We are assured that the firm of Eastman & Kendall, 65, Hanover Street, Boston, Mass., advertised in our columns, is trustworthy andreliable. For 10 cents they send a patent pen fountain and a check describing an article to be sold for $1. Their club system of selling goods is becoming quite popular, particularly with the ladies. It is worthy of a trial.
We are assured that the firm of Eastman & Kendall, 65, Hanover Street, Boston, Mass., advertised in our columns, is trustworthy andreliable. For 10 cents they send a patent pen fountain and a check describing an article to be sold for $1. Their club system of selling goods is becoming quite popular, particularly with the ladies. It is worthy of a trial.
Two specimens of editorial personal advertisements will doubtless suffice. One was published by an Illinois journalist on assuming the duties of chief of the staff, and it gives a very good idea of the plan upon which he intended to “run” his paper. Itsays:—
Sensational, distressing details of revolting murders and shocking suicides respectfully solicited. Bible class presentations and ministerial donation parties will be “done” with promptness and despatch. Keno banks and their operations made a speciality. Accurate reports of Sunday School anniversaries guaranteed. The local editor will cheerfully walk 17 miles after Sunday school to see and report a prize fight. Funerals and all other melancholy occasions written up in a manner to challenge admiration. Horse races reported in the highest style of the reportorial art. Domestic broils and conjugal felicities sought for with untiring avidity. Police court proceedings and sermons reported in a manner well calculated to astonish the prisoner, magistrate, and preacher.
Sensational, distressing details of revolting murders and shocking suicides respectfully solicited. Bible class presentations and ministerial donation parties will be “done” with promptness and despatch. Keno banks and their operations made a speciality. Accurate reports of Sunday School anniversaries guaranteed. The local editor will cheerfully walk 17 miles after Sunday school to see and report a prize fight. Funerals and all other melancholy occasions written up in a manner to challenge admiration. Horse races reported in the highest style of the reportorial art. Domestic broils and conjugal felicities sought for with untiring avidity. Police court proceedings and sermons reported in a manner well calculated to astonish the prisoner, magistrate, and preacher.
The other is the opposite of the foregoing, and was penned under very different circumstances. It is from a Keithsburg journal, and first saw the light under the head reserved for notices ofdeaths:—
About two and a-half years ago we took possession of this paper. It was then in the very act of pegging out, having neither friends, money, nor credit. We tried to breathe into it the breath of life; we put into it all our own money and everybody else’s we could get hold of; but it was no go; either the people of Keithsburg don’t appreciate our efforts, or we don’t know how to run a paper. We went into the business with confidence, determined to run it or burst. We have busted. During our connection with theObserverwe have made some friends and numerous enemies. The former will have our gratitude while life lasts. The latter are affectionately requested to go to the deuce.
About two and a-half years ago we took possession of this paper. It was then in the very act of pegging out, having neither friends, money, nor credit. We tried to breathe into it the breath of life; we put into it all our own money and everybody else’s we could get hold of; but it was no go; either the people of Keithsburg don’t appreciate our efforts, or we don’t know how to run a paper. We went into the business with confidence, determined to run it or burst. We have busted. During our connection with theObserverwe have made some friends and numerous enemies. The former will have our gratitude while life lasts. The latter are affectionately requested to go to the deuce.
Occasionally these advertising notices take a widely different form, and refer to the benefits which are to befound from a use of the columns in which they appear. Take the following as an instance of the kind of work wemean:—
The New York Daily Newshas the largest circulation of any daily paper published in the United States, and, with the exception of one in England and one in France, the largest in the world. We will contract for advertisements in theNewsupon the following terms: Three (3) cents per line for every (10) ten thousand of our circulation. Every bill when presented to be accompanied with the sworn affidavit of the pressman who prints the paper, the clerk who delivers the paper, and the cashier who receives the money. No paper to be counted as circulation except those that are actually sold and paid for. Believing this to be the most fair and equitable plan ever offered to advertisers, we make the proposition.
The New York Daily Newshas the largest circulation of any daily paper published in the United States, and, with the exception of one in England and one in France, the largest in the world. We will contract for advertisements in theNewsupon the following terms: Three (3) cents per line for every (10) ten thousand of our circulation. Every bill when presented to be accompanied with the sworn affidavit of the pressman who prints the paper, the clerk who delivers the paper, and the cashier who receives the money. No paper to be counted as circulation except those that are actually sold and paid for. Believing this to be the most fair and equitable plan ever offered to advertisers, we make the proposition.
This is a fair and equitable idea which none but the proprietors of rival journals could object to. And that rivals do have their say about each other’s advertisements, the following article, which is called “Ensnaring the Simple,” and which at one stroke deals two blows—one in the journalistic and the other in the electioneering interest—will show. It is from a New York daily, and runs thus: “The Sunday Mercuryis published by Cauldwell & Whitney, Editors and Proprietors. Its senior editor is William Cauldwell, late Senator from the IXth District, comprising Westchester, Putnam, and Rockland Counties, and now the Democratic candidate for re-election. From yesterday’s issue of thatSunday Mercury, we copy the following advertisements, omitting only the addresses of the respectiveadvertisers:—
TWOYOUNG MEN, residents of New-York, of some means, are desirous of forming the acquaintance of two ladies between the ages of sixteen and twenty-two, with a view to sociability and quiet enjoyment. To those that are worthy, pecuniary assistance will be willingly rendered, if necessary. Those employed in some light occupation preferred. Address, appointing interview, —— and ——, Mercury office.AGENTLEMAN, aged twenty-five, would be pleased to form the acquaintance of a young lady, or widow, under twenty-five years of age. Must be educated, and of good reputation. One engaged during the day preferred. A desirable party will meet with a permanent friend. Disreputable parties need not answer this. Address in confidence for ten days, —— ——, Mercury office.AGENTLEMANof means, alone in this city, desires the acquaintance of a respectable, genteel young lady of refinement, who is, like himself, friendless and alone; the most honorable secrecy observed. Address, with full particulars, ——, Mercury office, 128 Fulton-st., New-York.AFRENCH GENTLEMAN, newly arrived in this country and lonely, wishes to form the acquaintance of a lady who could prove as true a friend to him as he would be to her. Address, in confidence, as discretion will be absolute, ——, Mercury office.AYOUNG GENTLEMANwould like to make the acquaintance of an affectionate and sociable young lady who would appreciate a true friend; one residing in Brooklyn preferred. Address ——, box 3, 761 New-York P.O.AGENTLEMAN OF MEANSwishes to make the acquaintance of a young lady of sixteen to eighteen years (blonde preferred); one who would appreciate a companion and friend may find one by addressing ——, Mercury office.AYOUNG WIDOWwould like to make the acquaintance of an elderly gentleman of means, who would be willing to assist her, in return for true friendship. No triflers need answer. Address ——, Station E.AGENTLEMAN, thirty years of age, with some leisure time at his disposal, would like the acquaintance of a handsome young lady, resident of Brooklyn. Address, stating age and other particulars, ——, Mercury office.AKIND, ELDERLY GENTLEMAN, a stranger, wishes to enjoy the society of an agreeable young lady. Address ——, Mercury office.AGENTLEMANof position desires the society of a young lady or widow. Would afford moderate pecuniary aid to a respectable and deserving person. Address, with particulars, appointing interview, ----, Mercury office.ASTRANGERin New-York desires a few lady correspondents whom he can call upon, and who would be pleased to accompany him to theatres, &c. Address ——, New-York University.AYOUNG MANof refined taste would like to meet with a good-looking lady (not above twenty) who is engaged during the day. Address, appointing interview, ——, No. 4, Mercury office.ALADYwould like to meet with a gentleman who would thoroughly appreciate her exclusive society. For particulars, address ——, Box 2, No. 688 Broadway.
TWOYOUNG MEN, residents of New-York, of some means, are desirous of forming the acquaintance of two ladies between the ages of sixteen and twenty-two, with a view to sociability and quiet enjoyment. To those that are worthy, pecuniary assistance will be willingly rendered, if necessary. Those employed in some light occupation preferred. Address, appointing interview, —— and ——, Mercury office.
AGENTLEMAN, aged twenty-five, would be pleased to form the acquaintance of a young lady, or widow, under twenty-five years of age. Must be educated, and of good reputation. One engaged during the day preferred. A desirable party will meet with a permanent friend. Disreputable parties need not answer this. Address in confidence for ten days, —— ——, Mercury office.
AGENTLEMANof means, alone in this city, desires the acquaintance of a respectable, genteel young lady of refinement, who is, like himself, friendless and alone; the most honorable secrecy observed. Address, with full particulars, ——, Mercury office, 128 Fulton-st., New-York.
AFRENCH GENTLEMAN, newly arrived in this country and lonely, wishes to form the acquaintance of a lady who could prove as true a friend to him as he would be to her. Address, in confidence, as discretion will be absolute, ——, Mercury office.
AYOUNG GENTLEMANwould like to make the acquaintance of an affectionate and sociable young lady who would appreciate a true friend; one residing in Brooklyn preferred. Address ——, box 3, 761 New-York P.O.
AGENTLEMAN OF MEANSwishes to make the acquaintance of a young lady of sixteen to eighteen years (blonde preferred); one who would appreciate a companion and friend may find one by addressing ——, Mercury office.
AYOUNG WIDOWwould like to make the acquaintance of an elderly gentleman of means, who would be willing to assist her, in return for true friendship. No triflers need answer. Address ——, Station E.
AGENTLEMAN, thirty years of age, with some leisure time at his disposal, would like the acquaintance of a handsome young lady, resident of Brooklyn. Address, stating age and other particulars, ——, Mercury office.
AKIND, ELDERLY GENTLEMAN, a stranger, wishes to enjoy the society of an agreeable young lady. Address ——, Mercury office.
AGENTLEMANof position desires the society of a young lady or widow. Would afford moderate pecuniary aid to a respectable and deserving person. Address, with particulars, appointing interview, ----, Mercury office.
ASTRANGERin New-York desires a few lady correspondents whom he can call upon, and who would be pleased to accompany him to theatres, &c. Address ——, New-York University.
AYOUNG MANof refined taste would like to meet with a good-looking lady (not above twenty) who is engaged during the day. Address, appointing interview, ——, No. 4, Mercury office.
ALADYwould like to meet with a gentleman who would thoroughly appreciate her exclusive society. For particulars, address ——, Box 2, No. 688 Broadway.
“These are but fair specimens of columns of such advertisements which have for years appeared in the successive issues ofThe Mercury. The publishers put over them the head ‘Matrimonial,’ but the advertisers do not countenance that fraud. They useThe Mercuryand pay for it as though it were a house of infamous resort; and, if there be any moral difference between permitting this use and keeping a house of ill-fame, we cannot see it. We do not doubt that at least One Thousand foolish girls have been ruined through the instrumentality of these shameful advertisements. Must not that be a monstrous dispensation of justice which, while Rosenzweig is (most righteously) sent to State Prison, should send Cauldwell to the Senate? What do you think of it? Electors of Westchester, Putnam, and Rockland Counties! read the above advertisements carefully, and say whether you can aid the election of Cauldwell to the Senate without sharing his guilt? Do not pretend ignorance of his iniquities: for above is the evidence which no man can gainsay. There are more such in this week’s issue, as there have been in every issue of that sheet foryears. Fathers, brothers, pure men of every degree! read those infamous advertisements carefully, and then judge if you can vote to send their publisher to the Senate!” This is all very well, and extremely virtuous, but in the high-class daily journal from which it is taken there are plenty of advertisements of a character anything but beyond reproach. We are far from wishing to uphold the character of theMercury, which is no more and no less than a Pandarus among papers, but the axiom, “Physician, heal thyself,” will apply to the champion of outraged innocence just quoted.
An astonishingly elaborate way of bringing the “puff pars” of enterprising and liberal tradesmen under immediate notice is shown in a weekly, possessed of considerable notoriety, that is published in California. This paper, theSan Francisco Newsletter, has several times with pleasing candour informed the world that its opinions and advocacy are within easy purchase. Which means that those who do not think its friendship worth buying had better beware of its animosity. For those who doubt this we reproduce the following, which was probably placed on the front page of theNewsletterbecause the directors of the company referred to refused to patronise that organ of publicity, and which has now been running for sometime:—
A PERMANENT PARAGRAPHIC ADVERTISEMENT.[RESPECTFULLY DEDICATED TO THE SPRING VALLEY WATER WORKS.]A miner’s inch of wateris about twenty thousand gallons. The usual price for an inch of water in the mines is ten cents. The Spring Valley Company sells water in large quantities at seventy-five cents per thousand gallons, or at fifteen dollars seventy-five cents per inch—which is one hundred and fifty-seven times the price which miners pay. Furnished in small quantities to housekeepers, the Company charges from thirty to fifty dollars an inch—five hundred times the miners’ rates.Ignotus.
A PERMANENT PARAGRAPHIC ADVERTISEMENT.
[RESPECTFULLY DEDICATED TO THE SPRING VALLEY WATER WORKS.]
A miner’s inch of wateris about twenty thousand gallons. The usual price for an inch of water in the mines is ten cents. The Spring Valley Company sells water in large quantities at seventy-five cents per thousand gallons, or at fifteen dollars seventy-five cents per inch—which is one hundred and fifty-seven times the price which miners pay. Furnished in small quantities to housekeepers, the Company charges from thirty to fifty dollars an inch—five hundred times the miners’ rates.Ignotus.
TheNewsletterwas originally known in England as the vehicle of a vein of humour peculiar even in America, and mainly dependent upon a contempt for all religious formalities and observances, an affectation of atheism, and an evident desire to render all those things ridiculous that believers hold most sacred. Through all this ran a vein of ability which even those who objected most to the degradation of it were bound to admit, and the smart utterances of the chief writer on the staff were not only quoted widely throughout America, but now and again found supporters among advanced journalists in England. How different now is theNewsletter! Its flippancy is as rampant as ever, but its attempts to make fun out of the doctrines of faith in general and Christianity in particular are of the dreariest, while in place of the cleverness which once made its columns readable there is a scurrility worthy of the typicalStabberorRowdy Journal. And the more its ability becomes deteriorated, the more do its abuse, its blasphemy, and its blackmailing qualities exhibit themselves. It is evident that the old leader has departed, and left in his place one whose servile imitation must have been his best credential for the office ofsuccessor.[47]But it was in reference to theNewsletter’sadvertisements that we commenced; though they are in truth so mixed up with its other matter that the distinction is subtle indeed. The construction of the paper is unique. Each page is complete in itself, and in the “backs” and “gutters”—the inside margins, in fact—there are numerous advertisements. The chief peculiarity, however, of the paper is that of spreading its puffs and notices about among the ordinary matter. The following extract will give some idea of the prevailingplan:—
“Tell me, O, thou ancient warrior,How it is you look so strong.Full well I know, for four-score yearsYou’ve wandered round—say, am I wrong?”“I have lived for four-score years, sir,Drinking naught but Cutter’s best.If you want to live as long, sir,I advise you to invest.”Shortening a Telegram.—A gentleman took the following telegram to a telegraph office:—“Mrs Brown, Liverpool street.—I announce with grief the death of uncle James. Come quickly to read will. I believe we are his heirs.—John Black.” The clerk, having counted the words, said, “There are two words too many, sir.” “All right, cut out ‘with grief,’” was the reply.The other afternoonI strayed,About the hour of four,To see if in the town I’d findA first-class carpet store.I wandered round for a long time,Until a friend did tellWhere was the only place in town—The store of Plum & Bell.As an early morning trainstopped at the station, an old gentleman with a cheerful countenance stepped out on the platform, and inhaling the fresh air enthusiastically exclaimed, “Isn’t this invigorating?” “No, sir, it’s Auchterarder,” replied the conscientious porter. The cheerful old gentleman went back to his seat in the carriage.All that my pining spiritin its youthHas pictured forth of excellence, is she;The same ideal figure full of truth,Alike in gentleness and purity:By Bradley & Rulofson made divine.Oh how I love to worship at her shrine!The Man Who Struck Him.—“Show me the man who struck O’Docherty,” shouted a pugnacious little Irishman at an election; “show me the man who struck O’Docherty, and I’ll—” “I am the man who struck O’Docherty,” said a big, brawny fellow, stepping to the front; “and what have you to say about it?” “Och, sure,” answered the small one, suddenly collapsing, “and didn’t you do it well!”We cannot staythy footsteps, Time.Thy flight no hand may bindSave His, whose foot is on the sea,Whose voice is in the wind.Yet we can make a cloudy dayAs bright as in sunshine,And drive the demon care awayWith draughts of Gerke Wine.Mr. John Owens, who lately died at Jackson, aged 114, was in some respects a remarkable man. He blushingly admitted that he had used whisky since he was ten years old, and had chewed tobacco and smoked, more or less, for one hundred and three years, but he never claimed that he had seen Washington.Wherever Minerva, the Goddess of Wisdom, presides, or Pomona, or Ceres require book work to be done, there will be found the school and office furniture made by Gilbert & Moore. It is universally acknowledged to be the best that is made in this or any other State. If once used, no other desks, stools, forms, garden seats, etc., will ever meet with any favour. Their patent school desk, with seat attached, is the most perfect thing we ever saw, and is as strong as it is neat.A Yankee editorhas just had his family reinforced, whereupon he indulges in the following poeticoutburst:—“Ring out, wild bells—and tame ones too—Ring out the lover’s moon!Ring out the little slips and socks,Ring in the bib and spoon!Ring out the Muse, ring in the nurse—Ring in the milk and water!Away with paper, pens, and ink—My daughter, oh, my daughter!”The philosopher’s stonehas not yet been discovered, but modern science has found out a means by which the energy of youth can be imparted to those who have long passed the meridian of life. Such a boon to mankind is the Elixir Damiana, that the well known Doctor Jose Juniga, from whose prescription it is made, has earned a name not soon to be forgotten. The Elixir can be procured at Chas. Langley’s, the agent, and at all drug stores.Edmund Munger, speaking of the time when he was a boy, says it was the custom of school children as you passed a school-house, to make a bow; but in these later days, as you pass a school-house, you must keep your eye peeled, or you will get a snowball or a brickbat at the side of your head.Help me to sing, ye muses Nine,In praises of that house on Pine,Which by its name, the Saddle Rock,All praise and say the finest stockOf oysters in the town are there;Both raw, and cooked with greatest care.Mr. Redpathapplied to Mr. Warner, author of “My Summer in a Garden,” to enter the lecturing field. The genial author replied that there was less prospect now than ever of his consenting to do so. “It seems to me,” he wrote, “that the older I grow, the wiser I grow.”The Six-Mile House, on the San Bruno Road, is the favourite calling place on the road. No one ever thinks of passing without stopping to have a word with Harry Blanken.Twenty-eightdifferent kinds of “bitters” sold in Rhode Island for “strictly medicinal use” are undergoing analysis by the State Chemist from an excise point of view.
“Tell me, O, thou ancient warrior,How it is you look so strong.Full well I know, for four-score yearsYou’ve wandered round—say, am I wrong?”“I have lived for four-score years, sir,Drinking naught but Cutter’s best.If you want to live as long, sir,I advise you to invest.”
“Tell me, O, thou ancient warrior,How it is you look so strong.Full well I know, for four-score yearsYou’ve wandered round—say, am I wrong?”“I have lived for four-score years, sir,Drinking naught but Cutter’s best.If you want to live as long, sir,I advise you to invest.”
“Tell me, O, thou ancient warrior,How it is you look so strong.Full well I know, for four-score yearsYou’ve wandered round—say, am I wrong?”
“I have lived for four-score years, sir,Drinking naught but Cutter’s best.If you want to live as long, sir,I advise you to invest.”
Shortening a Telegram.—A gentleman took the following telegram to a telegraph office:—“Mrs Brown, Liverpool street.—I announce with grief the death of uncle James. Come quickly to read will. I believe we are his heirs.—John Black.” The clerk, having counted the words, said, “There are two words too many, sir.” “All right, cut out ‘with grief,’” was the reply.
The other afternoonI strayed,About the hour of four,To see if in the town I’d findA first-class carpet store.I wandered round for a long time,Until a friend did tellWhere was the only place in town—The store of Plum & Bell.
The other afternoonI strayed,About the hour of four,To see if in the town I’d findA first-class carpet store.I wandered round for a long time,Until a friend did tellWhere was the only place in town—The store of Plum & Bell.
The other afternoonI strayed,About the hour of four,To see if in the town I’d findA first-class carpet store.
I wandered round for a long time,Until a friend did tellWhere was the only place in town—The store of Plum & Bell.
As an early morning trainstopped at the station, an old gentleman with a cheerful countenance stepped out on the platform, and inhaling the fresh air enthusiastically exclaimed, “Isn’t this invigorating?” “No, sir, it’s Auchterarder,” replied the conscientious porter. The cheerful old gentleman went back to his seat in the carriage.
All that my pining spiritin its youthHas pictured forth of excellence, is she;The same ideal figure full of truth,Alike in gentleness and purity:By Bradley & Rulofson made divine.Oh how I love to worship at her shrine!
All that my pining spiritin its youthHas pictured forth of excellence, is she;The same ideal figure full of truth,Alike in gentleness and purity:By Bradley & Rulofson made divine.Oh how I love to worship at her shrine!
All that my pining spiritin its youthHas pictured forth of excellence, is she;The same ideal figure full of truth,Alike in gentleness and purity:By Bradley & Rulofson made divine.Oh how I love to worship at her shrine!
The Man Who Struck Him.—“Show me the man who struck O’Docherty,” shouted a pugnacious little Irishman at an election; “show me the man who struck O’Docherty, and I’ll—” “I am the man who struck O’Docherty,” said a big, brawny fellow, stepping to the front; “and what have you to say about it?” “Och, sure,” answered the small one, suddenly collapsing, “and didn’t you do it well!”
We cannot staythy footsteps, Time.Thy flight no hand may bindSave His, whose foot is on the sea,Whose voice is in the wind.Yet we can make a cloudy dayAs bright as in sunshine,And drive the demon care awayWith draughts of Gerke Wine.
We cannot staythy footsteps, Time.Thy flight no hand may bindSave His, whose foot is on the sea,Whose voice is in the wind.Yet we can make a cloudy dayAs bright as in sunshine,And drive the demon care awayWith draughts of Gerke Wine.
We cannot staythy footsteps, Time.Thy flight no hand may bindSave His, whose foot is on the sea,Whose voice is in the wind.
Yet we can make a cloudy dayAs bright as in sunshine,And drive the demon care awayWith draughts of Gerke Wine.
Mr. John Owens, who lately died at Jackson, aged 114, was in some respects a remarkable man. He blushingly admitted that he had used whisky since he was ten years old, and had chewed tobacco and smoked, more or less, for one hundred and three years, but he never claimed that he had seen Washington.
Wherever Minerva, the Goddess of Wisdom, presides, or Pomona, or Ceres require book work to be done, there will be found the school and office furniture made by Gilbert & Moore. It is universally acknowledged to be the best that is made in this or any other State. If once used, no other desks, stools, forms, garden seats, etc., will ever meet with any favour. Their patent school desk, with seat attached, is the most perfect thing we ever saw, and is as strong as it is neat.
A Yankee editorhas just had his family reinforced, whereupon he indulges in the following poeticoutburst:—
“Ring out, wild bells—and tame ones too—Ring out the lover’s moon!Ring out the little slips and socks,Ring in the bib and spoon!Ring out the Muse, ring in the nurse—Ring in the milk and water!Away with paper, pens, and ink—My daughter, oh, my daughter!”
“Ring out, wild bells—and tame ones too—Ring out the lover’s moon!Ring out the little slips and socks,Ring in the bib and spoon!Ring out the Muse, ring in the nurse—Ring in the milk and water!Away with paper, pens, and ink—My daughter, oh, my daughter!”
“Ring out, wild bells—and tame ones too—Ring out the lover’s moon!Ring out the little slips and socks,Ring in the bib and spoon!Ring out the Muse, ring in the nurse—Ring in the milk and water!Away with paper, pens, and ink—My daughter, oh, my daughter!”
The philosopher’s stonehas not yet been discovered, but modern science has found out a means by which the energy of youth can be imparted to those who have long passed the meridian of life. Such a boon to mankind is the Elixir Damiana, that the well known Doctor Jose Juniga, from whose prescription it is made, has earned a name not soon to be forgotten. The Elixir can be procured at Chas. Langley’s, the agent, and at all drug stores.
Edmund Munger, speaking of the time when he was a boy, says it was the custom of school children as you passed a school-house, to make a bow; but in these later days, as you pass a school-house, you must keep your eye peeled, or you will get a snowball or a brickbat at the side of your head.
Help me to sing, ye muses Nine,In praises of that house on Pine,Which by its name, the Saddle Rock,All praise and say the finest stockOf oysters in the town are there;Both raw, and cooked with greatest care.
Help me to sing, ye muses Nine,In praises of that house on Pine,Which by its name, the Saddle Rock,All praise and say the finest stockOf oysters in the town are there;Both raw, and cooked with greatest care.
Help me to sing, ye muses Nine,In praises of that house on Pine,Which by its name, the Saddle Rock,All praise and say the finest stockOf oysters in the town are there;Both raw, and cooked with greatest care.
Mr. Redpathapplied to Mr. Warner, author of “My Summer in a Garden,” to enter the lecturing field. The genial author replied that there was less prospect now than ever of his consenting to do so. “It seems to me,” he wrote, “that the older I grow, the wiser I grow.”
The Six-Mile House, on the San Bruno Road, is the favourite calling place on the road. No one ever thinks of passing without stopping to have a word with Harry Blanken.
Twenty-eightdifferent kinds of “bitters” sold in Rhode Island for “strictly medicinal use” are undergoing analysis by the State Chemist from an excise point of view.
This is the best part of the paper at the present time, and the best part of this—that is, the most original—is formed by the advertisements. There must now and again be a great run upon that edition of “Joe Miller” the proprietor keeps in his room, when the “exchanges” refuse to give out new or second-hand humorous paragraphs. We will conclude this section of our cousins’ peculiarities with the following, picked out from a Boston sheet, where it was nestled close by the biggest of theadvertisements:—
Keep on Advertising.Don’t fear to have a small advertisement by the side of a larger competing one. The big one can’t eat it up.
Keep on Advertising.
Don’t fear to have a small advertisement by the side of a larger competing one. The big one can’t eat it up.
Which, freely translated, means, “Keep on advertising, and don’t be afraid. We’ll take you, big or little, so long as you have the money, and of course we’re quite disinterested.”
In the year 1795, an English paper, speaking of the transatlantic journalism of the time, says: “As one proof of the commerce and trade of America, there are four daily papers printed in the city of New York; and it is not uncommon to enumerate 350 advertisements in a single paper. The price of an advertisement is from 1s. to 1s. 6d., and a paper sells for one penny. But what injures the beauty and authenticity of their papers is the want of a little red mark at one corner of the sheet; a blessing that has beenwithheld from them since the imprudent declaration of independence.” The last remark is evidently satirical. It was sixty years after this that we got rid of our glorious red mark. But we have an advertisement of some years before the declaration of independence, which issubjoined:—
Bush Creek, Frederick’s County, Maryland, Oct. 11, 1771.RUNaway from the subscriber, a Servant Maid named Sarah Wilson, but has changed her name to Lady Susanna Carolina Matilda, which made the public believe that she was her Majesty’s Sister; she has a blemish in her right Eye, black rolled Hair, stoops in her shoulders, makes a common practice of writing and marking her cloaths with a Crown and a B. Whoever secures the said Servant Woman, or takes her home, shall receive five Pistoles, besides all cost and charges.William Devall.I entitle Michael Dalton to search the city of Philadelphia and from thence to Charles-Town, for the said Woman.W. D.
Bush Creek, Frederick’s County, Maryland, Oct. 11, 1771.
RUNaway from the subscriber, a Servant Maid named Sarah Wilson, but has changed her name to Lady Susanna Carolina Matilda, which made the public believe that she was her Majesty’s Sister; she has a blemish in her right Eye, black rolled Hair, stoops in her shoulders, makes a common practice of writing and marking her cloaths with a Crown and a B. Whoever secures the said Servant Woman, or takes her home, shall receive five Pistoles, besides all cost and charges.William Devall.
I entitle Michael Dalton to search the city of Philadelphia and from thence to Charles-Town, for the said Woman.W. D.
Sarah Wilson, who was quite an extraordinary adventuress, had been lady’s-maid to the Hon. Miss Vernon, sister to Lady Grosvenor, and whilst in her service found means to obtain admittance into the royal apartments, where she broke open a cabinet and robbed it of some jewellery of value. For this she was apprehended, tried, and sentenced to death, but through the interposition of her former mistress was reprieved, and transported to Maryland, where on her arrival she was exposed for sale, and purchased by the Mr Devall above named. She soon, however, managed to make her escape into Virginia, travelled through that colony, and through North into South Carolina. When at a proper distance from Mr Devall, she assumed the title of Princess Susanna Carolina Matilda, and passed herself off as a sister to the Queen. She was dressed in a manner likely to favour the deception, and as she had with her part of the stolen jewels, and a miniature portrait of the Queen, which by some means she had managed to conceal before her trial and during her subsequent journey, she succeeded in deceiving many of the planters. Thus she travelled from one gentleman’s house to another, affecting the manners of royalty,and admitting many of the gentry to the honour of kissing her royal hand. To some she promised governments, to others regiments, with promotions of all kinds in the Army, Navy, and Treasury. In short, she acted her part so plausibly that very few suspected her of being a deceiver. During the period of her imposture she levied heavy contributions upon some people of the highest rank in the southern colonies. At length the above advertisement appeared in the papers, and Mr Michael Dalton made his appearance in Charlestown, raising a loud hue and cry. Seeing that the game was up, her Serene Highness disappeared, and for a short time baffled the exertions of the police; but in the end she was captured and suffered condign punishment.
While on the subject of runaway slaves we will skip a few years, and so give a companion to this Cleopatra in the person of one Anthony, certainly a congenial spirit. The following is from a Raleigh paper of February 1815, in which it is preceded by the figure of a runaway negro. Anthony is evidently a paragon possessed of all a paragon’s failings, and Caleb Quotem, so renowned in farce, scarcely equalled the subject of this advertisement in the variety and whimsical nature of hisaccomplishments:—
TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS REWARD.running manRANaway from Raleigh, a month or two ago, a mulatto man, namedAnthony, well known in Raleigh, and many parts of the State, as having been, for several years, the body servant of General Jones, and mine lately as a pressman and news-carrier in the Star office. Anthony is about twenty-five or twenty-six years of age, five feet eight or ten inches high, is a mongrel white, has a tolerably large aquiline nose, bushy hair, a scar on one of his cheeks; when in good humour has a pleasing countenance.He works and walks fast, is lively and talkative, full of anecdote, which he tells in character with much humour; is an excellent pressman, indifferent at distributing types, a tolerable carpenter and joiner, a plain painter, an excellent manager of horses, drives well and rides elegantly, having been accustomed to race riding; is fond of cock-fighting (and of man-fighting when drunk), and is said toheelandpitwith skill; he can bleed and pull teeth, knows something of medicines, is a rough barber, a bad but conceited cook, a good sawyer, can lay bricks, has worked in the corn fields, and can scratch a little on the fiddle.He can do many other things; and what he cannot do, hepretendsto have a knowledge of. His trades and qualities are thus detailed, because his vanity will undoubtedly lead to a display of them. His master-vice, or rather, the parent of all his vices, is a fondness forstrong drink, though sometimes he will abstain for months. His clothes cannot be described, but he carried away few or none, and ’tis expected will appear shabbily. He is an artful fellow, and if taken up will tell a most plausible story, and possibly show a forged pass.
TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS REWARD.
running man
RANaway from Raleigh, a month or two ago, a mulatto man, namedAnthony, well known in Raleigh, and many parts of the State, as having been, for several years, the body servant of General Jones, and mine lately as a pressman and news-carrier in the Star office. Anthony is about twenty-five or twenty-six years of age, five feet eight or ten inches high, is a mongrel white, has a tolerably large aquiline nose, bushy hair, a scar on one of his cheeks; when in good humour has a pleasing countenance.
He works and walks fast, is lively and talkative, full of anecdote, which he tells in character with much humour; is an excellent pressman, indifferent at distributing types, a tolerable carpenter and joiner, a plain painter, an excellent manager of horses, drives well and rides elegantly, having been accustomed to race riding; is fond of cock-fighting (and of man-fighting when drunk), and is said toheelandpitwith skill; he can bleed and pull teeth, knows something of medicines, is a rough barber, a bad but conceited cook, a good sawyer, can lay bricks, has worked in the corn fields, and can scratch a little on the fiddle.
He can do many other things; and what he cannot do, hepretendsto have a knowledge of. His trades and qualities are thus detailed, because his vanity will undoubtedly lead to a display of them. His master-vice, or rather, the parent of all his vices, is a fondness forstrong drink, though sometimes he will abstain for months. His clothes cannot be described, but he carried away few or none, and ’tis expected will appear shabbily. He is an artful fellow, and if taken up will tell a most plausible story, and possibly show a forged pass.
In 1806 theConnecticut Courantcontained the following, which gives an unpleasant idea of what many wives might say in reply to the warning advertisements of desperate husbands if they only thought it worth while, or rather if they thought of it atall:—
East Windsor, U.S.THOMASHutchins has advertised, that I have absented myself fromhis bed and board, and forbid all persons trusting me on his account, and cautioned all persons against making me any payment on his account. I now advertise the public, that the same Thomas Hutchins came as a fortune-teller into this town about a year ago, with a recommendation, which, with some artful falsehoods, induced me to marry him. Of the four wives he had before me, the last he quarrelled away; how the other three came by their deaths, he can best inform the public: but I caution all widows or maidens against marrying him, be their desire for matrimony ever so strong. Should he make his advances under a feigned name, they may look out for a little, strutting, talkative, feeble, meagre, hatchet-faced fellow, with spindle shanks, and a little warped in the back.Thankful Hutchins.
East Windsor, U.S.
THOMASHutchins has advertised, that I have absented myself fromhis bed and board, and forbid all persons trusting me on his account, and cautioned all persons against making me any payment on his account. I now advertise the public, that the same Thomas Hutchins came as a fortune-teller into this town about a year ago, with a recommendation, which, with some artful falsehoods, induced me to marry him. Of the four wives he had before me, the last he quarrelled away; how the other three came by their deaths, he can best inform the public: but I caution all widows or maidens against marrying him, be their desire for matrimony ever so strong. Should he make his advances under a feigned name, they may look out for a little, strutting, talkative, feeble, meagre, hatchet-faced fellow, with spindle shanks, and a little warped in the back.Thankful Hutchins.
There are a good many more notices in the American papers which show that conjugal infelicity is no great rarity over there. The following exquisite effusion appeared in thePort Gibson Correspondentin November1825:—
O matrimony! thou art likeTo Jeremiah’s figs—The good are very good indeed,The bad—too sour for pigs!WHEREAS, thank God! my wife Rachel has left my bed and board for the hereafter mentioned provocation: this is to give notice that I will pay no debts of her contracting after this date.—We were married young; the match was not of our own choosing, but a made-up one between our parents. “My dear,” says her mother, with a nose like a gourdhandle, to her best beloved, “now if we can get our neighbour Charles to consent to a marriage between our Rachel and his son, we shall have no more care upon our hands, and live the rest of our days in undisturbed repose.” Here my beloved began to whimper; the truth is, she loved tenderly, loved another—and they knew it; he had no property, however, and that was their only idea of happiness: but she could not conceive how they could feast in joy upon her misery. “Hold your tongue,” says her surly father, “don’t you think your parents know better how to direct your attachments than you do yourself?” “Yes, my dear,” says the mother, “you should always be governed by your parents—they are old and experienced and you are too young to think for yourself.” The old dad and mam forgot that they were a runaway love match at the age of nineteen. But poor Rachel said not a word for she was afraid of her daddy’s cowhide, that he had used sixteen years on nobody’s back but his daughter’s. She seemed reckless of her fate, was almost stupid, and did not know that she could alter it for the worse. My father, by persuasion and argument, dazzled my fancy with the eight negroes that would be her portion, “which,” said he, “put upon the quarter section which I shall give you, will render you independent, and you are a fool if you do not live happily with such an angel.”—“Angel!” said I, but I said no more, for my dad (in peace rest his ashes!) would have flown into a passion with the rapidity that powder catches fire; and its ebullition, like the blaze, would scorch me, I well knew.—We were married. I thought, as her father had ruled her with so tough a whip, I could do it with a hickory switch, and for my leniency gain her everlasting gratitude. We have now lived together six years, and have had no offspring except a hearty quarrel every little while. In truth I found her more spirited than I imagined; she was always ready to tally word for word, and blow for blow; but I never used a switch till the other day, always taking my open hand. The other day, coming home from work, very much fatigued and hungry, I found my wife in rather an unusual fit of passion, scolding some pigs that had overset the buttermilk. “Rachel,” says I, “make me some coffee.”—“Go to ——!” says she. I could not stand this; I had never heard her swear before. “I will chastise you for that,” says I. “Villain,” said she, “I’m determined to bear no more of your ill usage. Instead of using the mild and conciliating language which a husband ought to use, you always endeavour to beat me into measures—touch me with that whip,I will leave your house, and take my niggers with me too, so I will.” She had said such things so often that I did not regard her, and belaboured her handsomely. The next morning after I had gone out to work, away she bundles sure enough, and when I came home at noon, I found the house emptied of bag and baggage, and all the negroes taken but the three that were at work with me. I have livedhappilysince, however; and she may keep all she took, if she will stay at her crooked-nose mammy’s and never trouble my house again.J. Johnstone.Laurence County, Miss.Nov. 1, 1825.
O matrimony! thou art likeTo Jeremiah’s figs—The good are very good indeed,The bad—too sour for pigs!
O matrimony! thou art likeTo Jeremiah’s figs—The good are very good indeed,The bad—too sour for pigs!
O matrimony! thou art likeTo Jeremiah’s figs—The good are very good indeed,The bad—too sour for pigs!
WHEREAS, thank God! my wife Rachel has left my bed and board for the hereafter mentioned provocation: this is to give notice that I will pay no debts of her contracting after this date.—We were married young; the match was not of our own choosing, but a made-up one between our parents. “My dear,” says her mother, with a nose like a gourdhandle, to her best beloved, “now if we can get our neighbour Charles to consent to a marriage between our Rachel and his son, we shall have no more care upon our hands, and live the rest of our days in undisturbed repose.” Here my beloved began to whimper; the truth is, she loved tenderly, loved another—and they knew it; he had no property, however, and that was their only idea of happiness: but she could not conceive how they could feast in joy upon her misery. “Hold your tongue,” says her surly father, “don’t you think your parents know better how to direct your attachments than you do yourself?” “Yes, my dear,” says the mother, “you should always be governed by your parents—they are old and experienced and you are too young to think for yourself.” The old dad and mam forgot that they were a runaway love match at the age of nineteen. But poor Rachel said not a word for she was afraid of her daddy’s cowhide, that he had used sixteen years on nobody’s back but his daughter’s. She seemed reckless of her fate, was almost stupid, and did not know that she could alter it for the worse. My father, by persuasion and argument, dazzled my fancy with the eight negroes that would be her portion, “which,” said he, “put upon the quarter section which I shall give you, will render you independent, and you are a fool if you do not live happily with such an angel.”—“Angel!” said I, but I said no more, for my dad (in peace rest his ashes!) would have flown into a passion with the rapidity that powder catches fire; and its ebullition, like the blaze, would scorch me, I well knew.—We were married. I thought, as her father had ruled her with so tough a whip, I could do it with a hickory switch, and for my leniency gain her everlasting gratitude. We have now lived together six years, and have had no offspring except a hearty quarrel every little while. In truth I found her more spirited than I imagined; she was always ready to tally word for word, and blow for blow; but I never used a switch till the other day, always taking my open hand. The other day, coming home from work, very much fatigued and hungry, I found my wife in rather an unusual fit of passion, scolding some pigs that had overset the buttermilk. “Rachel,” says I, “make me some coffee.”—“Go to ——!” says she. I could not stand this; I had never heard her swear before. “I will chastise you for that,” says I. “Villain,” said she, “I’m determined to bear no more of your ill usage. Instead of using the mild and conciliating language which a husband ought to use, you always endeavour to beat me into measures—touch me with that whip,I will leave your house, and take my niggers with me too, so I will.” She had said such things so often that I did not regard her, and belaboured her handsomely. The next morning after I had gone out to work, away she bundles sure enough, and when I came home at noon, I found the house emptied of bag and baggage, and all the negroes taken but the three that were at work with me. I have livedhappilysince, however; and she may keep all she took, if she will stay at her crooked-nose mammy’s and never trouble my house again.
J. Johnstone.
Laurence County, Miss.Nov. 1, 1825.
This is a vigorous specimen of condensation, and contains, according to the present standard, quite enough plot for a three-volume novel, with special opportunities for essays on the horrors of slavery. If any rising authoress—we will give way to a lady—should happen to stumble across this book, and see her opportunity, we will waive all rights, as, after trying to sketch out the story, it was abandoned in despair, owing to our inability to keep our wandering attention from the next advertisement, which gives a companion picture, though the complaint is this time laid by thewoman:—
$100REWARD—For the apprehension of Lewis Turtle, a tall man, about 50 years, has considerable money and a high forehead, long face and lantern jawed man, a bad man, with a fist like a giant, and has often beat me, and I want him to end his days in the Penitentiary where he belongs, and he wears a grey coat, with a very large mouth, and one blue eye, and one blind blue eye, and a hideous looking man, and now living with the 7th woman, and me having one child to him, and he has gone off, and I want him brought slap up in the law, with blue pants. He ought to be arrested and has a $100 of my money, and a bald headed rascal, full of flattery and receipt, and she is a bad woman, and her little girl calls him “papa” and is called Eliza Jane Tillis, and a boy blind of one eye, and he is not a man who has got any too much sense, nor her. And he stole $100 from me, and some of my gold and silver, and ought to be caught and I will never live with him again, no never, he is a disgrace. And I would like to have him caught up and compelled to maintain me and his child, as I am his lawful wedded wife, and have the certificate of marriage in my possession.Nancy Turtle.
$100REWARD—For the apprehension of Lewis Turtle, a tall man, about 50 years, has considerable money and a high forehead, long face and lantern jawed man, a bad man, with a fist like a giant, and has often beat me, and I want him to end his days in the Penitentiary where he belongs, and he wears a grey coat, with a very large mouth, and one blue eye, and one blind blue eye, and a hideous looking man, and now living with the 7th woman, and me having one child to him, and he has gone off, and I want him brought slap up in the law, with blue pants. He ought to be arrested and has a $100 of my money, and a bald headed rascal, full of flattery and receipt, and she is a bad woman, and her little girl calls him “papa” and is called Eliza Jane Tillis, and a boy blind of one eye, and he is not a man who has got any too much sense, nor her. And he stole $100 from me, and some of my gold and silver, and ought to be caught and I will never live with him again, no never, he is a disgrace. And I would like to have him caught up and compelled to maintain me and his child, as I am his lawful wedded wife, and have the certificate of marriage in my possession.
Nancy Turtle.
Coherency was evidently not Nancy’s forte, and if she entertained her turtle-dove with much conversation as per sample, he was hardly to be blamed for trying a little change. In 1853 a sad and suffering husband sought consolation from the Muse, and published his lines in a Connecticut paper. Though not strictly in accordance with the rules laid down by authorities, they contain a good deal in a smallspace:—
Julia, my wife, has grown quite rude;She has left me in a lonesome mood;She has left my board,She has took my bed,She has gave away my meat and bread,She has left me in spite of friends and church,She has carried with her all my shirts.Now ye who read this paper,Since she cut this reckless caper,I will not pay one single fractionFor any debt of her contraction.Levi Rockwell.East Windsor, Conn. Aug. 4, 1853.
Julia, my wife, has grown quite rude;She has left me in a lonesome mood;She has left my board,She has took my bed,She has gave away my meat and bread,She has left me in spite of friends and church,She has carried with her all my shirts.Now ye who read this paper,Since she cut this reckless caper,I will not pay one single fractionFor any debt of her contraction.Levi Rockwell.
Julia, my wife, has grown quite rude;She has left me in a lonesome mood;She has left my board,She has took my bed,She has gave away my meat and bread,She has left me in spite of friends and church,She has carried with her all my shirts.Now ye who read this paper,Since she cut this reckless caper,I will not pay one single fractionFor any debt of her contraction.
Julia, my wife, has grown quite rude;She has left me in a lonesome mood;She has left my board,She has took my bed,She has gave away my meat and bread,She has left me in spite of friends and church,She has carried with her all my shirts.Now ye who read this paper,Since she cut this reckless caper,I will not pay one single fractionFor any debt of her contraction.
Levi Rockwell.
East Windsor, Conn. Aug. 4, 1853.
Another husband also flies to verse for consolation, and records both his experiences and his determination in the followingnotice:—
Whereas my pet, my pretty toy,My wife, my Lizzie J.,Has left my bed and my employ,With other men to stray.I, therefore, take this to forewarnYou not to trust her with a straw,For I will never pay her corn,Unless compelled by law.Henry Kanute.Big Suamico, Oct. 13, 1870.
Whereas my pet, my pretty toy,My wife, my Lizzie J.,Has left my bed and my employ,With other men to stray.I, therefore, take this to forewarnYou not to trust her with a straw,For I will never pay her corn,Unless compelled by law.Henry Kanute.
Whereas my pet, my pretty toy,My wife, my Lizzie J.,Has left my bed and my employ,With other men to stray.I, therefore, take this to forewarnYou not to trust her with a straw,For I will never pay her corn,Unless compelled by law.
Whereas my pet, my pretty toy,My wife, my Lizzie J.,Has left my bed and my employ,With other men to stray.I, therefore, take this to forewarnYou not to trust her with a straw,For I will never pay her corn,Unless compelled by law.
Henry Kanute.
Big Suamico, Oct. 13, 1870.
Still another husband, after publishing some supposed grievances in the public prints, is made to see the error of his ways, and eats the leek in the following manner, and ina New York paper. Verse is here the sign not of the disease but of theremedy:—
WHEREASI, Daniel Clay, through misrepresentation, was induced to post my wife, Rhoda, in the papers; now I beg leave to inform the public, that I have again taken her to wife, after settling all our domestic broils in an amicable manner; so that everything, as usual, goes on like clockwork.Divorc’d like scissars rent in twain,Each mourn’d the rivet out:Now whet and riveted again,They’ll make the old shears cut.
WHEREASI, Daniel Clay, through misrepresentation, was induced to post my wife, Rhoda, in the papers; now I beg leave to inform the public, that I have again taken her to wife, after settling all our domestic broils in an amicable manner; so that everything, as usual, goes on like clockwork.
Divorc’d like scissars rent in twain,Each mourn’d the rivet out:Now whet and riveted again,They’ll make the old shears cut.
Divorc’d like scissars rent in twain,Each mourn’d the rivet out:Now whet and riveted again,They’ll make the old shears cut.
Divorc’d like scissars rent in twain,Each mourn’d the rivet out:Now whet and riveted again,They’ll make the old shears cut.
With a notification from a maligned as well as injured wife, this selection will probably be consideredcomplete:—
NOTICE.WHEREASmy husband Chas. F. Sandford, has thought proper to post me, and accuse me of having left his bed and board without cause, etc., I wish to make it known that the said Charlie never had a bed, the bed and furniture belonging to me, given to me by my father; the room and board he pretended to furnish me were in Providence, where he left me alone, while he staid at the Valley with his “Ma.” He offered me $200 to leave him and go home, telling at the same time that I could not stay at the place he had provided for me, and as I have never seen the named sum, I suppose he will let me have it if I can earn the amount. It was useless for Charlie to warn the public against trusting me on his account, as my father has paid my bills since my marriage, as before.Moral.—Girls, never marry a man not weaned from his “Ma,” and don’t marry the whole family.Eleanor J. Sandford.North Providence, July 1, 1871.
NOTICE.
WHEREASmy husband Chas. F. Sandford, has thought proper to post me, and accuse me of having left his bed and board without cause, etc., I wish to make it known that the said Charlie never had a bed, the bed and furniture belonging to me, given to me by my father; the room and board he pretended to furnish me were in Providence, where he left me alone, while he staid at the Valley with his “Ma.” He offered me $200 to leave him and go home, telling at the same time that I could not stay at the place he had provided for me, and as I have never seen the named sum, I suppose he will let me have it if I can earn the amount. It was useless for Charlie to warn the public against trusting me on his account, as my father has paid my bills since my marriage, as before.
Moral.—Girls, never marry a man not weaned from his “Ma,” and don’t marry the whole family.
Eleanor J. Sandford.
North Providence, July 1, 1871.
From such advertisements as the foregoing to those which emanate from persons desirous of becoming married is but a step; though, as has been already shown, most of the applications which come under the head of Matrimonial in the New York papers hardly justify the selection. Here is one, of a fair and honourable type enough, but it is fifty years old, being from theNew York Morning Heraldof July 2, 1824. This probably accounts for its really meaning marriage, and nothingelse:—
WANTEDimmediately a young LADY of the following description (as a wife) with about 2000 dollars as a patrimony: Sweet temper, spend little, be a good housewife and born in America; and as I am not more than 25 years of age I hope it will not be difficult to find a good wife.N.B.—I take my dwelling in South Second Street, No. 273. Any lady that answers the above description will please to leave her card.
WANTEDimmediately a young LADY of the following description (as a wife) with about 2000 dollars as a patrimony: Sweet temper, spend little, be a good housewife and born in America; and as I am not more than 25 years of age I hope it will not be difficult to find a good wife.
N.B.—I take my dwelling in South Second Street, No. 273. Any lady that answers the above description will please to leave her card.
This swain in his anxiety has forgotten to give either name or initials, so we cannot take steps to see whether or not he succeeded in getting a “rale Yankee gal.” The advertisements of the present day are mainly of the character already quoted from theSunday Mercury, in proof whereof we take one cut at random from a paper published three thousand miles away from that estimable journal, viz., theSan FranciscoChronicle:—
TWOFUN-LOVING YOUNG LADIES would like to correspond with an unlimited number of young gentlemen; object, fun. Address, Roxey Hastings and Gracie Baker, Virginia, Nevada.jy17 2t*
TWOFUN-LOVING YOUNG LADIES would like to correspond with an unlimited number of young gentlemen; object, fun. Address, Roxey Hastings and Gracie Baker, Virginia, Nevada.
jy17 2t*
This is barefaced enough, in all conscience; but it is by no means out of the way, and will stand as a fair example of the rest.
From theWaverley Magazine, Boston—which is not a magazine as we understand the term, but a large broadsheet periodical—of four years back, we extract a batch of communications, which for convenience might be called matrimonial, but which have little to do withmarriage:—
CORRESPONDENCE.Two Dollars Each Address For One Insertion.A young manof good standing in society, of refinement and education, desires an unlimited number of young-lady correspondents. Respectability and education the only requisites. Object, agreeable amusement during these long winter evenings. All letters answered. Photographs exchanged if desired. AddressGeorge Meade, box 125, Middleburg, Schoharie County, N.Y.Twoyoung gentlemen would like to correspond with a number of young ladies, for improvement and amusement. Both are good-looking and in good circumstances. None but members of the National Matrimonial Association need reply. AddressCasker Platt, box 2442, New-York City.Ladiesand gentlemen who wish correspondents will please send their photograph and ten cents for particulars and photograph of correspondent. Address “Central Personal Agency,” Garrettsville, O.A younggentleman of good character and habits desires to correspond with some young lady, for amusement, mutual benefit, and perhaps matrimony. AddressFred S. Loring, box 1356, St. Paul, Minn.A younggentleman wishes a lady correspondent. Object, cultivation of the heart and mind. Address,Arthur C. Stanley, box 27, Letter Depot No. 54, East Twelfth Street, New-York City.Will“Mac,” of Cambridge, who has a lady’s privilege of changing her mind, please send her full address to J. S. W., now of Portland, Me.?J. S. W.Attention.—Ladies, when you have nothing else to do write to me. AddressEdward Bell, box 27, Sheffield, Mass.
CORRESPONDENCE.
Two Dollars Each Address For One Insertion.
A young manof good standing in society, of refinement and education, desires an unlimited number of young-lady correspondents. Respectability and education the only requisites. Object, agreeable amusement during these long winter evenings. All letters answered. Photographs exchanged if desired. AddressGeorge Meade, box 125, Middleburg, Schoharie County, N.Y.
Twoyoung gentlemen would like to correspond with a number of young ladies, for improvement and amusement. Both are good-looking and in good circumstances. None but members of the National Matrimonial Association need reply. AddressCasker Platt, box 2442, New-York City.
Ladiesand gentlemen who wish correspondents will please send their photograph and ten cents for particulars and photograph of correspondent. Address “Central Personal Agency,” Garrettsville, O.
A younggentleman of good character and habits desires to correspond with some young lady, for amusement, mutual benefit, and perhaps matrimony. AddressFred S. Loring, box 1356, St. Paul, Minn.
A younggentleman wishes a lady correspondent. Object, cultivation of the heart and mind. Address,Arthur C. Stanley, box 27, Letter Depot No. 54, East Twelfth Street, New-York City.
Will“Mac,” of Cambridge, who has a lady’s privilege of changing her mind, please send her full address to J. S. W., now of Portland, Me.?J. S. W.
Attention.—Ladies, when you have nothing else to do write to me. AddressEdward Bell, box 27, Sheffield, Mass.
The same paper also contains the following. As it is published early in the year, February 5, 1870, there must have been a rare rush of the amorous to enlist themselves under itsbanners:—
NATIONAL MATRIMONIAL ASSOCIATION.HAVEyou joined the National Matrimonial Association? Every young lady and gentleman will learn of many privileges and advantages to be gained by joining the association. 13,400 members since Nov. 9. Monthly meeting of members in different sections of the Union alternating for convenience. Members, though strangers, can recognize each other by means of the grip and secret signs of the association. The circular of the association, giving all particulars, will be sent postpaid upon receipt of ten cents. A young lady and gentlemanare wanted as agents in towns where none have been appointed. Members wishing any information at any time need not inclose stamp. Address “Box 686,” Hartford, Conn.Nos. 6, 8.
NATIONAL MATRIMONIAL ASSOCIATION.
HAVEyou joined the National Matrimonial Association? Every young lady and gentleman will learn of many privileges and advantages to be gained by joining the association. 13,400 members since Nov. 9. Monthly meeting of members in different sections of the Union alternating for convenience. Members, though strangers, can recognize each other by means of the grip and secret signs of the association. The circular of the association, giving all particulars, will be sent postpaid upon receipt of ten cents. A young lady and gentlemanare wanted as agents in towns where none have been appointed. Members wishing any information at any time need not inclose stamp. Address “Box 686,” Hartford, Conn.Nos. 6, 8.
Falling back from matrimony and its substitutes into the regular channel, we take a declaration which contains a theory doubtless often promulgated nowadays at Bethlehem Hospital, Colney Hatch, and maybe Earlswood. Perhaps, though, it will be considered worthy the attention of philosophers, seeing that just now any new or startling view is sure to command not only regard butremuneration:—