New Haven, Conn.,March 4, 19—My dear Mrs. Brown:This will introduce to you Miss Rose Johnson of Camden, New Jersey, who intends staying in your charming city during December and January.I have known Miss Johnson for three years, and feel sure that you will find pleasure in her company.With warmest personal regards, I amSincerely yours,Margaret F. Dowe.New York, N.Y.,April 4, 19—Dear Travers:The bearer of this note, Mr. Robert Duncan, of Chicago, plans to be in your town for two months. Besides being a personal friend of mine, he is the advertising manager of the Goodfield Company in Los Angeles, and knowing as I do how interested you are in advertising, I feel that you would like to know him.You will find him good company everywhere, I think, for he not only talks entertainingly but he plays tennis and golf and bridge and plays them well. I hope that you will be able to help him enjoy his stay in Madison.With kindest regards to Mrs. Travers, I amCordially yours,Bob Westely.Baltimore, Md.,Oct. 19, 19—My dear Mrs. Rowell:It gives me great pleasure to present to you Mr. Raymond Gordon, the bearer of this note, with whom I have been associated in business and socially for many years. Business takes him to Baltimore, where he is an entire stranger. I will personally appreciate any kindness you may show him during his stay there.Yours most sincerely,Robert S. Balfour.
New Haven, Conn.,March 4, 19—
My dear Mrs. Brown:
This will introduce to you Miss Rose Johnson of Camden, New Jersey, who intends staying in your charming city during December and January.
I have known Miss Johnson for three years, and feel sure that you will find pleasure in her company.
With warmest personal regards, I am
Sincerely yours,
Margaret F. Dowe.
New York, N.Y.,April 4, 19—
Dear Travers:
The bearer of this note, Mr. Robert Duncan, of Chicago, plans to be in your town for two months. Besides being a personal friend of mine, he is the advertising manager of the Goodfield Company in Los Angeles, and knowing as I do how interested you are in advertising, I feel that you would like to know him.
You will find him good company everywhere, I think, for he not only talks entertainingly but he plays tennis and golf and bridge and plays them well. I hope that you will be able to help him enjoy his stay in Madison.
With kindest regards to Mrs. Travers, I am
Cordially yours,
Bob Westely.
Baltimore, Md.,Oct. 19, 19—
My dear Mrs. Rowell:
It gives me great pleasure to present to you Mr. Raymond Gordon, the bearer of this note, with whom I have been associated in business and socially for many years. Business takes him to Baltimore, where he is an entire stranger. I will personally appreciate any kindness you may show him during his stay there.
Yours most sincerely,
Robert S. Balfour.
THE CARD OF INTRODUCTION
Very often a card of introduction, instead of a letter, is issued. The letter is preferred in the case of special friends, as it conveys a certain courtesy that the strictly formal card lacks. Yet the card is no less powerful an agent in soliciting and securing civilities for a man or woman in a strange town. Its place is in the business rather than the social world, where often it is the means of securing an interview which it would be almost impossible to get without some kind of endorsement.
The card of introduction consists merely of a visiting card with the name of the person to be introduced written above that of the sender. A card so prepared should be placed in a card envelope, left unsealed, and addressed to the person to whom the introduction is to be made. The words which appear at the top of the card are written also at the extreme bottom of the envelope, either below the address or in the left-hand corner.
Here is a typical visiting card, inscribed correctly with the name and address of the medium of introduction, and bearing the correct introduction above the name:
Introducing Miss Rose M. RobertsMr. Charles Hanson Morton28 West 18th St.
BUSINESS INTRODUCTIONS
The man who values his good name among his business associates will not give letters of introduction indiscriminately. There are no special rules governing such letters in the business world beyond those of the social world. It is very annoying to a busy man to have to interrupt his work to make himself agreeable to all sorts and conditions of men who may come bearing missives which give them entrance. People should remember this in giving letters of introduction and should absolutely refuse unless they feel sure that something of mutual benefit may arise from the meeting. To give a letter of introduction for the same reason that one sometimes buys goods of a persistent agent—to get rid of him—is a very poor way out of the difficulty.
It is permissible to ask for a letter of introduction to a business man if the person from whom it is requested is a good friend and the person who asks for it has an excellent reason for doing so. Of course it is much better when the letter comes as a free-will offering, for there is no possibility of having to meet with a refusal. A refusal to grant a letter should not anger the person who asked for it, and the person who feels compelled to deny the request should give a courteous reason—there is usually such a reason—for doing so.
CHAPTER III
CALLS AND CALLING CUSTOMS
THE BEGINNING OF SOCIAL CALLS
The origin of the "social" call dates from the Stone Age, when the head of a family used to leave a roughly carved block of stone at the door of another, as an expression of good-will and friendship. The most marked development in calls and visiting is traced among the Orientals, and especially the Chinese. In China, even to-day, the social call is practically a sacred ceremony, and it is only the very lowest coolie who does not pay regular calls upon his friends and neighbors.
It is contrary to the American ideal to develop or encourage highly complicated social ceremonies, and even the most formal call in this country to-day is simply a meeting of good friends. With the rush of modern life and the multitudinous opportunities which it offers for diversion and instruction there is a tendency to neglect one's social calls. It is a great pity, for nothing is quite so precious as one's friends, and was it not Emerson who said, "Go often to the house of thy friend for weeds choke the unused path"?
WHEN CALLS ARE MADE
In the city, formal calls are made between four and six o'clock in the afternoon. Morning calls are considered informal in the city; they are made only to transact business, or by special appointment. Only a very intimate friend is privileged to call in the morning merely for social purposes.
AN ALTAR FOR A HOME WEDDING
© Brown Bros.
AN ALTAR FOR A HOME WEDDING
A similar plan of decoration may be used effectively in a much less pretentious home.
Women rarely call in the evening, unless it is a friendly informal visit. Men may make formal evening visits both in the city and country. In the city they may call as early as eight o'clock or as late as half-past nine. It is not in good taste to call very late in the evening, especially in the country where the retiring hour is early. It is perfectly correct for a woman who is at business during the day to pay her calls during the early part of the evening.
Morning calls in the country may be made between half-past ten and one o'clock. Both men and women should observe these hours. It is only in the centers of formal and fashionable society, where luncheon is usually served at one o'clock that morning calls are reserved for occasions of business.
When a call is paid for the purpose of condolence, or of inquiring after a sick friend, no special hour need be observed, as the caller rarely advances beyond the threshold of the front door. Before calling on a friend in a hospital one should ascertain the hours during which visitors are allowed.
THE PROPER LENGTH OF A CALL
Never prolong a call until it becomes a relief to depart—both for you and your hostess. This is not irrelevant, nor is it too severe. There are many people who do not know when to depart, and simply because they are afraid of leaving too early and offending the hostess, they prolong the visit unduly and depend upon gossip and forced conversation to pass the time. It is not good taste to make a call that lasts ten minutes; but it is certainly no better to make one that lasts three hours.
When a first and formal call is paid, fifteen or twenty minutes is the usual time for exchanging civilities, and for making a graceful exit. The ordinary formal call may be extended from a quarter to three-quarters of an hour. A friendly call may be continued an hour, and sometimes an hour and a half.
Calls of inquiry, condolence and information should never be prolonged longer than is required to obtain the information required. Calls of condolence should be made especially short, as it is a mark of inconsideration to force oneself on a hostess who is suffering a recent bereavement.
THE DAY AT HOME
Calls should always be paid on the hostess' day at home, if possible. It is always more complimentary and considerate to observe a day at home than to call on an afternoon when the hostess does not expect you.
In large cities and fashionable circles, it is customary for every hostess to issue at-home cards, giving the day and hour, or just the day, when she will be at home to visitors. These are issued to all her friends and acquaintances and they are expected to make their social calls, calls of congratulation, calls of appreciation—all calls except those that have to do with business—on that afternoon.
Sunday calls are now considered informal. In small towns and country neighborhoods they may be made after church or in the evening, but in large cities formal visits are rarely made on Sunday. Here again men (and business women) enjoy a special privilege; they may make their formal calls any afternoon or evening of the week, Sunday not excepted. Perhaps this is only fair, as the American man, and many of the American women, have their mornings and afternoons completely absorbed by the exactions of their business.
DRESS FOR CALLS
In making business calls a woman should wear street dress of the most simple and conservative type. For her social calls also she should wear street attire, but it need not be so severe as for business purposes. Especially if she is to go by public conveyance she should be careful not to make herself conspicuous by her dress. The hostess is always more or less informally dressed unless her at home takes on the proportions of a reception, in which case she wears an elaborate reception gown.
Men seldom pay calls, and when they do, for the most part, they wear ordinary business suits unless the occasion is one of importance. Formal evening calls require formal evening dress.
PAYING THE FIRST CALL
In the country, all newcomers wait until they are called upon before calling or leaving cards. Formerly, calls were paid only upon those newcomers who were in one's immediate neighborhood, but now motoring has greatly increased the area of visiting. Thus, when a newcomer builds or rents a home within easy motoring distance, one must feel obligated to call and leave cards.
Brides also wait to receive first calls. Neighbors and friends are expected to call and leave cards immediately upon the return from the honeymoon. It is the particular duty of all wedding guests to call promptly as soon as the bride announces her return.
When a lady comes to visit a friend in another town, it is the duty of all friends of the hostess to make the first call. It is also the rule for women who have been entertained in a friend's house in the country to be the first to call on that friend immediately upon her return to town. Where there is no indebtedness of this kind and when two women arrive home from their respective summer vacations at about the same time, it is customary for the younger to make the first call upon the older.
The matter of paying the first call is often a very delicate one. Frequently sensitive people are offended by some unconscious slight on the part of a friend. The following rules will help those who are in doubt, and who are anxious to follow the correct usage, and thus avoid blunders that may result in broken friendships.
An unmarried woman always pays the first call of the season upon a matron. The elder of two women is entitled to the first visit. This same rule holds true among men, when the question of the formal call arises. In large cities, when the recognized winter period for exchanging formal calls opens, very little attention is paid to the matter of the first calls of the season. It is usually dependent upon convenience and inclination of individuals, and upon the settling of an at-home day. Sometimes women who are exceptionally punctilious make their first calls with reference to courtesies extended or received in the foregoing season. Thus, they refer to their calling lists of the preceding winter, in deciding on whom to make the first calls. However, this is entirely in the hands of the individual.
CALLS OF OBLIGATION
There are certain obligatory calls that must be made, if one wishes to be in accord with the laws of etiquette. These are sometimes referred to as "duty calls." For instance, it is essential for all wedding guests, bridesmaids, ushers, and for the best man, maid of honor and matron of honor to call on the bride's mother within three weeks after her daughter's wedding. They must also call upon the bride as soon as she returns from her honeymoon. If the wedding was held at the home of a sister or other relative, the call is made to the lady who acted in the capacity of hostess. The guests at a home wedding, wedding reception or breakfast, are also obligated to call on the bride's mother, and on the bride herself, in due course.
It is distinctly important for all guests, both men and women, at a formal dinner to call upon the hostess within two or, at the most, three weeks after the dinner. This holds true even if the invitation was not accepted. The dinner call should be paid promptly; if a man or woman who has not accepted an invitation to dinner does not call within three weeks, the hostess has every reason to believe that he, or she, does not desire her friendship and hospitality. This same holds true of balls, suppers, parties and receptions. Not to accept an invitation, and not to call, is a gross incivility and reflects upon the good manners of the person who has neglected to make the obligatory call.
Duty calls are necessary after formal luncheons or breakfasts, and after musicales, theater parties, opera parties, garden parties, and after attending a christening. Such a call should be made within the two weeks following the event.
Other obligatory calls are made both before and after a funeral. The first call is merely a matter of card-leaving, unless one is an intimate friend of the bereaved family. After the funeral a call of condolence should be made.
A hostess who follows the laws of good society to the letter, invariably calls on a new acquaintance before offering her any hospitality, or before issuing any invitations to her. Other calls that are a matter of obligation are those of inquiry regarding a friend's health, of congratulation to parents on the birth of a child, and of congratulation to the young lady who has announced her engagement. All these calls are social necessities, and the man or woman who is well-bred never neglects them.
ABOUT RETURNING CALLS
It is of the utmost importance that calls be promptly returned. But perhaps the most exacting of all is the first call. To neglect to return it within two weeks, or three at the most, or to explain by letter why it cannot be returned, is to indicate tacitly that the caller's friendship is not desired. This, of course, is an extremely rude and inconsiderate method to choose, if one really does not desire to cultivate a certain friendship, for there are many gracious and less unkind means to employ.
A bride, or a visitor in a neighborhood, or a newcomer to a town, should not let more than ten days, or at the most two weeks, elapse before returning the civilities of their new neighbors. The first call of a new acquaintance should be just as promptly returned. After the first call is returned, it depends upon the individuals concerned whether a friendship shall be developed, or whether a "calling acquaintance" shall be kept up. (The expression "calling acquaintance" is used to indicate the custom of ladies calling upon each other once or twice during the year as a social duty, rather than as a means of developing friendship.)
When calls are exchanged only once in twelve months it is an indication that only a purely formal acquaintance exists between two people. But when two women are friends, they may exchange calls at intervals of three weeks or a month, and sometimes very dear friends exchange calls every week. However, in this latter case the calls are more or less informal.
Calls of condolence, sympathy, inquiry and congratulation are usually answered by sending cards or brief notes to the callers. Later, on issuing from mourning, or on recovery of health, the calls of condolence and inquiry may be returned, but it is not entirely necessary, and depends largely upon the convenience and individual desire of the person on whom the call was made.
When a hostess is asked to invite the friends of her friends to a reception at her home, she is not obligated to return their "calls of duty." Nor does a woman return any of the calls, formal or informal, of her gentlemen acquaintances. When one woman receives a call from another woman who bears a letter of introduction, a return call must be made promptly, or a letter of explanation written within two weeks after the day of the first call. The same rule is observed between men.
THE CALL OF CONDOLENCE
It should be remembered that no hasty intrusions should ever be made upon grief. It shows lack of good taste and extreme inconsideration.
Only intimate friends of a bereaved family, or of one member of that family, call for any length of time. Others merely leave their cards with cordial inquiries regarding the health and spirits of the members of the family.
They may forward a box of flowers, including their personal card in the box, instead of calling to leave a card in person. But when the formal call of condolence is made, ten days or two weeks after the funeral, the intimate friends of the family should be careful to avoid all subjects that would cause pain to the bereaved ones. They should not, unless gifted with rare tact, make any reference to the death but should rather speak of cheerful things. However, it may be necessary to give some word of sympathy either upon greeting or departure. A tactful way to greet a sorrowing person is to say simply, "I have called to assure you of my sympathy." The subject should then be dropped and other matters discussed.
On departure a word of cheer and sympathy, and a hearty warm hand-clasp go a long way towards helping matters.
Calls of condolence should be brief. It is poor form to remain longer than fifteen minutes, unless one is a particularly intimate friend and able to relieve the intensity of grief by his or her presence. If the person called upon feels the loss so poignantly that he or she cannot be composed, it is far better to leave a cordial note at the door asking to be excused from all callers, than to greet them and cause embarrassment by a display of emotion. Persons in affliction often prefer to be alone, and the intrusion of anyone except their very dearest friends causes fresh grief.
THE CALL OF CONGRATULATION AND INQUIRY
Calls of congratulation are warranted only by intimacy or by friendship of long standing. After the birth of a child, feminine friends of the mother incur the duty of calling upon her and leaving inquiries about her own and her child's health, along with the customary congratulations. Friends of the young lady who announces her engagement are expected to call and offer congratulations. This call is usually made between ten days and two weeks after the announcement is received. Married women who are friends of the young woman's mother also call to make their congratulations.
Calls of inquiry are made during the illness or convalescence of a friend or acquaintance. Sometimes these calls are made after a fire or accident, or after some several financial loss or other disaster. Extreme tact is needed in paying such calls. The call itself assumes no greater proportions than that merely of doorstep card-leaving, yet it is an expression of genuine sympathy and a desire to show that friendship will be continued no matter what happens. The chapter devoted to visiting cards contains several model cards of inquiry that can be used on the various occasions mentioned.
THE SOCIAL CALLS OF MEN
Gentlemen of good society usually devote Sunday afternoons and evenings to their formal visits. Weekday evenings are also often given over to the same purpose. The gentleman who calls upon a lady shows good taste and consideration by selecting her day at home.
A man is expected to make calls of condolence, inquiry and congratulation upon all his intimate friends, men and women. He is also expected to pay a call promptly upon a hostess who has entertained him either at dinner or a dance. However, he may not call again unless he is invited to do so by the hostess. A bachelor residing in a new neighborhood is expected to return all first calls made upon him, but he has the privilege of requesting a sister or woman relative living with him to make the return call in his name.
When introduced to a gentleman by means of a letter of introduction from a mutual friend, it is essential that the recipient return the call within three days. This holds true also if it is a lady who presents the letter of introduction. Gentlemen who are invited to balls, dinners, theater parties, garden parties, etc., are expected to make calls within ten days or two weeks, even though they do not accept the invitation.
THE INVALID'S CALL
An invalid may return calls by sending a daughter or a close friend in her stead. A sister may also make calls for an invalided woman. When a member of society is an invalid, with no daughters or sisters, and with no very intimate friends, she may issue cards or notes through the mails if she wishes to keep up her social activities.
A daughter of an invalid calls upon all her mother's friends, introduces herself, and explains why she is appearing in her mother's place. Or she may just leave her mother's card, with her own name and a word of explanation written above it. The latter method is undoubtedly the most satisfactory.
A person who is invalided temporarily may send cards in answer to the courtesies of friends or she may allow her daughter to assume her social responsibilities. Usually because of the heavy demands which society places upon one she goes back to her round of calls, teas, receptions, etc., gradually rather than all at once. Friends are always considerate under such circumstances and etiquette never exacts more than one can possibly do.
ASKING A NEW ACQUAINTANCE TO CALL
You cannot, except under special conditions, invite people to your home unless you have called on them in formal manner and they have returned the visit. A young woman, and an unmarried woman, wait for an invitation to call from an older woman and matron. It is not advisable for a young woman to ask a gentleman to call until she has met him several times and is quite sure that she wishes to develop his friendship. A woman never calls upon a gentleman except on a business mission, in which case she may not discuss social or domestic topics. A married woman does not leave a card for an unmarried man unless she has been to a reception at his house; then she leaves one of her own cards with one of her husband's.
It is expected of a young matron or of adébutantethat she request being permitted to call upon an elderly matron or old lady after the two have met at a watering-place or in the home of a mutual friend, and after having exchanged cards. A gentleman who wishes to call upon a young girl he admires, first asks permission of the lady's mother, being quite certain, of course, that his visit would be agreeable to the young lady herself. To ask permission of the mother is to convey a very distinct compliment to both women, and reflects culture and breeding upon the character of the young man himself.
When asking a gentleman to call it is sufficient to say, "Mother and I will be at home Wednesday at three o'clock, Mr. Blank. I hope you will come to see us," or, "I should be very glad to have you visit me, Mr. Blank. Mother and I are usually at home in the evenings."
In some sections of the country it is customary for the gentleman to ask permission to call upon a young lady, rather than for the young lady to request him to call. He may say, "Miss Blank, I hope I may call on you sometime before very long," or "I would like to call upon you at your home, Miss Blank. May I call some evening when you and your mother are at home?"
THE WOMAN'S BUSINESS CALL
A woman may call on a man only for business purposes. In this case the man is usually her clergyman, editor, lawyer, physician or merchant, and the call is made during office hours.
The woman who is making a business call does not usually send in a visiting card, but merely gives her name to the attendant. She states her business briefly, remembering to avoid all personal, social or domestic topics not essential to the furtherance of the matter in hand. If it is necessary for a woman to call upon a man at his home, she must be accompanied by a male relative, or by a woman older than herself. This holds true only when she is entirely unacquainted with the members of the man's family, and is only acquainted with the man himself through business interests. She does not send up her cards, merely her name, and she makes her visit as short as possible. When a woman calls at a bachelor apartment or at a gentleman's studio it is an unimpeachable law of etiquette that she be correctly chaperoned. Etiquette also bars a woman from visiting a gentleman's club, even for the purpose of seeing her husband.
The lady who has been entertained at the home of a gentleman may drive to his door and send up her card. But she never enters his home for a social visit.
RECEIVING CALLS
The day at home is devoted exclusively to the receiving and entertaining of callers. This day at home is decided by the hostess at the beginning of the season; one day each week, or one day in every two weeks, is set apart for receiving calls.
The hostess should be ready to receive her first call by a few minutes before three o'clock. She may, if she wishes, specify a certain hour for calling on her at-home card, but if she prefers to leave the hour open, she should be prepared to greet her guests from three o'clock in the afternoon until a little before half-past five.
There are three methods that may be employed in announcing a caller. The method you choose should be governed by what you can afford and by what is most convenient for you. The most formal and effective plan is to have a full-liveried butler at the door to lead each guest to the drawing-room, and then announce his or her name to the hostess. Or a servant may be at the door to offer each visitor a small silver tray, on which to place his or her card. The most simple method is to place a large tray in the hall, preferably on a small table that is conspicuously situated, and into this the cards of the callers may be cast as they pass into the drawing-room. It should be remembered that a maid-servant never announces callers, but only offers them a card-tray and helps them with their wraps.
The caller at an apartment house should first have the hall boy telephone up to the hostess—unless the caller is expected—to know if she is at home. It is not permissible except among very intimate friends to go up unannounced.
The hostess should always prepare some sort of refreshment for her guests on the day at home. In winter, tea or hot chocolate may be served with wafers or cake. Sometimes light sandwiches and bonbons are served on the day at home. In the warm summer months, if calls are made, the visitors may be refreshed with iced tea, chocolate or punch.
DUTIES OF THE HOSTESS
On her day at home, the hostess makes every effort to make her callers feel that she is glad to have them. She rises as each new guest makes his or her appearance, steps forward and offers her hand in greeting. The expressions, "How do you do, Mrs. Brown," and "I am delighted to see you, Mr. Gray," are effective phrases of greeting. It is her important duty to make general introductions, and to give some special attention to each caller as he or she arrives, drawing him into conversation with the others before leaving him to greet another newcomer.
If the rooms are warm, the hostess may invite a feminine caller to remove her wraps, but she must not assume this privilege with the gentleman. She usually serves tea or chocolate herself, but if there are many guests, she may ask one or two friends to assist her. It is poor hospitality to insist upon replenishing a cup of tea after a guest has declined with thanks.
RECEIVING THE CHANCE CALLER
It is not always very convenient to entertain chance callers, especially if one has some important business or appointment to attend to. But when the servant at the door has admitted that her mistress is at home, the hostess should exert every effort to make good the servant's assurance. She must not keep the caller waiting, nor must she ask to be excused after the caller has been admitted. If important business claims her time, she may come to the drawing-room and after welcoming the visitor, explain the situation and ask to be excused. By no means may she send a written or verbal excuse by messenger. Having been admitted, the presence of the hostess is demanded if it is for no other reason than to offer an excuse.
If the hostess has no pressing business duties or appointments to which to attend, it is her duty to afford every hospitality to the chance caller. If the call is made in the afternoon, and if the hostess ordinarily serves tea at that hour, she may serve tea, chocolate or punch with cake or wafers.
When the caller is a gentleman, and the hostess a young lady, it is proper to call one's mother or chaperon into the drawing-room to make the correct introduction, or if the visitor is already known, to welcome him. A young lady who is well-bred does not entertain gentlemen until they have been welcomed by her mother.
When two chance callers arrive at the same time, the hostess is, of course, under obligation to make the necessary introductions.
WHEN THE HOST IS AT HOME
It is not very often that the host is present at his wife's day at home, for the very good reason that business claims all his time during the day. But there is no reason why he should not be present if he desires to and if it is convenient for him.
The duty of any masculine member of a family appearing in the drawing-room on the day at home—whether it be husband, son or brother—is to share in the honors and obligations of the occasion. He will be introduced to those visitors with whom he is not already acquainted, by his wife or sister, as the case may be; and he is expected to assist in entertaining, pass the cups, make introductions, accompany departing guests to the door and join in the conversations.
When it can be arranged it is most delightful for the husband and wife to receive their friends together. For this reason even formal society is lenient with regard to time and Sundays may be utilized for "at homes," teas, or receptions.
TAKING LEAVE OF THE HOSTESS
The hostess is not expected to accompany her departing guests to the door when there are others still in the room to claim her attention. However, it is only a matter of genuine friendliness and politeness to accompany each departing guest as far as the drawing-room door. This rule does not hold true when one of the guests is infirm, or when the hostess is entertaining a very distinguished visitor. But ordinarily, it is all-sufficient to rise when a guest moves to depart, offer one's hand in cordial farewell, and say, "Good afternoon, Miss Cary. So good of you to come," or, "Good-by, Mrs. Blank, I hope to hear some more about that wonderful trip to East India."
The hostess continues to stand until the guest turns to pass out of the room. If the guest is a woman, it is a mark of extreme politeness to remain standing until she has left the room entirely. When all the guests have departed, the hostess usually accompanies the last visitor to the hall door; and if it is a special friend, she is privileged to accompany her to the very street door. However, the hostess must be careful not to extend any special courtesies to an intimate friend while other guests are present, nor may she draw a visitor aside to converse in an undertone about some private or personal affair.
On rising to depart, a caller seeks out the hostess and bids her a formal adieu. Prolonged farewells are not the best taste, for they keep the hostess standing and distracted when there are others who are entitled to her time and attention. As soon as one intimates that he or she wishes to depart, a quick but cordial farewell should be taken and the departure made as soon as possible. To bow oneself out of the drawing-room is a foreign and wholly undemocratic custom which no well-bred man or woman recognizes. A slight inclination of the head, a cordial good-afternoon to the guests, and a formal farewell to the hostess should be followed by immediate leaving of the room.
In apartment houses it is a pretty little attention for the hostess to accompany her guest to the elevator and ring the bell for her. This she should, of course, not do in the event that there are others present to claim her attention.
A gentleman rises from his seat when a woman enters and when she rises to depart. When taking leave of the hostess he waits for her to offer her hand, otherwise he merely bows and offers some word of farewell.
THE EVENING CALL
A gentleman is privileged to make his call in return for a hospitality extended him in the evening. It is considerate of him, when he cannot call in the afternoon, to call on the evening of the hostess' day at home.
When a young man has been asked to call by a young lady, he does not ask to see her alone but requests of the servant at the door that he be announced tothe ladies. This is especially important, for it infers that he expects to be presented to the young lady's mother or her chaperon. After he has met her mother, it is entirely proper for him, when calling, to request to see the particular lady for whom the visit is intended.
A gentleman is usually shown into the drawing-room by the servant. He retains his overcoat and gloves until the servant returns to let him know that the young lady will receive him presently; then he divests himself of these garments and either puts them himself in the hall, or entrusts them to the servant. When the lady enters, he rises, steps forward to meet her, and does not resume his seat until she has seated herself.
WHEN GENTLEMEN RECEIVE CALLERS
A lady does not call upon a gentleman unless it is for the purpose of business. Under such conditions, the gentleman rises, finds her a seat and proceeds immediately with the matter of business. No social or domestic topics are introduced. If the interview is to be a short one, or if the man is pressed for time, he may go out to meet the lady in the corridor or outer office and stand while he hears her business.
When a lady is admitted to his private office, a gentleman does not receive her with his hat on, or with his coat off. He refrains from smoking, and gives her his whole attention during the interview. If the telephone rings, he must excuse himself before answering it. He rises when the lady is ready to leave, opens the door for her, and accompanies her to the door or elevator if he wishes to be extremely polite. However, this latter courtesy is necessary only when the visitor is a relative or special friend. A gentleman merely bows when a lady takes her departure, unless she herself offers her hand.
It is quite permissible when certain pressing affairs claim one's attention to request to be excused or postpone the business call until some later date. Or if he wishes her to be brief, the gentleman may courteously request the lady to do so, and he will invariably find that she will be only too willing to comply with his request. But there can be no excuse for the man who insists upon being curt to women who call at his office on matters of business, any more than there is an excuse for lack of gallantry and courtesy in the drawing-room.
A gentleman receives his masculine callers at his home as cordially and with as much hospitality as the lady receives her feminine friends. He must observe all the rules outlined for the hostess. He greets each caller formally, makes all necessary introductions, sees that conversation runs smoothly and pleasantly, and if he wishes, offers refreshments. When he has a mother or sister to help him entertain, he may invite women guests, and then it is his duty to accompany each lady as far as the door and see that her car is in readiness. When the last guest to depart is a gentleman, the host usually goes with him as far as the hall door, and assists him with his coat.
MAKING A CHANCE CALL
Very often a call is returned on some other day than that set apart by the hostess for the day at home. It is not always convenient for friends and acquaintances to observe a certain day at home, but when they call on other days they always are faced with uncertainty. Of course there are some women who do not have a definite day at home, but they may be found at home almost any afternoon.
A woman calling on a friend or acquaintance on no definite day makes some such inquiry as follows of the servant at the door: "Is Mrs. Gray at home?" or, "Are the ladies in this afternoon?" Having received a reply in the negative, the caller leaves her card and departs. There must be no questions as to where the ladies may be, or what time they shall return, unless one is a particularly intimate friend of the entire family.
When the servant announces at the door that her mistress is not at home, it may mean either that she is out of the house entirely or that she is so completely occupied with business that she is not able to entertain. In either case, however, the report of the servant must be taken as final, and it may not be questioned.
INFORMAL CALLS
We will call it that—these friendly little visits that neighbors make upon each other in smaller towns, or in less fashionable circles. Informal calls. But you may call them friendly calls, if you wish.
In small towns, and especially in the country, women may "drop in" for a chat with their neighbors any time in the afternoon. Even morning calls between ten and one o'clock are permissible. There is nothing formal about these calls. It is not necessary to have a liveried butler at the door to announce the name, nor a small silver tray on which to place the caller's card. Butlers, cards and formalities are all omitted, and the call drops into a delightfully intimate visit.
It would be ridiculous to attempt to set down a definite time limit for these calls. They may be as short as twenty minutes or as long as two hours, depending entirely upon the individuals and the circumstances. Refreshments may or may not be served as one pleases. Formal greetings and farewells are dispensed with, and in their place are cordial "hellos" and "good-bys" that are entirely conducive to good friendship.
If you feel that, because you are not fortunate enough to own a pretentious dwelling and to hire impressive butlers and maid-servants to welcome your guests, you should not make calls and have them returned, you are depriving yourself of a pleasure infinitely greater than all elaborate display and ostentation. Simple, informal calls made for the purpose of creating and developing friendships, and made with a feeling of genuine cordiality and friendliness, are even more gratifying than the stiffly formal social calls.
Do not feel that you are obeying etiquette's decrees when you neglect your friendships merely because your home and facilities do not warrant extensive social intercourse. True etiquette is universal in its appeal and reaches the country-woman in her little cottage as directly as it reaches the stately dowager in her city mansion.
CHAPTER IV
VISITING CARDS—AND OTHERS
YOUR CARD A REPRESENTATIVE OF YOU
An interesting anecdote we have in mind will illustrate better than anything we can say, the importance of the correct card, whether it be in business or social activities.
A rather eccentric gentleman discovered an amazing new commodity for which there had been considerable demand for many years. He became immediately famous. Reporters besieged his home and office in quest of interviews, but the reports in the newspapers were of the vaguest and most indefinite. He shunned publicity, and absolutely refused to see or speak to anyone.
Then a brilliant young chap who knew and understood the eccentricities of the inventor, conceived the idea of having a special card engraved to send in to him. The others laughed at his "foolish idea" as they called it, but he had absolute faith in his plan. He had a neat white card engraved with his name and address, much the same form and size as the ordinary social card. But in the lower left-hand corner, in tiny italics, these words were printed: "Wishes to tell the people the truth about your discovery."
The card went in to the inventor. The reporter was admitted. And his paper boasted headlines and columns of startling facts the next day that no other paper in town had. The very appearance of the card, its neatness and its obvious originality, commanded the attention of the man who hated publicity, and caused him to submit to an interview.
Of course we cannot all have special cards printed for certain occasions. Nor can we be original to the extent that we do not follow the rules of etiquette regarding correct forms for social cards. But we can make our cards so distinctive, so representative of ourselves, that the recipient will find as much pleasure in receiving them as we in offering them. And by distinctive we do not mean the fancy or embellished card, but the one that is strictly in accord with the rules of good usage as outlined in the following paragraphs.
GENERAL RULES REGARDING CARDS
Social and professional cards should be engraved either on copper or steel; plain, readable type should be used. Ornate scripts that are hardly legible should be avoided. Ordinary script type is permissible, but it must not be fancy or comprised wholly of swinging flourishes. A plain letter is always preferable. The ordinary Roman type, or any new modification of it, or Gothic lettering, is always in good taste.
When a large quantity of cards is desired, the copper-plate should be requested, as the greatest number of clear impressions can be taken from it. Requests may also be made of the stationer to use an embossed plate so that the letters stand out in relief. The color should be white or cream. Other colors are in bad taste, although sometimes buff and pale blue cards are used by professional men and women. The stock should be thin; not as thin as paper, but much thinner than that used for other kinds of cards.
Cards are engraved with the owner's name and address, or with the name alone. If it is a professional card, the word "Artist" or "Attorney-at-law" or whatever the profession happens to be may appear in the lower left-hand corner. Military men may also print their rank or position in this corner, as may also professors and others holding a title of distinction.
The engraving of names and addresses should never be in any color but black. Black engraving on a pure white card is the best form for the social card. Gilt letterings are an indication of ignorance, and so are brightly colored engraving or highly tinted paper.
SIZE OF CARDS FOR WOMEN
Each new visiting season brings with it new fashions in cards—fashions that chiefly affect the size of the card. Thus it would hardly be practical to state definitely correct sizes. But we will give here the approximate size for the woman's visiting and social cards, and exact information can be acquired from one's personal stationer or from one of the current magazines which run special departments to take care of matters of this kind.
When a lady's card bears her name only, it should never measure more than two and seven-eighths inches in length and two and one-eighth inches in width. No card should be smaller than two and one-half inches in length and one and seven-eighths inches in width. A double card, on which the names of both mother and daughter or both husband and wife appear, should be about three inches and a half in length, by two and one-half in width. No decorations of any kind should be used on a card.
Polite society at the present time favors pure white, unglazed bristol board about two and two-thirds inches in length by two and one-eighth inches in width.
SIZE AND MATERIAL OF CARDS FOR MEN
It is usual for a man's card to be narrower and the least bit shorter than a woman's. The ordinary size is two and five-eighths inches by one and three-eighths inches, but like the woman's card is subject to change. The stationer will be able to give definite information regarding the size of the man's card at the present time.
A man's card is as severely simple and unadorned as the woman's. No ornamentation, no flourish in the lettering. Just plain, readable type or script engraved in black upon white. The card itself should be of polished, but not glazed, bristol board, the kind that is flexible and thin. Some gentlemen have their cards made of especially thin stock to avoid bulky card cases or waistcoat pockets.
A bachelor may have his home address engraved in the lower right-hand corner of his card, with the name of his favorite club opposite. If he resides entirely at his club, the name is engraved in the lower right-hand corner. It is bad form to have a business address engraved on one's social visiting card. An at-home day is never given on a gentleman's card, but appears in the lower left-hand corner of his wife's card. A bachelor is not expected to devote a definite day to the entertaining of callers unless he is an artist with a studio.
TITLES ON CARDS FOR WOMEN
A woman's visiting card should be engraved solely with her name, address and day at home. Any decorations such as gilded edges, crests or superfluous engravings are an indication of bad taste.
In America a lady never assumes any title other than Mrs. or Miss on her social card. There is only one exception to this rule: a professional woman may use her title of doctor of medicine, etc. In this case, even though she is married, she drops her husband's Christian names and signs herself Marian M. Browning, M.D.
A woman does not share, on her cards, the honorary titles of her husband. For instance, the wife of our president has her cards engraved "Mrs. Warren Gamaliel Harding." The wife of a secretary, judge, general or admiral does not use any title other than Mrs. Even the woman who is a successful physician should not use her title on her social cards, unless, as explained above, she is elderly. It is wise for a woman physician to have two sets of cards, one with her name and title, and with her office hours in the corner, the other with her name alone, and her house address in the corner. A physician's social card should be engraved simply "Miss Marian Mansfield Browning."
It is always better form to give in full the Christian name or names, as well as the surname. It is not tasteful to indicate by an initial only the husband's first name, and engrave his middle name, thus: "Mrs. J. Henry Williams." Both names should be given in full. It is not considered dignified to use abbreviations of a husband's name, as Frank for Francis, Alec for Alexander, Joe for Joseph. Nor should an unmarried woman use such abbreviations of her name as Polly, Sally, Dolly, etc.
The wife who is the senior matron of the senior branch of a family may drop both her husband's first and middle names from her cards, and have them read simply: "Mrs. Robinson." Her eldest unmarried daughter is entitled to use a card reading: "Miss Robinson." When the name is a very ordinary one like Brown or Smith, it is always wiser to use the Christian names to avoid confusion.
A spinster, or as the modern woman likes to call herself, the "bachelor girl," may not use cards engraved merely Miss Gray, unless she is the oldest daughter of a family. She has her cards engraved in either of the three following forms: "Miss Mary Hammond Gray" or "Miss Mary H. Gray" or just "Miss Mary Gray." The first initial should never be used, except when the young lady is known by her middle name, unless professional purposes demand it.
Mrs. John Jay Holmes12 West Street
Miss Helen Holmes12 West Street
CARDS FOR WIDOWS
A widow is privileged to retain her husband's Christian name on her card if she wishes, unless her eldest son is married and bears the full name of his deceased father. In this case, of course, there would be confusion, and it is much wiser for her to have her cards engraved with her own Christian and middle names, in this manner: "Mrs. Lucille May Hopkins." If there is no reason for her to drop her husband's Christian and middle names after his death, she may sign herself: "Mrs. Henry Waltam Hopkins."
At the present time, it is good form for the woman who has been divorced to use her maiden surname with the surname of the divorced or deceased husband, dropping all Christian names. Thus a woman whose maiden name was Harris would have her cards engraved "Mrs. Harris Smith" if she is divorced from her husband. The name, even if she resumes her full maiden name, should be prefixed by "Mrs.," never by "Miss." A widow should avoid following the style prescribed for a divorced woman, since it is likely to cause embarrassing ambiguity.
It is fully permissible for a widow to revive her maiden name after several years of widowhood. The divorced woman, however, may not use her maiden name on her cards until there has been a legal annulment of her marriage, in which case, as was stated above, she uses it with the title "Mrs.," not "Miss."
THE YOUNG LADY'S CARD
When a young lady has been formally introduced to society by her mother, she uses for her first year of calls, cards that bear her name below that of her mother. She assumes a private card only when she is no longer adébutante. The joint card, as it is called, should be larger in size than the card her mother ordinarily uses, and the young lady's Christian and middle names should be used unless she is the eldest daughter of the family. A model card appears below:
Mrs. Robert ColeMiss Jean Evelyn ColeTuesdays South Street
When mother and daughter pay calls together, this one card serves for both. But when the daughter makes calls alone, she runs a pencil line lightly through her mother's name—unless, of course, she is merely leaving cards and not making formal calls. The mother does not use the double card when calling alone, unless she is leaving cards for herself and her daughter. Very often the double card, with the name of mother and daughter, is used even after the daughter has emerged from herdébutanteship, when both are visiting together. In less formal society the daughter has her own card bearing only her name, with or without title, which she uses whenever the occasion demands it, and in many instances, even when she makes herdébutshe has a card of her own which she uses instead of or in addition to the one which she shares with her mother.
When daughters make theirdébutin society at the same time, the name of the mother appears nearest the top, as before, directly below it is "Miss Cole" for the eldest daughter, and below that "Miss Edna Cole" for her younger sister. The form "The Misses Cole" may also be used when there are two or three daughters. The joint card is used to announce the address and at-home day, at the beginning of the season; but it is also used when the ladies of a family send a wedding gift with their card, when they send flowers to an invalided friend or when they make calls of condolence or congratulation together.
There are several other double, or joint, cards used besides those of the mother and daughter. A motherless girl, living with her father, may couple her name with his. Sisters who have no parents may use a double card with the name of the older engraved above that of the younger, or with the simple inscription, "The Misses Gray." A sister who is unmarried often shares a joint card with a married sister, when they are living together. A chaperon and motherless girl, an aunt and unmarried niece are entitled to use joint cards if they wish.
After her first season, a young lady, when calling alone, uses her own card. However, if her mother is an active hostess who issues her cards every season and receives with her daughters, she does not indicate a day at home on her personal cards. A supply of double cards should always be available when there are daughters in the family, even though they issue their own cards, for many instances arise when the double card is more acceptable than any other.
INDICATING THE DAY AT HOME
The lower left-hand corner of the visiting card is reserved for the day at home. If one day each week—or rather one afternoon from three until six o'clock each week—is devoted to the entertaining of visitors, the word "Fridays" or "Tuesdays" is engraved in the corner. There need be no explanation, no further details, unless the hostess for some reason wishes to state the hours during which she will be receiving, in which case it is quite permissible to add them to the names of the day or days.
Sometimes particular limits are set on the days at home. For instance some hostesses are at home only one afternoon in every second, or every third, week. This requires special wording. For instance, "First and Fourth Wednesdays" or "First Fridays" (meaning first Fridays in the month). One may also set a time limit by having one's cards engraved: "Tuesdays until Lent" or "Mondays until April," or "Wednesdays, December 9—16—23."
THE MARRIED COUPLE'S CARD
The married woman finds many occasions to use the card that is engraved with her husband's and her name. It is never used to announce her day at home, unless he is to receive with her, though she may use it when calling, if she wishes.
The double card for a married couple is larger than the individual card, but just about the size of the double card used for mother and daughter. A model is shown below.
Mr. and Mrs. John Blake200 West End Avenue
Brides use the joint card when returning calls made upon them after their return from the honeymoon. It is also customary for such a card to be inclosed with a wedding invitation or with an announcement of marriage, to give the united names of the couple with their future address and day at home. If this last plan is not followed, the bride posts, immediately upon her return home, a double card bearing her address and day at home, to all her own and her husband's friends. The double card is then rarely used, except for such occasions as when husband and wife send a gift together, or pay calls of inquiry, condolence or congratulation together.
USING JR. AND SR.
"Jr." is a contraction of the word Junior; "Sr." is a contraction of the word "Senior." These suffixes are not generally used on women's cards, but there are several occasions when they are necessary. There is, for instance, the lady whose husband bearing the same name as his father lives in the same town. Her cards must bear the suffix "Jr." if they are not to be confused with the cards of her mother-in-law.
In this instance, if the mother-in-law were a widow using her husband's full name, it would be necessary for her to add the word "Senior," or its abbreviation, "Sr.," after her name to avoid having it confused with that of her daughter-in-law. The latter would, in this case, omit the "Jr." from her cards. If both women lost their husbands, and both wished to retain the husband's Christian names on their cards, the discriminating "Jr." and "Sr." should be used. These suffixes do not have to be used if the younger widow only retains the Christian names of her husband, and the older woman revives the use of her own Christian and middle names. "Jr." and "Sr." may appear on the cards in their abbreviated forms. Indeed, it is preferable if the name is a long one.
TITLES ON CARDS FOR MEN
A gentleman's card should always bear some distinguishing title. The only time when "Mr." may be omitted, is when "Jr." or "Sr." follows the name, or when some honorary title is conferred. A boy under sixteen may have a card which bears only his name without title.
Undignified abbreviations or contractions of names should never be used on a gentleman's card. The inscription should read: "Mr. Robert W. Blake" or, preferably, "Mr. Robert Walter Blake." Such contractions as "Mr. Bob Blake" or "Mr. R. Walter Blake" are discountenanced by good society. Only the gentleman who represents the head of the senior branch of his family may use a card with his name engraved simply, "Mr. Blake."
Very often a bachelor has his home address engraved in the lower right-hand corner of his card, with the name of his favorite club in the corner opposite. If he resides entirely at his club, its name occupies the place usually reserved on the card for home addresses. An at-home day is never given on a gentleman's card, unless he is an artist and has many friends who are fond of coming to his studio.
In the army, only those men whose ranks are above captain use their military title on their visiting cards. Others use merely the prefix "Mr." Men who are officers of volunteer regiments are not entitled to the use of military titles on their cards, and they should be careful to use only "Mr." before their names. A captain, major, or colonel in the army signifies in the corner of the card whether his command is in the artillery, the infantry, or the cavalry.
A Justice of the Supreme Court has his cards engraved with the title Mr. Justice preceding his name, thus: "Mr. Justice John Emmonds Gary." Lawyers and judges of the lower courts may use only the prefix "Mr." Presidents of colleges, officers of the navy, physicians and clergymen all signify their office, rank or profession on their cards. A physician may have his card engraved in either of these two approved manners: "Dr. Everett Johnson" or "Everett Johnson, M.D." A clergyman who has received his degree does not use the title "Dr.," but has his cards engraved, "Elmer J. Burnham, D.D." Other men with honorary titles follow a similar style.
Members of the cabinet, if they wish, may have their cards formally engraved "The Secretary of State," "The Secretary of War," "The Secretary of the Interior," etc. A senator, however, may use only the prefix "Mr.," having his cards engraved "Mr. Johnson." Of course the president and vice-president, and ambassadors indicate their office and rank on their card, as do also all professors and deans of colleges. A member of the faculty of Yale would have his cards inscribed, "Mr. Walter Beacon Clark, Yale University." Foreign consuls and representatives use only the title "Mr."
Business addresses should never be used on a gentleman's social card. A physician or clergyman need not follow this rule, provided that no office hours are given.
Mr. Robert Livingston4 West Tenth Street
PROFESSIONAL CARDS FOR MEN
Professional cards and visiting cards should always be kept distinct from each other. The physician who uses his professional card, with business hours engraved on it, for a social call, is committing an irretrievable blunder in etiquette.
A physician has the privilege of choosing either of two forms for his professional card. He may prefix his name with "Dr." or add the initials "M.D." to it. In the lower right-hand corner of the card, his house address is engraved; and in the opposite corner, his office hours. For his social cards, the physician omits the office hours and uses M.D. after his name rather than "Dr." before it.
"Rev." or "Reverend," is the approved title for a clergyman. Cards are engraved: "Reverend Raymond Falke Fleming" or "Rev. Raymond F. Fleming." A clergyman who is entitled to the degree of doctor may use all his titles on his professional cards, but has his social card engraved merely: "Ralph Kendrick Williams, D.D."
Not infrequently it happens that a man has occasion to write his name on a card with his own hand. In this case he does not omit the conventional "Mr.," or his honorary titles, but writes his name identically as it would appear if engraved.
No card should be crowded with a great deal of information but a business card may bear whatever is necessary really to represent the person whose name appears upon it. The salesman or other representative of a large firm has the name of the firm on his business card and the man who is in a highly specialized kind of work such as advertising, may have the word "Advertising" engraved on his card. An agent for a particular kind of commodity may have this fact indicated on his business card. Such details have, of course, absolutely no place on the social card.
CARDS FOR MOURNING
The tradition of edging a card with black in deference to the dead can be traced back to the ancient Patagonians who used black paint to denote the passing of a spirit. They painted their bodies black, if they were near relatives of the deceased, and painted all the belongings of the dead man or woman black. This may not have been so much mourning as it was fear, for these people of long ago were afraid of death, and they used the death-color largely to please the spirit of the one who died. Perhaps the black-bordered mourning cards we use to-day are used more in the spirit of ostentation and display rather than that of mourning.
Unless one is truly sorrowing over the death of some dear one, mourning cards should not be used. When they are used, the borders should be very narrow—never more than one-fourth of an inch. They should not be carried by people who are not in strict mourning garments.
During the first year of widowhood, the mourning card should have a black border one-fourth of an inch deep. The second year the border may be diminished one-sixteenth of an inch; and every six months after that, the same amount may be detracted from the border, until mourning is put off entirely. A widower's card has a border narrower than the widow's in proportion to the size of their respective cards. It, too, is gradually decreased in width until the end of the mourning period.
This graduation, or rather gradual narrowing, of the border is not used in the mourning of a sister's, brother's or parent's death. For these relatives, a border not less than a sixteenth or more than an eighth of an inch in width should be used. Mourning cards should not be assumed for an uncle, aunt or cousin, unless genuine sorrow and heartfelt sympathy are felt. A border that is a sixteenth of an inch in width is sufficient for the complete period of mourning for these latter relatives.
The mourning cards of parents and widows should bear the broadest black borders, but even they must not exceed the conventional width, which is not more than one-fourth of an inch. Very wide, glaring borders denote bad taste on the part of the owner. (See footnote)[1]
WHEN THE WOMAN GOES A-CALLING
A visiting card is always left on the hall table or on the card tray, if it is not given to the servant. The caller must on no occasion carry it in and present it to her hostess like abillet d'admission. A womanneverpresents it herself to her hostess.
When the call is made on the hostess' day at home, cards are left on the tray in the hall as each caller passes through to the drawing- or reception-room. If it is the first call of the season, to that particular friend or acquaintance, she places one of her own cards and one of her husband's in the tray. Subsequent calls of the season do not require one of her own cards left each time in the tray; but if the call is made in return for some hospitality or entertainment accorded her and her husband, she leaves two of the latter's cards—provided, only, that the hostess is a married woman.
Until about 1893, women, when paying calls and finding that the hostess was not at home, turned down the left corner of the card towards the center, to indicate that all the women members of the family were included in the call. If the right corner was also turned down, it meant that the visitor came to make a formal call, not for the simple purpose of card-leaving. This custom has been entirely eliminated in America, at any rate, though it still prevails in certain foreign countries. And rightly so, for it is both affected and untidy.
WHEN MORE THAN ONE CARD IS LEFT
A wife beginning her rounds of first calls, leaves two of her husband's cards with one of her own. She repeats this when she comes to congratulate or condole, and when she pays her final calls of the season. It is wise for a wife always to carry a number of her husband's cards in her card case, as she is often called upon to use them for such social occasions that the busy business man is loath to attend.
If a wife calls upon a friend who is entertaining for a friend or relative and the invitation included her husband, she leaves three of his cards with one of her own if the hostess is a married woman, two of his and one of hers if she is single. She never leaves one of her husband's cards for an unmarried daughter. She should not use the card bearing both her name and that of her husband but should use two separate cards when it is in connection with social calls.
Etiquette does not permit a woman to leave a card for a man. She may call on a man only for the purpose of business, and then she uses her business cards, if she has them, instead of her social ones. A married woman calling upon a single woman who is the hostess and mistress of her own home, leaves one of her own cards and one of her husband's, or the joint card which is engraved, "Mr. and Mrs. William Allan Beckford." In many instances it may seem more courteous to leave more than one card, but a woman calling alone should never leave more than three. It has not been many years since she was almost compelled to leave half a dozen or more but common sense intervened and this custom like most others has been simplified.
SOME MORE POINTS ABOUT CALLS AND CARDS
A young lady during her first year in society may leave her name on the same card with her mother's. If there are twodébutantedaughters, the joint card is made to suffice for all three. If a young lady using separate cards calls on a friend's day at home, she may put two cards into the tray on entering, if the hostess is receiving with a friend or daughter, or she may leave only one card, if she prefers. This is done only when the call is the first of the season, or when it is in return for some entertainment. Otherwise, if the young lady is a frequent visitor to the house, and calls on her friend's day at home, she need not leave her card.
Neither a matron nor a young lady may leave a card for a masculine member of the household. A young lady paying a chance call on a mother and daughters, and being told that the ladies are out, leaves two of her cards. An unmarried woman calling on her married friend leaves but one card. But if this friend has a friend or relative receiving with her, or if she has a daughter or daughters in society, then a card is left for each of the ladies.
An unmarried woman, living with a father or brother, and acting as mistress of the household, has cards left for her as carefully as the matron. A widow must also be given scrupulous attention in the matter of cards.
A young lady who calls after a dance, dinner or theater party leaves a card for the mother of the young friend upon whom she calls. If a mother gives a dance or dinner in honor of her son just returned from college, or just leaving for college, the ladies who attend call afterward only on the hostess and leave their cards for her.
Sometimes, one calls upon a friend or acquaintance at a hotel or inn. If the ladies are out, the caller leaves cards marked for the persons they are intended, in pencil. Otherwise they are likely to go astray, considering the indifference and carelessness of the average servants. It is also customary for both men and women, when paying calls in strange neighborhoods, to write on their cards their temporary address. The corner that is opposite that used for the permanent address is devoted to the filling-in of this temporary address.
THE CHANCE CALLS
If a married woman calls in return for some hospitality shown her and her husband, she leaves two of her own cards and two of his. But if it is just a social call, she leaves only her own card. In this latter case, she asks at the door to see the ladies. If she is informed that they are not at home, she gives the card to the maid and departs. On the other hand, if the ladies are at home, the card is placed on the tray in the hall, and the caller goes into the drawing-room to be welcomed by her friends.
If the maid does not know whether or not the ladies are at home, and says she will see, the caller gives her own card and goes into the drawing-room to wait further word from the maid. Should the ladies be out, she leaves two of her husband's cards on the card tray in the hall before leaving. If the ladies are at home, she does not deposit her husband's cards in the tray until her departure.
Very often a lady will call on a very good friend, more for a friendly little talk and for companionship than for social duty. In this case, she is privileged to send up only one card; and leave it behind, whether that lady is out or in, without any other cards.
SIMPLE CARD-LEAVING
Frequently, cards are left when there is no intention on the part of the owner to make a call. To return calls made upon one, by persistent card-leaving, is to indicate that one wishes to draw a friendship to a close. It is accomplished merely by leaving a card, on no particular at-home day but simply by chance, and by making no inquiries of the servant. One says to a servant, "Please forward these cards to Miss Adams" or, "These cards are for Mr. and Mrs. Blakelock."
There are several exceptions—several occasions when cards may be left without a formal call and still indicate no desire to terminate an acquaintanceship. It is only persistent card-leaving that is indicative of this latter. A lady in mourning, for instance, is privileged to leave her cards only in return for invitations she may have received. It is proper for people in mourning to leave cards for all those persons who called after the burial to leave cards of condolence; these return cards are usually black-bordered, and they are left about one month after the funeral.