[He shrugs his shoulders with fastidious disgust and turns his back upon them.
[He shrugs his shoulders with fastidious disgust and turns his back upon them.
John
[gasping]
Well, I'll be damned.
Judge
[whispers]
Stand for it—he's right.
Theodore
But Ernest ... I'm bound to say when two people run away together——
Ernest
Ah, Theodore! you, too? Are all married people alike? Did we want to "run away" as you call it? Did we not ask for a week to think it over? Did we not stipulate that in any case we must frankly face the family first? But this person—what did he do? he ordered us offhis property, like trespassers! What could we do? Sit down in the road and wait a week? Bah! we went home—you suspicious married people, you hypocritical, unspeakable married people! [Judgehas difficulty in restrainingJohn.] Why, I believe our good friend the Judge here is the only decent-minded, properly married person on your property.
John
[bursting out]
Decent-minded—why, he's div——
[Lucystops him.
Judge
[steps in]
Dev-oted to his wife. Lucy is jealous of what I'm doing for my wife. [Controls laughter.] Now come, we must all just let bygones be bygones. We know your intentions are honorable, your courage admirable; and for whatever was amiss in word, deed, or thought, we all humbly apologize—don't we, John? [Johnbows uncomfortably.] Lucy? Theodore? And now I want you all to tell Ernest and Helen what you told me—that their arguments against marriage are unanswerable, their logic unimpeachable, and weno longer have the slightest intention or desire to get them divorced by matrimony. [John,Theodore, andLucylook dubious.Judgecrosses over and pinches them.HelenandErnestare utterly bewildered.] Why, we wouldn't let a little thing like marriage come between them for the world, would we, John? would we, Lucy? would we, Theodore?
John
[with an effort]
I agree with Uncle Everett entirely.
Judge
And you, Theodore?
Theodore
[in a low voice]
Perfectly.
Judge
And you, Lucy?
Lucy
[with a nervous glance atJohn]
Absolutely.
Judge
[to the lovers]
There. You see?
[Ernestlooks from one to the other in amazement.
Helen
[laughing]
I don't believe a word of it!
Judge
Why not? why not?
Helen
Very well, then invite the whole family here next Sunday!
Judge
They'll be here in an hour.
[Points to tables.
HelenandErnest
[recoiling]
In an hour!
Judge
Yes, you are to begin your new life together this evening! Isn't it lovely?
Helen
[gasping]
But that's so sudden. Why, we—we aren't ready.
Theodore
Just as ready as you'll ever be.
Judge
Ernest's vacation begins to-morrow—your honeymoon.
Helen
But, don't you see——
Lucy
Those new Paris clothes John gave you—your trousseau.
Ernest
Well, but——
Judge
And this family gathering this evening, your—in a manner of speaking—wedding party. [Waving aside all the lovers' objections.] Now, it's all fixed, let's go and dress for the—as it were—ceremony.
Ernest
[blocks the way. Serious]
Wait! Did I ever say I would not marry this woman?
[All stop, turn, exchange glances.
Judge
[apart]
Ah! a broad-minded chap.
John
[with a wink atJudge]
Ah! so you think you'd like to marry my sister after all?
Ernest
Oh, you're an ass! What have I been doing for the past twenty-four hours? Begging her to marry me. What have you been doing? Preventing it. Why did I postpone sailing for a week? Why did I insist upon the family party? [Comes nearer toJohn.] You're an idiot.
Judge
[pinchingJohn]
Stand for it, John. You've got to stand for it. Tell him you love him like a brother ... in-law.
John
[controls himself]
Well, I ... I—you have my consent, Doctor Hamilton, I'm sure.
Ernest
Yourconsent! What's that got to do with it? [They all turn towardHelen.Erneststeps between them.] Now wait!... This morning you tried bullying. Did it work? This afternoon bluffing. Thinkthatwill work? [Hand onHelen'sshoulder.] You can't frighten her into marriage. I've tried that myself. We've got to appeal to some higher motive than self-interest or superstition withthiswoman, racial motives, unselfish motives. [With force.] But don't talk to me about her being "immoral." I won't stand for it. If you want her to marry, prove the morality of marriage.
Theodore
The "morality of marriage"! What next?
Ernest
[toTheodore]
That's what I said—the morality ofmarriage! This woman is not on trial before you.Marriage is on trial before her, and thus far I'm bound to say you've not made out a good case for it. But simplyjustifyher marrying me, and—I give you my word—you can perform the ceremony this very evening. No license is required in this State, you know.
[This creates a sensation.
Judge
Now, what could be fairer than that! [ToHelen.] Do you agree to this?
Helen
[she nods]
We agree in everything.
Judge
Bothbroad-minded!
Helen
[quietly]
I never said I did not believe in a legal wedding—[others surprised] for those who can afford the luxury of children.... But for those who have to take it out in working for other people's children all their lives—a ceremonyseems like a subterfuge. Without children I don't see how any marriage is ever consummated—socially.
Theodore
Ah, but this relationship—it's a sacred thing in itself.
Helen
[sincerely]
I know it. I want to do right, Theodore, please believe that I do! But the kind of marriage preached by the Church and practised by the world—does that cherish the real sacredness of this relationship? Of course, I can only judge from appearances, but so often marriage seems to destroy the sacredness—yes, and also the usefulness—of this relationship!
Ernest
But, my dear girl——
Helen
[smiles]
He thinks so, too. Only he has a quaint, mannish notion that he must "protect me." [ToErnest, patting his arm.] Haven't you, dear!
[Again she has raised the shield of flippancy.
Judge
What did I tell you, Theodore? The old marriage doesn't fit the New Woman. A self-supporting girl like Helen objects to obeying a mere man—like Ernest.
Helen
[patting theJudge'sarm affectionately, too]
Uncle Everett, you know nothing about it! You think you understand the new generation. The only generation you understand is the one which clamored for "Woman's Rights." [ToErnest.] I obey you already—every day of my life, do I not, dear? [Looking up into his face.] You're my "boss," aren't you, Ernest? [ToJudge.] But I do object to contracting by law for what is better done by love.
Judge
[laughs fondly]
But suppose the promise to obey were left out?
Helen
But the contract to love—[ToTheodore.] that's so much worse, it seems to me. Obedience is a mere matter of will, is it not? But when a man promises to love until death——
Theodore
Are you so cold, so scientific, sounsexed, that you cannot trust the man you love?
Helen
Why, Theodore, if I didn't trust him I'dmarryhim! Contracts are not for those who trust—they're for those who don't.
Lucy
[takesHelenapart]
Now, I may be old-fashioned, Helen, but I'm a married woman, and I know men. You never can tell, my dear, you never can tell.
Helen
Do you think I'd live with a man who did not love me? Do you think I'd liveona man I did not love? [Lucyblinks.] Why, what kind of a woman should I be then! The name wife—would that change it? Calling it holy—would that hallow it?... Every woman, married or not, knows the truth about this! In her soul woman has always known. But until to-day has never dared to tell.
Ernest
[approachingHelen]
Oh, come now—those vows—they aren't intended in a literal sense. Ask Theodore. Why, no sane person means half of that gibberish. "With all my worldly goods I thee endow"—millions of men have said it—how many ever did it? How many clergymen ever expect them to!... It's all a polite fiction in beautiful, sonorous English.
Helen
The most sacred relationship in life! Ernest, shall you and I enter it unadvisedly, lightly, and withLIESon our lips?... Simply because others do?
Ernest
[a little impatient]
But the whole world stands for this. And the world won't stand for that.
Helen
Is that reverently, soberly, and in the fear of God? No, cynically, selfishly, and in the fear of man. I don't want to be obstinate, I don't like to set myself up as "holier than thou,"but, Ernest, unless we begin honestly, we'll end dishonestly. Somehow marriage seems wicked to me.
Judge
[nudgingTheodore]
How do you like that?
Theodore
John is right—they've gone mad.
Ernest
All the same, you've got to marry me—you've simplygotto.
Helen
You are mistaken. I donothave to marryany one. I can support myself.
Ernest
Then I'm disappointed in you.
Helen
And I in you.
Ernest
I thought you were sensible.
Helen
I thought you were honest.
Ernest
Honest! You accuse me of dishonesty?
Helen
You don't believe in "half of that gibberish." Yet you are willing to work the Church for our own worldly advantage! You are willing to prostitute the most sacred thing in life!... If that is not dishonest, what is!
Ernest
And you are the woman I love and want to marry! In all my life I was never accused of dishonesty before.
Helen
You never tried to marry before. No one is honest about marriage.
Ernest
I never shall try again. I'm going to Paris to-morrow and I'm going alone.
Helen
Then do it. Don't threaten it so often—do it.
Ernest
I shall. And I'll never come back.
Helen
Nobody asked you to.
Ernest
Helen—for the last time—just for my sake—marry me.
Helen
For the last time—no! no!NO!! I won't be a hypocrite even for your sake.
[She turns away, he starts off, then stops, rushes over to her.
Ernest
[holds out arms]
I can't. You know it. Without you I'm nothing.
Helen
[taking both his hands]
Without you.... Oh, my dear, my dear.
Ernest
Forgive me, forgive me.
Helen
It was all my fault.
Ernest
No, I was a brute. I'm not worthy of you.
Helen
[covering his lips with her hand]
Sssh—I can't stand it—I was perfectly horrid to you. And you were doing it all for my sake. [Laughing and crying.] You dear old thing—I knew it all the time.
[They seem about to embrace.
Judge
[shaking with laughter]
Was there ever in the world anything like it!... Well, children, see here. He's willing to lie for your sake. She's willing to die for your sake. Now, why not just split the difference and have a civil ceremony foroursake.
Theodore
No, they will marry for a better reason. Think of thesinof it! [ToHelen.] Have you no sense of sin?
Judge
If not, think of the humor of it! Have you no sense of humor?
Helen
[still drying eyes and smiling toJudge]
Not a scrap. Neither has Ernest. Have you, dear?
Ernest
Ihopenot—judging from those who always say they have.
Theodore
[solemnly]
Helen, look at Ernest—Ernest look at Helen. [The lovers do so.] Look into each other's very souls!... You know, youmustknow, that in the eyes of God this thing would be a sin, a heinous sin.
[The lovers gaze deep into each other's eyes in silence.
Ernest
[tremulous from the emotion he has just been through]
The glory and the gladness I see in this woman's eyes a sin? Her trust in me, my worship of her, our new-found belief in a future life,our greater usefulness together in this—bah! don't talk to me about sin! Such women cannot sin—they love.
John
[tired out]
Oh, you can talk all night, but this is a practical world. How long could you keep your job in the institute? Then how'll you live! Private practice? No respectable home will let you inside the door.
Ernest
I've seen the inside of respectable homes. I want no more. [Taking from his pocket a piece of paper.] This morning I came to ask for your sister's hand in marriage. Your manners did not please me. So I cabled over to Metchnikoff. [Hands cablegram toJohn.] His answer. Positions await us both at the Pasteur Institute in Paris. That luxurious suite on to-morrow's steamer still waits in my name.
Theodore
Ernest! Stop! Think! This woman's soul is in your hands.
[Ernestseems to hesitate.Helencrosses to him.JudgeseizesJohn, whispers, and shoves him across.
[Ernestseems to hesitate.Helencrosses to him.JudgeseizesJohn, whispers, and shoves him across.
John
Doctor Hamilton! I apologize!... You're a man of the world. You know what this means—she doesn't. She is in your power—for God's sake go to Paris without her.
[Johntries to leadHelenaway fromErnest. She shudders atJohn'smasterful touch and clings to her lover.
[Johntries to leadHelenaway fromErnest. She shudders atJohn'smasterful touch and clings to her lover.
Ernest
And leave her here inyourpower? Never again! You've forced her out of her work—you'd force her into legalized prostitution, if you could, like her innocent little sister. [SnatchesHelenaway fromJohn.] No, married or not, she sails with me in the morning. That's final.
[The lovers turn away together.
Judge
Where are you going?
Helen
To ask Marie to pack my trunk.
Ernest
To telephone for a motor.
Judge
But you won't start until after the family party?
Ernest
Of course not.
[In a sudden silenceHelenandErnestwalk into the house, leaving the family in despair.
[In a sudden silenceHelenandErnestwalk into the house, leaving the family in despair.
Judge
[after a long sigh, toJohn]
I knew you'd bungle it, I knew it—but there's still a chance, just one more card to play.
[TheButlercomes out.
Lucy
Good heavens! Already?
Butler
Mr. and Mrs. Willoughby, Doctor and Mrs. Grey, and the Misses Grey.
Lucy
[flurried]
And we're not even dressed!
Judge
No matter. It's Sunday—many orthodox people ... why, Mr. Baker won't even dine out on Sunday.
[Enter the persons announced. Greetings."How warm it is for September." ... "And how's the baby, Margaret?"etc.JohnandJudgeapart are planning excitedly.JeanandRexcome out, and finallyHelen, followed byErnest.
[Enter the persons announced. Greetings."How warm it is for September." ... "And how's the baby, Margaret?"etc.
JohnandJudgeapart are planning excitedly.JeanandRexcome out, and finallyHelen, followed byErnest.
Butler
Dinner is served, ma'am.
[TheSecond Mantouches button. Japanese lanterns glow, silver shines, and all move toward the tables, a happy, united family.
[TheSecond Mantouches button. Japanese lanterns glow, silver shines, and all move toward the tables, a happy, united family.
Lucy
[going-to-dinner manner as she leads the way]
We can hardly go out formally because we're already out, you know. Aunt Susan, will you sit over there on John's right? Doctor Hamilton by me? Rex on the other side?
John
Here, Helen. No, Jean, you are beside Rex, you know.
Judge
Until married, then you're separated.
Lucy
Cousin Charlie—that's it. [All take their places.] Most extraordinary weather for September, isn't it?
Judge
[he slaps his cheek]
Isn't it?
Lucy
[shocked and hurt]
That's the first mosquito I have ever known on our place.
John
[indignantly]
We never have mosquitoes here. You must have been mistaken.
[The servants are passing in and out of house with courses. TheButlernow brings a telegram toJudge.
[The servants are passing in and out of house with courses. TheButlernow brings a telegram toJudge.
Judge
From Julia! [Tears it open eagerly, reads, andthen shouts.] She's coming back to me, she's coming back! Look at that, look at that!
[Jumps up and shows telegram toJohn. Then taking it around toLucyhe sings to tune of "Merrily we roll along":Aunt Julia is coming backComing back—coming backAunt Julia is coming backComing back from Reno.
[Jumps up and shows telegram toJohn. Then taking it around toLucyhe sings to tune of "Merrily we roll along":
Aunt Julia is coming backComing back—coming backAunt Julia is coming backComing back from Reno.
Helen
[laughing]
From Reno? That sounds like divorce, Uncle Everett.
Judge
Like divorce? Does that sound like divorce? [Takes telegram fromLucyand hands it toHelen.] Read it aloud.
Helen
[reading]
"Dear boy, I can't stand it, either. Come to me or I go to you."
Judge
[sings during the reading]
Coming back from Reno. [Breaks off—toHelen.] So you thought we wanted a divorce, did you?
From a photograph by White Studio.Judge: We thought we believed in trial marriage. Nothing of the sort—trial separation! What marriage put asunder divorce has joined together.
From a photograph by White Studio.
Judge: We thought we believed in trial marriage. Nothing of the sort—trial separation! What marriage put asunder divorce has joined together.
Helen
I never dreamed of such a thing.
Judge
[looks at her a moment, then in a burst]
Well,Idid. The dream of my life—your Aunt Julia's, too. We thought we believed in trial marriage, but we don't—we believe in trialseparation!
Theodore
[uncomfortably]
They thought they didn't love each other, but they do, you see.
Judge
We don't, we don't, but we can't get along without each other ... got the habit of having each other around and can't break it.... This morning I telegraphed: "Are you doing this just for my sake?" She replied, "Tutti-frutti." [Sings.] Aunt Julia's coming back. Oh, I'm too happy to eat.[Singing, while others eat and drink:
Coming back, coming back,Aunt Julia is coming backComing back from Reno.
Coming back, coming back,Aunt Julia is coming backComing back from Reno.
And I don't care who knows it. The more the better for marriage. The truth—give me more truth, give me more—champagne. [Butlerfills glass asJudgeraises it.] Here's to your Aunt Julia, the best wife—I ever had. [All rise, drink, laugh, and sit down.] And I'll never, never get another.... You know I thought maybe I might. Oh, Everett, Everett, you sly dog, you old idiot you!
John
[arises, clearing throat, tapping on glasses for silence]
And now, speaking of divorce, I have an engagement to announce. [Some laughter but all quiet down. He smiles atJean.] Of course, you can't guess whose. Friends, it is my privilege to announce the engagement of my good friend Rex Baker to my dear sister Jean. [Gentle applause and congratulations. Music begins.] And so I will now ask all to arise and drink to the health and prosperity of my little sister and my brother-in-law to be! And my best wish is thatthey will be as happy as my better half and me. [All cheer and drink health standing.] Speech, Rex!
[Some of them playfully try to put him on his feet.
Rex
[shaking his head and maintaining his seat]
I can't make a speech. I'm too happy for words—See-what-I-mean?
Helen
[in a low, significant tone]
Jean, aren't you going to say something?
Jean
[arises, all silent, she looks atLucy,Rex,John]
Words cannot describe my happiness, either.
[She resumes her seat, and all gather round to congratulateJeanandRex.
John
[rapping for quiet]
One moment, one moment. Another toast, another toast! [Others quiet down.] We have with us to-night one who, in honoring whom wehonor ourselves, one who with capital back of him would soon become the greatest scientist in America! [Judgeleads applause,"hear, hear!"etc.Johnraises glass.] To the distinguished guest whom I am proud to welcome to my humble board, to the noble humanitarian whom Mr. Baker delights to honor, to the good friend whom we all admire and trust, Doctor Ernest Hamilton!
[All applaud and about to drink health,Judgejumps up.
Judge
And to his fair collaborator! the brave woman who at this modern warrior's side daily risks her life for others, handling death and disease in those mighty but unsung battles for the common weal! [Applause.] A New Woman? No, friends, look behind the stupid names the mob would cast, like stones to destroy, look and you will see your true conservative—willing to appear radical in order to conserve woman's work in the world! willing to appear ridiculous to right ancient wrongs! willing even to appearwrong—for those she loves! Ah, the same old-fashioned woman we all adore, in a form so new we blindly fail to understand her gloriousadvent before our very eyes! To Helen, the gracious embodiment of all that is sweetest, noblest, and best in womanhood—to Helen! Our lovely Helen!
John
[up again at once]
Family approval, social esteem, and an honored career—all this is theirs for the asking! To-day to me they have confessed their love—to-night to you I now announce ... their engagement! Long life and happiness to Helen and Ernest!
[Great enthusiasm—even pounding on the table.Ernestarises, looking surprised.Johnsignalling to rest of family to join in.
[Great enthusiasm—even pounding on the table.Ernestarises, looking surprised.Johnsignalling to rest of family to join in.
The Family
[glasses raised, drowning outErnest]
Long life and happiness, long life and happiness!
Ernest
[raises hand]
Wait! Before you drink this toast.... [The glasses stop midway. Sudden silence.] Your congratulations we appreciate, your kind wisheswe desire—but not on false pretences. We are not engaged to be married.
[In the tense silence a shudder ripples the family joy.
Rex
[apart toJean]
Gee! They had a scrap, too?
John
[up, nervously.Erneststill standing]
If I may interrupt.... He has financial reasons—I respect him for it. But this very day the Baker Institute in recognition of Doctor Hamilton's distinguished services to humanity has doubled his salary—doubled it! It's all right now—it's all right.
Rex
[apart toJean]
Four thousand, eh?... get a very decent touring car for that.
Ernest
[to all]
That is very kind, but that is not the point. True, our mutual needs are such that we cannot live nor work apart, but our convictions are such that we cannot live and worktogether—in what you have the humor to call "holy wedlock." Now, Helen, the motor is waiting.
[Sensation. Gasps of amazement and horror. Some jump up from table. A chair is upset.ErnestholdsHelen'swrap. General movement and murmurs.
[Sensation. Gasps of amazement and horror. Some jump up from table. A chair is upset.ErnestholdsHelen'swrap. General movement and murmurs.
John
[barring way]
You leave this house only over my dead body.
[Others gather around lovers.
Judge
[to all]
Stand back!... Let him among you who has a purer ideal of love, a higher conception of duty cast the first stone.
[All stop. Silenced.
Theodore
But this man and this woman would destroy marriage!
Judge
[standing beside lovers]
No! Such as they will not destroy marriage—they will save it! They restore the vital substance while we preserve the empty shell. Everything they have said, everything they have done, proves it. The promise to love—they could not help it—they took it—I heard them. The instinct for secrecy—they felt it—we all do—but straightway they told the next of kin. [Points toJohn.] Even when insulted and driven forth from the tribe, they indignantly refused to be driven into each other's arms until you of the same blood could hear them plight their troth! Believe in marriage? Why, there never was, there never will be a more perfect tribute to true marriage than from this fearless pair you now accuse of seeking to destroy it! [Johntries to interrupt, but theJudgewaves him down.] They have been not only honorable but old-fashioned, save in the one orthodox detail of accepting the authority constituted by society for its protection and fortheirs. [ToHelenandErnest.] But now, I'm sure, before starting on their wedding journey—another old-fashioned convention they believe in—that, just to please us if not themselves, they will consent to be united in the bonds of holy wedlock by Cousin Theodore who stands ready and waiting with prayer-book in hand.
[Family subsides. Everybody happy.Theodoresteps up, opens prayer-book.
Theodore
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God——"
Helen
[suddenly loud and clear]
Theodore! are you going to marry Rex and Jean?
John
[impatiently]
Of course, of course, Mr. Baker's chaplain.
Ernest
[recoiling]
Theodore! You! Are you going to stand up and tell the world that God has joined those two together—God?
[Theodorelooks atJohnbut does not deny it and says nothing.
Helen
Then you will be blaspheming love—and God who made it. No, you shall not marry us.
Ernest
[agreeing withHelen]
Some things are too sacred to be profaned.
Theodore
[overwhelmed]
Profaned?... By the Church?
John
Your love too sacred for the Church? The Church has a name for such love! The world a name for such women!
Ernest
[about to strikeJohn, then shrugs]
A rotten world! A kept Church! Come, let's get away from it all! Come!