ACT II.

[Glancing atRenie.

Matt.I am. [Linking his arm inLucas's.] We'll get into an unvarying routine of exercise for the next hour. Come along!

[TakesLucasoff as he is exchanging a look withRenie.Reniemakes to follow them, stops at door, turns back a little, stops, takes outLucas'sletter from her French novel, goes to fire and reads it. Meanwhile the following scene takes place betweenDollyandHarry.

Harry.[ToDolly.] Now, Dolly, we can go through your bills.

[Going to her writing-desk.

Dolly.Yes. Hadn't I better sort them out first?

Harry.[Taking up bills.] Oh, I'll help you sort them out——

Dolly.Take care! You'll muddle all my papers. [Taking bills out of his hands, and closing down the writing-desk.] I want to have a little talk with Renie—you'd better join them at the fish-pond.

Harry.Well, so long as you do get them sorted, and squared up. What about after tea?

Dolly.All right. After tea.

Harry.After tea. We'll have a nice cosy half-hour, all to ourselves, and sweep them all out of our minds.

[With a gesture.

Dolly.[Nods cheerfully.] Yes, a nice cosy half-hour and sweep them all out of our minds. [With his gesture. ExitHarrybriskly. She repeats his gesture.]Sweep them all out of our minds. [Opening desk and regarding bills with dismay.] Oh, don't I wish I could! Oh, Renie!

[Renieis busy with her letter at the fire.

Renie.[Puts letter into pocket.] What is it?

Dolly.[Has taken up one or two bills.] These bills! These awful bills! These vampires!

Renie.Yes, dear! I suppose it's rather dreadful, but it must be sweet to have a dear, kind husband who'll pay them all off.

Dolly.Harry? He made a dreadful fuss last time. And then I didn't show him all.

Renie.Well, dear, after all, it's only bills——

Dolly.Only bills! Only? Well, I'm going to show him every one this time. And what a lesson it shall be to me! That's why I'm so grateful to Mr. Pilcher.

Renie.Why?

Dolly.Yesterday afternoon I thought I'd screw up my courage to go through the bills just to see where I was. My dear, I was paralysed! I had the most appalling time! Well, Mr. Pilcher's sermon came just in the nick of time. I thought "what an idiot I must be to endure all this misery just for want of a little resolution."

Renie.Mr. Pilcher's sermon came just in the nick of time for me too.

Dolly.Did it?

Renie.I had an awful afternoon yesterday!

Dolly.You?! You haven't any bills?

Renie.No! [Sighs.] I almost wish I had.

Dolly.Wish you had?!

Renie.I almost envy you the delicious experience of having to confess——

Dolly.Yes dear, you always were fond of scenes, but I'm not!

Renie.And then the heavenly feeling of being forgiven, and taken in the arms of the man you love!

Dolly.Yes, that part of it is all right. It's what comes before——

[With a little shudder.

Renie.After all, your husband isn't a machine. He is a human being!

Dolly.Oh, Harry's a perfect dear in most things, but he has got a temper!

Renie.My husband never even swears at me! Oh, Dolly, you are lucky!

Dolly.Hum!

Renie.Oh, Dolly—— [Sighs and goes away.

Dolly.Is anything the matter?

Renie.No dear. Nothing, except—oh, life is so hard! so hard!

Dolly.Renie, if you're in trouble——

Renie.Thank you, dear. I knew you'd help me.

Dolly.Yes, so long as it isn't money. And even then I'd help you, only I can't.

Renie.It isn't money.

Dolly.Then what is it?

Renie.[Looking atDollycuriously.] I wonder if you would understand.

Dolly.I'll do my best.

Renie.It's such a strange story. [Moving away,Dollymakes a little dubious grimace behind her back.Reniesuddenly comes up toDollyvery effusively.] Dolly, I will trust you. You know I thoroughly admire and honour my husband.

Dolly.[A little startled.] Ye-es.

Renie.You know that nothing could ever induce me to wrong him for a moment?

Dolly.No——

Renie.Nothing could be further from my thoughts.

Dolly.No—but is there anybody—Renie, who is it?

Renie.Give me your sacred promise you'll never breathe a word to any living soul?

Dolly.Not a word—who is it?

Renie.Not even to your husband?

Dolly.Not even to my husband.

Renie.Nor to him?

Dolly.Him? No, of course not. Who is it?

Renie.Well, dear, you know what my life has been. Few women have met with so little real sympathy as I. Few women have suffered——

Dolly.No, dear. Who is it? Do I know him?

Renie.Your cousin Lucas has a deep and sincere admiration for me.

Dolly.Lu!? Lu!? Of course! I might have known he'd never ride a dozen miles in the snow for a sermon! It's disgraceful of him!

Renie.No, dear, he's not to blame. We are neither of us to blame.

Dolly.[Contemptuously.] Oh! Why you haven't known him a month, have you?

Renie.I met him for the first time in this room three weeks ago last Thursday afternoon.

Dolly.It's a great pity the Professor didn't come down with you.

Renie.That would have made no difference. It had to be!

Dolly.What had to be? Renie, how far has this gone? You've been meeting him alone——

Renie.Once or twice.

Dolly.You've slipped away every afternoon this week.

Renie.However often I may have met him, he has offered me nothing but the most chivalrous attention. He has always respected me——

Dolly.Well then, he mustn't respect you any more. It must be stopped.

Renie.Dolly, I didn't expect you to take up this attitude.

Dolly.You don't suppose I'm going to have this sort of thing in my own house, do you?

Renie.What sort of thing?

Dolly.Do you remember the awful row I got into at school when your boy's love letter was discovered in the Banbury cakes you'd persuaded me to take in for you?

Renie.But you received Banbury cakes of your own!

Dolly.Not since I've been married. Of course before your marriage your outrageous flirting didn't much matter——

Renie.Outrageous flirting?—If I seemed to flirt——

Dolly.Seemed?!

Renie.It was only in the vain hope of meeting with one who could offer me the perfect homage that I have always felt would one day be mine.

Dolly.Well, he mustn't offer it here! I shall tell him so very plainly. He'd better not stay to dinner.

Renie.There is no reason Captain Wentworth should not stay to dinner. He has given me the one absolutely blameless unselfish devotion of his life. I've accepted it on that distinct understanding. I've trusted you with my secret, a secret honourable alike to Captain Wentworth and myself. You've promised not to breathe a word to any living soul. You surely don't mean to break your word?

Dolly.I don't mean to stand the racket of your Banbury cakes.

Renie.I didn't expect you to be so unsympathetic. You promised to help me!

Dolly.Help you! How did you expect me to help you?

Renie.My husband has to go to Edinburgh next week to give a course of lectures there.

Dolly.Well?

Renie.He wants me to go with him. Dearest, it would be perfectly sweet of you to ask me to stay on another fortnight here.

Dolly.[Makes a little movement of indignant surprise.] I see!

Renie.There could be no possible harm in it now that you know our attachment is quite innocent and that you can look after me every moment. Dearest, you might oblige me in a tiny little matter like this.

Dolly.[After a pause.] I'll think it over——

Renie.Thank you so much.

Dolly.Renie, you said Mr. Pilcher's sermon came just in the nick of time——

Renie.So it did.

Dolly.You don't call this the "nick of time"?!

Renie.Yes, indeed. I went to church in a perfect fever. I didn't know what to do. Well, as I listened to Mr. Pilcher everything became quite clear to me. I resolved I would accept Captain Wentworth's pure unselfish devotion and make it a lever to raise all my ideals and aspirations!

Dolly.But there wasn't anything in Mr. Pilcher's sermon about——

Renie.Oh yes, there was a lot about ideals and aspirations.

Dolly.Yes, but not the sort of aspirations you have for Lucas. I suppose you know he makes love to every woman he comes across?

Renie.He told me he had been led into one or two unworthy attachments.

Dolly.Yes! That's quite right. So he has! One or two!

Renie.That was before he met me.

Dolly.Yes, and this will be before he meets the next lady.

Renie.[Looks atDollyseverely.] My dear Dolly, with your light frivolous nature it is impossible for you to understand a pure and exalted attachment like ours. Listen! [Taking out a letter.] This will show you his fine nature, his fine feelings—"From the first moment I saw you——"

Mattenters.

Renie.[Putting letter in pocket.] Well, have you had apleasantwalk?

Matt.Very pleasant—and instructive. The Professor asked me to remind you that he's waiting for you at the fish-pond.

Renie.I'd better go. I shall get a little lecture all to myself if I don't. [Going off, toDolly.] Thank you, dear, so much for your kind invitation to stay on!

Dolly.Don't mention it!

Renie.I shall try to manage it. [Exit.

Dolly.Yes, I'm sure you will.

Matt.Mrs. Sturgess going to stay on?

Dolly.She wants me to invite her. But I won't if I can help it. [Goes to him suddenly.] Dad!

Matt.Well?

Dolly.That wretched Lucas!

Matt.What about him?

Dolly.No, I've promised her not to breathe a word. So you must guess. [Pause.] Have you guessed?

Matt.[After a pause.] Yes. Well, I—[Begins to chuckle.] So Lucas is up to his old games!

Dolly.My own guest! Under my own roof! It's too horrid of him.

Matt.[Chuckling.] It is! It's too bad! The rascal.

Dolly.Oh, it's more than half her fault! It's just like her!

[Mattsuddenly bursts from a chuckle into a roar.

Dolly.What are you laughing at?

Matt.I've just left—— [Chuckling.] I've just left the Professor down at the fish-pond explaining to Lucas all about his gray matter, and—— [Roars.

Dolly.I don't see anything to laugh at.

Matt.Twelve miles in the snow—— I say, Doll, we're making a splendid start for the New Year! [Laughing.

Dolly.Dad! Will you please leave off? [Shaking his shoulder.] Will you be serious?

Matt.Yes, my dear!! [Pulling himself together and straightening his features.] Yes, I will. After all, it's a serious matter.

Dolly.It's very serious for me, in a neighbourhood like this!

Matt.It's serious for me, as I was Lucas's guardian. And it's serious for him. If he goes and plays the fool, it may spoil his career—the young ass!

Dolly.Very well, then, will you please treat it seriously and set to work and help me?

Matt.How far have matters gone?

Dolly.Oh, there's no real harm done at present.

Matt.How do you know?

Dolly.Oh, Lucas is writing her silly letters and she's talking about his pure and exalted devotion, and making it a lever to raise all her ideals and aspirations.

Matt.[Shakes his head.] That looks bad! That looks very dangerous for her.

Dolly.Oh, no; she knows how to take care of herself. But it's dangerous for me!

Matt.How, dangerous for you?!

Dolly.If there's the least bit of scandal she'll contrive to drag me into it! I know her so well.

Matt.[Walking about, cogitating.] Yes, and we mustn't let Lucas make a mess of it.

Dolly.What can we do?

Matt.When I was over at Aldershot last week Sir John said something about giving Lucas an A. D. C. in India. I'll drive over to-morrow and ask Sir John to pack Lucas out of the country for a year or two!

Dolly.That's a good idea. But it may take some time?

Matt.A week or so, perhaps more.

Dolly.But if they find out they're going to be parted, it is just this next week when there will be all the danger.

Matt.That's true.

Dolly.They ought to be parted to-night.

Matt.They ought! They ought! Not a doubt about it! Not a shadow of doubt! They ought to be parted to-night!

Dolly.Dad! I believe I can frighten Renie out of it.

Matt.Frighten her?

Dolly.I'll try! And you must take Lucas in hand——

Matt.H'm! Isn't Harry the right person——?

Dolly.No, I sha'n't tell Harry. Harry would only get into a temper and muddle it. No, you must get Lucas to take himself off.

Matt.Take himself off!

Dolly.I won't have him here. You can tell him so. Be very severe with him.

Matt.[Dubious.] H'm!

Dolly.Take a very high tone.

Matt.I'm not sure that taking a high tone is quite in my line.

Dolly.Then please try it. Dad, you do realize how very serious this is, don't you?

Matt.Yes, of course. Very well, I'll tackle Lucas. We'll see what a high tone will do with him. Heigho! Sad! Sad!! Sad!!!—Sad! Sad!! Sad!!!

Dolly.Hush!

LucasandHarryenter.Lucaslooks round forRenie.DollyandMatttalk in whispers as if settling a plan.Harrygoes up to the collecting-box, takes out his knife and begins to scrape off the label.

Dolly.[In a very severe tone toLucas,who is peeping into conservatory.] Are you looking for anything?

Lucas.I was wondering whether there was any tea going.

Dolly.[Same severe tone.] The tea is not in the conservatory.

Lucas.No, but I thought it might be getting on to thetime——

Dolly.[Same tone.] The tea will be served in due course.

Lucas.[Surprised at her tone.] Is anything the matter?

[Dollylooks at him severely, says nothing, turns toMatt.Lucaslooks puzzled, goes away, and again looks furtively into conservatory forRenie.

Harry.[Scraping away at the collecting-box.] Don't forget, Doll—our cosy half hour after tea——

[Nodding at the writing-desk.

Dolly.I won't forget.

Matt.[Has come up behindHarry,touches the arm he is scraping with.] Hospital for Incurables! I shouldn't scrape that off at present.

CURTAIN.

(Four or five hours pass between Acts I and II.)

Scene:The same, on the same evening, after dinner. The sofa is now brought down below the fireplace, and fronts the audience a little diagonally, its right end being farthest up stage. The small table with the hospital box, and the easy chair are above the sofa, a little to the right of it.

EnterRenie,much distressed and agitated.Dollyfollows quickly, closes the door cautiously and mysteriously.

Renie.But I don't understand. Captain Wentworth and I have been so little together——

Dolly.Well, my dear, there it is! My father is the last man to pry into other people's affairs, but you see it has been forced upon his notice. And from the tone he took——

Renie.What tone?

Dolly.He was very severe.

Renie.[Alarmed.] But what did he say he had seen?

Dolly.He wouldn't go into particulars. He seemed very much upset——

Renie.Upset?!

Dolly.Perhaps I ought to say shocked.

Renie.Shocked?!

Dolly.And when my father is shocked it must be something very glaring——

Renie.[More and more alarmed.] But there hasn't been anything glaring——

Dolly.Well, dear, of course, you know.

Renie.But I cannot imagine—— [Suddenly.] It must have been that day at the stile!

Dolly.Perhaps. What happened? No, I don't wish to hear——

Renie.Captain Wentworth assisted me over the stile——

Dolly.Well?——

Renie.That's all. He may have taken a little longer about it than was quite necessary, and I may have leaned a little heavier than the circumstances required. But it was all done in perfectly good taste.

Dolly.[Shakes her head.] It can't have been the stile.

Renie.Then what——? [Cudgels her brains.] The dairy!

Dolly.Very likely. Was that very—no, don't tell me——

Renie.There's nothing to tell. The woman at the farm, Mrs.——

Dolly.Biggs——

Renie.Biggs, asked me to go over her model dairy.

Dolly.Did she ask Lucas?

Renie.He came. Mrs. Biggs insisted on our tasting her mince pies——

Dolly.Mince pies—? Yes?

Renie.While she went to get one——

Dolly.Get one——

Renie.She wasn't out of the dairy ten seconds——

Dolly.No—and then?

Renie.Captain Wentworth—— a——

Dolly.Respected you!

Renie.[Firing up.] He is always most respectful! In the most delicate, exquisitely chivalrous way, he implored me for one first and only kiss, and just as I was refusing him, somebody passed the dairy windows——

Dolly.My father often strolls that way——

Renie.But I was quite cold and correct—— [Very anxiously.] Dolly, tell me exactly what Mr. Barron said?

Dolly.At first he was going to speak to you himself, but I said, "No, that's my duty! I'm her oldest friend; I'll talk to her!"

Renie.Ye—es?

Dolly.So, at last he consented, and said: "Very well. Be very firm with her, because this sort of thing taking place under my very nose and under my daughter's roof is what I cannot, and will not, tolerate for one moment!"

Renie.He must have passed the dairy windows!

Dolly.Yes.

Renie.And jumped to a wrong conclusion.

Dolly.Yes. And that isn't the worst——

Renie.[Freshly alarmed.] Not the worst?!

Dolly.Now, don't be alarmed, dear——

Renie.About what?

Dolly.Didn't you notice something strange in your husband's manner at dinner?

Renie.No. What makes you think——?

Dolly.My dear, if my father noticed it, why not your husband? Suppose all this time the Professor has been quietly, stealthily watching you and Lucas.

Renie.[Alarmed.] Dolly!

Dolly.And waiting his time——

Renie.Oh, Dolly!

Dolly.Didn't you notice how he insisted on your going to the fish-pond?

Renie.Yes, he did!

Dolly.Didn't it strike you there was something in that?

Renie.No, and he hasn't said anything——

Dolly.Of course not. Naturally he would hide his suspicions from you till the right moment.

Renie.Right moment?

Dolly.Now, dear, you see how serious things are. You mustn't run any more risks. This must be broken off to-night.

Renie.To-night?!

Dolly.Now, what can I do to help you?

Renie.You might tell Mr. Barron there was nothing in the dairy windows.

Dolly.Of course I'll tell him, but if he saw——

Renie.But there was nothing. Absolutely nothing——

Dolly.No, dear. What else can I do?

Renie.Could you find out exactly how much he has seen and heard, and—a—pump him a little?

Dolly.I don't like pumping people—still—What else?

Renie.[Breaking down.] Oh, Dolly, this blow could not have fallen at a more cruel moment.

Dolly.No, dear.

Renie.It came just when I had lost all the illusions of girlhood, when all my woman's nature began to cry out——

Dolly.Yes—[Suddenly.] Hark! [Listens.] Hush!

[Creeps up to door, listens, opens it, looks out, closes it again.

Renie.What was it?

Dolly.Hush! Voices! I thought it might be Lucas and the Professor quarrelling.

Renie.I really don't think my husband suspects——

Dolly.No, I daresay it's only my imagination.

Renie.And if he did—Dolly, is there one man living, except my husband, who would condemn me for being the object of a noble, single-hearted devotion like Captain Wentworth's?

Dolly.No, dear, perhaps not. But, you see, ashusbands they take quite a different view of things from what they do merely as men.

Renie.Tell me candidly, Dolly, you see nothing wrong in it, do you?

Dolly.Well, dear, when you say wrong——

Renie.But I assure you there isn't—nothing could be further from my thoughts.

Dolly.No, dear—still, people are so full of prejudice—now what can I do?

Renie.[ClaspingDolly'shand warmly.] Oh, Dolly, you can help me so much.

Dolly.[A little alarmed.] Can I? Tell me——

Renie.If Lucas and I are parted—— [Breaks down.] I can't bear it! I can't bear it!

Dolly.Try, dear! Try!

Renie.[Sobbing.] I will. And if at any time I long to hear how he bears our separation, you won't mind receiving a letter, and sending it on to me?

Dolly.I'm afraid I couldn't do that, dear. You see, I'm so careless, and if I left the letter about, and Harry found it—no, dear——

Renie.You won't help me?

Dolly.Yes, dear, I'll do anything in my power! [Suddenly.] I'll tell you what I can do!

Renie.Yes?

Dolly.My father is telling Lucas he must leave to-night. Well, I can spare you all the pain and misery of saying "Good-bye," and take one last message to him.

Renie.[Curtly.] No, thank you. It's most unkind of you to send him away like this. I must see him alone before he goes.

Dolly.[Shakes her head.] My father insists, and suppose Lucas feels that he owes it to your reputation to go quietly——

Renie.Without seeing me?!

Dolly.And suppose the Professor is really watching you——

[Renieshows great perplexity.Dollyis watching her.

Dolly.If you don't see Lucas, what message shall I take him?

Renie.Tell him how proud I am of his noble, unselfish devotion; tell him I shall always look upon it as the one supreme happiness of my life to have known him——

TheProfessorandMatthewenter. TheProfessorhas diagrams and illustrations in his hand. Following theProfessorandMattareHarryandLucas. Lucas,after a little time, comes up toDollyandRenie,who are seated on sofa. TheProfessoris speaking toMattas he enters, and is showing him an illustration.

Prof.[In his hard, metallic voice.] Observe that woman's facial angle—[pointing] the peculiar curve of the lip, and the irregular formation of the nose.

[Describing a little upward curve on the paper with his thumb.

Matt.I have seen sweeter things in ladies' lips and noses.

[Describing the same little upward curve with his thumb on the paper.

Prof.Can you be surprised at her history?

Matt.Who was she?

Prof.Jane Sweetman, the notorious trigamist. Looking at that woman's cranium I maintain it was impossible for her to avoid——

Matt.Committing trigamy?

Prof.Well, some species of grave moral delinquency.

[DollyclutchesRenie'swrist significantly. TheProfessorhands the illustration toHarry,who examines it.Mattmoves away a step and unobtrusively feels his own nose and forehead.

Harry.[Has examined the illustration.] By Jove, yes—anybody can see she was bound to come a moral cropper, eh?

[He hands the illustration toDolly,who passes it toRenie,with a very significant glance, pointing out something on the paper.Lucasleans over the back of the sofa betweenRenieandDollyto look at the illustration. As he leans on the back of the sofa,Dollydraws herself up very indignantly, gives him a severe look; moves a little away from him, sits and looks very severely in front of her. He cannot understand her attitude, draws back a little and looks puzzled.

Prof.[Bringing out another illustration, offering it toMatt.] Now look at this.

Matt.[Taking illustration.] Somebody's brains!

Prof.Tell me if you notice anything peculiar.

[Harryleans overMatt'sshoulder, and looks at the illustration.Lucasagain leans over the sofa, betweenDollyandRenie. Dollyagain moves a little further away from him with another indignant look.Lucasis again puzzled, but bends and looks over the illustration inRenie'shands.

Lucas.So that's Jane Sweetman! Well, if Janewas bound to come a moral cropper, I'm very glad I wasn't bound to come a moral cropper with Jane, eh, Dolly? [Very pleasantly.

Dolly.[Very severely.] I should scarcely have thought you troubled whom you came a moral cropper with!

[Looks at him severely, goes up to writing-desk, seats herself and writes letter. He feels himself snubbed, and moves a step or two back, stands and looks puzzled.Professorhas been critically regardingMattandHarry,who have been looking at the illustration.

Prof.Well, does anything strike you?

Matt.No. [Holding it out.] Looks rather pulpy—rather—a—squashy——

Prof.Exactly! Observe the soft, almost watery condition of that gray matter. What is the inevitable consequence?

Matt.I couldn't quite say—whom did that gray matter belong to?

Prof.Harriet Poy.

Matt.I don't remember Harriet——

Prof.The Pyromaniac. At the age of four set fire to her mother's bed. At twelve was found saturating blankets with petroleum; at sixteen fired three hayricks, for which she was sentenced to six months' imprisonment.

Matt.Poor Harriet! But of course if her gray matter went and got watery——

Prof.Just so! I maintain that with her gray matter in that condition it was a stupid crime to send her to prison.

Dolly.[Looking round from desk.] But what are we to do with people whose gray matter goes wrong?

Prof.I propose to deal with that question at Edinburgh. [ToMatt.] You might, perhaps, care to run down to Edinburgh for my lectures——

Matt.I should love it above all things; but the fact is, I'm so thoroughly of your opinion——

Prof.Are you?! I'm delighted I've convinced you.

Matt.Completely. All my life I've been doing things I should never have dreamed of doing if my gray matter had done its duty and not got watery.

Harry.[Begins.] Yes, when you come to think of all the rotten things you find yourself doing, you feel, by Jove——

[Suddenly recalls that he has said "by Jove," and being near the collection-box, he quietly pulls sixpence out of his pocket and drops it in.

Matt.Bravo, Harry! [Patting him.

Harry.Oh, I mean it!—Professor, isn't it time for our hundred up?

Prof.[Taking out watch.] In two minutes.

Harry.I'll go and get the balls out and chalk the cues. [Going up to door.] Doll, [taps the writing-desk] you put it off after tea—by-and-by, you know!

Dolly.[She has finished letter, has risen, and closed writing-desk.] By-and-by.

Harry.Before we go to bed—don't forget.

Dolly.Oh, I sha'n't forget.

[Makes a wry face. ExitHarry.

Prof.Renie, you were complaining of headache. It would be wise to take a short stroll in the cool air.

Renie.Oh, very well.

Prof.Wrap up thoroughly. Ten minutes, not longer.

[Exit.Dolly,unseen byRenieandLucas,slips the note she has been writing intoMatt'shands. He takes it down stage, right, and reads it.RenieandLucashave been talking, apart; they move towards the door to get out, butDollyis standing in the way of their exit.

Dolly.Oh, Renie! I'll put on my things, and come with you.

Renie.But Captain Wentworth has offered——

Dolly.I've a splitting headache—I must get a little air. And Dad wants to have a talk with Lucas, don't you?

Matt.If he can spare five minutes.

Lucas.Won't by-and-by be just as convenient?

Dolly.[FacingLucas,speaking firmly.] No, by-and-by will not be just as convenient. Now, Renie, we'll leave them together.

[GetsRenieoff, turns, looks daggers atLucas,goes off afterRenie,closes door in his face. He opens it, and goes after her.

Lucas.I say, Doll, what's up? [Follows her off.] What's the matter?

Matt.[ReadingDolly'snote.] "Be very severe with him. Make a great point of the dairy windows. He'll understand." Dairy windows?

[Puts the note in his pocket, asLucasre-enters, puzzled and disappointed.

Lucas.I can't think what's the matter with Dolly. She has done nothing but snub me all the evening.

Matt.[Looking at him sternly.] So I should imagine!

Lucas.[Startled by his manner.] I say, have I done anything?

Matt.Done anything! I'm a man of the world! nobody can accuse me of being strait-laced, andtherefore I suppose you think you can come here and set at defiance all the——it's disgraceful!

Lucas.Would you mind telling me what you're hinting at?

Matt.I'm not hinting! I'm going to speak out very plainly, and I tell you that I look upon your conduct as something atrocious!

Lucas.I say, Uncle, what's all this about?

Matt.What's it about? What's it about? It's about the dairy windows!

Lucas.Then it was you—phew!—so it was you?

Matt.Well, after the dairy windows, can you stand there and tell me you aren't thoroughly, completely, heartily ashamed of yourself?

Lucas.Well, I suppose I am. But, after all, it wasn't so very bad——

Matt.Not bad?!

Lucas.Well, not so d—ee—d awful.

Matt.[Regards him for a few moments.] Well, I'm astonished! If you don't consider your behaviour d—ee—d awful, will you please find me some word that will describe it?

Lucas.You know you're putting a much worse construction on this than the necessities of the case demand.

Matt.What?!

Lucas.I've nothing to reproach myself with. Mrs. Biggs wasn't out of the dairy three minutes, and you were hanging about the windows all the time.

Matt.I was hanging about the windows?

Lucas.Yes, and I must say that when you saw two people engaged in an interesting conversation the least you could do was to pass on and take no notice.

Matt."Interesting conversation"?!

Lucas.Well, what did you call it? If it comes to that, what do you accuse me of?

Matt.Well, here you are, on the first day of the year, after listening to a most eloquent sermon, after making a solemn resolution to give up all your bad habits——

Lucas.Excuse me, I expressly stated that I didn't mean to give upallmy bad habits. And I don't call this a bad habit.

Matt.You don't call making love to a married woman a bad habit?!

Lucas.Of course in one sense it is a bad habit. But it isn't a bad habit in the sense that other bad habits are bad habits. Look at all the decent chaps who've been led into it!

Matt.That doesn't excuse you. And if you think that I'm going to countenance your conduct, you are very much mistaken in your estimate of my character.

Lucas.[Very quietly.] May I ask you one simple question?

Matt.Well?

Lucas.When you were my age, if you found yourself alone in a dairy with a good-looking woman, and she was good for a dozen kisses or so, wouldn't you have taken advantage of it?

Matt.No!

Lucas.Not at my age?

Matt.No—no——

Lucas.Well, what would you have done?

Matt.I should have summoned all my resolution——

Lucas.Oh, that be hanged! Come, Uncle, no humbug! Man to man!

Matt.Well, I don't say that at your age I might not have been tempted—and of course we must all go through a certain amount of experience, or how should we be able to advise you youngsters?

Lucas.I say, no confounded nonsense—your uncle Archie——

Matt.Dear old chap!

Lucas.What use did you make of his advice?

Matt.Well, I remember his talking to me very seriously—I suppose I was about your age—did I ever tell you, Lucas, [takingLucas'sarm affectionately] about a very remarkable auburn-haired girl, Madge Seaforth?

Lucas.No.

Matt.And my racing her across Salisbury Plain at night?

Lucas.No.

Matt.Forty-eight miles one glorious May night! I let her beat me! God bless her! I let her beat me! And just as the sun rose we caught sight of Salisbury spire.

Lucas.Sounds rather jolly!

Matt.Jolly? And the bacon and eggs we got through for breakfast! Jolly? It was romance! It was poetry! Ah! Lu, my boy, you may say what you like, there's nothing like it on this side heaven. I told you about Mrs. Satterwaite dressing up as a widow and selling her husband?

Lucas.No?

Matt.Well, I bet the little hussy a fiver. Oh, Satterwaite richly deserved all he got—I can see Satterwaite's face now, and hers, as she stepped out of the cupboard, with the wickedest twinkle in the wickedest black eye! Ho! Ho! Heigho! Sad! Sad!! Sad!!!—Sad! Sad!! Sad!!! Come, come, Lucas! This won't do! This will never do! Now to get back to this business of yours——

Lucas.Well——

Matt.When I was your guardian I let you have a pretty good fling?

Lucas.You did!

Matt.The pace was rather scorching?

Lucas.Rather!

Matt.I never pulled you up?

Lucas.No, and I'm grateful.

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