Chapter VIIISENTENCE CLEARNESS
Sentences exist for the purpose of conveying thought from one mind to another. The manner of their expression must, therefore, be such that the thought expressed is obvious and unmistakable. Otherwise, sentences not only fail of their purpose but often lead to confusion, to misunderstanding, and even to disaster. The quality which renders their meaning obvious and unmistakable is called clearness.
400. Definite pronouns (he,she,it,this,that,who,which) must have obvious antecedents.
Insufficient.They say that the timber supply in the United States will soon be exhausted.Better.Forest experts say that the timber supply in the United States will soon be exhausted.Revise.Yesterday I saw Mr. Jonathan Oldcastle. She has just returned from Europe, you know.
Insufficient.They say that the timber supply in the United States will soon be exhausted.
Better.Forest experts say that the timber supply in the United States will soon be exhausted.
Revise.Yesterday I saw Mr. Jonathan Oldcastle. She has just returned from Europe, you know.
401. Make an ambiguous pronoun clear by placing it nearer its antecedent.
Confusing.Father told us of a meadow near his old home, which was now under water.Unmistakable.Father told us that near his old home there used to be a meadow which is now under water.Revise.In order to succeed at football one must be willing to live up to all the rules of training, to refrain from smoking, to shun society, and to put one’s whole soul into it.
Confusing.Father told us of a meadow near his old home, which was now under water.
Unmistakable.Father told us that near his old home there used to be a meadow which is now under water.
Revise.In order to succeed at football one must be willing to live up to all the rules of training, to refrain from smoking, to shun society, and to put one’s whole soul into it.
402. Change indirect discourse to direct discourse to make an antecedent obvious.
Equivocal.Clark told Andrews he had made an error.Clear.Clark said, “Andrews, you made an error.”Revise.George, talking with Bill, said that he ought to be ashamed of himself.
Equivocal.Clark told Andrews he had made an error.
Clear.Clark said, “Andrews, you made an error.”
Revise.George, talking with Bill, said that he ought to be ashamed of himself.
403. Never designate the antecedent of a pronoun by repeating it within parentheses.
Wrong.John told Tom that he (John) had not made the team.Right.John said to Tom, “I have not made the team.”Revise.John told Tom that he (Tom) had not made the team.
Wrong.John told Tom that he (John) had not made the team.
Right.John said to Tom, “I have not made the team.”
Revise.John told Tom that he (Tom) had not made the team.
404. Repeat a distant noun or supply a new one rather than use an obscure pronoun.
Not good.I felt sure that the parade would not be ready to start for an hour yet, as there were no soldiers about, and it was only one o’clock; so I decided to walk out toward the edge of town, taking care, however, to remain upon the street along which I knew it would pass.Better.I felt sure that the parade would not be ready to start for an hour yet, as there were no soldiers about, and it was only one o’clock; so I decided to walk out toward the edge of town, taking care, however, to remain upon the street along which I knew the parade would pass.Revise.The men in my company who had dissipated before entering the army found, during the long marches necessary in the Argonne Forest, that it was hard to keep up with it.
Not good.I felt sure that the parade would not be ready to start for an hour yet, as there were no soldiers about, and it was only one o’clock; so I decided to walk out toward the edge of town, taking care, however, to remain upon the street along which I knew it would pass.
Better.I felt sure that the parade would not be ready to start for an hour yet, as there were no soldiers about, and it was only one o’clock; so I decided to walk out toward the edge of town, taking care, however, to remain upon the street along which I knew the parade would pass.
Revise.The men in my company who had dissipated before entering the army found, during the long marches necessary in the Argonne Forest, that it was hard to keep up with it.
405. Repeat the noun rather than use a pronoun that refers to an unemphatic antecedent.
Unimpressive.Yesterday I saw Mrs. Hamlin in a new car designed by the Fisher company. Almost all cars designed by them are distinctive.Better.Yesterday I saw Mrs. Hamlin in a new car designed by the Fisher company. Almost all cars designed by that company are distinctive.Revise.Silos made of concrete are of greater value than any other kind because they last longer. This is easy to use and is cheaper in the end than any other material.
Unimpressive.Yesterday I saw Mrs. Hamlin in a new car designed by the Fisher company. Almost all cars designed by them are distinctive.
Better.Yesterday I saw Mrs. Hamlin in a new car designed by the Fisher company. Almost all cars designed by that company are distinctive.
Revise.Silos made of concrete are of greater value than any other kind because they last longer. This is easy to use and is cheaper in the end than any other material.
406. Place adverbs likeonly,almost,ever,nearly,just,hardly,scarcely,merely,quitenext to and usually before the words they modify.
Misleading.He would only lend me five dollars.Accurate.He would lend me only five dollars.Revise.I don’t ever want to see him again.
Misleading.He would only lend me five dollars.
Accurate.He would lend me only five dollars.
Revise.I don’t ever want to see him again.
407. Place negatives before the words they modify.
Untaught.Everybody has not read the Bible.Better.Not everybody has read the Bible.Revise.All men were not born to be hanged.
Untaught.Everybody has not read the Bible.
Better.Not everybody has read the Bible.
Revise.All men were not born to be hanged.
408. Use correlative conjunctions to connect only co-ordinate expressions.
Wrong.I knew I would be compelled either to salute him or he would have me put in the guard house.Right.I knew I would be compelled either to salute him or to spend a week in the guard house.Revise.It was not only necessary for me to save all the money I could, but I knew I should have to earn more than I had ever earned before.
Wrong.I knew I would be compelled either to salute him or he would have me put in the guard house.
Right.I knew I would be compelled either to salute him or to spend a week in the guard house.
Revise.It was not only necessary for me to save all the money I could, but I knew I should have to earn more than I had ever earned before.
409. Place correlative conjunctions as close as possible to the expressions they connect.
Faulty.He was not only an expert marksman but he also was a skilled horseman.Improved.He was not only an expert marksman but also a skilled horseman.Revise.Military training both teaches a man to think quickly and to command others.
Faulty.He was not only an expert marksman but he also was a skilled horseman.
Improved.He was not only an expert marksman but also a skilled horseman.
Revise.Military training both teaches a man to think quickly and to command others.
410. Place every subordinate clause so that its relation to the main clause is immediately evident.
Uncertain.He knew when the time came what he would do.Certain.When the time came he knew what he would do.Revise.Someone I knew would come in.
Uncertain.He knew when the time came what he would do.
Certain.When the time came he knew what he would do.
Revise.Someone I knew would come in.
411. Place relative clauses immediately after their antecedents.
Doubtful.A man came up and spoke to my brother whom I had never seen before.Plain.A man whom I had never seen before came up and spoke to my brother.Revise.The ship flew a strange flag that came in yesterday.
Doubtful.A man came up and spoke to my brother whom I had never seen before.
Plain.A man whom I had never seen before came up and spoke to my brother.
Revise.The ship flew a strange flag that came in yesterday.
412. Place subordinate clauses so that their verbs cannot be confused with the verbs of main clauses.
Absurd.The horse snorted as Jackson spoke and kicked up his heels.Correct.As Jackson spoke, the horse snorted and kicked up his heels.Revise.The wind stormed across the desert where the corpse lay and whistled.
Absurd.The horse snorted as Jackson spoke and kicked up his heels.
Correct.As Jackson spoke, the horse snorted and kicked up his heels.
Revise.The wind stormed across the desert where the corpse lay and whistled.
413. Place every modifying phrase so that the expression it modifies is unmistakable.
Misleading.The captain says that if your rifles are not clean day after tomorrow he will put every one of you in the guard house.Clear.The captain says that if day after tomorrow your rifles are not clean he will put every one of you in the guard house.Revise.When he took his seat much to his chagrin the lights went out.
Misleading.The captain says that if your rifles are not clean day after tomorrow he will put every one of you in the guard house.
Clear.The captain says that if day after tomorrow your rifles are not clean he will put every one of you in the guard house.
Revise.When he took his seat much to his chagrin the lights went out.
414. Place co-ordinate modifiers one after another.
Halting.Even though he had never seen you before, he would let you know who he was if he liked your appearance.Secure.Even though he had never seen you before, if he liked your appearance he would let you know who he was.Revise.If Friday is a holiday, I shall drive home if the roads are good.
Halting.Even though he had never seen you before, he would let you know who he was if he liked your appearance.
Secure.Even though he had never seen you before, if he liked your appearance he would let you know who he was.
Revise.If Friday is a holiday, I shall drive home if the roads are good.
415. Make a participial phrase modify the noun or pronoun which it ought obviously to modify; or change the construction.
Ludicrous.Standing upon the dome of Old Capitol, Iowa avenue presents an unusual view.Better.Standing upon the dome of Old Capitol, one gets an unusual view of Iowa avenue.Better.If one stands upon the dome of Old Capitol, one gets an unusual view of Iowa avenue.Revise.Coming out on the train Pike’s Peak is seen.
Ludicrous.Standing upon the dome of Old Capitol, Iowa avenue presents an unusual view.
Better.Standing upon the dome of Old Capitol, one gets an unusual view of Iowa avenue.
Better.If one stands upon the dome of Old Capitol, one gets an unusual view of Iowa avenue.
Revise.Coming out on the train Pike’s Peak is seen.
416. Change a participle preceded bythusinto a clause if the participle cannot logically modify the subject of the preceding verb.
Wrong.She had to wait until everybody else in the room was served, thus causing her to be late.Right.She had to wait until everybody else in the room was served, and the delay caused her to be late.Revise.The bridges were all down between Storm Lake and Altoona, thus making all the trains late.
Wrong.She had to wait until everybody else in the room was served, thus causing her to be late.
Right.She had to wait until everybody else in the room was served, and the delay caused her to be late.
Revise.The bridges were all down between Storm Lake and Altoona, thus making all the trains late.
417. Make a participle preceded by a conjunction agree with the noun to which it obviously belongs; or change the construction.
Ridiculous.Tuesday, when wearing my new hat, a rainstorm came up and ruined it.Correct.Tuesday, when I was wearing my new hat, a rainstorm came up and ruined it.Revise.While eating my supper last night, one of the calves got out and ran into the corn field.
Ridiculous.Tuesday, when wearing my new hat, a rainstorm came up and ruined it.
Correct.Tuesday, when I was wearing my new hat, a rainstorm came up and ruined it.
Revise.While eating my supper last night, one of the calves got out and ran into the corn field.
418. A phrase beginning with the adjectiveduecan refer only to a noun. (See 372.)
Wrong.He was ill, due to overeating.Right.His illness was due to overeating.Revise.The train stopped, due to boiler trouble.
Wrong.He was ill, due to overeating.
Right.His illness was due to overeating.
Revise.The train stopped, due to boiler trouble.
419. Make a gerund prepositional phrase modify the noun or pronoun which it ought obviously to modify; or change the construction.
Ludicrous.In speaking to Sparks yesterday, he told me that the team was in excellent condition.Clear.In speaking to Sparks yesterday, I learned that the team was in excellent condition.Revise.In trying to show Helen how to start her motor, she almost ran over me.
Ludicrous.In speaking to Sparks yesterday, he told me that the team was in excellent condition.
Clear.In speaking to Sparks yesterday, I learned that the team was in excellent condition.
Revise.In trying to show Helen how to start her motor, she almost ran over me.
420. In parallel subordinate clauses repeat the subordinating conjunction with each clause after the first.
Unequal.She had heard that her mother had died suddenly after a short but violent illness, and her father had struck oil.Accurate.She had heard that her mother had died suddenly after a short but violent illness, and that her father had struck oil.Revise.Although the water rose steadily during the spring thaw, and the dam was on the point of giving way under the pressure, the engineer obstinately insisted that there was no danger.
Unequal.She had heard that her mother had died suddenly after a short but violent illness, and her father had struck oil.
Accurate.She had heard that her mother had died suddenly after a short but violent illness, and that her father had struck oil.
Revise.Although the water rose steadily during the spring thaw, and the dam was on the point of giving way under the pressure, the engineer obstinately insisted that there was no danger.
421. Repeat auxiliary verb forms with their principals.
Improper co-ordination.We shall have to leave town and need an automobile.Improved.We shall have to leave town and shall need an automobile.Revise.A quarterback must see where the hole in the line is and take advantage of it.
Improper co-ordination.We shall have to leave town and need an automobile.
Improved.We shall have to leave town and shall need an automobile.
Revise.A quarterback must see where the hole in the line is and take advantage of it.
422. Repeat thetobefore each infinitive in a series.
Not co-ordinate.He came to see the house, bargain for it, and buy it if terms could be agreed upon.Co-ordinate.He came to see the house, to bargain for it, and to buy it if terms could be agreed upon.Revise.Not only was it necessary for us to read the book, remember what was in it, and be able to recite upon it, but also write a paper upon it, and read the paper before the class.
Not co-ordinate.He came to see the house, bargain for it, and buy it if terms could be agreed upon.
Co-ordinate.He came to see the house, to bargain for it, and to buy it if terms could be agreed upon.
Revise.Not only was it necessary for us to read the book, remember what was in it, and be able to recite upon it, but also write a paper upon it, and read the paper before the class.
423. Repeat the preposition with each object.
Obscure.She went to Chicago and the capital of the state.Better.She went to Chicago and to the capital of the state.Revise.The positions were offered to soldiers, athletes, and virile men generally.
Obscure.She went to Chicago and the capital of the state.
Better.She went to Chicago and to the capital of the state.
Revise.The positions were offered to soldiers, athletes, and virile men generally.
424. Repeat the article with each noun in a series.
Confusing.They needed a minister, doctor, and lawyer at once.Clear.They needed a minister, a doctor, and a lawyer at once.Revise.I met the merchant and postmaster of the little town as well as the sheriff and justice of the peace.
Confusing.They needed a minister, doctor, and lawyer at once.
Clear.They needed a minister, a doctor, and a lawyer at once.
Revise.I met the merchant and postmaster of the little town as well as the sheriff and justice of the peace.
425. Repeat the possessive with each noun in a series.
Bad.I asked her the names of her sister and puppy.Better.I asked her the names of her sister and of her puppy.Revise.He watched his horse, cow, and pig break through into the wheat.
Bad.I asked her the names of her sister and puppy.
Better.I asked her the names of her sister and of her puppy.
Revise.He watched his horse, cow, and pig break through into the wheat.
426. Give the same structure only to ideas similar in thought.
Misleading.Golf is a game that requires skill, poise, good temper, and clubs that exactly suit you.Better.Golf is a game that requires skill, poise, and good temper. These qualities, however, will avail little unless one has clubs that exactly suit him.Revise.The new hospital was erected to the memory of John Shuler and for the benefit of crippled children.
Misleading.Golf is a game that requires skill, poise, good temper, and clubs that exactly suit you.
Better.Golf is a game that requires skill, poise, and good temper. These qualities, however, will avail little unless one has clubs that exactly suit him.
Revise.The new hospital was erected to the memory of John Shuler and for the benefit of crippled children.
427. After a long or involved series, use a summarizing word before continuing the sentence.
Inadequate.To live uprightly, to be amiable always, and to be considerate of others even to the point of inconvenience are the essentials of gentleness.Better.To live uprightly, to be amiable always, and to be considerate of others even to the point of inconvenience—these are the essentials of gentleness.Revise.O wise and upright judge, O learned in the law, O guide, philosopher, and friend, be my rock and refuge.
Inadequate.To live uprightly, to be amiable always, and to be considerate of others even to the point of inconvenience are the essentials of gentleness.
Better.To live uprightly, to be amiable always, and to be considerate of others even to the point of inconvenience—these are the essentials of gentleness.
Revise.O wise and upright judge, O learned in the law, O guide, philosopher, and friend, be my rock and refuge.
428. Useandto connect only those expressions which are in the same construction. (See 374.)
Bad.We then studied chemistry, a subject much more interesting than history, and which I enjoyed thoroughly.Better.We then studied chemistry, a subject much more interesting than history, and one which I enjoyed thoroughly.Revise.Jacob Sturm was a man of much wealth, and who came to this country twenty years ago.
Bad.We then studied chemistry, a subject much more interesting than history, and which I enjoyed thoroughly.
Better.We then studied chemistry, a subject much more interesting than history, and one which I enjoyed thoroughly.
Revise.Jacob Sturm was a man of much wealth, and who came to this country twenty years ago.
429. Usebutto connect only those expressions which are in the same construction.
Bad.I started into high school resolved to make the most of my opportunities, but in no long time deciding to have all the fun I could.Better.I started into high school resolved to make the most of my opportunities, but in no long time I decided to have all the fun I could.Revise.The colonel issued an order about mounts, but which nobody could understand.
Bad.I started into high school resolved to make the most of my opportunities, but in no long time deciding to have all the fun I could.
Better.I started into high school resolved to make the most of my opportunities, but in no long time I decided to have all the fun I could.
Revise.The colonel issued an order about mounts, but which nobody could understand.
430. After a comparative degree, exclude the subject of comparison from the class with which it is compared.
Wrong.Platinum is more valuable than any metal.Right.Platinum is more valuable than any other metal.Revise.Morvich was swifter than any racehorse of his day.
Wrong.Platinum is more valuable than any metal.
Right.Platinum is more valuable than any other metal.
Revise.Morvich was swifter than any racehorse of his day.
431. After a superlative degree, include the subject of comparison within the class with which it is compared.
Wrong.Shakespeare is the greatest of any other poet.Right.Shakespeare is the greatest of all poets.Revise.A slave is the most miserable of all other men.
Wrong.Shakespeare is the greatest of any other poet.
Right.Shakespeare is the greatest of all poets.
Revise.A slave is the most miserable of all other men.
432. Avoid an inconsistent change of person within the sentence.
Wrong.You can lead a horse to water, but nobody can make him drink.Right.You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink.Revise.I have done the best I could, and I do not think a person should be required to do more.
Wrong.You can lead a horse to water, but nobody can make him drink.
Right.You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink.
Revise.I have done the best I could, and I do not think a person should be required to do more.
433. Avoid an inconsistent change of number within the sentence.
Wrong.Tillie, Margaret, and Ann each took their seats.Right.Tillie, Margaret, and Ann each took her seat.Revise.Everybody should save their money while they are young.
Wrong.Tillie, Margaret, and Ann each took their seats.
Right.Tillie, Margaret, and Ann each took her seat.
Revise.Everybody should save their money while they are young.
434. Avoid an inconsistent change of tense within the sentence.
Wrong.As soon as the train came in, he hurries home.Right.As soon as the train came in, he hurried home.Revise.No matter what he tries, things never came out as he expected them to.
Wrong.As soon as the train came in, he hurries home.
Right.As soon as the train came in, he hurried home.
Revise.No matter what he tries, things never came out as he expected them to.
435. Avoid an inconsistent change of mood within the sentence.
Wrong.Unless it is too hard and take too much time I can finish by noon.Right.Unless it is too hard and takes too much time I can finish by noon.Revise.Sand is all right in the back yard, but keep it out of the front yard.
Wrong.Unless it is too hard and take too much time I can finish by noon.
Right.Unless it is too hard and takes too much time I can finish by noon.
Revise.Sand is all right in the back yard, but keep it out of the front yard.
436. Avoid an inconsistent change of voice within the sentence.
Wrong.The troops were taken up in trucks but came back on the train.Right.The troops went up in trucks but came back on the train.Revise.A month ago I was listened to with all courtesy, but now not even a dog will listen.
Wrong.The troops were taken up in trucks but came back on the train.
Right.The troops went up in trucks but came back on the train.
Revise.A month ago I was listened to with all courtesy, but now not even a dog will listen.
1. The poppy can be raised in American gardens without danger of its becoming a menace as a weed, which makes its cultivation possible as a reminder of the soldiers who lie in Flanders Field. (400)
2. We can use this truck to move freight from the warehouse to the store whenever we need it. (401)
3. Mary told Leona her costume was perfectly becoming. (402)
4. Mrs. Fiske said to Miss Anglin that she (Miss Anglin) was the greatest actress in the world. (403)
5. Students who come to college merely to have a good time or because they have nothing else to do, and those who come without any deep seated desire for knowledge for its own sake should be denied the right to enter it. (404)
6. The University of Iowa is located part on one side of the Iowa River and part on the other. Many students, when the weather is good, paddle canoes upon it. (405)
7. I hardly knew anybody. (406)
8. Everyone is not more to be pitied than scorned. (407)
9. I felt that I must either make them a cake or that they would think me stingy. (408)
10. Roque is a game that is neither too easy nor is it without excitement. (409)
11. Nothing he said is worth while. (410)
12. We cleared away what the cyclone had left of the house, which had stormed through the valley during the night. (411)
13. The fire spread when we entered the village and destroyed everything. (412)
14. When she let him in much to his embarrassment she smiled broadly. (413)
15. At night she liked to walk out in the rain. (414)
16. Swimming around a bend in the river, the hospital is seen. (415)
17. I mistook her for an acquaintance, thus causing embarrassment. (416)
18. When climbing a wire fence, his shotgun went off. (417)
19. He became rich, due to oil in Mexico. (418)
20. In talking to Henry this morning, he said that he had been ill. (419)
21. He told me that his brother was an engineer and he would look into the matter. (420)
22. She would have had a great deal of trouble and, no doubt, failed in the end if we had not happened to come along. (421)
23. They learned to read French, ride horseback, and fence before they were graduated. (422)
24. There was no room for weaklings, invalids, or the disaffected. (423)
25. I was forced to refuse the invitation of the secretary and treasurer. (424)
26. Johnson knew his half brother, nephew, and cousin would be there. (425)
27. The regiment was raised for the honor of Johnson county and to drive the Spaniard out of Cuba. (426)
28. To live, to learn, to die is the sum total of existence. (427)
29. His uncle had an old car and which he used to drive to Solon. (428)
30. The instructor made an assignment but which everybody thought was too hard. (429)
31. Solomon was wiser than any man. (430)
32. Michael Angelo was the greatest of all other painters. (431)
33. Try as you may, one cannot do it. (432)
34. Everybody should save their money while they are young. (433)
35. He will have learned better by Sunday unless he never tried it again. (434)
36. Military training is all right for a young man, but don’t ask me to take any. (435)
37. Yesterday he was seen by at least ten people, and I myself saw him today. (436)