In Absence

In Absence

BY EUGENE C. DOLSON

WITH miles between us—miles of land and sea,However far my wandering footsteps roam,Still memory ever backward turns to thee—Queen of my heart and home.

WITH miles between us—miles of land and sea,However far my wandering footsteps roam,Still memory ever backward turns to thee—Queen of my heart and home.

WITH miles between us—miles of land and sea,However far my wandering footsteps roam,Still memory ever backward turns to thee—Queen of my heart and home.

In Outline“MANY a man complains that he lost his health in business, although he was not in business for his health.”“The quickest way to get to the top in this world is to have someone let you in on the ground floor.”“Money often fails to bring happiness, on account of the way it has been made.”“The world may owe you a living, but you have to work hard to collect the debt.”“One-half the world doesn’t care how the other half lives.”“The man who courts an investigation has generally been making love to other people’s money.”Not GuiltyTAVERN LOUNGER—That ’ere smooth-shaved, horse-faced feller jest goin’ into the dinin’-room looks like an actor.Landlord—Yes; but you bet yer life he ain’t one! He came day before yesterday, paid his bill in advance, and ain’t kicked about anything yet!A Discovery“I HAVE looked the matter over with reasonable care,” said the Pruntytown Philosopher, with his usual acridity, “and I have reached the conclusion that it is not absolutely necessary to send boys to college in order to have ’em act the fool.”A One-Sided AllianceJUDSON—Do you think capital and labor will ever work together?Budson—It looks that way. At the present time the landlord and the tenants seem to be both engaged in raising the rent.At the ZooTHE PARROT—The eagle says he has been bald ever since he can remember.The Cockatoo—Gee-whiz! Those eagles marry very young, don’t they?

In Outline

“MANY a man complains that he lost his health in business, although he was not in business for his health.”

“The quickest way to get to the top in this world is to have someone let you in on the ground floor.”

“Money often fails to bring happiness, on account of the way it has been made.”

“The world may owe you a living, but you have to work hard to collect the debt.”

“One-half the world doesn’t care how the other half lives.”

“The man who courts an investigation has generally been making love to other people’s money.”

Not Guilty

TAVERN LOUNGER—That ’ere smooth-shaved, horse-faced feller jest goin’ into the dinin’-room looks like an actor.

Landlord—Yes; but you bet yer life he ain’t one! He came day before yesterday, paid his bill in advance, and ain’t kicked about anything yet!

A Discovery

“I HAVE looked the matter over with reasonable care,” said the Pruntytown Philosopher, with his usual acridity, “and I have reached the conclusion that it is not absolutely necessary to send boys to college in order to have ’em act the fool.”

A One-Sided Alliance

JUDSON—Do you think capital and labor will ever work together?

Budson—It looks that way. At the present time the landlord and the tenants seem to be both engaged in raising the rent.

At the Zoo

THE PARROT—The eagle says he has been bald ever since he can remember.

The Cockatoo—Gee-whiz! Those eagles marry very young, don’t they?

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