THE PUFF BAKER
'At last, after two months of sickness, and despite every attention and kindness on the part of the doctor, the patients began to weary of being ill and kept to their beds for so long. The Lord Mayor was the first to arise and, although very weak in the legs, he managed to crawl to the top of the stairs, and looking down, beheld, to his dismay, the dreadful state of ruin in which everything was involved. He called for his servants as loudly as his weakness would allow him, and, obtaining no reply, he scrambled down the stairs on his hands and knees, and clamoured shrilly for a cut from the joint. As, of course, there was no one to procure this for him nor, indeed, any joint from which to procure a cut, he boiled himself an egg, and was able to survey the scene more calmly.
TREATED WITH DELICIOUS JALAPS
'Presently the aldermen crawled down one by one, then the shopmen, then the bandsmen, and, finally, the rest of the inhabitants, disturbed by the weeping and yells of those already arisen, struggled downstairs, and in agony beheld the general devastation.
'Resolved not to touch another drop of the doctor's medicine, they satisfied the cravings of their hunger, which now began to be felt, on the wild marrows, turnips, and mushrooms that everywhere abounded, and by degrees regained a little of their former vigour.
The Lord Mayor held a long council
'The Lord Mayor and aldermen, already feeling a little more comfortable, held a long council, at which it was decided that it would be less expensive to burn the old town, and to build a new one on its site, than to try and clear up the old one. It was also decidedto arrest the unfortunate doctor, whom they all now joined in accusing as the cause of their trouble, and bring him to trial.
AS SOME PATIENT PREPARED HIS DOSE
'In the course of time the town was rebuilt, and the doctor was the first prisoner to stand on his trial at the new Town Hall.
'On the appointed day the Hall was crammed to its utmost, as at one time the prisoner had been much loved and looked up to by his fellow-townsmen.
'When the Lord Mayor arrived in state, between two Admirals of the Fleet, and took his seat, the foreman of the jury awakened his brother-jurors, who had been dozing off, and called for three cheers for the Lord Mayor, in which everybody joined. The Lord Mayor made no reply, except to frown severely at the foreman, and proceeded at once with the business in hand. "Lock all the doors and bring in the prisoner,"cried he in a loud voice, after clearing his throat. The doors were instantly locked, but some confusion arose when it was discovered that they could not bring in the prisoner unless one were unlocked again. On this being very politely pointed out to the Lord Mayor (who did not seem quite to like being corrected), he altered his order, and cried out: "Bring in the prisoner, and lock all the doors." Immediately the band struck up the most martial music and the prisoner was brought in, tied tightly with twine, sealed with red sealing-wax, and guarded by a squad of infantry, who at once formed fours, and marked time for the rest of the afternoon.
'When the music had ceased, and the general excitement caused by the entrance of the prisoner had subsided, the Lord Mayor politely requested him to take a seat, which he very gladly did, on being untied by the policeman.
'Now, as every one knew that the doctor had really been the cause of all the trouble, the only point to be decided at the trial was whether he had done it intentionally or not, and the Lord Mayor addressed him accordingly, asking him if he had anything to say upon the subject. The doctor happened to be thinking of something else at the moment and, moreover, had his head turned in another direction, watching a fly on the window of the hall, so that he did not hear the question. The Lord Mayor waited about a quarter of an hour for an answer, and receiving none, hecalled, in an annoyed tone, for the witnesses for the prosecution.
THE VERY SPARROWS GREW THIN
'The principal witness for the prosecution was a Sicilian char-woman, whose evidence was translated by one of the many aldermen present to assist in case of need. It appeared that in her young days she had made the acquaintance of a young and handsome Sicilian waiter, a distant cousin, and a native of the village in which she was born. So friendly did theybecome in time that he had confided to her many of the secrets of his life, and, amongst others, one that had weighed very heavily upon his mind. Some time previously, when employed at a well-known refreshment hall, on the coast of Lombardy, he had waited upon a distinguished young gentleman of considerable means, and had overheard him whisper to a chance acquaintance, seated at the next table, that a friend of his, a tall dark man, had met a young lady at a whist-party, whose greatest friend had an aunt, formerly engaged to a well-meaning curate, who averred that his brother knew for certain thatIT WAS DONE QUITE INTENTIONALLY BY—— Here the waiter was called away to another client, and did not hear the rest of the sentence.
'Now the Sicilian char-woman, on hearing this from her good friend, was much puzzled, and not knowing to whom the words might refer, made a mental note of it at the time. On reading of the arrest of the doctor, however, and of what he was accused, she concluded that there must be some connection between him and the man mentioned by the brother of the well-meaning curate formerly engaged to the aunt of the greatest friend of the young lady who was met at the whist party by the tall dark friend of the young gentleman of considerable means who, as you know, was waited upon by the Sicilian waiter at the well-known refreshment hall in Lombardy, so she had hastened from Sicilyto tell her tale. At the conclusion of her evidence a murmur of admiration was heard all over the court, and the Lord Mayor was so charmed with her and the really pleasant way in which she had told her tale, that he lightly threw a half-crown to her across the hall, which she very neatly caught. She then sat down, amidst the cheers of the crowd.
'The principal witness for the defence was a young journeyman tailor, who stated that on cleaning out the pockets of an old coat which had been left at his house for repairs by a dark gentleman of mysterious appearance, he had discovered an old envelope upon which he could just trace the figures 56—6.30A.M.The coat was never called for, and the tailor pondered over the envelope, but could make nothing of it. He showed it to every policeman of his acquaintance, but not one could unravel the mystery, and, as a last resource, he procured an introduction to the principal policeman in the British Museum Library. This great man examined the envelope very carefully, but with no result, and the only advice he could give him was to call at every house numbered 56 at 6.30 in the morning and see what would happen.
'The tailor followed this advice diligently for some time and met with many rebuffs, as he had nothing to say on the door being opened to him. At length one morning he came to an empty house numbered 56, the steps of which were littered with straw. Gazing hopelessly at this for some time, he noticed that threepieces pointed distinctly in one direction to the corner of the street, and you may well imagine his surprise when, on following the direction indicated by the straw, he came across this postcard.'
Ptolemy Jenkinson here handed this torn postcard to the company.
Ptolemy again proceeded with his story:—
'Now the tailor, more puzzled than ever, took the card home, and, after weeks of deep thinking, decided that the card must have been completed thus.'
Ptolemy here handed the remaining portion of card, with the tailor's suggested completion, to the company.
'You may guess the surprise of every one present when the tailor produced the completed card. The Lord Mayor gazed at it in astonishment. He turned it over and over, and suddenly noticing that there was a foreign stamp on the other side, he became more excited than ever, and asked if he might tearit off, as his son had rather a good collection. This the tailor readily allowed him to do, and this put the Lord Mayor in a good temper for the rest of the afternoon, and gave a more cheerful aspect to the case altogether.
'After the tailor's evidence, which, of course, proved that the doctor had not intended to bring about the harm of which he had been the unfortunate cause, there was nothing for the Lord Mayor to do but to acquit the prisoner, which he did, much to everybody's relief.
'The Lord Mayor then retired, after ordering a new suit of clothes from the journeyman tailor, and inviting the Sicilian charwoman and the other witnesses to progressive whist and to be introduced to his family.
'So, Gentlemen,' said Ptolemy in conclusion, 'my uncle and myself are quite free at last, and entirely at your service.'
Such a valuable offer could not very well be refused, so, after explaining the object of the expedition to their new friends, the whole force moved joyfully on.
In due time the gallant army arrived at the little town of Killgruel, a very respectable place indeed, at which they spent the pleasantest of week-ends, entertained at 'At Homes,' soirées, and receptions, to any number of which every member of the expedition was invited during their brief stay. Bill and the King were the guests of the very respectable and Right Honourable Hesketh Fitzgreynib, the Mayor of Killgruel, who entertained them with the extremest gentility imaginable. So respectable andgenteel was their host, that it had been said of him that never had he been known to don the same suit twice, having at the very least a new one every day; nor had he ever been seen to remove his lavender gloves even at meal times. It was also reported that, not content with bowing most politely to every one he met in the street, he behaved in a like genteel manner to all the pillar-boxes and lamp-posts that he passed upon his way, and that he always walked sideways down the street with his back to the wall, in order that he should not be compelled to turn it upon the passers-by. Whether these reports are true or not, it is certain that he was the most gentlemanly gentleman in all Killgruel, a town which could boast more elegant and refined people than any other town in the whole world.
He was indeed the pride of Killgruel, and so respected by his fellow-townsmen, who valued him greatly for his exceptional gentlemanliness, that he was not allowed to soil his hands by so much as a stroke of work, but only to be respectable from morning to night. An intelligent boy scout was employed to look after him, and even to think for him, with orders never on any account to leave him, so that in time this respectable gentleman became very respectable indeed, and relying for almost everything on the intelligence and affection of the boy scout, who now performed for him even his duties as Mayor of Killgruel, the good man was enabled to devote hiswhole thoughts to the cultivation of his respectability.
His good wife, the Lady Lilian Leankettle, who was extravagantly devoted to her husband, shone in the same brilliant manner, and was quoted as a model of gentility by all the good wives of the little community, while Bildith, their charming and handsome daughter, gave every promise of inheriting their interesting ways.
But delightful as all this was to the band of warriors, on Monday morning they were compelled to resume their journey. It was, however, so early when they were ready to start that the gates of the town were not unlocked, so the Honourable Hesketh, with whom, as Mayor of Killgruel, the keys were always left at night, allowed the scout to take the keys and let the wanderers out. After a charmingly polite farewell from the Right Honourable Hesketh and others of their entertainers who had gathered by the town hall to see them off, the gallant band marched down the high street towards the only gate of the town, headed by the intelligent boy scout. From the first the King showed symptoms of being rather unmanageable, and Bill had great difficulty in getting him past the shops, which were now all taking down their shutters, and when they arrived at the sweet-stuff shop there was nothing for it but to go in and buy him some cocoanut ice.
At length they managed to get clear of the gates,which were then closed with a bang behind them, and the last they saw of the intelligent boy scout was with the great town keys held firmly between his teeth, in order that he might hold with one hand the top of the wall to which he had hastily climbed, while with the other he waved a fond good-bye to the departing wanderers.
With a great gurgling cry, which all took to be one of grief at their departure, the affectionate lad suddenly disappeared and the brave fellows resumed their march.
Their road now took them across the mountains at the foot of which nestled the little town of Killgruel. Towards evening the noble fellows were crossing the highest peaks of the range, weary, and looking forward to their supper and a good night's rest, both of which they proposed to take in the woods on the other side of the mountains. Every one now began to notice that the old King seemed worried about something or other, and the further they marched the more fidgety he became, until at last, when they had nearly descended to the woods on the other side, the old aggravator called his general to him and said:—'Bill, did you happen to notice in the window of the principal sweet-stuff shop in the Killgruel high street, three fine fat sticks of liquorice leaning against the bottle containing the pear drops? Well, I can't get them out of my mind.' Bill tried to persuade him to forget them, and talked of many other things, in order todistract him from such thoughts. Presently he appeared to grow easier, and as he did not for some time again refer to the liquorice sticks, Bill was pleased to think that he had been successful in directing the old boy's thoughts into another channel. However, as they were unpacking their things in the woods at which they had now arrived and were lighting fires, preparatory to cooking their suppers, the truly exasperating creature again called Bill to him. 'Bill,' said he, with the most miserable face in the world, 'it's no good. I can't forget 'em, try as I will. I don't want any of that nasty porridge I know they are about to prepare for supper. I must have some of those liquorice sticks.'
Hiding his annoyance as much as he could, Bill tried to convince him how nice porridge really is and how good for him, but the discontented old man, who no doubt had been very much spoilt as a boy, would hear nothing of it. 'I don't want to be done good to,' cried he, 'and if I don't have those liquorice sticks to-night before I go to bed I know I shall get the fidgets and not be able to sleep a wink.'
Bill now pointed out the difficulty of obtaining the liquorice, the distance being so great that it would be impossible to have it brought to the camp before midnight at the very earliest.
The King, however, was obdurate, and Bill was now compelled, much against his will, to summon the whole army together and call for a volunteerto fetch the liquorice, but not one, not even the pluckful Chad, would venture to return alone to Killgruel along the dreary mountain road in the gathering night. Bill then suggested that two or three should return together and keep each other company, but it was of no avail. At last, the only way out of the difficulty that occurred to Bill was for half the army to return for the liquorice, and the other half to remain in the woods; but here yet another difficulty arose, for no one would stay in the woods with the army weakened to that extent.
BOWING POLITELY TO THE PILLAR BOXES
At length Bill returned to the whimpering old potentate and once more endeavoured to dissuadehim from his selfish purpose, but the more Bill talked, the more obstinate the old King became, and had it not been for the severe training Bill had had as a minder, he must assuredly have lost control of his temper.
THE CHURCH STEEPLE HAD BEEN REMOVED
'I must have that liquorice,' whined the old grizzler, 'and if there is no other way of obtaining it the whole army must pack up sticks and return to Killgruel.'
Many were the growls of discontent uttered by the poor fellows when Bill gave the necessary orders to pack up again and prepare to return over the mountains. Only by dint of the kindest words did he restrain a mutiny, encouraging them at the same time to humour the old baby and put up with his strange ways until he was restored to his throne, when, no doubt, he would make it up to them in many ways.
In a little time the brave fellows were all on the march again, but the day was breaking by the time they arrived once more before the walls of Killgruel, all utterly tired, grumpy, and footsore. Bill strode up to the gates of the town, which, of course, at that time of the morning were still closed, and pulled the bell vigorously. He waited some time, and as there was no reply, he pulled the bell again, and then, after another interval, he rang it with all his force, but with no result whatever. He could now, however, hear a great muttering on the other side of the wall and considerable running to and fro, so he determined to wait patiently. At length the little wicket in the gate was opened and one of the Killgruellers looked out, and, recognising Bill and his comrades, hastily shut the wicket again after promising to fetch the Mayor.
Bill now waited a very long time before the wicket opened again, and in the meantime his poor comrades, nearly overcome with their fatigue and their hunger, had set up their camp before the walls and prepared their breakfast, after eating which not one of them was able to keep his eyes open a moment longer, and all fell fast asleep before their fires. Even the old King dozed off and snored peacefully in his tent, forgetting, for the first time in twenty-four hours, the sticks of liquorice, upon the enjoyment of which he had so much set his heart.
STANDING ALONE UPON THE WALLS
Bill alone of the whole force remained awake, and waited and waited, and as he stood before the gates of the little town, the noise within grew louder and louder until there was a terrific hub-bub within the walls. At last the wicket opened and the face of the respectable Mayor appeared in the little opening, but so altered that at first Bill hardly recognised his goodhost of the day before, so upset and disturbed did he seem.
The poor man then in the most nervous manner explained that no one in the town had seen anything of the boy scout nor of the town keys since he had let the army out of the gate the previous morning, and until they found them it was, of course, impossible to let any one in. However, the good fellow (who certainly seemed rather helpless without his faithful attendant), besought Bill to wait patiently, as they had not yet given up hope of being able to open the gate. The wicket was again hurriedly closed, and Bill, sitting down by the gate, prepared to wait as patiently as he could. So tired, however, was the noble lad, that in spite of all his endeavours to remain awake he soon fell fast asleep. Long and deeply did he slumber, when he was awakened by a most terrible and deafening noise within the town, which had been growing greater and greater during his repose.
Fortunately all in the camp, on account of their great fatigue, were so deep in sleep that the great uproar was unable to awaken them, but Bill at once stood up and scaled the walls to ascertain if possible the cause of the awful din.
The hub-bub was truly deafening, and from his position on the walls Bill could see all over the little town, which was in a shocking state of confusion. The contents of every house were turned into thestreets, and the distracted inhabitants everywhere hunting amongst the furniture and taking it to pieces in their search for the lost keys. Beds were cut open and discharged their feathers in great clouds that floated about the town; the church steeple had been removed and shaken, and the inside well scoured; many of the good people were descending chimneys attached to lines; pavements were lifted, cellars ransacked, the Town Hall taken to little pieces, old houses pulled down, pillar-boxes cleared out, and lamp-posts blown through by the perplexed and almost frantic Killgruellers in their efforts to find the lost keys. All the milk, the wine, the water, the lemonade and the gravy were being strained through butterfly nets or lawn tennis rackets, and, after melting it down, all the butter, dripping and lard was treated in the same way. The treacle tanks and great reservoirs of linseed tea were thoroughly dragged, but with no result whatever.
A great procession of the townsmen nearly filled the high street which led from the gate to the further end of the town. One by one they approached the gates and tried every key they possessed. All kinds of keys, latch keys, watch keys, cupboard keys, box keys were tried, but not one could be found that would open the lock. To make matters even more unbearable, the respectable Mayor, to whom, of course, every one looked for direction and advice in their trouble, was of no earthly use whateverwithout his scout, upon whom he had so accustomed himself to rely, that he was perfectly helpless without him. His respectability, exert it as much as he would, made no difference of any kind upon the situation, except, perhaps, to place the poor man in everybody's way.
DANGLING BY HIS LEGS
Bill returned to the King who, with the whole camp, was now wide awake, and wondering what on earth was taking place in the town. Bill at once hastened to explain the state of things, in the hope that the old man would at last give up all idea of theliquorice; but in this he was much mistaken, for, instead of replying to Bill, the grumpy old provoker turned sulky and would not say a word, so that there was nothing for the poor lad to do but to wait with what patience he could assume.
The day declined, with no lessening of the terrific din within the town, and the gates remained obstinately closed. As evening approached, little clouds of smoke, with now and again a spurt of flame, could be seen rising from the other side of the walls. Presently a single Killgrueller was observed upon the walls, from which he nimbly leapt to the ground on the outer side, and made off round the base of the mountains, in an opposite direction to the camp. Now another appeared and disappeared in the same way; then another and another, and yet another, and then families of two, three, and four. At last whole crowds came scrambling over the walls, and vanished in the same direction, all carrying as many of their belongings as they could conveniently bring along with them.
This went on until all the inhabitants, with the exception of the Mayor, had left the now blazing town, when he was seen standing alone upon the walls. Like the captain of a sinking ship, the noble fellow had waited until all had found safety before he sought it for himself. Bill hastened to assist him in his descent, and no sooner had the poor man reached the ground than Bill led him gently before the King and all the officers of the little army, who were assembled together watching the flames, and besought him to give them some explanation of these truly unaccountable proceedings of the Killgruellers.
The Respectable Gentleman
'Alas! and alack-a-day!' sighed the unfortunategentleman, 'allow me first of all to put four questions to you. Firstly, What is the good of a locked lock without a key?'
They were all forced to admit that it was of no use whatever.
'Secondly, What is the good of a gate with a useless lock that won't unlock?'
No earthly use, all again admitted.
'Thirdly, What is the use of a town if you can't get into it?'
Of course, they all agreed there was only one answer to that.
'And now, fourthly and lastly,' said the Mayor, 'What do you do with all useless things?'
'Destroy them,' Bill promptly rejoined.
'Exactly,' said the Right Honourable Hesketh, 'and that is what we have done with our now useless town, and all the inhabitants are hastening to build another town on the further side of the mountain, the gates of which shall always be nailed open in order that such a dreadful calamity may not occur again.'
Bill somehow could not help thinking that there might have been another way out of the difficulty, but he did not like to say so. The old King at last realised that the Killgruel liquorice was not for him, so heoffered no serious objections when Bill, early next morning, gave the necessary orders to pack up and prepare for the march, which they now resumed. The respectable gentleman preferred to remain with them rather than again face the unfortunate Killgruellers.
They had not advanced very far upon their road, when Bill, who generally walked a little in advance of his troop, heard a strange clanking noise that appeared to proceed from a tall tree at the wayside. Wondering what odd bird possessed such an unmusical song, he allowed his gaze to wander thoughtfully among the leaves when, suddenly, what should he behold but the form of the vanished scout, dangling by his legs from a branch, and every time the tree was gently stirred by the breeze, there came forth upon the air this weird sound.
Bill hastened to cut him down, but, to his unspeakable surprise, the unhappy young stripling cried, 'Don't, don't! the keys! the keys!' He then explained that when bidding farewell to them the other morning from the walls of Killgruel, in his excitement he had suddenly fallen back and swallowed the keys which, at the time, he had been holding between his teeth. Bill now recalled the strange cry that the poor lad had uttered as they left Killgruel on that occasion. However, in spite of his reluctance to be right side up again until he had recovered the keys, Bill insisted on fetching him down, and, in the severe struggle that ensued, the keys fell out of the boy's throat.
When at length the army came upon the scene, nothing could exceed the joy of the respectable Mayor at beholding his good attendant, whom he had despaired of ever seeing again. He easily persuaded the willing young creature to remain with him, and share the fortunes of the King of Troy, and thus, with this very welcome addition to their forces, the gallant band marched on.
Some weeks after leaving Killgruel, the noble little band entered a great forest, in the middle of which they overtook a stately char-woman; and no sooner did the Doctor behold her than he left the ranks, and going up to her, shook her kindly by the hand. He then introduced her to the King as the Sicilian Char-woman, and very chatty and pleasant she proved to be, and as she was travelling in the same direction, she graciously entertained them with the story of her life:—
'You may indeed find it more than difficult tobelieve me when I aver that I am the daughter of an Arabian Prince, and that in my early years I was considered not merely the most intelligent, but also the most beautiful and fascinating creature in my father's dominion. As companions in my early childhood I had sixteen elder sisters, all of whom were blessed with singularly affectionate natures, and were generally declared to be only less beautiful and intelligent than myself. No care or expense was spared in our education and in fitting us for the truly exalted position it was hoped that we should occupy, as the daughters of a distinguished Arabian Prince. With this good end in view, the services were secured of the best of music-masters, dancing-masters, and instructors in the many graceful accomplishments that were becoming to our rank; yet, alas! with all that one could reasonably ask for, with every whim and wish gratified almost before it was expressed, with the most indulgent of parents, whose sole joy was to fill our lives with happiness, a settled melancholy by degrees possessed my soul and rendered me unfit to share the youthful pleasures of my sisters. It was not that I was in any way unmindful of all the kindness shown to me in countless ways, but that a craving, always with me since my earliest days, to see the wonderful world I had so often heard described in glowing terms, grew with me as time went by, and, weary of the idle life I led, I longed to use and develop in wider fields the great intelligence I had been gifted with.
'At first, as was to be expected, my parents would not hear of my leaving them, but seeing that I grew sadder and more discontented day by day, they at length reluctantly gave their consent, for, after all, what greater wish had they than for my happiness.
'After many consultations with the wisest men in my father's court, it was decided that I should take a course of instruction at the Royal Charing College of Sicily, and, on the fateful day, I took leave of my sorrowing parents and sisters, and, in charge of the Grand Vizier, left for Sicily.
'With such good introductions as my father was easily able to command, I had no difficulty in gaining an entry to the College, in which I very soon learnt to distinguish myself. No lack of enthusiasm and industry did I bring to my tasks, and a native ability far above the average soon found opportunities for development, so that in the course of time I was discharged, a fully certified and perfected char-woman.
'Since those early days my skill, my virtues, and my affections have been devoted to the welfare of many families, some of whom were undoubtedly good, some indifferent, while some again were undoubtedly bad. But without any question the worst household of all was that of the Pettigrew Leanmuffins, when first I devoted myself to the wellbeing of its members. Afterwards, however, as you shall hear, their trials,together with my disinterested conduct, wrought a reformation in their natures as astounding as it was welcome to all who knew them.
'Mr. Pettigrew Leanmuffins himself, a man of some attainments, though ill-tempered and close to a degree bordering on meanness, had little enough to do with me, hardly ever, indeed, disguising his efforts to ignore my very existence; but no words at my command could describe the ungenerous nature of Mrs. Leanmuffins, who not only refused to concede any little favours to me, such as gracefully offering to entertain my worthy friend the waiter and his respectable family, but even denied, with much asperity, my right to enjoy an afternoon nap on the drawing-room lounge.
'Of no value, in her prejudiced eyes, were the hardly-earned diplomas that had been awarded me during my five years' course at the College, and though richly illuminated with gold, amethysts and pearls, and framed in gorgeously brocaded velvet, she would not hear of my certificates for charing being displayed on the walls of the music-room beside her daughters' certificates for musical proficiency. With such poor examples as their parents constantly before them, it is not to be wondered at that the three daughters, Grillette, Pandalaura, and Blen should discover to one, who would have been their good friend, natures so mean that there seemed little promise of their ever possessing more generous dispositions. Rather, thewonder is that they were not really worse than they were, and beyond the chance of any reformation.
I TOOK LEAVE OF MY SORROWING FATHER
'Each valued her own paltry and merely ornamental accomplishments at a far higher rate than my own well proved and certified skill in the serious art of charing, and in their own rude way they never missed an opportunity of reminding me of their fancied superiority.
'During these early years of trial no other consolation had I than the society of the youngest of the Leanmuffin brood—Basil Herbert, one who as yethad not developed the mean disposition of his parents and sisters. For hours together, when the other Leanmuffins were away at some jaunt or frolic mayhap, would I, perhaps smarting under some recent indignity, pour forth my troubles into his not unwilling ears. Though but two years of age at the most, he seemed to understand, and I felt that in his own quiet way he gave me his sympathy. I therefore resolved in my young heart that he, at least, should not be spoilt, and to save him from falling to the depths of the other Leanmuffins was now my one hope in life.
HARDLY DISGUISING HIS EFFORTS TO IGNORE ME
'How often would I, in dumb show, act kind deeds before him in little scenes and plays that I had composed for the purpose, using the kitchen utensils to personify my various characters, thus accustoming his growing mind to kind thoughts, until in time he gave promise of becoming as virtuous as he was handsome.
'He endeared himself to all by his amiable ways, though none suspected to whose loving and untiring care they were due, and friends, nay, even strangers from distant lands travelled to see him, and marvelled at his decorous and kindly behaviour, which charmed as well as astonished all beholders.
'His virtues, however, strong as they were, did not render him immune to the weaknesses to which young children are liable, and in his fifth year he developed a chilblain of the most painful description. Every remedy was tried, dried turnip seed, applications of roasted capers, poultices of wild figs and nard, fomentations of honey and turbot's roe, and many other recipes for the curing of chilblains, recommended by anxious friends. Nevertheless the blain grew chillier and chillier until at last they were compelled to send for a physician.
'The physician, after spending a whole afternoon examining the foot, eventually took the most serious view of the case imaginable, and hastily wrote out the following prescription, promising to call again in a few days:—
Basil Herbert develops a chilblain
'Three drops to be mixed in a quart of lukewarm water and gently rubbed into the roots of the blain every five minutes, day and night, until its disappearance, which, if all went well, should take place in about six months' time.
'I was sent out at once, without a "please" or "will you kindly" of course, to the nearest chemist to have the prescription made up. But, alas! he was unable to do it, as he had only three of the necessary ingredients in stock,—the bicarbonate of saltpetre, the table salt, and the hypo. I now went in turn to every chemist in the town, only to find that not one of them could supply me withallthe necessary ingredients. One perhaps had the tincture of green acorns and the hypo, while another had all but the coffee essence and the clove kernels. Some again only had the spirits of sulphur and the sugar of zinc, and so on. Now, in my despair, I resolved to buyeach separate ingredient at a different store and mix the prescription myself, but, alas! I was no nearer obtaining it, as no one could supply me with the clove kernels. Determined to succeed, I visited in succession every town in Sicily, but not a single clove kernel could I find from one end of the island to the other.
'As I stood on the sea-shore at the edge of the island wondering what next I should do to complete the prescription, my thoughts flew across the sea to my home in Arabia, and I decided to return there at once in the hope of learning from my parents where I should be most likely to find the kernels.
'With the other ingredients securely sewn into the lining of my skirt, I embarked for Arabia, and in due course arrived at my father's palace.
'When my good parents recognised me, which they did only after some minutes of close scrutiny, for it was at least twenty-five years since I had left home, they extended to me the kindliest welcome, and by their affectionate conduct dispelled any restraint I might have felt after so long an absence. In the meanwhile each of my sixteen sisters had married a Sultan or Prince at the very least, and they were now reigning in truly regal splendour in different parts of the world, and my parents, being alone in their old age, begged of me to come and live with them and gladden their declining years. This, however, I soon convinced them I could not do, and besought their helpand advice in my quest. The Prince, my father, manifested the greatest desire to assist me, and took a fatherly interest in my fortunes. He caused the palace to be ransacked from top to bottom, but with no success,—there was not a single clove kernel to be found in the place.
THEY WERE COMPELLED TO SEND FOR A PHYSICIAN
'After an affectionate parting with my father and mother, I visited every one of my married sisters in turn, each of whom introduced me to her husband and friends with considerable pride, for you must know that already my fame as a char-woman of great ability had reached even to the most distant parts. One and all were equally felicitous in their expressions of delight at seeing me, and equally pressing in their invitations to me to take up my abode with them. Yet none were able to help me in the quest I had so much at heart.
'At last I returned to Sicily without the clove kernels, and, too ashamed to appear before the Leanmuffinswithout the completed prescription, I wandered about the island in despair, resting at night in the caves of the mountains, satisfying the cravings of my hunger on the hard dry leaves of the cactus.
'I now bethought me of my good friend the waiter and the willingness he had consistently evinced to help me when in trouble, and once more I embarked, this time for the shores of Lombardy, at which place I knew he had a comfortable situation. With very little difficulty I found the refreshment establishment at which he worked, and, as I anticipated, he was extremely pleased to meet me again, and manifested the liveliest joy at the prospect of being of some help to me. Together we studied the menu of the day very thoroughly, but could find no mention whatever of clove kernels, and then, idly looking through some menus of recent date, handsomely bound together for future reference, we discovered that clove kernels had been served as recently as the day before. It would be useless to attempt to describe the despair that took possession of me when I discovered that I had only missed them by one day. The waiter excitedly rushed down to the kitchen to see if any had been left over, but, alas! there was not a single clove kernel to be found in the larder or anywhere else. On leaving the refreshment rooms I shed the bitterest tears that had ever fallen from my usually joyful eyes, and on the rocks by the sea gave way to a mood of the greatest despondency.
'More ashamed than ever to return to the Leanmuffins, I made several inquiries for any one requiring the services of an amicable, virtuous, and, at the same time, experienced char-woman, determined to find work in Lombardy if any were to be had.
'Not receiving satisfactory replies to my inquiries, my good waiter, true to his kind nature, introduced me to one of his most regular customers, the Marquis of Lombardy, who had been looking out for some years for a capable char-woman to superintend the management of his domestic affairs. Meeting with the approval of the Marquis, I thus secured a comfortable home, and resolved to forget that I had ever lived in Sicily.
'Now it happened that the Marquis, being a regular diner at the restaurant, had partaken of clove kernels on the last occasion they were served, and three or four must have fallen from his spoon into his waistcoat pocket at the time, for I overheard his valet repeat to the housemaid that he had found them therein when brushing his master's clothes, and that he had presented them to one of the boatmen's children. Learning the name of the child, not a moment did I lose in hunting for him high and low, and eventually discovered him playing idly on the sands with what, I was convinced, were the kernels I so much coveted. At last, thought I, they are within my reach, and running joyfully up to the light-heartedlad discovered, alas! that he was only playing with brass buttons.
'After the first shock of my new disappointment had passed away, I questioned the lad as to how he had disposed of the clove kernels, and he told me that his father, who considered them excellent bait, had taken them from him and given him three brass buttons in exchange.
'On asking him where his father was at the present moment, he pointed with his sunburnt hand to the horizon, and looking in the direction indicated, I perceived a little fishing-smack, miles away. Without the loss of a single second, I hired a boat, and, with a boatman to assist, rowed in pursuit, and after a chase of three or four hours drew up, in an exhausted condition, alongside the smack. I now in piteous tones begged the clove kernels of the weather-beaten mariner, but he only laughed loudly and bitterly in reply, and, on my inquiring the reason of his cruel mirth, told me in faltering accents that he had only just hauled in his lines to discover that the fish had gone off with the bait and hook as well. Thus doomed to disappointment, I spent the rest of the day in a state of mind bordering on madness.