This description of a Valentine entertainment will be welcomed by those who desire novel and original ideas.
We were received in a room decorated with wreaths of green, hung in festoons caught up at regular intervals by ribbon streamers. From the centre of each wreath hung hearts of parchment paper, tinted in blue and lettered in gold, each bearing a number and a fate or fortune.
Suspended from a portière rod between the hall and reception room were three hearts formed of heavy wire and carefully entwined with evergreen; above each one was a jingle. The first said:
Blow your bubble right through hereAnd you'll be married before another year.
Blow your bubble right through hereAnd you'll be married before another year.
Blow your bubble right through here
And you'll be married before another year.
Above the second was:
To be engaged this very weekNumber two is the one to take.
To be engaged this very weekNumber two is the one to take.
To be engaged this very week
Number two is the one to take.
And the third had:
A sad, an awful fate awaits the one who seeks me,For he or she will ever a spinster or bachelor be.
A sad, an awful fate awaits the one who seeks me,For he or she will ever a spinster or bachelor be.
A sad, an awful fate awaits the one who seeks me,
For he or she will ever a spinster or bachelor be.
On a small table near by was an immense bowl filled with sparkling soapsuds, and also clay pipes decorated with little blue hearts.
We first threw the bubbles off the pipes and then tried to blow them through the hearts with pretty little fans which were presented to us; none of us found this easy to do, but it was lots of fun, even if after all our efforts we saw our bubble float through number three instead of one or two, where we meant it to go.
After this came a still merrier game. A low scrap-basket was placed in the centre of the room, and the company arranged into opposing parties, forming two half circles around the basket. Cardboard hearts in two different colors were given the sides, an equal number to each side. We were then requested to try to throw them in the basket, and all endeavored to do so, but found they had a tantalizing way of landing on the floor.
When we had exhausted our cards those in the basket were counted, and the side having the most of its own color won the game.
After this a small blackboard was placed on an easel at one end of the room, and we were each in turn blindfolded, and handed a piece of chalk with which to draw an outline of a heart, and to write our name in the centre; the one doing the best to have a prize of a large candy heart.
The partners for supper were chosen in a novel manner, the men being numbered, and the names of the girls written on slips of paper, rolled in clay in little pellets, then dropped into a bowl of water; the one to rise first belonged to the young man numbered one, and so on until each had his Valentine.
A "Good Luck" supper was served in an adjoining room. Directly over the table, suspended from the chandelier, hung a floral horseshoe. In the centre of the table and at each end were fairy lamps surrounded by smaller horseshoes. The guest-cards were square envelopes, at one side a painted horseshoe, and below, "When Good Luck knocks at the door let him in and keep him there." The souvenirs were clover-leaf stick pins, and everything connected with the supper bore a symbol of good luck, the bonbons, cakes, and sandwiches taking the forms of either a clover-leaf or a horseshoe.
On opening the envelopes, we found an amusing valentine illustrated by a pen-and-ink sketch, showing the artistic skill of one of the members of the family.
After supper a tray, containing as many numbers as there were guests, was passed, and we each took a heart with a corresponding number from the decorations on the wall and read aloud the fortune found there. These were very clever, and some surprisingly appropriate.
The "Town Club" was surprised by receiving white cards decorated with cherry-colored ribbon and Danish Flag inviting them to a "Danish Valentine Party." The predominating colors were cherry color and white, being the Danish National Colors. Decorations of the house were of cherry-colored and white hearts and vinter-gjaek (snowdrops), the first Danish flower of the season. The hearts were strung in the parlor, reception-room and dining-room. The archway between parlor and reception-room was draped with the American and Danish Flags. In the centre of each room hung four large-sized hearts, cherry-colored and white, with a gilt arrow thrust through. In the dining-room the hearts were strung in the same way, the lamp shade being of cherry-colored crepe paper. The table was decorated with vinter-gjaek.
The girls wore short skirts and bodices of cherry-colored cambric and white flannel blouses with full sleeves. The hair was worn in two braids, crossed and tucked into the fronts of the bodices with knots of vinter-gjaek fastened into each braid just where it came over the shoulder. The boys wore dark coats and trousers, with white vests.
At the door was placed a box for valentines; as each guest came he dropped his valentine into the box with the name of the person who was to receive it. First for amusement was "Shadow Pictures," the guessing of each boy's and girl's profile. White cards with numbers in cherry ink and small cherry-colored pencils were passed to each. As the shadow was thrown upon the sheet the name was written after the number on the card. Prizes were given for the most correct guesses. The girls' prize was a cherry-colored satin pin cushion in the shape of a heart; the boys', an earthen pig. Then small white cards were passed tied with cherry-colored ribbon and vinter-gjaek, each card containing a verse and below this the initials of a name pricked out with a pin. By guessing the names they stood for, each knew his or her valentine for the evening. It was great fun. Lots were gjaeket (fooled). The verse on the cards read:
"Sir Knight, would'st know thy lady's name,These pin pricks tell thee whence I came."
"Sir Knight, would'st know thy lady's name,These pin pricks tell thee whence I came."
"Sir Knight, would'st know thy lady's name,
These pin pricks tell thee whence I came."
Then all were asked to the dining-room, where they found the following supper awaiting them served in Danish style:
Souvenirs—Three white candy hearts containing verses, tied with cherry-colored ribbon.
After supper the valentines brought by the guests were distributed. Music and a flashlight picture of the "Town Club" completed the entertainment. Then all departed with light hearts.
Invitations should be sent out for the 14th of February. Each guest is requested to bring a valentine, and as they enter the room, they should drop them into a basket which should be ready to receive them. These can be sent later to some poor school or mission to be given out to poor children, who otherwise would get none. A small room can be fitted up for a studio, and as the guests arrive, they are invited into this room to have their pictures taken.
A committee should be appointed to do this work. This can be done by having the shadow of the head in profile thrown on a sheet of paper tacked to the wall. The artist then sketches it with pencil and cuts it out. After all have arrived and have had their pictures taken, paper and pencil are passed around, and the guests are asked to guess the identity of each picture.
The pictures are then given to the owners as keepsakes. A nice idea is for the gentlemen to write a valentine verse on the portraits of the ladies, or make up some comic poetry. A sale of hearts is also a cute idea.
Buy small hearts with a valentine couplet on each; these being read aloud, each heart is to be sold to the person who first completes its couplet; for instance, "'Tis better to have loved and lost," the person finishing it as "than never to have loved at all."
The one guessing the greatest number of couplets can be given a small box of heart-shaped candies.
Partners can be chosen for supper by having each lady write her name on a slip of paper, and putting all the slips into a hat; each gentleman will take to supper the one whose name he draws from the hat.
A pretty souvenir can be given each guest in the form of a small heart-shaped valentine.
Refreshments can be suggestive of the day also. They can consist of sandwiches cut in heart-shape, tied with red baby ribbon, bright-red apples, cherry ice, lady fingers, kisses and small heart-shaped candies. A card on each dish could carry out the idea in the following manner:
Over the table was an Italian green-grocer's sign, and the smiling attendants were dressed to represent Italian women. The table was loaded with fruits and vegetables, all made of tissue paper. The stock included pumpkins, squashes, cabbages, cauliflower, curly lettuce, beets, carrots, potatoes, tomatoes, radishes, oranges, and grapes. The vegetables sold for five or ten cents, according to size and contents, for each contained a prize. The radishes and grapes were candies covered with the proper shade of paper and tied in bunches.
There was enough mystery about the contents of these artificial vegetables and fruits to make them sell. One person might open a cucumber and find a child's handkerchief rolled within, but if a neighbor bought one, hoping to secure a handkerchief, he would be quite as likely to find a china doll. The proceeds of this sale were donated to charity.
A slip of paper entitled "Vegetables in Disguise" was passed to each guest, and twenty-five minutes allotted for puzzling out the answers. The following is the list the paper contained:
The supper, as one would expect at a vegetable party, consisted of vegetarian dishes only, but it was surprising to find how attractive and how palatable these were.
In planning for anniversaries there are many and unique ways in which they may be carried out. Everything that accompanies the anniversary being celebrated should be used. Always use a decided color and try to carry out the color scheme in the refreshments, the decorations, and the costumes. There are many suitable suggestions in the book from which to choose, in the way of both decoration and entertainment, besides the following.
First Anniversary—Cotton Wedding
The invitations for the cotton wedding may be written in ink on well-starched cotton cloth. Cut the pieces to fit regular-sized envelopes. You may request the guests to wear cotton costumes, if you wish, to add to the effect. Decorate the rooms with cheese-cloth of several colors gracefully festooned about the walls, and with the Southern cotton-balls if you can get them. The married couple may stand under a canopy made of wire covered with cotton wadding to represent snow, and wear cotton costumes, and the wife may carry a bouquet of cotton flowers. Artificial flowers made of cotton may be used, too, for decoration. Cover the refreshment table with cheese-cloth, and have place-cards written on prettily decorated pieces of starched muslin. You could have a Spider Hunt for an appropriate entertainment. For this, as you probably know, you provide balls of cotton twine, and wind the twine all over the house. The guests have to untangle their respective balls, and wind them up until they come to the end of the string, where a gift is discovered. The gifts should be pretty conceits made of cotton—shoe-bags or work bags of pretty cretonne for the women, and picture frames of cretonne for the men, etc.
Second Anniversary—Paper Wedding
The second year is celebrated as a paper wedding. There are many ways a house can be decorated with paper. Pretty colored paper shades can be made for all the gas jets (or lamp chimneys), flower-pots can be trimmed with fancy crepe paper, butterflies can be made from stiff colored paper, doilies can be designed from fancy paper, and paper napkins can be used in many ways. Whatever is used for refreshments paper napkins can be placed on each dish under the food; tumblers can be wrapped around with paper and tied with a dainty little ribbon. Plenty of paper flowers can be used for decoration. The tablecloth may be of paper, edged with paper lace, the centrepiece of paper roses, the candle-shades composed of their petals, while the ices may be served in boxes held in the hearts of paper roses. For entertainment, large mottoes containing paper caps may be distributed. These should be put on, and with their assumption a character impersonated by each wearer appropriate to the headgear. The guesses are recorded in paper booklets and the person most successful may receive a prize—a book or any paper trifle.
Fourth Anniversary—Leather Wedding
The fourth year is observed as a leather wedding. Invitations sent out for this anniversary can have a small piece of leather enclosed in envelope. A unique idea is to have a leather saddle hung in the centre of the room, with a leather whip and riding gloves. As souvenirs small pieces of leather with the date of the wedding, also the date of the anniversary, stamped or written upon them, and tied with white baby ribbon, may be distributed. Small leather calendars can be made, also heart-shaped leather pen-wipers with small paintings on them. Appropriate presents for the married couple would be leather purses, hand-bags, shoes, satchels, pocketbooks, lunch boxes, traveling cases, etc., and do not forget a leather smoking case for the host.
A burnt-leather box or basket filled with yellow flowers or growing ferns would not be ill-adapted for a centrepiece for the refreshment table, and leatherette receptacles, if made in sections tied together with ribbons matching the flowers, would be pretty for the bonbons, cakes and salted nuts.
The place-cards may be of leather with the names in heavy gilt lettering.
A game or contest is usually enjoyed, and the award of a trifling prize to the victor makes a pleasant climax to the evening's fun. In this case the article should, of course, be of leather.
Fifth Anniversary—Wooden Wedding
A description is given of an actual wooden wedding anniversary celebrated recently. The invitations were printed on paper that looked like wood. In fact it looked so much like it that it could hardly be told from wood. For decorations as much real wood was utilized as possible. In one large archway were hung twelve wooden plates, each with a painting on, and joined with white ribbon. Twelve young ladies served on the reception committee and the twelve plates were given them as souvenirs before they departed. In another archway there was a toothpick curtain which attracted much attention. This was made on silk cord with the toothpicks tied about two inches apart, crossways, with a small loop in the cord. They were draped back and tied with a bunch of silk cord. In the small doorways were clothes-pin curtains. A large wire bell, covered with shavings and goldenrod, hung from a canopy of the same, under which the bride and groom stood to receive their guests.
A large wooden flower-stand was placed in the reception hall and it was banked with goldenrod and cut flowers, with a large palm on top shelf. Several wooden bowls and baskets of goldenrod and cut flowers were scattered about the house. On the mantels, stands, table, sideboard, and piano, were large palms and goldenrod. All the chairs had been moved out of the house, except in the dining-room, where they were arranged around the wall. In the centre of the room was the polished table, with neat doilies, and for a centrepiece was a large yellow cake with the figure "5" in wood. This cake stood on a high cake-stand and around the edge of the stand were a row of clothes-pins, the kind with a spring, and a row of toothpicks sticking all around the edge of the cake. On two corners of the table were little wooden shoes filled with cut flowers, and on the two diagonally opposite corners were large apples stuck full of toothpicks. The guests were seated in the dining-room for refreshments and as soon as it was filled, the reception committee closed it with a large rope of goldenrod across the doorway. For refreshments ice cream and cake were served on wooden plates with wooden spoons. The ice cream was made to look like wood, the caterer using a mixture of vanilla, chocolate, bisque and lemon flavors. The different kinds of cake were also made to look like different kinds of wood, such as walnut, oak, cherry, and so forth. The souvenirs were large wooden butter moulds on which were printed the year of marriage and the year of celebration. An orchestra of eight pieces played all through the evening, under a canopy of white cloth on the porch, the porch being carpeted and curtained like a room.
Seventh Anniversary—Woolen Wedding
The woolen wedding comes with the seventh anniversary. The material is not effective, but the invitations may be worked in crewels on perforated Bristol-board.
The "cobweb party" might be revived, using colored yarns instead of cords, and placing a "fortune" as well as a favor at the end of each. Some unfortunate swain might, perhaps, find a huge worsted mitten, guided in his choice of yarn by one in the secret to insure its selection by a man.
On the refreshment table a large wedding-cake crowned by a "Bo-peep" doll with her flock of toy sheep would suggest the "woolly" idea.
Tenth Anniversary—Tin Wedding
These wedding invitations can be written or printed, and sent out ten days beforehand, either enclosing a piece of tin, or wrapped in tin foil.
The bride and groom should receive their guests, the bride carrying her bouquet in a tin funnel. The groom can wear a small tin horn in his buttonhole with a small bouquet. The author intends to celebrate her tin wedding this fall, and this is what she intends to have.
For refreshments, will serve coffee in tin cups, with tin spoons, and dainty sandwiches on tin plates; will pass water in a tin pail, using a tin dipper. All refreshments will be passed in tin pans, the waiters will use tin coffee pots to refill the coffee cups. For a centrepiece for the table, will use a large tin cake pan, with an opening in the centre, in which a small fish horn can be placed, the cake pan and fish horn both being filled with flowers. Shall decorate the rooms with tin as far as possible. In one archway shall use tin plates tied together with ribbon, a small hole being punched in the plates for the purpose. This will form a curtain for one archway. In another archway shall use tin cups for the same purpose. Tin candlesticks can be used, if one is fortunate enough to have them. Wire toasters tied with ribbon can be hung on the walls to hold photographs. Small tin spoons tied with ribbons can be given as souvenirs, being passed around by the waiters, in a tin dust pan.
Potted plants can be set in tin pails, and tin cans can be used for bouquets. A tin wash basin can be passed for a finger bowl. Tin foil can also be used with which to decorate.
Twelfth Anniversary—Linen Wedding
The invitations are written on squares of linen in indelible ink, and the name cards are also of linen. Linen is used freely about the rooms, linen lace working into decorative schemes most effectively. The flax flower is, of course, conspicuous whenever it can be obtained. The artificial flower may be used in many places, as well as the natural blossoms. The centrepiece, doilies, etc., used on the table should be embroidered with flax flowers in natural colors.
While the guests are at supper an old-fashioned spinning wheel should be brought into the parlors in readiness for a spinning contest, which may be conducted as described in the entertainment, "A Spinning Party."
Fifteenth Anniversary—Crystal Wedding
The invitations may be decorated with drawings of small hand-mirrors, tumblers, etc., and for the ornamentation of the house every conceivable kind of glass vessel and mirror may be used. In the table decorations cut or pressed glass should be prominent. In the centre of the table a small mirror might be placed, with a large glass bowl upon it filled with flowers. Red carnations with red candle-shades make a very effective color scheme for the crystal background. Little cakes with red icing, red bonbons, and red place cards may also be used. The refreshments should be served on glass dishes, the waiters using glass trays if possible. Tiny glass bottles each containing a red carnation and a sprig of smilax make very appropriate souvenirs. Should the bride desire an appropriate gown for the occasion, it may be trimmed with quantities of glass beads or the glass drops from a chandelier. Those who assist in receiving might also be similarly garbed.
Twentieth Anniversary—China Wedding
A good idea for a china wedding would be to have a course dinner and display all one's china. Use china wherever it can be used instead of silver, glass, or other dishes. Have plants and flowers displayed in china. A unique idea would be to give each guest a tiny china cup and saucer as a souvenir.
Any of the parlor entertainments or contests described in this volume may be used to pass the time pleasantly either before or after the dinner.
Twenty-Fifth Anniversary—Silver Wedding
The invitations to a silver wedding should be headed by the two eventful dates printed in silver.
For the decorations, use any flowers which may be in season, surrounding the mirrors and pictures as far as possible with a framework of green spangled with silver. Cover all the lamps and gas shades with white crepe paper flecked here and there with silver, and suspend balls covered with silver paper from the chandeliers.
Let the daughters in the family, and the granddaughters if there be any, wear gowns of simplest white, with draperies of silver tinsel. If there happen to be any grandchildren it would be well to have them distribute the favors, which may be bouquets of flowers tied with white ribbons.
The refreshments should be served shortly after the guests arrive. A suitable way to announce that supper is served will be to have the wedding march played, when the bride and groom of the evening may be requested to lead the way to the dining-room.
The supper-table should be lighted with white candles in silver candelabra, and the snowy tablecloth be crossed diagonally with white satin ribbon edged with silver. Upon a pretty centrepiece of silver-spangled tulle may be placed a silver or glass bowl containing twenty-five white roses. Dishes of white cakes and candies, and old-fashioned mottoes covered with silver paper may be scattered plentifully about the table. The large cake should be decorated in white and silver, and placed upon a silver dish in front of the bride of twenty-five years ago, who alone should be permitted to cut it.
There is no limit to the presents which may be sent in honor of a silver wedding, but no guest need be deterred from appearing because of her inability to send a present; her good wishes will please the host and hostess quite as well as an elaborate gift.
Pretty souvenirs of a silver wedding are bookmarks of white satin ribbon, upon each one of which is printed in silver the name of the guest and the dates of the anniversary he or she has been helping to celebrate.
Fiftieth Anniversary—Golden Wedding
Invitations to a golden wedding should be written or printed on golden hued cards. Let the bride wear a dress of golden hue, or, if she dislikes such bright colors, let her use plenty of yellow flowers in her hair and on her dress. The groom should also wear yellow flowers. Two armchairs decorated with straw might be used for the seats of honor. Have the home decorated with goldenrod if in season, if not, any yellow flower can be used; if the season for sunflowers, they are very pretty for decoration. Let those who help serve wear yellow dresses or plenty of yellow flowers. A large yellow cake could be used for a centrepiece, banked with yellow flowers; use brass candlesticks with yellow candles. Plenty of flowers or yellow paper should be used for the gas jets, lamp shades and picture frames. Refreshments might consist of yellow cake, lemonade, and yellow candy. Pretty souvenirs would be a yellow carnation for each guest.
Each guest was given a double card or booklet with pencil attached, the cover representing a miniature sheet of music. Upon one page was a list of numbered questions, the answers to be written upon the opposite page, suggested by selections from well-known operas and operettas played upon the piano or other instrument. The names of the operas from which the selections were taken answered the questions.
The following were the questions:
And the music gave answer, as follows:
The names of cities and their nicknames may also be used, thus: Boston, "The Hub"; Philadelphia, "The City of Homes"; Detroit, "City of the Straits"; Cincinnati, "Queen City of the West"; Chicago, "Windy City," or "Garden City"; Buffalo, "Queen City"; Cleveland, "Forest City"; Pittsburg, "Smoky City"; Washington, "City of Magnificent Distances"; Milwaukee, "Cream City"; New York, "Gotham"; Minneapolis, "Falls City"; St. Louis, "Mound City"; San Francisco, "Golden Gate"; New Orleans, "Crescent City."
Invitations should be similar to the following:
Yourself and friends are cordially invited to attend aWhite Ribbon Sociablegiven by the Y. W. C. T. U. at the home of thePresident, Miss Blank,Monday evening, September 10, 19—.
Yourself and friends are cordially invited to attend aWhite Ribbon Sociablegiven by the Y. W. C. T. U. at the home of thePresident, Miss Blank,Monday evening, September 10, 19—.
Have a small white ribbon bow tied on the corner of the card. Of course all members of the society should wear their white ribbons. All who serve on the reception committee should wear a large white ribbon rosette. Also have a white ribbon quartet for the musical part of the program, and have each one wear a large white ribbon bow on the left breast. Have plenty of white flowers for decoration, also use anything white that can be used in any way to help decorate. Have a large bowl or white dish in centre of dining-table with small white baby ribbons hanging over the edge, one for each guest you expect. Tie to the end of each ribbon a small slip of paper bearing instructions as to what each one is to do. Each guest is to pull out a slip, see what he is to do, and then proceed to do it at once. Cover the top of the dish neatly with white tissue paper. Wafers can be served tied with narrow white ribbon, also coffee or cocoa, or if in summer serve lemonade.
The following suggestions may be used for the slips of paper:
An Evening's Entertainment to be Given by Seven Maids and Seven Bachelors
(Copyright, 1899, by the Curtis Publishing Company and republished by courtesy of theLadies' Home Journal)
Although this entertainment is here planned to include fourteen people, the number of those who take part in it may, of course, be reduced to as few or increased to as many as desired, either by omitting one or more of the couples already provided for, or by including more couples and composing additional verses for them.
The characters appear seated in a semicircle, a young man first, then a young woman, and so on alternately, beginning at the right as one faces the audience. Each one is dressed in a fashion appropriate to the character represented. Starting with the first young man at the right, each advances in turn to the front and recites.
Number one says:
"Of all the girls that ever I knew,I never saw one that I thought would do.I wanted a wife that was nice and neat,That was up to date, and that had small feet;I wanted a wife that was loving and kind,And that hadn't too much original mind;I wanted a wife that could cook and sew,And that wasn't eternally on the go;I wanted a wife that just loved to keep house,And that wasn't too timid to milk the cows;I wanted a wife that was strikingly beautiful,Intelligent, rich, and exceedingly dutiful.That isn't so much to demand in a wife,But still she's not found, though I've looked all my life."
"Of all the girls that ever I knew,I never saw one that I thought would do.I wanted a wife that was nice and neat,That was up to date, and that had small feet;I wanted a wife that was loving and kind,And that hadn't too much original mind;I wanted a wife that could cook and sew,And that wasn't eternally on the go;I wanted a wife that just loved to keep house,And that wasn't too timid to milk the cows;I wanted a wife that was strikingly beautiful,Intelligent, rich, and exceedingly dutiful.That isn't so much to demand in a wife,But still she's not found, though I've looked all my life."
"Of all the girls that ever I knew,
I never saw one that I thought would do.
I wanted a wife that was nice and neat,
That was up to date, and that had small feet;
I wanted a wife that was loving and kind,
And that hadn't too much original mind;
I wanted a wife that could cook and sew,
And that wasn't eternally on the go;
I wanted a wife that just loved to keep house,
And that wasn't too timid to milk the cows;
I wanted a wife that was strikingly beautiful,
Intelligent, rich, and exceedingly dutiful.
That isn't so much to demand in a wife,
But still she's not found, though I've looked all my life."
Number two next recites:
"The only reason why I've never wedIs as clear as the day, and as easily said:Two lovers I had who'd have made me a bride,But the trouble was just that I couldn't decide;Whenever John came I was sure it was heThat I cared for most; but with Charlie by me,My hands clasped in his, and his eyes fixed on mine,'Twas as easy as could be to say, 'I'll be thine.'Now tell me what was a poor maiden to do,Who couldn't, to save her, make choice 'tween the two?I dillied and dallied, and couldn't decide,Till John, he got married, and Charlie, he died;And that is the reason why I've never wed;For how could I help it, as every one said,When John, he was married, and Charlie was dead."
"The only reason why I've never wedIs as clear as the day, and as easily said:Two lovers I had who'd have made me a bride,But the trouble was just that I couldn't decide;Whenever John came I was sure it was heThat I cared for most; but with Charlie by me,My hands clasped in his, and his eyes fixed on mine,'Twas as easy as could be to say, 'I'll be thine.'Now tell me what was a poor maiden to do,Who couldn't, to save her, make choice 'tween the two?I dillied and dallied, and couldn't decide,Till John, he got married, and Charlie, he died;And that is the reason why I've never wed;For how could I help it, as every one said,When John, he was married, and Charlie was dead."
"The only reason why I've never wed
Is as clear as the day, and as easily said:
Two lovers I had who'd have made me a bride,
But the trouble was just that I couldn't decide;
Whenever John came I was sure it was he
That I cared for most; but with Charlie by me,
My hands clasped in his, and his eyes fixed on mine,
'Twas as easy as could be to say, 'I'll be thine.'
Now tell me what was a poor maiden to do,
Who couldn't, to save her, make choice 'tween the two?
I dillied and dallied, and couldn't decide,
Till John, he got married, and Charlie, he died;
And that is the reason why I've never wed;
For how could I help it, as every one said,
When John, he was married, and Charlie was dead."
Number three now speaks:
"I have never proposed to any girl.Was I to be caught in the snare of a curl,And dangle through life in a dizzy whirl?"Humph! I know too much for that by half!I may look young, but I'm not a calf;You can't catch a bird like me with chaff."I know their tricks, I know their arts,I know how they scheme to capture hearts;I know they can play a dozen parts."How do I know so much, you ask?To reply to that isn't much of a task;For if you must know, O madams and misters,I'm the only brother of fourteen sisters."
"I have never proposed to any girl.Was I to be caught in the snare of a curl,And dangle through life in a dizzy whirl?"Humph! I know too much for that by half!I may look young, but I'm not a calf;You can't catch a bird like me with chaff."I know their tricks, I know their arts,I know how they scheme to capture hearts;I know they can play a dozen parts."How do I know so much, you ask?To reply to that isn't much of a task;For if you must know, O madams and misters,I'm the only brother of fourteen sisters."
"I have never proposed to any girl.Was I to be caught in the snare of a curl,And dangle through life in a dizzy whirl?
"I have never proposed to any girl.
Was I to be caught in the snare of a curl,
And dangle through life in a dizzy whirl?
"Humph! I know too much for that by half!I may look young, but I'm not a calf;You can't catch a bird like me with chaff.
"Humph! I know too much for that by half!
I may look young, but I'm not a calf;
You can't catch a bird like me with chaff.
"I know their tricks, I know their arts,I know how they scheme to capture hearts;I know they can play a dozen parts.
"I know their tricks, I know their arts,
I know how they scheme to capture hearts;
I know they can play a dozen parts.
"How do I know so much, you ask?To reply to that isn't much of a task;For if you must know, O madams and misters,I'm the only brother of fourteen sisters."
"How do I know so much, you ask?
To reply to that isn't much of a task;
For if you must know, O madams and misters,
I'm the only brother of fourteen sisters."
Number four advances and says:
"My lovers came from near and far,And sued before my feet;They told me I was like a star;They said that I was sweet;And each one swore if I'd acceptHis heart and eke his hand,That he would be the happiest manThroughout the whole broad land.But one proud youth remained aloof,And stood untouched, unmoved;Oh, bitter fate! he was the one,The only one I loved!I tried on him each winning charm,I put forth every art,But all in vain; he turned away,And took with him my heart.This is the reason I am leftAlone upon the tree,Like withered fruit, though not a pear;Oh, would that I might be!"
"My lovers came from near and far,And sued before my feet;They told me I was like a star;They said that I was sweet;And each one swore if I'd acceptHis heart and eke his hand,That he would be the happiest manThroughout the whole broad land.But one proud youth remained aloof,And stood untouched, unmoved;Oh, bitter fate! he was the one,The only one I loved!I tried on him each winning charm,I put forth every art,But all in vain; he turned away,And took with him my heart.This is the reason I am leftAlone upon the tree,Like withered fruit, though not a pear;Oh, would that I might be!"
"My lovers came from near and far,
And sued before my feet;
They told me I was like a star;
They said that I was sweet;
And each one swore if I'd accept
His heart and eke his hand,
That he would be the happiest man
Throughout the whole broad land.
But one proud youth remained aloof,
And stood untouched, unmoved;
Oh, bitter fate! he was the one,
The only one I loved!
I tried on him each winning charm,
I put forth every art,
But all in vain; he turned away,
And took with him my heart.
This is the reason I am left
Alone upon the tree,
Like withered fruit, though not a pear;
Oh, would that I might be!"
Number five recites these lines:
"The only reason why I've never marriedIs because all my plans for proposing miscarried;I wouldn't propose till all was propitious,Till I felt pretty sure that the signs were auspicious.More than once I've been moved to propound the fond query,'Won't you tell me you love me, my beautiful dearie?'When just at that moment came something or other,A ring at the bell, or a call from her mother,Or the sudden approach of her infantile brother,My words to arrest, my intentions to smother;And once, when a few leading questions I'd asked,She laughed as if jokes in my questions were masked;I couldn't conceive what had caused her commotion,But 'twas so disconcerting I gave up the notion;Although I felt certain as certain could be,That whatever she laughed at, it was not at me."
"The only reason why I've never marriedIs because all my plans for proposing miscarried;I wouldn't propose till all was propitious,Till I felt pretty sure that the signs were auspicious.More than once I've been moved to propound the fond query,'Won't you tell me you love me, my beautiful dearie?'When just at that moment came something or other,A ring at the bell, or a call from her mother,Or the sudden approach of her infantile brother,My words to arrest, my intentions to smother;And once, when a few leading questions I'd asked,She laughed as if jokes in my questions were masked;I couldn't conceive what had caused her commotion,But 'twas so disconcerting I gave up the notion;Although I felt certain as certain could be,That whatever she laughed at, it was not at me."
"The only reason why I've never married
Is because all my plans for proposing miscarried;
I wouldn't propose till all was propitious,
Till I felt pretty sure that the signs were auspicious.
More than once I've been moved to propound the fond query,
'Won't you tell me you love me, my beautiful dearie?'
When just at that moment came something or other,
A ring at the bell, or a call from her mother,
Or the sudden approach of her infantile brother,
My words to arrest, my intentions to smother;
And once, when a few leading questions I'd asked,
She laughed as if jokes in my questions were masked;
I couldn't conceive what had caused her commotion,
But 'twas so disconcerting I gave up the notion;
Although I felt certain as certain could be,
That whatever she laughed at, it was not at me."
Number six then says:
"From my earliest yearsI've had an intuitionThat I was intendedTo carry out a mission.Whatever it might beI hadn't the least notion,But I searched for it faithfullyFrom ocean to ocean.For a while I kept thinkingThat I was surely meantTo preach to the heathen,But I never was sent.Then the surging thoughts and feelingsThat upon me seemed to pressSurely proved beyond all questionThat I was a poetess;But the editors were cruel,They were stonily unkind;And their inappreciationDrove the notion from my mind.Now I'm sure that I'm a speaker;'Tis my latest great impression;And I'd like to prove it to you,If I might without digression;But whatever is my mission,I've been certain all my life,That 'tis something higher, nobler,Than to be a slaving wife."
"From my earliest yearsI've had an intuitionThat I was intendedTo carry out a mission.Whatever it might beI hadn't the least notion,But I searched for it faithfullyFrom ocean to ocean.For a while I kept thinkingThat I was surely meantTo preach to the heathen,But I never was sent.Then the surging thoughts and feelingsThat upon me seemed to pressSurely proved beyond all questionThat I was a poetess;But the editors were cruel,They were stonily unkind;And their inappreciationDrove the notion from my mind.Now I'm sure that I'm a speaker;'Tis my latest great impression;And I'd like to prove it to you,If I might without digression;But whatever is my mission,I've been certain all my life,That 'tis something higher, nobler,Than to be a slaving wife."
"From my earliest years
I've had an intuition
That I was intended
To carry out a mission.
Whatever it might be
I hadn't the least notion,
But I searched for it faithfully
From ocean to ocean.
For a while I kept thinking
That I was surely meant
To preach to the heathen,
But I never was sent.
Then the surging thoughts and feelings
That upon me seemed to press
Surely proved beyond all question
That I was a poetess;
But the editors were cruel,
They were stonily unkind;
And their inappreciation
Drove the notion from my mind.
Now I'm sure that I'm a speaker;
'Tis my latest great impression;
And I'd like to prove it to you,
If I might without digression;
But whatever is my mission,
I've been certain all my life,
That 'tis something higher, nobler,
Than to be a slaving wife."
Number seven speaks thus:
"I used to call on Mary JaneWhen I was seventeen;And Mary Jane was fond of me,Though I was rather green.One day I told her why I came,And what was my intent;And then she said that I must goAnd get her pa's consent.Her pa, he was a mason rude,Well used to handling bricks,And when I came to talk with himMy courage went to sticks.'K-kind sir, may I have M-Mary Jane?'I asked with gasp and stutter;Then came an earthquake, then a blank—I went home on a shutter.I never married Mary Jane,The maid whom I'd selected;The reason was because her pa—Well, so to speak—objected."
"I used to call on Mary JaneWhen I was seventeen;And Mary Jane was fond of me,Though I was rather green.One day I told her why I came,And what was my intent;And then she said that I must goAnd get her pa's consent.Her pa, he was a mason rude,Well used to handling bricks,And when I came to talk with himMy courage went to sticks.'K-kind sir, may I have M-Mary Jane?'I asked with gasp and stutter;Then came an earthquake, then a blank—I went home on a shutter.I never married Mary Jane,The maid whom I'd selected;The reason was because her pa—Well, so to speak—objected."
"I used to call on Mary Jane
When I was seventeen;
And Mary Jane was fond of me,
Though I was rather green.
One day I told her why I came,
And what was my intent;
And then she said that I must go
And get her pa's consent.
Her pa, he was a mason rude,
Well used to handling bricks,
And when I came to talk with him
My courage went to sticks.
'K-kind sir, may I have M-Mary Jane?'
I asked with gasp and stutter;
Then came an earthquake, then a blank—
I went home on a shutter.
I never married Mary Jane,
The maid whom I'd selected;
The reason was because her pa—
Well, so to speak—objected."
Number eight next advances:
"I fully intended a bride to be,But Richard and I could never agree;He fussed at me daily in fault-finding mood,And I picked at him though I knew it was rude;He thought that a woman ought always to doJust what her husband wanted her to,And I was as set and decided as he,That that way of life would never suit me;And so we kept wrangling all summer and fall,And at last we agreed not to marry at all;And that is the reason you now find me here,Feeling cheap, I admit, and I once was so dear."
"I fully intended a bride to be,But Richard and I could never agree;He fussed at me daily in fault-finding mood,And I picked at him though I knew it was rude;He thought that a woman ought always to doJust what her husband wanted her to,And I was as set and decided as he,That that way of life would never suit me;And so we kept wrangling all summer and fall,And at last we agreed not to marry at all;And that is the reason you now find me here,Feeling cheap, I admit, and I once was so dear."
"I fully intended a bride to be,
But Richard and I could never agree;
He fussed at me daily in fault-finding mood,
And I picked at him though I knew it was rude;
He thought that a woman ought always to do
Just what her husband wanted her to,
And I was as set and decided as he,
That that way of life would never suit me;
And so we kept wrangling all summer and fall,
And at last we agreed not to marry at all;
And that is the reason you now find me here,
Feeling cheap, I admit, and I once was so dear."
Number nine speaks as follows:
"Could I give up all the pleasuresThat a single man may claim?Could I see my bachelor treasuresSniffed at by a scornful dame?Could I have my choice HavanasBandied all about the place,Strewn around like cheap bananas,Looked upon as a disgrace?Could I bear to find a hairpinSticking in my shaving-mug?Or a pair of high-heeled slippersLying on my Persian rug?Would I want my meditationsBroken up by cries of frightAt a mouse or daddy-long-legs,Or some other fearful sight?No, I couldn't, and I wouldn't,And I didn't, as you see;Of every life, the bachelor's lifeIs just the life for me."
"Could I give up all the pleasuresThat a single man may claim?Could I see my bachelor treasuresSniffed at by a scornful dame?Could I have my choice HavanasBandied all about the place,Strewn around like cheap bananas,Looked upon as a disgrace?Could I bear to find a hairpinSticking in my shaving-mug?Or a pair of high-heeled slippersLying on my Persian rug?Would I want my meditationsBroken up by cries of frightAt a mouse or daddy-long-legs,Or some other fearful sight?No, I couldn't, and I wouldn't,And I didn't, as you see;Of every life, the bachelor's lifeIs just the life for me."
"Could I give up all the pleasures
That a single man may claim?
Could I see my bachelor treasures
Sniffed at by a scornful dame?
Could I have my choice Havanas
Bandied all about the place,
Strewn around like cheap bananas,
Looked upon as a disgrace?
Could I bear to find a hairpin
Sticking in my shaving-mug?
Or a pair of high-heeled slippers
Lying on my Persian rug?
Would I want my meditations
Broken up by cries of fright
At a mouse or daddy-long-legs,
Or some other fearful sight?
No, I couldn't, and I wouldn't,
And I didn't, as you see;
Of every life, the bachelor's life
Is just the life for me."
Number ten says:
"My lovers were plentyAs plenty could be;But of the whole numberNot one suited me;John was too fat,Joe was too thin,And George, who'd have done,Was without any 'tin';Dick was a sinner,And James was a saint,Who, whenever I shocked him,Looked ready to faint;Charles was quite handsome,The likeliest yet,But he always was smokingA vile cigarette;That I'm very particular'Tis easy to see,Which all should rememberWho come to court me."
"My lovers were plentyAs plenty could be;But of the whole numberNot one suited me;John was too fat,Joe was too thin,And George, who'd have done,Was without any 'tin';Dick was a sinner,And James was a saint,Who, whenever I shocked him,Looked ready to faint;Charles was quite handsome,The likeliest yet,But he always was smokingA vile cigarette;That I'm very particular'Tis easy to see,Which all should rememberWho come to court me."
"My lovers were plenty
As plenty could be;
But of the whole number
Not one suited me;
John was too fat,
Joe was too thin,
And George, who'd have done,
Was without any 'tin';
Dick was a sinner,
And James was a saint,
Who, whenever I shocked him,
Looked ready to faint;
Charles was quite handsome,
The likeliest yet,
But he always was smoking
A vile cigarette;
That I'm very particular
'Tis easy to see,
Which all should remember
Who come to court me."
Number eleven now advances: