We once knew a pastor of a prominent city church who lived adjacent to a small park where he was accustomed, at times, to sit in the shade and read. After a baby came into their home, being a sensible man, he found pleasure in giving some time and attention to his child; used sometimes to wheel it through the park in a baby carriage, or have the carriage stand near him while he sat and read. His home was not without a sufficient number of helpers, and one of his parishioners ventured one day to suggest that it was not becoming to take the baby with him when he went into the park to read; but the sensible father resented not only the insult which was offered to him personally, but to universal fatherhood, by replying that it was his baby, and he would do with it as he pleased.
The presence of a baby is a blessing in any home. It is a blessing to the father as well as to the mother. Some men are not good fathers, the same as some women are not the best of mothers; but any thoughtful husband will concede the fact that a proper apprehension of the relation which he sustains to the baby that is born in his home calls for a recognition of the privileges and obligations of a father to himself, to his child, and to his wife as well. What his home is, what his children are to become, will depend as much, and possibly more, upon what he is and does, than upon the little woman whose time, talent and strength are already taxed to their utmost by the various and constant demands which she must hourly meet.
Part III
CONCERNING HIS CHILDREN
Wenow come in the third and last part of this book to write of what a young husband ought to know with regard to his children. If his children are to be greatly benefited by the wisdom of the father, he should be in possession of the knowledge imparted in the following chapters many years before he is in possession of the children. After they have received their inheritance from the parents, their bodies have been molded and fashioned, and bent and direction already given to their character, it is then too late to put such knowledge into practical use.
Much of what might be said in the closing chapters of this book has already found expression in the pages preceding. The doctrine of transmission and inheritance pervades not only this entire book, but also the two which precede it in the series. While it is true that too much importance cannot be placed upon the subject of heredity, the inheritance which we receive not only from our parents and grandparents but even from our great-grandparents, and while it is true that all that can be acquired in character and culture, both intellectual and physical, is transmitted from the parents to their children; yet possibly thatwhich is by far the largest factor in determining the physical, intellectual, social and moral endowment of the child are found in the influences which mold and fashion the child during the months which lie between the period of conception and the time of birth. The potent influences of these different periods stand related to each other somewhat like what may be seen in the studio of an artist who molds and fashions in clay the models which are afterward to be actualized in brass or bronze. While the success of the work might be said to be greatly dependent upon the character, quality and condition of the clay brought to hand for this service, and while no perfect result could be secured with indifferent material, yet it is easy to see how, with the very best material at hand, an indifferent artist or a good artist when in indifferent mood would produce a very inferior model. If, with the thought of modifying the bronze figure after it has been cast, the artist is indifferent to the merits of the model which he is making, the final result can only prove a failure. No step in the work is unimportant, but the most important of all is the perfection of the model. In his hands the clay readily yields itself to his thought and impression; constant momentary care will prevent defects and deformities which could not be wholly remedied or refashioned, even by months and years of subsequent toil.
A wise man, when asked at what period a child's education should begin, replied:"Twenty years before it is born." This is not an extreme statement, and if it errs in anything it errs in making the period too short rather than too long. Henry Ward Beecher once said that since so much depends upon one's ancestors, a man ought to be very careful in choosing his grandparents; and there is a vast deal of truth suggested by this statement. A young woman cannot be too careful in choosing the man who is to become the father of her children, and a young man cannot exercise too much care in selecting the woman who is to become the mother of his children.
In writing of heredity and prenatal influences, the subject divides itself naturally into the three periods which we have previously suggested—the preparation which precedes conception, the mental and physical condition at the time of conjunction, the environment and the mental and physical states of the mother during the period of gestation.
So much depends upon heredity that men who are interested in the breeding of horses for the race-course recognize the fact that unless a horse comes of racing stock he cannot be possessed of these essential qualities, without which he cannot possibly win. It is said by those who have made a study of it, that in England no horse has been known to win in any considerable race that was not bred of racing stock. Occasionally a horse with an ordinary pedigree may exhibit wonderful speed for ashortdistance, but none possesses the wind and endurance necessary for a long race with animals of a pure blood and a good pedigree. To this good inheritance the horseman adds constant training and the best of care. If these are at any time neglected, the horse begins to degenerate and reverts to the level of the ordinary animal.
It is generally agreed by physicians and those who have devoted time to the study of this subject that the mind and temper of the parents at the moment of conjunction have a great influence upon the temper and disposition of the child. Children should never be begotten except at those times when the husband and the wife can both bring their contribution of good health, affection and mental composure. Something of the effects produced by the mental states will appear by what we have to say in subsequent paragraphs.
In most instances it is perhaps true, as we have already suggested, that the greatest influences exerted upon the health, disposition and character are those which are effected by the physical and mental condition of the mother and the character of her environment during the period of gestation. While much of what we would like to know concerning prenatal influences is shrouded in mystery behind a veil that shuts us out from this holy of holies in which God dwells in mysterious creative power, yet we do know that peace of mind, equanimity of temper, purity of life, loving affections and exalted aspirations beget influences which arefavorable to the production of the best physical, intellectual and moral endowments. If strong mental excitement, anger, emotion or fatigue affect injuriously the milk of the mother, so that the nursing child at once feels disturbed and injured, then we can reasonably understand how the child during the months prior to its birth, while it is even more dependent and far more intimately connected with the life-currents of the mother's body, and under the impress of her mental state, must be affected in a manner correspondingly greater.
While scientists at the present stage of inquiry and investigation have not been able to weigh and measure the force and effect of these influences, yet some results have been secured which help us to understand the existence of powers which were previously too subtle to be brought into the realm of human knowledge.
Something of the manner in which the mental condition of the mother may affect the child is suggested by the interesting experiments conducted by Prof. Elmer Gates in his laboratory at Chevy Chase, Washington, D. C. Prof. Gates has demonstrated the fact that even the breath is so affected by the mental state that by analyzing the residuum which remains upon a looking-glass which has been breathed upon, he is able to determine the character of the mental condition of the individual at the time the breath was exhaled upon the glass. Anger, revenge, jealousy, joy, pain, pleasure, and possibly all the emotions, stamp their distinctivemessages upon the breath with as much accuracy as the little machine in the telegraph office registers its message in characters which we need only to know in order to be read. What some of these many characters are, Prof. Gates has been able to decipher, and his investigations and discoveries establish the fact that the mentality of the individual is stamped upon the breath.
The mind not only affects the breath, but it affects the entire individual; and this statement is proven by the fact that the character of the exhalations of the body are affected by the mentality of the individual. It is a well-known fact that not only does each different disease produce its own peculiar bodily odor, but mental states produce similar effects. It is affirmed that the odor in an insane asylum differs from the odor in all other institutions. It is stated that no amount of care and cleanliness, or even fumigation, can rid the wards and rooms of this subtle and distinctive odor, peculiar to the bodily exhalations of those who are affected with mental infirmities.
Insane asylums do not afford the only illustration. Institutions in which convicts are confined also have an odor which is distinctive. It differs from that of any other institution, and from the day that the buildings are completed and the convicts enter, the penitentiary odor is present, because inseparable from those who inhabit its wards. What is true of insane asylums and penitentiaries is doubtless true ina less pronounced manner of all institutions where persons are classified according to mental differences.
If the mental states of the mother affect her own bodily health, and if each of the diseases of the body and of the mind begets exhalations with distinguishing characteristics, it is easy to understand that the subtle effects of different mental states pervade the entire body. If these influences effect results beyond and without our own bodies, much more may they be expected to influence the unfolding mind and the developing body which are forming within the maternal body, and whose intimate dependence upon her seems to make them a part of her own person and individuality.
Something of these subtle laws of heredity was known even to the ancients, but the greatest acquisitions of knowledge along these lines have come to mankind during the past two centuries. Thomas Andrew Knight, who was born at Wormley Grange, England, in 1758, and died in 1836, accomplished such large results with vegetables, fruits and domestic animals, that he has quite properly been considered the founder of the science of horticulture. It was he who put into practice the principles which have resulted in giving us the improved apples, pears and many other fruits which have been developed from the unpalatable wild varieties. The effects later accomplished by Bakewell in the marvelous improvements in the new Leicester sheep afford one of many strikingillustrations. It is said that in the results effected by scientific breeders "it would seem as if they had at first drawn a perfect form and then given it life." Having first determined what form of sheep they preferred, they continued to select from the flocks those which most nearly approached the model, until they attained results which in their standard of perfection were greatly removed from the original type.
If you compare the wild boar of the forests with the improved breeds of swine, the results which have been secured become very manifest. An excellent judge of pigs says: "Pigs' legs should be no longer than just to prevent the animal's belly from trailing on the ground. The leg is the least profitable portion of the hog, and we therefore require no more of it than is absolutely necessary for the support of the rest. Let any one compare the wild boar with any improved breed and he will see how effectually the legs have been shortened."
Breeders of birds and pigeons and poultry have accomplished in their departments similar results. It is to the results of such study and development that we owe the many varieties of poultry, pigeons and birds. The poultry raiser may now determine whether he desires birds with large bodies for the table, or the smaller egg-producers, or whether he prefers other qualities, and he may select from the different varieties such as are possessed of the desired requisites.
When we remember what has been accomplished by those who have taken the single-leaf wild rose and produced the many elaborate and beautiful varieties of roses which are now cultivated in hot-houses, and when we see what has been accomplished by taking the many wild flowers of the field and developing them into the beauty and splendor of what is to be found in the botanical gardens, one gets a very fair idea of what has really been accomplished in these directions. In writing of this subject Dr. M. L. Holbrook says: "If there was no law of heredity, if animals and plants did not transmit their characters to their offspring, then it would be a waste of time to try to improve either." But the horticulturists take advantage of these known laws for the improvement of the original plant, and it is to the application of these same principles that we owe the changes which have transformed the size and flavor of the wild cherry and the wild grape into our present luscious specimens of cultivated fruit.
In the raising, mating and development of birds, sheep and cattle, wonderful results may be secured when the various steps are guarded and directed by intelligence. While it is true that in the mating of human beings all is largely left to sentiment, chance and blind blundering, and while wonderful results could be attained could intelligence and forethought give direction in human love affairs, yet with human beings who intelligently set themselves to correct mistakes and to develop talents, to supply deficiencies and prepare to transmit the verybest results that are possible to them, the effort is approved by results in the offspring which are most gratifying and satisfactory.
No one can doubt the law of hereditary transmission. Our inherited and acquired characteristics are sure to be transmitted to our descendants. Indeed, so thoroughly does character permeate one's entire being that it might be said of each drop of blood that in its characteristics it is a miniature of the person in whose body it was secreted. Eminent characters do not emanate from degenerate parents; and neither is the reverse true, except as the result of adequate reversionary influences. It is possible for almost any stock to revert to its original type, but even such results are not produced without adequate causes. True, we have the sentence "Degenerate sons of noble sires," but when one does see such a result he may often find adequate causes. Eminent men often have their powers overtaxed by excessive demands. Great lawyers, physicians, preachers and statesmen often have such incessant demands upon their time and energy that, although some are possessed of great powers of endurance, yet many of them are almost always in a state of physical and mental depletion. Personally they have wrought into their daily effort all that they have to transmit, and their children receive only the remnants and dregs of greatness—a depleted body and a depleted mind.
Sometimes the degeneracy to the lower typeis due to indulgence in social or other vices. If the father is guilty of sexual excesses, given to the liberal use of tobacco, or uses intoxicating liquors, it will not be necessary to look further for the causes. Sometimes the child has had a great father, but a very ordinary mother; or both parents may have been great, while the mother may have been placed under the most disadvantageous surroundings, and subjected to the most unfavorable conditions during the period of gestation; or, after the birth of the child, it may have been turned over to the degenerating influences of diseased and corrupting servants; or it might be that the child had inherited the real character of a father whose reputation was great, but whose character was ordinary. The farmer who would raise a good crop finds three things essential. The first is, good seed; the second is, good soil; and the third is, good care.
Spacedoes not permit us to go into a full discussion of the theories and of the principles which lie at the basis of prenatal influences. A few illustrations, however, will be suggestive, induce thoughtful consideration, and possibly lead many to a fuller investigation of the subject.
It is said that the mother of Robert Burns, the Scottish poet, was of a very happy disposition, and evinced a remarkable memory for old songs and ballads, and these she would sing as she went about her daily household duties.
Another instance often named is that of Napoleon Bonaparte. During the months preceding his birth his mother is said to have accompanied her husband on horseback upon one of his military campaigns. For several months she lived in the midst of military surroundings, and became personally interested in the arts of war. These influences stamped their impress upon her unborn child, whose earliest manifestation of childish interest after his birth was an exhibition of the warlike spirit. His thoughts and boyhood conversation were of war and conquest.
Mr. C. J. Bayer, in his interesting and suggestive book, entitled "Maternal Impressions,"tells of a woman who, during the period of gestation, was stinted in her allowance of money, and stole from the cash-drawer in her husband's store. The son that was born to them was a kleptomaniac, whose stealing was limited to those of his own family and relatives. He stole his sister's watch, his mother's gold chain, a new suit and a diamond pin from his father; but he was never known to take anything from any one except his near relatives. If mothers would have honest children they should be careful to entertain no dishonest inclinations.
The result of an unsuccessful effort to murder one's own unborn offspring is seen in Guiteau, the assassin who shot President Garfield in 1881. His father was a man of some intellectual ability and integrity of character. The Guiteau children were born in rapid succession, and, because of lack of means, the mother, who was in poor health, was obliged to work harder than would have otherwise been the case. Before the birth of this child she resorted to every means in her power, by the use of drugs, to produce an abortion. In this she was unsuccessful. For several weeks during the latter part of her pregnancy she had brain fever, which probably also had the effect of arresting the development of some parts of the brain of her child. When the child was born it was weak and puny, and for months its life was one continual wail. It was months before the nervous system became at all quiet. He was deficient in common sense, without self-control,and entirely destitute of every vestige of remorse or shame. He was born a degenerate and a murderer.
From the great mass of matter which is available upon the subject of prenatal influences, Dr. Napheys tells of the artist Flaxman, the outlines of whose drawings used to be regarded as the most perfect and graceful in existence: "From earliest childhood he manifested a delight in drawing. His mother, a woman of refinement and artistic taste, used to relate that for months previous to his birth she spent hours daily studying engravings, and fixing in her memory the most beautiful productions of the human figure as portrayed by masters. She was convinced that the genius of her son was the fruit of her own self-culture."
Only a few days ago a young mother who had been alone much of the time during the period of gestation, and who had found special delight in books and reading, called our attention to the fact that her twin girls, now nearly two years of age, will accept a book in preference to toys, and be contented by the hour simply to hold and handle a book.
Mr. C. J. Bayer tells of a young wife at whom some girl friends pointed their finger, and, referring to her condition, said: "Aren't you ashamed of yourself?" After they were gone, the young mother went to her room and cried bitterly over the remark which the girls had made. Her child, when seen by Mr. Bayer at the age of six, if any one, a stranger or friend,pointed a finger at her, would burst into a fit of crying, and it seemed impossible to cure her of this habit.
He also tells of a young mother who had an exceptionally bright child: "When the child was three months old its brightness was commented upon by some of her friends, and the mother said, 'I impressed that upon her.' 'How did you come to do that?' She replied, 'I have seen so many dull children, in my school work, who could not understand what was told them, that I wanted my child to be quick to perceive and to comprehend, and so let my mind dwell upon it, hoping to get favorable results. I had been told that it could be done, and I am convinced that it is possible.'"
Many instances of horrible child-marking are given in medical books, but it is not best to allow the mind to dwell upon these things. We name but a couple of instances, to illustrate the principle. Dr. Napheys tells of a woman, the wife of a baker, who, during the early months of her pregnancy, sold bread over the counter. Nearly every day a child with a double thumb came in for a penny roll, presenting the money between the thumb and the finger. After the third month the mother left the bakery, but the malformation was so impressed upon her mind that she was not surprised to see it reproduced in her own infant. The mother in due time sought to correct the deformity by having the supernumerary thumb removed by a surgical operation.
We recently heard of a mother who gave birth to a child that had but one hand. The other arm was handless, as if amputated between the elbow and wrist. The only way she could account for the deficiency in her child was the fact that her husband's brother, who had had his hand amputated, lived in the family during the earlier months of her pregnancy. While she received no special shock, being familiar with his condition, yet the mental impression, continued through a considerable period of the earlier months, had its disastrous result.
Mr. C. J. Bayer names some interesting instances in support of his theory that the disastrous effects of being frightened in the earlier months of gestation may be corrected by the wish of the mother that her child may not be affected, deformed or marked by the object or influences which have caused her to be startled. He says that if a mother earnestly desires to counteract a bad influence she should hope and long that it may not do any harm. The result of such mental effort will be beneficial to the forming brain. That very longing and desire upon the part of the mother will have a corresponding effect upon her child. This idea is drawn from, and the phenomena is explained by, the fact that the mother, through her longings, creates the brain-substance which is to control the desires which her child will possess.
Much might also be said upon the subject oflongings. In a general way it may be said that it is always best, when the longing is a proper one, to see that it is promptly gratified. Even a desire for a particular article of food is likely to produce in the child a pronounced desire for the same thing. It is well, also, for the mother carefully to note any longings which occur during the period of gestation, as it may afford her an easy clue to the cause of the persistent crying of her child after its birth. An instance may prove suggestive.
An Israelitish mother, "before the birth of her first child, smelled fried pork, and longed for a taste of it, but her religion forbade. When the child was born he positively refused the breast or bottle. The nurse asked: 'What does this child want?' The mother replied: 'I do not know of anything, except pork.' The father at once got a strip of pork, let the child suck it a few moments, after which he was ready to nurse." The father also related that notwithstanding the fact that the eating of pork was contrary to their religious teaching, yet they had never been able to restrain their son, who was then twenty-one years of age, from eating it.
Numerous instances are related in different books where young infants have moaned and cried continually, and upon being given a taste of that for which the mother had longed prior to the birth of the child the infant at once became quiet, and afterward seemed passive and contented.
We have read of a young mother who wasa strict temperance woman, but who had a longing for liquor. Her husband was also a temperance man, but they decided that some be given the mother, the same as any other medicine, under the circumstances, in order to relieve the longing and save the child. After taking a dose of liquor the longing passed away, and the child was normally born. Where the use of liquor is persisted in during the period of pregnancy, many instances might be quoted where all the children in the family died drunkards. There are some exceptional instances in which the children of intemperate fathers never seem possessed of a desire to use beverages. It is possible that investigation might show, in such instances, that the mother had such an abhorrence of the effects of intemperance upon herhusbandthat her constant longing that her children might live sober, upright lives had resulted in securing for her a strictly temperance progeny.
Dr. Dio Lewis, in his book entitled "Chastity," when writing of prenatal influences, says: "It is not carrying this subject too far to say that if any trade or profession seems particularly desirable, the genius for success in that line may be given to the child by proper effort before its birth. The mother whose mind persistently dwells upon any chosen subject during this nine months of gestation will surely see in her offspring the mark of her thought. Beauty of person, strength of mind, sweetness of disposition and holy aspiration may be assured toposterity by parents wise and loving enough to fulfill the laws which lead to the desired results."
Dr. Napheys, in writing upon the same subject, says: "What a charming idea is this! What an incentive, to those about to become mothers, to cultivate refinement, high thoughts, pure emotion, elevated sentiments!"
The character and disposition of the children oftentimes indicate the influences which surrounded the mother during the months prior to their birth. The first-born is likely to resemble the father more closely than the children born later, because the bride is apt to have her thoughts dwell much upon her young husband. Those born during a period of financial prosperity are likely to be liberal, sometimes wasteful, and, possibly, spendthrifts. Those born during the years when means are scarce and economy is necessary are likely to be economical, and some even miserly.
Prenatal influences are both subtle and potent, and no amount of wealth or learning or influence can secure exemption from them. No golden lock or jeweled hand can successfully hold the door against the admission of these influences. Medical science has done much to mend defects, alleviate suffering, patch up broken constitutions, and effect great improvements, but the greatest remains to be accomplished by remedying, as far as possible, the causes of these great evils by disseminating intelligence and inspiring parents and youngpeople with such knowledge and purposes as will prepare the way for the raising up of a superior generation. In this work the philanthropic physician occupies the place of greatest usefulness.
Parents need to realize that the work of right-forming is greater than the work of reforming. The philanthropist who labors for the reformation of adults does well; those who give their energy and effort to the education and proper bringing up of children do better; but those who intelligently devote themselves to the proper formation of the body, character and disposition of those yet unborn do best of all. We are thoroughly orthodox upon the subject of human depravity, but we believe that persons may be so generated as to be the more easy subjects of regeneration. Or they may be so "conceived and born in sin" as manifestly to illustrate the declaration of the Psalmist: "The wicked are estranged from the womb; they go astray as soon as they are born."
Before leaving this subject we desire to say a word which may be of comfort to any parents whose children may be born to them with some blemish or deformity. God has so equipped the mother-heart and the father-heart that they should love and care for those who are unattractive, or even unsightly. We recently heard of a mother whose child was born with a harelip, and, fearing lest the sight of the child might have a depressing effect upon the mother in her enfeebled condition, various excuses were madeto keep the child out of her sight for a period of several days. When evasions would avail no longer, and the mother was shown her child, after a momentary sense of disappointment she said: "Well, it is my child, and I can love it just thesame."
It is also an encouragement to know that what are ordinarily called birthmarks generally diminish, and oftentimes disappear after a brief period. Dr. Russegger tells of a woman who in the seventh month of her pregnancy was bitten in the calf of her leg by a dog. At the moment of the accident she was somewhat alarmed, but neither then nor afterward had any fear that her child would be affected by the occurrence. Ten weeks later, when her child was born, there were marks upon the calf of its right leg resembling the impressions made by the dog's teeth upon the leg of the mother. The impressions of two of the teeth disappeared in five weeks, and the others gradually faded away. Similar results may be expected in most instances.
There is one branch of the prenatal subject which has reference to determining the sex before birth, in which some persons, because of a predominance of either male or female children in their families, may naturally and properly have special interest. The desire of some parents for male children in preference to female children is both wrong and unworthy of that proper Christian regard in which woman should rightfully be held. In heathen countries, because of the hardships to which womenare subjected, the parents are often sad when a girl is born into the family; but in Christian lands, where the influences of the gospel have given woman her proper place and rightful recognition, the feeling which disparages the girl child, or would lead to a preference for male children to the exclusion of female children, is altogether wrong and unworthy of our Christian civilization.
It will readily be seen, from the effect of prenatal influences, that it would not be desirable, because of its effects upon the formation of the growing life within the mother's body, that she should allow her mind to dwell largely upon these subjects, or anxiously desire one sex in preference to another. Where such influences are exerted upon the embryo, a male child with an effeminate, girlish nature, or a female child with a boyish, masculine disposition, might be the result. While it is perfectly proper that parents should know what views are held by medical and scientific men upon these subjects, it is not best that the mother's mind should be influenced by the consideration of them during the period of gestation.
The influences which control and determine sex are so subtle, and have hitherto so thoroughly evaded human investigation and study, that little or no reliance can be placed upon any of the theories. Of the vast number of theories, many are ludicrous, some are exact contraries of others, a few seem plausible, while none have been found infallible, or even reliable.
Some have held that the phases of the moon at the period of conception controlled and determined the sex of the offspring. Others have held that the season of the year when the ovum is produced and fertilized determines the result. This theory makes it largely a question of temperature and climate. The theory which has had many advocates is one that contends that the question of sex is largely determined by the question of food prior to conception and during the period of gestation. By persons who hold this theory it is maintained that during periods of prosperity and plenty the number of girl children preponderate, and that during periods of adversity, and when food is less abundant, the majority of those who are born are boys. Another theory which has been often repeated, and as often disproved, is that the sex of the offspring is determined by the side of the reproductive system engaged in the production of the ovum, and of the sperm; that if the generative glands upon the right side of the body of the mother and of the father are engaged, a male child is the result; but if the left sides are engaged, the result is a girl. This theory maintains that the ovum which proceeds from the right ovary results in the formation of the body of a male child, while those that proceed from the left ovary result in the production of a female child. That this theory is not reliable has often been demonstrated in instances where the right or the left ovary of the woman has been removed by surgical operation, and she has subsequently become the mother both of male and of female offspring. The same is true with regard to fathers who have, by accident or disease, lost one of the testes, and have subsequently become the fathers of both boys and girls.
Another theory which has received considerable attention is that the ova, liberated from month to month, alternate in gender. That one month the ovum is of that character which would result in the production of a male child, and the succeeding month of such a nature as would result in the production of a female child. Some hold that the respective ages of the parents have something to do with determining the question of the sex of their offspring; that where the father is older than the mother, female children are likely to predominate. Some hold that the superior vitality of the father, or of the mother, will result in the production of sex of their own kind. Some persons who have given attention and study to this subject teach exactly the reverse of these two theories.
The theory which has been largely accepted by intelligent medical authorities is that children conceived in from two to six days after the cessation of the menses are generally girls, and that those conceived in from nine to twelve days after the cessation of the menses are boys—or, in other words, that those begotten in the earlier period after the cessation of the monthly period of the mother are likely to be girls, and those begotten in the later period are likely to be boys.
There are many theories, some of which seem altogether fanciful, if not silly—such as that the sex of the child is determined by the side of the bed upon which the father sleeps, whether the bed is situated so that the persons lie with their heads toward the north or some other point of the compass. Knowing the natural curiosity of not a few persons upon such subjects, and the abnormal desire of some parents for children of one or the other sex, there are not a few impostors who offer to furnish information upon these subjects at a costly price. The methods proposed are sometimes innocent, and may be without injury, while in many other instances the suggestions are debasing, likely to produce injurious results, and never reliable. While the desired sex may be determined in harmony with natural laws, the parents may give all the credit to the impostor, if Nature has brought them a child of the sex they have desired. It would scarcely seem necessary to advise intelligent people against the impositions of such ignorant pretenders.
The entire subject has been wrapped in a mystery hitherto impenetrable. No investigation has yet been able to secure from Nature her secret concerning this matter. It is very possible that the Creator of mankind has purposely placed this knowledge beyond human reach, and left the regulation of this important matter wholly to His own infinite decrees.
Whileit is possibly true that the most potent molding influences may be exerted prior to the birth of the child, yet where parents have lacked the intelligence to avail themselves of the largest and best results in this respect, or discover defects after their children are born, there still remains an opportunity for them. They can in some measure retrieve lost opportunities, correct defects, supply deficiencies, and even accomplish wonderful results in the training and development of their children. "As the twig is bent the tree is inclined." If the twig is crooked, if taken very early it may be straightened; but it is far better that the twig should be straight at first, and without the necessity of being straightened. It is better that children should be born without defects, rather than that there should be the necessity of correcting these mistakes; but as a straight twig may be bent to its permanent and incurable injury, so a child, properly nurtured and well-born, may be injured or totally ruined, mentally, morally or physically, by deficient or defective training during its childhood.
There are many excellent books upon the nurture and training of children, and young parents would do well to avail themselves ofthe advantages and excellent suggestions afforded by such publications. There are also many excellent periodicals for young parents, such as "The New Crusade," "Trained Motherhood," "The Mothers' Journal," and others, which are very valuable and almost indispensable. From such books and periodicals young parents can obtain the best of suggestions with regard to the early care, proper nurture and careful training of their little ones. We cannot now dwell upon any of the many important phases of child-training. Space only affords opportunity to emphasize some things which seem to us of special importance and likely to be overlooked.
Many young parents think that the training of their children will be a matter for consideration when they are three or four years old. No more serious mistake can possibly be made. The first three months will determine the babyhood, and the first two years the childhood, and the childhood will determine the manhood or womanhood. The first two years may almost be said to determine both the character and the destiny of the child for all time to come. The child that is not properly taught during the first two years is likely to remain untaught, undisciplined, uncontrolled, and oftentimes uncontrollable, for the remainder of its childhood and throughout its entire life.
The questions of the hours of feeding, the hours for sleep; whether the child is to be rocked, or carried when it whimpers—all theseare questions of the utmost importance from the very beginning. Many a mother has been enslaved for life because of the mistakes which she made during the first few weeks after her child was born.
Parents should protect their children against the silly and dangerous habit of being promiscuously kissed. The prevalent custom of kissing babies and children is not only silly upon the part of those who do it, but a nuisance to the child, and in many instances detrimental to the health of the child. Where promiscuous kissing is allowed, persons with offensive breath, consumptive tendencies, contagious and even loathsome diseases, may unintentionally inflict irreparable wrong upon both the child and its parents. Only the other day we read in a medical journal where a young child of poor parents who kept a boarding-house was kissed by one of the boarders, who communicated to the child one of the most loathsome of diseases. Such dangers exist not only among the poor, but are perhaps even more prevalent among the affluent, in the circle of whose acquaintances there is likely to be some well-dressed but vicious and corrupt individual.
Let no care or proper expense be spared in making the influences which are exerted in the nursery both attractive and potent. Young parents should be their children's best playfellows. There should be a proper amount of games, carefully-selected amusements, books, papers, pictures chosen with scrupulous care,and mother and mother's influence in the midst of them all. What the child needs pre-eminently above playthings, books, clothes, and every other earthly thing, isthe presence and influence of mother. No other woman in the world can take her place. Many mothers farm their children out to nurses, and then give themselves to household duties, social pleasures, or possibly to duties which may be important in themselves, but which, after all, can only be secondary to the discharge of the all-important duties of motherhood.
Many otherwise excellent women find the nursery a prison, and the care of their own children irksome, simply because they have a perverted mother-sense. The mother should have proper relief from the care of her children, but if she has the true mother-heart the companionship of her children will be the society which she will prefer above that of all others.
Where servants are necessary, and such cases do exist, parents should exercise the utmost caution in guarding the purity of their children. Hundreds, and we can properly say thousands, of children are annually wronged and ruined by the vices practiced upon them by servants. This is an especial danger where nurses and servants are permitted to undress the child and put it to bed at night. Many a nurse who is anxious to quiet her little charge, that it may fall asleep promptly, is guilty of exciting sensations which quiet the child and prevent its crying, but which inflict upon the nervous system of an infant results of the most far-reaching character. Mothers are very apt to be unsuspecting in these matters, and therefore it is highly important that the attention of fathers should be called to this grave danger.
The child should also be protected against being frightened, being made afraid in the dark, told of spooks, bugaboos, "the old beggar-man" and the police coming for them. Remember, also, that in this most impressible period of character-formation servants and others can do the child great injury by teaching it to be deceitful and untruthful. It is at this age, also, that they learn incorrect and ungrammatical forms of expression; and if the nurse-girl is ignorant and silly, and is permitted to assemble upon the streets or in the park, with others of her age, while tending the child, a bright child of two or three years will pick up more coarseness and more undesirable information concerning human depravity than can be expunged from its mind by subsequent months and years of careful training.
It is important to enjoin upon parents the duty of guarding their children against secret vice. Parents are very apt to think that while other children might be guilty of such sins, their own children are "too innocent and too pure" to fall into such vices. We have known mothers to hold up their hands in holy horror at such a suggestion, but when the more cautious fathers have watched their children, they have discovered that even at the age of five and six theirlittle boys have learned from older playmates, impure companions, degraded servants, or by sliding down the balustrade, or in some other incidental way, the terrible habit of self-pollution. Young children cannot be too carefully guarded in this important matter. Where infants exhibit a tendency to handle their private parts, great care should be given to the cleanliness of those parts, and, if continued, the family physician should be consulted, to see whether circumcision is not necessary to remove local irritation and inflammation. This is found to be necessary in many instances. Circumcision was an important sanitary regulation among the Israelites, is a simple surgical operation which is most beneficial in its results, and very important in many instances.
When your children are old enough to ask honest questions, see that, in reply, they receive an honest answer. If a child is intelligent and thoughtful, one of the earliest inquiries will be concerning the origin of life. When a little one is born into your own or another household, it is only natural and proper that intelligent children should inquire where it came from. There should be no fables about babies being brought by doctors, or being found under cabbage-leaves, or taken from hollow stumps in the woods, for an intelligent and altogether satisfactory answer can be given to an intelligent child of six or seven years, and even younger. Another has aptly and truthfully said: "Ignorance is a deadly sin. The truth properly toldhas never yet harmed a child; silence, false modesty and mystery have corrupted the souls and bodies of untold millions." Where parents are intelligent upon this subject, and know how to present these matters properly to the thought of their children, we have never heard of a child who asked an embarrassing question, nor have we known of anything but the most satisfactory and blessed results. Parents will find beautiful and helpful suggestions in "Teaching Truth" and "Child Confidence Rewarded," two booklets by Mary Wood-Allen, M.D.; and it was also to aid parents in these matters that "What a Young Boy Ought to Know" and "What a Young Girl Ought to Know" were written. Parents should read these books and learn how to communicate the information, either in conversation or by reading to the child such portions as are suited to its needs. Remember that the disposition which prompts your child to keep an unclean thing a secret from you will also incline the child to refrain from conversation upon a pure matter which is to be a secret between parent and child. If you allow others to teach your child sacred truths in an unhallowed way, if you decline to give your children an honest answer to their honest and reasonable inquiries, they will secure in its degrading form, from vicious companions or ignorant servants, the information they seek. It is infinitely easier to keep the mind of the child pure than to purify it after it has been polluted. When corrupting thoughtsand degrading pictures have been painted upon the canvas of the mind, they can never be totally obliterated.
When your child approaches the age of puberty, the little boy becomes awkward, his voice breaks, the down starts upon his upper lip, he becomes bashful and shrinking. At that trying period, when so many take special pleasure in taunting and tantalizing—at that period of special stress when the boy and the girl pre-eminently need tenderness—see to it that your children are protected against the wrongs to which others are subjected. This is the period in the life of the boy and the girl when they are not able to understand themselves or to interpret life to their own satisfaction, and then it is that they should be made intelligent upon the conditions which attend the transition from childhood, and indicate the approach of manhood and womanhood. It is then that the books in the series for boys and girls will be found especially indispensable, and in due time, according to the judgment of the parents, should be followed by the book addressed to young men or to young women.
Look carefully after the education of your children. Remember that the picture-book, the nursery-song, the evening prayer, the family music, the walk, the ride, the hasty word, the thoughtful counsel, are all helping to educate your child. Know what books they read. Be sure that in the public schools they sit under the instruction of no one who insinuates doubtor destroys the careful and sacred instruction of the home. When evening comes and evil lurks for the destruction of the young, gather your children about you in your home. Make home attractive to them. Let it be the centre and source of that which is to inspire them to noble manhood and exalted womanhood. Regard nothing as expensive which will contribute to make your children pure and good and great.
That your children may be guarded against the errors which come from sleeping with other children, neither at home nor elsewhere should they share their beds with others.
Look well to the physical culture of your children. If physical culture has no place in your school, see that the attention of directors and teachers is called to this important matter. Encourage your children to use the gymnasium of the Young Men's Christian Association, or some other organization that similarly maintains the strictest purity and the highest moral standards. Teach or have your children taught those forms of gymnastics that require no appurtenances; supply them with a pair of dumb-bells weighing a pound or two each. Furnish the nursery with some Exerciser of approved pattern, with preference for one which can be adjusted to the needs of either adults or children. Encourage them in out-of-door sports; see that their sleeping-rooms are well ventilated; encourage them to desire to be strong and well. Teach them to govern their appetites; regulatetheir lives so as to secure the best health and the best physical and intellectual powers.
In the culture of the intellectual and the physical do not forget the moral training of your children. Among the books and the papers, see that there is a good supply of those of a religious character. Teach your children to want right things, and to have pleasure in doing good. Make a faithful use of the Sunday-school and of the Church. Let their place in the family pew from early childhood be regularly filled; provide them with a hymnbook, see that they have something for the collection, teach them to be reverent. If, in early life, your children are religiously inclined, do not make the fatal mistake of standing between them and their union with the Church. Do not say: "Oh! they are too young fully to understand what it all means." Who is old enough to understand all the mysteries of Divine grace? It is enough for us to know that Jesus welcomes and saves the children, as well as older people. Polycarp was converted at nine years of age; Matthew Henry at eleven; President Edwards at seven; Dr. Watts at nine; Bishop Hall at seven, and Robert Hall at twelve.
And now we have come to the place where author and reader must part. Taking your hand in a final grasp, we can only look into your face and assure you that if, as a young husband, you rightly estimate the sacredness of marriage; if you bring to it that purity,honor and sanctity which you rightly expect upon the part of your wife; if you rightly use its privileges, and are ready to exercise such personal restraints as shall secure to both parties the largest present pleasure and permanent happiness, you will then obtain the benediction and blessings which marriage and home and parentage have to bestow.
THE END.
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