Frank.Your house, sir?
Sir Arth.Yes, sir: if the nimble devilThat wantoned in your blood rebelled againstAll rules of honest duty, you might, sir,Have found out some more fitting place than hereTo have built a stews in. All the country whispersHow shamefully thou hast undone a maid,Approved for modest life, for civil carriage,Till thy prevailing perjuries enticed herTo forfeit shame. Will you be honest yet,Make her amends and marry her?
Frank.So, sir,I might bring both myself and her to beggary;And that would be a shame worse than the other.
Sir Arth.You should have thought on this before, and thenYour reason would have overswayed the passionOf your unruly lust. But that you mayBe left without excuse, to salve the infamyOf my disgracèd house, and ’cause you areA gentleman, and both of you my servants,I’ll make the maid a portion.
Frank.So you promised meBefore, in case I married her. I knowSir Arthur Clarington deserves the creditReport hath lent him, and presume you areA debtor to your promise: but uponWhat certainty shall I resolve? Excuse meFor being somewhat rude.
Sir Arth.It is but reason.Well, Frank, what think’st thou of two hundred poundsAnd a continual friend?
Frank.Though my poor fortunesMight happily prefer me to a choiceOf a far greater portion, yet, to rightA wrongèd maid and to preserve your favour,I am content to accept your proffer.
Sir Arth.Art thou?
Frank.Sir, we shall every day have need to employThe use of what you please to give.
Sir Arth.Thou shall have’t.
Frank.Then I claimYour promise.—We are man and wife.
Sir Arth.Already?
Frank.And more than so, sir, I have promised herFree entertainment in her uncle’s houseNear Waltham Abbey, where she may securelySojourn, till time and my endeavours workMy father’s love and liking.
Sir Arth.Honest Frank!
Frank.I hope, sir, you will think I cannot keep herWithout a daily charge.
Sir Arth.As for the money,’Tis all thine own! and though I cannot make theeA present payment, yet thou shalt be sureI will not fail thee.
Frank.But our occasions—
Sir Arth.Nay, nay,Talk not of your occasions; trust my bounty;It shall not sleep.—Hast married her, i’faith, Frank?’Tis well, ’tis passing well!—then, Winnifred,Once more thou art an honest woman. Frank,Thou hast a jewel; love her; she’ll deserve it.And when to Waltham?
Frank.She is making ready;Her uncle stays for her.
Sir Arth.Most provident speed.Frank, I will be thy friend, and such a friend!—Thou’lt bring her thither?
Frank.Sir, I cannot; newlyMy father sent me word I should come to him.
Sir Arth.Marry, and do; I know thou hast a witTo handle him.
Frank.I have a suit t’ye.
Sir Arth.What is’t?Anything, Frank; command it.
Frank.That you’ll pleaseBy letters to assure my father thatI am not married.
Sir Arth.How!
Frank.Some one or otherHath certainly informed him that I purposedTo marry Winnifred; on which he threatenedTo disinherit me:—to prevent it,Lowly I crave your letters, which he seeingWill credit; and I hope, ere I return,On such conditions as I’ll frame, his landsShall be assured.
Sir Arth.But what is there to quit[412]My knowledge of the marriage?
Frank.Why, you were notA witness to it.
Sir Arth.I conceive; and then—His land confirmed, thou wilt acquaint him throughlyWith all that’s past.
Frank.I mean no less.
Sir Arth.ProvidedI never was made privy to’t.
Frank.Alas, sir,Am I a talker?
Sir Arth.Draw thyself the letter,I’ll put my hand to’t. I commend thy policy;Thou’rt witty, witty, Frank; nay, nay, ’tis fit:Dispatch it.
Frank.I shall write effectually.[Exit.
Sir Arth.Go thy way, cuckoo;—have I caught the young man?One trouble, then, is freed. He that will feastAt other’s cost must be a bold-faced guest.
Re-enterWinnifredin a riding-suit.
Win, I have heard the news; all now is safe;The worst is past: thy lip, wench [Kisses her]: I must bidFarewell, for fashion’s sake; but I will visit theeSuddenly, girl. This was cleanly carried;Ha! was’t not, Win?
Win.Then were my happiness,That I in heart repent I did not bring himThe dower of a virginity. Sir, forgive me;I have been much to blame: had not my lewdness[413]Given way to your immoderate waste of virtue,You had not with such eagerness pursuedThe error of your goodness.
Sir Arth.Dear, dear Win,I hug this art of thine; it shows how cleanlyThou canst beguile, in case occasion serveTo practise; it becomes thee: now we shareFree scope enough, without control or fear,To interchange our pleasures; we will surfeitIn our embraces, wench. Come, tell me, whenWilt thou appoint a meeting?
Win.What to do?
Sir Arth.Good, good, to con the lesson of our loves,Our secret game.
Win.O, blush to speak it further!As you’re a noble gentleman, forgetA sin so monstrous: ’tis not gently doneTo open a cured wound: I know you speakFor trial; ’troth, you need not.
Sir Arth.I for trial?Not I, by this good sunshine!
Win.Can you nameThat syllable of good, and yet not trembleTo think to what a foul and black intentYou use it for an oath? Let me resolve[414]you:If you appear in any visitationThat brings not with it pity for the wrongsDone to abusèd Thorney, my kind husband,—If you infect mine ear with any breathThat is not thoroughly perfumed with sighsFor former deeds of lust,—may I be cursedEven in my prayers, when I vouchsafeTo see or hear you! I will change my lifeFrom a loose whore to a repentant wife.
Sir Arth.Wilt thou turn monster now? art not ashamedAfter so many months to be honest at last?Away, away! fie on’t!
Win.My resolutionIs built upon a rock. This very dayYoung Thorney vowed, with oaths not to be doubted,That never any change of love should cancelThe bonds in which we are to either boundOf lasting truth: and shall I, then, for my partUnfile the sacred oath set on recordIn Heaven’s book? Sir Arthur, do not studyTo add to your lascivious lust the sinOf sacrilege; for if you but endeavourBy any unchaste word to tempt my constancyYou strive as much as in you lies to ruinA temple hallowed to the purityOf holy marriage. I have said enough;You may believe me.
Sir Arth.Get you to your nunnery;There freeze in your cold cloister: this is fine!
Win.Good angels guide me! Sir, you’ll give me leaveTo weep and pray for your conversion?
Sir Arth.Yes:Away to Waltham! Pox on your honesty!Had you no other trick to fool me? well,You may want money yet.
Win.None that I’ll send forTo you, for hire of a damnation.When I am gone, think on my just complaint:I was your devil; O, be you my saint![Exit.
Sir Arth.Go, go thy ways; as changeable a baggageAs ever cozened knight: I’m glad I’m rid of her.Honest! marry, hang her! Thorney is my debtor;I thought to have paid him too; but fools have fortune.[Exit.
EnterOld ThorneyandCarter.
O. Thor.You offer, Master Carter, like a gentleman; I cannot find fault with it, ’tis so fair.
Car.No gentleman I, Master Thorney; spare the Mastership, call me by my name, John Carter. Master is a title my father, nor his before him, were acquainted with; honest Hertfordshire yeomen; such an one am I; my word and my deed shall be proved one at all times. I mean to give you no security for the marriage money.
O. Thor.How! no security? although it need not so long as you live, yet who is he has surety of his life one hour? Men, the proverb says, are mortal; else, for my part, I distrust you not, were the sum double.
Car.Double, treble, more or less, I tell you, Master Thorney, I’ll give no security. Bonds and bills are but terriers to catch fools, and keep lazy knaves busy; my security shall be present payment. And we here about Edmonton hold present payment as sure as an alderman’s bond in London, Master Thorney.
O. Thor.I cry you mercy, sir; I understood you not.
Car.I like young Frank well, so does my Susan too; the girl has a fancy to him, which makes me ready in my purse. There be other suitors within, that make much noise to little purpose. If Frank love Sue, Sue shall have none but Frank. ’Tis a mannerly girl, Master Thorney, though but a homely man’s daughter; there have worse faces looked out of black bags, man.
O. Thor.You speak your mind freely and honestly. I marvel my son comes not; I am sure he will be here some time to-day.
Car.To-day or to-morrow, when he comes he shall be welcome to bread, beer, and beef, yeoman’s fare; we have no kickshaws: full dishes, whole bellyfuls. Should I diet three days at one of the slender city-suppers, you might send me to Barber-Surgeons’ hall the fourth day, to hang up for an anatomy.[415]—Here come they that—
EnterWarbeckwithSusan,SomertonwithKatherine.
How now, girls! every day play-day with you? Valentine’s day too, all by couples? Thus will young folks do when we are laid in our graves, Master Thorney; here’s all the care they take. And how do you find the wenches, gentlemen? have they any mind to a loose gown and a strait shoe? Win ’em and wear ’em; they shall choose for themselves by my consent.
War.You speak like a kind father.—Sue, thou hear’stThe liberty that’s granted thee; what say’st thou?Wilt thou be mine?
Sus.Your what, sir? I dare swearNever your wife.
War.Canst thou be so unkind,Considering how dearly I affect thee,Nay, dote on thy perfections?
Sus.You are studied,Too scholar-like, in words I understand not.I am too coarse for such a gallant’s loveAs you are.
War.By the honour of gentility,—
Sus.Good sir, no swearing; yea and nay with usPrevail above all oaths you can invent.
War.By this white hand of thine,—
Sus.Take a false oath!Fie, fie! flatter the wise; fools not regard it,And one of these am I.
War.Dost thou despise me?
Car.Let ’em talk on, Master Thorney; I know Sue’s mind. The fly may buzz about the candle, he shall but singe his wings when all’s done; Frank, Frank is he has her heart.
Som.But shall I live in hope, Kate?
Kath.Better soThan be a desperate man.
Som.Perhaps thou think’st it is thy portionI level at: wert thou as poor in fortunesAs thou art rich in goodness, I would ratherBe suitor for the dower of thy virtuesThan twice thy father’s whole estate; and, prithee,Be thou resolved[416]so.
Kath.Master Somerton,It is an easy labour to deceiveA maid that will believe men’s subtle promises;Yet I conceive of you as worthilyAs I presume you to deserve.
Som.Which is,As worthily in loving thee sincerelyAs thou art worthy to be so beloved.
Kath.I shall find time to try you.
Som.Do, Kate, do;And when I fail, may all my joys forsake me!
Car.Warbeck and Sue are at it still. I laugh to myself, Master Thorney, to see how earnestly he beats the bush, while the bird is flown into another’s bosom. A very unthrift, Master Thorney; one of the country roaring-lads: we have such as well as the city, and as arrant rake-hells as they are, though not so nimble at their prizes of wit. Sue knows the rascal to an hair’s-breadth, and will fit him accordingly.
O. Thor.What is the other gentleman?
Car.One Somerton; the honester man of the two by five pound in every stone-weight. A civil fellow; he has a fine convenient estate of land in West Ham, by Essex: Master Ranges, that dwells by Enfield, sent him hither. He likes Kate well; I may tell you I think she likes him as well: if they agree, I’ll not hinder the match for my part. But that Warbeck is such another—I use him kindly for Master Somerton’s sake; for he came hither first as a companion of his: honest men, Master Thorney, may fall into knaves’ company now and then.
War.Three hundred a-year jointure, Sue.
Sus.Where lies it?By sea or by land? I think by sea.
War.Do I look like a captain?
Sus.Not a whit, sir.Should all that use the seas be reckoned captains,There’s not a ship should have a scullion in herTo keep her clean.
War.Do you scorn me, Mistress Susan?Am I a subject to be jeered at?
Sus.NeitherAm I a property for you to useAs stale[417]to your fond wanton loose discourse:Pray, sir, be civil.
War.Wilt be angry, wasp?
Car.God-a-mercy, Sue! she’ll firk him, on my life, if he fumble with her.
EnterFrank.
Master Francis Thorney, you are welcome indeed; your father expected your coming. How does the right worshipful knight, Sir Arthur Clarington, your master?
Frank.In health this morning.—Sir, my duty.
O. Thor.NowYou come as I could wish.
War.[Aside]Frank Thorney, ha!
Sus.You must excuse me.
Frank.Virtuous Mistress Susan,Kind Mistress Katharine. [Kisses them.]—Gentlemen, to bothGood time o’ th’ day.
Som.The like to you.
War.’Tis he.A word, friend. [Aside to Som.] On my life, this is the manStands fair in crossing Susan’s love to me.
Som.[Aside to War.] I think no less; be wise, and take no notice on’t;He that can win her best deserves her.
War.[Aside to Som.]MarryA serving-man? mew!
Som.[Aside to War.] Prithee, friend, no more.
Car.Gentlemen all, there’s within a slight dinner ready, if you please to taste of it; Master Thorney, Master Francis, Master Somerton.—Why, girls! what huswives! will you spend all your forenoon in tittle-tattles? away! it’s well, i’faith.—Will you go in, gentlemen?
O. Thor.We’ll follow presently; my son and IHave a few words of business.
Car.At your pleasure.[Exeunt all butO. Thor.andFrank.
O. Thor.I think you guess the reason, Frank, for whichI sent for you.
Frank.Yes, sir.
O. Thor.I need not tell youWith what a labyrinth of dangers dailyThe best part of my whole estate’s encumbered;Nor have I any clue to wind it outBut what occasion proffers me; whereinIf you should falter, I shall have the shame,And you the loss. On these two points relyOur happiness or ruin. If you marryWith wealthy Carter’s daughter, there’s a portionWill free my land; all which I will instate,[418]Upon the marriage, to you: otherwiseI must be of necessity enforcedTo make a present sale of all; and yet,For aught I know, live in as poor distress,Or worse, than now I do. You hear the sum?I told you thus before; have you considered on’t?
Frank.I have, sir; and however I could wishTo enjoy the benefit of single freedom,—For that I find no disposition in meTo undergo the burthen of that careThat marriage brings with it,—yet, to secureAnd settle the continuance of your credit,I humbly yield to be directed by youIn all commands.
O. Thor.You have already usedSuch thriving protestations to the maidThat she is wholly yours; and—speak the truth—You love her, do you not?
Frank.’Twere pity, sir,I should deceive her.
O. Thor.Better you’d been unborn.But is your love so steady that you mean,Nay, more, desire, to make her your wife?
Frank.Else, sir,It were a wrong not to be righted.
O. Thor.True,It were: and you will marry her?
Frank.Heaven prosper it,I do intend it.
O. Thor.O, thou art a villain!A devil like a man! Wherein have IOffended all the powers so much, to beFather to such a graceless, godless son?
Frank.To me, sir, this! O, my cleft heart!
O. Thor.To thee,Son of my curse. Speak truth and blush, thou monster!Hast thou not married Winnifred, a maidWas fellow-servant with thee?
Frank[Aside].Some swift spiritHas blown this news abroad; I must outface it.
O. Thor.D’ you study for excuse? why, all the countryIs full on’t.
Frank.With your licence, ’tis not charitable,I’m sure it is not fatherly, so muchTo be o’erswayed with credulous conceitOf mere impossibilities; but fathersAre privileged to think and talk at pleasure.
O. Thor.Why, canst thou yet deny thou hast no wife?
Frank.What do you take me for? an atheist?One that nor hopes the blessedness of lifeHereafter, neither fears the vengeance dueTo such as make the marriage-bed an inn,Which travellers, day and night,After a toilsome lodging, leave at pleasure?Am I become so insensible of losingThe glory of creation’s work, my soul?O, I have lived too long!
O. Thor.Thou hast, dissembler.Dar’st thou perséver yet, and pull down wrathAs hot as flames of hell to strike thee quickInto the grave of horror? I believe thee not;Get from my sight!
Frank.Sir, though mine innocenceNeeds not a stronger witness than the clearnessOf an unperished conscience, yet for thatI was informed how mainly you had beenPossessed of this untruth,—to quit all scruple,Please you peruse this letter; ’tis to you.
O. Thor.From whom?
Frank.Sir Arthur Clarington, my master.
O. Thor.Well, sir.[Reads.
Frank[Aside].On every side I am distracted;Am waded deeper into mischiefThan virtue can avoid; but on I must:Fate leads me; I will follow.—There you readWhat may confirm you.
O. Thor.Yes, and wonder at it.Forgive me, Frank; credulity abused me.My tears express my joy; and I am sorryI injured innocence.
Frank.Alas! I knewYour rage and grief proceeded from your loveTo me; so I conceived it.
O. Thor.My good son,I’ll bear with many faults in thee hereafter;Bear thou with mine.
Frank.The peace is soon concluded.
Re-enterCarterandSusan.
Car.Why, Master Thorney, d’ye mean to talk out your dinner? the company attends your coming. What must it be, Master Frank? or son Frank? I am plain Dunstable.[419]
O. Thor.Son, brother, if your daughter like to have it so.
Frank.I dare be confident she is not alteredFrom what I left her at our parting last:—Are you, fair maid?
Sus.You took too sure possessionOf an engagèd heart.
Frank.Which now I challenge.
Car.Marry, and much good may it do thee, son.Take her to thee; get me a brace of boys at a burthen,Frank; the nursing shall not stand thee in a pennyworthof milk; reach her home and spare not: when’sthe day?
O. Thor.To-morrow, if you please. To use ceremonyOf charge and custom were to little purpose;Their loves are married fast enough already.
Car.A good motion. We’ll e’en have an household dinner, and let the fiddlers go scrape: let the bride and bridegroom dance at night together; no matter for the guests:—to-morrow, Sue, to-morrow.—Shall’s to dinner now?
O. Thor.We are on all sides pleased, I hope.
Sus.Pray Heaven I may deserve the blessing sent me:Now my heart is settled.
Frank.So is mine.
Car.Your marriage-money shall be received before your wedding-shoes can be pulled on. Blessing on you both!
Frank[Aside]. No man can hide his shame from Heaven that views him;In vain he flees whose destiny pursues him.[Exeunt.
EnterMother Sawyergathering sticks.
Mother Sawyer.And why on me? why should the envious worldThrow all their scandalous malice upon me?’Cause I am poor, deformed, and ignorant,And like a bow buckled and bent togetherBy some more strong in mischiefs than myself,Must I for that be made a common sinkFor all the filth and rubbish of men’s tonguesTo fall and run into? Some call me witch,And being ignorant of myself, they goAbout to teach me how to be one; urgingThat my bad tongue—by their bad usage made so—Forspeaks[420]their cattle, doth bewitch their corn,Themselves, their servants, and their babes at nurse.This they enforce upon me, and in partMake me to credit it; and here comes oneOf my chief adversaries.
EnterOld Banks.
O. Banks.Out, out upon thee, witch!
M. Saw.Dost call me witch?
O. Banks.I do, witch, I do; and worse I would, knew I a name more hateful. What makest thou upon my ground?
M. Saw.Gather a few rotten sticks to warm me.
O. Banks.Down with them when I bid thee quickly; I’ll make thy bones rattle in thy skin else.
M. Saw.You won’t, churl, cut-throat, miser!—there they be [Throws them down]: would they stuck cross thy throat, thy bowels, thy maw, thy midriff!
O. Banks.Sayest thou me so, hag? Out of my ground![Beats her.
M. Saw.Dost strike me, slave, curmudgeon! Now, thy bones ache, thy joints cramp, and convulsions stretch and crack thy sinews!
O. Banks.Cursing, thou hag! take that and that.[Beats her and exit.
M. Saw.Strike, do!—and withered may that hand and armWhose blows have lamed me drop from the rotten trunk.Abuse me! beat me! call me hag and witch!What is the name, where and by what art learned,What spells, what charms, or invocations,May the thing called Familiar be purchased?
EnterCuddy Banksand several otherClowns.
Cud.A new head for the tabor, and silver tipping for the pipe; remember that: and forget not five leash of new bells.
1st Cl.Double bells;—Crooked Lane[421]—ye shall have ’em straight in Crooked Lane:—double bells all, if it be possible.
Cud.Double bells? double coxcombs! trebles, buy me trebles, all trebles; for our purpose is to be in the altitudes.
2nd Cl.All trebles? not a mean?[422]
Cud.Not one. The morris is so cast, we’ll have neither mean nor base in our company, fellow Rowland.
3rd Cl.What! nor a counter?[423]
Cud.By no means, no hunting counter;[424]leave that to Enfield Chase men: all trebles, all in the altitudes. Now for the disposing of parts in the morris, little or no labour will serve.
2nd Cl.If you that be minded to follow your leader know me—an ancient honour belonging to our house—for a fore-horse i’ th’ team and fore-gallant[425]in a morris, my father’s stable is not unfurnished.
3rd Cl.So much for the fore-horse; but how for a good hobby-horse?
Cud.For a hobby-horse? let me see an almanac. Midsummer-moon, let me see ye. “When the moon’s in the full, then’s wit in the wane.†No more. Use your best skill; your morris will suffer an eclipse.
1st Cl.An eclipse?
Cud.A strange one.
2nd Cl.Strange?
Cud.Yes, and most sudden. Remember the fore-gallant, and forget the hobby-horse! The whole body of your morris will be darkened.—There be of us—but ’tis no matter:—forget the hobby-horse!
1st Cl.Cuddy Banks!—have you forgot since he paced it from Enfield Chase to Edmonton?—Cuddy, honest Cuddy, cast thy stuff.
Cud.Suffer may ye all! it shall be known, I can takemine ease as well as another man. Seek your hobby-horse where you can get him.[426]
1st Cl.Cuddy, honest Cuddy, we confess, and are sorry for our neglect.
2nd Cl.The old horse shall have a new bridle.
3rd Cl.The caparisons new painted.
4th Cl.The tail repaired. The snaffle and the bosses new saffroned o’er.
1st Cl.Kind,—
2nd Cl.Honest,—
3rd Cl.Loving, ingenious,—
4th Cl.Affable Cuddy.
Cud.To show I am not flint, but affable, as you say, very well stuffed, a kind of warm dough or puff-paste, I relent, I connive, most affable Jack. Let the hobby-horse provide a strong back, he shall not want a belly when I am in him—but [Seeing Sawyer]—’uds me, Mother Sawyer!
1st Cl.The old Witch of Edmonton!—if our mirth be not crossed—
2nd Cl.Bless us, Cuddy, and let her curse her t’other eye out.—What dost now?
Cud.“Ungirt, unblest,†says the proverb; but my girdle shall serve for a riding knot; and a fig for all the witches in Christendom!—What wouldst thou?
1st Cl.The devil cannot abide to be crossed.
2nd Cl.And scorns to come at any man’s whistle.
3rd Cl.Away—
4th Cl.With the witch!
All.Away with the Witch of Edmonton![Exeunt in strange postures.