ACT IIILibrary at theTILSBURYS’.MR. TILSBURYat one end reading a newspaper,MRS. TILSBURYat the other, with a pad and pencil making sketches at random.KATY.(AnnouncingMRS. BROWN.)MRS. BROWN.(Enters, dressed in automobile costume.) How do you do? I know it isn’t time to start yet on our automobile ride, but I came early on purpose, because I wanted to have a little chat with Josephine. Now, Mr. Tilsbury, you go back to your newspaper and don’t listen to what we say.MR. TILSBURY.Hats and gowns, I suppose. No, I won’t listen to you, Mrs. Brown. I am reading the President’s Message.MRS. BROWN.Oh, I didn’t know he had sent one. Was it a wireless?MR. TILSBURY.Well, most people seem to think it indicates wire-pulling.MRS. BROWN.Dear me, how interesting. Come over here on the sofa, Josephine. I want you to tell me all about them.MRS. TILSBURY.About whom?MRS. BROWN.Why about Mr. Becker and Mr. Van Tousel, of course.MRS. TILSBURY.You know as much about them asI do. They are both after Mildred because of her money, and they keep running here all the time. They seem nice enough men otherwise.MRS. BROWN.They are too old for Mildred.MRS. TILSBURY.Yes, but all the young men and boys are scared off by her seriousness and rights of women ideas, but old birds you know are harder to frighten away. They think that if a marriage sometimes reforms a man, it generally transforms a woman into the stereotyped wife, and that as soon as Mildred is married she will settle down. (Goes on drawing.)MRS. BROWN.What are you doing?MRS. TILSBURY.I was trying to design a cellar decoration.MRS. BROWN.I thought they were generally white-washed, but of course living in an apartment, it is so long since I have thought about a cellar or a roof that I am not up to the latest fads.MRS. TILSBURY.The Committee on Art of the Unseen Blushers were so struck with my picture of the street cleaner that they have asked me to submit to them some plans for decorating cellars.MRS. BROWN.That doesn’t sound very complimentary. Cellars are so dark that no one will see your work.MRS. TILSBURY.On the contrary, a great many people will see it. It is for the elevation of furnace men and the men who put away the coal. It is to give them a sense of the beautiful and an appreciation of the artistic. Spending so much of their time in dark hideous cellars, they lose so much of the higher life that it is really the duty of rich householders toremember these poor men who have been so long neglected and try to make the scene of their daily tasks more in harmony with their own luxurious drawing-rooms. I have been so happy this week working over these designs, for I have felt that I was doing good to others, and at the same time that I was indulging myself in my beloved art.MRS. BROWN.And you have been neglecting Mildred?MRS. TILSBURY.Not at all. She has been feeling rather tired as a result of the parade. She did not even go to the Suffragist’s Tea that Mrs. Thom gave yesterday.MRS. BROWN.And Mr. Becker and Mr. Van Tousel? What have you done about them?MRS. TILSBURY.She has refused to come down to see either of them because of headaches.MRS. BROWN.Do you suppose that what that little Slavinsky girl said about Mr. Becker was true?MRS. TILSBURY.What did she say?MRS. BROWN.Don’t you remember? She said she saw him at the theatre with a lady friend.MRS. TILSBURY.(Indifferently.) Oh, very likely, it is true. Men are like the moon, they never show but one side of their surface to the world of women. I am going to put a moon up in this corner. Would you make it full or three-quarters?MRS. BROWN.They show enough of their other side after they are married.MRS. TILSBURY.Don’t marry them then. I think I will make this a new moon. It is more suggestive of a bright future, and circles are so difficult to draw.MRS. BROWN.Josephine, you are positively unkind. Here I have done everything to protect Mildred from Mr. Becker and Mr. Van Tousel and now that I have succeeded so well that she is too piqued to receive either of them, you won’t help me by giving me some definite information about them. You don’t care for anything but that old drawing.MRS. TILSBURY.I must present this to the committee to be passed upon by Tuesday. You are unreasonable, Imogene. How can I find out about Mr. Becker’s moral character?MRS. BROWN.You could ask your husband.MRS. TILSBURY.You know what men are. They never give each other away to women.MRS. BROWN.Yes, they always form a close corporation to keep each other in and women form a close corporation to keep each other out.MRS. TILSBURY.I suppose that that is an elemental instinct. Primæval men as hunters were obliged to combine to overcome the strength of their prey, and women as the hunted used to separate to disperse their trails.MRS. BROWN.I am sure I don’t care what the reason was. I will leave that to Mrs. Thom. I only want to know if Mr. Becker is unattached, and I can’t go around enquiring about him so I want you to. A married woman ought to be able to find out everything from her husband.MRS. TILSBURY.I think it was Mrs. Thom whom I heard make that reference to primitive man. She or some other Suffragist. She was trying to urge the women to be more co-operative. Well, I will askGeorge sometime if he knows anything about Mr. Becker’s private life, but, for my own part, I like Mr. Van Tousel best, you know. There’s the bell now. That must be he. I’ll go and put on my coat.MRS. BROWN.Are they both coming this afternoon?MRS. TILSBURY.No, only Mr. Van Tousel. Mr. Becker had another engagement, but he is coming here later for tea.(EnterKATYwith a card on a salver.)MRS. TILSBURY.Who is it, Katy? Bring me the card. Mr. Edward Melvin. I don’t know him. He must have come to the wrong house when he intended calling on someone else. Take the card back to the gentleman and tell him he has made a mistake.KATY.He asked for Miss Tilsbury, ma’am. I thought she was here. She must be in her room. I will take the card to her.MRS. TILSBURY.But Miss Tilsbury can’t know him either, if I don’t. There must be a mistake somewhere.KATY.I think Miss Tilsbury knows him, ma’am. He has been here every day this week.MRS. TILSBURY.What! And you never told me.KATY.He never asked for you, ma’am. He always asked for Miss Mildred.MRS. TILSBURY.But Miss Tilsbury’s friends are mine.KATY.You just said you didn’t know him, ma’am; besides you were out a-playin’ Bridge every afternoon.MR. TILSBURY.You do not seem to have been a very careful chaperone, Josephine. Who is this man?MRS. TILSBURY.I don’t know. I never heard of him. Every one seems to have conspired to deceive me. (ToKATYseverely.) Tell Mr. Melvin that Miss Tilsbury is out.MRS. BROWN.Would that be wise, Josephine? If he has been here every day this week, things must have gone pretty far. You don’t want to create opposition.MR. TILSBURY.Melvin! What Melvin is that? Bring the card here, Katy. Edward Melvin, Harmony Club. Why he must be the president of the Cornering Trust Company. I can’t afford to have him turned out of the house. He’s a very strong man. You must treat him politely, Josephine.MRS. TILSBURY.What am I to do? It’s one minute I must play the dragon and keep men away from Mildred, and the next minute that I must treat a man politely because he is of importance. I can’t ask men here to dinner and then put poison in their food.MRS. BROWN.Never mind, dear. Let him come up here. I’ll help you out. He must be a betterpartithan Mr. Becker. I’ll try my fascinations on him.MRS. TILSBURY.If he has been here so often as Katy says, I am afraid that Mildred’s fascinations are the only ones that will appeal to him. Oh, dear, it is dreadful to be a stepmother. One never knows what a child may have inherited from either father or mother, while in the case of one’s own children, one at least knows if they take after oneself.MRS. BROWN.Or if they don’t. It is as likely to be one way as the other. But come, have him up. Let us see the Romeo.MRS. TILSBURY.I must speak to Mildred first. Katy, ask Miss Tilsbury to come here. I must find out how she met him and what it all means.MRS. BROWN.Be careful. Don’t make a martyr of her.(MILDREDenters.)MILDRED.What is it, Josephine? Katy said you wanted to speak to me.MRS. TILSBURY.Who is this Mr. Melvin who has come to see you. Where did you meet him?MILDRED.Oh, is he here? (She starts to leave the room.)MRS. TILSBURY.One minute, please. Tell us first where you met him.MILDRED.He said papa would know him.MR. TILSBURY.I know him in a business way but not socially. Tell us where you ran across him, Mildred. Why have you kept this acquaintance so secret?MILDRED.Why, I haven’t kept it secret. Josephine knew all about it. He’s the man who saw me home the day of the parade.MRS. TILSBURY.That man, but you didn’t tell me he had been to call.MILDRED.I have not had a chance. You have been so busy with your painting in the morning and your bridge in the afternoon. I have not seen you alone, but I must go, I must not keep Mr. Melvin waiting any longer.MRS. TILSBURY.Wouldn’t it be better to send for him to come here and let him meet your father. You forget, Mildred, that you are an heiress and that you must not form acquaintances on the street.MILDRED.Mr. Melvin doesn’t know I am an heiress.MRS. TILSBURY.Every one knows it. Men make a business of knowing how much money a girl has. They have it printed in a little book like a time-table, “Bradshaw’s” they call it. Only after a girl’s name instead of putting the time the train arrives, they state the amount of her present fortune and the next stop is represented by her future expectations, and “discontinued” means, she has married some one else. All the men carry pocket editions of this book with them so as to avoid mistakes.MILDRED.I do not think that Mr. Melvin is attracted by my money. He wouldn’t stoop to read such a book as you describe.MRS. TILSBURY.You have very likely told him yourself that you are an heiress. You are so used to the position.MILDRED.Oh, I did. I told him about my subscription to the D. D.’s and about mamma’s leaving me all the money and only her portrait to papa. Do you really think he only wants me for my money? He seemed so high-minded and so much in love. Oh, what shall I do?MRS. TILSBURY.All men are alike. They are all looking for money when they think of marriage. Mrs. Brown can tell you that.MRS. BROWN.Yes, Mildred. I have not had a single offer of marriage since I became a widow and that was six months ago, just because the late Mr. Brown made a most unkind will and left all his money to his cousins if I married again. All the judges upheldthe will. They had probably made their own similar. They would establish the suttee if they could. Never mind, dear, think how splendid it will be when you have won the ballot for women and we have lady judges. Mrs. Thom will make a fine judge. The men will never get a favorable decision from her. Meanwhile, until that happy day arrives, you are far better off living here in this peaceful home with your father and Josephine than you would be married to an adventurer.KATY.What shall I say to the gentleman, ma’am?MRS. TILSBURY.I had forgotten he was here. Well, ask him to come up to this room. It will be better to have him meet your father, Mildred.(KATYgoes out.)MILDRED.He always enquires after papa.MRS. TILSBURY.He is afraid to meet him probably.MILDRED.Josephine, you are unjust. He is not at all the kind of man you seem to think he is. I am sure he is not a fortune hunter. He has lots of money of his own.(EnterMELVINjust before she finishes speaking.)MR. MELVIN.What do you know about fortune hunters, Miss Tilsbury?MILDRED.Nothing whatsoever, Mr. Melvin. They only trouble my stepmother. Let me introduce her, Mrs. Tilsbury, Mr. Melvin, and our friend Mrs. Brown. I think you said you had met my father.(MELVINbows toMRS. BROWNandMRS. TILSBURY,whileMR. TILSBURYcomes forward and shakes hands with him.)MR. TILSBURY.How do you do, Melvin?MR. MELVIN.Glad to see you again, Tilsbury. How are you feeling to-day, Miss Tilsbury, quite rested?MR. MELVIN.Did your daughter tell you, Mrs. Tilsbury, that she is educating me in the principles of Woman Suffrage?MRS. BROWN.(Aside.) Another Mr. Van Tousel.MRS. TILSBURY.No, she has never told me anything about you, Mr. Melvin.MRS. BROWN.Has she succeeded yet in convincing you of its importance?MR. MELVIN.No, it will be a slow process, I am afraid, but she has declared she will not give it up easily.MRS. BROWN.She has great success with her other delinquent pupils, so she naturally feels encouraged to try to convert you.MR. MELVIN.Here is the little book you loaned me.MILDRED.Isn’t it splendid?MRS. BROWN.What book is that?MILDRED.It is called,How Women will Use the Ballot to Extend Home Influence. It is written by Sophie Slavinsky with a preface by Mrs. Thom.MR. MELVIN.The English of the author might be improved upon.MILDRED.But Miss Slavinsky is a foreigner. Wouldn’t you like to take it to read, Mrs. Brown?MRS. BROWN.No, thank you. I really have no time to read. Why, I am so behind in society news even that I asked my maid to read me Urban Utterances this morning through the keyhole while I took my shower. I was going to lunch and I was afraid Iwouldn’t understand a word of the conversation if I didn’t study up beforehand.MRS. TILSBURY.My manicure usually keeps me posted upon what is going on. She seems to know all the gossip about every one.MRS. BROWN.The masseuse I had last winter when I was prostrated after Mr. Brown’s death was like that, but she found out such surprising things about people and excited me so much that the doctor stopped her coming. I used to lie awake all night after a massage instead of sleeping better as I was supposed to do.MR. MELVIN.Are you not going to lend me another book, Miss Tilsbury?MILDRED.I am afraid you are not sufficiently appreciative.MR. MELVIN.I assure you my mind is open to conviction, only I don’t find Miss Slavinsky’s book convincing. You are not going to stop my education so soon as this surely. Backward and defective pupils are the most considered in these progressive times.MRS. TILSBURY.(Speaking aside toMRS. BROWN.) Do something. He is making love to her before our very eyes.MRS. BROWN.Here I go to the rescue. I did not know that Miss Slavinsky wrote books. I thought her vocation was to usher at the theatre.MILDRED.That is what she is compelled to do, to support life, but her books are the expression of her soul.MR. MELVIN.Are you so loyal to all your friends, Miss Tilsbury?MILDRED.When I believe in them. I wish you could meet Sophie and then you would see for yourself what a splendid girl she is. She is coming for tea at five o’clock. Won’t you stay?MR. MELVIN.Thank you. I should be very glad to.MRS. TILSBURY.(Aside.) And it is just striking three now. Two hours before tea.KATY.(Announcing.) Mr. Van Tousel!(MR. VAN TOUSELenters.)MR. VAN TOUSEL.Oh, Mrs. Tilsbury, I am so afraid I have kept you waiting, but I waited for my mother to bring me around in the carriage. I meet that Slavinsky girl so often passing the house that I have become quite anxious about going out alone. (He turns towardsMILDRED.) How is the champion of her sex this morning. How do you do, Mrs. Brown? Hello, Melvin. Hello, Tilsbury.MR. MELVIN.How are you, Van Tousel? I am afraid I am keeping you, Mrs. Tilsbury. You have an engagement.MRS. TILSBURY.We were going for a motor ride, Mr. Melvin, to see the line of war-ships in the North River.MR. TILSBURY.I’ll put on my overcoat. It’s time we started.(He goes out.)MRS. TILSBURY.Mr. Tilsbury and I want to thank you, Mr. Melvin, for your kindness in bringing Mildred home the day of the parade, but we tell her that although in this case, of course, everything was all right, she ought not to be quite so ready to trust a stranger.MR. MELVIN.I am afraid that she only had achoice between my taxicab and an ambulance that day, Mrs. Tilsbury, and the doctor in the ambulance would have been a stranger.MRS. TILSBURY.She might have telephoned to us.MILDRED.Why, Josephine, I was too dizzy headed to telephone. Everything was going round and round.MRS. TILSBURY.Well, Mr. Melvin might have telephoned then, but of course, I suppose you did the best you could, Mr. Melvin. Only it seems a rather curious affair.MRS. BROWN.I must go and put on my coat and pick up Cochon. I left him in the hall with the fur coats. I was afraid to bring him near the fire. Dear little thing, how he does love a motor ride. He grunts all the way.(She goes out.)MR. MELVIN.Good-bye, Mrs. Tilsbury, I am delighted to have met you. I hope you will enjoy your ride, Miss Tilsbury.MILDRED.I am not going.MRS. TILSBURYandMR. VAN TOUSEL. Not going! Why not?MILDRED.No, I have a cold. I told you I wasn’t going at luncheon. Don’t you remember, Josephine? Won’t you stay and talk to me, Mr. Melvin?MR. MELVIN.I should be delighted to, if you are sure it won’t make your cold worse.MRS. TILSBURY.Why, I didn’t know you had a cold, Mildred. You said at luncheon that you had a headache.MILDRED.Well, that was brought about by the cold.MRS. TILSBURY.You look so well. I thought it had passed off.(Re-enterMRS. BROWNin fur coat withCOCHONunder her arm.)MRS. BROWN.Doesn’t Cochon match my coat nicely?MRS. TILSBURY.Mildred is not going with us. She says she has a cold.MRS. BROWN.Oh, come along, Mildred. The fresh air will do your cold good.MR. VAN TOUSEL.Yes, Miss Mildred. Don’t disappoint us in this way. Melvin will come and see you another time.MRS. BROWN.Why won’t Mr. Melvin come with us?MR. MELVIN.Thank you. I can’t very well. I have an engagement for four o’clock.MRS. BROWN.I thought you were going to stay here for tea at five o’clock.MR. MELVIN.I was coming back to tea to meet Miss Slavinsky.(MR. TILSBURYreturns dressed in fur coat and goggles.)MR. TILSBURY.Come along, Josephine. Are you not ready yet? The days are growing so short that we ought to start right away if we are going to return before dark.MRS. BROWN.We are waiting for Mildred.MRS. TILSBURY.(Decidedly.) If you do not feel well enough to go, Mildred, I will stay at home with you. Perhaps we had best send for the doctor.MILDRED.Oh, don’t stay at home for me, Josephine. I shall be all right.MR. MELVIN.I will take good care of her, Mrs. Tilsbury. Don’t worry.MRS. BROWN.(Aside.) No doubt he will. (ToMILDRED.) Let me stay with you, Mildred dear.MILDRED.Oh, no, Mrs. Brown. Cochon would be so disappointed.MR. TILSBURY.Come, come, Josephine, we can go and be back in less time than you take to argue about it.MRS. TILSBURY.(ToMRS. BROWN.) Men are so dense. What shall I do?MRS. BROWN.Go and come back.MRS. TILSBURY.I guess that will be best. (Making a last effort.) Are you sure you won’t go, Mildred? You wouldn’t feel cold sitting between Mrs. Brown and me on the back seat and this is your last chance you know. The fleet sails away to-morrow.MR. VAN TOUSEL.You oughtn’t to miss seeing it, Miss Mildred. It is an international event.MILDRED.But what would become of Cochon? He will have to sit between you and Mrs. Brown, Josephine.MRS. TILSBURY.We will leave Cochon here.MILDRED.Oh, no! That would be a pity. He enjoys automobiling so much. Do hurry, Josephine. Here, let me hold your coat for you.MR. TILSBURY.(From below.) Josephine, are you coming? It will be dark before we start.MRS. TILSBURY.Yes, dear, we’re all ready. Good-bye, Mildred. Take good care of yourself. Good-bye, Mr. Melvin.ALL.Good-bye, good-bye. (Exit all butMILDREDandMELVIN.)MR. MELVIN.(Softly.) At last they have all gone. Do they always bother you like this?MILDRED.Yes, Josephine fusses over me all the time. Fortunately this week she has been busy over her drawing and I have been a little free to do what I chose. Oh, what am I saying?MR. MELVIN.You were unconsciously paying me an indirect compliment which it was very sweet to me to hear.MILDRED.I have done lots of things that I wanted to do this week, Mr. Melvin. You weren’t the only thing.MR. MELVIN.Am I a thing?MILDRED.Well, people then. I have seen lots of people.MR. MELVIN.(Suspiciously.) Men?MILDRED.Men and women both. (To change the subject.) I don’t know but what you were right about the Daughters of the Danaïdes, Mr. Melvin.MR. MELVIN.Right how?MILDRED.About their drawing water in a sieve. I am beginning to be very discouraged. We do not seem to accomplish anything. There doesn’t seem to be any prospect of our ever really accomplishing anything, and sometimes I am not sure that the others care; even Mrs. Thom seems to enjoy the excitement more than she is concerned about results.MR. MELVIN.Why, do you know, I am beginning to be of just the opposite opinion and to believe that societies like the Daughters of the Danaïdes do a lotof good in teaching women to organize and to think and to prepare themselves eventually for the vote.MILDRED.Then we are just as far apart in agreeing as ever—since we have both turned around.MR. MELVIN.Not at all, for we have each had two points of view now and can sympathize better with each other.MILDRED.I am so glad to talk with you. I feel so lonely. Josephine and I have so little in common and Mrs. Thom and Sophie have such different ideas from mine. I am afraid I am not strong minded.MR. MELVIN.Don’t be. Talk to me all you want. I think you have beautiful ideas.MILDRED.They are very foolish ones I am afraid.MR. MELVIN.Not to me. Mildred, marry me and then we can talk over these matters more intimately as men and women should, and then we could help each other to understand all these questions better.MILDRED.I never thought of this.MR. MELVIN.No, but I have and I want you very much dear. I can teach you to carry water in a sieve in a more scientific way than the old Danaïdes ever thought of.MILDRED.How is that? Will you stop up the holes?MR. MELVIN.No, that would take too long. I have a better plan. We will freeze the water into ice.MILDRED.If I married you what would papa and Josephine do without me? I have all the money, you know, and support the house.MR. MELVIN.That could be arranged. I haveplenty of money for both you and me and I am making more all the time. The Cornering Trust is in splendid condition.MILDRED.And mamma’s portrait, I should hate to leave it. It is my Guardian Angel, you know.MR. MELVIN.I have a splendid idea. We’ll buy the portrait. We will pay an enormous price for it and establish a record value. Then we will have the picture and your father will have enough to live on. He would be willing to part with the portrait, wouldn’t he?MILDRED.I think so, to me at any rate. It is by Madrazo. It is really a valuable painting.MR. MELVIN.Then, Mildred, dear, please do not try to think of any more objections. I should try very hard to make you happy.MILDRED.We have known each other for so short a time.MR. MELVIN.That is very true. We must begin to grow better acquainted at once. (He takes her hand in his.) Suppose I give you a few lessons in how to fall in love in exchange for those lessons in the principles of women’s rights.MILDRED.I am afraid you are not very serious.MR. MELVIN.Forgive me, sweetheart, if I seem frivolous. I have never felt more serious in my life. (Puts his arm around her.)(EnterMR.andMRS. TILSBURY,followed byMRS. BROWNwho holds a handkerchief to her eyes and is assisted to walk byMR. VAN TOUSEL.)MRS. TILSBURY.A tire broke and we were obliged to come home in a trolley car.MR. TILSBURY.I don’t see what was the matter with that tire. It was only put on last week.MRS. BROWN.And Cochon is killed.MR. VAN TOUSEL.And my fur coat has been stolen.ALL.(SeeingMELVINandMILDRED.) Oh!MILDRED.Mr. Melvin and I are engaged, papa.MR. TILSBURY.Engaged without asking my consent! I forbid it.MR. MELVIN.(Understanding his thoughts.) I was just going to ask it, Tilsbury. I am going to take two treasures away from you at once,—your daughter and your late wife’s portrait. Mildred wants it and I will give you $200,000 for it.MRS. TILSBURY.(Aside.) Thank Heaven, I shall not be obliged to go to any more Woman Suffrage meetings.MR. TILSBURY.Melvin, this is a surprise to me. You must let me think it over.MRS. TILSBURY.(Aside.) And to get rid of the old portrait too. The whole thing is too good to be true. (ToMR. TILSBURY.) Don’t keep Mr. Melvin in suspense, George. The cruel parent is out of fashion nowadays.MILDRED.Dear papa, Edward and I are going to be so happy together.MR. TILSBURY.(Aside.) Two hundred thousand dollars and my commissions as trustee. Melvin has his hands so full now, he won’t want to bother with the care of Mildred’s little fortune. (ToMELVIN.) Melvin, I will entrust my daughter to your hands. I am sure you are worthy of her. As to the portrait—bitter as it is to me to part with this last token ofmy late wife’s affection bequeathed to me in her will, yet for Mildred’s sake I will give you her dear mother’s portrait for $200,000.KATY.(Announcing.) Mrs. Thom.(MRS. THOMenters.)MRS. BROWN.Two broken tires in one day and Cochon dead. It is too much. (Sobs.)MRS. THOM.I was so disappointed that you couldn’t come to pour tea at the Suffrage reception yesterday. I am so sorry you have been ill, dear child. I hope you are feeling better to-day. (Looks at her suspiciously.)MILDRED.Yes, indeed, Mrs. Thom, I am quite recovered, thank you. I hated to fall out the last minute, but I had such a bad headache that I could not have carried the tea in the sieve—the tea strainer, I mean.MRS. THOM.Well, you must come next week. The teas are to be held at the Club-house every Friday during the month. The cups all have “Votes for Women” on them, and I charge fifty cents for a cup of tea and the purchaser carries the cup home. It is a very good arrangement, for we make quite a little sum in our sales and the cups remind the purchasers of the cause.MRS. TILSBURY.I am afraid Mildred will not have much time for Woman Suffrage teas at present, Mrs. Thom. She has just become engaged to Mr. Melvin.MRS. THOM.Mildred engaged! Why, when did that happen?MRS. TILSBURY.About an hour ago. It is a result of your Woman Suffrage Parade. Mr. Melvin sawMildred home in a taxi cab on that day, you remember.MRS. THOM.Dear child, I hope you will be happy, but knowing from my own case and from that of many of my friends how unequal are the risks that men and women assume in the married state, I can only tremble for your future. Of course your fiancé believes in the cause, otherwise you would not have accepted him.MILDRED.Oh, Josephine, how could you! We were not going to announce our engagement just yet.MRS. TILSBURY.I thought you were announcing it rather emphatically when we came in.MILDRED.I want to introduce you to Mr. Melvin, Mrs. Thom. He has just finished reading your preface to Sophie’s book and is delighted to have the opportunity to tell you how much he enjoyed it.MR. MELVIN.I am glad to meet you, Mrs. Thom, but I cannot claim your friendship on false pretences. I regret to say I skipped your preface. It is the one thing I have learned from the Shavian philosophy, but I will ask Mildred to tell me about it sometime.MRS. THOM.Of course your fiancé has signed the petition, Mildred?MR. MELVIN.No, Mrs. Thom, I do not believe sufficiently in “the cause” to be willing to sign the petition.MRS. THOM.Do you know what petition I mean?MR. MELVIN.Certainly: the petition to the State Legislature for the Enfranchisement of Women Citizens.MRS. THOM.You know about the petition and yet you refuse to subscribe to it! Mildred, dear, this is a question of your future happiness. I might almostsay of your future safety. Reflect before it is too late what it means to put yourself in the power of a man who believes in the continued enslavement of women.MR. MELVIN.Oh, Mrs. Thom, you are too severe. If I am in no hurry to see women voting and a reduplication of the ignorant vote, I refuse to be called a Bluebeard. I believe that noble women are inherent queens above the vote, not below it.MRS. THOM.In England they class women with children and lunatics in barring them from political rights. In New York, the Constitution extends the vote to any male citizen over twenty-one years old regardless of whether he is sane or insane. Even a lunatic if he be a male is held superior to a woman.MRS. BROWN.That’s because so many men are a little queer. If votes could be challenged for craziness as well as for illegal residence the watchers at the polls would never finish their tasks.MR. VAN TOUSEL.I want to wish you every happiness, Miss Mildred, but like Mrs. Thom, I feel a little uncertain about your future. A woman who is so strong on the subject of Woman Suffrage as you are ought to marry a man who could sympathize with her.MILDRED.Oh, but Edward does sympathize with me. He has been sympathizing with me all the week. I never met any one who understood me so well.MR. VAN TOUSEL.Perhaps I should have said sympathize in “the cause.” A man and a woman who believe in the same cause when joined together can do so much for its advancement.MILDRED.I will convert him after we are married.MRS. THOM.It will be too late then. Conversionafter marriage is like putting yeast in bread after it is baked. It cannot raise the fallen.(EnterSOPHIE SLAVINSKYandBECKER.The latter a little shamefaced.)KATY.(Announcing.) Mr. and Mrs. Becker!MILDRED.Oh, Sophie, I am so glad to see you. I want to be the first to tell you of my engagement to Mr. Melvin, since Josephine has already let the cat out of the bag.SOPHIE.How lovely! Let me kiss you. Marriage is true happiness for a woman. We must have a little talk together, you and I. (Turning to others.) How do you all do, you dear good people.MRS. TILSBURY.How do you do, Miss Slavinsky.SOPHIE.Mrs. Becker, please, Mrs. Theodore Halowell Becker. We have just been married by the Mayor and I stopped here to see Mildred before we start on the honeymoon.Nicht Wahr, dearest? (To Becker.)MRS. THOM.You have married that man—that monster who tramples the rights of women beneath his feet like worms in the dust!SOPHIE.We have—what you call it?—swapped votes, like two men, a Republican and a Democrat, when they want to go play golf on election day. They two agree, not one will vote. Then everything is cancelled. So Mr. Becker and me—he is a great big opponent to the cause and I am a strong advocate. If we both keep quiet the result is zero, see?MRS. BROWN.Ah, yes, you and Mr. Becker have become two adjacent hemispheres.SOPHIE.(After a slight pause.) Yes, every brainconsists of two hemispheres, and I am proud to be a hemisphere of Mr. Becker’s great, big, splendid brain.MILDRED.This is such a beautiful surprise. Sophie, dear, do tell us how it all happened.SOPHIE.Well, you see that day when Mr. Becker met me here, he came to the theatre the next night to see if I really usher and he bought his ticket so late he was obliged to take a way back and sit down seat; almost under the—what do you call it?—oh, yes, the undress circle where people wear their business clothes. Just as I had shown him his place and had pushed down his seat and made him comfortable, and had given him a programme, which he had forgot to take, and was going to help him off with his overcoat, I happened to look up, and there was a big pair of opera-glasses falling down from the undress circle right towards his dear little bald spot, as if it were a bull’s-eye, and I put out my arm and it hit my arm instead of his head and made one great blue spot. It is there yet, see. (Bares arm.)MILDRED.You saved Mr. Becker’s life and then he married you! How romantic! It is just like Edward and me, only it was Edward that saved my life that day of the Parade.MR. BECKER.Pardon me, Miss Tilsbury, you women——SOPHIE.Dear!MR. BECKER.Except you, Sophie, you women all generalize from one example. Sophie did probably save my life, but Mr. Melvin can hardly be said to have saved yours.SOPHIE.Is he not sweet? He has promised nowwhenever he says “you women” to make of me an exception.MILDRED.But go on with your story, Sophie. What happened next when you had saved Mr. Becker’s head from the opera-glasses?MRS. BROWN.Did the owner ever claim them?SOPHIE.I don’t know. I returned them to the lost and found office. Well, my arm was so hurted that I could not usher any more this last week. How could I put out disorderly audiences with one arm laid up in a sling? Well, Mr. Becker came to see me every day with flowers and—well, love did the rest.MILDRED.Well, dear Sophie, I am so glad you are happy.MRS. THOM.I suppose we shall not see you at the tea on next Friday.SOPHIE.No, we are going to Niagara, for our honeymoon. It is train time now, Theodore,nicht wahr?MR. BECKER.I think we should be starting. You women—except you, Sophie—are so apt to miss trains.SOPHIE.Au revoir.Auf wiedersehen!See you later.MR. VAN TOUSEL.Good-bye. My congratulations, Becker.(TheBeckersleave after embraces and kisses.)MR. VAN TOUSEL.There but for the kindness of Providence goes Henry Van Tousel.MILDRED.Dear me, hasn’t this been a wonderful afternoon! Poor little me engaged and Sophie married!MR. MELVIN.It has been the most successful day of my life.MRS. TILSBURY.Well, it is all the result of your Parade, Mrs. Thom. The Parade seems to have been a more speedy matchmaker than a dancing class.MRS. THOM.I shall not stay here to be insulted.MILDRED.Oh, Mrs. Thom, no one is insulting you. Don’t spoil this beautiful day. Let me give you a cup of tea. I am going to celebrate my engagement by giving a little gift to the cause.MR. MELVIN.I will double it, Mrs. Thom.MRS. BROWN.(Aside.) It is probably the last.MRS. THOM.Make the check out to me please, Mary Henrietta Thom. We have no treasurer at present, and I am taking charge of the donations. I won’t stay for tea, thank you. I have an engagement and I know that you and Mr. Melvin have a lot to say to each other. Good-bye, dear child. May you be happy. (She kissesMILDRED,bows to the others, and goes.)MRS. BROWN.(Aside toMRS. TILSBURY.) Well, there does not seem to be any one left for me but Mr. Van Tousel and his vice-president mother.MRS. TILSBURY.Cheer up, dear, no one ever made a success out of a vice-presidency except Roosevelt.MRS. BROWN.Well, I will hope for the best. Mr. Van Tousel, I feel so upset over Cochon’s death. I am afraid to go home alone. Will you see me around the corner? It is not very far. The apartment will be so lonesome without Cochon.MR. VAN TOUSEL.Certainly, I will see you home, Mrs. Brown. I am coming in to call on you too. Ihave never been before because somehow I could not reconcile my idea of you as a lovely woman with a pig as a companion.MRS. TILSBURY.Beauty and the Beast, Mr. Van Tousel.MR. VAN TOUSEL.True, I had forgotten that tale.MILDRED.How was Cochon killed, Mrs. Brown, or would it make you feel too badly to tell me about it?MRS. BROWN.He fell out of the automobile and was run over by an automobile coming in the opposite direction. Oh dear.MR. VAN TOUSEL.Come, Mrs. Brown. Let me give you my arm. Good-afternoon, Mrs. Tilsbury. Thank you for a delightful ride. Best wishes, Miss Tilsbury, and to you, Melvin.MRS. BROWN.Good-bye, Josephine. I will telephone in the morning.MRS. TILSBURY.I think I know what it will be about. Good luck to you, Imogene.(MRS. BROWNandMR. VAN TOUSELgo out.)MILDRED.Is she going to have a funeral for Cochon?MR. TILSBURY.No, she sold him to a butcher for twenty-five dollars while Mr. Van Tousel went around the corner to get her sal volatile at a chemist’s. Cochon was killed at a convenient place,—right opposite a butcher’s shop. Then she closed at once with the people in the other automobile for fifty dollars for all damages. Good business woman, Mrs. Brown. Good friend for you, Josephine, but she’ll do you some day.MRS. TILSBURY.Well, as my duties as a chaperoneseem to be over, I think I shall return to my art. You will dine with us to-night, will you not, Mr. Melvin? We shall be quiteen famille.MR. MELVIN.Thank you, I should like to very much.MR. TILSBURY.Well, I am off to the Club. See you later, Melvin.(MR.andMRS. TILSBURYgo out.)MR. MELVIN.Hereafter I am going to change the war-cry to the singular, and say, “Votes for one woman.”MILDRED.And I shall say, “Votes for one man.”(Curtain.)
Library at theTILSBURYS’.MR. TILSBURYat one end reading a newspaper,MRS. TILSBURYat the other, with a pad and pencil making sketches at random.
Library at theTILSBURYS’.MR. TILSBURYat one end reading a newspaper,MRS. TILSBURYat the other, with a pad and pencil making sketches at random.
KATY.(AnnouncingMRS. BROWN.)
MRS. BROWN.(Enters, dressed in automobile costume.) How do you do? I know it isn’t time to start yet on our automobile ride, but I came early on purpose, because I wanted to have a little chat with Josephine. Now, Mr. Tilsbury, you go back to your newspaper and don’t listen to what we say.
MR. TILSBURY.Hats and gowns, I suppose. No, I won’t listen to you, Mrs. Brown. I am reading the President’s Message.
MRS. BROWN.Oh, I didn’t know he had sent one. Was it a wireless?
MR. TILSBURY.Well, most people seem to think it indicates wire-pulling.
MRS. BROWN.Dear me, how interesting. Come over here on the sofa, Josephine. I want you to tell me all about them.
MRS. TILSBURY.About whom?
MRS. BROWN.Why about Mr. Becker and Mr. Van Tousel, of course.
MRS. TILSBURY.You know as much about them asI do. They are both after Mildred because of her money, and they keep running here all the time. They seem nice enough men otherwise.
MRS. BROWN.They are too old for Mildred.
MRS. TILSBURY.Yes, but all the young men and boys are scared off by her seriousness and rights of women ideas, but old birds you know are harder to frighten away. They think that if a marriage sometimes reforms a man, it generally transforms a woman into the stereotyped wife, and that as soon as Mildred is married she will settle down. (Goes on drawing.)
MRS. BROWN.What are you doing?
MRS. TILSBURY.I was trying to design a cellar decoration.
MRS. BROWN.I thought they were generally white-washed, but of course living in an apartment, it is so long since I have thought about a cellar or a roof that I am not up to the latest fads.
MRS. TILSBURY.The Committee on Art of the Unseen Blushers were so struck with my picture of the street cleaner that they have asked me to submit to them some plans for decorating cellars.
MRS. BROWN.That doesn’t sound very complimentary. Cellars are so dark that no one will see your work.
MRS. TILSBURY.On the contrary, a great many people will see it. It is for the elevation of furnace men and the men who put away the coal. It is to give them a sense of the beautiful and an appreciation of the artistic. Spending so much of their time in dark hideous cellars, they lose so much of the higher life that it is really the duty of rich householders toremember these poor men who have been so long neglected and try to make the scene of their daily tasks more in harmony with their own luxurious drawing-rooms. I have been so happy this week working over these designs, for I have felt that I was doing good to others, and at the same time that I was indulging myself in my beloved art.
MRS. BROWN.And you have been neglecting Mildred?
MRS. TILSBURY.Not at all. She has been feeling rather tired as a result of the parade. She did not even go to the Suffragist’s Tea that Mrs. Thom gave yesterday.
MRS. BROWN.And Mr. Becker and Mr. Van Tousel? What have you done about them?
MRS. TILSBURY.She has refused to come down to see either of them because of headaches.
MRS. BROWN.Do you suppose that what that little Slavinsky girl said about Mr. Becker was true?
MRS. TILSBURY.What did she say?
MRS. BROWN.Don’t you remember? She said she saw him at the theatre with a lady friend.
MRS. TILSBURY.(Indifferently.) Oh, very likely, it is true. Men are like the moon, they never show but one side of their surface to the world of women. I am going to put a moon up in this corner. Would you make it full or three-quarters?
MRS. BROWN.They show enough of their other side after they are married.
MRS. TILSBURY.Don’t marry them then. I think I will make this a new moon. It is more suggestive of a bright future, and circles are so difficult to draw.
MRS. BROWN.Josephine, you are positively unkind. Here I have done everything to protect Mildred from Mr. Becker and Mr. Van Tousel and now that I have succeeded so well that she is too piqued to receive either of them, you won’t help me by giving me some definite information about them. You don’t care for anything but that old drawing.
MRS. TILSBURY.I must present this to the committee to be passed upon by Tuesday. You are unreasonable, Imogene. How can I find out about Mr. Becker’s moral character?
MRS. BROWN.You could ask your husband.
MRS. TILSBURY.You know what men are. They never give each other away to women.
MRS. BROWN.Yes, they always form a close corporation to keep each other in and women form a close corporation to keep each other out.
MRS. TILSBURY.I suppose that that is an elemental instinct. Primæval men as hunters were obliged to combine to overcome the strength of their prey, and women as the hunted used to separate to disperse their trails.
MRS. BROWN.I am sure I don’t care what the reason was. I will leave that to Mrs. Thom. I only want to know if Mr. Becker is unattached, and I can’t go around enquiring about him so I want you to. A married woman ought to be able to find out everything from her husband.
MRS. TILSBURY.I think it was Mrs. Thom whom I heard make that reference to primitive man. She or some other Suffragist. She was trying to urge the women to be more co-operative. Well, I will askGeorge sometime if he knows anything about Mr. Becker’s private life, but, for my own part, I like Mr. Van Tousel best, you know. There’s the bell now. That must be he. I’ll go and put on my coat.
MRS. BROWN.Are they both coming this afternoon?
MRS. TILSBURY.No, only Mr. Van Tousel. Mr. Becker had another engagement, but he is coming here later for tea.
(EnterKATYwith a card on a salver.)
MRS. TILSBURY.Who is it, Katy? Bring me the card. Mr. Edward Melvin. I don’t know him. He must have come to the wrong house when he intended calling on someone else. Take the card back to the gentleman and tell him he has made a mistake.
KATY.He asked for Miss Tilsbury, ma’am. I thought she was here. She must be in her room. I will take the card to her.
MRS. TILSBURY.But Miss Tilsbury can’t know him either, if I don’t. There must be a mistake somewhere.
KATY.I think Miss Tilsbury knows him, ma’am. He has been here every day this week.
MRS. TILSBURY.What! And you never told me.
KATY.He never asked for you, ma’am. He always asked for Miss Mildred.
MRS. TILSBURY.But Miss Tilsbury’s friends are mine.
KATY.You just said you didn’t know him, ma’am; besides you were out a-playin’ Bridge every afternoon.
MR. TILSBURY.You do not seem to have been a very careful chaperone, Josephine. Who is this man?
MRS. TILSBURY.I don’t know. I never heard of him. Every one seems to have conspired to deceive me. (ToKATYseverely.) Tell Mr. Melvin that Miss Tilsbury is out.
MRS. BROWN.Would that be wise, Josephine? If he has been here every day this week, things must have gone pretty far. You don’t want to create opposition.
MR. TILSBURY.Melvin! What Melvin is that? Bring the card here, Katy. Edward Melvin, Harmony Club. Why he must be the president of the Cornering Trust Company. I can’t afford to have him turned out of the house. He’s a very strong man. You must treat him politely, Josephine.
MRS. TILSBURY.What am I to do? It’s one minute I must play the dragon and keep men away from Mildred, and the next minute that I must treat a man politely because he is of importance. I can’t ask men here to dinner and then put poison in their food.
MRS. BROWN.Never mind, dear. Let him come up here. I’ll help you out. He must be a betterpartithan Mr. Becker. I’ll try my fascinations on him.
MRS. TILSBURY.If he has been here so often as Katy says, I am afraid that Mildred’s fascinations are the only ones that will appeal to him. Oh, dear, it is dreadful to be a stepmother. One never knows what a child may have inherited from either father or mother, while in the case of one’s own children, one at least knows if they take after oneself.
MRS. BROWN.Or if they don’t. It is as likely to be one way as the other. But come, have him up. Let us see the Romeo.
MRS. TILSBURY.I must speak to Mildred first. Katy, ask Miss Tilsbury to come here. I must find out how she met him and what it all means.
MRS. BROWN.Be careful. Don’t make a martyr of her.
(MILDREDenters.)
MILDRED.What is it, Josephine? Katy said you wanted to speak to me.
MRS. TILSBURY.Who is this Mr. Melvin who has come to see you. Where did you meet him?
MILDRED.Oh, is he here? (She starts to leave the room.)
MRS. TILSBURY.One minute, please. Tell us first where you met him.
MILDRED.He said papa would know him.
MR. TILSBURY.I know him in a business way but not socially. Tell us where you ran across him, Mildred. Why have you kept this acquaintance so secret?
MILDRED.Why, I haven’t kept it secret. Josephine knew all about it. He’s the man who saw me home the day of the parade.
MRS. TILSBURY.That man, but you didn’t tell me he had been to call.
MILDRED.I have not had a chance. You have been so busy with your painting in the morning and your bridge in the afternoon. I have not seen you alone, but I must go, I must not keep Mr. Melvin waiting any longer.
MRS. TILSBURY.Wouldn’t it be better to send for him to come here and let him meet your father. You forget, Mildred, that you are an heiress and that you must not form acquaintances on the street.
MILDRED.Mr. Melvin doesn’t know I am an heiress.
MRS. TILSBURY.Every one knows it. Men make a business of knowing how much money a girl has. They have it printed in a little book like a time-table, “Bradshaw’s” they call it. Only after a girl’s name instead of putting the time the train arrives, they state the amount of her present fortune and the next stop is represented by her future expectations, and “discontinued” means, she has married some one else. All the men carry pocket editions of this book with them so as to avoid mistakes.
MILDRED.I do not think that Mr. Melvin is attracted by my money. He wouldn’t stoop to read such a book as you describe.
MRS. TILSBURY.You have very likely told him yourself that you are an heiress. You are so used to the position.
MILDRED.Oh, I did. I told him about my subscription to the D. D.’s and about mamma’s leaving me all the money and only her portrait to papa. Do you really think he only wants me for my money? He seemed so high-minded and so much in love. Oh, what shall I do?
MRS. TILSBURY.All men are alike. They are all looking for money when they think of marriage. Mrs. Brown can tell you that.
MRS. BROWN.Yes, Mildred. I have not had a single offer of marriage since I became a widow and that was six months ago, just because the late Mr. Brown made a most unkind will and left all his money to his cousins if I married again. All the judges upheldthe will. They had probably made their own similar. They would establish the suttee if they could. Never mind, dear, think how splendid it will be when you have won the ballot for women and we have lady judges. Mrs. Thom will make a fine judge. The men will never get a favorable decision from her. Meanwhile, until that happy day arrives, you are far better off living here in this peaceful home with your father and Josephine than you would be married to an adventurer.
KATY.What shall I say to the gentleman, ma’am?
MRS. TILSBURY.I had forgotten he was here. Well, ask him to come up to this room. It will be better to have him meet your father, Mildred.
(KATYgoes out.)
MILDRED.He always enquires after papa.
MRS. TILSBURY.He is afraid to meet him probably.
MILDRED.Josephine, you are unjust. He is not at all the kind of man you seem to think he is. I am sure he is not a fortune hunter. He has lots of money of his own.
(EnterMELVINjust before she finishes speaking.)
MR. MELVIN.What do you know about fortune hunters, Miss Tilsbury?
MILDRED.Nothing whatsoever, Mr. Melvin. They only trouble my stepmother. Let me introduce her, Mrs. Tilsbury, Mr. Melvin, and our friend Mrs. Brown. I think you said you had met my father.
(MELVINbows toMRS. BROWNandMRS. TILSBURY,whileMR. TILSBURYcomes forward and shakes hands with him.)
(MELVINbows toMRS. BROWNandMRS. TILSBURY,whileMR. TILSBURYcomes forward and shakes hands with him.)
MR. TILSBURY.How do you do, Melvin?
MR. MELVIN.Glad to see you again, Tilsbury. How are you feeling to-day, Miss Tilsbury, quite rested?
MR. MELVIN.Did your daughter tell you, Mrs. Tilsbury, that she is educating me in the principles of Woman Suffrage?
MRS. BROWN.(Aside.) Another Mr. Van Tousel.
MRS. TILSBURY.No, she has never told me anything about you, Mr. Melvin.
MRS. BROWN.Has she succeeded yet in convincing you of its importance?
MR. MELVIN.No, it will be a slow process, I am afraid, but she has declared she will not give it up easily.
MRS. BROWN.She has great success with her other delinquent pupils, so she naturally feels encouraged to try to convert you.
MR. MELVIN.Here is the little book you loaned me.
MILDRED.Isn’t it splendid?
MRS. BROWN.What book is that?
MILDRED.It is called,How Women will Use the Ballot to Extend Home Influence. It is written by Sophie Slavinsky with a preface by Mrs. Thom.
MR. MELVIN.The English of the author might be improved upon.
MILDRED.But Miss Slavinsky is a foreigner. Wouldn’t you like to take it to read, Mrs. Brown?
MRS. BROWN.No, thank you. I really have no time to read. Why, I am so behind in society news even that I asked my maid to read me Urban Utterances this morning through the keyhole while I took my shower. I was going to lunch and I was afraid Iwouldn’t understand a word of the conversation if I didn’t study up beforehand.
MRS. TILSBURY.My manicure usually keeps me posted upon what is going on. She seems to know all the gossip about every one.
MRS. BROWN.The masseuse I had last winter when I was prostrated after Mr. Brown’s death was like that, but she found out such surprising things about people and excited me so much that the doctor stopped her coming. I used to lie awake all night after a massage instead of sleeping better as I was supposed to do.
MR. MELVIN.Are you not going to lend me another book, Miss Tilsbury?
MILDRED.I am afraid you are not sufficiently appreciative.
MR. MELVIN.I assure you my mind is open to conviction, only I don’t find Miss Slavinsky’s book convincing. You are not going to stop my education so soon as this surely. Backward and defective pupils are the most considered in these progressive times.
MRS. TILSBURY.(Speaking aside toMRS. BROWN.) Do something. He is making love to her before our very eyes.
MRS. BROWN.Here I go to the rescue. I did not know that Miss Slavinsky wrote books. I thought her vocation was to usher at the theatre.
MILDRED.That is what she is compelled to do, to support life, but her books are the expression of her soul.
MR. MELVIN.Are you so loyal to all your friends, Miss Tilsbury?
MILDRED.When I believe in them. I wish you could meet Sophie and then you would see for yourself what a splendid girl she is. She is coming for tea at five o’clock. Won’t you stay?
MR. MELVIN.Thank you. I should be very glad to.
MRS. TILSBURY.(Aside.) And it is just striking three now. Two hours before tea.
KATY.(Announcing.) Mr. Van Tousel!
(MR. VAN TOUSELenters.)
MR. VAN TOUSEL.Oh, Mrs. Tilsbury, I am so afraid I have kept you waiting, but I waited for my mother to bring me around in the carriage. I meet that Slavinsky girl so often passing the house that I have become quite anxious about going out alone. (He turns towardsMILDRED.) How is the champion of her sex this morning. How do you do, Mrs. Brown? Hello, Melvin. Hello, Tilsbury.
MR. MELVIN.How are you, Van Tousel? I am afraid I am keeping you, Mrs. Tilsbury. You have an engagement.
MRS. TILSBURY.We were going for a motor ride, Mr. Melvin, to see the line of war-ships in the North River.
MR. TILSBURY.I’ll put on my overcoat. It’s time we started.
(He goes out.)
MRS. TILSBURY.Mr. Tilsbury and I want to thank you, Mr. Melvin, for your kindness in bringing Mildred home the day of the parade, but we tell her that although in this case, of course, everything was all right, she ought not to be quite so ready to trust a stranger.
MR. MELVIN.I am afraid that she only had achoice between my taxicab and an ambulance that day, Mrs. Tilsbury, and the doctor in the ambulance would have been a stranger.
MRS. TILSBURY.She might have telephoned to us.
MILDRED.Why, Josephine, I was too dizzy headed to telephone. Everything was going round and round.
MRS. TILSBURY.Well, Mr. Melvin might have telephoned then, but of course, I suppose you did the best you could, Mr. Melvin. Only it seems a rather curious affair.
MRS. BROWN.I must go and put on my coat and pick up Cochon. I left him in the hall with the fur coats. I was afraid to bring him near the fire. Dear little thing, how he does love a motor ride. He grunts all the way.
(She goes out.)
MR. MELVIN.Good-bye, Mrs. Tilsbury, I am delighted to have met you. I hope you will enjoy your ride, Miss Tilsbury.
MILDRED.I am not going.
MRS. TILSBURYandMR. VAN TOUSEL. Not going! Why not?
MILDRED.No, I have a cold. I told you I wasn’t going at luncheon. Don’t you remember, Josephine? Won’t you stay and talk to me, Mr. Melvin?
MR. MELVIN.I should be delighted to, if you are sure it won’t make your cold worse.
MRS. TILSBURY.Why, I didn’t know you had a cold, Mildred. You said at luncheon that you had a headache.
MILDRED.Well, that was brought about by the cold.
MRS. TILSBURY.You look so well. I thought it had passed off.
(Re-enterMRS. BROWNin fur coat withCOCHONunder her arm.)
(Re-enterMRS. BROWNin fur coat withCOCHONunder her arm.)
MRS. BROWN.Doesn’t Cochon match my coat nicely?
MRS. TILSBURY.Mildred is not going with us. She says she has a cold.
MRS. BROWN.Oh, come along, Mildred. The fresh air will do your cold good.
MR. VAN TOUSEL.Yes, Miss Mildred. Don’t disappoint us in this way. Melvin will come and see you another time.
MRS. BROWN.Why won’t Mr. Melvin come with us?
MR. MELVIN.Thank you. I can’t very well. I have an engagement for four o’clock.
MRS. BROWN.I thought you were going to stay here for tea at five o’clock.
MR. MELVIN.I was coming back to tea to meet Miss Slavinsky.
(MR. TILSBURYreturns dressed in fur coat and goggles.)
(MR. TILSBURYreturns dressed in fur coat and goggles.)
MR. TILSBURY.Come along, Josephine. Are you not ready yet? The days are growing so short that we ought to start right away if we are going to return before dark.
MRS. BROWN.We are waiting for Mildred.
MRS. TILSBURY.(Decidedly.) If you do not feel well enough to go, Mildred, I will stay at home with you. Perhaps we had best send for the doctor.
MILDRED.Oh, don’t stay at home for me, Josephine. I shall be all right.
MR. MELVIN.I will take good care of her, Mrs. Tilsbury. Don’t worry.
MRS. BROWN.(Aside.) No doubt he will. (ToMILDRED.) Let me stay with you, Mildred dear.
MILDRED.Oh, no, Mrs. Brown. Cochon would be so disappointed.
MR. TILSBURY.Come, come, Josephine, we can go and be back in less time than you take to argue about it.
MRS. TILSBURY.(ToMRS. BROWN.) Men are so dense. What shall I do?
MRS. BROWN.Go and come back.
MRS. TILSBURY.I guess that will be best. (Making a last effort.) Are you sure you won’t go, Mildred? You wouldn’t feel cold sitting between Mrs. Brown and me on the back seat and this is your last chance you know. The fleet sails away to-morrow.
MR. VAN TOUSEL.You oughtn’t to miss seeing it, Miss Mildred. It is an international event.
MILDRED.But what would become of Cochon? He will have to sit between you and Mrs. Brown, Josephine.
MRS. TILSBURY.We will leave Cochon here.
MILDRED.Oh, no! That would be a pity. He enjoys automobiling so much. Do hurry, Josephine. Here, let me hold your coat for you.
MR. TILSBURY.(From below.) Josephine, are you coming? It will be dark before we start.
MRS. TILSBURY.Yes, dear, we’re all ready. Good-bye, Mildred. Take good care of yourself. Good-bye, Mr. Melvin.
ALL.Good-bye, good-bye. (Exit all butMILDREDandMELVIN.)
MR. MELVIN.(Softly.) At last they have all gone. Do they always bother you like this?
MILDRED.Yes, Josephine fusses over me all the time. Fortunately this week she has been busy over her drawing and I have been a little free to do what I chose. Oh, what am I saying?
MR. MELVIN.You were unconsciously paying me an indirect compliment which it was very sweet to me to hear.
MILDRED.I have done lots of things that I wanted to do this week, Mr. Melvin. You weren’t the only thing.
MR. MELVIN.Am I a thing?
MILDRED.Well, people then. I have seen lots of people.
MR. MELVIN.(Suspiciously.) Men?
MILDRED.Men and women both. (To change the subject.) I don’t know but what you were right about the Daughters of the Danaïdes, Mr. Melvin.
MR. MELVIN.Right how?
MILDRED.About their drawing water in a sieve. I am beginning to be very discouraged. We do not seem to accomplish anything. There doesn’t seem to be any prospect of our ever really accomplishing anything, and sometimes I am not sure that the others care; even Mrs. Thom seems to enjoy the excitement more than she is concerned about results.
MR. MELVIN.Why, do you know, I am beginning to be of just the opposite opinion and to believe that societies like the Daughters of the Danaïdes do a lotof good in teaching women to organize and to think and to prepare themselves eventually for the vote.
MILDRED.Then we are just as far apart in agreeing as ever—since we have both turned around.
MR. MELVIN.Not at all, for we have each had two points of view now and can sympathize better with each other.
MILDRED.I am so glad to talk with you. I feel so lonely. Josephine and I have so little in common and Mrs. Thom and Sophie have such different ideas from mine. I am afraid I am not strong minded.
MR. MELVIN.Don’t be. Talk to me all you want. I think you have beautiful ideas.
MILDRED.They are very foolish ones I am afraid.
MR. MELVIN.Not to me. Mildred, marry me and then we can talk over these matters more intimately as men and women should, and then we could help each other to understand all these questions better.
MILDRED.I never thought of this.
MR. MELVIN.No, but I have and I want you very much dear. I can teach you to carry water in a sieve in a more scientific way than the old Danaïdes ever thought of.
MILDRED.How is that? Will you stop up the holes?
MR. MELVIN.No, that would take too long. I have a better plan. We will freeze the water into ice.
MILDRED.If I married you what would papa and Josephine do without me? I have all the money, you know, and support the house.
MR. MELVIN.That could be arranged. I haveplenty of money for both you and me and I am making more all the time. The Cornering Trust is in splendid condition.
MILDRED.And mamma’s portrait, I should hate to leave it. It is my Guardian Angel, you know.
MR. MELVIN.I have a splendid idea. We’ll buy the portrait. We will pay an enormous price for it and establish a record value. Then we will have the picture and your father will have enough to live on. He would be willing to part with the portrait, wouldn’t he?
MILDRED.I think so, to me at any rate. It is by Madrazo. It is really a valuable painting.
MR. MELVIN.Then, Mildred, dear, please do not try to think of any more objections. I should try very hard to make you happy.
MILDRED.We have known each other for so short a time.
MR. MELVIN.That is very true. We must begin to grow better acquainted at once. (He takes her hand in his.) Suppose I give you a few lessons in how to fall in love in exchange for those lessons in the principles of women’s rights.
MILDRED.I am afraid you are not very serious.
MR. MELVIN.Forgive me, sweetheart, if I seem frivolous. I have never felt more serious in my life. (Puts his arm around her.)
(EnterMR.andMRS. TILSBURY,followed byMRS. BROWNwho holds a handkerchief to her eyes and is assisted to walk byMR. VAN TOUSEL.)
(EnterMR.andMRS. TILSBURY,followed byMRS. BROWNwho holds a handkerchief to her eyes and is assisted to walk byMR. VAN TOUSEL.)
MRS. TILSBURY.A tire broke and we were obliged to come home in a trolley car.
MR. TILSBURY.I don’t see what was the matter with that tire. It was only put on last week.
MRS. BROWN.And Cochon is killed.
MR. VAN TOUSEL.And my fur coat has been stolen.
ALL.(SeeingMELVINandMILDRED.) Oh!
MILDRED.Mr. Melvin and I are engaged, papa.
MR. TILSBURY.Engaged without asking my consent! I forbid it.
MR. MELVIN.(Understanding his thoughts.) I was just going to ask it, Tilsbury. I am going to take two treasures away from you at once,—your daughter and your late wife’s portrait. Mildred wants it and I will give you $200,000 for it.
MRS. TILSBURY.(Aside.) Thank Heaven, I shall not be obliged to go to any more Woman Suffrage meetings.
MR. TILSBURY.Melvin, this is a surprise to me. You must let me think it over.
MRS. TILSBURY.(Aside.) And to get rid of the old portrait too. The whole thing is too good to be true. (ToMR. TILSBURY.) Don’t keep Mr. Melvin in suspense, George. The cruel parent is out of fashion nowadays.
MILDRED.Dear papa, Edward and I are going to be so happy together.
MR. TILSBURY.(Aside.) Two hundred thousand dollars and my commissions as trustee. Melvin has his hands so full now, he won’t want to bother with the care of Mildred’s little fortune. (ToMELVIN.) Melvin, I will entrust my daughter to your hands. I am sure you are worthy of her. As to the portrait—bitter as it is to me to part with this last token ofmy late wife’s affection bequeathed to me in her will, yet for Mildred’s sake I will give you her dear mother’s portrait for $200,000.
KATY.(Announcing.) Mrs. Thom.
(MRS. THOMenters.)
MRS. BROWN.Two broken tires in one day and Cochon dead. It is too much. (Sobs.)
MRS. THOM.I was so disappointed that you couldn’t come to pour tea at the Suffrage reception yesterday. I am so sorry you have been ill, dear child. I hope you are feeling better to-day. (Looks at her suspiciously.)
MILDRED.Yes, indeed, Mrs. Thom, I am quite recovered, thank you. I hated to fall out the last minute, but I had such a bad headache that I could not have carried the tea in the sieve—the tea strainer, I mean.
MRS. THOM.Well, you must come next week. The teas are to be held at the Club-house every Friday during the month. The cups all have “Votes for Women” on them, and I charge fifty cents for a cup of tea and the purchaser carries the cup home. It is a very good arrangement, for we make quite a little sum in our sales and the cups remind the purchasers of the cause.
MRS. TILSBURY.I am afraid Mildred will not have much time for Woman Suffrage teas at present, Mrs. Thom. She has just become engaged to Mr. Melvin.
MRS. THOM.Mildred engaged! Why, when did that happen?
MRS. TILSBURY.About an hour ago. It is a result of your Woman Suffrage Parade. Mr. Melvin sawMildred home in a taxi cab on that day, you remember.
MRS. THOM.Dear child, I hope you will be happy, but knowing from my own case and from that of many of my friends how unequal are the risks that men and women assume in the married state, I can only tremble for your future. Of course your fiancé believes in the cause, otherwise you would not have accepted him.
MILDRED.Oh, Josephine, how could you! We were not going to announce our engagement just yet.
MRS. TILSBURY.I thought you were announcing it rather emphatically when we came in.
MILDRED.I want to introduce you to Mr. Melvin, Mrs. Thom. He has just finished reading your preface to Sophie’s book and is delighted to have the opportunity to tell you how much he enjoyed it.
MR. MELVIN.I am glad to meet you, Mrs. Thom, but I cannot claim your friendship on false pretences. I regret to say I skipped your preface. It is the one thing I have learned from the Shavian philosophy, but I will ask Mildred to tell me about it sometime.
MRS. THOM.Of course your fiancé has signed the petition, Mildred?
MR. MELVIN.No, Mrs. Thom, I do not believe sufficiently in “the cause” to be willing to sign the petition.
MRS. THOM.Do you know what petition I mean?
MR. MELVIN.Certainly: the petition to the State Legislature for the Enfranchisement of Women Citizens.
MRS. THOM.You know about the petition and yet you refuse to subscribe to it! Mildred, dear, this is a question of your future happiness. I might almostsay of your future safety. Reflect before it is too late what it means to put yourself in the power of a man who believes in the continued enslavement of women.
MR. MELVIN.Oh, Mrs. Thom, you are too severe. If I am in no hurry to see women voting and a reduplication of the ignorant vote, I refuse to be called a Bluebeard. I believe that noble women are inherent queens above the vote, not below it.
MRS. THOM.In England they class women with children and lunatics in barring them from political rights. In New York, the Constitution extends the vote to any male citizen over twenty-one years old regardless of whether he is sane or insane. Even a lunatic if he be a male is held superior to a woman.
MRS. BROWN.That’s because so many men are a little queer. If votes could be challenged for craziness as well as for illegal residence the watchers at the polls would never finish their tasks.
MR. VAN TOUSEL.I want to wish you every happiness, Miss Mildred, but like Mrs. Thom, I feel a little uncertain about your future. A woman who is so strong on the subject of Woman Suffrage as you are ought to marry a man who could sympathize with her.
MILDRED.Oh, but Edward does sympathize with me. He has been sympathizing with me all the week. I never met any one who understood me so well.
MR. VAN TOUSEL.Perhaps I should have said sympathize in “the cause.” A man and a woman who believe in the same cause when joined together can do so much for its advancement.
MILDRED.I will convert him after we are married.
MRS. THOM.It will be too late then. Conversionafter marriage is like putting yeast in bread after it is baked. It cannot raise the fallen.
(EnterSOPHIE SLAVINSKYandBECKER.The latter a little shamefaced.)
(EnterSOPHIE SLAVINSKYandBECKER.The latter a little shamefaced.)
KATY.(Announcing.) Mr. and Mrs. Becker!
MILDRED.Oh, Sophie, I am so glad to see you. I want to be the first to tell you of my engagement to Mr. Melvin, since Josephine has already let the cat out of the bag.
SOPHIE.How lovely! Let me kiss you. Marriage is true happiness for a woman. We must have a little talk together, you and I. (Turning to others.) How do you all do, you dear good people.
MRS. TILSBURY.How do you do, Miss Slavinsky.
SOPHIE.Mrs. Becker, please, Mrs. Theodore Halowell Becker. We have just been married by the Mayor and I stopped here to see Mildred before we start on the honeymoon.Nicht Wahr, dearest? (To Becker.)
MRS. THOM.You have married that man—that monster who tramples the rights of women beneath his feet like worms in the dust!
SOPHIE.We have—what you call it?—swapped votes, like two men, a Republican and a Democrat, when they want to go play golf on election day. They two agree, not one will vote. Then everything is cancelled. So Mr. Becker and me—he is a great big opponent to the cause and I am a strong advocate. If we both keep quiet the result is zero, see?
MRS. BROWN.Ah, yes, you and Mr. Becker have become two adjacent hemispheres.
SOPHIE.(After a slight pause.) Yes, every brainconsists of two hemispheres, and I am proud to be a hemisphere of Mr. Becker’s great, big, splendid brain.
MILDRED.This is such a beautiful surprise. Sophie, dear, do tell us how it all happened.
SOPHIE.Well, you see that day when Mr. Becker met me here, he came to the theatre the next night to see if I really usher and he bought his ticket so late he was obliged to take a way back and sit down seat; almost under the—what do you call it?—oh, yes, the undress circle where people wear their business clothes. Just as I had shown him his place and had pushed down his seat and made him comfortable, and had given him a programme, which he had forgot to take, and was going to help him off with his overcoat, I happened to look up, and there was a big pair of opera-glasses falling down from the undress circle right towards his dear little bald spot, as if it were a bull’s-eye, and I put out my arm and it hit my arm instead of his head and made one great blue spot. It is there yet, see. (Bares arm.)
MILDRED.You saved Mr. Becker’s life and then he married you! How romantic! It is just like Edward and me, only it was Edward that saved my life that day of the Parade.
MR. BECKER.Pardon me, Miss Tilsbury, you women——
SOPHIE.Dear!
MR. BECKER.Except you, Sophie, you women all generalize from one example. Sophie did probably save my life, but Mr. Melvin can hardly be said to have saved yours.
SOPHIE.Is he not sweet? He has promised nowwhenever he says “you women” to make of me an exception.
MILDRED.But go on with your story, Sophie. What happened next when you had saved Mr. Becker’s head from the opera-glasses?
MRS. BROWN.Did the owner ever claim them?
SOPHIE.I don’t know. I returned them to the lost and found office. Well, my arm was so hurted that I could not usher any more this last week. How could I put out disorderly audiences with one arm laid up in a sling? Well, Mr. Becker came to see me every day with flowers and—well, love did the rest.
MILDRED.Well, dear Sophie, I am so glad you are happy.
MRS. THOM.I suppose we shall not see you at the tea on next Friday.
SOPHIE.No, we are going to Niagara, for our honeymoon. It is train time now, Theodore,nicht wahr?
MR. BECKER.I think we should be starting. You women—except you, Sophie—are so apt to miss trains.
SOPHIE.Au revoir.Auf wiedersehen!See you later.
MR. VAN TOUSEL.Good-bye. My congratulations, Becker.
(TheBeckersleave after embraces and kisses.)
MR. VAN TOUSEL.There but for the kindness of Providence goes Henry Van Tousel.
MILDRED.Dear me, hasn’t this been a wonderful afternoon! Poor little me engaged and Sophie married!
MR. MELVIN.It has been the most successful day of my life.
MRS. TILSBURY.Well, it is all the result of your Parade, Mrs. Thom. The Parade seems to have been a more speedy matchmaker than a dancing class.
MRS. THOM.I shall not stay here to be insulted.
MILDRED.Oh, Mrs. Thom, no one is insulting you. Don’t spoil this beautiful day. Let me give you a cup of tea. I am going to celebrate my engagement by giving a little gift to the cause.
MR. MELVIN.I will double it, Mrs. Thom.
MRS. BROWN.(Aside.) It is probably the last.
MRS. THOM.Make the check out to me please, Mary Henrietta Thom. We have no treasurer at present, and I am taking charge of the donations. I won’t stay for tea, thank you. I have an engagement and I know that you and Mr. Melvin have a lot to say to each other. Good-bye, dear child. May you be happy. (She kissesMILDRED,bows to the others, and goes.)
MRS. BROWN.(Aside toMRS. TILSBURY.) Well, there does not seem to be any one left for me but Mr. Van Tousel and his vice-president mother.
MRS. TILSBURY.Cheer up, dear, no one ever made a success out of a vice-presidency except Roosevelt.
MRS. BROWN.Well, I will hope for the best. Mr. Van Tousel, I feel so upset over Cochon’s death. I am afraid to go home alone. Will you see me around the corner? It is not very far. The apartment will be so lonesome without Cochon.
MR. VAN TOUSEL.Certainly, I will see you home, Mrs. Brown. I am coming in to call on you too. Ihave never been before because somehow I could not reconcile my idea of you as a lovely woman with a pig as a companion.
MRS. TILSBURY.Beauty and the Beast, Mr. Van Tousel.
MR. VAN TOUSEL.True, I had forgotten that tale.
MILDRED.How was Cochon killed, Mrs. Brown, or would it make you feel too badly to tell me about it?
MRS. BROWN.He fell out of the automobile and was run over by an automobile coming in the opposite direction. Oh dear.
MR. VAN TOUSEL.Come, Mrs. Brown. Let me give you my arm. Good-afternoon, Mrs. Tilsbury. Thank you for a delightful ride. Best wishes, Miss Tilsbury, and to you, Melvin.
MRS. BROWN.Good-bye, Josephine. I will telephone in the morning.
MRS. TILSBURY.I think I know what it will be about. Good luck to you, Imogene.
(MRS. BROWNandMR. VAN TOUSELgo out.)
MILDRED.Is she going to have a funeral for Cochon?
MR. TILSBURY.No, she sold him to a butcher for twenty-five dollars while Mr. Van Tousel went around the corner to get her sal volatile at a chemist’s. Cochon was killed at a convenient place,—right opposite a butcher’s shop. Then she closed at once with the people in the other automobile for fifty dollars for all damages. Good business woman, Mrs. Brown. Good friend for you, Josephine, but she’ll do you some day.
MRS. TILSBURY.Well, as my duties as a chaperoneseem to be over, I think I shall return to my art. You will dine with us to-night, will you not, Mr. Melvin? We shall be quiteen famille.
MR. MELVIN.Thank you, I should like to very much.
MR. TILSBURY.Well, I am off to the Club. See you later, Melvin.
(MR.andMRS. TILSBURYgo out.)
MR. MELVIN.Hereafter I am going to change the war-cry to the singular, and say, “Votes for one woman.”
MILDRED.And I shall say, “Votes for one man.”
(Curtain.)