CANTO XLVII.

THE OVERCROWDED COLD-STORAGE PIT.

Passinga cave the explorer hears the “rush and shriek of winter winds.” On investigation he sees a nude soul tugging at a halter which fastens him to a post.

Mr. Hunt does not need to refer to his guide book in order to identify this victim. He had known the man on earth, as a farmer who used to leave his horses unblanketed in the winter storm, while he attended prayer meeting in a warm church.

HE WOULDN’T BLANKET HIS HORSE.

Mr. Hunttakes an elevated train and gets off at a street called “Big Head Boulevard,” a long deep defile in the rock where some of the conceited people of earth are made to take up their existence in cave-like shops and perform menial service for the Demons. Men who held important positions and became “puffed-up” are forced into the dignified occupation of driving tar-wagons for the “Good-Intention Street Pavement Co.”

Here are the conceited men of the arts and letters—the “swelled heads” of the theatrical profession and the arrogant worshippers of ancestry.

The latter are hoof-trimmers.

THE CONCEIT TAKEN OUT OF THEM.

Afterresting in the shadow of a huge bastion of rock, a Demon helps him climb the wall surrounding the compartment wherein the careless people are punished.

He sees a dentist he had known, a man who was just as sure to pull a tooth that didn’t need pulling as the one that did—whose filling work invariably had to be done over by someone else.

Mr. Hunt asks him how he is enjoying himself, but receives no reply.

FATE OF A CARELESS DENTIST.

Inthis Canto the poet describes the punishment of policemen whose chief pleasure on earth was flaunting their authority and clubbing small boys.

He relates also his passage through the midst of that region where soulless monopolists are obliged to obey the anti-trust mandates of Infernal law. Seated in large frying-pans they bubble and hiss over never-dying fires.

With power of description worthy of Dante himself, he sees “one corpulent person flop in the pan, head down, as pop-corn jumps with the heat.”

“RULE OR RUIN” MONOPOLISTS

HAVING FUN WITH A BRUTAL POLICEMAN.

Withthe example of Dante ever before him, Mr. Hunt determines to keep on, though the discomforts of travel grow and the scenes unnerve him. He is reflecting on these impediments when he comes upon a vast amphitheatre, where the tax-dodgers are punished.

EXCITING SPORT.

Withthe aid of his field glass, the explorer inspects the 14th section.

Prowling about a rock-bound region he discerns afar off, strange cat-like animals that on inquiry he learns are the transformed souls of those who left their cats to starve while they betook themselves to the country for a season of pleasure.

Although overcome by hunger, every eatable thing evades them or is snatched away by little imps that skip gleefully about with squeaks of merriment.

THE PENALTY FOR CAT-STARVING.

Hiprah Huntholds discourse with Beelzebub, who is general superintendent of the whole lower section of Hell.

He learns from this distinguished personage that Satan makes a tour of his region every month on a special train. From the platform of his private car he gives instructions to his employees.

SATAN ON A TOUR OF INSPECTION.

Mr. Huntnow discontinues his explorations for a while to become a guest of Satan at the Infernal Theatre.

Satan and the explorer meet at the entrance, which is at the top of the house, and enter the royal box by a private elevator. Satan is received as usual on public occasions with the Infernal yell, “Zip! Zizz! Whee! who are we, give us a chance and you will see!”

The distinguished guest also comes in for a round of cheers and a wagging of tails, to which he responds with a bow.

Among other acts, Mr. Hunt witnesses the performance of a citizen of the United States who lacked patriotism and who is compelled to wave a flag and hurrah lustily in favor of America for fifty years.

He sees men bound to posts in the body of the theatre and others in cages at the sides. He learns that the former are those who on earth would disturb concert or theatre goers with incessant talking. The latter are the men who had the discourteous habit of going out between every act.

A HELL THEATRE.

Afterthe theatre Mr. Hunt thanks Satan for his hospitality and continues his journey. He takes an incline car and arrives at the department where flatterers are punished.

He studies the list of victims in his guide book. The most harmful kind, “those who attach themselves to a man the instant he makes a success in life and fill him with exaggerated notions of his greatness and importance,” are seen in stocks, and their bare feet are being tickled by delighted imps. He watches this mirth-provoking devilment for a while and then proceeds.

THE FLATTERERS.

Pickinghis way down a deep ravine, with the shrill laughter of the tickling imps still in his ears, the course suddenly turns, and he finds himself shut off from all light and sound and groping in shadowy darkness.

Advancing cautiously, he comes to a wide expanse where the ground is split with yawning fissures from which issues smoke mingled with the sound of doleful voices.

“Let me out! I can’t make myself heard! Haven’t had my name in a newspaper for two hundred years! Help!”

These are the wails of the notoriety seekers.

The end of notoriety seekers

ARRIVAL OF A FOOT-BALL CHAMPION.“What’s the matter down here?”“O, this fool fiend tackled that half-back and tried to rush him into the Lake of Fire.”

ARRIVAL OF A FOOT-BALL CHAMPION.

“What’s the matter down here?”

“O, this fool fiend tackled that half-back and tried to rush him into the Lake of Fire.”

Questioningan employee, Mr. Hunt learns that The Great Punisher employs five thousand overseers or district police captains.

Each is assigned to a district, over which he has full charge and about which he reports regularly to his Chief. No law-breakers are rich enough to purchase protection from the Infernal Police Force. In a lengthy prose description of the Police Department of Hell, Mr. Hunt expresses his belief that on the whole it is better conducted than such departments in many American cities.

A CAPTAIN OF THE POLICE FORCE.

Thesewers of Hell are flushed with patent medicines. Such medicines as were sold on earth to enrich the inventor, but were of no benefit whatever to the patient. Wallowing in this stream of mysterious decoction the explorer sees the souls of quack doctors. To add to the punishment of gulping their own poison, unceasing showers of large pills descend, the doctors frantically beating the air in their endeavors to ward off the bitter storm.

THE QUACK DOCTORS.

Walkingalong the embankment he turns up a steep gulch to the right, and down through the purple light sees the region where the profane are punished as befits their crime.

They are compelled to eat soap. Mr. Hunt learns that the worst type of profane man: He who swears regardless of the presence of ladies—won’t even say “Oh pshaw!” after he has been forced to eat soap for a few years.

A SWEARING MAN FORCED TO EAT SOAP.

Mr. Huntholds a long discourse with Clawquick, who claims to be the oldest Demon in the region.

He remembers well the terrible cold-snap of the year 1422. All Hell was frozen over. There was skating on the River Styx for several months and two thousand miles of steam-pipe burst.

THE OLDEST INHABITANT.

THE PUBLIC SPITTER.

Mr. Huntnow looks down on a spacious valley in the center of which there stands a large stage.

On this stage he sees a throng of weary looking souls dancing on tacks. These are the men who, though married and old enough to know better, were wont to secretly haunt the theatre and lavish affection, flowers and wine suppers on chorus girls.

A LIVELY DANCE.

Theexplorer is now in the lowest depths.

From a precipice of crimson rock he beholds the punishment of “bunco steerers.” He sees a howling group of souls huddled on the summit of a hill, from top to bottom of which is constructed a toboggan slide of sand-paper. As they stand cringing in fright, a Demon policeman yells: “Next!” and the foremost shuffles to the front and is given a shove that sends him whirling, yelling and rasping down the incline at a fearful speed. Arriving at the bottom he is immediately driven back and forced to repeat the act. Thus the performance continues throughout the centuries.

SHOOTING THE INFERNAL SHUTE.

Afterinspecting the kicking-machines in the department where “chronic grumblers” are punished Hiprah Hunt is overcome by the heat. He now concludes that he will not explore further.

FOR CHRONIC GRUMBLERS.

Onrecovering strength enough to enable him to make his way to an Incline Station, Mr Hunt returns to Satan’s office to express his thanks for the privilege of being permitted to explore and inspect his vast domain.

The Arch-Fiend receives him courteously and tells him that he is much interested in the result of his labors, assuring him that he is appreciative of his desire to offset the tendency of modern thinkers to dispense entirely with future punishment. He prevails on Mr. Hunt to remain in the region till after the Annual Parade of Sinners. Mr. Hunt agrees to do so—and accepts the Chief’s invitation to be his guest while he reviews the procession.

THE ANNUAL PARADE.

Afterthe annual parade Hiprah Hunt is given a farewell banquet at Satan’s palace on the Styx.

As guest of honor he sits at one end of a long table and Satan sits at the other. He describes the magnificence of the scene and his meeting with the members of the Hell Common Council.

Charming women from the female department wait on the table.

When in response to a toast Mr. Hunt tells the Demons that a great majority of the civilized world think Hell only a bugaboo dream, they are convulsed with laughter.

The banquet over, Hiprah Hunt bids farewell to Satan and his colleagues. The Arch-Fiend asks him to come again, and Mr. Hunt promises to do so if he recovers from the exploration just ended.

Taking an ascending car back to the American entrance he climbs out into the upper world, through the same wild forest he had passed six weeks before. Under a star-lit sky he makes his way home with proofs that Hell really is; that Dante was right, and that Hiprah Hunt is his legitimate successor.

In conclusion, Mr. Hunt adds the following verse, the wisdom of which no reader will deny who has followed the explorer’s journey below, or better still followed his own life, noting the penalties that resulted from folly and disobedience of laws of right living here on earth:

“Good people all, who deal with the Devil,Be warned now by what I say!His credit’s long, and his tongue is civil,But you’ll have the Devil to pay.”

THE FAREWELL BANQUET IN HONOR OF HIPRAH HUNT.

Back to Index Next