ACT THE THIRD.

EnterRover.

Rover.Oh, you're here? Rain over—quite fine—I'll take a sniff of the open air too—Eh, what's the matter?

Twitch.What's that to you?

Rover.What's that to me? Why, you're a very unmannerly—

Twitch.Oh, here's a rescue!

Banks.Nay, my dear sir, I'd wish you not to bring yourself into trouble about me.

Twitch.Now, since you don't know what's civil, if the debt's not paid directly, to jail you go.

Rover.My kind, hospitable good old man to jail! What's the amount, you scoundrel.

Twitch.Better words, or I'll—

Rover.Stop; utter you a word good or bad, except to tell me what's your demand upon this gentleman, and I'll give you the greatest beating you ever got since the hour you commenced rascal. [In a low tone.]

Twitch.Why, master, I don't want to quarrel with you, because—

Rover.You'll get nothing by it. Do you know, you villain, that I am this moment the greatest man living?

Twitch.Who, pray?

Rover."I am the bold Thunder!" Sirrah, know that I carry my purse of gold in my coat-pocket. Though damme if I know how a purse came there. [Aside, and takes it out.] There's twenty pictures of his majesty; therefore, in the king's name, I free his liege subject; [Takes Banks away.] and now who am I? Ah, ah!

Twitch.Ten pieces short, my master; but if you're a housekeeper I'll take this and your bail.

Rover.Then for bail you must have a housekeeper? What's to be done!

EnterGammon.

Ah, here's old hospitality! I know you've a house, though your fire side was too warm for me. Lookye, here's some rapacious, griping rascal, has had this worthy gentleman arrested. Now a certain, good-for-nothing, rattling fellow has paid twenty guineas; you pass your word for the other nine, we'll step back into the old gentleman's friendly house, and over his currant wine, our first toast shall be, liberty to the honest debtor, and confusion to the hard hearted creditor.

Gam.I shan't.

Rover.Shan't! What's your name?

F. Gam.Gammon.

Rover.Gammon! Dem'me, you're the Hampshire hog.

[ExitF. Gammon.

'Sdeath! How shall I do to extricate—? I wish I had another purse in my waistcoat pocket.

EnterLady Amaranth,fromGammon's,Zachariahfollowing.

Lady Am.What tumult's this?

Rover.A lady! Ma'am, your most obedient humble servant. [Bows.] A quaker too! They are generally kind and humane, and that face is the prologue to a play of a thousand good acts—may be she'd help us here. [Aside.] Ma'am, you must know that—that I—no—this gentleman—I mean this gentleman and I—He got a little behind hand, as every honest, well principled man often may, from—bad harvests and rains—lodging corn—and his cattle—from murrain, and—rot the murrain! you know this is the way all this affair happened, [To Banks.] and then up steps this gentleman, [To Twitch.] with a—a tip in his way—madam, you understand? And then in steps I—with my a—In short, madam, I am the worst story teller in the world, where myself is the hero of the tale.

Twitch.Mr. Banks has been arrested for thirty pounds, and this gentleman has paid twenty guineas of the debt.

Banks.My litigious neighbour to expose me thus!

Lady Am.The young man and maiden within, have spoken well of thy sister, and pictured thee as a man of irreproachable morals, though unfortunate.

Rover.Madam, he's the honestest fellow—I've known him above forty years, he has the best hand at stirring a fire—If you was only to taste his currant wine.

Banks.Madam, I never aspired to an enviable rank in life: but hitherto pride and prudence kept me above the reach of pity: but obligations from a stranger—

Lady Am.He really a stranger, and attempt to free thee? But, friend, [To Rover.] thou hast assumed a right which here belongeth alone to me. As I enjoy the blessings which these lands produce, I own also the heart delighting privilege of dispensing those blessings to the wretched. Thou mad'st thyself my worldly banker, and no cash of mine in thine hands, [Takes a note from a pocket book.] but thus I balance our account. [Offers it.]

Rover."Madam, my master pays me, nor can I take money from another hand, without injuring his honour, and disobeying his commands."

"Run, run, Orlando, carve on every tree,The fair, the chaste, the unexpressive she."

[Runs off.

Banks.But, sir, I insist you'll return him his money. [To Twitch.] Stop! [Going.]

Twitch.Aye, stop! [Holds the skirt of his coat.]

Lady Am.Where dwelleth he?

Banks.I fancy, where he can, madam. I understand, from his discourse, that he was on his way to join a company of actors in the next town.

Lady Am.A profane stage-player with such a gentle, generous heart! Yet so whimsically wild, like the unconscious rose, modestly shrinking from the recollection of its own grace and sweetness.

EnterJane,from the house, more dressed.

Jane.Now, my lady, I'm fit to attend your ladyship. I look so genteelish, mayhap her ladyship may take me home with her.

Lady Am.This maiden may find out for me whither he goeth. [Aside.] Call on my steward, and thy legal demands shall be satisfied. [To Twitch.]

Jane.Here, coachman, drive up my lady's chariot, nearer to our door. [Calls off.] Charott! If she'd take me with her, la! how all the folks will stare. [Aside.] Madam, though the roads are so very dusty, I'll walk all the way on foot to your ladyship's house—ay, though I should spoil my bran new petticoat.

Lady Am.Rather than sully thy garment, thou shalt be seated by me. Friend, be cheerful; thine and thy sister's sorrows shall be but an April shower.

Jane.Oh, your ladyship!—Ecod, if I didn't think so—[Aside.]

EnterSim.

Here, you Sim, order the charott for us.

Sim.Us! Come, come, Jane, I've the little tilt cart to carry you.

Jane.Cart![Exeunt severally.

Before an Inn.EnterRoverandWaiter.

Rover.Hillo! friend, when does the coach set out for London?

Waiter.In about an hour, sir.

Rover.Has the Winchester coach passed?

Waiter.No, sir.[Exit.

Rover.That's lucky! Then my trunk is here still. Go I will not. Since I've lost the fellowship of my friend Dick, I'll travel no more, I'll try a London audience, who knows but I may get an engagement. This celestial lady quaker! She must be rich, and ridiculous for such a poor dog as I am, even to think of her. How Dick would laugh at me if he knew—I dare say by this she has released my kind host from the gripe—I should like to be certain, though.

EnterLandlord.

Land.You'll dine here, sir? I'm honest Bob Johnstone; kept the Sun these twenty years. Excellent dinner on table at two.

Rover."Yet my love indeed is appetite; I'm as hungry as the sea, and can digest as much."

Land.Then you won't do for my shilling ordinary, sir; there's a very good ordinary at the Saracen's head, at the end of the town. Shou'dn't have thought indeed, hungry foot travellers to eat like——coming, sir.[Exit.

Rover.I'll not join this company at Winchester. I will take a touch at a London theatre. The public there are candid and generous, and before my merit can have time to create enemies, I'll save money, and,—"a fig for the Sultan and Sophy."

EnterJane,at the back, andSim,watching her.

Jane.Ay, that's he!

Rover.But if I fail, by Heaven I'll overwhelm the manager, his empire, and—"himself in one prodigious ruin."

Jane.Ruin! Oh Lord! [Runs back.]

Sim.What can you expect, when you follow young men? I've dodg'd you all the way.

Jane.Well! wasn't I sent?

Sim.Oh yes, you were sent—very likely. Who sent you?

Jane.It was—I won't tell it's my lady, 'cause she bid me not. [Aside.]

Sim.I'll keep you from sheame—a fine life I should have in the parish, rare fleering, if a sister of moine should stand some Sunday at church in a white sheet, and to all their flouts what could I say?

Rover.Thus, "I say my sister's wrong'd, my sisterBlowsabella, born as high and noble as theattorney—do her justice, or by the gods I'll lay a scene of blood, shall make thishaymowhorrible to Beebles."—"Say that, Chamont."

Sim.I believe it's full moon. You go hoame to your place, and moind your business.

Jane.My lady will be so pleas'd I found him! I don't wonder at it, he's such a fine spoken man.

Sim.Dang it! Will you stand here grinning at the wild bucks.

Jane.Perhaps the gentleman might wish to send her ladyship a compliment. An't please you, sir, if it's even a kiss between us two, it shall go safe; for, though you should give it me, brother Sim then can take it to my lady.

Rover."I kiss'd thee e'er I kill'd thee."

Jane.Kill me!

Rover."No way but this, killing myself to die upon a kiss!" [Advancing.]

Sim.Go! [To Jane—puts her out.]

Rover."Ay; to a nunnery go to." I'm cursedly out of spirits; but hang sorrow, I may as well divert myself.—"'Tis meat and drink for me to see a clown."—"Shepherd, was't ever at Court?"

Sim.Not I.

Rover."Then thou art damn'd."

Sim.Eh!

Rover.Ay, "thou art damn'd like an ill roasted egg—all on one side."—Little Hospitality.

[Looking out.

EnterFarmer Gammon.

F. Gam.Eh, where's the showman, that wants to hire my barn? So, Madam Jane, I place her out to sarvice, and instead of attending her mistress, she gets gallopping all about the village.—How's this, son?

Rover."Your son? Young Clodpate, take him to your wheat stack, and there teach him manners."

F. Gam.Ah, thou'rt the fellow that would bolt out of the dirty roads into people's houses. Ho, ho, ho! Sim's schooling is mightily thrown away if he hasn't more manners than thou.

Sim.Why, feyther, it is! Gadzooks, he be one of the play! Acted Tom Fool, in King Larry, at Lymington, t'other night—I thought I know'd the face, thof he had a straw cap, and a blanket about'n—Ho, ho! how comical that was when you said—

Rover."Pillicock sat upon Pillicock hill, pil—i—loo, loo!"

Sim.That's it! He's at it! [Claps.] Laugh, feyther.

F. Gam.Hold your tongue, boy! I believe he's no better than he should be. The moment I saw him, says I to myself,you are a rogue.

Rover.There you spoke truth for once in your life.

F. Gam.I'm glad to hear you confess it. But her ladyship shall have the vagrants whipp'd out of the country.

Rover.Vagrant! "Thou wretch! despite o'erwhelm thee!" "Only squint, and, by Heaven, I'll beat thy blown body till it rebounds like a tennis ball."

Sim.Beat my feyther! No, no. Thou must first beat me. [Puts himself in a posture of defence.]

Rover.[Aside, with great feeling.] "Though love cool, friendship fall off, brothers divide, subjects rebel, oh! never let the sacred bond be crack'd 'twixt son and father!"—I never knew a father's protection, never had a father to protect. [Puts his handkerchief to his eyes.]

Sim.Ecod! he's not acting now!

EnterLandlord,with a book, pen, and ink.

F. Gam.Landlord, is this Mr. Lamp here?

Land.I've just opened a bottle for him and t'other in the parlour.

Rover."Go, father, with thy son; give him a livery more guarded than his fellows."

Sim.Livery! Why, I be no sarvant man, though sister Jane is. Gi's thy hand. [To Rover.] I don't know how 'tis; but I think I could lose my life for him; but mustn't let feyther be lickt though—No, no! [Going, turns and looks at Rover.] Ecod, I ne'er shall forget Pillicock!

[ExeuntFarmer GammonandSim.

Rover.Thou art an honest reptile, I'll make my entrée on the London boards in Bayes, yes, I shall have no comparison against me. "Egad, it's very hard that a gentleman and an author can't come to teach them, but he must break his nose, and—and—all that—but—so the players are gone to dinner."

Land.No such people frequent the Sun, I assure you.

Rover."Sun, moon, and stars!"—Now mind the eclipse, Mr. Johnson.

Land.I heard nothing of it, sir.

Rover."There's the sun between the earth and moon—there's the moon between the earth and the sun, tol, lol, lol! dance the hay! Luna means to show her tail."

EnterWaiter.

Waiter.Two gentlemen in the parlour would speak with you.

Rover."I attend them, were they twenty times our mother."

Waiter.Your mother, sir! why it is two gentlemen.

Rover.Say I attend them with all respect and duty.[Exit Waiter.

Land.Sir, you go in the stage; as we book the passengers, what name?

Rover."I am the bold Thunder."[Exit.

Land.[Writing.] Mr. Thunder.

EnterJohn Dory.

John.I want two places in the stage coach, because I and another gentleman are going a voyage.

Land.Just two vacant; what name?

John.Avast! I go aloft. But let's see who'll be my master's messmates in the cabin: [Reads.] Captain Muccolah, Counsellor Fazacherly, Miss Gosling, Mr. Thunder. What's this? speak, man! is there one of that name going?

Land.Booked him this minute.

John.If our voyage should now be at an end before we begin it?—If this Mr. Thunder should be my master's son!—What rate is this vessel?

Land.Rate!

John.What sort of a gentleman is he?

Land.Oh; a rum sort of a gentleman; I suspect he's one of the players.

John.True; Sam said it was some player's people coaxed him away from Portsmouth school. It must be the 'squire—show me where he's moored, my old purser.

[Exit, singing, andLandlordfollowing.

A Room in the Inn.LampandTrap[discovered drinking.]

Trap.This same Farmer Gammon seems a surly spark.

Lamp.No matter. His barn will hold a good thirty pounds, and if I can but engage this young fellow, this Rover, he'll cram it every night he plays. He's certainly a devilish good actor. Now, Trap, you must enquire out a carpenter, and be brisk about the building. I think we shall have smart business, as we stand so well for pretty women, too. Oh, here he is!

Trap.Snap him at any terms.

EnterRover.

Rover.Gentlemen, your most obedient—The waiter told me—

Lamp.Sir, to our better acquaintance. [Fills.]

Rover.I don't recollect I have the honour of knowing—

Lamp.Mr. Rover, though I am a stranger to you, your merit is none to me.

Rover.Sir. [Bows.]

Lamp.Yes, sir, my name is Lamp: I am manager of the company of comedians that's come down here, and Mr. Trap is my treasurer, engages performers, sticks bills, finds properties, keeps box-books, prompts play, and takes the town.

Trap.The most reputable company, and charming money getting circuit. [Apart to Rover.]

Rover.Hav'n't a doubt, sir.

Lamp.Only suffer me to put up your name to play with us six nights, and twelve guineas are yours.

Rover.Sir, I thank you, and must confess your offer is liberal; but my friends have flattered me into a sort of opinion that encourages me to take a touch at the capital.

Lamp.Ah, my dear Mr. Rover, a London theatre is dangerous ground.

Rover.Why, I may fail, and gods may groan, and ladies drawl, "La, what an awkward creature!" But should I top my part, then shall gods applaud, and ladies sigh, "The charming fellow!" and treasurers smile upon me, as they count the shining guineas!

Lamp.But, suppose—

Rover.Ay, suppose the contrary, I have a certain friend here, in my coat pocket [Puts his hand in his pocket.] Eh! zounds! where is—oh, the devil! I gave it to discharge my kind host—going for London, and not master of five shillings! [Aside.] "Sir, to return to the twenty pounds."

Lamp.Twenty pounds. Well, let it be so.

Rover.Sir, I engage with you, call a rehearsal when and where you please, I'll attend.

Lamp.Sir, I'll step for the cast book, and you shall chuse your characters.

Trap.And, sir, I'll write out the play-bills directly.

[ExeuntLampandTrap.

Rover.Since I must remain here some time, and I've not the most distant hope of ever speaking to this goddess again, I wish I had inquired her name, that I might know how to keep out of her way.

EnterJohn DoryandLandlord.

Landl.There's the gentleman.

John.Very well.

[ExitLandlord.

What cheer, ho, master squire?

Rover.Cheer, ho! my hearty!

John.The very face of his father! And an't you asham'd of yourself?

Rover.Why, yes, I am sometimes.

John.Do you know, if I had you at the gangways, I'd give you a neater dozen than ever you got from your schoolmaster's cat-a-nine tails.

Rover.You woudn't sure?

John.I would sure.

Rover.Indeed?—Pleasant enough! who is this genius?

John.I've dispatch'd a shallop to tell Lady Amaranth you're here.

Rover.You havn't?

John.I have.

Rover.Now, who the devil's Lady Amaranth?

John.I expect her chariot every moment, and when it comes, you'll get into it, and I'll get into it, and I'll set you down genteely at her house; then I'll have obeyed my orders, and I hope your father will be satisfied.

Rover.My father! who's he pray?

John.Pshaw! leave off your fun, and prepare to ask his pardon.

Rover.Ha, ha, ha! Why, my worthy friend, you are totally wrong in this affair. Upon my word I'm not the person you take me for. [Going.]

John.You don't go, though they've got your name down in the stage coach book, Mr. Thunder.

Rover.Mr. Thunder! stage coach book! [Pauses.] ha, ha, ha! This must be some curious blunder.

John.Oh! my lad, your father, Sir George, will change your note.

Rover.He must give me one first. Sir George! then my father is a knight, it seems; ha, ha, ha! very good, faith! 'pon my honour, I am not the gentleman that you think me.

John.I ought not to think you any gentleman for giving your honour in a falsehood. Oh! them play actors you went amongst have quite spoiled you. I wish only one of 'em would come in my way. I'd teach 'em to bring a gentleman's son tramboozing about the country.

EnterWaiter.

Waiter.Her ladyship's chariot's at the door, and I fancy it's you, sir, the coachman wants.

John.Yes, it's me. I attend your honour.

Rover.Then you insist on it that I am—

John.I insist on nothing, only you shall come.

Rover.Indeed! Shall! Shall is a word don't sound over agreeable to my ears.

John.Does a pretty girl sound well to your ear?

Rover."More music in the clink of her horses' hoofs than twenty hautboys." Why, is this Lady Thing-o-me pretty?

John.Beautiful as a mermaid, and stately as a ship under sail.

Rover.Egad! I've a mind to humour the frolic—Well, well, I'll see your mermaid. But then on the instant of my appearance the mistake must be discovered. [Aside.] Harkye, is this father of mine you talk of at this lady's?

John.No: your father's in chase of the deserters. I find he's afraid to face the old one, so, if I tell him, he won't go with me. [Aside.] No, no, we shan't see him in a hurry.

Rover.Then I'll venture. Has the lady ever seen me?

John.Psha! none of your jokes, man; you know, that her ladyship, no more than myself, has set eyes upon you since you was the bigness of a rumbo canakin.

Rover.The choice is made. I have my Ranger's dress in my trunk: "Cousin of Buckingham, thou sage grave man!"

John.What?

Rover."Since you will buckle fortune on my back, to bear her burden, whether I will or no, I must have patience to endure the load; but if black scandal, or foul faced"——

John.Black! my foul face was as fair as yours before I went to sea.

Rover."Your mere enforcement shall acquittance me."

John.Man, don't stand preaching parson Sacks—come to the chariot.

Rover.Ay, to the chariot! "Bear me, Bucephalus, among the billows,—hey! for the Tygris!"[Exeunt.

Lady Amaranth'sHouse.EnterLady AmaranthandEphraim.

Lady Am.Though thou hast settled that distressed gentleman's debt, let his sister come unto me; and remit a quarter's rent unto all my tenants.

Eph.As thou bid'st I have discharged from the pound the widow's cattle; but shall I let the lawsuit drop against the farmer's son who did shoot the pheasant?

Lady Am.Yea; but instantly turn from my service the gamekeeper's man that did kill the fawn, while it was eating from his hand. We should hate guile, though we may love venison.

Eph.I love a young doe.—[Aside.] Since the death of friend Dovehouse, who, (though one of the faithful) was an active magistrate, this part of the country is infested with covetous men, called robbers, and I have, in thy name, said unto the people, whoever apprehendeth one of these, I will reward him, yea with thirty pieces of gold. [A loud knocking without.] That beating of one brass against another at thy door, proclaimeth the approach of vanity, whose pride of heart swelleth at an empty sound.[Exit.

Lady Am.But my heart is possessed with the idea of that wandering youth, whose benevolence induced him to part with, perhaps, his all, to free the unhappy debtor. His person is amiable, his address (according to worldly modes) formed to please, to delight. But he's poor; is that a crime? Perhaps meanly born: but one good action is an illustrious pedigree. I feel I love him, and in that word are birth, fame, and riches.

EnterJane.

Jane.Madam, my lady, an't please you—

Lady Am.Didst thou find the young man, that I may return him the money he paid for my tenant?

Jane.I found him, ma'am, and—I found him, and he talked of—what he said.

Lady Am.What did he say?

Jane.He saw me, ma'am—and call'd me Blowsabella, and said he would—I'll be hang'd, ma'am, if he didn't say he would—Now, think of that;—but if he hadn't gone to London in the stage coach—

Lady Am.Is he gone? [With emotion.]

EnterJohn Dory.

John.Oh, my lady, mayhap John Dory is not the man to be sent after young gentlemen that scamper from school, and run about the country play acting! Pray walk up stairs, Master Thunder: [Calls off.]

Lady Am.Hast thou brought my kinsman hither?

John.Well, I havn't then.

Jane.If you havn't, what do you make a talk about it?

John.Well, don't give me your palaver, young Miss Slip Slop.—Will you only walk up, if you please, Master Harry?

Jane.Will you walk up, if you please, Master Harry?

Lady Am.Friendship requireth, yet I am not disposed to commune with company.—[Aside.

Jane.Oh, bless me, ma'am! if it isn't—

EnterRover,dressed.

Rover."'Tis I, Hamlet the Dane!"—"Thus far into the bowels of the land, have we marched on."—"John, that bloody and devouring boar!"

John.He called me bull in the coach.

Jane.I don't know what brought such a bull in the coach.

Rover.This the Lady Amaranth! By Heavens, the very angel quaker!

Lady Am.[Turns.] The dear, generous youth, my cousin Harry!

John.There he's for you, my lady, and make the most of him.

Jane.Oh, how happy my lady is! he looks so charming now he's fine.

John.Harkye! she's as rich as a Spanish Indiaman; and I tell you, your father wishes you'd grapple her by the heart—court her, you mad devil. [Apart toRover.] There's an engagement to be between these two vessels: but little Cupid's the only man that's to take minutes, so come. [ToJane.]

Jane.Ma'am, an't I to wait on you?

John.No, my lass, you're to wait on me.

Jane.Wait on this great sea-bull! lack-a-daisy! am I—am—

John.By this, Sir George is come to the inn. Without letting the younker know, I'll go bring him here, and smuggle both father and son into a joyful meeting. [Aside.]—[ToJane.] Come now, usher me down like a lady.

Jane.This way, Mr. Sailor Gentleman.

[ExeuntJohnandJane.

Rover.By Heavens, a most delectable woman![Aside.

Lady Am.Cousin, when I saw thee in the village free the sheep from the wolf, why didst not tell me then thou wert son to my uncle, Sir George?

Rover.Because, my lady, then I—did'nt know it myself—[Aside.

Lady Am.Why wouldst vex thy father, and quit thy school.

Rover."A truant disposition, good my lady, brought me from Wirtemberg."

Lady Am.Thy father designs thee for his dangerous profession; but is thy inclination turned to the voice of trumpets, and smites of mighty slaughter?

Rover."Why, ma'am, as for old Boreas, my dad, when the blast of war blows in his ears, he's a tyger in his fierce resentment."—But for me, "I think it a pity, so it is, that villainous saltpetre should be digg'd out of the bowels of the harmless earth, which many a good tall fellow has destroyed, with wounds and guns, and drums, Heav'n save the mark!"

Lady Am.Indeed thou art tall, my cousin, and grown of comely stature. Our families have long been separated.

Rover.They have—Since Adam, I believe—[Aside.] "Then, lady, let that sweet bud of love now ripen to a beauteous flower?"

Lady Am.Love!

Rover."Excellent wench! perdition catch my soul, but I do love thee, and when I love thee not, chaos is come again."

Lady Am.Thou art of an happy disposition.

Rover."If I were now to die, 'twere now to be most happy." "Let our senses dance in concert to the joyful minutes, and this, and this, the only discord make."[Embracing.

EnterJane,with cake and wine.

Jane.Ma'am, an't please you, Mr. Zachariah bid me——

Rover."Why, you fancy yourself Cardinal Wolsey in this family."

Jane.No, sir, I'm not Cardinal Wolsey, I'm only my lady's maid here—Jenny Gammon, at your service.

Rover."A bowl of cream for your Catholic majesty."

Jane.Cream! No, sir, it's wine and water.

Rover."You get no water, take the wine, great potentate."—[Gives LadyAmarantha glass, then drinks.]

Jane.Madam, my father begs leave—

Rover."Go, go, thou shallow Pomona."—[Puts her out.] Eh! Zounds, here's my manager.

EnterFarmer GammonandLamp.

F. Gam.I hope her ladyship hasn't found out 'twas I had Banks arrested. [Aside.]—Would your ladyship give leave for this here honest man and his comrades to act a few plays in the town, 'cause I've let'n my barn. 'Twill be some little help to me, my lady.

Rover.My lady, I understand these affairs. Leave me to settle 'em.

Lady Am.True; these are delusions, as a woman, I understand not. But by my cousin's advice I will abide; ask his permission.

Gam.So; I must pay my respects to the young squire. [Aside.] An't please your honour, if a poor man like me [Bows.] durst offer my humble duty.—

Rover.Canst thou bow to a vagrant. Eh, Little Hospitality?

[Farmer Gammonlooks in his face, and sneaks off.

Lamp.Please your honour, if I may presume to hope you'll be graciously pleased to take our little squad under your honour's protection—

Rover.Ha!

Lady Am.What say'st thou, Henry?

Rover.Ay, where's Henry? Gadso! True, that's me. Strange I should already forget my name, and not half an hour since I was christened! [Aside.] Harkye! do you play yourself? Eh! Ha! Hem! [Vapouring.] fellow?

Lamp.Yes, sir; and sir, I have just now engaged a new actor, Mr. Rover. Such an actor!

Rover.Eh! What! you've engaged that—what's his name, Rover? If such is your best actor, you shan't have my permission. My dear madam, the worst fellow in the world. Get along out of town, or I'll have all of you, man, woman, child, stick, rag, and fiddlestick, clapt into the whirligig.

Lady Am.Good man, abide not here.

Rover.Eh! What, my friend? Now, indeed, if this new actor you brag of, this crack of your company, was any thing like a gentleman—

Lamp.[Stares.] It isn't!

Rover.It is. My good friend, if I was really the unfortunate poor strolling dog you thought me, I should tread your four boards, and crow the cock of your barn-door fowl; but as fate has ordained that I'm a gentleman, and son to Sir,—Sir,—what the devil's my father's name? [Aside.] you must be content to murder Shakspeare without making me an accomplice.

Lamp.But, my most gentle sir, I, and my treasurer, Trap, have trumpeted your fame ten miles round the country:—the bills are posted, the stage built, the candles booked, fiddles engaged; all on the tip-top of expectation. We should have to-morrow night an overflow, ay, thirty pounds. Dear, worthy sir, you wou'dn't go to ruin a whole community and their families that now depend only on the exertion of your brilliant talents.

Rover.Eh! I never was uniform but in one maxim, that is, though I do little good, to hurt nobody but myself.

Lady Am.Since thou hast promised, much as I prize my adherence to those customs in which I was brought up, thou shalt not sully thy honour by a breach of thy word. Play, if it can bring good to these people.

Rover.Shall I?

Lady Am.This falleth out well; for I have bidden all the gentry round unto my house warming, and these pleasantries may afford them a cheerful and innocent entertainment.

Rover.True, my lady; your guests ar'n't quakers though you are, and when we ask people to our house, we study to please them, not ourselves. But if we do furbish a play or two, the muses sha'n't honour that churlish fellow's barn. No; the god, that illumines the soul of genius, should never visit the iron door of inhumanity. No Gammon's barn for me!—

Lady Am.Barn! no; that gallery shall be thy theatre; and, in spite of the grave doctrines of Ephraim Smooth, my friends and I will behold and rejoice in thy pranks, my pleasant cousin.

Rover.My kind, my charming lady! Hey, brighten up, bully Lamp, carpenters, tailor, manager, distribute your box tickets for my lady's gallery.—"Come, gentle coz,"

"The actors are at hand, and by their showYou shall know allThat you are like to know."

[Exeunt.

The Inn.EnterHarry,andMidge.

Harry.Though I went back to Portsmouth academy with a contrite heart, to continue my studies, yet, from my father's angry letter, I dread a woeful storm at our first meeting. I fancy the people at this inn don't recollect me; it reminds me of my pleasant friend, poor Jack Rover, I wonder where he is now.

Midge.And brings to my memory a certain stray vaguing acquaintance of mine, poor Dick Buskin.

Harry.Ha, ha, ha! Then I desire, sir, you'll turn Dick Buskin again out of your memory.

Midge.Can't, sir. The dear, good-natur'd, wicked son of a——beg your honour's pardon.

Harry.Oh, but Midge, you must, as soon as I'm dressed, step out and enquire whose house is this my father's at; I did not think he had any acquaintance in this part of the country. Sound what humour he's in, and how the land lies, before I venture in his presence.[Exeunt.

EnterSir George Thunder,agitated, andLandlord.

Sir Geo.I can hear nothing of these deserters; yet, by my first intelligence, they'll not venture up to London. They must still be lurking about the country. Landlord, have any suspicious persons ever put in at your house?

Land.Yes, sir; now and then.

Sir Geo.Zounds! what do you do with them?

Land.Why, sir, when a man calls for liquor that I think has no money, I make him pay beforehand.

Sir Geo.Damn your liquor, you self-interested porpoise! Chatter your own private concerns, when the public good, or fear of general calamity, should be the only compass! These fellows, that I'm in pursuit of, have run from their ships; if our navy's unmann'd, what becomes of you and your house, you dunghill cormorant?

Land.This is a very abusive sort of a gentleman; but he has a full pocket, or he wouldn't be so saucy. [Aside.][Exit.

Sir Geo.This rascal, I believe, doesn't know I'm Sir George Thunder. Winds, still variable, blow my affairs right athwart each other.—To know what's become of my runagate son Harry,—and there my rich lady niece, pressing and squeezing up the noble plumage of our illustrious family in her little mean quaker bonnet. But I must up to town after—'Sblood, when I catch my son Harry!—Oh, here's John Dory.

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