyed for many days, if not weeks. I found an encouraging hope, that something would be done for God, and that God would use and help me in his work. And Oh how sweet were the thoughts of labouring for God, when I had any hope that ever I should succeed.[The next day, hisschool-masterwas taken sick with a pleurisy; and he spent great part of this week in tending him: which in his weak state was almost too much for him: he being obliged constantly to wait upon him, all day, from day to day, and to lie on the floor at night.]March 29. In the evening I catechised as usual. Treating upon the “benefits which believers receive from Christ’s death.”——The questions were answered with great readiness and propriety. And the people of God, were sweetly melted in general. There appeared such a liveliness and vigour in their attendance upon the word of God, and such eagerness to be made partakers of thebenefitsthen mentioned, that they seemed to be not only “looking for, but hastening to the coming of the day of God.” Divine truths seemed to distil upon the audience with a gentle, but meltingefficacy, as the refreshing “showers upon the new mown grass.” The assembly in general, as well as those who appear truly religious, were affected with an account of the blessedness of the godly at death: and most then discovered an affectionate inclination to cry, “Let me die the death of the righteous.”March 31. I called my people together again, and discoursed to them again on the necessity of their labouring industriously, in order to their living together, and enjoying the means of grace. And having used solemn prayer among them, I dismissed them to their work.Numbers of them both (men and women) offered themselves willingly to this service; and some appeared affectionately concerned that God might go with them, and begin theirlittle townfor them: that it might be a place comfortable for them and theirs, in regard both of procuring the necessaries of life, and attending the worship of God.Wednesday, April 2. I was exercised with a spiritless frame of mind. Alas! My days pass away as thechaff! It is but little I do, or can do, that turns to any account; and it is my constant burden that I am so fruitless in the vineyard of the Lord. Oh that I werespirit, that I might be active for God. This more than any thing else, makes me long, that “this corruptible might put on incorruption, and this mortal put on immortality.” God deliver me from the clogs and fetters,and a body ofdeath, that impede my service for him.Saturday, April 5.—After public worship, a number of my dear Christian Indians came to my house; with whom I felt a sweet union of soul; my heart was knit to them; I have not felt such a sweet and ferventlove to the brethren, for some time past: and I saw in them appearances of the same love. This gave me something of a view of the heavenly state; and particularly that part of the happiness of heaven, which consists in thecommunion of saints.Lord’s-day, April 6. I preached from Matthewvii.21–23. There were considerable effects visible in the audience; an earnest attention, a great solemnity, many tears and sighs. Divers were put upon close examination of their spiritual slates, by hearing that “not every one that saith to Christ, Lord, Lord, shall enter into his kingdom.” And some of them expressed fears least they had deceived themselves, and taken up a false hope, because they had done so little of the “will of his Father who is in heaven.”There was also one man brought under pressing concern for his soul; which appeared more especially after his retirement from public worship. And that which, he says, gave him the greatest uneasiness, was, not so much any particular sin, as that he had never done the will of God atall, and so had no claim to the kingdom of heaven.In the afternoon I opened to them thedisciplineof Christ in his church, and the method in whichoffendersare to be dealt with. At this the religious people were much affected, especially when they heard, that the offender continuing obstinate, must be esteemed “as an Heathen man, that has no part or lot among God’s visible people.”Thisthey seemed to have the most awful apprehensions of; a state of Heathenism, out of which they were so lately brought, appearing very dreadful to them.After, public worship I visited sundry houses to see how they spent the remainder of the sabbath, and to treat with them on the great concerns of their souls; and the Lord seemed to smile upon my endeavours, and to make these particular addresses more effectual than my public discourses.April 7. I endeavoured to open the institution, nature, and ends of the Lord’s supper, as well as the qualifications necessary to the right participation of it. Sundry persons seemed much affected with the love of Christ in this provision for the comfort of his people, at a season when himself was just entering upon his sharpest sufferings.[On Tuesday, he went to a meeting of the Presbytery appointed at Elisabeth’s-Town. In his way thither, he enjoyed some sweet meditations; but after he came there, he was (as he expresses it)under an awful gloom, that oppressed his mind. And this continued till Saturday evening. He spent the sabbath at Staten island;where he preached to an assembly of Dutch and English, and enjoyed considerable refreshment. In the evening he returned to Elisabeth’s-Town.]Monday, April 14. My spirits were refreshed, and my mind composed, so that I was in a comfortable frame of soul, most of the day. In the evening my head was clear, my mind serene; I enjoyed sweetness in secret prayer and meditation. Oh, how free, how comfortable, chearful, and yet solemn, do I feel when I am in a good measure freed from those damps and melancholy glooms, that I often labour under!*Tuesday, April 15. My soul longed for more spirituality: and it was my burden, that I could do no more for God. Oh, my barrenness is my daily affliction! Oh, how precious is time: and how it pains me to see it slide away, while I do so very little to any good purpose! Oh that God would make me more fruitful and spiritual!Thursday, April 17. I enjoyed some comfort in prayer, some freedom in meditation, and composure in my studies. In the evening I preached from Psalmslxxiii.28. “But it is good for me to draw near to God.” God helped me to feel the truth of my text. I was enabled to pour out my soul to God with great freedom, fervency, and affection: and to speak with tenderness, and yet with faithfulness: and divine truths seemed to fall with weight and influence upon the hearers. My heart was melted for the dear assembly, and I loved every body in it; my soulcried, “Oh that the dear creatures might be saved! O that God would have mercy on them!”Lord’s-day, April 20.¹I enjoyed some freedom, and exercise of faith and prayer, especially when I came to pray for Zion. I was free from gloomy discouragement; and my soul rejoiced in the hopes of Zion’s prosperity, and the enlargement of the kingdom of the great Redeemer.

²In plain English thus, “I could not help it. My heart would be wicked for all I could do, I could not make it good.”

³“By and by my heart was exceeding glad that Jesus Christ would do with me what he pleased. Then I thought my heart would be glad although Christ should send me to hell. I did not care where he put me, I should love him for all:i. e.do what he would with me.”

*And she could not readily be convinced, but that she was willing to go to hell, if Christ was pleased to send her there. Though the truth evidently was, her will was so swallowed up in the divine will, that she could not frame any hell in her imagination that would be dreadful, provided it was the will of God to send her to it.

December 25. The Indians having been used upon Christmas-days to drink and revel among thewhitepeople, I thought proper to call them together, and discourse to them upon divine things: which I accordingly did from the parable of the barren figtree, Lukexiii.6–9. The power of God appeared in the assembly, by awakening several stupid creatures, that were scarce ever moved before. And the impressions made upon the assembly in general, seemed notsuperficial, butdeepand heart-affecting. O how ready did they appear to comply with every thing they were convinced was their duty! God was in the midst of us of a truth, bowing and melting stubborn hearts! How many tears and sobs were then to be seen and heard among us! What liveliness and strict attention! What eagerness and intenseness of mind! They seemed to watch and wait for the dropping of God’s word, as the thirsty earth for the “former and latter rain.”

December 26. This evening I was visited by a person under great spiritual exercise. She was a woman of more thanfour-scoreyears old, and appeared to be much broken and verychildishthrough age, so that it seemed impossible for man to instil into her mind anynotionsof divine things.—She was led by the hand into my house, and appeared in extreme anguish. I asked her, what ailed her? She answered, “That her heart was distressed, and she feared she should never find Christ.” I asked her, when she began to be concerned? She answered to this effect, That she had heard me preach many times, but never “felt it in her heart” till the last sabbath; and then it came, she said, “all one as if a needle had been♦thrust into her heart;” since which time she had no rest day or night. She added, that on the evening before Christmas, a number of Indians being together at the house where she was, and discoursing aboutChrist, their talkpricked her heart, so that she could not sit up, but fell down on her bed; at which timeshe went away, (as she expressed it) and felt as if she dreamed, and yet is confident she did not dream. When she was thus gone, she saw, she says, two paths, one appeared very broad and crooked; and that turned to the left hand. The other appeared strait and very narrow; and that went up the hill to the right hand. She travelled, she said, for some time up the narrow right-hand path, till at length something seemed to obstruct herjourney. She sometimes called it darkness, and sometimes compared it to a block or bar. She then remembered, she says, what she had heard me say about “striving to enter in at the strait gate,” (although she took little notice of it at that time) and thought she would climb over this bar. But just as she was thinking of this, she came back again, as she termed it, meaning that she came to herself; whereupon her soul was extremely distressed, apprehending she had now turned back and forsaken Christ, and that there was therefore no hope of mercy for her.

♦“thurst” replaced with “thrust”

I then proposed to her the provision made in the gospel for the salvation of sinners, and the ability and willingness of Christ “to save to the uttermost all” (old as well as young) “that come to him.” To which she seemed to give a hearty assent. But instantly replied, “Ay, but I cannot come; my wicked heart will not come to Christ, I do not know how to come.” And this she spoke in anguish of spirit, striking her breast, with tears in her eyes; and with such earnestness in her looks as was indeed affecting.

She seems to be really convinced of her sin and misery, and her need of a change of heart: and her concern is abiding and constant. So that nothing appears but that this exercise may have a saving issue. And indeed there is ground to hope for it, seeing she is solicitous to obtain an interest in Christ, that her heart, (as she expresses it) prays day and night.

December 28. I discoursed to my people in the catechetical method I lately entered upon. And in the improvement of my discourse, wherein I was comparing man’spresentwith hisprimitivestate; and pressing sinners to take a view of their deplorable circumstances without Christ; as also to strive that they may obtain an interest in him; the Lord granted a remarkable influence of his blessed Spirit, and there was a great concern in the assembly: many were melted into tears, and the impressions made upon them seemeddeepand heart affecting. And in particular, there were two or three persons who appeared to be reduced almost to extremity; being convinced of the impossibility of helping themselves, or mending their own hearts; and upon thepointof giving up all hopein themselves, and venturing upon Christ as naked, helpless and undone.

Lord’s-day. December 29. I preached from Johniii.1–5. a number of white people were present, as is usual upon the sabbath. The discourse seemed to have asilent, butdeepandpiercinginfluence upon the audience. Many wept and sobbed affectionately. And there were some tears among the white people, as well as the Indians. Some could not refrain from cryingout. But♦the impressions made upon their hearts, appeared chiefly by the extraordinary earnestness of their attention, and their heavy sighs and tears.

♦“th” replaced with “the”

*After public worship was over, I went to my house, proposing to preach again after a short intermission.But they soon came in, one after another, with tears in their eyes, to know “what they should do to be saved.” And the divine Spirit in such a manner, set home upon their hearts what I spoke to them, that the house was soon filled with cries and groans.——They all flocked together upon this occasion, and those whom I had reason to think in a Christless state, were almost universally seized with concern for their souls.

It was an amazing season ofpoweramong them, and seemed as if God had “bowed the heavens and come down.” So astonishingly prevalent was the operation upon old as well as young, that it seemed as if God was about to convertall the world. And I was ready to thinkthen, that I should never again despair of the conversion of any man or woman living.

*It is impossible to give a just description of the♦appearance of things at this season. A number were rejoicing that God had not taken away the influence of his blessed Spirit.——Refreshed to see so many “striving to enter in at the strait gate;”—and animated with such concern for them that they wanted “to push them forward,” as some of them expressed it.—At the same time numbers both of men and women, old and young, might be seen in tears, and some in anguish of spirit appearing in their very countenances, like condemned malefactors going towards the place of execution: so that there seemed a lively emblemof the solemn day of accounts; a mixture of heaven and hell; of joy unspeakable, and anguish inexpressible.

♦“appearence” replaced with “appearance”

*The concern was such, that I could not pretend to have any formal religious exercise among them: but spent the time in discoursing to one and another, sometimes all together, and concluded with prayer.Suchwere their circumstances, that I could scare havehalf an hour’s rest from speaking from about half an hour before twelve o’clock, (at which time I began public worship) till pastsevenat night.

December 30. I was visited by four or five young persons under concern for their souls, most of whom were very lately awakened. They wept much while I discoursed to them and endeavoured to press upon them the necessity offlyingto Christ without delay, for salvation.

December 31. I spent some hours this day in visiting my people from house to house: and scarce left a house, without leaving some or other of its inhabitants in tears, solicitously engaged to obtain an interest in Christ.

The Indians are now gathered together from all quarters to this place, and have built them little cottages, so that more thantwentyfamilies live within a quarter of a mile of me, a very convenient situation in regard both of public and private instruction.

Wednesday, January 1, 1745–6. I am this day beginning aNew-Year; and God has carried me through numerous trials and labours in the♦yearpast. He has amazingly supported my feeble frame; for “having obtained help of God, I continue to this day.” O that I might live nearer to God, this year than I did last! The business that I have been enabled to go through, I know, has been as great as nature is able to bear up under, and what would have sunk me quite, without special support. But alas! though I have done the labours and endured the trials, with what spirit I have done the one, and borne the other? How cold has my heart often been! and how little have I eyed the glory of God! I have found, that I could have no peace without filling up all my time with labours; and thus “necessity has been laid upon me;” yea, in that respect, I have loved to labour; but I could not sensibly labour forGod, as I would have done. May I for the future be enabled more sensibly to make the glory of God myall.

♦“day” replaced with “year” per Errata

January 2. I visited some persons newly come among us, who had scarce ever heard any thing of Christianity (but the name). I endeavoured to instruct them in the first principles of religion in the most easy and familiar manner I could.

There are strangers from remote parts almost continually dropping in, so that I have occasion repeatedly to open and inculcate thefirst principlesof Christianity.

Near night I proposed to have proceeded in my usual method of catechising. But while we were engaged in the first prayer, the power of God came upon the assembly in so remarkable a manner, that I thought it more expedient to insistupon the plentiful provision made for the redemption of perishing sinners, and to press them to aspeedyacceptance of thegreat salvation, than to ask them questions aboutdoctrinalpoints.

I baptized two persons this day; one adult and one child.

The woman has discovered an heavenly frame of mind, from her first reception of comfort. One morning in particular she came to see me, discovering an unusual joy in her countenance; and when I inquired the reason of it, she replied, “That God had made her feel that it wasrightfor him to do as he pleased with all things? She moreover inquired, whether I was not sent to preach to the Indians by some good people a great way off.” I replied, Yes, by the good people in Scotland. She answered, “that her heart loved those good people so, the evening before, that she could scarce help praying for them all night, her heart would go to God for them.”

*Wednesday, January 8. My heart was drawn out after God: my soul was refreshed and quickened; I had great hopes of the ingathering of precious souls to Christ; not only among my own people, but others also. I was sweetly resigned under my bodily weakness; willing to live or die, and desirous to labour for God to the utmost of my strength.

Friday, January 10. My soul was in a calm, composed frame, and my heart filled with love to all the world; and Christian simplicity andtenderness seemed to prevail and reign with me. Near night, I visited a serious baptist minister, and had some agreeable conversation with him.

January 13. I was visited by divers persons under deep concern; one of whom was newly awakened.—It is a most agreeable work to treat with souls who are solicitously inquiring, “what they shall do to be saved?” And as we are never to “be weary in well-doing,” so the obligation is peculiarly strong when the work is so lively. And yet my health is so much impaired, and my spirit so wasted with my labours, and solitary manner of living, (there being no human creature in the house with me.) that their repeated and almost incessant application to me for help and direction, are sometimes exceeding burdensome. And what contributes much towards this difficulty is, that I am obliged to spendmuchtime communicating alittlematter to them; there being often many things necessary to be premised, before I can speak directly to what I principally aim at; which things would readily be taken for granted, where there was a competency of knowledge.

Lord’s-day, January 19. I catechised in my ordinary method. Numbers were much affected. —Convictions powerfully revived.—Divers of the Christians refreshed and strengthened.—And one wearyheavy ladensoul, I have reason to hope, was brought to solid comfort in Christ.

*He told me, he had often heard me say, that persons mustseeandfeelthemselves helpless andundone; that they must give up all hope of saving themselves by theirown doings, in order to their coming to Christ for salvation. And he had long been striving after this; supposing this would be an excellent frame of mind: that God would have respect tothisframe, and bestow eternal life upon him.——But when he came to feel himself in this helplessundonecondition, he found it quite contrary to all his thoughts: so that it was not thesame, nor indeed any thinglikethe frame he had been seeking after. Instead of its being agoodframe of mind, he now found nothing butbadnessin himself, and saw it for ever impossible for him to make himself any better. He was amazed he had neverbeforeseen that it was utterly impossible for him, by all his contrivances and endeavours, to do any thingthat way.——Instead of imagining that God would be pleased with him for the sake of this frame of mind, he saw clearly it would be just with God to send him to eternal misery; and that there wasno goodnessin what he then felt; for he could not help seeing, that he was naked, sinful, and miserable, and there was nothing in such a sight to deserve God’s love or pity.

Inthisframe of mind he came to public worship this evening, and while I was inviting sinners to come to Christ naked and empty, withoutanygoodness oftheir ownto recommend themto his acceptance; he thought, that he had often tried to come and give up his heart to Christ, and he used to hope, that some time or other he should beableto do so. But now he was convincedhe could not, and it seemed utterly vain for him ever to tryany more: nor did he now hope for a better opportunity hereafter, as he had formerly done, because he saw, and was fully♦convinced, his own strength would for ever fail.

♦“conviced” replaced with “convinced”

*While he was musing in this manner, he saw, he said, with his heart (which is a common phrase among them) something that was unspeakably good and lovely, and what he had never seen before; and “this stole away his heart whether he would or no.” He did not, he said, know what it was he saw. He did not say, “this is Jesus Christ;” but it was such glory and beauty as he never saw before. He did not now give away his heartsoas he had formerly attempted to do, but itwent away of itselfafter that glory he then discovered. He used to try to make a bargain with Christ, to give up his heart to him, that he might have eternal lifefor it. But now he thought nothing about himself, but his mind was wholly taken up with the unspeakable excellency of what he then beheld.

After some time he was wonderfully pleased with the way of salvation by Christ: so that it seemed unspeakably better to be saved altogether by themere free graceof God in Christ, than to haveany handin saving himself.——And theconsequence is, that he appears to retain a relish of divine things, and to maintain a life of true religion.

Lord’s-day, January 26. After public worship, I was in a sweet and solemn frame of mind, thankful to God that he had made me in some measure faithful in addressing precious souls, but grieved that I had been no more fervent in my work; and tenderly affected towards all the world, longing that every sinner might be saved; and could not have entertained any bitterness towards the worst enemy living. In the evening, I rode to Elisabeth-Town: while riding I was almost constantly engaged in lifting up my heart to God, lest I should lose that sweet heavenly solemnity and composure of soul I enjoyed. Afterwards I was pleased, to think, that Godreigneth; and thought, I could never be uneasy with any of his dispensations; but must be entirely satisfied, whatever trials he should cause me or his church to encounter. I never felt more divine serenity and composure of mind: I could freely have left the dearest earthly friend, for the society of “angels, and spirits of just men made perfect:” my affections soared aloft to the blessed Author of every dear enjoyment: I viewed the emptiness and unsatisfactory nature of the most desireable earthly objects, any further than God is seen in them: and longed for a life of spirituality and inward purity; without which, I saw, there could be no true pleasure.

January 28. The Indians in these parts having in times past run themselves in debt by their excessive drinking; and some having taken the advantage of them, and arrested sundry of them; whereby it was supposed their hunting lands might speedily be taken from them: I being sensible that they could not subsist together in these parts, if these lands should drop out of their hands, thought it my duly to use my utmost endeavours to prevent it. And having acquainted the gentlemen concerned in thismissionwith the affair, they thought it proper to expend the money they had been collecting for thereligiousinterests of the Indians, (at least a part of it,) for the discharging of their debts, and securing of these lands.—And having received orders from them, I answered, in behalf of the Indians,Eighty-two pounds five shillings, New-Jersey currency.

January 31. This day the person I had engaged for aschool-masteramong the Indians, arrived among us, and was heartily welcomed by my people.——Whereupon I distributed several dozen ofprimersamong the children and young people.

February 1, 1745–6. My school-master entered upon his business among the Indians.—He has generally about thirty children and young persons in his school in the day-time, and aboutfifteenmarried people in his evening-school. The number of the latter sort of persons beingless than it would be, if they could be more constant at home.

In the evening I catechised in my usual method. Towards the close of my discourse, a surprising power seemed to attend the word. One man considerably in years, who had been a remarkable drunkard, a conjurer and murderer, that was awakened some months before, was now brought to great extremity, so that he trembled for hours together, and apprehended himself just dropping into hell, without any power to rescue or relieve himself.—Divers others appeared under great concern as well as he, and solicitous to obtain a saving change.

[Monday, February 10. He set out on a journey to the Forks of Delaware, to visit the Indians there. He performed the journey under great weakness, and sometimes was exercised with much pain. He arrived at his own house at the Forks, on Friday.]

I baptized three persons, two adults, and one child. There was a considerable melting in the assembly, while I was administering the ordinance.

God has been pleased to own and bless the administration ofthis, as well as of his otherordinances, among the Indians. There are some here that have been powerfully awakened at seeing others baptized: And some have obtained relief and comfort, just when this ordinance has been administered.

Toward night I catechised, God made this a powerful season. There were many affected.——Former convictions were powerfully revived. There was likewise one, who had been a vile drunkard, remarkably awakened. He appeared to be in great anguish of soul, wept and trembled, and continued so to do till near midnight.——There was also a poorheavy ladensoul, who had been long under distress, that was now brought to a comfortablecalm, and told me, “She now saw and felt it was right God should do with her as he pleased.” And added, that theheavy burdenshe had lain under, was now removed: that she felt she never could do any thing to save herself, but must perish for ever if Christ did notdo allfor her. But Christ could save her, though she coulddo nothingto save herself.

Lord’s-day, February 16. Knowing that divers of the Indians in those parts were obstinately set against Christianity, I thought it proper to have some of my people from Crosweeksung with me, in order to converse with them; hoping it might convince them of the truth, to hear some of their own nation discoursing of divine things and manifesting earnest desires that others might be brought out of Heathenish darkness, as themselves were.

And having takenhalf a dozenof the most knowing persons, I this day met with them and the Indians of this place, (sundry of whomcould not have been prevailed upon to attend the meeting, had it not been for these Indians) and preached to them.—Some of them who had, in times past, been extremely averse to Christianity, now behaved soberly; the word of God fell with such weight, that several seemed to be stunned, and expressed a willingness to “hear me again of these matters.”

Those few Indians then present, who used to be my hearers in these parts, (some having removed from hence to Crosweeksung) seemed glad to see me again, although they had been so much attacked by some of the Pagans, that they were almost afraid to manifest their friendship.

In the evening I was in a composed frame of mind. It was exceeding refreshing to think, that God had been with me, affording me some good measure of assistance. I found freedom in prayer and thanksgiving to God: and found my soul sweetly enlarged in prayer. Blessed be the Lord, that ever I am enabled to do any thing for his kingdom. Blessed be God who enables me to be faithful, I enjoyed more resolution for God, and more refreshment of spirit, than I have been favoured with for many weeks past.

February 17. I discoursed from Actsviii.5–8. A divine influence seemed to attend the word. Sundry of the Indians here appeared to be somewhat awakened, and manifested a concern by their earnest attention, tears and sobs. My people from Crosweeksung continued with themday and night, inculcating the truths I had taught them: and sometimes prayed and sung psalms among them; discoursing with each other, in their hearing of the great things God had done forthem, and for the Indians from whence they came; which seemed to take more effect upon them, than when they directed their discourses immediately to them.

February 18. I preached to an assembly of Irish people near fifteen miles distant from the Indians.

February 19. I preached to the Indians again, after having spent a considerable time in conversing with them privately. There appeared a great solemnity, and some concern and affection among the Indians belonging to these parts, as well as a sweet melting among those who came with me.——Divers of the Indians here seemed to have their prejudices removed, and appeared well disposed to hear the word of God.

February 20. I preached to a small assembly of High-Dutch people, who had seldom heard the gospel preached, and were, (some of them at least) very ignorant; but have divers of them lately been put upon an inquiry after the way of salvation. They gave wonderful attention, and some of them were much affected, and afterwards said, (as I was informed) that they never had been so much enlightened about the way of salvation in their whole lives before. They requested me to tarry with them, or come againand preach to them. And it grieved me that I could not comply with their request, for I could not but be affected with their circumstances; they being as “sheep not having a shepherd.”

February 21. I preached to a number of people, many of them Low-Dutch, sundry of the High-Dutch attended, thougheightortenmiles distant from their houses.—Divers of the Indians also belonging to these parts, came of their own accord with my people (from Crosweeksung) two in particular, who in the last Sabbath, opposed and ridiculed Christianity.

February 20. I preached to the Indians. They seemed more cordial to Christianity than before, and some appeared much affected.

My spirits were supported, though my bodily strength was much wasted. O that God would be gracious to the souls of these poor Indians!

God has been very gracious to me this week: he has enabled me to preach every day; and has given me some assistance, and encouraging prospect of success in almost every sermon. Blessed be his name. Divers of the white people have been awakened this week; sundry of the Indians much cured of prejudice against Christianity, and some seemed to be really awakened.

[The next day he left the Forks of Delaware, to return to Crosweeksung; and spent the whole week till Saturday, before he arrived there; but preached by the way every day, excepting one; and had much inward comfort, and earnest longings to fill up all his time with the service of God.]

Lord’s-day, March 2. Some of my people who went up to the Forks of Delaware with me, being now returned, were accompanied by two of the Indians belonging to the Forks, who had promised me a speedy visit. They can scarce go into a house now, but they will meet with Christian conversation, whereby they may be both instructed and awakened.

I know of no assembly of Christians, where there seems to be so much of the presence of God, where brotherly love so much prevails, as in myown congregation: although not more than nine months ago, they were worshippingdevilsanddumb idols, under the power of Pagan darkness and superstition. Amazing change! Effected by nothing less than divine power and grace!

Their present situation is so compact and commodious, that they are quickly called together with only the sound of a Conk-shell, (a shell like that of a Perriwinkle) so that they have frequent opportunities of attending religious exercises publicly; which seems to be a great means, under God, of keeping alive their impressions of divine things.

*Thursday, March 6. I walked alone in the evening, and enjoyed comfort in prayer, beyond what I have of late enjoyed: my soul rejoiced in mypilgrimage-state. I was delighted with the thought of labouring andenduring hardnessfor God: and confided in God that he “never would leave me nor forsake me,” to the end ofmy race. Oh, may I obtain mercy of God to be faithful, to my dying moment!

March 8. I catechised in the evening. My people answered the questions proposed to them well. I can perceive their knowledge in religion increases daily.——And what is still more desirable, the divine influence among them, appears still to continue. The divine presence seemed to be in the assembly this evening. Some, who are Christiansindeed, were melted with a sense of the divine goodness, and their own barrenness and ingratitude.—Convictions also appeared to revive in several; so it might justly be called “an evening of power.”

Lord’s day, March 9. I preached from Lukex.38–42. The word of God was attended with energy. Numbers were concerned to obtain theone thing needful. Several that have given good evidences of being truly converted, were much affected with a sense of their want of spirituality; and saw the need they stood in ofgrowing in grace. And most that had had any impressions of divine things in times past, now felt those impressions revived.

In the afternoon, I proposed to have catechised in my usual method. But while we were engaged in the first prayer, in the Indian language, (as usual) a great part of the assembly was so much moved, that I thought it proper to omit the questions, and insist upon the most practical truths.

There appeared to be a powerful influence in the congregation. Those truly pious, were so deeply affected with a sense of their ownbarrenness, and their unworthy treatment of the blessed Redeemer, that theylooked on him as piercedby themselves,and mourned, yea, some of them werein bitterness as for a first-born.—Some poor awakened sinners also appeared to be in anguish of soul to obtain an interest in Christ. So that there wasa great mourningin the assembly: many heavy groans and tears! and one or two persons newly come among us, were considerably awakened.

After public worship many came to my house, where we sung and discoursed; and the presence of God seemed here also to be in the midst of us.

*While we were singing, there was one (the woman mentioned in my journal of February 9.) who, was “filled with joy unspeakable and full of glory,” and could not but burst forth in prayer and praises to God before us all, with many tears, crying sometimes in English, and sometimes in Indian “O blessed Lord, do come, do come! O do take me away, do let me die and go to Jesus Christ! I am afraid if I live I shall sin again! O do let me die now! O dear Jesus, do come! I cannot stay, I cannot stay! O how can I live in this world! do take my soul away from this sinful place! O let me never sin any more!”—In this ecstasy she continued sometime, uttering these and such like expressions incessantly.

*When she had a little recovered, I asked her, if Christ was now sweet to her soul? Whereupon, turning to me with tears in her eyes, she said, “I have many times heard you speak of the goodness and the sweetness of Christ, that he was better than all the world. But O! I knew nothing what you meant, I never believed you! I never believed you! But now I know it is true!”—I answered, And do you see enough in Christ for the greatest of sinners? She replied, “O! enough, enough! for all the sinners in the world, if they would but come.” And when I asked her, if the could not tell them of the goodness of Christ: turning herself about to some poor Christless souls who stood by, and were much affected, she said, “O! there is enough in Christ for you, if you would but come! O strive, strive to give up your hearts to him!”—And upon hearing something of the glory of heaven mentioned, she again fell into the same ecstasy, repeating her former expressions, “O dear Lord, do let me go! O what shall I do, what shall I do! I want to go to Christ! I cannot live! O do let me die!”

She continued in this sweet frame for more than two hours, before she was well able to get home.

I am sensible there may be great joys, where there is no evidence of their being well grounded.But in the present case there seemed to be no evidence wanting, in order to prove this joy to be divine, either in regard of its preparatives, attendants, or consequents.

Of all the persons I have seen, I scarce ever saw one more bowed under convictions of sin; and scarce any who seemed to have a greater acquaintance with her own heart than she had.

And as she was remarkably sensible of her stubbornness under conviction, so she was no less remarkably reconciled to divine grace, before she obtained relief. Since which she has constantly breathed the spirit of a new creature: crying after Christ, not through fear ofhellas before, but with strong desires after him as her only satisfyingportion: and has many times wept bitterly, because she could not love him.—When I have asked her, Why she appeared so sorrowful, and whether it was because she was afraid of hell? She would answer, “No, I be not distressed aboutthat; but my heart is so wicked Icannot loveChrist;” and thereupon burst out into tears.—But although this has been the habitual frame of her mind for several weeks, yet she never had any remarkable comfort till this evening.

Theattendantsof this comfort, were such as abundantly discovered that it was truly “joy in the Holy Ghost.”——Nowshe viewed divine truths asliving realities; and could say, “I know these things are so, I feel they are true!”—Nowher soul was resigned to the divine will in the most tender points; so that when I said to her, What if God should take away your husband, (who was sick,) how do you think you could bear that? She replied, “He belongs to God, and not to me; he may do with him just what he pleases.”—Nowshe had the most tender sense of the evil of sin, and discovered the utmost aversion to it.—Nowshe could freely trust herallwith God for time and eternity. And when I queried with her, how she could be willing to die, and leave her little infant: and what she thought would become of it in case she should? She answered, “God will take care of it. It belongs to him.”—Nowshe appeared to have the most humbling sense of her own unworthiness and inability to preserve herself from sin, and to persevere in holiness. And I thought I had never seen such an appearance ofecstasyandhumilitymeeting in any one person.

The consequents of this joy are no less desirable than its attendants. She since appears to be a most tender, broken-hearted, affectionate, devout, and humble Christian, as exemplary in life and conversation as any person in my congregation.

March 10. Toward night the Indians met together of their own accord, and sang, prayed, and discoursed of divine things. At this time there was much affection among them. Some appearedto be melted with divine things, and others seemed much concerned for their souls.

I baptized thewomanmentioned in my journal of last Lord’s-day; who appeared to be in a devout, and excellent frame of mind.

My house being thronged with people in the evening, I spent the time with them, till my nature was almost spent.—They are so unwearied in religious exercises, and unsatiable in their thirsting afterChristian knowledge, that I can sometimes scarce avoid labouring so, as greatly to exhaust my strength.

March 19. Some of the persons that went with me to the Forks of Delaware, having been detained there by the dangerous illness of one of their company, returned home this day. Whereupon my people met together of their own accord, to give thanks to God for his preserving goodness to those who had been absent from them for several weeks, and recovering mercy to him that had been sick.

Lord’s-day, March 23. There being about fifteenstrangers, adult persons, come among us in theweekpast, divers of whom had never been in any religious meeting till now, I thought it proper to discourse this day in a manner suited to their circumstances, and accordingly attempted it from Hoseaxiii.9, opening in the plainest manner I could, man’s apostacy and ruined♦state. After having spoken some things respecting the being and perfections of God, and his creation of manin a state of uprightness and happiness, in the♠afternoon, I endeavoured to open the glorious provision God has made for the redemption of apostate creatures.

♦“state, after” replaced with “state. After” per Errata♠“afternon” replaced with “afternoon”

♦“state, after” replaced with “state. After” per Errata

♠“afternon” replaced with “afternoon”

Near sun-set I felt an uncommon concern upon my mind, especially for the poorstrangers: I visited sundry houses, and discoursed with them severally, but without much appearance of success, till I came to a house where divers of the strangers were; and there the word took effect, first upon some children; then upon divers adult persons that had been somewhat awakened before, and afterwards upon several of the Paganstrangers.

I continued my discourse till almost every one in the house was melted into tears; and divers wept aloud, and appeared earnestly concerned to obtain an interest in Christ. Upon this, numbers soon gathered from all the houses round about and so thronged the place, that we were obliged to remove to the house where we meet for public worship. And the congregation gathering immediately and many appearing remarkably affected, I discoursed some time from Lukexix.10, endeavouring to open the mercy of Christ forlost,helpless, andundonesinners.

There was much concern in the assembly; and I doubt not but a divine influence accompanied what was spoken to the hearts of many. There were five or six of thestrangers(men and women) who appeared to be considerably awakened. Andin particular one very rugged young man, who seemed as if nothing would move him, was now brought to tremble like the jailor, and weep for a long time.

The Pagans that were awakened seemed at once to put off their savage roughness, and became sociable andhumane. When they first came, I exhorted my people to take pains with them (as they had done with other strangers from time to time) to instruct them in Christianity. But when some of them attempted it, the strangers would soon rise up and walk to other houses. Whereupon some of the serious persons agreed to disperse themselves into the several parts of the settlement. So that wherever thestrangerswent, they met with warm addresses respecting their souls.——Butnowthere was no need of using policy in order to get an opportunity of conversing: for they were so touched with a sense of their perishing state, as tamely to yield to the closest addresses, respecting their sin and misery, and their need of an acquaintance with the great Redeemer.

Monday, March 24. I numbered the Indians, to see how many souls God had gathered together here, since my coming; and found there was now about anhundred and thirtypersons, old and young. And sundry of those that are my stated hearers, perhapsfifteenortwenty, were absent at this season. Whereasfewwere together at myfirst coming into these parts, the whole number not amounting totenpersons.

My people going out this day to clear some of their lands about fifteen miles distant, in order to their settling there together, where they might attend the public worship of God, have their children schooled, and at the same time have a conveniency for planting: I thought it proper to call them together and shew them the duty of labouring with faithfulness and industry; and that they must not now “be slothful in business,” as they had ever been in their Pagan state. And having given them directions for their work, and recommended them to God, I dismissed them to their business. In the evening I read and expounded the substance of the third chapter of the Acts. Numbers seemed to melt under the word.——When I asked them afterwards, whether they did not now feel that their hearts were wicked? One replied, “Yes, she felt it now.” Although before she came here she had said, “Her heart was not wicked, and she never had done any thing that was bad in her life.” And this indeed seems to be the case with them, universally in the Pagan state. (And in the Christian too!)

They seem to have noconsciousnessof sin and guilt, unless they can charge themselves with somegross actsof sin.

Monday, March 24. After the Indians were gone to their work, I got alone and poured out my soul to God, that he would smile upon thesefeeble beginners, and that he would settle an Indian town, that might be amountain of holiness; and found my soul much refreshed, and much enlarged for Zion’s interest, and for numbers of dear friends in particular. My sinking spirits were revived, and I felt animated in the service God has called me to. This was the dearest hour I have enjoyed for many days, if not weeks. I found an encouraging hope, that something would be done for God, and that God would use and help me in his work. And Oh how sweet were the thoughts of labouring for God, when I had any hope that ever I should succeed.

[The next day, hisschool-masterwas taken sick with a pleurisy; and he spent great part of this week in tending him: which in his weak state was almost too much for him: he being obliged constantly to wait upon him, all day, from day to day, and to lie on the floor at night.]

March 29. In the evening I catechised as usual. Treating upon the “benefits which believers receive from Christ’s death.”——The questions were answered with great readiness and propriety. And the people of God, were sweetly melted in general. There appeared such a liveliness and vigour in their attendance upon the word of God, and such eagerness to be made partakers of thebenefitsthen mentioned, that they seemed to be not only “looking for, but hastening to the coming of the day of God.” Divine truths seemed to distil upon the audience with a gentle, but meltingefficacy, as the refreshing “showers upon the new mown grass.” The assembly in general, as well as those who appear truly religious, were affected with an account of the blessedness of the godly at death: and most then discovered an affectionate inclination to cry, “Let me die the death of the righteous.”

March 31. I called my people together again, and discoursed to them again on the necessity of their labouring industriously, in order to their living together, and enjoying the means of grace. And having used solemn prayer among them, I dismissed them to their work.

Numbers of them both (men and women) offered themselves willingly to this service; and some appeared affectionately concerned that God might go with them, and begin theirlittle townfor them: that it might be a place comfortable for them and theirs, in regard both of procuring the necessaries of life, and attending the worship of God.

Wednesday, April 2. I was exercised with a spiritless frame of mind. Alas! My days pass away as thechaff! It is but little I do, or can do, that turns to any account; and it is my constant burden that I am so fruitless in the vineyard of the Lord. Oh that I werespirit, that I might be active for God. This more than any thing else, makes me long, that “this corruptible might put on incorruption, and this mortal put on immortality.” God deliver me from the clogs and fetters,and a body ofdeath, that impede my service for him.

Saturday, April 5.—After public worship, a number of my dear Christian Indians came to my house; with whom I felt a sweet union of soul; my heart was knit to them; I have not felt such a sweet and ferventlove to the brethren, for some time past: and I saw in them appearances of the same love. This gave me something of a view of the heavenly state; and particularly that part of the happiness of heaven, which consists in thecommunion of saints.

Lord’s-day, April 6. I preached from Matthewvii.21–23. There were considerable effects visible in the audience; an earnest attention, a great solemnity, many tears and sighs. Divers were put upon close examination of their spiritual slates, by hearing that “not every one that saith to Christ, Lord, Lord, shall enter into his kingdom.” And some of them expressed fears least they had deceived themselves, and taken up a false hope, because they had done so little of the “will of his Father who is in heaven.”

There was also one man brought under pressing concern for his soul; which appeared more especially after his retirement from public worship. And that which, he says, gave him the greatest uneasiness, was, not so much any particular sin, as that he had never done the will of God atall, and so had no claim to the kingdom of heaven.

In the afternoon I opened to them thedisciplineof Christ in his church, and the method in whichoffendersare to be dealt with. At this the religious people were much affected, especially when they heard, that the offender continuing obstinate, must be esteemed “as an Heathen man, that has no part or lot among God’s visible people.”Thisthey seemed to have the most awful apprehensions of; a state of Heathenism, out of which they were so lately brought, appearing very dreadful to them.

After, public worship I visited sundry houses to see how they spent the remainder of the sabbath, and to treat with them on the great concerns of their souls; and the Lord seemed to smile upon my endeavours, and to make these particular addresses more effectual than my public discourses.

April 7. I endeavoured to open the institution, nature, and ends of the Lord’s supper, as well as the qualifications necessary to the right participation of it. Sundry persons seemed much affected with the love of Christ in this provision for the comfort of his people, at a season when himself was just entering upon his sharpest sufferings.

[On Tuesday, he went to a meeting of the Presbytery appointed at Elisabeth’s-Town. In his way thither, he enjoyed some sweet meditations; but after he came there, he was (as he expresses it)under an awful gloom, that oppressed his mind. And this continued till Saturday evening. He spent the sabbath at Staten island;where he preached to an assembly of Dutch and English, and enjoyed considerable refreshment. In the evening he returned to Elisabeth’s-Town.]

Monday, April 14. My spirits were refreshed, and my mind composed, so that I was in a comfortable frame of soul, most of the day. In the evening my head was clear, my mind serene; I enjoyed sweetness in secret prayer and meditation. Oh, how free, how comfortable, chearful, and yet solemn, do I feel when I am in a good measure freed from those damps and melancholy glooms, that I often labour under!

*Tuesday, April 15. My soul longed for more spirituality: and it was my burden, that I could do no more for God. Oh, my barrenness is my daily affliction! Oh, how precious is time: and how it pains me to see it slide away, while I do so very little to any good purpose! Oh that God would make me more fruitful and spiritual!

Thursday, April 17. I enjoyed some comfort in prayer, some freedom in meditation, and composure in my studies. In the evening I preached from Psalmslxxiii.28. “But it is good for me to draw near to God.” God helped me to feel the truth of my text. I was enabled to pour out my soul to God with great freedom, fervency, and affection: and to speak with tenderness, and yet with faithfulness: and divine truths seemed to fall with weight and influence upon the hearers. My heart was melted for the dear assembly, and I loved every body in it; my soulcried, “Oh that the dear creatures might be saved! O that God would have mercy on them!”

Lord’s-day, April 20.¹I enjoyed some freedom, and exercise of faith and prayer, especially when I came to pray for Zion. I was free from gloomy discouragement; and my soul rejoiced in the hopes of Zion’s prosperity, and the enlargement of the kingdom of the great Redeemer.

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