PARTVIII.

PARTVIII.After his return from his last journey to Susquahannah, until hisdeath.[HITHERTOMr.Brainerd had kept a constantdiary, giving an account of what passed from day to day: but henceforward his diary is much interrupted by his illness; under which he was often brought so low, as not to be able to♦recollect in the evening, what had passed in the day, and set down an orderly account of it in writing. However he took some notice of the most material things concerning himself, ’till within a few days of his death.]♦“recolect” replaced with “recollect”*Lord’s-day, September 21, 1746. I was so weak I could not preach, nor ride over to my people in the forenoon. In the afternoon I rode out; sat in my chair, and discoursed to my people from Romansxiv.7, 8. I was♦strengthened in my discourse; and there appeared something agreeable in the assembly. I returned to my lodgings extremely tired; but thankful, that I had been enabled to speak a word to my poor people. I was able to sleep little, through weariness and pain. Oh, how blessed should I be, if the little I do, were all done with right views!♦“strenghened” replaced with “strengthened”Saturday, September 27. I spent this as the week past, under a great degree of bodily weakness,exercised with a violent cough, and a considerable fever; had no appetite to any kind of food; and frequently brought up what I ate, as soon as it was down: I was able, however, to ride over to my people, about two miles, every day, and take some care of those who were then at work upon a small house for me to reside in amongst the Indians¹. I was sometimes scarce able to walk, and never able to sit up the whole day. Yet I was calm and composed, and but little exercised with melancholy, as in former seasons. It was many times a comfort to me, thatlifeanddeathdid not depend upon my choice. I was pleased to think, that he who is infinitely wise, had the determination of this matter; and that I had no trouble, to consider and weigh things upon all sides, in order to make the choice, whether I would live or die. I could with great composure lookdeathin the face, and frequently with sensible joy. Oh, how blessed it is, to behabitually preparedfor death! The Lord grant, that I may beactually ready also!¹This was thefourthhouse he built for his residence among the Indians.Lord’s day, September 28. I rode to my people; and, though under much weakness, discoursed about half an hour; at which season divine power seemed to attend the word; but being extreme weak, I was obliged to desist; and after a turn of faintness, with much difficulty rodeto my lodgings, where betaking myself to my bed, I lay in a burning fever, and almost delirious, for several hours, till towards morning, my fever went off with a violent sweat. I have often been feverish after preaching: but this was the most distressing turn, that ever preaching brought upon me. Yet I felt perfectly at rest in my own mind, because I had made my utmost attempts to speak for God.Tuesday, September 30. Yesterday and to-day I was scarce able to sit up half the day. But♦I was in a composed frame remarkably free from dejection and melancholy; as God has been pleased to deliver me from these unhappy glooms, in the general course of my present weakness, and also from a peevish spirit. Oh that I may always be able to say, “Lord, not my will, but thine be done!”♦“I” replaced with “I was” and 2nd “was” deleted per ErrataSaturday, October 4. I spent the former part of this week under a great degree of disorder, as I had done several weeks before: was able, however, to ride a little every day, although unable to sit up half the day, and took some care daily of persons at work upon my house. On Friday afternoon I found myself wonderfully revived and strengthened; and having some time before given notice to my people, and those at the Forks of Delaware in particular, that I designed, to administer the sacrament of the Lord’s supper upon the first sabbath in October: on Friday afternoon I preached preparatory to the sacrament,from 2 Corinthiansxiii.5. I was surprisingly strengthened in my work, while I was speaking: but was obliged immediately after to repair to bed, being now removed into my own house among the Indians; which gave me such speedy relief, as I could not well have lived without. I spent some time on Friday night in conversing with my people as I lay upon my bed; and found my soul refreshed. This being Saturday, I discoursed particularly with divers of the communicants; and this afternoon preached from Zechariahxii.10. There seemed to be a tender melting, and hearty mourning for sin in the congregation. My soul was in a comfortable frame, and I was myself, as well as most of the congregation, much affected with the humble confession, and apparent broken-heartedness of abackslider; and could not but rejoice, that God had given him such a sense of his sin and unworthiness. I was extremely tired in the evening; but lay on my bed, and discoursed to my people.*Lord’s-day, October 5. I was still very weak; and in the morning afraid I should not be able to go through the work of the day. I discoursed before the administration of the sacrament from Johni.29. “Behold the Lamb of God, that taketh away the sin of the world.”—The divine presence attended this discourse; and the assembly was considerably melted. After sermon I baptized two persons, and then administered the Lord’s supper to near forty communicantsof the Indians, besides divers dear Christians of the white people. It was a season of divine power and grace; and numbers rejoiced in God. Oh, the sweet union and harmony then appearing among the religious people! My soul was refreshed, and my friends, of the white people, with me. After the sacrament I could scarcely get home; but was supported by my friends, and laid on my bed; where I lay in pain till the evening; and then was able to sit up and discourse with my friends. Oh, how was this day spent in prayers and praises among my dear people! One might hear them all the morning before public worship, and in the evening till near midnight, praying and singing praises to God, in one or other of their houses.*Saturday, October 11. Towards night I was seized with an ague, which was followed with a hard fever, and much pain: I was treated with great kindness and was ashamed to see so much concern about so unworthy a creature. I was in a comfortable frame of mind, wholly submissive with regard to life or death. It was indeed a peculiar satisfaction to me, to think that it was not my business to determine whether I should live or die. I likewise felt peculiarly satisfied, while under this uncommon degree of disorder; being now fully convinced of my being unable to perform my work. Oh how precious is time! And how guilty it makes me feel, when I think I have trifled away and misemployedit, or neglected to fill up each part of it with duty, to the utmost of my ability!October 19. I was willing either to die or live; but found it hard to think of living useless. Oh that I might never live to be a burden to God’s creation; but that I might be allowed to repair home, when my sojourning work is done!Friday, October 24. I spent the day in overseeing and directing my people about mending their fence, and securing their wheat. I was somewhat refreshed in the evening, having been able to do something valuable in the day time. Oh, how it pains me, to see time pass away, when I can do nothing to any purpose!Saturday, October 25. I visited some of my people: spent some time in writing, and felt much better in body than usual: when it was near night I felt so well, that I had thoughts of expounding: but in the evening was much disordered again, and spent the night in coughing, and spitting of blood.Lord’s-day, October 26. In the morning I was exceeding weak, and spent the day till near night, in pain to see my poor people wandering assheep not having a shepherd. But towards night finding myself a little better, I called them together to my house and sat down, and read and expounded Matthewv.1–16. This discourse, though delivered in much weakness, was attended with power; especially what was spoken upon the last of these verses, where I insisted on theinfinite wrong done to religion, by having ourlightbecomedarkness, instead ofshining before men. As many were deeply affected with a sense of their deficiency, in regard of spiritual conversation, and a spirit of concern and watchfulness seemed to be excited in them; so there was one that had fallen into drunkenness, sometime before, who was now deeply convinced of his sin, and discovered a great degree of concern on that account. My soul was refreshed to see this. And though I had no strength to speak so much as I would have done, but was obliged to lie down on the bed: yet I rejoiced to see such an humble melting in the congregation; and that divine truths, though faintly delivered, were attended with so much efficacy.Monday, October 27. I spent the day in directing the Indians, about mending the fence round their wheat: and was able to walk with them, and contrive their business all the forenoon. In the afternoon I was visited by two dear friends, and spent some time in conversation with them. Towards night I was able to walk out, and take care of the Indians again.October 28. I rode to Prince-Town, in a very weak state: had such a violent fever, by the way, that I was forced to alight at a friend’s house, and lie down for some time. Near night I was visited byMr.Treat,Mr.Beaty, and his wife, and another friend: my spirits were refreshed to see them: but I was surprized, and even ashamed,that they had taken so much pains as to ride thirty or forty miles to see me.Saturday, November 1. I took leave of my friends and returned home.Lord’s-day, November 2. I was unable to preach and scarcely able to sit up the whole day. I was almost sunk, to see my poor people destitute of the means of grace; and especially considering they could not read, and so were under great disadvantages for spending the sabbath comfortably. Oh, methought, I could be contented to be sick, if my poor flock had a faithful pastor to feed them. A view of their want of this was more afflictive to me, than all my bodily illness.Monday, November 3. Being now in so low a state, that I was utterly uncapable of performing my work, and having little hope of recovery, unless by much riding, I thought it my duty to take a journey into New-England, I accordingly took leave of my congregation this day.—Before I left my people, I visited them all in their respective houses, and discoursed to each, as I thought most suitable for their circumstances, and found great freedom in so doing: I scarce left one house but some were in tears, not only affected with my being about to leave them, but with the solemn addresses I made; for I was helped to be fervent in spirit. When I had thus gone through my congregation, (which took me most of the day) and had taken leave of them, and of the school, I rode about two miles, to the housewhere I lived in the summer past, and there lodged.Tuesday, November 4. I rode to Woodbridge, and lodged withMr.Pierson.Wednesday, November 5. I rode to Elisabeth-Town, intending as soon as possible to prosecute my journey. But I was in an hour or two taken much worse.—For near a week I was confined to my chamber, and most of the time to my bed; and then so far revived as to be able to walk about the house; but was still confined within doors.I was enabled to maintain a calm, composed, and patient spirit, as I had from the beginning of my weakness. After I had been in Elisabeth-Town about a fortnight, and had so far recovered that I was able to walk about the house, upon a day of thanksgiving kept in this place, I was enabled to recount the mercies of God, in such a manner as greatly affected me, and filled me with thankfulness to God; especially for his work of grace among the Indians, and the enlargement of his kingdom. “Lord, glorify thyself,” was the cry of my soul. Oh that all people might love and praise the blessed God!After this comfortable season, I frequently enjoyed enlargement of soul in prayer for my dear congregation, very often for every family, and every person in particular; and it was a great comfort to me, that I could pray heartily to God for those whom I was not allowed to see.In the latter end of December, I grew still weaker, and continued to do so, till the latter end of January 1746–7. And having a violent cough, a considerable fever, and no appetite for any manner of food, I was reduced to so low a state, that my friends generally despaired of my life; and for some time together, thought I could scarce live a day to an end.On Lord’s-day, February 1. “If ye, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the holy Spirit to them that ask him?” This text I was helped to plead, and saw the divine faithfulness engaged for dealing with me better than any earthly parent can do with his child. This season so refreshed my soul, that my body seemed also to be a gainer by it. And from this time, I began gradually to amend. And as I recovered some strength, vigour, and spirit, I found at times some life in the exercises of devotion, and longings after spirituality and a life of usefulness.On Tuesday, February 24. I was able to ride as far as Newark, (having been confined within Elisabeth-Town almost four months,) and the next day returned to Elisabeth-Town. My spirits were somewhat refreshed with the ride, though my body was weary.On Saturday, February 28. I was visited by an Indian of my own congregation, who brought me letters, and good news of the behaviour ofmy people in general. This refreshed my soul, I could not but retire and bless God for his goodness.Wednesday, March 11, being kept in Elisabeth-Town♦as a day of fasting and prayer, I was able to attend public worship, which was the first time since December 21. Oh, how much distress did God carry me through in this space of time! But having obtained help from him, I yet live: Oh that I could live to his glory!♦“at” replaced with “as”Thursday, March 18. I rode to my people: and on Friday morning walked about among them and inquired into their state and concerns; and found an additional weight on my spirits upon hearing some things disagreeable. I endeavoured to go to God with my distresses: but notwithstanding, my mind continued very gloomy. About ten o’clock, I called my people together, and after having explained and sung a psalm, I prayed with them. There was a considerable deal of affection among them; I doubt not, that which was more than merely natural.[This was thelast interviewthat he ever had with his people. About eleven o’clock the same day, he left them: and the next day came to Elisabeth-Town.]Saturday, March 28. I was taken this morning with a violent griping. These pains were extreme and constant, for several hours: so that it seemed impossible for me, without a miracle, to live twenty-four hours. I lay confined to mybed, the whole day: but it pleased God to bless means for the abatement of my distress. I was exceedingly weakened by this pain, and continued so for several days following. In this distressed case,deathappeared agreeable to me: as an entrance into a place “where the weary are at rest;” and, I had some relish of the entertainments of the heavenly state; so that by these I was allured and drawn, as well as driven by the fatigues of life. Oh, how happy it is, to be drawn by desires of a state of perfect holiness!Saturday, April 4. I was uneasy, by reason of the misemployment of time: and yet knew not what to do: I longed to spend time in fasting and prayer; but alas, I had not bodily strength! Oh, how blessed a thing is it, to enjoy peace of conscience! How dreadful is a want of inward peace! It is impossible, I find, to enjoy this happiness withoutredeeming time, and maintaining a spiritual frame of mind.Lord’s-day, April 5. It grieved me, to find myself so inconceivably barren. My soul thirsted for grace; but, alas, how far was I from obtaining what I saw so excellent! I was ready to despair of ever being holy; and yet my soul was desirous offollowing hard after God; but never did I see myself so far fromhaving apprehended, or being already perfect. The Lord’s supper being this day administered, in the season of communion, I enjoyed warmth of affection, and felt a tenderlove to the brethren; and, to the gloriousRedeemer, thefirst-bornamong them. I endeavoured then tobring forthmine andhis enemies, andslay them before him; and found great freedom in begging deliverance from this spiritual death, as well as in asking favours for my friends and congregation, and the church of Christ in general.Friday, April 17. In the evening, God helped me to “draw near to the throne of grace,” and gave me a sense of his favour, which gave me inexpressible support and encouragement; I could not but rejoice, that ever God should discover his reconciled face to such a vile sinner. Shame and confusion, at times, covered me; and then hope, and joy, and admiration of the divine goodness.Tuesday, April 21. I set out on my journey for New-England; I travelled to New-York, and there lodged.[This proved his final departure from New-Jersey.—He travelled slowly, and arrived among his friends at East-Haddam, about the beginning of May.]Lord’s-day, May 10. (At Had-Lime) I could not but feel gratitude to God, that he had always disposed me, in my ministry, to insist on the great doctrines ofregeneration, a new creature, faith in Christ, progressive sanctification, supreme love to God, living entirely to the glory of God, being not our own, and the like. God has helped me to see, from time to time, that these, and thelike doctrines, necessarily connected with them, are the only foundation of safety and salvation for perishing sinners; and that those divine dispositions, which are consonant hereto, are thatholiness, “without which no man shall see the Lord:” the exercise of these God-like tempers, wherein the soul acts in a kind of concert with God, and would be and do every thing that is pleasing to God; this, I saw, would stand by the soul in a dying hour; for God mustdeny himself, if he cast awayhis own image, even the soul that is one in desires with himself.Lord’s-day, May 17. Though I felt much dulness this week; yet I had some glimpses of the excellency of divine things; and especially one morning, the beauty of holiness, as a likeness to the glorious God, was so discovered to me, that I longed earnestly to be in that world where holiness dwells in perfection, that I might please God, live entirely to him, and glorify him to the utmost stretch of my capacities.*Lord’s-day. May 24. (At Long-Meadow in Springfield) I could not but think, as I have often remarked to others, that much more oftrue religionconsists indeep humility, brokenness of heart, and an abasing sense of want of holiness, than most who are calledChristiansimagine.[On Thursday, May 28. He came from Long-Meadow to Northampton, appearing vastly better than he had been in the winter; indeed so well, that he was able to ride twenty-fivemiles in a day, and to walk half a mile; but yet he was undoubtedly, at that time, in a confirmed, incurable consumption.*I had much opportunity before this, of particular information concerning him, but now I had opportunity for a more full acquaintance with him. I found him remarkably sociable, pleasant, and entertaining in his conversation; yet solid, savoury, spiritual, and very profitable; appearing meek, modest, and humble, far from any stiffness, moroseness, superstitious demureness, or affected singularity in speech or behaviour. We enjoyed not only the benefit of his conversation, but had the comfort of hearing him pray in the family, from time to time. His manner of praying was becoming a worm of the dust, and a disciple of Christ addressing an infinitely great and holy God, and Father of mercies; not with florid expressions, or a studied eloquence; not with any intemperate vehemence, or indecent boldness; at the greatest distance from any appearance of ostentation, and from every thing that might look as though he meant to recommend himself to those that were about him, or set himself off to their acceptance, free from vain repetitions, without impertinent excursions, or needless multiplying of words. He expressed himself with the strictest propriety, with weight and pungency; and yet what his lips uttered seemed to flow from thefulness of his heart, deeply impressed with a great and solemnsense of our necessities, unworthiness, and dependence, of God’s infinite greatness, excellency, and sufficiency, rather than merely from a warm and fruitful brain. And I know not, that ever I heard him so much as ask a blessing or return thanks at table, but there was something remarkable to be observed both in the matter and manner of the performance. In his prayers he insisted much on the prosperity of Zion, the advancement of Christ’s kingdom in the world, and the flourishing and propagation of religion among the Indians. And he generally made it one petition in his prayer, “that we might not outlive our usefulness.”][This week he consultedDr.Mather, at my house, concerning his illness; who plainly told him there were great evidences of his being in a confirmedconsumption, and that he could give him no encouragement, that he should ever recover. But it seemed not to occasion the least discomposure in him, nor to make any alteration as to the freedom or pleasantness of his conversation.]*Lord’s-day, June 7. My soul was so drawn forth, this day, by what I heard of the “exceeding preciousness of the grace of God’s Spirit,” that it almost overcame my body: I saw that true grace is exceeding precious indeed; that it is very rare; and that there is but a very small degree of it, even where the reality of it is to be found.In the preceeding week, I enjoyed some comfortable seasons of meditation. One morning the cause of God appeared exceeding precious to me: I saw also, that God has an infinitely greater concern for it, than I could possibly have; that if I have any true love to this blessed interest, it is only a drop derived from that ocean. Hence I was ready to “lift up my head with joy;” and conclude, “Well, if God’s cause be so dear and precious to him, he will promote it.”[He was advised by physicians still to continue riding as what would tend to prolong his life. He was at a loss for some time which way to bend his course; but finally determined to ride to Boston; we having concluded that one of this family should go with him and be helpful to him in his low state.]Tuesday, June 9. I set out on a journey from Northampton to Boston.Having now continued to ride for some considerable time, I felt myself much better, and I found that in proportion to the prospect I had of being restored to a state of usefulness, I desired the continuance of life: but death appeared inconceivably more desirable to me, than a useless life; yet blessed be God, I found my heart fully resigned to this greatest of afflictions, if God saw fit thus to deal with me.Friday,♦June 12. I arrived in Boston this day, somewhat fatigued with my journey. There isno rest but in God; fatigues of body, and anxieties of mind, attend us, both in town and country.♦“July” replaced with “June”On Thursday, June 18. I was taken exceeding ill, and brought to the gates of death, by the breaking of some small ulcers in my lungs, as my physician supposed. In this weak state I continued several weeks, and was frequently so low, as to be utterly speechless; and even after I had so far revived as to step out of doors, I was exercised every day with a faint turn, which continued usually four or five hours; at which times, though I could sayYesorNo, yet I could not speak one sentence, without making stops for breath; and divers times in this season, my friends gathered round my bed to see me breathe my last.How I was, the first day or two of my illness, with regard to the exercise of reason, I scarcely know; but the third day, and constantly afterwards, for four or five weeks together, I enjoyed as much serenity of mind, and clearness of thought, as perhaps I ever did in my life. And I think my mind never penetrated with so much ease and freedom into divine things, and I never felt so capable of demonstrating the truth of many important doctrines of the gospel as now.As God was pleased to afford me clearness of thought almost continually, for several weeks together; so he enabled me in some measure, to employ my time to valuable purposes. I was enabled to write a number of importantletters, to friends in remote places; and sometimes I wroteI was speechless,i. e.unable to maintain conversation with any body.—*Besides this I had many visitants; with whom when I was able to speak, I always conversed of the things of religion: and was peculiarly assisted in distinguishing betweentrueandfalsereligion. And especially I discoursed repeatedly on the nature and necessity of thathumiliation,self-emptiness, or full conviction of a person’s being utterly undone in himself, which is necessary in order to a saving faith, and the extreme difficulty of being brought to this, and the great danger there is of persons taking up with someself-righteous appearancesof it. Thedangerof this I especially dwelt upon, being persuaded that multitudes perish in this hidden way; because so little is said from most pulpits to discover any danger here: so that persons being never effectually brought to die to themselves, are never truly united to Christ. I also discoursed much on what I take to be the essence of true religion, that God-like temper and disposition of soul, and that holy conversation and behaviour, that may justly claim the honour of having God for its original pattern. And I have reason to hope God blessed my discoursing to some, both ministers and people; so that my time was not wholly lost.[Also the honourable Commissioners in Boston, of the incorporated society in London for♦propagating the gospel in New-England, and parts adjacent, having a legacy of the lateDr.Daniel Williams of London, for the support oftwomissionariesto the Heathen, were pleased, while he was at Boston, to consult him about a mission to those Indians called theSix Nations; and were so satisfied with his sentiments on this head, and had that confidence in his faithfulness, and judgment, that they desired him to recommend a couple of persons fit to be employed in this business.♦“propogating” replaced with “propagating”Mr.Brainerd’s restoration from his extreme low state in Boston, so as to go abroad again and to travel, was very unexpected to him and his friends. My daughter who was with him writes thus concerning him in a letter dated June 23.—“On Thursday he was very ill of a violent fever, and extreme pain in his head and breast, and at turns, delirious. So he remained till Saturday evening, when he seemed to be in the agonies of death: the family was up with him ’till one or two o’clock, expecting every hour would be his last. On sabbath day he was a little revived, his head was better, but very full of pain, and exceeding sore at his breast, much put to it for breath. Yesterday he was better upon all accounts. Last night he slept but little. This morning he is much worse.——Dr.Pynchon says, he has no hopes of his life; nor does he think it likely he will ever come out of his chamber.”His physician, the honourable Joseph Pynchon,Esq.when he visited him in Boston, attributed his sinking so suddenly into a state so nigh unto death, to the breaking of ulcers, thathad been long gathering in his lungs, and there discharging and diffusing their purulent matter; which, while nature was labouring and struggling to throw off, (that could be done no otherwise, than by a gradual straining of it through the small vessels of those vital parts,) this occasioned an high fever and violent coughing, and threw the whole frame of nature into the utmost disorder; but supposed if the state of nature held till the lungs had gradually cleared themselves of this putrid matter, he might revive, and continue better, till new ulcers gathered and broke; but then he would surely sink again; and that there was no hope of his recovery; but (as he expressed himself to one of my neighbours) he was as certainly a dead man, as if he was shot through the heart.But so it was ordered by divine Providence, that the strength of nature held out through this great conflict, and then he revived, to the astonishment of all that knew his case.After he began to revive, he was visited by his youngest brotherMr.Israel Brainerd, a student at Yale-college; who having heard of his extreme illness, came to Boston to see him.This visit was attended with a mixture of joy and sorrow toMr.Brainerd. He greatly rejoiced to see his brother, especially because he had desired an opportunity of some religious conversation with him before he died. But this meeting was attended with sorrow, as his brother broughtto him the tidings of his sister Spencer’s death at Haddam: a sister, between whom and him had long subsisted a peculiar dear affection, and much intimacy in spiritual matters. He had heard nothing of her sickness. But he had these comforts together with the tidings, a confidence of her being gone to heaven, and an expectation of soon meeting her there.—His brother continued with him till he left the town, and came with him from thence to Northampton.[Concerning the last SabbathMr.Brainerd spent at Boston, he writes in hisdiaryas follows.]Lord’s-day, July 19. I was just able to attend public worship, being carried to the house of God in a chaise. I heardDr.Sewall preach in the forenoon; partook of the Lord’s supper at this time. In the sacrament, I saw astonishingwisdomdisplayed; such wisdom as required the tongues of angels and glorified saints to celebrate. It seemed to me I never should do any thing at adoring the infinitewisdomof God discovered in the contrivance of man’s redemption, until I arrived at a world of perfection. Yet I could not help striving to “call upon my soul, and all within me, to bless the name of God.”[The next day he set out in the cool of the afternoon, for Northampton, attended by his brother, and my daughter that went with him to Boston; and would have been accompanied out of the town by a number of gentlemen, had nothis aversion to any thing of pomp and shew prevented it.]Saturday, July 25. I arrived at Northampton, having set out from Boston on Monday. In this journey, I rode about sixteen miles a day, one day with another. I was sometimes extremely tired, so that it seemed impossible for me to proceed any further: at other times I was considerably better, and felt some freedom both of body and mind.Lord’s-day, July 26. This day, I saw clearly, that God himself could not make me happy unless I could be in a capacity to “please and glorify him for ever.” Take awaythis, and admit me into all the fineheavensthat can be conceived by men or angels, and I should still bemiserablefor ever.Though he had revived, so as to be able to travel thus far, yet he manifested no expectation of recovery: he supposed as his physician did, that his being brought so near to death at Boston, was owing to the breaking of ulcers in his lungs. He told me that he had had several such ill turns before, only not to so high a degree, but as he supposed owing to the same cause; and that he was brought lower and lower every time; and it appeared to him, that in his last sickness (in Boston) he was brought as low as possible, and yet alive; and that he had not the least expectation of surviving the next return of thisbreaking of ulcers; but still appeared perfectly calm.On Wednesday morning, the week after he came to Northampton, he took leave of his brother Israel, never expecting to see him again in this world.WhenMr.Brainerd came hither, he had so much strength as to be able, from day to day, to ride out two or three miles, and to return; and sometimes to pray in the family; but from this time he sensibly decayed, and became weaker and weaker.*While he was here, his conversation from first to last was much on the same subjects as it had been in Boston. He was much in speaking of the nature oftrue religion, as distinguished from its variouscounterfeits; expressing his great concern, that the latter did so much prevail in so many places. He often manifested his great abhorrence of all suchdoctrinesandprinciples, as in any wise savoured of, and had any (though but a remote) tendency to Antinomianism; of all such notions as seemed to diminish the necessity of holiness of life, or to abate men’s regard to the commands of God, and a strict, diligent, and universal practice of virtue, under a pretence of depreciating our works, and magnifying God’s free grace. He spake often with much detestation, of such discoveries and joys as have nothing of the nature ofsanctificationin them, and do not tend to strictness, tenderness, and diligence in religion,and meekness and benevolence toward mankind: and he also declared, that he looked on such pretendedhumilityas worthy of no regard, that was not manifested bymodestyofconductandconversation.*After he came hither, as long as he lived, he was much in speaking of the future prosperity of Zion that is so often promised in scripture: and his mind seemed to be carried forth with intense desires, that religion might speedily revive and flourish; yea, the nearer death advanced, still the more did his mind seem to be taken up with this subject. He told me, when near his end, that “he never in all his life had his mind so led forth in desires and earnest prayers for the flourishing ofChrist’s kingdomon earth, as since he was brought so exceeding low at Boston.” He seemed much to wonder, that there appeared no more of a disposition in ministers and people to pray for the flourishing of religion through the world; that so little a part of their prayers was generally taken up about it, in their families, and elsewhere; and particularly, he several times expressed his wonder, that there appeared no more forwardness to comply with theproposallately made in a memorial from a number of ministers in Scotland, and sent over into America, forunited extraordinary prayer, among Christ’s ministers and people, for thecoming of Christ’s kingdom: and he sent as his dying advice tohis owncongregation, that they should practise agreeably to that proposal.¹¹His congregation, since this, have with great chearfulness and unanimity fallen in with this advice, and have practised agreeably to the proposal from Scotland; and have at times appeared with uncommon engagedness and fervency of spirit in their united devotions, pursuant to that proposal. Also the presbyteries of New-York, and New-Brunswick, since this, have with one consent, fallen in with the proposal, as likewise some others of God’s people in those parts.*Though he was exceeding weak, yet there appeared in him a continual care well to employ time, and fill it up with something that might be profitable; either profitable conversation, or writing letters to absent friends, or noting something in his diary, or looking over his former writings, correcting them, and preparing them to be left in the hands of others at his death, or giving some directions concerning a future management of his people, or employment in secret devotions. He seemed never to be easy, however ill, if he was not doing something for God, or in his service.In his diary for Lord’s-day, August 16, he speaks of his having so much refreshment of soul in the house of God, that it seemed also to refresh his body. And this is not only noted in his diary, but was very observable to others: it was very apparent, not only, that his mind was exhilarated with inward consolation, but also that his animal spirits and bodily strength were remarkablyrestored.——But this was the last time that ever he attended public worship on the sabbath.On Tuesday morning that week (I being absent on a journey) he prayed with my family: but not without much difficulty; and this was the last family prayer that ever he made.He had been wont, till now, frequently to ride out, two or three miles; but this week, on Thursday, was the last time he ever did so.]Lord’s-day, August 23. This morning I was considerably refreshed with the thought, yea, the expectation of theenlargement of Christ’s kingdom; and I could not but hope, the time was at hand, when Babylon the Great would fall, and rise no more. I was unable to attend public worship: but God was pleased to afford me satisfaction in divine thoughts. Nothing so refreshes my soul, as when I can go to God, yea, to God my exceeding joy.*In this week past, I had divers turns of inward refreshing, though my body was inexpressibly weak. Sometimes my soul centered in God, as my only portion; and I felt that I should be for ever unhappy, if he did not reign: I saw the sweetness and happiness of being his subject, at his disposal. This made all my difficulties quickly vanish.[Till this week he had been wont to lodge in a room above stairs; but he now grew so weak, that he was no longer able to go up stairs and down. Friday, August 28, was the last time heever went above stairs, henceforward he betook himself to a lower room.On Wednesday, September 2. Being the day of our public lecture, he seemed to be refreshed with seeing the neighbouring ministers, and expressed a great desire once more to go to the house of God: and accordingly rode to the meeting, and attended divine service, while theRev.Mr.Woodbridge of Hatfield preached. He signified that he supposed it to be the last time that ever he should attend the public worship, as it proved. And indeed it was the last time that ever he went out at our gate alive.On the Saturday evening next following, he was unexpectedly visited by his brotherMr.John Brainerd. He was much refreshed by this unexpected visit, this brother being peculiarly dear to him: and he seemed to rejoice in a devout manner, to see him, and to hear the comfortable tidings he brought concerning the state of his dear Indians: and a circumstance of this visit, that he was exceeding glad of, was, that his brother brought him some of his private writings from New-Jersey, and particularly his diary that he had kept for many years past.]Lord’s-day, September 6. I began to read some of my private writings, which my brother brought me; and was considerably refreshed with what I met with in them.Monday, September 7. I proceeded further in reading my old private writings, and foundthey had the same effect upon me as before: I could not but rejoice and bless God for what passed long ago, which without writing had been entirely lost.*This evening when I was in great distress of body, my soul longed that God should be glorified: I saw there was no heaven but this. I could not but speak to the by-standers then of the only happiness,viz.pleasing God. Oh that I could ever live to God! The day, I trust, is at hand, the perfect day: Oh, the day of deliverance from all sin!Lord’s-day, September 13. I was much refreshed and engaged in meditation and writing, and found a heart to act for God. My spirits were refreshed, and my soul delighted to do something for God.[On the evening following that Lord’s-day, his feet began to swell, which thenceforward swelled more and more. A symptom of his dissolution coming on.The next day his brother left him, being obliged to return to New-Jersey on some business of great importance, intending to return again with all possible speed, hoping to see his brother yet once more in the land of the living.Mr.Brainerd having now with much deliberation considered the important affair before-mentioned, left with him by the honourable commissioners in Boston,viz.the recommending two persons proper to be employed as missionaries to thesix nations, he about this time wrote a letter, recommending two young gentlemen of his acquaintanceMr.Elihu Spencer of East-Haddam, andMr.Job Strong of Northampton. The commissioners on the receipt of this letter, unanimously agreed to accept of the persons he had recommended.He also this week, wrote a letter to a gentleman in Boston, relating to the growth of the Indian school, and the need of another school-master. The gentlemen, on the receipt of this letter, had a meeting, and agreed with chearfulness to give 200l. (in bills of the old tenor) for the support of another school-master; and desired theRev.Mr.Pemberton of New-York, as soon as possible to procure a suitable person for that service: and also agreed to allow 75l. to defray some special charges that were requisite to encourage the mission to the six Nations.Mr.Brainerd spent himself much in writing those letters, being exceeding weak: but it seemed to be much to his satisfaction, that he had been enabled to do it; hoping that it was something done for God, and which might be for the advancement of Christ’s kingdom and glory. In writing the last of these letters, he was obliged to use the hand of another, not being able to write himself.On the Thursday of this week (September 17.) was the last time that ever he went out of his lodging-room. That day, he was again visitedby his brother Israel, who continued with him thenceforward till his death. *On that evening he was taken with something of adiarrhea; which he looked upon as another sign of his approachingdeath: whereupon he expressed himself thus; “Oh, the glorious time is now coming! I have longed to serve God perfectly: now God will gratify those desires!” And from time to time, at the several new symptoms of his dissolution, he was so far from being damped, that he seemed to be animated; as being glad at the appearances of death’s approach. He often used the epithet,glorious, when speaking of the day of hisdeath, calling itthat glorious day. And as he saw his dissolution gradually approaching, he was much in talking about it, and also settling all his affairs, very particularly and minutely giving directions concerning what he would have done. And the nearer death approached, the more desirous he seemed to be of it. He several times spake of the different kinds ofwillingness to die; and spoke of it as a mean kind of willingness to die, to be willing to leave the body only to get rid of pain.]*Saturday, September 19. While I attempted to walk a little, my thoughts turned thus; “How infinitely sweet it is, to love God, and be all for him!” Upon which it was suggested to me, “You are not an angel, lively and active.” To which my soul immediately replied, I as sincerely desire to love and glorify God, as any angel inheaven.” Upon which it was suggested again, “But you are filthy, and not fit for heaven.” Hereupon instantly appeared the blessed robes of Christ’srighteousness, which I could not but exult and triumph in; and I viewed the infinite excellency of God, and my soul even broke out with longings, that God should beglorified. I thought of dignity in heaven: but instantly the thought returned, “I do not go to heaven to get honour, but to give all♦possible glory and praise.” Oh, how I longed that God should be glorified onearthalso!Bodily painsI cared not for: though I was then in extremity, I never felt easier; I felt willing toglorify Godin that state, as long as he pleased. Thegraveappeared really sweet, and I longed to lodge my weary bones in it: but Oh, that God might beglorified! this was the burden of all my cry. Oh, I knew, I should beactiveas an angel, in heaven; and that I should be stripped of myfilthy garments!——But Oh, toloveandpraiseGod more, topleasehim for ever! this my soul panted after, and even now pants for while I write. Oh thatGodmight beglorifiedin the whole earth! “Lord, let thy kingdom come.” I longed for a spirit ofpreachingto descend and rest onministers, that they might address the consciences of men with closeness and power. I saw God, had the residue of the spirit; and my soul longed it should be “poured from on high.” I could not butplead with God for my dear congregation, that he would preserve it, and not sufferhis great nameto lose its glory in that work; my soul still longing, that God might beglorified.♦“possibly” replaced with “possible” per Errata*[In the evening, his mouth spake out of the abundance of his heart, expressing in a very affecting manner much the same things as are written in hisdiary: and among many other extraordinary expressions, were these; “My heavenis topleaseGod, andglorifyhim, and to give all to him, and to be wholly devoted to his glory; that is the heaven I long for; this is myreligion, and that is my happiness, and always was, ever since I had any true religion; and all those that are ofthatreligion shall meetmein heaven—I do not go to heaven to be advanced, but to give honour to God. It is no matter where I shall be stationed in heaven, whether I have a high or a low seat there; but to love, and please, and glorify God is all: had I athousand souls, if they were worth any thing, I would give them all to God; but I have nothing to give, when all is done.——It is impossible for any rational creature to behappywithout acting allfor God; God himself could not make him happy any other way.——I long to be in heaven,praisingandglorifyingGod with the holy angels: all my desire is to glorify God.——My heart goes out to theburying-place; it seems to me adesirableplace; but Oh toglorifyGod! that is it; that is above all.——It is a great comfort to me, to think that Ihave done a little for God in the world: Oh! it is but avery smallmatter; yet Ihavedone alittle, and I lament it, that I have done nomorefor him.——There is nothing in the world worth living for, butdoing goodandfinishing God’s work. I see nothing else in the world, that can yield any satisfaction, besidesliving to God, pleasing him, anddoing his whole will.——My greatest joy and comfort has been, to do something for promoting the interest of religion, and the souls of particular persons: and now, in my illness, while I am full of pain and distress from day to day, all the comfort I have, is in being able to do some littlechar(or small piece of work)for God; either by something that I say, or by writing, or some other way.”He intermingled with these and other like expressions, many patheticcounselsto those that were about him; particularly to my children and servants. He applied himself to some of my younger children at this time; calling them to him, and speaking to them one by one; setting before them in a very plain manner, the nature of true piety, and its great importance; earnestly warning them not to rest in any thing short of that true and thorough change of heart, and a life devoted to God; counselling them not to be slack in the great business of religion, nor in the least to delay it; enforcing his counsels with this, that his words were the words of a dying man; said he, “I shall die here, and here shallI be buried, and here you will see my grave, and do you remember what I have said to you. I am going into eternity: the endlessness of it makes it sweet: but Oh, what shall I say to the eternity of thewicked! I cannot mention it, nor think of it; the thought is too dreadful. When you see my grave, then remember what I said to you when I was alive; then think with yourself how the man that lies in that grave, counselled and warned me to prepare for death.”His body seemed to be marvelously strengthened, through the inward vigour of hismind; so that, although before he was so weak he could hardly utter a sentence, yet now he continued his most affecting discourse for more than an hour, with scarce any intermission; and said of it, when he had done, “it was the last sermon that ever he should preach.”[It appears by what is noted in hisdiary, both of this day and the evening preceeding, that his mind was at this time much impressed with a sense of the importance of the work of the ministry, and the need of the grace of God, and his special assistance in this work; and it also appeared in what he expressed in conversation; particularly in his discourse to his brother Israel, who was then a member of Yale-college at New-Haven, and had been prosecuting his studies there, to the end that he might be fitted for the work of the ministry, and was now with him. He now,and from time to time, recommended to his brother a life of self-denial, of weanedness from the world, and devotedness to God, and an earnest endeavour to obtain much of the grace of God’s Spirit, and God’s gracious influences on his heart; representing the great need which ministers stand in of them, and the unspeakable benefit of them from his own experience. Among many other expressions he said, *“When ministers feel these gracious influences on their hearts, it wonderfully assists them to come at the consciences of men, and as it were to handle them with their hands; whereas, without them, whatever reason and oratory we make use of, we do but make use of stumps instead of hands.”]Monday, September 21. I began to correct a little volume of my private writings: God, I believe, remarkably helped me in it: my strength was♦surprisingly lengthened out, my thoughts quick and lively, and my soul refreshed, hoping it might be a work for God. Oh, how good, how sweet it is to labour for God!♦“suprisingly” replaced with “surprisingly”Tuesday, September 22. I was again employed in reading and correcting, and had the same success, as the day before. I was exceeding weak; but it seemed to refresh my soul thus to spend my time.Wednesday, September 23. I finished my corrections of the little piece forementioned, and felt uncommonly peaceful: it seemed as if I had now done all my work in this world, and stoodready for my call to a better. *As long as I see any thing to be done for God, life is worth having: but Oh, how vain and unworthy it is, to live for any lower end!Friday, September 25. This day I was unspeakably weak, and little better than speechless all the day: however, I was able to write a little, and felt comfortably. Oh, it refreshed my soul, to think of former things, of desires to glorify God, of the pleasures of living to him! “Oh my dear God, I am speedily coming to thee, I hope! Hasten the day, O Lord, if it be thy blessed will: Oh come, Lord Jesus, come quickly. Amen.”¹¹This was the last that ever he wrote in hisdiarywith his own hand: though it is continued a little farther, in a broken manner; written by his brother Israel, but indited by his mouth.September 27. He felt an unusual appetite to food; with which his mind seemed to beexhilarated, as a sign of the very near approach ofdeath. He said upon it, “I was born on asabbath-day; and I have reason to think I was new-born on asabbath-day; and I hope I shall die on thissabbath-day; I shall look upon it as a favour, if it may be the will of God that it should be so: I long for the time. Oh,why is the chariot so long in coming? why tarry the wheels of his chariot?I am very willing to part with all: I am willing to part with my dear brother John, and never to see him again, to go to be for ever withthe Lord. Oh, when I go there, how will God’s dear church on earth be upon my mind!”*Afterwards the same morning, being asked how he did? he answered, “I am almost in eternity: I long to be there. My work is done: I have done with all my friends; all the world is nothing to me. I long to be in heaven,praising and glorifying Godwith the holyangels: all my desire is to glorify God.”During the whole of these last two weeks of his life, he seemed to continue loose from all the world, as having done his work, and done with all things here below, having nothing to do but to die, and abiding in an earnest desire and expectation of the happy moment, when his soul should take its flight, and go to a state of perfection, of holiness, and perfect glorying and enjoying God. He said, “That the consideration of the day of death, and the day of judgment, had a long time been peculiarly sweet to him.” He from time to time spake of his being willing to leave the body and the world immediately, if it was the will of God. He also was much in expressing his longing that the church of Christ on earth might flourish, and Christ’s kingdom here might be advanced, notwithstanding he was about to leave theearth, and should not with his eyes behold the desirable event. He said to me, one morning, “My thoughts have been employed on the old dear theme,the prosperityof God’s church onearth.As I waked out of sleep, I was led to cry for the pouring out of God’s Spirit, and the advancement of Christ’s kingdom, which the dear Redeemer did, and suffered so much for. It is that especially makes me long for it.”He once told me, that “he had formerly longed for the out-pouring of the Spirit of God, and the glorious times of the church, and hoped they were coming: and should have been willing to have lived to promote religion at that time, if that had been the will of God: but (says he) I am willing it should be as it is: I would not have the choice to make for myself, for ten thousand worlds.” He expressed on his death-bed a full persuasion that he should inheavensee the prosperity of the church on earth, and should rejoice with Christ therein; and the consideration of it seemed to be highly pleasing to his mind.He also still dwelt much on the great importance of the work ofministers; and expressed his longings, that they might befilled with the Spirit of God; and manifested much desire to see some of the neighbouring ministers, whom he had some acquaintance with, that he might converse freely with them on that subject before he died. And it so happened, that he had opportunity with some of them, according to his desire.Another thing that lay much on his heart, and that he spake of, from time to time, in these near approaches of death, was the spiritual prosperity of his own congregation: and when hespake of them, it was with peculiar tenderness, so that his speech would be presently interrupted and drowned with tears.*He also expressed much satisfaction in the disposals of Providence, with regard to the circumstances of hisdeath; particularly that God had before his death given him the opportunity he had in Boston, with so many considerable persons, ministers, and others, to give in his testimony for God, and against false religion; and there to lay before charitable gentlemen, the state of the Indians, to so good effect; and that God had since given him an opportunity to write to them farther concerning these affairs; and to write other letters of importance, that he hoped might be of good influence with regard to the state of religion among the Indians, and elsewhere, after his death. He also mentioned it as what he accounted a merciful circumstance of his death, that he should die here. And speaking of these things, he said, “God had granted him all his desire;” and signified, that now he could with the greater alacrity leave the world.]Monday, September 28. I was able to read, and make some few corrections in my private writings; but found I could not write as I had done; I found myself sensibly declining in all respects. It has been only from a little while before noon, till about one or two o’clock, that I have been able to do any thing for some timepast: yet this refreshed my heart, that I could do any thing, either public or private for God.[This evening, he was supposed to be dying: he thought so himself, and was thought so by those who were about him. He seemed glad at the appearance of death. He was almost speechless, but his lips appeared to move: and one that sat very near him, heard him utter, “Come, Lord Jesus, come quickly.—Oh, why is his chariot so long in coming!”—After he revived, he blamed himself for having been too eager to be gone. *And in expressing what he found in his mind at that time, he said, he then found an inexpressibly sweet love to those that he looked upon asbelonging to Christ, beyond all that ever he felt before; so that it “seemed (to use his own words) like a little piece ofheavento have one of them near him.” And being asked, whether he heard the prayer that was (at his desire) made with him; he said, “Yes, he heard every word, and had an uncommon sense of the things that were uttered in that prayer, and that every word reached his heart.”On the evening of Tuesday, September 29, as he lay in his bed, his mind seemed greatly engaged concerning the prosperity of Zion: there being present at that time twocandidatesfor theministry, he desired us all to unite in singing a psalm on that subject, even Zion’s prosperity. And on his desire we sung a part of the102dPsalm. This seemed much to refresh him, andgave him new strength; so that, though before he could scarce speak at all, now he proceeded, with some freedom of speech, to give his dying counsels to those two young gentlemen, relating to the great work of the ministry they were designed for. In particular, he earnestly recommended to them frequent secretfastingandprayer: and enforced his counsel with regard to this, from his ownexperienceof the great comfort and benefit of it; which (said he) I should not mention, were it not that I am adyingperson. And after he had finished his counsel, he made a prayer, in the audience of us all; wherein, besides praying for his family, for his brethren, and those candidates for the ministry, and for his own congregation, he earnestly prayed for the reviving and flourishing of religion in the world.Till now, he had every day sat up part of the day; but after this he never rose from his bed.]Wednesday, September 30. I was obliged to keep my bed the whole day, through weakness. However I redeemed a little time, and with the help of my brother, read and corrected about a dozen pages in myM. S.giving an account of my conversion.Friday, October 2. My soul was this day, at turns, sweetly set on God: I longed to be with him, that I mightbehold his glory: I felt sweetly disposed to commit all to him, even my dearest friends; my dearest flock, and my absent brother,and all my concerns for time and eternity. Oh that his kingdom might come into the world; that they might all love and glorify him; and that the blessed Redeemer might “see of the travail of his soul, and be satisfied! Oh, come, Lord Jesus, come quickly! Amen.”¹¹Here ends his diary: these are the last words, that are written in it, either by his own hand, or from his mouth.[The next evening we much expected his brother John from New-Jersey; it being about a week after the time that he proposed for his return. And though our expectations were still disappointed; yetMr.Brainerd seemed to continue unmoved, in the same calm frame, that he had before manifested; as having resigned all to God, and having done with his friends, and with all things here below.*On the morning of the next day, being Lord’s-day, October 4, as my daughter Jerusha (who chiefly tended him) came into the room, he looked on her very pleasantly, and said, “Dear Jerusha, are you willing to part with me?—I am quite willing to part with you; I am willing to part with all my friends: I am willing to part with my dear brother John, although I love him the best of any creature living; I have committed him and all my friends to God, and can leave them with God. Though, if I thought I should not see you, and be happy with you in another world I could not bear to part with you. But we shall spend an happy eternitytogether!”¹In the evening, as one came into the room with a bible in her hand, he said, “Oh, that dear book! that lovely book! I shall soon see it opened! the mysteries that are in it, and the mysteries of God’s providence, will be all unfolded!”¹Since this, it has pleased God to take away this my dear child, on the14thof February next following, after a short illness of five days, in the eighteenth year of her age. She was a person of much the same spirit withMr.Brainerd. She had constantly taken care of, and attended him in his sickness, for nineteen weeks before his death, devoting herself to it with great delight, because she looked on him as an eminent servant of Jesus Christ. In this time, he had much conversation with her on things of religion; and in his dying state, often expressed to us, her parents, his great satisfaction concerning her true piety, and his confidence that he should meet her in heaven; and his high opinion of her, not only as a true Christian, but a very eminent saint; one whose soul was uncommonly fed and entertained with things that appertain to the most spiritual parts of religion; and one who, by the temper of her mind, was fitted to deny herself for God, and to do good beyond any young woman that he knew of. She had manifested a heart uncommonly devoted to God, in the course of her life, many years before her death; and said on her death-bed, that “she had not seen one minute for several years, wherein she desired to live one minute longer, for the sake of any other good in life, but doing good, living to God, and doing what might be for his glory.”His distemper now apparently preyed on his vitals: not by a sudden breaking ofulcersin his lungs, as at Boston, but by a constant discharge of♦purulent matter, in great quantities; so that what he brought up by expectoration, seemed to be as it were mouthfuls of almost clearpus; whichwas attended with very great inward pain and distress.♦“petulent” replaced with “purulent” per ErrataOn Thursday, October 6, he lay for a considerable time, as if he was dying. At which time, he was heard to utter in broken whispers, such expressions as these; “He will come, he will not tarry.—I shall soon be in glory.—I shall soon glorify God with the angels.”—But after some time he revived.The next day,viz.Wednesday, October 7, his brother John arrived from New-Jersey, where he had been detained much longer than he intended, by a mortal sickness prevailing among the Christian Indians.Mr.Brainerd was refreshed with seeing him, and appeared fully satisfied with the reasons of his delay; seeing the interest of religion and of the souls of his people required it.The next day, Thursday, October 8. He told me it was impossible for anyone to conceive the distress he felt in his breast. He manifested much concern lest he should dishonour God by impatience. He desired that others would be much in lifting up their hearts to God for him. He signified, that he expected to die that night; but seemed to fear a longer delay: and the disposition of his mind with regard to death appeared still the same that it had been all along. And notwithstanding his bodily agonies, yet the interest of Zion lay still with great weight on his mind; as appeared by some considerable discoursehe had that evening with theRev.Mr.Billing, one of the neighbouring Ministers, concerning the great importance of the work of the ministry. And afterwards, when it was very late in the night, he had much discourse with his brother John, concerning his congregation in New-Jersey, and the interest of religion among the Indians. In the latter part of the night, his bodily distresses seemed to rise to a greater height than ever; and he said to those then about him, that “it was another thing to die than what people imagined;” explaining himself to mean, that they were not aware whatbodilypain and anguish is undergone before death. Towards day, his eyes fixed; and he continued lying immoveable, till about six o’clock in the morning, and then expired, on Friday, October 9, 1747, when his soul was received by his dear Lord and Master, as an eminently faithful servant, into a state of perfection of holiness, and fruition of God, which he had so often and so ardently longed for.Much respect was shewn to his memory at hisfuneral; which was on the Monday following, after a sermon preached the same day, on that solemn occasion. His funeral was attended by eight of the neighbouring ministers, seventeen other gentlemen of liberal education, and a great concourse of people.]The End of theTwelfthVolume.

After his return from his last journey to Susquahannah, until hisdeath.

[HITHERTOMr.Brainerd had kept a constantdiary, giving an account of what passed from day to day: but henceforward his diary is much interrupted by his illness; under which he was often brought so low, as not to be able to♦recollect in the evening, what had passed in the day, and set down an orderly account of it in writing. However he took some notice of the most material things concerning himself, ’till within a few days of his death.]

♦“recolect” replaced with “recollect”

♦“recolect” replaced with “recollect”

♦“recolect” replaced with “recollect”

*Lord’s-day, September 21, 1746. I was so weak I could not preach, nor ride over to my people in the forenoon. In the afternoon I rode out; sat in my chair, and discoursed to my people from Romansxiv.7, 8. I was♦strengthened in my discourse; and there appeared something agreeable in the assembly. I returned to my lodgings extremely tired; but thankful, that I had been enabled to speak a word to my poor people. I was able to sleep little, through weariness and pain. Oh, how blessed should I be, if the little I do, were all done with right views!

♦“strenghened” replaced with “strengthened”

♦“strenghened” replaced with “strengthened”

♦“strenghened” replaced with “strengthened”

Saturday, September 27. I spent this as the week past, under a great degree of bodily weakness,exercised with a violent cough, and a considerable fever; had no appetite to any kind of food; and frequently brought up what I ate, as soon as it was down: I was able, however, to ride over to my people, about two miles, every day, and take some care of those who were then at work upon a small house for me to reside in amongst the Indians¹. I was sometimes scarce able to walk, and never able to sit up the whole day. Yet I was calm and composed, and but little exercised with melancholy, as in former seasons. It was many times a comfort to me, thatlifeanddeathdid not depend upon my choice. I was pleased to think, that he who is infinitely wise, had the determination of this matter; and that I had no trouble, to consider and weigh things upon all sides, in order to make the choice, whether I would live or die. I could with great composure lookdeathin the face, and frequently with sensible joy. Oh, how blessed it is, to behabitually preparedfor death! The Lord grant, that I may beactually ready also!

¹This was thefourthhouse he built for his residence among the Indians.

¹This was thefourthhouse he built for his residence among the Indians.

¹This was thefourthhouse he built for his residence among the Indians.

Lord’s day, September 28. I rode to my people; and, though under much weakness, discoursed about half an hour; at which season divine power seemed to attend the word; but being extreme weak, I was obliged to desist; and after a turn of faintness, with much difficulty rodeto my lodgings, where betaking myself to my bed, I lay in a burning fever, and almost delirious, for several hours, till towards morning, my fever went off with a violent sweat. I have often been feverish after preaching: but this was the most distressing turn, that ever preaching brought upon me. Yet I felt perfectly at rest in my own mind, because I had made my utmost attempts to speak for God.

Tuesday, September 30. Yesterday and to-day I was scarce able to sit up half the day. But♦I was in a composed frame remarkably free from dejection and melancholy; as God has been pleased to deliver me from these unhappy glooms, in the general course of my present weakness, and also from a peevish spirit. Oh that I may always be able to say, “Lord, not my will, but thine be done!”

♦“I” replaced with “I was” and 2nd “was” deleted per Errata

♦“I” replaced with “I was” and 2nd “was” deleted per Errata

♦“I” replaced with “I was” and 2nd “was” deleted per Errata

Saturday, October 4. I spent the former part of this week under a great degree of disorder, as I had done several weeks before: was able, however, to ride a little every day, although unable to sit up half the day, and took some care daily of persons at work upon my house. On Friday afternoon I found myself wonderfully revived and strengthened; and having some time before given notice to my people, and those at the Forks of Delaware in particular, that I designed, to administer the sacrament of the Lord’s supper upon the first sabbath in October: on Friday afternoon I preached preparatory to the sacrament,from 2 Corinthiansxiii.5. I was surprisingly strengthened in my work, while I was speaking: but was obliged immediately after to repair to bed, being now removed into my own house among the Indians; which gave me such speedy relief, as I could not well have lived without. I spent some time on Friday night in conversing with my people as I lay upon my bed; and found my soul refreshed. This being Saturday, I discoursed particularly with divers of the communicants; and this afternoon preached from Zechariahxii.10. There seemed to be a tender melting, and hearty mourning for sin in the congregation. My soul was in a comfortable frame, and I was myself, as well as most of the congregation, much affected with the humble confession, and apparent broken-heartedness of abackslider; and could not but rejoice, that God had given him such a sense of his sin and unworthiness. I was extremely tired in the evening; but lay on my bed, and discoursed to my people.

*Lord’s-day, October 5. I was still very weak; and in the morning afraid I should not be able to go through the work of the day. I discoursed before the administration of the sacrament from Johni.29. “Behold the Lamb of God, that taketh away the sin of the world.”—The divine presence attended this discourse; and the assembly was considerably melted. After sermon I baptized two persons, and then administered the Lord’s supper to near forty communicantsof the Indians, besides divers dear Christians of the white people. It was a season of divine power and grace; and numbers rejoiced in God. Oh, the sweet union and harmony then appearing among the religious people! My soul was refreshed, and my friends, of the white people, with me. After the sacrament I could scarcely get home; but was supported by my friends, and laid on my bed; where I lay in pain till the evening; and then was able to sit up and discourse with my friends. Oh, how was this day spent in prayers and praises among my dear people! One might hear them all the morning before public worship, and in the evening till near midnight, praying and singing praises to God, in one or other of their houses.

*Saturday, October 11. Towards night I was seized with an ague, which was followed with a hard fever, and much pain: I was treated with great kindness and was ashamed to see so much concern about so unworthy a creature. I was in a comfortable frame of mind, wholly submissive with regard to life or death. It was indeed a peculiar satisfaction to me, to think that it was not my business to determine whether I should live or die. I likewise felt peculiarly satisfied, while under this uncommon degree of disorder; being now fully convinced of my being unable to perform my work. Oh how precious is time! And how guilty it makes me feel, when I think I have trifled away and misemployedit, or neglected to fill up each part of it with duty, to the utmost of my ability!

October 19. I was willing either to die or live; but found it hard to think of living useless. Oh that I might never live to be a burden to God’s creation; but that I might be allowed to repair home, when my sojourning work is done!

Friday, October 24. I spent the day in overseeing and directing my people about mending their fence, and securing their wheat. I was somewhat refreshed in the evening, having been able to do something valuable in the day time. Oh, how it pains me, to see time pass away, when I can do nothing to any purpose!

Saturday, October 25. I visited some of my people: spent some time in writing, and felt much better in body than usual: when it was near night I felt so well, that I had thoughts of expounding: but in the evening was much disordered again, and spent the night in coughing, and spitting of blood.

Lord’s-day, October 26. In the morning I was exceeding weak, and spent the day till near night, in pain to see my poor people wandering assheep not having a shepherd. But towards night finding myself a little better, I called them together to my house and sat down, and read and expounded Matthewv.1–16. This discourse, though delivered in much weakness, was attended with power; especially what was spoken upon the last of these verses, where I insisted on theinfinite wrong done to religion, by having ourlightbecomedarkness, instead ofshining before men. As many were deeply affected with a sense of their deficiency, in regard of spiritual conversation, and a spirit of concern and watchfulness seemed to be excited in them; so there was one that had fallen into drunkenness, sometime before, who was now deeply convinced of his sin, and discovered a great degree of concern on that account. My soul was refreshed to see this. And though I had no strength to speak so much as I would have done, but was obliged to lie down on the bed: yet I rejoiced to see such an humble melting in the congregation; and that divine truths, though faintly delivered, were attended with so much efficacy.

Monday, October 27. I spent the day in directing the Indians, about mending the fence round their wheat: and was able to walk with them, and contrive their business all the forenoon. In the afternoon I was visited by two dear friends, and spent some time in conversation with them. Towards night I was able to walk out, and take care of the Indians again.

October 28. I rode to Prince-Town, in a very weak state: had such a violent fever, by the way, that I was forced to alight at a friend’s house, and lie down for some time. Near night I was visited byMr.Treat,Mr.Beaty, and his wife, and another friend: my spirits were refreshed to see them: but I was surprized, and even ashamed,that they had taken so much pains as to ride thirty or forty miles to see me.

Saturday, November 1. I took leave of my friends and returned home.

Lord’s-day, November 2. I was unable to preach and scarcely able to sit up the whole day. I was almost sunk, to see my poor people destitute of the means of grace; and especially considering they could not read, and so were under great disadvantages for spending the sabbath comfortably. Oh, methought, I could be contented to be sick, if my poor flock had a faithful pastor to feed them. A view of their want of this was more afflictive to me, than all my bodily illness.

Monday, November 3. Being now in so low a state, that I was utterly uncapable of performing my work, and having little hope of recovery, unless by much riding, I thought it my duty to take a journey into New-England, I accordingly took leave of my congregation this day.—Before I left my people, I visited them all in their respective houses, and discoursed to each, as I thought most suitable for their circumstances, and found great freedom in so doing: I scarce left one house but some were in tears, not only affected with my being about to leave them, but with the solemn addresses I made; for I was helped to be fervent in spirit. When I had thus gone through my congregation, (which took me most of the day) and had taken leave of them, and of the school, I rode about two miles, to the housewhere I lived in the summer past, and there lodged.

Tuesday, November 4. I rode to Woodbridge, and lodged withMr.Pierson.

Wednesday, November 5. I rode to Elisabeth-Town, intending as soon as possible to prosecute my journey. But I was in an hour or two taken much worse.—For near a week I was confined to my chamber, and most of the time to my bed; and then so far revived as to be able to walk about the house; but was still confined within doors.

I was enabled to maintain a calm, composed, and patient spirit, as I had from the beginning of my weakness. After I had been in Elisabeth-Town about a fortnight, and had so far recovered that I was able to walk about the house, upon a day of thanksgiving kept in this place, I was enabled to recount the mercies of God, in such a manner as greatly affected me, and filled me with thankfulness to God; especially for his work of grace among the Indians, and the enlargement of his kingdom. “Lord, glorify thyself,” was the cry of my soul. Oh that all people might love and praise the blessed God!

After this comfortable season, I frequently enjoyed enlargement of soul in prayer for my dear congregation, very often for every family, and every person in particular; and it was a great comfort to me, that I could pray heartily to God for those whom I was not allowed to see.

In the latter end of December, I grew still weaker, and continued to do so, till the latter end of January 1746–7. And having a violent cough, a considerable fever, and no appetite for any manner of food, I was reduced to so low a state, that my friends generally despaired of my life; and for some time together, thought I could scarce live a day to an end.

On Lord’s-day, February 1. “If ye, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the holy Spirit to them that ask him?” This text I was helped to plead, and saw the divine faithfulness engaged for dealing with me better than any earthly parent can do with his child. This season so refreshed my soul, that my body seemed also to be a gainer by it. And from this time, I began gradually to amend. And as I recovered some strength, vigour, and spirit, I found at times some life in the exercises of devotion, and longings after spirituality and a life of usefulness.

On Tuesday, February 24. I was able to ride as far as Newark, (having been confined within Elisabeth-Town almost four months,) and the next day returned to Elisabeth-Town. My spirits were somewhat refreshed with the ride, though my body was weary.

On Saturday, February 28. I was visited by an Indian of my own congregation, who brought me letters, and good news of the behaviour ofmy people in general. This refreshed my soul, I could not but retire and bless God for his goodness.

Wednesday, March 11, being kept in Elisabeth-Town♦as a day of fasting and prayer, I was able to attend public worship, which was the first time since December 21. Oh, how much distress did God carry me through in this space of time! But having obtained help from him, I yet live: Oh that I could live to his glory!

♦“at” replaced with “as”

♦“at” replaced with “as”

♦“at” replaced with “as”

Thursday, March 18. I rode to my people: and on Friday morning walked about among them and inquired into their state and concerns; and found an additional weight on my spirits upon hearing some things disagreeable. I endeavoured to go to God with my distresses: but notwithstanding, my mind continued very gloomy. About ten o’clock, I called my people together, and after having explained and sung a psalm, I prayed with them. There was a considerable deal of affection among them; I doubt not, that which was more than merely natural.

[This was thelast interviewthat he ever had with his people. About eleven o’clock the same day, he left them: and the next day came to Elisabeth-Town.]

Saturday, March 28. I was taken this morning with a violent griping. These pains were extreme and constant, for several hours: so that it seemed impossible for me, without a miracle, to live twenty-four hours. I lay confined to mybed, the whole day: but it pleased God to bless means for the abatement of my distress. I was exceedingly weakened by this pain, and continued so for several days following. In this distressed case,deathappeared agreeable to me: as an entrance into a place “where the weary are at rest;” and, I had some relish of the entertainments of the heavenly state; so that by these I was allured and drawn, as well as driven by the fatigues of life. Oh, how happy it is, to be drawn by desires of a state of perfect holiness!

Saturday, April 4. I was uneasy, by reason of the misemployment of time: and yet knew not what to do: I longed to spend time in fasting and prayer; but alas, I had not bodily strength! Oh, how blessed a thing is it, to enjoy peace of conscience! How dreadful is a want of inward peace! It is impossible, I find, to enjoy this happiness withoutredeeming time, and maintaining a spiritual frame of mind.

Lord’s-day, April 5. It grieved me, to find myself so inconceivably barren. My soul thirsted for grace; but, alas, how far was I from obtaining what I saw so excellent! I was ready to despair of ever being holy; and yet my soul was desirous offollowing hard after God; but never did I see myself so far fromhaving apprehended, or being already perfect. The Lord’s supper being this day administered, in the season of communion, I enjoyed warmth of affection, and felt a tenderlove to the brethren; and, to the gloriousRedeemer, thefirst-bornamong them. I endeavoured then tobring forthmine andhis enemies, andslay them before him; and found great freedom in begging deliverance from this spiritual death, as well as in asking favours for my friends and congregation, and the church of Christ in general.

Friday, April 17. In the evening, God helped me to “draw near to the throne of grace,” and gave me a sense of his favour, which gave me inexpressible support and encouragement; I could not but rejoice, that ever God should discover his reconciled face to such a vile sinner. Shame and confusion, at times, covered me; and then hope, and joy, and admiration of the divine goodness.

Tuesday, April 21. I set out on my journey for New-England; I travelled to New-York, and there lodged.

[This proved his final departure from New-Jersey.—He travelled slowly, and arrived among his friends at East-Haddam, about the beginning of May.]

Lord’s-day, May 10. (At Had-Lime) I could not but feel gratitude to God, that he had always disposed me, in my ministry, to insist on the great doctrines ofregeneration, a new creature, faith in Christ, progressive sanctification, supreme love to God, living entirely to the glory of God, being not our own, and the like. God has helped me to see, from time to time, that these, and thelike doctrines, necessarily connected with them, are the only foundation of safety and salvation for perishing sinners; and that those divine dispositions, which are consonant hereto, are thatholiness, “without which no man shall see the Lord:” the exercise of these God-like tempers, wherein the soul acts in a kind of concert with God, and would be and do every thing that is pleasing to God; this, I saw, would stand by the soul in a dying hour; for God mustdeny himself, if he cast awayhis own image, even the soul that is one in desires with himself.

Lord’s-day, May 17. Though I felt much dulness this week; yet I had some glimpses of the excellency of divine things; and especially one morning, the beauty of holiness, as a likeness to the glorious God, was so discovered to me, that I longed earnestly to be in that world where holiness dwells in perfection, that I might please God, live entirely to him, and glorify him to the utmost stretch of my capacities.

*Lord’s-day. May 24. (At Long-Meadow in Springfield) I could not but think, as I have often remarked to others, that much more oftrue religionconsists indeep humility, brokenness of heart, and an abasing sense of want of holiness, than most who are calledChristiansimagine.

[On Thursday, May 28. He came from Long-Meadow to Northampton, appearing vastly better than he had been in the winter; indeed so well, that he was able to ride twenty-fivemiles in a day, and to walk half a mile; but yet he was undoubtedly, at that time, in a confirmed, incurable consumption.

*I had much opportunity before this, of particular information concerning him, but now I had opportunity for a more full acquaintance with him. I found him remarkably sociable, pleasant, and entertaining in his conversation; yet solid, savoury, spiritual, and very profitable; appearing meek, modest, and humble, far from any stiffness, moroseness, superstitious demureness, or affected singularity in speech or behaviour. We enjoyed not only the benefit of his conversation, but had the comfort of hearing him pray in the family, from time to time. His manner of praying was becoming a worm of the dust, and a disciple of Christ addressing an infinitely great and holy God, and Father of mercies; not with florid expressions, or a studied eloquence; not with any intemperate vehemence, or indecent boldness; at the greatest distance from any appearance of ostentation, and from every thing that might look as though he meant to recommend himself to those that were about him, or set himself off to their acceptance, free from vain repetitions, without impertinent excursions, or needless multiplying of words. He expressed himself with the strictest propriety, with weight and pungency; and yet what his lips uttered seemed to flow from thefulness of his heart, deeply impressed with a great and solemnsense of our necessities, unworthiness, and dependence, of God’s infinite greatness, excellency, and sufficiency, rather than merely from a warm and fruitful brain. And I know not, that ever I heard him so much as ask a blessing or return thanks at table, but there was something remarkable to be observed both in the matter and manner of the performance. In his prayers he insisted much on the prosperity of Zion, the advancement of Christ’s kingdom in the world, and the flourishing and propagation of religion among the Indians. And he generally made it one petition in his prayer, “that we might not outlive our usefulness.”]

[This week he consultedDr.Mather, at my house, concerning his illness; who plainly told him there were great evidences of his being in a confirmedconsumption, and that he could give him no encouragement, that he should ever recover. But it seemed not to occasion the least discomposure in him, nor to make any alteration as to the freedom or pleasantness of his conversation.]

*Lord’s-day, June 7. My soul was so drawn forth, this day, by what I heard of the “exceeding preciousness of the grace of God’s Spirit,” that it almost overcame my body: I saw that true grace is exceeding precious indeed; that it is very rare; and that there is but a very small degree of it, even where the reality of it is to be found.

In the preceeding week, I enjoyed some comfortable seasons of meditation. One morning the cause of God appeared exceeding precious to me: I saw also, that God has an infinitely greater concern for it, than I could possibly have; that if I have any true love to this blessed interest, it is only a drop derived from that ocean. Hence I was ready to “lift up my head with joy;” and conclude, “Well, if God’s cause be so dear and precious to him, he will promote it.”

[He was advised by physicians still to continue riding as what would tend to prolong his life. He was at a loss for some time which way to bend his course; but finally determined to ride to Boston; we having concluded that one of this family should go with him and be helpful to him in his low state.]

Tuesday, June 9. I set out on a journey from Northampton to Boston.

Having now continued to ride for some considerable time, I felt myself much better, and I found that in proportion to the prospect I had of being restored to a state of usefulness, I desired the continuance of life: but death appeared inconceivably more desirable to me, than a useless life; yet blessed be God, I found my heart fully resigned to this greatest of afflictions, if God saw fit thus to deal with me.

Friday,♦June 12. I arrived in Boston this day, somewhat fatigued with my journey. There isno rest but in God; fatigues of body, and anxieties of mind, attend us, both in town and country.

♦“July” replaced with “June”

♦“July” replaced with “June”

♦“July” replaced with “June”

On Thursday, June 18. I was taken exceeding ill, and brought to the gates of death, by the breaking of some small ulcers in my lungs, as my physician supposed. In this weak state I continued several weeks, and was frequently so low, as to be utterly speechless; and even after I had so far revived as to step out of doors, I was exercised every day with a faint turn, which continued usually four or five hours; at which times, though I could sayYesorNo, yet I could not speak one sentence, without making stops for breath; and divers times in this season, my friends gathered round my bed to see me breathe my last.

How I was, the first day or two of my illness, with regard to the exercise of reason, I scarcely know; but the third day, and constantly afterwards, for four or five weeks together, I enjoyed as much serenity of mind, and clearness of thought, as perhaps I ever did in my life. And I think my mind never penetrated with so much ease and freedom into divine things, and I never felt so capable of demonstrating the truth of many important doctrines of the gospel as now.

As God was pleased to afford me clearness of thought almost continually, for several weeks together; so he enabled me in some measure, to employ my time to valuable purposes. I was enabled to write a number of importantletters, to friends in remote places; and sometimes I wroteI was speechless,i. e.unable to maintain conversation with any body.—*Besides this I had many visitants; with whom when I was able to speak, I always conversed of the things of religion: and was peculiarly assisted in distinguishing betweentrueandfalsereligion. And especially I discoursed repeatedly on the nature and necessity of thathumiliation,self-emptiness, or full conviction of a person’s being utterly undone in himself, which is necessary in order to a saving faith, and the extreme difficulty of being brought to this, and the great danger there is of persons taking up with someself-righteous appearancesof it. Thedangerof this I especially dwelt upon, being persuaded that multitudes perish in this hidden way; because so little is said from most pulpits to discover any danger here: so that persons being never effectually brought to die to themselves, are never truly united to Christ. I also discoursed much on what I take to be the essence of true religion, that God-like temper and disposition of soul, and that holy conversation and behaviour, that may justly claim the honour of having God for its original pattern. And I have reason to hope God blessed my discoursing to some, both ministers and people; so that my time was not wholly lost.

[Also the honourable Commissioners in Boston, of the incorporated society in London for♦propagating the gospel in New-England, and parts adjacent, having a legacy of the lateDr.Daniel Williams of London, for the support oftwomissionariesto the Heathen, were pleased, while he was at Boston, to consult him about a mission to those Indians called theSix Nations; and were so satisfied with his sentiments on this head, and had that confidence in his faithfulness, and judgment, that they desired him to recommend a couple of persons fit to be employed in this business.

♦“propogating” replaced with “propagating”

♦“propogating” replaced with “propagating”

♦“propogating” replaced with “propagating”

Mr.Brainerd’s restoration from his extreme low state in Boston, so as to go abroad again and to travel, was very unexpected to him and his friends. My daughter who was with him writes thus concerning him in a letter dated June 23.—“On Thursday he was very ill of a violent fever, and extreme pain in his head and breast, and at turns, delirious. So he remained till Saturday evening, when he seemed to be in the agonies of death: the family was up with him ’till one or two o’clock, expecting every hour would be his last. On sabbath day he was a little revived, his head was better, but very full of pain, and exceeding sore at his breast, much put to it for breath. Yesterday he was better upon all accounts. Last night he slept but little. This morning he is much worse.——Dr.Pynchon says, he has no hopes of his life; nor does he think it likely he will ever come out of his chamber.”

His physician, the honourable Joseph Pynchon,Esq.when he visited him in Boston, attributed his sinking so suddenly into a state so nigh unto death, to the breaking of ulcers, thathad been long gathering in his lungs, and there discharging and diffusing their purulent matter; which, while nature was labouring and struggling to throw off, (that could be done no otherwise, than by a gradual straining of it through the small vessels of those vital parts,) this occasioned an high fever and violent coughing, and threw the whole frame of nature into the utmost disorder; but supposed if the state of nature held till the lungs had gradually cleared themselves of this putrid matter, he might revive, and continue better, till new ulcers gathered and broke; but then he would surely sink again; and that there was no hope of his recovery; but (as he expressed himself to one of my neighbours) he was as certainly a dead man, as if he was shot through the heart.

But so it was ordered by divine Providence, that the strength of nature held out through this great conflict, and then he revived, to the astonishment of all that knew his case.

After he began to revive, he was visited by his youngest brotherMr.Israel Brainerd, a student at Yale-college; who having heard of his extreme illness, came to Boston to see him.

This visit was attended with a mixture of joy and sorrow toMr.Brainerd. He greatly rejoiced to see his brother, especially because he had desired an opportunity of some religious conversation with him before he died. But this meeting was attended with sorrow, as his brother broughtto him the tidings of his sister Spencer’s death at Haddam: a sister, between whom and him had long subsisted a peculiar dear affection, and much intimacy in spiritual matters. He had heard nothing of her sickness. But he had these comforts together with the tidings, a confidence of her being gone to heaven, and an expectation of soon meeting her there.—His brother continued with him till he left the town, and came with him from thence to Northampton.

[Concerning the last SabbathMr.Brainerd spent at Boston, he writes in hisdiaryas follows.]

Lord’s-day, July 19. I was just able to attend public worship, being carried to the house of God in a chaise. I heardDr.Sewall preach in the forenoon; partook of the Lord’s supper at this time. In the sacrament, I saw astonishingwisdomdisplayed; such wisdom as required the tongues of angels and glorified saints to celebrate. It seemed to me I never should do any thing at adoring the infinitewisdomof God discovered in the contrivance of man’s redemption, until I arrived at a world of perfection. Yet I could not help striving to “call upon my soul, and all within me, to bless the name of God.”

[The next day he set out in the cool of the afternoon, for Northampton, attended by his brother, and my daughter that went with him to Boston; and would have been accompanied out of the town by a number of gentlemen, had nothis aversion to any thing of pomp and shew prevented it.]

Saturday, July 25. I arrived at Northampton, having set out from Boston on Monday. In this journey, I rode about sixteen miles a day, one day with another. I was sometimes extremely tired, so that it seemed impossible for me to proceed any further: at other times I was considerably better, and felt some freedom both of body and mind.

Lord’s-day, July 26. This day, I saw clearly, that God himself could not make me happy unless I could be in a capacity to “please and glorify him for ever.” Take awaythis, and admit me into all the fineheavensthat can be conceived by men or angels, and I should still bemiserablefor ever.

Though he had revived, so as to be able to travel thus far, yet he manifested no expectation of recovery: he supposed as his physician did, that his being brought so near to death at Boston, was owing to the breaking of ulcers in his lungs. He told me that he had had several such ill turns before, only not to so high a degree, but as he supposed owing to the same cause; and that he was brought lower and lower every time; and it appeared to him, that in his last sickness (in Boston) he was brought as low as possible, and yet alive; and that he had not the least expectation of surviving the next return of thisbreaking of ulcers; but still appeared perfectly calm.

On Wednesday morning, the week after he came to Northampton, he took leave of his brother Israel, never expecting to see him again in this world.

WhenMr.Brainerd came hither, he had so much strength as to be able, from day to day, to ride out two or three miles, and to return; and sometimes to pray in the family; but from this time he sensibly decayed, and became weaker and weaker.

*While he was here, his conversation from first to last was much on the same subjects as it had been in Boston. He was much in speaking of the nature oftrue religion, as distinguished from its variouscounterfeits; expressing his great concern, that the latter did so much prevail in so many places. He often manifested his great abhorrence of all suchdoctrinesandprinciples, as in any wise savoured of, and had any (though but a remote) tendency to Antinomianism; of all such notions as seemed to diminish the necessity of holiness of life, or to abate men’s regard to the commands of God, and a strict, diligent, and universal practice of virtue, under a pretence of depreciating our works, and magnifying God’s free grace. He spake often with much detestation, of such discoveries and joys as have nothing of the nature ofsanctificationin them, and do not tend to strictness, tenderness, and diligence in religion,and meekness and benevolence toward mankind: and he also declared, that he looked on such pretendedhumilityas worthy of no regard, that was not manifested bymodestyofconductandconversation.

*After he came hither, as long as he lived, he was much in speaking of the future prosperity of Zion that is so often promised in scripture: and his mind seemed to be carried forth with intense desires, that religion might speedily revive and flourish; yea, the nearer death advanced, still the more did his mind seem to be taken up with this subject. He told me, when near his end, that “he never in all his life had his mind so led forth in desires and earnest prayers for the flourishing ofChrist’s kingdomon earth, as since he was brought so exceeding low at Boston.” He seemed much to wonder, that there appeared no more of a disposition in ministers and people to pray for the flourishing of religion through the world; that so little a part of their prayers was generally taken up about it, in their families, and elsewhere; and particularly, he several times expressed his wonder, that there appeared no more forwardness to comply with theproposallately made in a memorial from a number of ministers in Scotland, and sent over into America, forunited extraordinary prayer, among Christ’s ministers and people, for thecoming of Christ’s kingdom: and he sent as his dying advice tohis owncongregation, that they should practise agreeably to that proposal.¹

¹His congregation, since this, have with great chearfulness and unanimity fallen in with this advice, and have practised agreeably to the proposal from Scotland; and have at times appeared with uncommon engagedness and fervency of spirit in their united devotions, pursuant to that proposal. Also the presbyteries of New-York, and New-Brunswick, since this, have with one consent, fallen in with the proposal, as likewise some others of God’s people in those parts.

¹His congregation, since this, have with great chearfulness and unanimity fallen in with this advice, and have practised agreeably to the proposal from Scotland; and have at times appeared with uncommon engagedness and fervency of spirit in their united devotions, pursuant to that proposal. Also the presbyteries of New-York, and New-Brunswick, since this, have with one consent, fallen in with the proposal, as likewise some others of God’s people in those parts.

¹His congregation, since this, have with great chearfulness and unanimity fallen in with this advice, and have practised agreeably to the proposal from Scotland; and have at times appeared with uncommon engagedness and fervency of spirit in their united devotions, pursuant to that proposal. Also the presbyteries of New-York, and New-Brunswick, since this, have with one consent, fallen in with the proposal, as likewise some others of God’s people in those parts.

*Though he was exceeding weak, yet there appeared in him a continual care well to employ time, and fill it up with something that might be profitable; either profitable conversation, or writing letters to absent friends, or noting something in his diary, or looking over his former writings, correcting them, and preparing them to be left in the hands of others at his death, or giving some directions concerning a future management of his people, or employment in secret devotions. He seemed never to be easy, however ill, if he was not doing something for God, or in his service.

In his diary for Lord’s-day, August 16, he speaks of his having so much refreshment of soul in the house of God, that it seemed also to refresh his body. And this is not only noted in his diary, but was very observable to others: it was very apparent, not only, that his mind was exhilarated with inward consolation, but also that his animal spirits and bodily strength were remarkablyrestored.——But this was the last time that ever he attended public worship on the sabbath.

On Tuesday morning that week (I being absent on a journey) he prayed with my family: but not without much difficulty; and this was the last family prayer that ever he made.

He had been wont, till now, frequently to ride out, two or three miles; but this week, on Thursday, was the last time he ever did so.]

Lord’s-day, August 23. This morning I was considerably refreshed with the thought, yea, the expectation of theenlargement of Christ’s kingdom; and I could not but hope, the time was at hand, when Babylon the Great would fall, and rise no more. I was unable to attend public worship: but God was pleased to afford me satisfaction in divine thoughts. Nothing so refreshes my soul, as when I can go to God, yea, to God my exceeding joy.

*In this week past, I had divers turns of inward refreshing, though my body was inexpressibly weak. Sometimes my soul centered in God, as my only portion; and I felt that I should be for ever unhappy, if he did not reign: I saw the sweetness and happiness of being his subject, at his disposal. This made all my difficulties quickly vanish.

[Till this week he had been wont to lodge in a room above stairs; but he now grew so weak, that he was no longer able to go up stairs and down. Friday, August 28, was the last time heever went above stairs, henceforward he betook himself to a lower room.

On Wednesday, September 2. Being the day of our public lecture, he seemed to be refreshed with seeing the neighbouring ministers, and expressed a great desire once more to go to the house of God: and accordingly rode to the meeting, and attended divine service, while theRev.Mr.Woodbridge of Hatfield preached. He signified that he supposed it to be the last time that ever he should attend the public worship, as it proved. And indeed it was the last time that ever he went out at our gate alive.

On the Saturday evening next following, he was unexpectedly visited by his brotherMr.John Brainerd. He was much refreshed by this unexpected visit, this brother being peculiarly dear to him: and he seemed to rejoice in a devout manner, to see him, and to hear the comfortable tidings he brought concerning the state of his dear Indians: and a circumstance of this visit, that he was exceeding glad of, was, that his brother brought him some of his private writings from New-Jersey, and particularly his diary that he had kept for many years past.]

Lord’s-day, September 6. I began to read some of my private writings, which my brother brought me; and was considerably refreshed with what I met with in them.

Monday, September 7. I proceeded further in reading my old private writings, and foundthey had the same effect upon me as before: I could not but rejoice and bless God for what passed long ago, which without writing had been entirely lost.

*This evening when I was in great distress of body, my soul longed that God should be glorified: I saw there was no heaven but this. I could not but speak to the by-standers then of the only happiness,viz.pleasing God. Oh that I could ever live to God! The day, I trust, is at hand, the perfect day: Oh, the day of deliverance from all sin!

Lord’s-day, September 13. I was much refreshed and engaged in meditation and writing, and found a heart to act for God. My spirits were refreshed, and my soul delighted to do something for God.

[On the evening following that Lord’s-day, his feet began to swell, which thenceforward swelled more and more. A symptom of his dissolution coming on.

The next day his brother left him, being obliged to return to New-Jersey on some business of great importance, intending to return again with all possible speed, hoping to see his brother yet once more in the land of the living.

Mr.Brainerd having now with much deliberation considered the important affair before-mentioned, left with him by the honourable commissioners in Boston,viz.the recommending two persons proper to be employed as missionaries to thesix nations, he about this time wrote a letter, recommending two young gentlemen of his acquaintanceMr.Elihu Spencer of East-Haddam, andMr.Job Strong of Northampton. The commissioners on the receipt of this letter, unanimously agreed to accept of the persons he had recommended.

He also this week, wrote a letter to a gentleman in Boston, relating to the growth of the Indian school, and the need of another school-master. The gentlemen, on the receipt of this letter, had a meeting, and agreed with chearfulness to give 200l. (in bills of the old tenor) for the support of another school-master; and desired theRev.Mr.Pemberton of New-York, as soon as possible to procure a suitable person for that service: and also agreed to allow 75l. to defray some special charges that were requisite to encourage the mission to the six Nations.

Mr.Brainerd spent himself much in writing those letters, being exceeding weak: but it seemed to be much to his satisfaction, that he had been enabled to do it; hoping that it was something done for God, and which might be for the advancement of Christ’s kingdom and glory. In writing the last of these letters, he was obliged to use the hand of another, not being able to write himself.

On the Thursday of this week (September 17.) was the last time that ever he went out of his lodging-room. That day, he was again visitedby his brother Israel, who continued with him thenceforward till his death. *On that evening he was taken with something of adiarrhea; which he looked upon as another sign of his approachingdeath: whereupon he expressed himself thus; “Oh, the glorious time is now coming! I have longed to serve God perfectly: now God will gratify those desires!” And from time to time, at the several new symptoms of his dissolution, he was so far from being damped, that he seemed to be animated; as being glad at the appearances of death’s approach. He often used the epithet,glorious, when speaking of the day of hisdeath, calling itthat glorious day. And as he saw his dissolution gradually approaching, he was much in talking about it, and also settling all his affairs, very particularly and minutely giving directions concerning what he would have done. And the nearer death approached, the more desirous he seemed to be of it. He several times spake of the different kinds ofwillingness to die; and spoke of it as a mean kind of willingness to die, to be willing to leave the body only to get rid of pain.]

*Saturday, September 19. While I attempted to walk a little, my thoughts turned thus; “How infinitely sweet it is, to love God, and be all for him!” Upon which it was suggested to me, “You are not an angel, lively and active.” To which my soul immediately replied, I as sincerely desire to love and glorify God, as any angel inheaven.” Upon which it was suggested again, “But you are filthy, and not fit for heaven.” Hereupon instantly appeared the blessed robes of Christ’srighteousness, which I could not but exult and triumph in; and I viewed the infinite excellency of God, and my soul even broke out with longings, that God should beglorified. I thought of dignity in heaven: but instantly the thought returned, “I do not go to heaven to get honour, but to give all♦possible glory and praise.” Oh, how I longed that God should be glorified onearthalso!Bodily painsI cared not for: though I was then in extremity, I never felt easier; I felt willing toglorify Godin that state, as long as he pleased. Thegraveappeared really sweet, and I longed to lodge my weary bones in it: but Oh, that God might beglorified! this was the burden of all my cry. Oh, I knew, I should beactiveas an angel, in heaven; and that I should be stripped of myfilthy garments!——But Oh, toloveandpraiseGod more, topleasehim for ever! this my soul panted after, and even now pants for while I write. Oh thatGodmight beglorifiedin the whole earth! “Lord, let thy kingdom come.” I longed for a spirit ofpreachingto descend and rest onministers, that they might address the consciences of men with closeness and power. I saw God, had the residue of the spirit; and my soul longed it should be “poured from on high.” I could not butplead with God for my dear congregation, that he would preserve it, and not sufferhis great nameto lose its glory in that work; my soul still longing, that God might beglorified.

♦“possibly” replaced with “possible” per Errata

♦“possibly” replaced with “possible” per Errata

♦“possibly” replaced with “possible” per Errata

*[In the evening, his mouth spake out of the abundance of his heart, expressing in a very affecting manner much the same things as are written in hisdiary: and among many other extraordinary expressions, were these; “My heavenis topleaseGod, andglorifyhim, and to give all to him, and to be wholly devoted to his glory; that is the heaven I long for; this is myreligion, and that is my happiness, and always was, ever since I had any true religion; and all those that are ofthatreligion shall meetmein heaven—I do not go to heaven to be advanced, but to give honour to God. It is no matter where I shall be stationed in heaven, whether I have a high or a low seat there; but to love, and please, and glorify God is all: had I athousand souls, if they were worth any thing, I would give them all to God; but I have nothing to give, when all is done.——It is impossible for any rational creature to behappywithout acting allfor God; God himself could not make him happy any other way.——I long to be in heaven,praisingandglorifyingGod with the holy angels: all my desire is to glorify God.——My heart goes out to theburying-place; it seems to me adesirableplace; but Oh toglorifyGod! that is it; that is above all.——It is a great comfort to me, to think that Ihave done a little for God in the world: Oh! it is but avery smallmatter; yet Ihavedone alittle, and I lament it, that I have done nomorefor him.——There is nothing in the world worth living for, butdoing goodandfinishing God’s work. I see nothing else in the world, that can yield any satisfaction, besidesliving to God, pleasing him, anddoing his whole will.——My greatest joy and comfort has been, to do something for promoting the interest of religion, and the souls of particular persons: and now, in my illness, while I am full of pain and distress from day to day, all the comfort I have, is in being able to do some littlechar(or small piece of work)for God; either by something that I say, or by writing, or some other way.”

He intermingled with these and other like expressions, many patheticcounselsto those that were about him; particularly to my children and servants. He applied himself to some of my younger children at this time; calling them to him, and speaking to them one by one; setting before them in a very plain manner, the nature of true piety, and its great importance; earnestly warning them not to rest in any thing short of that true and thorough change of heart, and a life devoted to God; counselling them not to be slack in the great business of religion, nor in the least to delay it; enforcing his counsels with this, that his words were the words of a dying man; said he, “I shall die here, and here shallI be buried, and here you will see my grave, and do you remember what I have said to you. I am going into eternity: the endlessness of it makes it sweet: but Oh, what shall I say to the eternity of thewicked! I cannot mention it, nor think of it; the thought is too dreadful. When you see my grave, then remember what I said to you when I was alive; then think with yourself how the man that lies in that grave, counselled and warned me to prepare for death.”

His body seemed to be marvelously strengthened, through the inward vigour of hismind; so that, although before he was so weak he could hardly utter a sentence, yet now he continued his most affecting discourse for more than an hour, with scarce any intermission; and said of it, when he had done, “it was the last sermon that ever he should preach.”

[It appears by what is noted in hisdiary, both of this day and the evening preceeding, that his mind was at this time much impressed with a sense of the importance of the work of the ministry, and the need of the grace of God, and his special assistance in this work; and it also appeared in what he expressed in conversation; particularly in his discourse to his brother Israel, who was then a member of Yale-college at New-Haven, and had been prosecuting his studies there, to the end that he might be fitted for the work of the ministry, and was now with him. He now,and from time to time, recommended to his brother a life of self-denial, of weanedness from the world, and devotedness to God, and an earnest endeavour to obtain much of the grace of God’s Spirit, and God’s gracious influences on his heart; representing the great need which ministers stand in of them, and the unspeakable benefit of them from his own experience. Among many other expressions he said, *“When ministers feel these gracious influences on their hearts, it wonderfully assists them to come at the consciences of men, and as it were to handle them with their hands; whereas, without them, whatever reason and oratory we make use of, we do but make use of stumps instead of hands.”]

Monday, September 21. I began to correct a little volume of my private writings: God, I believe, remarkably helped me in it: my strength was♦surprisingly lengthened out, my thoughts quick and lively, and my soul refreshed, hoping it might be a work for God. Oh, how good, how sweet it is to labour for God!

♦“suprisingly” replaced with “surprisingly”

♦“suprisingly” replaced with “surprisingly”

♦“suprisingly” replaced with “surprisingly”

Tuesday, September 22. I was again employed in reading and correcting, and had the same success, as the day before. I was exceeding weak; but it seemed to refresh my soul thus to spend my time.

Wednesday, September 23. I finished my corrections of the little piece forementioned, and felt uncommonly peaceful: it seemed as if I had now done all my work in this world, and stoodready for my call to a better. *As long as I see any thing to be done for God, life is worth having: but Oh, how vain and unworthy it is, to live for any lower end!

Friday, September 25. This day I was unspeakably weak, and little better than speechless all the day: however, I was able to write a little, and felt comfortably. Oh, it refreshed my soul, to think of former things, of desires to glorify God, of the pleasures of living to him! “Oh my dear God, I am speedily coming to thee, I hope! Hasten the day, O Lord, if it be thy blessed will: Oh come, Lord Jesus, come quickly. Amen.”¹

¹This was the last that ever he wrote in hisdiarywith his own hand: though it is continued a little farther, in a broken manner; written by his brother Israel, but indited by his mouth.

¹This was the last that ever he wrote in hisdiarywith his own hand: though it is continued a little farther, in a broken manner; written by his brother Israel, but indited by his mouth.

¹This was the last that ever he wrote in hisdiarywith his own hand: though it is continued a little farther, in a broken manner; written by his brother Israel, but indited by his mouth.

September 27. He felt an unusual appetite to food; with which his mind seemed to beexhilarated, as a sign of the very near approach ofdeath. He said upon it, “I was born on asabbath-day; and I have reason to think I was new-born on asabbath-day; and I hope I shall die on thissabbath-day; I shall look upon it as a favour, if it may be the will of God that it should be so: I long for the time. Oh,why is the chariot so long in coming? why tarry the wheels of his chariot?I am very willing to part with all: I am willing to part with my dear brother John, and never to see him again, to go to be for ever withthe Lord. Oh, when I go there, how will God’s dear church on earth be upon my mind!”

*Afterwards the same morning, being asked how he did? he answered, “I am almost in eternity: I long to be there. My work is done: I have done with all my friends; all the world is nothing to me. I long to be in heaven,praising and glorifying Godwith the holyangels: all my desire is to glorify God.”

During the whole of these last two weeks of his life, he seemed to continue loose from all the world, as having done his work, and done with all things here below, having nothing to do but to die, and abiding in an earnest desire and expectation of the happy moment, when his soul should take its flight, and go to a state of perfection, of holiness, and perfect glorying and enjoying God. He said, “That the consideration of the day of death, and the day of judgment, had a long time been peculiarly sweet to him.” He from time to time spake of his being willing to leave the body and the world immediately, if it was the will of God. He also was much in expressing his longing that the church of Christ on earth might flourish, and Christ’s kingdom here might be advanced, notwithstanding he was about to leave theearth, and should not with his eyes behold the desirable event. He said to me, one morning, “My thoughts have been employed on the old dear theme,the prosperityof God’s church onearth.As I waked out of sleep, I was led to cry for the pouring out of God’s Spirit, and the advancement of Christ’s kingdom, which the dear Redeemer did, and suffered so much for. It is that especially makes me long for it.”

He once told me, that “he had formerly longed for the out-pouring of the Spirit of God, and the glorious times of the church, and hoped they were coming: and should have been willing to have lived to promote religion at that time, if that had been the will of God: but (says he) I am willing it should be as it is: I would not have the choice to make for myself, for ten thousand worlds.” He expressed on his death-bed a full persuasion that he should inheavensee the prosperity of the church on earth, and should rejoice with Christ therein; and the consideration of it seemed to be highly pleasing to his mind.

He also still dwelt much on the great importance of the work ofministers; and expressed his longings, that they might befilled with the Spirit of God; and manifested much desire to see some of the neighbouring ministers, whom he had some acquaintance with, that he might converse freely with them on that subject before he died. And it so happened, that he had opportunity with some of them, according to his desire.

Another thing that lay much on his heart, and that he spake of, from time to time, in these near approaches of death, was the spiritual prosperity of his own congregation: and when hespake of them, it was with peculiar tenderness, so that his speech would be presently interrupted and drowned with tears.

*He also expressed much satisfaction in the disposals of Providence, with regard to the circumstances of hisdeath; particularly that God had before his death given him the opportunity he had in Boston, with so many considerable persons, ministers, and others, to give in his testimony for God, and against false religion; and there to lay before charitable gentlemen, the state of the Indians, to so good effect; and that God had since given him an opportunity to write to them farther concerning these affairs; and to write other letters of importance, that he hoped might be of good influence with regard to the state of religion among the Indians, and elsewhere, after his death. He also mentioned it as what he accounted a merciful circumstance of his death, that he should die here. And speaking of these things, he said, “God had granted him all his desire;” and signified, that now he could with the greater alacrity leave the world.]

Monday, September 28. I was able to read, and make some few corrections in my private writings; but found I could not write as I had done; I found myself sensibly declining in all respects. It has been only from a little while before noon, till about one or two o’clock, that I have been able to do any thing for some timepast: yet this refreshed my heart, that I could do any thing, either public or private for God.

[This evening, he was supposed to be dying: he thought so himself, and was thought so by those who were about him. He seemed glad at the appearance of death. He was almost speechless, but his lips appeared to move: and one that sat very near him, heard him utter, “Come, Lord Jesus, come quickly.—Oh, why is his chariot so long in coming!”—After he revived, he blamed himself for having been too eager to be gone. *And in expressing what he found in his mind at that time, he said, he then found an inexpressibly sweet love to those that he looked upon asbelonging to Christ, beyond all that ever he felt before; so that it “seemed (to use his own words) like a little piece ofheavento have one of them near him.” And being asked, whether he heard the prayer that was (at his desire) made with him; he said, “Yes, he heard every word, and had an uncommon sense of the things that were uttered in that prayer, and that every word reached his heart.”

On the evening of Tuesday, September 29, as he lay in his bed, his mind seemed greatly engaged concerning the prosperity of Zion: there being present at that time twocandidatesfor theministry, he desired us all to unite in singing a psalm on that subject, even Zion’s prosperity. And on his desire we sung a part of the102dPsalm. This seemed much to refresh him, andgave him new strength; so that, though before he could scarce speak at all, now he proceeded, with some freedom of speech, to give his dying counsels to those two young gentlemen, relating to the great work of the ministry they were designed for. In particular, he earnestly recommended to them frequent secretfastingandprayer: and enforced his counsel with regard to this, from his ownexperienceof the great comfort and benefit of it; which (said he) I should not mention, were it not that I am adyingperson. And after he had finished his counsel, he made a prayer, in the audience of us all; wherein, besides praying for his family, for his brethren, and those candidates for the ministry, and for his own congregation, he earnestly prayed for the reviving and flourishing of religion in the world.

Till now, he had every day sat up part of the day; but after this he never rose from his bed.]

Wednesday, September 30. I was obliged to keep my bed the whole day, through weakness. However I redeemed a little time, and with the help of my brother, read and corrected about a dozen pages in myM. S.giving an account of my conversion.

Friday, October 2. My soul was this day, at turns, sweetly set on God: I longed to be with him, that I mightbehold his glory: I felt sweetly disposed to commit all to him, even my dearest friends; my dearest flock, and my absent brother,and all my concerns for time and eternity. Oh that his kingdom might come into the world; that they might all love and glorify him; and that the blessed Redeemer might “see of the travail of his soul, and be satisfied! Oh, come, Lord Jesus, come quickly! Amen.”¹

¹Here ends his diary: these are the last words, that are written in it, either by his own hand, or from his mouth.

¹Here ends his diary: these are the last words, that are written in it, either by his own hand, or from his mouth.

¹Here ends his diary: these are the last words, that are written in it, either by his own hand, or from his mouth.

[The next evening we much expected his brother John from New-Jersey; it being about a week after the time that he proposed for his return. And though our expectations were still disappointed; yetMr.Brainerd seemed to continue unmoved, in the same calm frame, that he had before manifested; as having resigned all to God, and having done with his friends, and with all things here below.

*On the morning of the next day, being Lord’s-day, October 4, as my daughter Jerusha (who chiefly tended him) came into the room, he looked on her very pleasantly, and said, “Dear Jerusha, are you willing to part with me?—I am quite willing to part with you; I am willing to part with all my friends: I am willing to part with my dear brother John, although I love him the best of any creature living; I have committed him and all my friends to God, and can leave them with God. Though, if I thought I should not see you, and be happy with you in another world I could not bear to part with you. But we shall spend an happy eternitytogether!”¹In the evening, as one came into the room with a bible in her hand, he said, “Oh, that dear book! that lovely book! I shall soon see it opened! the mysteries that are in it, and the mysteries of God’s providence, will be all unfolded!”

¹Since this, it has pleased God to take away this my dear child, on the14thof February next following, after a short illness of five days, in the eighteenth year of her age. She was a person of much the same spirit withMr.Brainerd. She had constantly taken care of, and attended him in his sickness, for nineteen weeks before his death, devoting herself to it with great delight, because she looked on him as an eminent servant of Jesus Christ. In this time, he had much conversation with her on things of religion; and in his dying state, often expressed to us, her parents, his great satisfaction concerning her true piety, and his confidence that he should meet her in heaven; and his high opinion of her, not only as a true Christian, but a very eminent saint; one whose soul was uncommonly fed and entertained with things that appertain to the most spiritual parts of religion; and one who, by the temper of her mind, was fitted to deny herself for God, and to do good beyond any young woman that he knew of. She had manifested a heart uncommonly devoted to God, in the course of her life, many years before her death; and said on her death-bed, that “she had not seen one minute for several years, wherein she desired to live one minute longer, for the sake of any other good in life, but doing good, living to God, and doing what might be for his glory.”

¹Since this, it has pleased God to take away this my dear child, on the14thof February next following, after a short illness of five days, in the eighteenth year of her age. She was a person of much the same spirit withMr.Brainerd. She had constantly taken care of, and attended him in his sickness, for nineteen weeks before his death, devoting herself to it with great delight, because she looked on him as an eminent servant of Jesus Christ. In this time, he had much conversation with her on things of religion; and in his dying state, often expressed to us, her parents, his great satisfaction concerning her true piety, and his confidence that he should meet her in heaven; and his high opinion of her, not only as a true Christian, but a very eminent saint; one whose soul was uncommonly fed and entertained with things that appertain to the most spiritual parts of religion; and one who, by the temper of her mind, was fitted to deny herself for God, and to do good beyond any young woman that he knew of. She had manifested a heart uncommonly devoted to God, in the course of her life, many years before her death; and said on her death-bed, that “she had not seen one minute for several years, wherein she desired to live one minute longer, for the sake of any other good in life, but doing good, living to God, and doing what might be for his glory.”

¹Since this, it has pleased God to take away this my dear child, on the14thof February next following, after a short illness of five days, in the eighteenth year of her age. She was a person of much the same spirit withMr.Brainerd. She had constantly taken care of, and attended him in his sickness, for nineteen weeks before his death, devoting herself to it with great delight, because she looked on him as an eminent servant of Jesus Christ. In this time, he had much conversation with her on things of religion; and in his dying state, often expressed to us, her parents, his great satisfaction concerning her true piety, and his confidence that he should meet her in heaven; and his high opinion of her, not only as a true Christian, but a very eminent saint; one whose soul was uncommonly fed and entertained with things that appertain to the most spiritual parts of religion; and one who, by the temper of her mind, was fitted to deny herself for God, and to do good beyond any young woman that he knew of. She had manifested a heart uncommonly devoted to God, in the course of her life, many years before her death; and said on her death-bed, that “she had not seen one minute for several years, wherein she desired to live one minute longer, for the sake of any other good in life, but doing good, living to God, and doing what might be for his glory.”

His distemper now apparently preyed on his vitals: not by a sudden breaking ofulcersin his lungs, as at Boston, but by a constant discharge of♦purulent matter, in great quantities; so that what he brought up by expectoration, seemed to be as it were mouthfuls of almost clearpus; whichwas attended with very great inward pain and distress.

♦“petulent” replaced with “purulent” per Errata

♦“petulent” replaced with “purulent” per Errata

♦“petulent” replaced with “purulent” per Errata

On Thursday, October 6, he lay for a considerable time, as if he was dying. At which time, he was heard to utter in broken whispers, such expressions as these; “He will come, he will not tarry.—I shall soon be in glory.—I shall soon glorify God with the angels.”—But after some time he revived.

The next day,viz.Wednesday, October 7, his brother John arrived from New-Jersey, where he had been detained much longer than he intended, by a mortal sickness prevailing among the Christian Indians.Mr.Brainerd was refreshed with seeing him, and appeared fully satisfied with the reasons of his delay; seeing the interest of religion and of the souls of his people required it.

The next day, Thursday, October 8. He told me it was impossible for anyone to conceive the distress he felt in his breast. He manifested much concern lest he should dishonour God by impatience. He desired that others would be much in lifting up their hearts to God for him. He signified, that he expected to die that night; but seemed to fear a longer delay: and the disposition of his mind with regard to death appeared still the same that it had been all along. And notwithstanding his bodily agonies, yet the interest of Zion lay still with great weight on his mind; as appeared by some considerable discoursehe had that evening with theRev.Mr.Billing, one of the neighbouring Ministers, concerning the great importance of the work of the ministry. And afterwards, when it was very late in the night, he had much discourse with his brother John, concerning his congregation in New-Jersey, and the interest of religion among the Indians. In the latter part of the night, his bodily distresses seemed to rise to a greater height than ever; and he said to those then about him, that “it was another thing to die than what people imagined;” explaining himself to mean, that they were not aware whatbodilypain and anguish is undergone before death. Towards day, his eyes fixed; and he continued lying immoveable, till about six o’clock in the morning, and then expired, on Friday, October 9, 1747, when his soul was received by his dear Lord and Master, as an eminently faithful servant, into a state of perfection of holiness, and fruition of God, which he had so often and so ardently longed for.

Much respect was shewn to his memory at hisfuneral; which was on the Monday following, after a sermon preached the same day, on that solemn occasion. His funeral was attended by eight of the neighbouring ministers, seventeen other gentlemen of liberal education, and a great concourse of people.]

The End of theTwelfthVolume.

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