SOLUTIONS

What could not the cruet stand?Seeing an apostle spoon.Why did the barmaid champagne?Because the stout porter bitter.

What could not the cruet stand?Seeing an apostle spoon.

Why did the barmaid champagne?Because the stout porter bitter.

When it was reported that M. de Lesseps and his son were to marry sisters, theRappelsuggested these possible complications. Lesseps the younger will be his father’s brother-in-law, and his wife will be her own sister’s sister-in-law.

If Lesseps the elder has a son, and Lesseps the younger has a daughter, and these marry, then the daughter of Lesseps the younger will be her father’s sister-in-law, and the son of Lesseps the elder will be the son-in-law of his brother. The son of the second marriage will have two grandfathers, Lesseps the elder and the younger, so that old Lesseps will become his own son’s brother.

Mary had a little lamb,With feet as black as soot;And into Mary’s bread and milkHe put his little foot.Now Mary was an honest girl,And scorned a hollow sham;So the one word that Mary saidWas mother to the lamb!

Latin

“Is acer,” sed jacto his mas ter at te,“Cantu passus sum jam?” “Notabit,” anser de;“Mi jam potis empti, solis tento me,For uva da lotas i vere vel se!”

English

“I say, sir,” said Jack to his master at tea,“Can’t you pass us some jam?” “Not a bit,” answered he,“My jam pot is empty, so listen to me,For you’ve had a lot as I very well see!”

We most of us know the good old double-barrelled riddle, “Why need we never starve in the desert?” “Because of the sand which is there.” “How did the sandwiches get there?” “Ham settled there, and his descendants bred and mustered.” This clever metrical solution is by ArchbishopWhately:—

A traveller o’er the desert wildShould ne’er let want confound him,For he at any time can eatThe sand which is around him.It might seem strange that he should findSuch palatable fare,Did we not know the sons of HamWere bred and mustered there.

We know that Latin motto, with its clever double meaning, suggested for a retired tobacconist, “Quid rides”—why do you smile?—orquidrides. Here is another, proposed many years ago, for a doctor of indifferentrepute:—

Take some device in your own way,Neither too solemn, nor too gay;Three ducks suppose, white, grey, and black,And let your motto be “Quack! Quack!”

There was a man who was Nott born,His sire was Nott before him;He did Nott live, he did Nott die,His tombstone was Nott o’er him.

So died John So,So, so, did he so?So did he live, and So did he die,So, so, did he so?So let him lie!

The importance of proper punctuation is very happily illustrated by the followinglines:—

I saw a peacock with a fiery tailI saw a blazing comet pour down hailI saw a cloud enwrapped with ivy roundI saw an oak tree swallow up a whaleI saw the boundless sea brimful of aleI saw a Venice glass fifteen feet deepI saw a well full of mens’ tears that weepI saw wet eyes among the things that I sawWere no sore eyes nor any other eye-sore.

There is a curiously constructed inscription over the door of the cloister of the Convent of the Carmelites at Caen, which runsthus:—

The lines are in honour of one Simon Stock of that order, and they may be freelyrendered:—

If down his throat a man should chooseIn fun to jump or slide,He’d scrape his shoes against his teeth,Nor soil his own inside.Or if his teeth were lost and gone,And not a stump to scrape upon,He’d see at once how very patHis tongue lay there by way of mat,And he would wipe his feet on that!

Edgar A. Poe addressed the following puzzle-valentine to a lady, adding, “You will not read the riddle, though you do the best you cando:”—

For her this rhyme is penned whose luminous eyes,Brightly expressive as the twins of Leda,Shall find her own sweet name, that nestling liesUpon the page, enwrapped from every reader.Search narrowly the lines—they hold a treasureDivine—a talisman—an amuletThat must be worn at heart. Search well the measure.

The first letter of the first line, the second of the second, the third of the third, and so on spell the lady’s name—Frances.

A curious optical illusion is illustrated by printing a row of ordinary capital letters and figures which are symmetrical,thus:—

SSSSSXXXXX3333388888

If we glance at them casually it does not strike us that their upper parts are smaller than the lower, but if we turn the paper upside down we are at once surprised to see how marked the difference really is.

Text

At a tavern one nightMessrs More, Strange, and WrightMet, good cheer and good thoughts to exchange.Says More, “Of us threeThe whole town will agreeThere is only one knave, and that’sStrange!”“Yes,” says Strange, rather sore,“I’m sure there’s oneMore,A most terrible knave, and a bite,Who cheated his mother,His sister, and brother.”“Oh yes,” replied More, “that isWright!”

At a tavern one nightMessrs More, Strange, and WrightMet, good cheer and good thoughts to exchange.Says More, “Of us threeThe whole town will agreeThere is only one knave, and that’sStrange!”

“Yes,” says Strange, rather sore,“I’m sure there’s oneMore,A most terrible knave, and a bite,Who cheated his mother,His sister, and brother.”“Oh yes,” replied More, “that isWright!”

(According to the daily Press, a good old-fashioned kiss lately lost favour in some quarters.)

Though a billiard player’s missCannot meet or make a kiss;Though a modern school of missesBe not in the cue for kisses;Chloe’s lips are not amiss,Kismet!I havemet a kiss.

We must not fail to register these two Questions Well Answered, which it is hard to match forexcellence:—

Q.—Why did the fly fly?

A.—Because the spider spied her!

And

Q.—Why did the lobster blush?

A.—Because it saw the salad dressing!

The following puzzling lines were the outburst of the wanton wit of a lover, in his effort to play off one lady against another, and so retain two strings to hisbow:—

I don’t want the one that I don’t want to knowThat I want the one that I want;But the one that I do want wants me to goAnd give up the one I don’t want.Why I don’t want the one that I don’t want to knowThat I want the one that I want,Is because, if the one that I want can’t be so,I shall want the one I don’t want.

I don’t want the one that I don’t want to knowThat I want the one that I want;But the one that I do want wants me to goAnd give up the one I don’t want.

Why I don’t want the one that I don’t want to knowThat I want the one that I want,Is because, if the one that I want can’t be so,I shall want the one I don’t want.

Charles Lamb was responsible for the following ingenious perversion of words, when the Whig associates of the Prince Regent were sore at not obtainingoffice:—

Ye politicians tell me prayWhy thus with woe and care rent?This is the worst that you can say,Some wind has blown the wig away,And left the hair apparent!

We may assume that this was the germ of the riddle “What is the difference between the Prince of Wales, a bald-headed man, and a monkey?” One is theheir-apparent, the second has nohair apparent, and the third is ahairy parent.

When is whiskey an adverb?When it qualifies water.When does a cow become a pronoun?When it stands for Mary.

Can the conjunction “and” be used otherwise than as a connecting link?

Yes, as in the puzzle sentence, “It was and I said not or,” which, if no comma is placed after “said,” no one can read easily at sight.

The tragedy “William Tell” was to be played many years ago at the old Drury Lane Theatre, and an actor, familiarly known as Will, askedthe exponent of the part of Tell, on the eve of its production, whether he thought the play would tell with the critics and the public.

The following question and answer passed between them, in which only two different words were used, in an intelligible sequence of twenty-fivewords:—

Will.—“The question has arisen Tell, ‘will Will Tell tell?’ Will Tell tell Will ‘will Will Tell tell?’”

Tell.—“Tellwilltell Will ‘will Will Tell tell?’ ‘Will Tellwilltell!’”

Many of our readers will enjoy this very clever rendering of a well-knownLimerick:—

There was a young lady of Riga,Who smiled as she rode on a tiger.They returned from the rideWith the lady inside,And the smile on the face of the tiger!Puella Rigensis ridebat,Quam tigris in tergo vehebat;Externa profecta,Interna revecta,Sed risus cum tigre manebat!

There was a young lady of Riga,Who smiled as she rode on a tiger.They returned from the rideWith the lady inside,And the smile on the face of the tiger!

Puella Rigensis ridebat,Quam tigris in tergo vehebat;Externa profecta,Interna revecta,Sed risus cum tigre manebat!

Six sieves of sifted thistles,Six sieves of unsifted thistles,And six thistle sifters.

To be repeated six times rapidly and articulately.

Darkness that may be felt.

The following cryptic notice was posted recently on the green baize notice-board of a West-EndClub:—

O nec ango in ab illiArdor pyram id contestataPotor ac an non.Si deis puto nat timesOra res tu sed.

For some time its message was a mystery, until the sharp eyes of a member deciphered in what seemed to be real Latin, and was made up of Latin words, this English sentence, appropriate to the place:—“One can go in a billiard or pyramid contest at a pot or a cannon. Side is put on at times, or a rest used.”

A QUESTION

How much wood would a wood-chuck chuck,If a wood-chuck could chuck wood?

THE REPLY

The wood that a wood-chuck would chuckIs the wood that a wood chuck could chuck,If the wood-chuck that could chuck would chuck,Or a wood-chuck could chuck wood!

The Capitol was saved of oldBy geese with noisy bill;More sage than silly, birds so boldShould have a mission still.Time was when roving on the loose,A goose would raise my dander;But now I feel each proper gooseShould have her propaganda!

The Capitol was saved of oldBy geese with noisy bill;More sage than silly, birds so boldShould have a mission still.

Time was when roving on the loose,A goose would raise my dander;But now I feel each proper gooseShould have her propaganda!

A man fond of his joke, and speaking of Lenten fare to a friend in a letter,wrote:—

I had a fishIn a dishFrom an Archbish——

leaving it to his ingenuity to complete the broken line. The reply was a clever solution to thepuzzle:—

I had a fishIn a dishFrom an Archbish——’Op is not hereFor he gave me no beer!

The following simple calculation will be amusing to children:—If an even number of coins or sweets are held in one hand, and an odd number in the other, let the holder multiply those in the right hand by 2, and those in the left hand by 3, and add together the two results. If this is an even quantity the coins or sweets in the right hand are even, and in the left odd; if it is odd the contrary is the case.

(To be read or said rapidly.)

Betty bit a bit o’ butter,Bitter bit!But a better bit o’ butterBetty bit!

Eh horn teach myrrh made nose,Buy seize wear awl groat ales;Hear chilled wrens port inn rose,Seek your gain steals oar wails.Sum son there yell oh hare,Sums whim threw sigh leant baize;Sow form sand fay says fareShy never knight sand daze.

Eh horn teach myrrh made nose,Buy seize wear awl groat ales;Hear chilled wrens port inn rose,Seek your gain steals oar wails.

Sum son there yell oh hare,Sums whim threw sigh leant baize;Sow form sand fay says fareShy never knight sand daze.

Porson wrote a Latin epigram on a Fellow of one of the Colleges who always pronounced theaof Euphrates short. This was wittily translatedthus:—

With fear on the Euphrates shoreThe wild waves made him shiver.But he thought to pass more quickly o’er,So heabridged—the river!

All the letters of the alphabet are used in these lines, which have such an easyflow:—

“God gives the grazing ox his meat,And quickly hears the sheep’s, low cry.But man, who tastes his finest wheat,Should joy to lift His praises high.”

A French mother, as she gives to her child a cup of tea to allay its cough,says:—

“Ton thé t’a-t-il oté ta toux?”(Thy tea, has it removed thy cough?)

This sentence, repeated rapidly, is warranted to tire the nimblest tongue.

Why does the cannon ball?Because the Vickers Maxim(the vicar smacks him!)Why is the river Itchen?Because there is a current in its bed.

Dick and Harry meet in a dim hotelpassage:—

Dick.—Did you hear that story about No. 288?

Harry(all ears).—No; what was it?

Dick.—Oh, it’s too gross, too gross entirely!

Harry.—Tell away. I’ll try to stand it.

Dick.—Well; 288istwo gross, isn’t it?

Byron in his “Bride of Abydos” is responsible for the following strangely inconsequentecho:—

Hark to the hurried question of Despair,“Where is my child?” and Echo answers,“Where?”

A well-conducted echo would assuredly have seconded the cry of Despair by repeating the final syllables “my child!”

Why did the Razorbill raise her bill?To let the sea urchin see her chin!

Bene audax.Well bowled!

Here is a modern specimen of Macaronicverse:—

Luce metat ipse sutor(Cantas Orci madentes!)“Qua forum an empti putorPotor tria quarto pes!”

Which reads into Englishthus:—

Lucy met a tipsy suitor(Can’t a saucy maiden tease!)“Quaff o’ rum an empty pewterPot, or try a quart o’ peas!”

LATIN

Puris agem, suetis a sylva bella vi olet indue mos is pura sueta far, amar vel verre ex que sit.

ENGLISH READING

Pure is a gem, sweet is a silver bell, a violet in dewy moss is purer, sweeter far, a marvel very exquisite.

These quaint lines were once addressed to a very tall barrister, named Long, when he wasbriefless:—

“Longè longorum longissime, Longe, virorum,Dic mihi, te quæso, num Breve quicquid habes?”

Thomas Moore, the poet, is responsible for the following rude riddle, and itsreply:—

Why is a pump like Viscount Castlereagh?

Because it is a slender thing of wood,That up and down its awkward arms doth sway,And coolly spout, and spout, and spout away,In one weak, washy, everlasting flood!

Mrs Biggar had a baby. Which was the bigger? The baby was a little Biggar!

Which was the bigger, Mr Biggar or the baby? Mr Biggar was father Biggar!

Mr Biggar died; was the baby then bigger than Mrs Biggar? No, for the baby was fatherless!

Place the sixteen court cards from an ordinary pack in the form of a square, so arranged that no row, no column, and neither of the diagonals shall contain more than one card of each suit, and one of each rank.

As the solution presents no difficulty, but merely calls for patience and attention, we will leave it to the ingenuity of our readers.

A Scottish tradesman had made, as he supposed, about £4,000, but his old clerk produced a balance-sheet which plainly showed £6,000 to his credit. It came upon the old gentleman as quite a disappointing shock when presently the puzzle was solved by the discovery that in the addition the year of Our Lord had been taken into account!

The following ingenious play upon words dates from the days when a promise was made that the Thames pollution should cease in fiveyears:—

In shorter time, kind sir, contriveTo purify our drink;For while your figure is a FiveOur river is a Cinq!

“Mr Smith presents his compliments to Mr Brown, and I have got a hat that is not his, and he has got a hat that is not yours, so no doubt they are the expectant ones!”

This play upon words appeared many years ago in the pages ofPunch, and is worthpreserving:—

To win the maid the poet tries,And sonnets writes to Julia’s eyes.She likes a verse, but, cruel whim,She still remainsaverseto him.

“Si six scies scient six cigares, six cent six scies scient six cent six cigares.”

To be said trippingly without a trip.

If 6 saws cut 6 cigars, 606 saws cut 606 cigars.

Here is a good illustration of the nonsense that may easily result from the misuse ofpunctuation:—

Every lady in the landHas twenty nails on each hand;Five and twenty on hands and feet,This is true without deceit.

“Yes,” said an Eton captain of the boats to his uncle, the admiral, “I can quite believe that the British Jack Tar takes his name from that Latin verb, which is so suggestive of a life on the ocean wave,jactari, to be tossed about.”

A bishop of Sodor and Man found himself entered in the visitor’s book of a French hotel as “L’évêque du siphon et de l’homme!”

They cannot be complete in aughtWho are not humourously prone;A man without a merry thoughtCan hardly have a funny bone.

Though the tough cough and hiccoughMake me hoarse,Through life’s dark lough I ploughMy patient course.

I know Eno, you know too,Fact is we all three know.We know Eno, he knows you.You know I know Eno!

Nicholas, 1828.

He who a watch would wearThis must he do;Pocket his watch, and watchHis pocket too!

Why is a lame dog like a blotting-pad?

A lame dog is a slow pup.

A slope up is an inclined plane.

An ink-lined plane is a blotting-pad!

Mary had a little lamp,Filled with benzoline;Tried to light it at the fire,Has not since benzine!

It is difficult to imagine that the very incarnation of what is wild and forbidding is buried in those words of peace and promise, “On Christmas Eve you rang out Angel peals,” until we find in them the consecutive letters “ourangoutang!”

How many apples were eaten by Adam and Eve? We know that Eve 81, and that Adam 812, total 893. But Adam 8142 please his wife, and Eve 81242 please Adam, total 89,384. Then again Eve 814240 fy herself, and Adam 8124240 fy himself, total 8,938,480!

“Surely, good sir, you follow me?It is as plain as A B C.”“Repeat it in a treble clef,For I am rather D E F!”

Quite unconscious that he was burying a cat in his melodious lines Moorewrote:—

“How sweet the answer Echo makesTo music at night...!”

Fee simple and the simple fee,And all the fees in tail,Are nothing when compared with thee,Thou best of fees, fe-male!

“Sesquipedalia verba,” words a foot and a half long, were condemned by Horace in his “Ars Poetica.” Had he known English, what would he have said of “smiles,” a word so long that there is a mile between its first and last letters?

A Swiss lad asked me, as I stopped quite breathless on an Alpine height, “Do you prefer ‘monter’ to ‘descendre?’” I declared a preference for downhill, but he most convincingly replied, “I prefer ‘mon thé’ to ‘des cendres!’” (my tea to cinders).

Why did the penny stamp?Because the threepenny bit.Why did the sausage roll?Because it saw the apple turn-over.

A budding author something newSubmitting, signed himself X Q.The editor the essay read,And begged he might be X Q Z!

An angry street arab, who seems to have caught the infection of our letter puzzles, was heard recently to call out to a gutter-snipe, “You are a fifty-one ar!” (LIAR.)

Why may you pick an artist’s pocket?—Because he haspictures.

What is the solace for a mind deprest?—Deep rest.

There was a man from YankeelandWho round a walnut treeDid run so fast—that lissome man—His own back he could see!

“Guigne a beau de qui sabot deNid a beau de t’elle?”

Here are all the elements of a rat hunt, expressed in Latin words:—“Sit stillabit,” sed amanto hiscat, “sta redde, sum misi feror arat trito unda minus, solet me terna ferret in micat.” They read into English, if differently pointed, thus:—Sit still a bit, said a man to his cat, stay ready, some mice I fear, or a rat try to undermine us, so let me turn a ferret in, my cat.

It is said that at first Adam thought Eve angelical, but there came a time when they both took to vestments.

If a man says that he forgets what he does not wish to remember, does he mean to say that he does not remember what it is that he wishes to forget; or that he is able to forget that which he does not wish to remember?

Pas qu’il ma, ou qu’il pas?

Marwood!

Pax in bello.The dogs of war.

Here in S X I lies.Killed by X S I dies.

What is the French for teetotaler?—Thé tout à l’heure!

Varietas pro Rege.Change for a sovereign!

“Splendide mendax.”Lying in State.

When Dunlop, in playful mood, said that no one could make a good pun on his name, a smart bystander at once exclaimed, “Lop off the end, and the thing is done!”

Mitte meos super omnes ad candam aut esse homines mortui.

The Dog Latin may be rendered thus: “Send my overalls to the tailor to be mended.”

Some printer’s devil must have been at work when the proof-reader found “The Legend of the Cid,” set up in type as “The leg end of the Kid!”

The perfect Magic Square, for which we have given the construction of two preparatory squares, is formed by placing one of these over the other, so that the numbers in their corresponding cells combine, as is shown below.

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