THE OLD MEMBER
I willgo down to the House againAnd sit—in the smoking room,And brood, with a friend with a first-class brain,In a state of abysmal gloom:And all I’ll ask is a tall glass,A pipe and a game of chess;For the country’s gone to the dogs, my lass,And who’s to clean up the mess?(Fortissimo)The country’s simply going to blazes.Who’s to swab up the mess?I will go down to the House once moreAnd there—in the smoking room,I’ll wait (with old boon-fellows three or four)For the sound of the bell of doom:And all I’ll ask is a tall WhipTo meet me on Charon’s boat,And hurriedly whisper “We’re Ayes” (or “Noes”)That I may know how to vote.(Sotto voce)I just can’t follow this modern crazeFor understanding your vote!I shall come back to the House one nightFrom a somewhere neighbouring tomb,Peep in on the scene of the age-long fight,And pass—to the smoking room:And all I’ll ask is a tall ghostIn the corridor’s darkling gloam,Crying “Hats off, Strangers,” “Make way for the Speaker,”And (mournfully) “Who goes Home?”(Pianissimo)The Dead troop back to the Abbey each night,To the sound of that “Who goes Home?”
I willgo down to the House againAnd sit—in the smoking room,And brood, with a friend with a first-class brain,In a state of abysmal gloom:And all I’ll ask is a tall glass,A pipe and a game of chess;For the country’s gone to the dogs, my lass,And who’s to clean up the mess?(Fortissimo)The country’s simply going to blazes.Who’s to swab up the mess?I will go down to the House once moreAnd there—in the smoking room,I’ll wait (with old boon-fellows three or four)For the sound of the bell of doom:And all I’ll ask is a tall WhipTo meet me on Charon’s boat,And hurriedly whisper “We’re Ayes” (or “Noes”)That I may know how to vote.(Sotto voce)I just can’t follow this modern crazeFor understanding your vote!I shall come back to the House one nightFrom a somewhere neighbouring tomb,Peep in on the scene of the age-long fight,And pass—to the smoking room:And all I’ll ask is a tall ghostIn the corridor’s darkling gloam,Crying “Hats off, Strangers,” “Make way for the Speaker,”And (mournfully) “Who goes Home?”(Pianissimo)The Dead troop back to the Abbey each night,To the sound of that “Who goes Home?”
I willgo down to the House againAnd sit—in the smoking room,And brood, with a friend with a first-class brain,In a state of abysmal gloom:And all I’ll ask is a tall glass,A pipe and a game of chess;For the country’s gone to the dogs, my lass,And who’s to clean up the mess?(Fortissimo)The country’s simply going to blazes.Who’s to swab up the mess?
I willgo down to the House again
And sit—in the smoking room,
And brood, with a friend with a first-class brain,
In a state of abysmal gloom:
And all I’ll ask is a tall glass,
A pipe and a game of chess;
For the country’s gone to the dogs, my lass,
And who’s to clean up the mess?
(Fortissimo)
The country’s simply going to blazes.
Who’s to swab up the mess?
I will go down to the House once moreAnd there—in the smoking room,I’ll wait (with old boon-fellows three or four)For the sound of the bell of doom:And all I’ll ask is a tall WhipTo meet me on Charon’s boat,And hurriedly whisper “We’re Ayes” (or “Noes”)That I may know how to vote.(Sotto voce)I just can’t follow this modern crazeFor understanding your vote!
I will go down to the House once more
And there—in the smoking room,
I’ll wait (with old boon-fellows three or four)
For the sound of the bell of doom:
And all I’ll ask is a tall Whip
To meet me on Charon’s boat,
And hurriedly whisper “We’re Ayes” (or “Noes”)
That I may know how to vote.
(Sotto voce)
I just can’t follow this modern craze
For understanding your vote!
I shall come back to the House one nightFrom a somewhere neighbouring tomb,Peep in on the scene of the age-long fight,And pass—to the smoking room:And all I’ll ask is a tall ghostIn the corridor’s darkling gloam,Crying “Hats off, Strangers,” “Make way for the Speaker,”And (mournfully) “Who goes Home?”(Pianissimo)The Dead troop back to the Abbey each night,To the sound of that “Who goes Home?”
I shall come back to the House one night
From a somewhere neighbouring tomb,
Peep in on the scene of the age-long fight,
And pass—to the smoking room:
And all I’ll ask is a tall ghost
In the corridor’s darkling gloam,
Crying “Hats off, Strangers,” “Make way for the Speaker,”
And (mournfully) “Who goes Home?”
(Pianissimo)
The Dead troop back to the Abbey each night,
To the sound of that “Who goes Home?”
W. H. Smith & Son, The Arden Press Stamford Street, London, S.E.I
Transcriber’s NoteThe cover image was created by the transcriber and placed in the public domain.The following changes were made to the text as printed:Page ix: “twin appellations of McVitie and Price” changed to “twin appellations of McVittie and Price”4: “coordinating against the Central Planets” changed to “co-ordinating against the Central Planets”17: “inevitably predecease this montrosity” changed to “inevitably predecease this monstrosity”18: “Poor Count Puffendorf Seidlitz” changed to “Poor Count Puffendorff Seidlitz”85: ““Solicitin’, you was” changed to “Solicitin’, you was”88: “A terriffic crash and splintering” changed to “A terrific crash and splintering”118: “ante-room of a public hall at Pueblo” changed to “anteroom of a public hall at Pueblo”125: “ACT I” added136: “The conjuror concludes” changed to “The conjurer concludes”161: “She’s turned again us” changed to “She’s turned against us”175: “the uneviable position of a Junior Staff Officer” changed to “the unenviable position of a Junior Staff Officer”178: “The Chief Whip, despite his reponsibilities” changed to “The Chief Whip, despite his responsibilities”196: “ink-wells have been known to fly” changed to “inkwells have been known to fly”203: “the same building though separated by a mere matter” changed to “the same building, though separated by a mere matter”
Transcriber’s Note
The cover image was created by the transcriber and placed in the public domain.
The following changes were made to the text as printed:
Page ix: “twin appellations of McVitie and Price” changed to “twin appellations of McVittie and Price”
4: “coordinating against the Central Planets” changed to “co-ordinating against the Central Planets”
17: “inevitably predecease this montrosity” changed to “inevitably predecease this monstrosity”
18: “Poor Count Puffendorf Seidlitz” changed to “Poor Count Puffendorff Seidlitz”
85: ““Solicitin’, you was” changed to “Solicitin’, you was”
88: “A terriffic crash and splintering” changed to “A terrific crash and splintering”
118: “ante-room of a public hall at Pueblo” changed to “anteroom of a public hall at Pueblo”
125: “ACT I” added
136: “The conjuror concludes” changed to “The conjurer concludes”
161: “She’s turned again us” changed to “She’s turned against us”
175: “the uneviable position of a Junior Staff Officer” changed to “the unenviable position of a Junior Staff Officer”
178: “The Chief Whip, despite his reponsibilities” changed to “The Chief Whip, despite his responsibilities”
196: “ink-wells have been known to fly” changed to “inkwells have been known to fly”
203: “the same building though separated by a mere matter” changed to “the same building, though separated by a mere matter”