XXI.THAT OF THE RETIRED PORK-BUTCHERAND THE SPOOK.
I may as wellProceed to tellAbout a Mister Higgs,Who grew quite richIn trade—the whichWas selling pork and pigs.From trade retired,He much desiredTo rank with gentlefolk,So bought a placeHe called "The Chase,"And furnished it—old oak.Ancestors got(Twelve pounds the lot,In Tottenham Court Road);A pedigree—For nine pounds three,—The Heralds' Court bestowed.Within the hall,And on the wall,Hung armour bright and strong."To Ethelbred"—The label read—De Higgs, this did belong."'Twasquitecomplete,This country seat,Yet neighbours stayed away.Nobody called,—Higgs was blackballed,—Which caused him great dismay."Whycanit be?"One night said heWhen thinking of it o'er.There came a knock('Twas twelve o'clock)Upon his chamber door.
I may as wellProceed to tellAbout a Mister Higgs,Who grew quite richIn trade—the whichWas selling pork and pigs.From trade retired,He much desiredTo rank with gentlefolk,So bought a placeHe called "The Chase,"And furnished it—old oak.Ancestors got(Twelve pounds the lot,In Tottenham Court Road);A pedigree—For nine pounds three,—The Heralds' Court bestowed.Within the hall,And on the wall,Hung armour bright and strong."To Ethelbred"—The label read—De Higgs, this did belong."'Twasquitecomplete,This country seat,Yet neighbours stayed away.Nobody called,—Higgs was blackballed,—Which caused him great dismay."Whycanit be?"One night said heWhen thinking of it o'er.There came a knock('Twas twelve o'clock)Upon his chamber door.
I may as wellProceed to tellAbout a Mister Higgs,Who grew quite richIn trade—the whichWas selling pork and pigs.
I may as well
Proceed to tell
About a Mister Higgs,
Who grew quite rich
In trade—the which
Was selling pork and pigs.
From trade retired,He much desiredTo rank with gentlefolk,So bought a placeHe called "The Chase,"And furnished it—old oak.
From trade retired,
He much desired
To rank with gentlefolk,
So bought a place
He called "The Chase,"
And furnished it—old oak.
Ancestors got(Twelve pounds the lot,In Tottenham Court Road);A pedigree—For nine pounds three,—The Heralds' Court bestowed.
Ancestors got
(Twelve pounds the lot,
In Tottenham Court Road);
A pedigree—
For nine pounds three,—
The Heralds' Court bestowed.
Within the hall,And on the wall,Hung armour bright and strong."To Ethelbred"—The label read—De Higgs, this did belong."
Within the hall,
And on the wall,
Hung armour bright and strong.
"To Ethelbred"—
The label read—
De Higgs, this did belong."
'Twasquitecomplete,This country seat,Yet neighbours stayed away.Nobody called,—Higgs was blackballed,—Which caused him great dismay.
'Twasquitecomplete,
This country seat,
Yet neighbours stayed away.
Nobody called,—
Higgs was blackballed,—
Which caused him great dismay.
"Whycanit be?"One night said heWhen thinking of it o'er.There came a knock('Twas twelve o'clock)Upon his chamber door.
"Whycanit be?"
One night said he
When thinking of it o'er.
There came a knock
('Twas twelve o'clock)
Upon his chamber door.
Higgs cried, "Come in!"A vapour thinThe keyhole wandered through.Higgs rubbed his eyesIn mild surprise:A ghost appeared in view."I beg," said he,"You'll pardon me,In calling rather late.A family ghost,I seek a post,With wage commensurate."I'll serve you well;My 'fiendish yell'Is certain sure to please.'Sepulchral tones,'And 'rattling bones,'I'mverygood at these."Five bob I chargeTo roam at large,With 'clanking chains'ad lib.;I do such thingsAs 'gibberings'At one-and-three per gib."Or, by the week,I merely seekTwo pounds—which is not dear;Because I need,Of course,nofeed,Nowashing, andnobeer."Higgs thought it o'erA bit, beforeHe hired the family ghost,But, finally,He did agreeTo give to him the post.It got about—You know, no doubt,How quickly such news flies—Throughout the place,From "Higgses Chase"Proceeded ghostly cries.The rumour spread,Folks shook their head,But dropped in one by one.A bishop came(Forget his name),And then the thing was done.For afterwardsAllleft their cards,"Because," said they, "you see,One who can boastA family ghostRespectablemustbe."* * *
Higgs cried, "Come in!"A vapour thinThe keyhole wandered through.Higgs rubbed his eyesIn mild surprise:A ghost appeared in view."I beg," said he,"You'll pardon me,In calling rather late.A family ghost,I seek a post,With wage commensurate."I'll serve you well;My 'fiendish yell'Is certain sure to please.'Sepulchral tones,'And 'rattling bones,'I'mverygood at these."Five bob I chargeTo roam at large,With 'clanking chains'ad lib.;I do such thingsAs 'gibberings'At one-and-three per gib."Or, by the week,I merely seekTwo pounds—which is not dear;Because I need,Of course,nofeed,Nowashing, andnobeer."Higgs thought it o'erA bit, beforeHe hired the family ghost,But, finally,He did agreeTo give to him the post.It got about—You know, no doubt,How quickly such news flies—Throughout the place,From "Higgses Chase"Proceeded ghostly cries.The rumour spread,Folks shook their head,But dropped in one by one.A bishop came(Forget his name),And then the thing was done.For afterwardsAllleft their cards,"Because," said they, "you see,One who can boastA family ghostRespectablemustbe."* * *
Higgs cried, "Come in!"A vapour thinThe keyhole wandered through.Higgs rubbed his eyesIn mild surprise:A ghost appeared in view.
Higgs cried, "Come in!"
A vapour thin
The keyhole wandered through.
Higgs rubbed his eyes
In mild surprise:
A ghost appeared in view.
"I beg," said he,"You'll pardon me,In calling rather late.A family ghost,I seek a post,With wage commensurate.
"I beg," said he,
"You'll pardon me,
In calling rather late.
A family ghost,
I seek a post,
With wage commensurate.
"I'll serve you well;My 'fiendish yell'Is certain sure to please.'Sepulchral tones,'And 'rattling bones,'I'mverygood at these.
"I'll serve you well;
My 'fiendish yell'
Is certain sure to please.
'Sepulchral tones,'
And 'rattling bones,'
I'mverygood at these.
"Five bob I chargeTo roam at large,With 'clanking chains'ad lib.;I do such thingsAs 'gibberings'At one-and-three per gib.
"Five bob I charge
To roam at large,
With 'clanking chains'ad lib.;
I do such things
As 'gibberings'
At one-and-three per gib.
"Or, by the week,I merely seekTwo pounds—which is not dear;Because I need,Of course,nofeed,Nowashing, andnobeer."
"Or, by the week,
I merely seek
Two pounds—which is not dear;
Because I need,
Of course,nofeed,
Nowashing, andnobeer."
Higgs thought it o'erA bit, beforeHe hired the family ghost,But, finally,He did agreeTo give to him the post.
Higgs thought it o'er
A bit, before
He hired the family ghost,
But, finally,
He did agree
To give to him the post.
It got about—You know, no doubt,How quickly such news flies—Throughout the place,From "Higgses Chase"Proceeded ghostly cries.
It got about—
You know, no doubt,
How quickly such news flies—
Throughout the place,
From "Higgses Chase"
Proceeded ghostly cries.
The rumour spread,Folks shook their head,But dropped in one by one.A bishop came(Forget his name),And then the thing was done.
The rumour spread,
Folks shook their head,
But dropped in one by one.
A bishop came
(Forget his name),
And then the thing was done.
For afterwardsAllleft their cards,"Because," said they, "you see,One who can boastA family ghostRespectablemustbe."
For afterwards
Allleft their cards,
"Because," said they, "you see,
One who can boast
A family ghost
Respectablemustbe."
* * *
* * *
When it was due,The "ghostes's" screwHiggs raised—as was but right—They often play,In friendly way,A game of cards at night.
When it was due,The "ghostes's" screwHiggs raised—as was but right—They often play,In friendly way,A game of cards at night.
When it was due,The "ghostes's" screwHiggs raised—as was but right—They often play,In friendly way,A game of cards at night.
When it was due,
The "ghostes's" screw
Higgs raised—as was but right—
They often play,
In friendly way,
A game of cards at night.