POSTSCRIPT.I have broke open my Letter to inform you, that I miss’d the Opportunity of sending it by the Messenger, who I expected would have called upon me in his Return through this Village toYork, so it has laid a Week or ten Days by me.—I am not sorry for the Disappointment, because something has since happened, in Continuation of this Affair, which I am thereby enabled to transmit to you, all under one Trouble.When I finished the above Account, I thought (as did every Soul in the Parish)Trimhad met with so thorough a Rebuff fromJohnthe Parish-Clerk and the Town’s Folks, who all took against him, thatTrimwould be glad to be quiet, and let the Matter rest.But, it seems, it is not half an Hour ago sinceTrimsallied forth again; and, having borrowed a Sow-Gelder’s Horn, with hard Blowing he got the whole Town round him, and endeavoured to raise a Disturbance, and fight the whole Battle over again:—That he had been used in the last Fray worse than a Dog;—not byJohnthe Parish-Clerk,—for I shou’d not, quothTrim, have valued him a Rush single Hands:—But all the Town sided with him, and twelve Men in Buckram set upon me all at once, and kept me in Play at Sword’s Point for three Hours together.—Besides, quoth Trim, there were two misbegotten Knaves inKendal Green, who lay all the while in Ambush inJohn’s own House, and they all sixteen came upon my Back, and let drive at me together.—A Plague, saysTrim, of all Cowards!—Trimrepeated this Story above a Dozen Times;—which made some of the Neighbours pity him, thinking the poor Fellow crack-brain’d, and that he actually believed what he said. After thisTrimdropp’d the Affair of theBreeches, and begun a fresh Dispute about theReading-Desk, which I told you had occasioned some small Dispute between thelateParson andJohn, some Years ago.ThisReading-Desk, as you will observe, was but an Episode wove into the main Story by the Bye;—for the main Affair was theBattle of the BreechesandGreat Watch-Coat.—However,Trimbeing at last driven out of these two Citadels,—he has seized hold, in his Retreat, of thisReading-Desk, with a View, as it seems, to take Shelter behind it.I cannot say but the Man has fought it out obstinately enough;—and, had his Cause been good, I should have really pitied him. For when he was driven out of theGreat Watch-Coat,—you see, he did not run away;—no, —he retreated behind theBreeches;—and, when he could make nothing of it behind theBreeches,—he got behind theReading-Desk.—To what other Hold Trim will next retreat, the Politicians of this Village are not agreed.—Some think his next Move will be towards the Rear of the Parson’s Boot;—but, as it is thought he cannot make a long Stand there,—others are of Opinion, ThatTrimwill once more in his Life get hold of the Parson’s Horse, and charge upon him, or perhaps behind him. But as the Horse is not easy to be caught, the more general Opinion is, That, when he is driven out of theReading-Desk, he will make his last Retreat in such a Manner as, if possible, to gain theClose-Stool, and defend himself behind it to the very last Drop. IfTrimshould make this Movement, by my Advice he should be left besides his Citadel, in full Possession of the Field of Battle;—where, ’tis certain, he will keep every Body a League off, and may pop by himself till he is weary: Besides, asTrimseems bent uponpurginghimself, and may have Abundance of foul Humours to work off, I think he cannot be better placed.But this is all Matter of Speculation.—Let me carry you back to Matter of Fact, and tell you what Kind of a StandTrimhas actually made behind the saidDesk.“Neighbours and Townsmen all, I will be sworn before my Lord Mayor, ThatJohnand his nineteen Men inBuckram, have abused me worse than a Dog; for they told you that I play’d fast and go-loose with thelateParson and him, in that old Dispute of theirs about theReading-Desk;and that I made Matters worse between them, and not better.”Of this Charge,Trimdeclared he was as innocent as the Child that was unborn: That he would be Book-sworn he had no Hand in it. He produced a strong Witness;—and, moreover, insinuated, thatJohnhimself, instead of being angry for what he had done in it, had actually thank’d him. Aye,Trim, says the Wight in the Plush Breeches, but that was,Trim, the Day beforeJohnfound thee out.—Besides,Trim, there is nothing in that:—For, the very Year that thou wast made Town’s Pinder, thou knowest well, that I both thank’d thee myself; and, moreover, gave thee a good warm Supper for turningJohn Lund’s Cows and Horses out of my Hard-Corn Close; which if thou had’st not done, (as thou told’st me) I should have lost my whole Crop: Whereas,John LundandThomas Patt, who are both here to testify, and will take their Oaths on’t, That thou thyself wast the very Man who set the Gate open; and, after all,—it was not thee,Trim,—’twas the Blacksmith’s poor Lad who turn’d them out: So that a Man may be thank’d and rewarded too for a good Turn which he never did, nor ever did intend.Trimcould not sustain this unexpected Stroke;—soTrimmarch’d off the Field, without Colours flying, or his Horn sounding, or any other Ensigns of Honour whatever.Whether after thisTrimintends to rally a second Time, or whetherTrimmay not take it into his Head to claim the Victory,—no one butTrimhimself can inform you:—However, the general Opinion, upon the whole, is this, That, in three several pitch’d Battles,Trimhas been so trimm’d, as never disastrous Hero wastrimm’dbefore him.
I have broke open my Letter to inform you, that I miss’d the Opportunity of sending it by the Messenger, who I expected would have called upon me in his Return through this Village toYork, so it has laid a Week or ten Days by me.
—I am not sorry for the Disappointment, because something has since happened, in Continuation of this Affair, which I am thereby enabled to transmit to you, all under one Trouble.
When I finished the above Account, I thought (as did every Soul in the Parish)Trimhad met with so thorough a Rebuff fromJohnthe Parish-Clerk and the Town’s Folks, who all took against him, thatTrimwould be glad to be quiet, and let the Matter rest.
But, it seems, it is not half an Hour ago sinceTrimsallied forth again; and, having borrowed a Sow-Gelder’s Horn, with hard Blowing he got the whole Town round him, and endeavoured to raise a Disturbance, and fight the whole Battle over again:—That he had been used in the last Fray worse than a Dog;—not byJohnthe Parish-Clerk,—for I shou’d not, quothTrim, have valued him a Rush single Hands:—But all the Town sided with him, and twelve Men in Buckram set upon me all at once, and kept me in Play at Sword’s Point for three Hours together.—Besides, quoth Trim, there were two misbegotten Knaves inKendal Green, who lay all the while in Ambush inJohn’s own House, and they all sixteen came upon my Back, and let drive at me together.—A Plague, saysTrim, of all Cowards!—Trimrepeated this Story above a Dozen Times;—which made some of the Neighbours pity him, thinking the poor Fellow crack-brain’d, and that he actually believed what he said. After thisTrimdropp’d the Affair of theBreeches, and begun a fresh Dispute about theReading-Desk, which I told you had occasioned some small Dispute between thelateParson andJohn, some Years ago.
ThisReading-Desk, as you will observe, was but an Episode wove into the main Story by the Bye;—for the main Affair was theBattle of the BreechesandGreat Watch-Coat.—However,Trimbeing at last driven out of these two Citadels,—he has seized hold, in his Retreat, of thisReading-Desk, with a View, as it seems, to take Shelter behind it.
I cannot say but the Man has fought it out obstinately enough;—and, had his Cause been good, I should have really pitied him. For when he was driven out of theGreat Watch-Coat,—you see, he did not run away;—no, —he retreated behind theBreeches;—and, when he could make nothing of it behind theBreeches,—he got behind theReading-Desk.—To what other Hold Trim will next retreat, the Politicians of this Village are not agreed.—Some think his next Move will be towards the Rear of the Parson’s Boot;—but, as it is thought he cannot make a long Stand there,—others are of Opinion, ThatTrimwill once more in his Life get hold of the Parson’s Horse, and charge upon him, or perhaps behind him. But as the Horse is not easy to be caught, the more general Opinion is, That, when he is driven out of theReading-Desk, he will make his last Retreat in such a Manner as, if possible, to gain theClose-Stool, and defend himself behind it to the very last Drop. IfTrimshould make this Movement, by my Advice he should be left besides his Citadel, in full Possession of the Field of Battle;—where, ’tis certain, he will keep every Body a League off, and may pop by himself till he is weary: Besides, asTrimseems bent uponpurginghimself, and may have Abundance of foul Humours to work off, I think he cannot be better placed.
But this is all Matter of Speculation.—Let me carry you back to Matter of Fact, and tell you what Kind of a StandTrimhas actually made behind the saidDesk.
“Neighbours and Townsmen all, I will be sworn before my Lord Mayor, ThatJohnand his nineteen Men inBuckram, have abused me worse than a Dog; for they told you that I play’d fast and go-loose with thelateParson and him, in that old Dispute of theirs about theReading-Desk;and that I made Matters worse between them, and not better.”
Of this Charge,Trimdeclared he was as innocent as the Child that was unborn: That he would be Book-sworn he had no Hand in it. He produced a strong Witness;—and, moreover, insinuated, thatJohnhimself, instead of being angry for what he had done in it, had actually thank’d him. Aye,Trim, says the Wight in the Plush Breeches, but that was,Trim, the Day beforeJohnfound thee out.—Besides,Trim, there is nothing in that:—For, the very Year that thou wast made Town’s Pinder, thou knowest well, that I both thank’d thee myself; and, moreover, gave thee a good warm Supper for turningJohn Lund’s Cows and Horses out of my Hard-Corn Close; which if thou had’st not done, (as thou told’st me) I should have lost my whole Crop: Whereas,John LundandThomas Patt, who are both here to testify, and will take their Oaths on’t, That thou thyself wast the very Man who set the Gate open; and, after all,—it was not thee,Trim,—’twas the Blacksmith’s poor Lad who turn’d them out: So that a Man may be thank’d and rewarded too for a good Turn which he never did, nor ever did intend.
Trimcould not sustain this unexpected Stroke;—soTrimmarch’d off the Field, without Colours flying, or his Horn sounding, or any other Ensigns of Honour whatever.
Whether after thisTrimintends to rally a second Time, or whetherTrimmay not take it into his Head to claim the Victory,—no one butTrimhimself can inform you:—However, the general Opinion, upon the whole, is this, That, in three several pitch’d Battles,Trimhas been so trimm’d, as never disastrous Hero wastrimm’dbefore him.