Chapter 14

A Trust-BusterCOBWIGGER—By the way, my dear, I haven’t seen anything of the gas bill this month.Mrs. Cobwigger—Oh, Henry, it came over a week ago, but it was so much I didn’t dare show it to you for fear you would blame me for being extravagant. Here it is.Cobwigger(looking at bill)—Hoppity-hornets! What a bill for a small family! I don’t blame you at all, my dear. It isn’t your fault; it’s this grasping corporation. But I’ll get ahead of them all right.Mrs. Cobwigger—How can you?Cobwigger—Pshaw! It’s just like a woman to ask such a foolish question. How am I going to get ahead of this monopoly? Why, tell the old gas company to take out its meter.Mrs. Cobwigger—And then what will you do?Cobwigger—Why, put in lamps and patronize the Standard Oil Company.KernelsMANY a politician who talks about an honest dollar never earned an honest penny.If there wasn’t a sucker born every minute a lot of people in this world would have to work for a living.The cost of keeping up appearances is usually defrayed with other people’s money.The man whose mind moves like clockwork isn’t the fellow who has wheels in his head.Many a politician would be a statesman if there were more money in it.The thought of work makes some people more tired than if they had really done the work.The man who thinks that his money will do almost everything for him is the one who did almost everything for his money.Marriage is the only union that doesn’t make a man keep regular hours.A Positive Proof“ARE you sure that Percy really loves you?”“Positive. Why, at the dinner last night he offered to divide his last dyspepsia tablet with me.”

A Trust-Buster

COBWIGGER—By the way, my dear, I haven’t seen anything of the gas bill this month.

Mrs. Cobwigger—Oh, Henry, it came over a week ago, but it was so much I didn’t dare show it to you for fear you would blame me for being extravagant. Here it is.

Cobwigger(looking at bill)—Hoppity-hornets! What a bill for a small family! I don’t blame you at all, my dear. It isn’t your fault; it’s this grasping corporation. But I’ll get ahead of them all right.

Mrs. Cobwigger—How can you?

Cobwigger—Pshaw! It’s just like a woman to ask such a foolish question. How am I going to get ahead of this monopoly? Why, tell the old gas company to take out its meter.

Mrs. Cobwigger—And then what will you do?

Cobwigger—Why, put in lamps and patronize the Standard Oil Company.

Kernels

MANY a politician who talks about an honest dollar never earned an honest penny.

If there wasn’t a sucker born every minute a lot of people in this world would have to work for a living.

The cost of keeping up appearances is usually defrayed with other people’s money.

The man whose mind moves like clockwork isn’t the fellow who has wheels in his head.

Many a politician would be a statesman if there were more money in it.

The thought of work makes some people more tired than if they had really done the work.

The man who thinks that his money will do almost everything for him is the one who did almost everything for his money.

Marriage is the only union that doesn’t make a man keep regular hours.

A Positive Proof

“ARE you sure that Percy really loves you?”

“Positive. Why, at the dinner last night he offered to divide his last dyspepsia tablet with me.”

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