The residence of the late Dr. Graves in Merrion Square was robbed several years ago, by the thief's entrance at the windows of the front drawing-room, which had been left unfastened. The balcony did not appear accessible by ordinary means, but was easily attained from that of the adjoining house. Brennan was sent to examine the premises, and he at once perceived the traces left by a soiled foot in climbing by the pillars of the hall-door next to Dr. Graves's; he then walked over to the rails of the square, and found marks which satisfied him that some person had recently crossed; amongst the bushes there were a few heaps of twigs, the parings or prunings of the shrubs; and beneath one of them he discovered an excavation orcache, in which was a quantity of the stolen property. At night he lay down at a little distance from the place, and was not long there before a person approached and proceeded to take up the property. At the rails he was giving it to an associate, when, on a signal from Brennan, some other constables came forward, and the burglars were secured. They were subsequently convicted and transported.
I have known several instances in which innocence has derived complete protection, even from the inconvenience of any arrest or personal interference, from the tact and intelligence of members of that force, to which a most greedy appetite for convictions is freely attributed.
About ten years before I became a magistrate, a considerable portion of the County of Cork was a scene of disturbances, which might be fairly termed insurrectionary. Amongst other outrages which were then perpetrated, was the murder of a clergyman, the Rev. Mr. Hewson, who was shot on the high road, and in the open day, in the vicinity of Bandon. No clue was obtained whereby the guilty parties could be discovered, and the offence has never been punished. In the year 1842, a soldier in a regiment stationed at Fredericton, NewBrunswick, stated to his officer that he had been concerned in the crime, and he named two persons as his accomplices; the man was sent home and brought up before me for examination. A detective informed me that he had been, at the period of the murder, orderly to the constabulary officer at Bandon; that he had been at the scene of offence very soon after its commission, and that he wished to be present at the examination of the self-accused prisoner. To this I acceded, and the soldier detailed that on the day and at the hour when the clergyman was murdered, he and two men, whom he named, met the unfortunate gentleman on his way home, that one of them seized his horse, and the other shot him with a blunderbuss; that they immediately fled, and he made a statement of where and how they spent the remainder of the day. The detective, whose name, if I recollect rightly, was Benson, by my permission asked him, "Which of you backed the horse, and overturned the gig into the ditch at the road-side?" to which the reply was, "I did." He then asked, "Which of you cut the traces?" The response was, "L—— did." He proceeded, "Which of you struck the poor woman who saw the murder, for screaming?" He was answered, "P—— did." The interrogator then declared to me that the fellow was telling a tissue of falsehoods, for the horse had not been backed into the grip, and the vehicle was not a gig, but an outside jaunting-car; that the traces had not been cut, neither was any woman near the place assaulted by the murderers. Subsequent inquiries established the fact, that one of the persons accused in the soldier's confession was, at the period of the murder, apprentice to a cabinet-maker in Cork, a reference to whom and to whose books showed that the party sought to be implicated had been in his master's concerns during the day of the assassination, and for a considerable time previous to and after the transaction; and it appeared that the statement had been made for the mere purpose of its fabricator being sent home from service in a regiment with which he was discontented, and in which he had acquired a most disreputable character.
The discharge of magisterial duties with firmness and impartiality occasionally evokes expressions of approbation from those by whom proceedings may have been instituted or closely observed, and may even elicit a complimentary notice from an editorial pen. A deep sense ofgratitudefor the exercise of magisterial functions is not so frequently avowed or ascribed. I am therefore disposed to bring before the reader the circumstances which, in a very public place, produced a compliance with a request of mine, accompanied by the expression, "Anything that I could do for you, Mr. Porter, if it was even to put my hands under your feet, should be a duty and a pleasure, for I can never be too grateful to such a worthy magistrate as you." This was said by a station-master of the Great Southern and Western Railway named Duffy, in 1851, in reply to an application for a coupée carriage for a friend of mine who was going to Cork with his wife and daughter. The guard of the train was directed by Mr. Duffy to be most attentive to the party. My friend subsequently remarked to the guard that the station-master evinced a great anxiety to please me. "So he ought," was the reply; "the poor fellow is married to a real incarnate devil, and Mr. Porter sends her to gaol whenever she is brought before him." Habitual intemperance, with concomitant violence, occasioned the frequent incarcerations for which the delinquent's husband felt so grateful.
About the time to which the last anecdote refers, I was applied to, on a Monday afternoon, by a gentleman who asked and obtained a private interview. He was in a high social position, and possessed an ample fortune. He stated that his wife had lapsed into habits of intemperance which rendered his life wretched, and estranged himfrom association with his friends, to whom he could not bear to have her deplorable tendencies exposed. When inebriated she was excessively violent, and did not hesitate to assault the domestics, and that on the preceding evening she had assaulted, in his presence, a female servant, with a poker. I told him to have her summoned by the servant for the following Thursday, and I had three o'clock mentioned as the hour for hearing the complaint. The lady did not attend, and on proof of the service of the summons and a sworn information of the assault, I issued a warrant for her apprehension. She was brought before me after all the other business of the next day had been finished, and I required her to give bail in two sureties to keep the peace, and in default of such, to be imprisoned for three months. At Grangegorman, she was not compelled to associate with the other prisoners, and the matron's attention was invited to the case. At the termination of the second month, her husband, who had received frequent letters from her, felt confident that she had become reformed, and I discharged her at his instance and on his surety. I afterwards met them frequently in society. I have seen her at viceregal parties, and never observed the slightest appearance of, or tendency to, her former indulgence. I do not believe that she ever relapsed; but whilst I am happy to notice a complete reformation, my satisfaction is alloyed by the reflection that it was the only instance of such a change that I ever knew to occur.
I was frequently invited to the hospitable and joyous table of my cousin, the late Anthony Hawkins of Leopardstown, Stillorgan. On one occasion he entertained about a score of guests, of whom I was unquestionably the senior. Choice viands and generous wines sustained and stimulated the utmost hilarity; and when some of the company expressed apprehensions that further indulgence might bring them under the cognizance of the police, thehost remarked that they would have afriend in court, for it could not be supposed that the jolly old magistrate would lean heavily in the morning on those who had been his boon companions on the preceding evening, and that each of them would get off fora song, which he would suggest to be given in advance. Two young fellows, reminded me that they lived on Merchants' Quay, and as that was in my division, they entertained no fears. The company separated in time to avail themselves of the latest train to Dublin, and the two sparks travelled in the same carriage with me. Neither of them was in the slightest degree "the worse for liquor;" and when we parted at Harcourt Street Station we shook hands, and one said, "Good night, your worship, I hope you'll not be hard on us to-morrow." Next morning I was on duty at Exchange Court, and when the charge sheets from Chancery Lane were laid before me, I was astonished beyond description to find my companions who had bespoken my leniency brought forward on an accusation ofFelony. A constable stated that he had seen one of the prisoners get on the shoulders of the other, and pull down a large gilt salmon, which formed the sign over the door of a fishing-tackle establishment on Essex Quay. On taking down the salmon, they were crossing over to the quay wall when he intercepted them, and with the aid of another policeman and a civilian, he captured and brought them to the station-house. Another witness proved that the prisoners stopped at the door over which the sign was suspended, and that one of them said, "Let us give the poor salmon a swim." This evidence induced me to believe that the transaction was not a deliberate theft, but a wanton, mischievous freak. The proprietor of the shop expressed the same opinion, and urged a summary adjudication. They offered to pay for the sign, as it had been broken by an accidental fall; and the court was convulsed with laughter when the proprietor observed that the salmon had been taken "out of the lawful season." The spree cost the two delinquents the moderate sum of six pounds. The subsequent banterings which they had to endureamongst their festive associates completely deterred them from any further manifestation of fishing propensities.
A friend to whose inspection I submitted the preceding pages suggested that as they detailed many mistakes and peccadillos of others, a reader might consider it an agreeable variety if I inserted a couple of errors peculiarly mine own. In accordance with his opinion I have to mention that shortly after I assumed magisterial duties at Kingstown, the proprietor of an extensive hotel in the immediate vicinity of the police-court received several letters threatening speedy and fatal violence to him and his family, unless certain demands on the part of his waiters, postillions, and carters, were complied with. He was justly incensed and alarmed at such threats, and submitted the obnoxious documents to the consideration of the authorities and to the detective agencies of the police force. His garden wall was close to the yard of the police-court, between which and the sea no building at that time intervened. It happened that an official, connected with the fiscal business of the county of Meath, had embezzled a considerable sum and attempted to abscond, but was captured on shipboard at Kingstown, and committed for further examination. The delinquent had provided himself with a most ample outfit for emigration and residence abroad; and the articles found in his possession were deposited in a room adjoining the police-court and overlooking the hotel garden. Amongst them was a rifled air-gun of great power, and after the business of the court had been disposed of, I was, along with the chief clerk, Mr. Lees, indulging my curiosity by pumping and discharging the weapon. There was a bag of small bullets, of which we directed two or three at the wall of the yard. An unfortunate cat chanced to make her appearance in the hotel garden at a distance of fifty or sixty yards, and exclaiming that "I would give puss a start," I sent a bullet in her direction, without the slightest expectation that the shotwould be fatal. The cat fell dead on the garden walk; we closed the window, locked up the gun and bullets, and departed. Next morning, I was about to commence the charge-sheets, when the proprietor of the hotel applied most earnestly for a private interview. He was greatly agitated, and declared that he felt convinced of his life being in danger from those who threatened to assassinate him. "Your worship," he added, "they are manifestly bent on mischief, for our poor cat was found dead in the garden, and on examination she was found to have been shot. The fellow who killed her, did so only to show that I might expect the same treatment if an opportunity offered for shooting me." The poor man little knew that the weapon which inflicted the injury was in the apartment where he was expressing his direful apprehensions, and that he was seeking the sympathies and protection of him who had done the mischief. I took means, through a particular channel, to disabuse his mind of the feeling that the cat's fate was intended to precede a similar termination to his own existence.
The carriage complaints were usually disposed of at the Head Police Office in a court upon the ground floor. The light was derived from windows opening on a yard, and they were so near to the magisterial bench as to enable its occupant frequently to hear observations and conversations of an extraordinary nature. It was my custom to remain after the carriage cases were heard, and when the criminal charges or summonses were, in the upper court, brought before some of my colleagues. I was thus enabled, in comparative quietude, to prepare reports on memorials referred by the executive or revenue authorities, or perhaps, to enjoy an occasional leisure hour over a magazine or newspaper. When the upper court was crowded, persons would betake themselves to the yard and frequently engage in conversation close to the windows, which in warm weather were generally open; butthere was no indication to those outside of the presence inside of a listener to their communications. In the summer of 1854, I was sitting alone, and reading the latest news from the Crimea, when two women took their stand outside the open window, and one of them proceeded to impart her sorrows to her sympathizing friend. At the time to which I refer, recruiting was very rife in Dublin, and it was not uncommon for us to attest one hundred persons in a week. The utmost vigilance was exercised to prevent or detect desertion, and in the apprehension of deserters, a police sergeant named Barnes had particularly exerted himself, and had consequently received rewards to a considerable amount. This was the reason why his name was introduced into the narrative which I happened to overhear, and which I inscribed on a blank leaf of an interleaved statute. There is not one original idea of mine in the production, and I should not submit it to my readers if I did not consider it essential to the appreciation of the criticism subsequently pronounced by Mr. Barnes.
Musha! Katey Doyle, do you know what?Shure Jem has took the shilling,And off he's gone to Aldershot,It's there he'll get the drilling.The polis now along the Coombe[6]No more will be resisted,And Fordham's Alley's all in gloomSince Jem has took and listed.So have you got a dhrop at all?My sperrits is so sinking,I do not think I'd stop at allIf wanst I take to drinking.The night afore he wint to listI cribb'd his half week's wages,And when the two 'r three hogs[7]he miss'dAt wanst he wint outrageous.Next mornin' to the Linen HallHe goes and takes the bounty;It would not be so bad at allIf he had join'd the County;For they're not gone to foreign parts,And won't encounter dangers,But, just as if to break our hearts,He join'd the Connaught Rangers.The night afore he wint awayHe came to bid "good-bye" there.I thought to get him for to stay,That thrick we couldn't try there,For Barnes was watching, skulking roundWhen Jem and I were parting—That polisman would make a poundOn any boy desarting.I'm shure I'd like to take a quartOf Jameson's distillin',To drink bad luck to all his sort—The tallow-faced ould villin.So Jem is gone to Aldershot,Where 'tis I've no idea;Of coorse it is some desprate spot,Nigh-hand to the Crimea.There's some entrench'd upon a hill,Some hutted in a valley;I'm sure Jem would be better, stillAt home in Fordham's Alley.For the Cossacks now he'll have to stob,Or shoot 'em holus bolus;I'm shure 'twould be an easier jobAt home to face the polis.
Musha! Katey Doyle, do you know what?Shure Jem has took the shilling,And off he's gone to Aldershot,It's there he'll get the drilling.The polis now along the Coombe[6]No more will be resisted,And Fordham's Alley's all in gloomSince Jem has took and listed.So have you got a dhrop at all?My sperrits is so sinking,I do not think I'd stop at allIf wanst I take to drinking.The night afore he wint to listI cribb'd his half week's wages,And when the two 'r three hogs[7]he miss'dAt wanst he wint outrageous.Next mornin' to the Linen HallHe goes and takes the bounty;It would not be so bad at allIf he had join'd the County;For they're not gone to foreign parts,And won't encounter dangers,But, just as if to break our hearts,He join'd the Connaught Rangers.The night afore he wint awayHe came to bid "good-bye" there.I thought to get him for to stay,That thrick we couldn't try there,For Barnes was watching, skulking roundWhen Jem and I were parting—That polisman would make a poundOn any boy desarting.I'm shure I'd like to take a quartOf Jameson's distillin',To drink bad luck to all his sort—The tallow-faced ould villin.So Jem is gone to Aldershot,Where 'tis I've no idea;Of coorse it is some desprate spot,Nigh-hand to the Crimea.There's some entrench'd upon a hill,Some hutted in a valley;I'm sure Jem would be better, stillAt home in Fordham's Alley.For the Cossacks now he'll have to stob,Or shoot 'em holus bolus;I'm shure 'twould be an easier jobAt home to face the polis.
Musha! Katey Doyle, do you know what?Shure Jem has took the shilling,And off he's gone to Aldershot,It's there he'll get the drilling.The polis now along the Coombe[6]No more will be resisted,And Fordham's Alley's all in gloomSince Jem has took and listed.So have you got a dhrop at all?My sperrits is so sinking,I do not think I'd stop at allIf wanst I take to drinking.
Musha! Katey Doyle, do you know what?
Shure Jem has took the shilling,
And off he's gone to Aldershot,
It's there he'll get the drilling.
The polis now along the Coombe[6]
No more will be resisted,
And Fordham's Alley's all in gloom
Since Jem has took and listed.
So have you got a dhrop at all?
My sperrits is so sinking,
I do not think I'd stop at all
If wanst I take to drinking.
The night afore he wint to listI cribb'd his half week's wages,And when the two 'r three hogs[7]he miss'dAt wanst he wint outrageous.Next mornin' to the Linen HallHe goes and takes the bounty;It would not be so bad at allIf he had join'd the County;For they're not gone to foreign parts,And won't encounter dangers,But, just as if to break our hearts,He join'd the Connaught Rangers.
The night afore he wint to list
I cribb'd his half week's wages,
And when the two 'r three hogs[7]he miss'd
At wanst he wint outrageous.
Next mornin' to the Linen Hall
He goes and takes the bounty;
It would not be so bad at all
If he had join'd the County;
For they're not gone to foreign parts,
And won't encounter dangers,
But, just as if to break our hearts,
He join'd the Connaught Rangers.
The night afore he wint awayHe came to bid "good-bye" there.I thought to get him for to stay,That thrick we couldn't try there,For Barnes was watching, skulking roundWhen Jem and I were parting—That polisman would make a poundOn any boy desarting.I'm shure I'd like to take a quartOf Jameson's distillin',To drink bad luck to all his sort—The tallow-faced ould villin.
The night afore he wint away
He came to bid "good-bye" there.
I thought to get him for to stay,
That thrick we couldn't try there,
For Barnes was watching, skulking round
When Jem and I were parting—
That polisman would make a pound
On any boy desarting.
I'm shure I'd like to take a quart
Of Jameson's distillin',
To drink bad luck to all his sort—
The tallow-faced ould villin.
So Jem is gone to Aldershot,Where 'tis I've no idea;Of coorse it is some desprate spot,Nigh-hand to the Crimea.There's some entrench'd upon a hill,Some hutted in a valley;I'm sure Jem would be better, stillAt home in Fordham's Alley.For the Cossacks now he'll have to stob,Or shoot 'em holus bolus;I'm shure 'twould be an easier jobAt home to face the polis.
So Jem is gone to Aldershot,
Where 'tis I've no idea;
Of coorse it is some desprate spot,
Nigh-hand to the Crimea.
There's some entrench'd upon a hill,
Some hutted in a valley;
I'm sure Jem would be better, still
At home in Fordham's Alley.
For the Cossacks now he'll have to stob,
Or shoot 'em holus bolus;
I'm shure 'twould be an easier job
At home to face the polis.
In a week or ten days after I had perpetrated this production, I was sitting in the upper court, when I was informed by the usher that Sergeant Barnes was most anxious to speak to me at my convenience and leisure. I directed that he should be admitted, and he proceeded to request that Mr. Baxter, one of the junior clerks, should be restrained from singing a song which he had picked up somewhere, and occasionally lilted to the other clerks when unemployed, as it was most disrespectful, and even termed him, Sergeant Barnes, "a tallow-faced old villain." I told the complainant that I should certainlyprohibit Baxter from continuing his vocal pastime, as it was calculated to annoy an active and meritorious member of the police force. Barnes expressed his gratitude, and added, "I knew that your worship would never tolerate any of the clerks in abusing or ridiculing us. I readily acknowledge that I have received nearly £30 for detecting and taking deserters, but I would spend every farthing of the amount if I could only discover the author of Mr. Baxter's song, I'd punish him to the utmost severity of the law for writing such a rigmarole about me." In about ten minutes after the interview, the song was torn out of the interleaved statute by the hand that had inscribed it. The sergeant soon after retired from the force on a pension, and was, for several years, in a confidential situation at the premises from which the whisky was considered so desirable to "drink bad luck to all his sort" namely, Jameson's distillery.
FOOTNOTES:[6]A long thoroughfare in the Liberties of Dublin, supposed to have been originally called "The Come."[7]A term used for English shillings, which previous to the change of currency, in 1825, passed in Ireland for thirteen pence each.
[6]A long thoroughfare in the Liberties of Dublin, supposed to have been originally called "The Come."
[6]A long thoroughfare in the Liberties of Dublin, supposed to have been originally called "The Come."
[7]A term used for English shillings, which previous to the change of currency, in 1825, passed in Ireland for thirteen pence each.
[7]A term used for English shillings, which previous to the change of currency, in 1825, passed in Ireland for thirteen pence each.
In the year 1842, I indulged in an excursion to the County of Mayo, and enjoyed a sojourn of a fortnight at the house of a most hospitable friend near Crossmolina. On leaving Dublin, I travelled by rail to Mullingar, and from thence proceeded by the mail-coach to my destination. I may mention here that a few months previous, a transaction had occurred in the vicinity of Strokestown which was of a most unusual, perhaps I might say an exceptional, character in Connaught—namely, the murder of a landlord. I was the sole occupant of the inside of the vehicle, and as the journey was nocturnal, I had severalhours of sound and refreshing sleep. The stoppage of the coach in Strokestown to change horses awakened me, and I lowered the window in order to alight. The door was at once opened for me by a young fellow, who said, "Strokestown, sir." "Oh!" I replied, "this is where you shot Major M——." "Troth it is," said he, "we are all rale docthors here, and when we can't cure, of coorse we kill." Such a jest, although prompt and witty, was not calculated to produce a favorable impression on the mind of a stranger; but during my visit to the West, I did not hear an angry word spoken, nor did I observe any tendency on the part of the humbler classes to treat those in higher positions with hostility or disrespect. I was perfectly pleased with the country and the people, and my friend's hospitality afforded me social gratifications in which there was one novelty which I peculiarly relished. It was a liquor derived from no foreign vineyard, but was so peculiarly Irish as to induce one whom I am certainly not singular in believing to be the greatest lyric poet that ever existed, to make it the subject of song adapted to the joyous and spirit-stirring air of "Paddy O'Rafferty." I shall quote the lines of the immortal Moore as fully justifying the predilection which I have acknowledged for the potation he describes:-
"Drink of this cup—you'll find there's spell inIts every drop 'gainst the ills of mortality;Talk of the cordial that sparkled for Helen,Her cup was a fiction, but this is reality.Would you forget the dark world we are in,Just taste of the bubble that gleams on the top of it;But would you rise above earth, till akinTo Immortals themselves, you must drain every drop of it.Send round the cup—for oh! there's a spell inIts every drop 'gainst the ills of mortality;Talk of the cordial that sparkled for Helen,Her cup was a fiction, but this is reality."Never was philter form'd with such powerTo charm and bewilder as this we are quaffing;Its magic began when, in Autumn's rich hour,A harvest of gold in the fields it stood laughing.There having, by Nature's enchantment, been fill'dWith the balm and the bloom of her kindliest weather,This wonderful juice from its core was distill'dTo enliven such hearts as are here brought together.Then drink of the cup—you'll find there's a spell inIts every drop 'gainst the ills of mortality;Talk of the cordial that sparkled for Helen,Her cup was a fiction, but this is reality."And though, perhaps—but breathe it to no one—Like liquor the witch brews at midnight so awful,In secret this philter was first taught to flow on,Yet 'tisn't less potent for being unlawful.And ev'n though it taste of the smoke of that flame,Which in silence extracted its virtue forbidden,Fill up, there's a fire in some hearts I could name,Which may work too its charm though as lawless and hidden.So drink of the cup—for oh! there's a spell inIts every drop 'gainst the ills of mortality;Talk of the cordial that sparkled for Helen,Her cup was a fiction, but this is reality."
"Drink of this cup—you'll find there's spell inIts every drop 'gainst the ills of mortality;Talk of the cordial that sparkled for Helen,Her cup was a fiction, but this is reality.Would you forget the dark world we are in,Just taste of the bubble that gleams on the top of it;But would you rise above earth, till akinTo Immortals themselves, you must drain every drop of it.Send round the cup—for oh! there's a spell inIts every drop 'gainst the ills of mortality;Talk of the cordial that sparkled for Helen,Her cup was a fiction, but this is reality."Never was philter form'd with such powerTo charm and bewilder as this we are quaffing;Its magic began when, in Autumn's rich hour,A harvest of gold in the fields it stood laughing.There having, by Nature's enchantment, been fill'dWith the balm and the bloom of her kindliest weather,This wonderful juice from its core was distill'dTo enliven such hearts as are here brought together.Then drink of the cup—you'll find there's a spell inIts every drop 'gainst the ills of mortality;Talk of the cordial that sparkled for Helen,Her cup was a fiction, but this is reality."And though, perhaps—but breathe it to no one—Like liquor the witch brews at midnight so awful,In secret this philter was first taught to flow on,Yet 'tisn't less potent for being unlawful.And ev'n though it taste of the smoke of that flame,Which in silence extracted its virtue forbidden,Fill up, there's a fire in some hearts I could name,Which may work too its charm though as lawless and hidden.So drink of the cup—for oh! there's a spell inIts every drop 'gainst the ills of mortality;Talk of the cordial that sparkled for Helen,Her cup was a fiction, but this is reality."
"Drink of this cup—you'll find there's spell inIts every drop 'gainst the ills of mortality;Talk of the cordial that sparkled for Helen,Her cup was a fiction, but this is reality.Would you forget the dark world we are in,Just taste of the bubble that gleams on the top of it;But would you rise above earth, till akinTo Immortals themselves, you must drain every drop of it.Send round the cup—for oh! there's a spell inIts every drop 'gainst the ills of mortality;Talk of the cordial that sparkled for Helen,Her cup was a fiction, but this is reality.
"Drink of this cup—you'll find there's spell in
Its every drop 'gainst the ills of mortality;
Talk of the cordial that sparkled for Helen,
Her cup was a fiction, but this is reality.
Would you forget the dark world we are in,
Just taste of the bubble that gleams on the top of it;
But would you rise above earth, till akin
To Immortals themselves, you must drain every drop of it.
Send round the cup—for oh! there's a spell in
Its every drop 'gainst the ills of mortality;
Talk of the cordial that sparkled for Helen,
Her cup was a fiction, but this is reality.
"Never was philter form'd with such powerTo charm and bewilder as this we are quaffing;Its magic began when, in Autumn's rich hour,A harvest of gold in the fields it stood laughing.There having, by Nature's enchantment, been fill'dWith the balm and the bloom of her kindliest weather,This wonderful juice from its core was distill'dTo enliven such hearts as are here brought together.Then drink of the cup—you'll find there's a spell inIts every drop 'gainst the ills of mortality;Talk of the cordial that sparkled for Helen,Her cup was a fiction, but this is reality.
"Never was philter form'd with such power
To charm and bewilder as this we are quaffing;
Its magic began when, in Autumn's rich hour,
A harvest of gold in the fields it stood laughing.
There having, by Nature's enchantment, been fill'd
With the balm and the bloom of her kindliest weather,
This wonderful juice from its core was distill'd
To enliven such hearts as are here brought together.
Then drink of the cup—you'll find there's a spell in
Its every drop 'gainst the ills of mortality;
Talk of the cordial that sparkled for Helen,
Her cup was a fiction, but this is reality.
"And though, perhaps—but breathe it to no one—Like liquor the witch brews at midnight so awful,In secret this philter was first taught to flow on,Yet 'tisn't less potent for being unlawful.And ev'n though it taste of the smoke of that flame,Which in silence extracted its virtue forbidden,Fill up, there's a fire in some hearts I could name,Which may work too its charm though as lawless and hidden.So drink of the cup—for oh! there's a spell inIts every drop 'gainst the ills of mortality;Talk of the cordial that sparkled for Helen,Her cup was a fiction, but this is reality."
"And though, perhaps—but breathe it to no one—
Like liquor the witch brews at midnight so awful,
In secret this philter was first taught to flow on,
Yet 'tisn't less potent for being unlawful.
And ev'n though it taste of the smoke of that flame,
Which in silence extracted its virtue forbidden,
Fill up, there's a fire in some hearts I could name,
Which may work too its charm though as lawless and hidden.
So drink of the cup—for oh! there's a spell in
Its every drop 'gainst the ills of mortality;
Talk of the cordial that sparkled for Helen,
Her cup was a fiction, but this is reality."
Amongst my convivial friends in Mayo, I expressed my regret that the liquor which I enjoyed so much in their festive society was almost unknown and unattainable in Dublin. In two or three weeks after my return home, I received an anonymous note, stating that a box would be delivered at the Head Police Office, directed to me, and advising that I should not have it opened by any other hands but my own. The box arrived, and was treated according to the suggestion. It contained two jars, each holding two gallons of "the reality." A flat bottle was frequently filled, and conveyed, in my breast-pocket, "to enliven such hearts as I wished to bring together;" but at last I found that the jars were nearly empty. About half a pint remained, and it was never drank. I was aware that the next day was fixed for the hearing of a number of complaints preferred for the evasion or violation of excise laws. I directed the office-attendant to wash and thoroughly cleanse the inkstands, which were on the public table, for the use of parties prosecuting ordefending, and to bring the glasses to me. I procured some ink powder, on which I put the remaining portion of the Mayo "philter," and supplied the stands with excellent ink, well suited for transcribing astrongcharge or aspiriteddefence. It was not inodorous, and I was greatly amused by hearing the excise officers frequently observing to their superior and to their solicitor, that "they smelt illicit spirits." Mr. Morewood and Mr. Stormont also recognised the peculiar smell, and formed various conjectures; but none of the persons engaged ever imagined that the ink in their pens was made upon potteen. Immediately after the termination of the excise cases, one of my colleagues had the inkstands emptied and replenished with the ordinary ink. He said that "it was a fair joke on the gaugers, but when they were gone he could not submit to be tantalised bythe smellwithout any chance of enjoyingthe taste."
I was sitting one day at the police-court in Dublin, along with another magistrate, when a gentleman entered and preferred a very urgent request that one of us would accompany him to Kingstown, to witness and certify the execution of a power of attorney by his mother, in reference to certain funds in the Bank of England. The applicant was reputed to be the natural son of a very distinguished nobleman who had discharged viceregal duties in Ireland, and also in very important and extensive oriental territories. I never heard what the original name of the lady had been, but she was known by the rather inelegantsoubriquetof Moll Raffle. She had followed her aristocratic paramour to Ireland, and he had relieved himself from her claims or importunities by providing her with a husband, and her son with an official appointment of respectable rank and emolument. I had never seen her, and I was influenced by personal curiosity to accede to her son's request. We proceeded to Kingstown, and on arriving at a commodious and genteel residence, he desiredthe servant to inform Mrs. —— that he had brought the magistrate for the business required. In a few minutes she appeared, and although no longer youthful, or even middle-aged, a second look was not necessary to convince me that she must have been exquisitely beautiful in her features, and of a tall and symmetrical figure. Her right arm was bandaged and in a sling, and she exclaimed to her son that she was deeply mortified at having given me the trouble of coming so far on an ineffectual mission, for that she had unfortunately sustained a severe fall, having trodden on a loose stair-rod just after he had started for Dublin, and her wrist and hand were so much bruised as to render her incapable of making her signature. I told her that if she took the pen in her left hand, I would, at her instance and request, guide it so as to write her name, and that I would explain the matter in a special magisterial attestation on the document. To this suggestion she readily acceded, and the power of attorney was promptly perfected. She insisted that I should take luncheon, after which I left. Not having to return to official duties, I sauntered through Kingstown until about four o'clock, when I went to the jetty, which was crowded, as a military band was playing there. I was not long on the jetty before I saw Mrs. —— with half-a-dozen companions, but the sling was gone, and her right hand seemed perfectly capable of managing her parasol. I subsequently ascertained that "Moll Raffle" had never been taught to write, and that she thought it more agreeable to pretend that her hand had been hurt than to acknowledge her educational deficiency.
In the year 1846, the Ribbon association, or fraternity, prevailed very extensively in the city of Dublin, and in the counties of Dublin, Wicklow, Kildare, and Meath. I believe that religious opinions or political tendencies had very little influence on their deliberations or proceedings. All the information that I acquired in reference to them ledme to the conclusion that their temporal interests actuated them throughout. Threats, menaces, and even murderous violence were used without hesitation to deter competition with a ribbon-man in affairs of tenancy, traffic, or employment. I notice these tendencies merely as being connected with a most extraordinary incident at the time. A man named Lacy held a small farm somewhere between Brittas and Blessington, and at an early hour on a Saturday morning, he left home, bringing, with a horse and cart, various commodities for sale in Dublin. Having disposed of his goods, he was about to start for home in the evening. He stopped at a shop in Bride Street to purchase some groceries, and tendered in payment a crown-piece. It was a coin of George the Third's reign, was rather worn, and had acquired a dark and very questionable appearance. The proprietor of the shop pronounced the crown to be base, and used some expressions which irritated Lacy, who replied to them in vituperative terms. The grocer observed a constable passing, and having called upon him, charged Lacy with tendering a base coin. The man was taken to the station-house in Chancery Lane, his horse and cart were sent to a livery stable, and he remained in custody until Monday morning, when the charge was laid before me. Mr. Stuart, of Dame Street, a silversmith, was examined, and in my presence tested the crown. He pronounced it to be perfectly genuine. I accordingly directed the accused party to be discharged from custody, and I was not surprised at his expressions of indignation for having been detained and locked up amongst thieves and disorderly characters, and his horse and cart sent to livery, whilst his family could not but feel alarmed for his safety when he failed to return at the expected time. I directed his horse and cart to be given to him, and that the livery should be defrayed from the police funds. Scarcely had I disposed of the case when Lacy's wife arrived in an indescribable state of joyful excitement. She clasped him in her arms, exclaiming, "You're safe, all is right, thanks to God." She manifested no resentment towards the grocer, but wished himgood luck and prosperity. The cause of her delight may be briefly explained, but it is not the less extraordinary. Her husband had incurred the resentment of the ribbon-men of his vicinity, by offering for land against one of the fraternity. On the Saturday night an armed party entered his house for the purpose of killing him, but their diabolical design was thwarted by the circumstance of their intended victim being in custody of the Dublin Police, upon an unfounded, but certainly not an unfortunate accusation. His family had communicated with the constabulary, lest the intended assassination might be perpetrated on his journey home, and early on Monday morning his wife started in search of him with the result which has been stated.
For several years subsequent to my appointment to magisterial office, there were two houses in Great Ship Street, on the side now entirely occupied by the barrack, which were appropriated to the accommodation of crown witnesses. There was an internal communication between those houses, and the witnesses, of both sexes, were allowed to associate free from all supervision, except what served to keep them from leaving the premises, unless accompanied by an attendant, and examining letters received or despatched by them. Their meals were generally taken together; and for the amusement or employment of their evenings, they were left entirely to themselves. Amongst those witnesses almost every variety of character was to be found. A young man, whose name has lapsed from my recollection, was charged by a female with attempting to commit an offence which I need not particularise, and I was directed to investigate the affair at the premises, without imparting to it any avoidable publicity. The accused party denied the misconduct imputed to him, and attributed the charge to spite and resentment on the part of the complainant and another inmate of the place. A woman stated that "the girl was vexed by the questionsput to her, and the faults found with her evidence every time that her case was tried." I was greatly surprised to find that the crown witnesses were accustomed to have their evidence rehearsed before an amateur judge, an improvised jury, and a couple of supposed counsel, one to prosecute and the other to defend. If a case failed, the witnesses were instructed as to their deficiencies, either in manner or matter; and they were drilled to avoid admissions of any nature calculated to weaken their testimony. I made such representations to the Executive as produced the suppression of the Ship Street establishments.
Very soon after my appointment to the police magistracy, there was a person named Jones convicted of being deeply implicated in the Ribbon system. He was not committed for trial from the Head Office, and I was not officially connected with any of the proceedings in his case. After he had been sent to another hemisphere under sentence of transportation, I heard casually from a professional man, on whose statements I placed the utmost reliance, that Jones had acknowledged to him being the person by whom the statue of King William in College Green was blown up in 1836. There was no prosecution instituted as to that extraordinary affair, and I notice it only on account of the statements subsequently made, and an incident which may be considered of an amusing character. Two women of a disreputable class were standing at the corner of Church Lane in College Green just after midnight. A man whom they had not previously observed, descended quickly from the statue, and having crossed the rails which then intervened between the pedestal and the thoroughfare, he ignited a fuse which had been previously connected with some explosive substance placed between the figures of the steed and the rider. The man rapidly decamped, the fuse burned quickly, and there was an explosion which was heard in almost every part of thecity, and by which the figure of the monarch was completely separated from his horse, and thrown into the public carriage-way, several yards from the pedestal. It was reported that a respectable citizen residing in the immediate vicinity, who had been suffering for some time previous from disease of the heart, rose from his bed in hasty alarm, and almost immediately dropped lifeless. Jones, according to the statement of my informant, subsequently tried to cut the head off the prostrate figure, but was deterred by the approach of a party of police from College Street. I believe that those who examined the figures of man and horse expressed a decided opinion that the explosion had not been effected by gunpowder, and the statements of the acknowledged delinquent denied that gunpowder had been used, but without his specifying what material had effected such an extraordinary result.
In the year 1836, Lord Mulgrave, afterwards Marquis of Normanby, was Lord Lieutenant of Ireland. He had an aide-de-camp, a Captain B——, who has since supplemented that name by another commencing with O. That gentleman then was, and has since continued to be, a most desirable addition to any social or convivial re-union in which wit and comic humor were appreciated. On the night of the explosion, Captain B—— was returning from some festive scene, and reached College Green, on his way to the Castle, a few minutes after the occurrence. He instantly ordered his driver to make for Merrion Square as quickly as possible, and to stop at the residence of Crampton, who was the first surgical practitioner of the time, and who was very generally considered to have a most persistent anxiety to establish acquaintance and even intimacies amongst the aristocracy. Captain B—— applied himself to the knocker and door-bell until he had completely roused every inmate of the house, and to the first who enquired the reason for his urgent application, he replied, "To let Surgeon Crampton know that a verydistinguished personage had fallen from his horse in College Green, and sustained serious injuries." The hoax was successful. Crampton proceeded with the utmost haste to the place designated, and subsequently he caused considerable surprise by becoming the frequent narrator of the trick to which he had been subjected.
In offering to my readers an incident or anecdote, I have the advantage of being free from any necessity for a consecutive arrangement. My recollections may suggest occurrences anterior to some already narrated without precluding me from a description of them. About the time, however, to which I have last adverted, I was residing in Lower Fitzwilliam Street, and a young lady, a near relative of my wife, was a frequent visitor. She was decidedly handsome, and possessed other attractions of no inconsiderable value. Her admirers were numerous, and amongst them there was no more ardent suitor than a Mr. Richard S——. He was an accomplished gentleman, of handsome countenance and fine portly figure. He sang very well, and almost always adapted his voice to the music of his own guitar. His family was of high respectability in a southern county, but some banking speculations had seriously diminished their financial resources. His addresses were most ardently directed, but the fair lady was not to be won. She was informed that her admirer supported himself by some employments or agencies in the corn trade. He was refused, and almost immediately disappeared from Irish society. When I resigned the police magistracy in 1861, I was invited by my friend, the late Marcus Costello, to visit him at Gibraltar, at which place he held the office of Attorney-General. In a few weeks after my arrival there, he told me that some Spanish officers of high distinction were to cross from Algesiras, to visit the fortress and see the extraordinary productions of nature and art which are there so abundantly displayed. I accompanied him and several other functionaries to theGovernor's residence, at which, amidst the firing of salutes and other manifestations of respect, the Spanish officers were received. The principal personage amongst them was highly decorated. He had distinguished himself in the then recent warfare with the Moors, and was a general in the army, besides holding an important provincial office which, as well as I recollect, caused him to be designated "Intendente." To my great astonishment, Don Ricardo de S. advanced to me, preferred his hand, enquired about many of his old acquaintances, and enabled me to recognise the quondam guitar performer, whose personal qualities and capabilities had been better appreciated abroad than in his native land. I may, in some later pages, have occasion to refer to other recollections of Gibraltar.
About the time of my accession to magisterial office, a sale was advertised of two properties on the river Blackwater. The descriptions specified two fine mansions, with the adjuncts of extensive stabling, gardens, ornamental plantations, and such a number of acres suited for pasture or tillage as would fairly entitle each place to be considered a demesne worthy of the attention of all who desired a residence fit for high rank and liberal expenditure. The advertisements stated the properties to be beautifully picturesque, and as affording ample means to the sportsman for the gratification of all his tastes or inclinations. But public attention was peculiarly excited by the announcement that the sale by auction would be conducted at Morrison's in Dawson Street, by the far-famed London auctioneer,George Robins. Not being the least curious of the community, I betook myself to the place appointed, and found the room crowded at the hour of one o'clock,P.M.George allowed fifteen or twenty minutes to elapse before he appeared and offered an apology for his delay, as having been occasioned by the breaking down of a vehicle. He then proceeded to address his auditors in a tone of, perhaps assumed, despondency and discontent, to thefollowing effect:—"Ladies and gentlemen, I feel deeply mortified at having to submit for public competition these properties, of which I have not the slightest personal knowledge. I regret having accepted the engagement, which I am decidedly unable to discharge to my own satisfaction. It was my intention to have viewed the houses and lands, so as to know what I could truly state; but I was unfortunately detained in London, until it became impossible for me to run down to Mallow or Youghal before the auction. I think it very probable that I shall take an early opportunity to see the places which I am now about to sell. My curiosity has been excited greatly by two gentlemen who travelled in the coach with me on my journey through Wales. They knew me; and in the course of our conversation, I mentioned that I was proceeding to Dublin to sell these two properties on the Blackwater. They stated that they knew the places perfectly well, and that I might expect a brisk competition. As we passed through the lovely scenery of Llangollen, Clwyd, and some other enchanting places, I expressed the most unqualified admiration of landscapes uniting all the beauties which hill and valley, wood and water, towering rooks and verdant glens can present to the view of a delighted traveller. My companions did not join in my fervent appreciation of the Welsh scenery. They said that it was certainly agreeable to the eye, but when compared with that of some other localities, it did not surpass mediocrity. When I reiterated my opinion that I had never previously viewed such beautiful landscapes, they replied thatif I only took a glance at the places on the Blackwater, which I was going over to sell, they would monopolise my admiration, and convince me of the utter inferiority of the most picturesque portion of Wales. I have consequently a very great desire to see the two splendid demesnes which I must now offer for your competition." I do not insist on my readers giving implicit credence to the tale about the travelling companions. Whoever disbelieves it will not be singular.
I had the pleasure of being intimately acquainted with the late Thomas Symes of Leinster Street. He was a solicitor of the highest respectability, and was an universal favorite in a very extensive circle. He had travelled much, especially in the southern parts of Europe; and few foreigners from those localities, if of rank or consideration, came to Dublin without experiencing his attentions. Amongst those whom I met at his house, there was only one in whom I observed a tendency to make statements which were worthy of observation and productive of amusement from the total absence of any truthful ingredient. He was a Greek, and was also a Count, and not a Baron, so that he could not be mistaken for a personage of the latter dignity, whose name commenced with the same letter. Count M—— was not the veritable Baron Munchausen, but he was decidedly his rival in demands on the credulity of those who heard his asservations. He never spoke to the disparagement of any human being except Otho, who was then King of Greece, and whom he occasionally expressed a wish to burn. He spoke English and some other languages with wonderful fluency, and no matter what subjects appeared most agreeable to any company, the Count never failed to introduce and expatiate on the surprising intelligence ofRats, and he invariably closed each anecdote with a declaration that "upon his sacred word of honor it was strictly true."
"I was obliged," said he, "to leave Athens by the tyrannical persecution of Otho, and I betook myself to Zante, in which island I possessed extensive currant grounds and olive plantations. In our oil cellar we had a large tun and a great number of jars and flasks, which were generally well filled. We found, however, that the jars and bottles prepared for corking and sealing in the evening were lessened by some inches as to their contents in the morning. Having closely and quietly watched, we found that the rats took it in turn to let down their tails into the vessels, so asto enable the others to lick off the oil thus abstracted. The store tun appeared to be full to the bung-hole; but when the contents were drawn off for refining, we discovered that the rats had kept the oil up to the orifice by dropping pebbles into the vessel. I pledge you my sacred word, &c.
"I was one day strolling through the currant grounds, and provided with an excellent fowling-piece, in the hope of meeting with quail. I was near to a small stream, when I observed two rats approaching the water. They were so close together that their sides appeared to be touching, and I killed both in one shot. On going to the spot where they were lying, I immediately perceived that one rat was blind, and between them there was a little straw blade, of which each had held an end in his mouth. It was thus that the blindness of one was productive of sagacious care and attention in the other. I pledge you," &c.
I have lately observed that the Count is mentioned in The Life and Recollections of the Hon. Granville Berkeley, but without any allusion to the extraordinary tendencies and dexterous expedients which, amongst us, he attributed to such hateful vermin.
Amongst my personal recollections, there is one which I hope to narrate without ruffling or alarming the most sensitively delicate of my readers, although amongst the prominent characters of the scene about a dozen belonged to the most wretched and degraded portion of the female sex, and dwelt in a mean, loathsome, and disreputable locality named Cole Alley, which was, and perhaps still continues to be, occupied by denizens of a similar description. I shall apply to them the term adopted by Hood in his exquisite production of "The Bridge of Sighs," and designate them "unfortunates." I had been a magistrate for three or four years, when I was one day informed by the attendant of the police-court that a deputation offemales from Cole Alley earnestly besought me to give them an audience. My colleagues were amused at the application, and ironically congratulated me on such an exclusive preference; but I determined to accede to the request, and directed them to be admitted. About twelve of them entered the court, and amidst the "unfortunates" I perceived a female child of ten or eleven years of age. The spokeswoman of the party led this child forward, and addressed me to the following effect:—
"Yer worship, this poor little girl was born in the alley. She was not quite a year old when the collar (cholera) made a great sweep up there, and took off her mother, who was one of us. The child had no one to care her, so we agreed to do the best we could for her, and we gave her a bit of food, a rag or two to cover her, and she lived about among us, so that we used to call her our own child. But now, yer worship, we see that she is coming to a time of life when to stay in the alley would be her destruction. We are doatingly fond of her, and it would be a heartscald to us all to think of her ever falling into our course of life. We would beg of you to have her put into some school or institution where she will be reared in decency, and trained to earn honest bread."
I at once stated to "the deputation" that I should do my utmost to realize their wishes, and that they might leave the child to my care. They embraced her most affectionately, and with the warmest thanks for my compliance, they departed. The Poor Law Unions had not been organized at the time, and I sent the child on a remand committal to the worthy matron of Grangegorman Prison, Mrs. Rawlins, with a note explaining the circumstances, and requesting that the little girl should be kept apart from the juvenile delinquents. My wishes were strictly complied with. On the following day, I dined at Portrane with the worthy George Evans. I mentioned the transaction to him, and he communicated it to his sister, Mrs. Putland. That lady was an impersonation of charity, and at once offered to have the "child of the alley" placed in one of the many institutions which she contributed tosupport. I regret that I am unable to state any further results, having omitted to make ulterior enquiries, but I have always considered the earnest application, perhaps I might fairly term it thesupplication, of the Cole Alley "unfortunates" as the strongest acknowledgment, offered sincerely and spontaneously, byViceof the superiority ofVirtue.
A female of the class to which I have adverted was an inmate of one of the many disreputable houses which constituted almost the entire of a street on the south side of Dublin. It was called "French Street" but the obnoxious establishments having been suppressed, it is now designated "Upper Mercer Street." An English commercial traveller betook himself to the house in which the "unfortunate" resided. He was in a fearful state ofdelirium tremens; and having been refused a further supply of liquor, he took out a pistol, and shot the "unfortunate," lodging two bullets in her body. He was seized, and the woman was conveyed to Mercer's Hospital, which was in the immediate vicinity. Her wounds did not prove mortal, the balls were extracted; but whilst her recovery was uncertain, I went several times to the hospital for the purpose of taking her informations. She never expressed any resentment against her assailant, and she refused to prosecute him. Some of his family and friends contributed about £20, which sum was paid to her a few days before she was discharged, and she appropriated it to defray the expenses of her emigration. I was informed by the attendants that she often spoke ofthe lucky shot, by which she was enabled to quit a course of sin and degradation, and to essay a new life in a new land. This occurred, I think, in the year 1843.
In 1844 there was the most intense excitement amongst all classes, sects, and parties of the Irish community, arising from the prosecutions instituted by the Attorney-General, Thomas Berry Cusack Smith against O'Connell and several others for various alleged violations of the laws in their meetings, publications and other proceedings adopted by them to promote a repeal of the Union. The preliminary informations were sworn before a judge, and none of the police magistrates were called upon to interfere, in any way whatever, from the commencement to the conclusion of the affair. On the 30th of May, the accused were sentenced to certain terms of imprisonments and fines, and they were liberated on the reversal of the judgment by the House of Lords, on the 6th September. A few days before the sentence was pronounced, I dined in company with Mr. John O'Connell, when he stated that they expected to be sent to Newgate or Kilmainham, I advised him to have a special application made to the court to order the imprisonment in the Richmond Bridewell, which was cleanly and spacious, and where they might have access to two extensive gardens. My suggestion was adopted, and the prisoners were sent by a circuitous route, avoiding the great thoroughfares of the city, to the bridewell. In the evening I was going home to my residence in Rathmines, when I overheard a woman loudly expressing to a number of sympathetic listeners, her hearty detestation and curse upon all "who had any hand in sending the Liberator to the same place as that to which Porter sendshis blackguards."
Thomas Berry Cusack Smith, the Attorney-General, had been nicknamed, "Alphabet Smith," from the multiplicity of his names, and when the judgment of the Queen's Bench was reversed, a ballad appeared to the tune of "The Shan van vocht." A police inspector askedmy opinion as to the prevention of it being chanted by the street vocalists, and I advised him against making it more known and more relished by the multitude, as it would be by his interference. It is as follows:—