“Foldin my tent like the Arab,And ez silently steelin away,”
“Foldin my tent like the Arab,And ez silently steelin away,”
“Foldin my tent like the Arab,
And ez silently steelin away,”
hevin too much sensibility to be an onwillin witnis uv the agony uv landladies, when they diskivered that I cood not pay. Knowin the softnis uv my heart, I hev alluz hed a great regard for my feelins.
Still, I feel some disinclinashen to commence sayin Farewell at this time. I wood like to continyoo this work. Methinks I wood like to go on pilin up pages ontil the Dimocrisy uv the Yoonited States wuz thoroughly indoctrinatid withmyDimocrisy. But it is impossible.
I bid my readers farewell in a period uv gloom rarely ekalled, and never surpast, for the Democrisy. Never in my recollekshun wuz the party in sich a state uv abject cussitood. The Northern States hevslipt from our grasp one by one, ontil none remains wich we kin fondly call ourn. The Border States are losin their Dimocrisy, and rallyin under the black banner uv Ablishinism; and the ten States which we kin control onfortinitly ain’t got no voice in the Guvment. From the mountin tops uv Maine, and the level pararies uv Illinoy, the remnants uv the Dimocrisy holler to us uv the South, “Be firm! we’ll stand by yoo!” and from the rich cotton fields uv the South the Dimocrisy holler to them uv the North, “Keep up yoor sperits! we are troo to yoo!” all uv wich is very cheerin, when them uv the North is in sich a hopelis minority ez to be unable to elect a township constable, and them in the South hain’t got no vote at all!
I appeal, however, with the rest uv the leaders, to the Dimocrisy to remain firm. Suthin will come in time,—what, I can’t, with any degree uv certinty, now state; but suthin will come. The Ablishnists cannot alluz rool. The cuss uv the old Whig party wuz, that the respective individooal members thereof cood read and write, and hed a knack uv doin their own thinkin, and therefore it cood not be brot into that state uv dissipline so nessary to success ez a party. That same cuss is a hangin onto the Ablishnists. They hung together from 1856 to 1860coz there wuz wat they called a prinsipple at stake; and on that prinsipple they elected Linkin. They wood hev fallen to peeces then, but our Southern brethren decided to commence operashens for the new goverment it hed so long desired; and the overwhelmin pressur uv the war smothered all miner ishoos and all individooal feelin, and they hung together long enough to see that throo. Now, still for the principle wich welded em doorin the war, they are holdin together yit, and probably will ontil they think this question wich they are disposin of is disposed of. Then they will split up, and our openin is made. We hev a solid phalanx, wich they can’t win over or detach from us. We hev them old veterans who voted for Jaxon, and who are still votin for him. We hev them sturdy old yeomanry who still swear that Bloo Lite Fedralism ought to be put down, and can’t be tolerated in a Republikin Goverment, and who, bless their old souls! don’t know no more what Bloo Lite Fedralism wuz than an unborn baby does uv Guy Fawkes. We hev that solid army uv voters whose knees yawn hidjusly, and whose coats is out at elbows, and whose children go barefoot in winter, while their dads is a drinkin cheap whiskey, and damin the Goverment for imposin a income tax. We hev the patrioticcitizins whose noses blossom like the lobster, and who live in mortal fear uv nigger ekality; and we hev John Morrissey’s constitooents.
These classes argyment won’t move, and reasonin won’t faze. They like to abooze the Goverment for levyin taxes, hopin to deseeve somebody into the idea that they pay taxes, and that it bears hard onto em; and they oppose nigger ekality becoz it soothes em, like laudnum, to think that there is somebody in the country lower down than themselves. The Dimocrisy alluz hed these, and alluz will.
Ez I remarked, the Ablishnists, when releeved uv the pressure now bearin onto em, will grow fractious, and split, and these classes will hev no trouble to git into a majority, and then our time comes.
The discouraged Dimokrat may say that preechers, and noosepapers, and Sundy skools, and sich, are underminin their party. In time they will, but not yet. There is still whisky in the land, and the nigger is not yet extinct. Uv wat danger is preechers to these men, when yoo coodent git one uv em within gun-shot uv one? and wat harm is noosepapers to em, when they can’t read? Besides, we are not at the end uv our resources yet. When the wust comes to the wust, there is the nigger left us. When he is no longer uv use to us ez he is now,—whenthe prejoodis is so far removed ez to invest him with the suffrage,—thenwe’llgive him the ballot,—we’lllead him up out uv Egypt, and we’ll make him vote with us. The Dimocrisy never yet failed to control all uv the lower orders uv sosiety. They hev the lowest grade uv the furriners; they hev Delaware and Maryland; they hev Noo York city and Suthern Illinoy; and ef the nigger gets the ballot afore he does the spellin-book, he’s ourn beyond peradvencher.
Again: Ef our politikel stumiks isn’t yet toned up to swallerin the nigger, we kin compermise on the Mexican. That country Johnson hez his eagle eye on now, and ef we demand it, he’ll take it. Wat a glorious prospeck opens to us! Mexico wood cut up into at least twenty States, wich, added to the ten we hev, wood make a clean majority wich we cood hold for years. Massachoosets cood do nuthin in Mexico. The Greasers ain’t adapted to Massachoosets. Ef they sent their long-haired teachers there with their spellin books, they’d end their labors by lettin a knife into their intestines for the clothes they wore, wich wood put a check on the mishnary biznis. They are, it is troo, several degrees lower in the skale uv humanity than the niggers, but then they ain’t niggers, and we cood marryem without feelin that we’d degraded ourselves. Ther is undoubtedly cusses on em, but the only cuss we hev Constooshnel objections to is the cuss uv Ham, and that they ain’t labrin under. Mexico affords us room for hope; we never shel run out uv material for Dimocratic votes until she is convertid, and but few mishnaries wood hev the nerve to tackle her.
Therfore I say to the Dimocrisy, be uv good cheer! Ther’s a brite day a dawnin. We hev now the Post Offisis, and nothin short uv an impeachment kin take em from us for two years. We may be beaten in 1868; it may be that our managin men promised the nominashen to our present Head—A. Johnson; but I hope not. Ef we are laid out agin, we kin console ourselves with the reflection that we’re yoost to it, and we kin go on hopin for the good time that must come.
Let us hold onto our faith, and continyoo to run, hopin eventooally to be glorified. Let us remember that all the majorities agin us don’t change the fact that Noah cust Ham, and that Hagar wuz sent back to her mistress. Let us remember that Paul, or some one uv them possels, remarked, “Servance, obey yoor masters,” and that, under Ablishn rool, we are exposed to the danger uv marryin niggers.Let us still cherish the faith that evenchooally, when reason returns, the Amerikin people will not throw away the boon we offer em uv fillin the cuss uv labor imposed by the Almity for disobedience in the garden, ez the Dimocrisy served in the army, by substitoot, and persevere even unto the perfeck end. When this good time is come, then will the anshent Dimocrisy, uv wich I hev bin to-wunst a piller and a ornament for thirty years, triumph, and the position wich I now hold, wich is rather too temporary to be agreeable, be continyood unto me for keeps, and layin off the armor uv actooal warfare, I shel rest in that haven uv worn-out patriots,—a perpetooal Post Offis. May the day be hastened! Farewell!
Petroleum V. Nasby, P.M.(wich is Postmaster).
Transcriber’s Note.The following changes have been made to the text:Removed repeated I: I hev alluz bin a DimecratReplaced with Andro with Androo: We are willin to endorse Androo JohnsonAdded Missing quote: arm-in-arm with a nigger, and,—”Added Missing quote: They go down—never up.”Added Missing quote: “Resolved, That in retainin’Added Missing quote: we kin alluz hev a party.”
Transcriber’s Note.The following changes have been made to the text: