Donot imagine that you will increase your importance byhauteurto your own or to other people’s servants.
At the house of your friend always preface your request to a servant by the words, “I would thank you for so and so;” and do not omit the usual courtesy on receiving it.
Do not scold your servants; you had better turn them away at once. When they need reproof, give them it in a calm, dignified, and firm manner; but on no account, if you can possibly avoid it, find fault with them in the presence of strangers, even though they should let fall the tray with your best set of china upon it.
If you have only one servant, speak of her by her Christian name; if you have more, talk of them by the names of their offices, such as nurse, cook, housemaid, footman, &c., but always address them by their Christian names.
Inwriting, endeavor to make your style clear, concise, elegant, and appropriate for all subjects. Avoid repetitions, erasures, insertions, omissions, and confusion of ideas, or labored construction. If your letter is to an equal or friend, these blemishes may remain; if otherwise, it must be commenced again.
To write on very coarse paper is allowable only for the most indigent; to use gilt-edged and perfumed paper for letters of business, would be ridiculous. The very best paper, but plain or without much ornament, is most to be recommended.
It is extremely impolite to write upon a single leaf of paper, even if it is a billet;it should always be double, although we write only two or three lines. Envelopes are now used almost as much as the paper itself is.
Use a lofty style towards persons to whom you owe respect; an easy, trifling, or even jesting style toward a friend, and a courteous style toward one another generally.
The date is often necessary to the understanding of many passages of your letter, therefore never omit it. It may be put at the right hand of the commencement of the letter, if writing to an equal; but in writing to a superior, it should be at the end, in order that the title at the head of the letter may be entirely alone.
Seal your communications with wax: bronze or other colors are more suitable than red; use black wax when in mourning.Let the seal be small; large ones are in very bad taste.
Ceremonious notes and social letters should always be in the third person, and of course not signed.
Letters of introduction should be concise and brief, and enclosed in an envelope, unsealed.
Whenany of your acquaintances are deceased, be at the house at not quite an hour after the time specified, as the procession moves exactly one hour after the time announced.
It is optional whether you go to the grave or not; it is customary now, to gomerely to the house, until the procession has moved, when you are at liberty to return to your ordinary pursuits.
Returning cards “of thanks” after a death for visits of condolence, implies that the bereaved parties are prepared to receive visiters; it must, therefore, be with them entirely a matter of feeling, as to how soon it is done.
Neverbe too punctilious and exacting with regard to the penalties incurred through mistakes.
Lose without any exhibition of ill-humor, and win without any symptoms of exultation.
Never lose your temper at cards, and avoid the exhibition of anxiety or of vexation at want of success. If you are playing whist, not only keep your temper, but hold your tongue; any intimation to your partner is not ladylike.
Women should never play, unless they can retain the command of their temper. She who wishes to win a heart or retain one, should never permit her admirers to behold her at cards, as the anxiety they produce is as destructive to beauty as to sentiment.
Ladies’gifts to gentlemen should be of the most refined nature possible; little articles not purchased, but those derivinga priceless value as being the offering of their gentle skill, such as a trifle from their needle, or a picture from their pencil. But such offerings, though invaluable among friends, are not used on occasions of ceremony.
In the eyes of persons of delicacy, presents are of no worth, except from the manner in which they are bestowed. Strive, then, to give them this value.
Never give away a present which you have received from another; or at least, so arrange it, that it may never be known.
Endeavor always to present an article which the recipient has not. This in many cases may be difficult; but where it is possible, it should always be done. I have known gentlemen to receive half a dozen purses, only one of which did they use.
Inentering any public room with a gentleman, let him precede you and obtain a seat.
If at another’s house you should break anything, do not appear to notice it. Your hostess, if a lady, would take no notice of the calamity, nor say, as is sometimes done by ill-bred persons, “Oh! it is of no consequence.”
Do not beat the “devil’s tattoo,” by drumming with your fingers on a table. Never read in an audible whisper; it disturbs those near you.
You should never take the arms of two gentlemen, one being upon either side.
A lady ought not to present herself alone in a library or museum, unless she goes there to study or work as an artist.
Perfect order, exquisite neatness and elegance, which easily dispense with being sumptuous, ought to mark the entrance of the house, the furniture, and the dress of the lady.
The most obvious mark of good breeding and good taste is a sensitive regard for the feelings of others.
Dean Swift, I think, remarks, that good breeding does not consist so much in the observance of particular forms, as in bringing the dictates of refined sense and taste to bear upon the ordinary occurrences of life.
THE END.
Transcriber’s NoteThe following typographical errors were corrected.PageErrorCorrection1ALLEN,ALLEN.47CXXVIICXXVII.49CXXXVIIICXXXVIII.53in an evnelopein an envelope
Transcriber’s Note
The following typographical errors were corrected.