Bits of Verse & Prose

By Edwards & Ronney

I loved a maiden fair as dewy morn;She was not lean, nor was she stout;And as we spooned the livelong dayI wondered how ’twould all turn out;And the sun went up in the azure sky,And the sun went down as she and meSat all the time and wondered why,And questioned what the end might be.I’m married; my wonderment is o’er—The future now is no longer hid;For while my darling lays back to snoreI walk the floor with a howling kid;And my son I raise from his little bed,For he won’t stay there—not he;And as my heel goes on a tackI wonder what the end will be.

I loved a maiden fair as dewy morn;

She was not lean, nor was she stout;

And as we spooned the livelong day

I wondered how ’twould all turn out;

And the sun went up in the azure sky,

And the sun went down as she and me

Sat all the time and wondered why,

And questioned what the end might be.

I’m married; my wonderment is o’er—The future now is no longer hid;For while my darling lays back to snoreI walk the floor with a howling kid;And my son I raise from his little bed,For he won’t stay there—not he;And as my heel goes on a tackI wonder what the end will be.

I’m married; my wonderment is o’er—

The future now is no longer hid;

For while my darling lays back to snore

I walk the floor with a howling kid;

And my son I raise from his little bed,

For he won’t stay there—not he;

And as my heel goes on a tack

I wonder what the end will be.

If you are in need of a good smart bank clerk go to Canada—the smartest ones have gone over there.

FOUND IN A COUNTRY GRAVE-YARD

Mary was healthy, Mary was young;But Mary lies here, for she had but one lung.She talked all her life till she died with lockjaw;I now rest in peace—she was my mother-in-law.The grass is green, the rose is red,But the man who lies here had no hair on his head.A man lies under this monument grandWho was caught with five aces at once in his hand.With seven wives when on earth he was blessed,But now the poor lobster is taking a rest.Lonely and sad and silent and damp,But nobody cares, for here lies a tramp.Johnny lies here all sweet and serene;Johnny ate apples both sour and green.On earth it may rain, hail and snow,But the climate is different, here below.The day-time is light and the night-time is dark;Did anyone know me—my name was John Clark?I never thought skating in winter was nice;But where I am now I wish they had ice.Neither flesh nor blood rest beneath these stones;Just fifty pounds of skin and bones.

Mary was healthy, Mary was young;But Mary lies here, for she had but one lung.

Mary was healthy, Mary was young;

But Mary lies here, for she had but one lung.

She talked all her life till she died with lockjaw;I now rest in peace—she was my mother-in-law.

She talked all her life till she died with lockjaw;

I now rest in peace—she was my mother-in-law.

The grass is green, the rose is red,But the man who lies here had no hair on his head.

The grass is green, the rose is red,

But the man who lies here had no hair on his head.

A man lies under this monument grandWho was caught with five aces at once in his hand.

A man lies under this monument grand

Who was caught with five aces at once in his hand.

With seven wives when on earth he was blessed,But now the poor lobster is taking a rest.

With seven wives when on earth he was blessed,

But now the poor lobster is taking a rest.

Lonely and sad and silent and damp,But nobody cares, for here lies a tramp.

Lonely and sad and silent and damp,

But nobody cares, for here lies a tramp.

Johnny lies here all sweet and serene;Johnny ate apples both sour and green.

Johnny lies here all sweet and serene;

Johnny ate apples both sour and green.

On earth it may rain, hail and snow,But the climate is different, here below.

On earth it may rain, hail and snow,

But the climate is different, here below.

The day-time is light and the night-time is dark;Did anyone know me—my name was John Clark?

The day-time is light and the night-time is dark;

Did anyone know me—my name was John Clark?

I never thought skating in winter was nice;But where I am now I wish they had ice.

I never thought skating in winter was nice;

But where I am now I wish they had ice.

Neither flesh nor blood rest beneath these stones;Just fifty pounds of skin and bones.

Neither flesh nor blood rest beneath these stones;

Just fifty pounds of skin and bones.

The red, red rose is beautiful,As it grows by the garden-walk,But do not sit on the red, red rose—There’s a thorn in its every stalk!

The red, red rose is beautiful,

As it grows by the garden-walk,

But do not sit on the red, red rose—

There’s a thorn in its every stalk!

No man can be all right—half of him is left.

And no matter which shoe you put on first you always put the left one on last.

What kind of cow gives the milk of human kindness?

If all men were created alike, as the constitution of the United States proclaims, what an awful time married women would have trying to find their husbands!

If the man who wrote “The Snow, the Snow, the Beautiful Snow” lived in Florida, then the man who wrote “There Is No Place Like Home” never had a wife; ergo, no mother-in-law!

“There is more pleasure in giving than in receiving.” Certainly, if you are talking about a licking. Any five-year-old kid knows that.

Most people keep their spirits up by pouring spirits down.

The Society for the Prevention of Crime is going to stop the Poultry Show in Madison Square, New York. They say it is a fowl (foul) show.

A bald-headed man is surer of salvation than a man with an abundance of hirsute appendage, there being not a hair between him and Heaven.

You can use the old saying “Slow but sure” when talking to me, but for the sake of your own personal comfort, don’t say it to Dan Smith—and above all don’t say it to Thomas Lipton.

We are all kings and queens in this country—we all have crowns on our heads.

Men’s minds are like onions: some of them are stronger than others, and what is in them often brings tears to women’s eyes.

Hop medasin Kompanie:

Gents—please dont send me enymoar uf yer patent medasin sirkulars. every tim i reed won uf them i half every diseas yu menshun. last sumor i hed the mesells an the kattel tuk it an they broak out uf the pastchur.

Deer doctur:

mi wife used tu stutter sum wen she talked. i used siks botels uv yer wundurfeel Remadie an now she has the locke gaw. pleas sent tu moar botels fer mi mutherinlaw.

Yers troolyHen Henpeck

Yers trooly

Hen Henpeck

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