A GREAT SURPRISE

FACTS IN JINGLES

A GREAT SURPRISE

On the nineteenth day of August, in the year of nineteen two,Most kind and gracious Madame Stork right over Norfolk flew,And brought to my dear mother there a wonderful surprise,A little red-brown baby girl with large blackberry eyes.Now mother, she had asked the stork to bring her greatest joyAnd drop a bundle at her door containing a wee boy;But when the stork made a mistake and brought just little me,She thought that I was better far than any boy could be,And wrapped me in the blanket which she'd planned for my wee brotherAnd which my dear "Ma Mie" had knit to help my busy mother.She changed the name of Lionel to little Winifred,And all the things for brother planned, she gave to me instead.

On the nineteenth day of August, in the year of nineteen two,

Most kind and gracious Madame Stork right over Norfolk flew,

And brought to my dear mother there a wonderful surprise,

A little red-brown baby girl with large blackberry eyes.

Now mother, she had asked the stork to bring her greatest joy

And drop a bundle at her door containing a wee boy;

But when the stork made a mistake and brought just little me,

She thought that I was better far than any boy could be,

And wrapped me in the blanket which she'd planned for my wee brother

And which my dear "Ma Mie" had knit to help my busy mother.

She changed the name of Lionel to little Winifred,

And all the things for brother planned, she gave to me instead.

BRIDGET MAKES SPLIT PEA SOUP

"Bridget," asked the mistress, "whatever is the matter,Nothing ready for our lunch excepting pancake batter?Why, I invited guests to come for lunch at half-past one,And they've been waiting all this time and yet there's nothing done.""Well, mum," replied Miss Bridget, "the fault is all your own,For split pea soup you ordered and, workin' here alone,It's took me just two hours while tryin' just to splitThree hundred of these blarsted peas, which give me most a fit,And as there's still three hundred, 'twill take two hours moreTo split the pesky little things, shure as me name's MAHORE!"

"Bridget," asked the mistress, "whatever is the matter,

Nothing ready for our lunch excepting pancake batter?

Why, I invited guests to come for lunch at half-past one,

And they've been waiting all this time and yet there's nothing done."

"Well, mum," replied Miss Bridget, "the fault is all your own,For split pea soup you ordered and, workin' here alone,It's took me just two hours while tryin' just to splitThree hundred of these blarsted peas, which give me most a fit,And as there's still three hundred, 'twill take two hours moreTo split the pesky little things, shure as me name's MAHORE!"

"Well, mum," replied Miss Bridget, "the fault is all your own,

For split pea soup you ordered and, workin' here alone,

It's took me just two hours while tryin' just to split

Three hundred of these blarsted peas, which give me most a fit,

And as there's still three hundred, 'twill take two hours more

To split the pesky little things, shure as me name's MAHORE!"

THE CAREFUL MOTHER

Now come, dear John, and go to school,I hope you know your every rule.No, do not kiss me, Johnnie dear,My mouth is full of germs I fear.Love, as you walk along the street,You must not pat each dog you meet.Alas! you naughty, careless lad,You've touched the cat, how sad, how sad!For I must sterilize againYour hands and face and books and pen.Now, take each antiseptic gloveAnd quickly into each one shoveYour fingers which are prone to beFrom dreaded germs—ah, never free.Here's "SURE-GERM-KILLER" in a case.Put some at once on hands and face,For, oh, I fear those dreadful GERMSMay some day make you food for worms!

Now come, dear John, and go to school,I hope you know your every rule.No, do not kiss me, Johnnie dear,My mouth is full of germs I fear.

Now come, dear John, and go to school,

I hope you know your every rule.

No, do not kiss me, Johnnie dear,

My mouth is full of germs I fear.

Love, as you walk along the street,You must not pat each dog you meet.Alas! you naughty, careless lad,You've touched the cat, how sad, how sad!For I must sterilize againYour hands and face and books and pen.

Love, as you walk along the street,

You must not pat each dog you meet.

Alas! you naughty, careless lad,

You've touched the cat, how sad, how sad!

For I must sterilize again

Your hands and face and books and pen.

Now, take each antiseptic gloveAnd quickly into each one shoveYour fingers which are prone to beFrom dreaded germs—ah, never free.

Now, take each antiseptic glove

And quickly into each one shove

Your fingers which are prone to be

From dreaded germs—ah, never free.

Here's "SURE-GERM-KILLER" in a case.Put some at once on hands and face,For, oh, I fear those dreadful GERMSMay some day make you food for worms!

Here's "SURE-GERM-KILLER" in a case.

Put some at once on hands and face,

For, oh, I fear those dreadful GERMS

May some day make you food for worms!

GROWING THINGS

My dearest friend, John M—, and I, at least our mothers say,Are growing just as weeds will grow in April and in May.John's legs they grow so very fast his pants they leave his knees,His jackets get so very tight they burst if he dare sneeze.His head grows large and larger, I suppose because of brains,So when he wears his last year's cap, it causes lots of pains.And I am such a growing thing, my dresses they won't lastMore than a month before the spot marked by my knees is passed.And when I had the measles and had to stay in bed,You scarcely can believe me, but I grew from foot to head.So everyone who saw me said that I had grown an inch,And when I tried to wear my shoes, oh, my, but they did pinch!But generally my shoes don't last until they are too small,Because I kick the toes right out while playing at football.

My dearest friend, John M—, and I, at least our mothers say,

Are growing just as weeds will grow in April and in May.

John's legs they grow so very fast his pants they leave his knees,

His jackets get so very tight they burst if he dare sneeze.

His head grows large and larger, I suppose because of brains,

So when he wears his last year's cap, it causes lots of pains.

And I am such a growing thing, my dresses they won't lastMore than a month before the spot marked by my knees is passed.And when I had the measles and had to stay in bed,You scarcely can believe me, but I grew from foot to head.So everyone who saw me said that I had grown an inch,And when I tried to wear my shoes, oh, my, but they did pinch!But generally my shoes don't last until they are too small,Because I kick the toes right out while playing at football.

And I am such a growing thing, my dresses they won't last

More than a month before the spot marked by my knees is passed.

And when I had the measles and had to stay in bed,

You scarcely can believe me, but I grew from foot to head.

So everyone who saw me said that I had grown an inch,

And when I tried to wear my shoes, oh, my, but they did pinch!

But generally my shoes don't last until they are too small,

Because I kick the toes right out while playing at football.

GRANDPA'S HEAD TUMS FREW HIS HAIR

When Margaret was a youngster scarcely two years old,At climbing chairs and tables this lass was very bold.And one day when her grandpa was seated in his chair,She climbed upon the rounded rungs as if they were a stair,And looking at her grandpa's head, which fast was growing bald,She cried out, "Dearest Grandpa, one time you must hab failed,Or maybe you've been naughty and dot an awful scare,Which taused the top ob yu's round head to tum right frew de hair."

When Margaret was a youngster scarcely two years old,

At climbing chairs and tables this lass was very bold.

And one day when her grandpa was seated in his chair,

She climbed upon the rounded rungs as if they were a stair,

And looking at her grandpa's head, which fast was growing bald,

She cried out, "Dearest Grandpa, one time you must hab failed,

Or maybe you've been naughty and dot an awful scare,

Which taused the top ob yu's round head to tum right frew de hair."

SUSAN REWARDED FOR TWENTY YEARS' SERVICE

Professor Theophilus Socrates SnookOne day paid a visit to Susan, his cook,And, beaming upon her with kindliest look,Said, "Susan, my dear, please gaze at this book.In here you may learn of elephantiasis,And also the hookworm, uncinariasis;Of craw-craw and chiggers, of ainhum and sprue,And all that I've written about them is true.Now, Susan, to me you've been faithful, my dear,In keeping my house for many a year;For years nearly twenty you've been now with me,Cooking my victuals just as they should be,And truly I think a reward I should payTo one who has labored from day unto day.So when I discovered a wondrous new germ,Which causes young children to wiggle and squirm,I thought that this bug for you I would nameAnd bring you great glory and honor and fame.It's a wondrous discovery, this ungomariasis,And so we will call it the SUSANBONPIASIS.""No, thank you, your honor," said Susan Bawben,"I had the bugs once and don't want 'em again.And if you onsist upon callin' me BUGS,I'll lave you alone wid your books and your drugs."

Professor Theophilus Socrates Snook

One day paid a visit to Susan, his cook,

And, beaming upon her with kindliest look,

Said, "Susan, my dear, please gaze at this book.

In here you may learn of elephantiasis,

And also the hookworm, uncinariasis;

Of craw-craw and chiggers, of ainhum and sprue,

And all that I've written about them is true.

Now, Susan, to me you've been faithful, my dear,

In keeping my house for many a year;

For years nearly twenty you've been now with me,

Cooking my victuals just as they should be,

And truly I think a reward I should pay

To one who has labored from day unto day.

So when I discovered a wondrous new germ,

Which causes young children to wiggle and squirm,

I thought that this bug for you I would name

And bring you great glory and honor and fame.

It's a wondrous discovery, this ungomariasis,

And so we will call it the SUSANBONPIASIS."

"No, thank you, your honor," said Susan Bawben,

"I had the bugs once and don't want 'em again.

And if you onsist upon callin' me BUGS,

I'll lave you alone wid your books and your drugs."

A WONDROUS GROWING BABY

FIRST LADY:"Just now I heard a story, which sister says is true,About a lovely baby which grew and grew and grew,Because its mother fed it on full gallons of good milk,So that it gained ten pounds a day and looked as fine as silk."SECOND LADY:"I don't believe the story, such diet it would killA poor wee darling baby—at least, 'twould make it ill."FIRST LADY:"'Tis true, most little babies would have burst and died—But not so with this baby—'Ma Elephant's fond pride.'"

FIRST LADY:

"Just now I heard a story, which sister says is true,About a lovely baby which grew and grew and grew,Because its mother fed it on full gallons of good milk,So that it gained ten pounds a day and looked as fine as silk."

"Just now I heard a story, which sister says is true,

About a lovely baby which grew and grew and grew,

Because its mother fed it on full gallons of good milk,

So that it gained ten pounds a day and looked as fine as silk."

SECOND LADY:

"I don't believe the story, such diet it would killA poor wee darling baby—at least, 'twould make it ill."

"I don't believe the story, such diet it would kill

A poor wee darling baby—at least, 'twould make it ill."

FIRST LADY:

"'Tis true, most little babies would have burst and died—But not so with this baby—'Ma Elephant's fond pride.'"

"'Tis true, most little babies would have burst and died—

But not so with this baby—'Ma Elephant's fond pride.'"

A JOKE ON ONKLO KARLO

Onklo Karlo, he's a duck, and I love him dearly,'Cause he loves all little girls, amusing them so queerlyBy catching in his mouth the nuts which he hurls in the air,And making paper cones to stand just almost anywhere;Or holding apples on a pole stuck right upon his nose,And balancing the little girls just straight upon his toes.He always has good candy—the kind I love to eat—Made of delicious goodies that taste so nice and sweet.He tells most wondrous stories of sky and land and sea,And never seems to weary of pleasing little me;And jokes, he knows so many his store will ne'er give out,They make me laugh and giggle and sometimes even shout;But here's a joke on Onklo—I wonder if he knowsThat nails are hidden in his socks—of course, they're on his toes.

Onklo Karlo, he's a duck, and I love him dearly,

'Cause he loves all little girls, amusing them so queerly

By catching in his mouth the nuts which he hurls in the air,

And making paper cones to stand just almost anywhere;

Or holding apples on a pole stuck right upon his nose,

And balancing the little girls just straight upon his toes.

He always has good candy—the kind I love to eat—Made of delicious goodies that taste so nice and sweet.He tells most wondrous stories of sky and land and sea,And never seems to weary of pleasing little me;And jokes, he knows so many his store will ne'er give out,They make me laugh and giggle and sometimes even shout;But here's a joke on Onklo—I wonder if he knowsThat nails are hidden in his socks—of course, they're on his toes.

He always has good candy—the kind I love to eat—

Made of delicious goodies that taste so nice and sweet.

He tells most wondrous stories of sky and land and sea,

And never seems to weary of pleasing little me;

And jokes, he knows so many his store will ne'er give out,

They make me laugh and giggle and sometimes even shout;

But here's a joke on Onklo—I wonder if he knows

That nails are hidden in his socks—of course, they're on his toes.

THE PEARL OF LAKES

Of all good Uncle Sam's great lakes,LAKE ERIE is the best;She is a pearl among all lakesOf north, south, east or westHer waters on a pleasant dayDance gaily in the sun,And ever seem to smile at meAnd say, "Come, have some funWithin my cool refreshing sprayOf waters bright and clear,Oh, little girl, come right away,And never have a fear!There are no dread sea monsters hereWithin my wide domain,Where only best of 'Finny-kind'Are e'er allowed to reign."My little friend, sweet Jean, and ISay, "Thank you, gracious Lake,Well don our bathing suits and capsAnd then a plunge will takeRight into your fresh cooling fount,And then we'll be so cleanThat not a soul would ever thinkThat PITTSBURGH we had seen."

Of all good Uncle Sam's great lakes,

LAKE ERIE is the best;

She is a pearl among all lakes

Of north, south, east or west

Her waters on a pleasant day

Dance gaily in the sun,

And ever seem to smile at me

And say, "Come, have some fun

Within my cool refreshing spray

Of waters bright and clear,

Oh, little girl, come right away,

And never have a fear!

There are no dread sea monsters here

Within my wide domain,

Where only best of 'Finny-kind'

Are e'er allowed to reign."

My little friend, sweet Jean, and ISay, "Thank you, gracious Lake,Well don our bathing suits and capsAnd then a plunge will takeRight into your fresh cooling fount,And then we'll be so cleanThat not a soul would ever thinkThat PITTSBURGH we had seen."

My little friend, sweet Jean, and I

Say, "Thank you, gracious Lake,

Well don our bathing suits and caps

And then a plunge will take

Right into your fresh cooling fount,

And then we'll be so clean

That not a soul would ever think

That PITTSBURGH we had seen."

THE MUSEUM'S FAT LADY

TEACHER TO TOMMY:"Now, Tommy, please answer, and tell me at once,Who is your father, you silly young dunce?"TOMMY TO TEACHER:Said Tommy, with tears gushing forth from his eyes,"I know you're a lady w'at's most wondrous wise,But I hates like the mischief to tell on poor Pa,'Cause he's always good to both me and Ma,But he is the fat lady w'at you may seeBy goin' to Barnum's and payin' a fee."

TEACHER TO TOMMY:

"Now, Tommy, please answer, and tell me at once,Who is your father, you silly young dunce?"

"Now, Tommy, please answer, and tell me at once,

Who is your father, you silly young dunce?"

TOMMY TO TEACHER:

Said Tommy, with tears gushing forth from his eyes,"I know you're a lady w'at's most wondrous wise,But I hates like the mischief to tell on poor Pa,'Cause he's always good to both me and Ma,But he is the fat lady w'at you may seeBy goin' to Barnum's and payin' a fee."

Said Tommy, with tears gushing forth from his eyes,

"I know you're a lady w'at's most wondrous wise,

But I hates like the mischief to tell on poor Pa,

'Cause he's always good to both me and Ma,

But he is the fat lady w'at you may see

By goin' to Barnum's and payin' a fee."

PATTI LOU AT THE ZOO

My little Cousin Patti LouOne day went to the Highland Zoo,And there she saw an old ZEBUWho looked at her and said, "Moo—moo!"And ended with an awful "Oooooooooh!"She saw also a funny GNU,And said to him, "Well, how are you?"But he would nothing say or do,Not even grant, nor bray, nor mew.She saw a polly as it flew,And showed gay feathers, pink and blue,But when she came this bird to woo,Poll bit her finger almost through.Near to this wicked Polly ChewThere lived a handsome, large HIBOU,Which came from some fine foreign zoo,And worked its head round like a screw.The camel and the kangaroo,With polar bears and brown bears, too,And many birds to me quite new,All made their home in this great zoo.With elephants and tigers, too,And a huge lion named KING FOO,He paced his cage and said, "Grr—roo!"As if he meant, "I will eat you!"Near him a dove all pink and blueSo sweetly sang of love, "Coo—coo,"While across the way MONK SNOOPLE SNOOSwung by his tail and sneezed "Ca—choo!"

My little Cousin Patti LouOne day went to the Highland Zoo,And there she saw an old ZEBUWho looked at her and said, "Moo—moo!"And ended with an awful "Oooooooooh!"

My little Cousin Patti Lou

One day went to the Highland Zoo,

And there she saw an old ZEBU

Who looked at her and said, "Moo—moo!"

And ended with an awful "Oooooooooh!"

She saw also a funny GNU,And said to him, "Well, how are you?"But he would nothing say or do,Not even grant, nor bray, nor mew.

She saw also a funny GNU,

And said to him, "Well, how are you?"

But he would nothing say or do,

Not even grant, nor bray, nor mew.

She saw a polly as it flew,And showed gay feathers, pink and blue,But when she came this bird to woo,Poll bit her finger almost through.

She saw a polly as it flew,

And showed gay feathers, pink and blue,

But when she came this bird to woo,

Poll bit her finger almost through.

Near to this wicked Polly ChewThere lived a handsome, large HIBOU,Which came from some fine foreign zoo,And worked its head round like a screw.

Near to this wicked Polly Chew

There lived a handsome, large HIBOU,

Which came from some fine foreign zoo,

And worked its head round like a screw.

The camel and the kangaroo,With polar bears and brown bears, too,And many birds to me quite new,All made their home in this great zoo.

The camel and the kangaroo,

With polar bears and brown bears, too,

And many birds to me quite new,

All made their home in this great zoo.

With elephants and tigers, too,And a huge lion named KING FOO,He paced his cage and said, "Grr—roo!"As if he meant, "I will eat you!"

With elephants and tigers, too,

And a huge lion named KING FOO,

He paced his cage and said, "Grr—roo!"

As if he meant, "I will eat you!"

Near him a dove all pink and blueSo sweetly sang of love, "Coo—coo,"While across the way MONK SNOOPLE SNOOSwung by his tail and sneezed "Ca—choo!"

Near him a dove all pink and blue

So sweetly sang of love, "Coo—coo,"

While across the way MONK SNOOPLE SNOO

Swung by his tail and sneezed "Ca—choo!"

FURS LINED WITH KITTENS

Said a rich little girl, who was boasting one day,"I'ze too many furs, so I throws them away;"But her poor little friend, who fine furs had none,In braggadocia could not be outdone,And proudly she showed her little fur mittensAnd said, "I'ze sum odders, do deys lined wid kittens."

Said a rich little girl, who was boasting one day,

"I'ze too many furs, so I throws them away;"

But her poor little friend, who fine furs had none,

In braggadocia could not be outdone,

And proudly she showed her little fur mittens

And said, "I'ze sum odders, do deys lined wid kittens."

MUCH LEARNING SAVES IGNATIUS

"Father," said learned Ignatius, as the strap was preparing to fallDown on his trousersless bare-skin, "I don't mind a whipping at all,But are you quite certain, dear father, the strap has been well sterilized?For virulent germs in old leather are often concealed and disguised;And surely by violent impact with textile and soft porous skin,But lately exposed to the street's dust there's danger of entering inUpon my most delicate system, and then comes the big doctor's fee,So, dear father, show you're a wise man and touch not the strap upon me."While the learned youth plead, lo! his father upon that dread strap loosed his hold,And thus he escaped from a whipping, Ignatius the wise and the bold.

"Father," said learned Ignatius, as the strap was preparing to fall

Down on his trousersless bare-skin, "I don't mind a whipping at all,

But are you quite certain, dear father, the strap has been well sterilized?

For virulent germs in old leather are often concealed and disguised;

And surely by violent impact with textile and soft porous skin,

But lately exposed to the street's dust there's danger of entering in

Upon my most delicate system, and then comes the big doctor's fee,

So, dear father, show you're a wise man and touch not the strap upon me."

While the learned youth plead, lo! his father upon that dread strap loosed his hold,And thus he escaped from a whipping, Ignatius the wise and the bold.

While the learned youth plead, lo! his father upon that dread strap loosed his hold,

And thus he escaped from a whipping, Ignatius the wise and the bold.

TWILIGHT

Of all the hours of day or nightGive me the twilight hour,When little birds hide out of sightAnd every sylvan bowerIs filled with their sweet good night song,While darkness creeps apaceO'er all the bright blue sky alongAnd hides the sun's gold face.That is the hour when Mother dearSays, "Come, sweetheart," to me,"And of the earth's great heroes hearWhile sitting on my knee."Upon her arm I rest my handAnd wondrous stories hear,Until it's time to go to bed,Tucked in by Mother dear.

Of all the hours of day or night

Give me the twilight hour,

When little birds hide out of sight

And every sylvan bower

Is filled with their sweet good night song,

While darkness creeps apace

O'er all the bright blue sky along

And hides the sun's gold face.

That is the hour when Mother dearSays, "Come, sweetheart," to me,"And of the earth's great heroes hearWhile sitting on my knee."Upon her arm I rest my handAnd wondrous stories hear,Until it's time to go to bed,Tucked in by Mother dear.

That is the hour when Mother dear

Says, "Come, sweetheart," to me,

"And of the earth's great heroes hear

While sitting on my knee."

Upon her arm I rest my hand

And wondrous stories hear,

Until it's time to go to bed,

Tucked in by Mother dear.

A FIVE-FOOT SHELF OF SUMMER BOOKS

Whenever you're perspiring like a Gruyère cheese,List to this list of cooling works which cannot fail to please:Great Isaac Hayes's noted work upon the POLAR SEA,How much with him this broiling day we all would like to be!Or maybe in the SNOWBOUND realms we'd find still more delightIf Whittier, the poet great, would take us there to-night.With Nansen in his tales of weird and far-off frozen lands,Where no one needs be tortured by electric buzzing fans;And Barrows' wondrous voyages in icy ARCTIC REGIONS,Meeting monstrous icebergs each hour by the legions.While each and all would love to get a nice big cooling boxOf the ARCTIC SUNBEAMS that are mentioned by S. Cox,And ICY LANDS by Perry, Kane, Atkinson and Hall,Sound so mighty tempting to us one and all.Exploring parties to the North led by the hero Schley,Oh, such a summer voyage how we would like to try!And follow after Wrangell with snow up to our kneesAcross Siberia's lonely plains to far-off NORTHERN SEAS.While reading of the ICE FLOATS from Kennan and from Hohn,We feel that we should have a shelf all of our very own,And on it all these chilly works we there should keep on hand,To take us when we're hot and cross to some cool northern land.

Whenever you're perspiring like a Gruyère cheese,

List to this list of cooling works which cannot fail to please:

Great Isaac Hayes's noted work upon the POLAR SEA,

How much with him this broiling day we all would like to be!

Or maybe in the SNOWBOUND realms we'd find still more delight

If Whittier, the poet great, would take us there to-night.

With Nansen in his tales of weird and far-off frozen lands,Where no one needs be tortured by electric buzzing fans;And Barrows' wondrous voyages in icy ARCTIC REGIONS,Meeting monstrous icebergs each hour by the legions.While each and all would love to get a nice big cooling boxOf the ARCTIC SUNBEAMS that are mentioned by S. Cox,And ICY LANDS by Perry, Kane, Atkinson and Hall,Sound so mighty tempting to us one and all.

With Nansen in his tales of weird and far-off frozen lands,

Where no one needs be tortured by electric buzzing fans;

And Barrows' wondrous voyages in icy ARCTIC REGIONS,

Meeting monstrous icebergs each hour by the legions.

While each and all would love to get a nice big cooling box

Of the ARCTIC SUNBEAMS that are mentioned by S. Cox,

And ICY LANDS by Perry, Kane, Atkinson and Hall,

Sound so mighty tempting to us one and all.

Exploring parties to the North led by the hero Schley,Oh, such a summer voyage how we would like to try!And follow after Wrangell with snow up to our kneesAcross Siberia's lonely plains to far-off NORTHERN SEAS.While reading of the ICE FLOATS from Kennan and from Hohn,We feel that we should have a shelf all of our very own,And on it all these chilly works we there should keep on hand,To take us when we're hot and cross to some cool northern land.

Exploring parties to the North led by the hero Schley,

Oh, such a summer voyage how we would like to try!

And follow after Wrangell with snow up to our knees

Across Siberia's lonely plains to far-off NORTHERN SEAS.

While reading of the ICE FLOATS from Kennan and from Hohn,

We feel that we should have a shelf all of our very own,

And on it all these chilly works we there should keep on hand,

To take us when we're hot and cross to some cool northern land.

THE CAT EXTINCTED THE CANARY

"Josephine," asked the teacher, "can you tell to meAny bird that's now extinct, but used on earth to be?""Oh, yes, Miss Jane," said Josephine, "our sweet canary, Jim,Because the naughty pussy cat, she quite extincted him."

"Josephine," asked the teacher, "can you tell to meAny bird that's now extinct, but used on earth to be?"

"Josephine," asked the teacher, "can you tell to me

Any bird that's now extinct, but used on earth to be?"

"Oh, yes, Miss Jane," said Josephine, "our sweet canary, Jim,Because the naughty pussy cat, she quite extincted him."

"Oh, yes, Miss Jane," said Josephine, "our sweet canary, Jim,

Because the naughty pussy cat, she quite extincted him."

A BONY SONG

Eight and twenty bones, 'tis said,Are located in my head.In my trunk are fifty-fourThat I add to my bone store;While my limbs have plenty more—Full one hundred twenty-four.In my skull, the strong round boxWhich protects my brains from knocks,There are eight bones in its wall—Glad I have them when I fall!Occipital there is but one;One ethmoid and wedge sphenoid one,One frontal bone not very long—Compared with oak just twice as strong.Parietals there are but two,Two temporals will also do.Fourteen bones are in my face,To know them not is a disgrace.One lower jaw and upper twoHelp me each day when I must chew.Two turbinated shaped like cones,Two nasal, malar, palate bones,Two lachrymals and vomer one,But very large bones there are none.The smallest bones are in my earAnd help me when I wish to hear.These bones so small, are hard to see—The mallet, anvil, stapes wee.My bony trunk it takes good careOf all the organs hidden there.Its spinal column very longHas six and twenty bones so strong.Small bones just seven it doth takeA neck or cervical to make,With dorsals twelve and lumbars five,I surely need if I would thrive;With sacrum one and lots of ribs,Fourteen true and ten called "fibs,"One coccyx, sternum, hyoid small,With two big hip bones—that is all.Now in my limbs, just let me see,I own a clavicle or key,A scapula or shoulder blade,And which for gold I wouldn't trade,A humerus not meant for fun,A radius and ulna one.Eight carpals help to form my wrists.Five metacarpals in my fist,While all my fingers have each threePhalanges that are strong but wee,But my poor thumbs can only boastOf two phalanges at the most.My lower limbs are proud to ownA sturdy thigh or femur bone.This useful bone is very longAnd joined by a patella strongTo two stout bones within my leg,One like a flute, one like a peg,One as the fibula is known,The other's called tibia bone.My instep has just seven tarsals,Shaped à la the eight wrist carpals,While the five bones in my feetWith fourteen more the toes complete.Thus each perfect person ownsJust two hundred and six bones.

Eight and twenty bones, 'tis said,Are located in my head.In my trunk are fifty-fourThat I add to my bone store;While my limbs have plenty more—Full one hundred twenty-four.

Eight and twenty bones, 'tis said,

Are located in my head.

In my trunk are fifty-four

That I add to my bone store;

While my limbs have plenty more—

Full one hundred twenty-four.

In my skull, the strong round boxWhich protects my brains from knocks,There are eight bones in its wall—Glad I have them when I fall!Occipital there is but one;One ethmoid and wedge sphenoid one,One frontal bone not very long—Compared with oak just twice as strong.Parietals there are but two,Two temporals will also do.

In my skull, the strong round box

Which protects my brains from knocks,

There are eight bones in its wall—

Glad I have them when I fall!

Occipital there is but one;

One ethmoid and wedge sphenoid one,

One frontal bone not very long—

Compared with oak just twice as strong.

Parietals there are but two,

Two temporals will also do.

Fourteen bones are in my face,To know them not is a disgrace.One lower jaw and upper twoHelp me each day when I must chew.Two turbinated shaped like cones,Two nasal, malar, palate bones,Two lachrymals and vomer one,But very large bones there are none.

Fourteen bones are in my face,

To know them not is a disgrace.

One lower jaw and upper two

Help me each day when I must chew.

Two turbinated shaped like cones,

Two nasal, malar, palate bones,

Two lachrymals and vomer one,

But very large bones there are none.

The smallest bones are in my earAnd help me when I wish to hear.These bones so small, are hard to see—The mallet, anvil, stapes wee.

The smallest bones are in my ear

And help me when I wish to hear.

These bones so small, are hard to see—

The mallet, anvil, stapes wee.

My bony trunk it takes good careOf all the organs hidden there.Its spinal column very longHas six and twenty bones so strong.Small bones just seven it doth takeA neck or cervical to make,With dorsals twelve and lumbars five,I surely need if I would thrive;With sacrum one and lots of ribs,Fourteen true and ten called "fibs,"One coccyx, sternum, hyoid small,With two big hip bones—that is all.

My bony trunk it takes good care

Of all the organs hidden there.

Its spinal column very long

Has six and twenty bones so strong.

Small bones just seven it doth take

A neck or cervical to make,

With dorsals twelve and lumbars five,

I surely need if I would thrive;

With sacrum one and lots of ribs,

Fourteen true and ten called "fibs,"

One coccyx, sternum, hyoid small,

With two big hip bones—that is all.

Now in my limbs, just let me see,I own a clavicle or key,A scapula or shoulder blade,And which for gold I wouldn't trade,A humerus not meant for fun,A radius and ulna one.

Now in my limbs, just let me see,

I own a clavicle or key,

A scapula or shoulder blade,

And which for gold I wouldn't trade,

A humerus not meant for fun,

A radius and ulna one.

Eight carpals help to form my wrists.Five metacarpals in my fist,While all my fingers have each threePhalanges that are strong but wee,But my poor thumbs can only boastOf two phalanges at the most.

Eight carpals help to form my wrists.

Five metacarpals in my fist,

While all my fingers have each three

Phalanges that are strong but wee,

But my poor thumbs can only boast

Of two phalanges at the most.

My lower limbs are proud to ownA sturdy thigh or femur bone.This useful bone is very longAnd joined by a patella strongTo two stout bones within my leg,One like a flute, one like a peg,One as the fibula is known,The other's called tibia bone.

My lower limbs are proud to own

A sturdy thigh or femur bone.

This useful bone is very long

And joined by a patella strong

To two stout bones within my leg,

One like a flute, one like a peg,

One as the fibula is known,

The other's called tibia bone.

My instep has just seven tarsals,Shaped à la the eight wrist carpals,While the five bones in my feetWith fourteen more the toes complete.Thus each perfect person ownsJust two hundred and six bones.

My instep has just seven tarsals,

Shaped à la the eight wrist carpals,

While the five bones in my feet

With fourteen more the toes complete.

Thus each perfect person owns

Just two hundred and six bones.

LET THE BUMBLE BE

One day I saw a bumble bee bumbling on a rose,And as I stood admiring him, he stung me on the nose.My nose in pain it swelled so large it looked like a potato,So Daddy said, though Mother thought 'twas more like a tomato.And now, dear children, this advice, I hope you'll take from me,And when you see a bumble bee, just let that bumble be.

One day I saw a bumble bee bumbling on a rose,

And as I stood admiring him, he stung me on the nose.

My nose in pain it swelled so large it looked like a potato,

So Daddy said, though Mother thought 'twas more like a tomato.

And now, dear children, this advice, I hope you'll take from me,

And when you see a bumble bee, just let that bumble be.

GRANDMA TURKEY'S LAMENT

"Oh! Gobble! Gobble! Gobble! Oh!The Turkey-world is full of woe!"So Grandma Turkey sadly gobblesAs in her coop she lamely wobbles."This woe is caused by people's germsWhich are much smaller than wee wormsYet cause great trouble on this earthAnd drive away all joy and mirth."When I was young the turkeys thenThey lost their turklettes now and thenWhen wintry winds came howling roundAnd chilly snow fell on the groundFrom one disease, DECAPIDITIS,But now we have appendicitisWhile it is pleasant summer weatherAnd we should scarcely lose a feather."Our poor weak throats are the receiverFor children's ills, as scarlet feverAnd many a diphtheratic germWhich causes us in pain to squirm,Extincting all of our fine raceSo common birds must take our place."

"Oh! Gobble! Gobble! Gobble! Oh!

The Turkey-world is full of woe!"

So Grandma Turkey sadly gobbles

As in her coop she lamely wobbles.

"This woe is caused by people's germs

Which are much smaller than wee worms

Yet cause great trouble on this earth

And drive away all joy and mirth.

"When I was young the turkeys thenThey lost their turklettes now and thenWhen wintry winds came howling roundAnd chilly snow fell on the groundFrom one disease, DECAPIDITIS,But now we have appendicitisWhile it is pleasant summer weatherAnd we should scarcely lose a feather.

"When I was young the turkeys then

They lost their turklettes now and then

When wintry winds came howling round

And chilly snow fell on the ground

From one disease, DECAPIDITIS,

But now we have appendicitis

While it is pleasant summer weather

And we should scarcely lose a feather.

"Our poor weak throats are the receiverFor children's ills, as scarlet feverAnd many a diphtheratic germWhich causes us in pain to squirm,Extincting all of our fine raceSo common birds must take our place."

"Our poor weak throats are the receiver

For children's ills, as scarlet fever

And many a diphtheratic germ

Which causes us in pain to squirm,

Extincting all of our fine race

So common birds must take our place."

ANSWERS, NOT QUESTIONS, CAUSE TROUBLE

MOTHER:"Don't bother your father with questions, Ervane,He's tired of hearing you ask to explainWhy fishes can't walk or ride on the land?How lizards and fleas can live in the sand?What causes the sun to set in the westAnd always to sleep in one golden nest?When will the time come for children to flyAnd play in the clouds with the birds in the sky?Such foolish, vain questions, they trouble your dadAnd sometimes I fear they make him quite sad.""No, Mother," replied the inquisitive lad,"It's the answers, not questions, that trouble poor Dad."

MOTHER:

"Don't bother your father with questions, Ervane,He's tired of hearing you ask to explainWhy fishes can't walk or ride on the land?How lizards and fleas can live in the sand?What causes the sun to set in the westAnd always to sleep in one golden nest?When will the time come for children to flyAnd play in the clouds with the birds in the sky?Such foolish, vain questions, they trouble your dadAnd sometimes I fear they make him quite sad."

"Don't bother your father with questions, Ervane,

He's tired of hearing you ask to explain

Why fishes can't walk or ride on the land?

How lizards and fleas can live in the sand?

What causes the sun to set in the west

And always to sleep in one golden nest?

When will the time come for children to fly

And play in the clouds with the birds in the sky?

Such foolish, vain questions, they trouble your dad

And sometimes I fear they make him quite sad."

"No, Mother," replied the inquisitive lad,"It's the answers, not questions, that trouble poor Dad."

"No, Mother," replied the inquisitive lad,

"It's the answers, not questions, that trouble poor Dad."

ROOSEVELT COMPLIMENTS MAMA LION

One day last year King Teddy arose with old King SunAnd, seeing a huge lion, he seized his trusty gunAnd made the King of Jungle-land quickly homeward run,While Teddy followed after and thought it lots of fun.King Lion reached his tavern home, trembling in great fear,But when Queen Lion heard his tale, she simply scratched one ear,Then shrugged her shoulders à la hump and to her husband said,"In all the best newspapers how often have I readThat Teddy loves all parents who large families possess,And I am sure with many cubs our happy den is blessed."Then grave and proud Queen Lion she carried out each babe,And placed it in the doorway of her Afro-jungle cave;And there she proudly waited for King Teddy to appear,For of his teeth and of his gun she hadn't any fear.The coward King of Jungle-land, he hid himself inside,And when he heard King Teddy's voice his bones shook in his hide;But soon he knew his fears were vain when Teddy, laughing, said:"As mother of fine sextets, you surely rank aheadOf all the lions I have met in circus tent or den,To meet you I'm DEE-LIGHTED, and I hope we'll meet again."

One day last year King Teddy arose with old King Sun

And, seeing a huge lion, he seized his trusty gun

And made the King of Jungle-land quickly homeward run,

While Teddy followed after and thought it lots of fun.

King Lion reached his tavern home, trembling in great fear,

But when Queen Lion heard his tale, she simply scratched one ear,

Then shrugged her shoulders à la hump and to her husband said,

"In all the best newspapers how often have I read

That Teddy loves all parents who large families possess,

And I am sure with many cubs our happy den is blessed."

Then grave and proud Queen Lion she carried out each babe,And placed it in the doorway of her Afro-jungle cave;And there she proudly waited for King Teddy to appear,For of his teeth and of his gun she hadn't any fear.The coward King of Jungle-land, he hid himself inside,And when he heard King Teddy's voice his bones shook in his hide;But soon he knew his fears were vain when Teddy, laughing, said:"As mother of fine sextets, you surely rank aheadOf all the lions I have met in circus tent or den,To meet you I'm DEE-LIGHTED, and I hope we'll meet again."

Then grave and proud Queen Lion she carried out each babe,

And placed it in the doorway of her Afro-jungle cave;

And there she proudly waited for King Teddy to appear,

For of his teeth and of his gun she hadn't any fear.

The coward King of Jungle-land, he hid himself inside,

And when he heard King Teddy's voice his bones shook in his hide;

But soon he knew his fears were vain when Teddy, laughing, said:

"As mother of fine sextets, you surely rank ahead

Of all the lions I have met in circus tent or den,

To meet you I'm DEE-LIGHTED, and I hope we'll meet again."

WEE WILLIE'S FIRST HAIR CUT

Last Friday, for the first time, wee Willie went with meTo the colored barber, who bowed most graciously,And asked the little fellow how should he crop his curls,Close to his head, in medium length, or bobbed like little girls'?Wee Willie answered promptly. "My hair, please, barber, cropLike my own dear Daddy's, wif a small round hole on top."

Last Friday, for the first time, wee Willie went with me

To the colored barber, who bowed most graciously,

And asked the little fellow how should he crop his curls,

Close to his head, in medium length, or bobbed like little girls'?

Wee Willie answered promptly. "My hair, please, barber, crop

Like my own dear Daddy's, wif a small round hole on top."

THE TIME OF HIS LIFE

There are many schools of learning and also schools of game,But the school with largest members bears KING HIPPO'S name,And big and little people, yes, even EVANS' FLEET,Would think it quite unpleasant a Hippo school to meet.But Bwana Tumbo Teddy, who knows no thought of fear,Laughed in joyous pleasure as the SCHOOL drew near,And smiling at the leader, he made her stiff with fright,As from his parted mouthpiece his white teeth came in sight.Then Bwana seized his rifle and, taking steady aim,He fired at Queen Hippo and made her front legs lame,Then shooting at her sisters, and brothers left and right,He scattered all the mighty beasts and drove them out of sight.All those he killed, this hunter brave, then quickly towed ashore,Saying, "I'M DEE-LIGHTED, and I hope to meet some moreSCHOOLS OF HIPPOPOTAMI that feel inclined to strife,As in this Hippo-battle I'd the time of my whole life."

There are many schools of learning and also schools of game,

But the school with largest members bears KING HIPPO'S name,

And big and little people, yes, even EVANS' FLEET,

Would think it quite unpleasant a Hippo school to meet.

But Bwana Tumbo Teddy, who knows no thought of fear,Laughed in joyous pleasure as the SCHOOL drew near,And smiling at the leader, he made her stiff with fright,As from his parted mouthpiece his white teeth came in sight.

But Bwana Tumbo Teddy, who knows no thought of fear,

Laughed in joyous pleasure as the SCHOOL drew near,

And smiling at the leader, he made her stiff with fright,

As from his parted mouthpiece his white teeth came in sight.

Then Bwana seized his rifle and, taking steady aim,He fired at Queen Hippo and made her front legs lame,Then shooting at her sisters, and brothers left and right,He scattered all the mighty beasts and drove them out of sight.

Then Bwana seized his rifle and, taking steady aim,

He fired at Queen Hippo and made her front legs lame,

Then shooting at her sisters, and brothers left and right,

He scattered all the mighty beasts and drove them out of sight.

All those he killed, this hunter brave, then quickly towed ashore,Saying, "I'M DEE-LIGHTED, and I hope to meet some moreSCHOOLS OF HIPPOPOTAMI that feel inclined to strife,As in this Hippo-battle I'd the time of my whole life."

All those he killed, this hunter brave, then quickly towed ashore,

Saying, "I'M DEE-LIGHTED, and I hope to meet some more

SCHOOLS OF HIPPOPOTAMI that feel inclined to strife,

As in this Hippo-battle I'd the time of my whole life."

THE WINKING STAR

There's a winking star in the sky above,At least so I've been told;A veritable little flirt of a star,But he surely can't be bold,As he's some million miles from hereIn Pegasus, the steed,And if we wish to see him winkA telescope we need.

There's a winking star in the sky above,

At least so I've been told;

A veritable little flirt of a star,

But he surely can't be bold,

As he's some million miles from here

In Pegasus, the steed,

And if we wish to see him wink

A telescope we need.

TOO MANY DOLLS

Miss Margaret Mary Elizabeth May,Had one hundred dollies with which she could play.There were bisque dolls and wax dolls and dolls with real hair,Red dolls and black dolls and dolls that were fair,Fat dolls and plump dolls and dolls in the style,Hipless and jointless and dressed in a smile;Sag dolls and wood dolls and celluloid boys,China and paper and Jumping Jack Joys;Irish and Scotch dolls and dolls from Paree,And all of the strange lands from over the sea;Jappies and Chinese and dark Esquimos,Dutchies and Germans and cutest Dagoes;Dollies from Egypt and dollies from Spain,Hindoos and Hebrews and one little Dane.From Poland and Russia they'd traveled afarBy railroad and steamer and also by carTo join other dollies from Johnnie Bull's home,And lovely Italians from far away Rome.From Greenland and Iceland, Norway and Greece,The string of these dollies seemed never to cease.But Margaret Mary Elizabeth MayCould never decide with which doll to play,So she was not happy as poor little Sue,Who in her doll family had only twoWretched rag dollies without any hair,But which she considered a most lovely pair.And these ugly dollies they gave her delight,As with them she played from morning till night.

Miss Margaret Mary Elizabeth May,

Had one hundred dollies with which she could play.

There were bisque dolls and wax dolls and dolls with real hair,

Red dolls and black dolls and dolls that were fair,

Fat dolls and plump dolls and dolls in the style,

Hipless and jointless and dressed in a smile;

Sag dolls and wood dolls and celluloid boys,

China and paper and Jumping Jack Joys;

Irish and Scotch dolls and dolls from Paree,

And all of the strange lands from over the sea;

Jappies and Chinese and dark Esquimos,

Dutchies and Germans and cutest Dagoes;

Dollies from Egypt and dollies from Spain,

Hindoos and Hebrews and one little Dane.

From Poland and Russia they'd traveled afar

By railroad and steamer and also by car

To join other dollies from Johnnie Bull's home,

And lovely Italians from far away Rome.

From Greenland and Iceland, Norway and Greece,

The string of these dollies seemed never to cease.

But Margaret Mary Elizabeth May

Could never decide with which doll to play,

So she was not happy as poor little Sue,

Who in her doll family had only two

Wretched rag dollies without any hair,

But which she considered a most lovely pair.

And these ugly dollies they gave her delight,

As with them she played from morning till night.

LAST OF MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB

Mary had a little lamb;She also had a little ham,A pie, a cake, an ice-cream cone,Which caused the maiden loud to groan.And now poor Mary and her lambAnd pie and cake and cone and hamAre resting in the cold, dark tomb—For Mary met dyspeptic's doom.

Mary had a little lamb;She also had a little ham,A pie, a cake, an ice-cream cone,Which caused the maiden loud to groan.

Mary had a little lamb;

She also had a little ham,

A pie, a cake, an ice-cream cone,

Which caused the maiden loud to groan.

And now poor Mary and her lambAnd pie and cake and cone and hamAre resting in the cold, dark tomb—For Mary met dyspeptic's doom.

And now poor Mary and her lamb

And pie and cake and cone and ham

Are resting in the cold, dark tomb—

For Mary met dyspeptic's doom.

WOES CAUSED BY WHOOPING BUGS

If you don't believe that whooping-cough causes lots of woe,Just catch a few whooping germs and then I guess you'll knowThat whoopee-whoops! and wheepee-wheeps! are not one bit of fun,When you see others playing games where all must jump and run;For if you jump or if you run, you start the whoop-oop-oop!And even if you're tired you can't sleep for the croup,Caused by the awful whooping bugs, which lurk within your throatAnd make your voice sound hoarser than the singing of a goat.For fear of spreading whooping bugs you certainly can't goTo Sunday-school or other school, or even to a show,But you must stay at home ALONE from three to six long weeks,And listen to your croaking voice, which whoops and sometimes squeaks.So therefore take the good advice of a little girl who knows,And stay away from WHOOPING-COUGH, which causes lots of woes.

If you don't believe that whooping-cough causes lots of woe,

Just catch a few whooping germs and then I guess you'll know

That whoopee-whoops! and wheepee-wheeps! are not one bit of fun,

When you see others playing games where all must jump and run;

For if you jump or if you run, you start the whoop-oop-oop!

And even if you're tired you can't sleep for the croup,

Caused by the awful whooping bugs, which lurk within your throat

And make your voice sound hoarser than the singing of a goat.

For fear of spreading whooping bugs you certainly can't goTo Sunday-school or other school, or even to a show,But you must stay at home ALONE from three to six long weeks,And listen to your croaking voice, which whoops and sometimes squeaks.So therefore take the good advice of a little girl who knows,And stay away from WHOOPING-COUGH, which causes lots of woes.

For fear of spreading whooping bugs you certainly can't go

To Sunday-school or other school, or even to a show,

But you must stay at home ALONE from three to six long weeks,

And listen to your croaking voice, which whoops and sometimes squeaks.

So therefore take the good advice of a little girl who knows,

And stay away from WHOOPING-COUGH, which causes lots of woes.

GOOD B'S AND BAD T'S

The most precious treasures in all this good earth,The givers of JOY of only true worthAre good books and babies, the two little B'sThat are gifts of the FAIRIES for mortals to please.The most dreaded tortures in all this wide earthThat to all greatest SORROWS are prone to give birthAre bad tears and temper, the two ugly T'sInvented by GOBLINS for mortals to tease.

The most precious treasures in all this good earth,The givers of JOY of only true worthAre good books and babies, the two little B'sThat are gifts of the FAIRIES for mortals to please.

The most precious treasures in all this good earth,

The givers of JOY of only true worth

Are good books and babies, the two little B's

That are gifts of the FAIRIES for mortals to please.

The most dreaded tortures in all this wide earthThat to all greatest SORROWS are prone to give birthAre bad tears and temper, the two ugly T'sInvented by GOBLINS for mortals to tease.

The most dreaded tortures in all this wide earth

That to all greatest SORROWS are prone to give birth

Are bad tears and temper, the two ugly T's

Invented by GOBLINS for mortals to tease.

A BOY'S COMPLAINT

Grandma calls me Johnnie, father calls me John,My sweetheart calls me Buddy, and the boys call me Don,But Mother, oh, dear Mother, whenever I come near,She calls me darling Baby and sometimes "BABY DEAR."I like the name of Johnnie, I'm proud of my name John,I don't mind hearing Buddy and the shorter name of Don,But, though I love dear Mother far more than all the rest,Her name of DARLING BABY I thoroughly detest.You see when I am playing with boys in the street,And pitching ball or doing some extraordinary feat,It makes me feel so little to hear my mother call,"Watch out, my darling BABY, be careful lest you fall!"I'm not a darling baby, nor little baby dear,I'm quite a great big boy and have no baby fear,But I can't stand the guying the boys give to me,When Mother starts to calling that hateful name—"BABEE."

Grandma calls me Johnnie, father calls me John,

My sweetheart calls me Buddy, and the boys call me Don,

But Mother, oh, dear Mother, whenever I come near,

She calls me darling Baby and sometimes "BABY DEAR."

I like the name of Johnnie, I'm proud of my name John,I don't mind hearing Buddy and the shorter name of Don,But, though I love dear Mother far more than all the rest,Her name of DARLING BABY I thoroughly detest.

I like the name of Johnnie, I'm proud of my name John,

I don't mind hearing Buddy and the shorter name of Don,

But, though I love dear Mother far more than all the rest,

Her name of DARLING BABY I thoroughly detest.

You see when I am playing with boys in the street,And pitching ball or doing some extraordinary feat,It makes me feel so little to hear my mother call,"Watch out, my darling BABY, be careful lest you fall!"

You see when I am playing with boys in the street,

And pitching ball or doing some extraordinary feat,

It makes me feel so little to hear my mother call,

"Watch out, my darling BABY, be careful lest you fall!"

I'm not a darling baby, nor little baby dear,I'm quite a great big boy and have no baby fear,But I can't stand the guying the boys give to me,When Mother starts to calling that hateful name—"BABEE."

I'm not a darling baby, nor little baby dear,

I'm quite a great big boy and have no baby fear,

But I can't stand the guying the boys give to me,

When Mother starts to calling that hateful name—"BABEE."

KING TEDDY, THE FEARLESS

King Teddy has much courage to fight both beasts and menWith pistols and with broadswords and with the mighty pen.And now in Afric jungles he's busy fighting fleas,Mosquitoes, and big tigers and monstrous bumble bees;Huge elephants, gorillas and awful Guinea-worms,Sloughing phagedæna, and sleeping sickness germs,Tinea imbricata, piedra, and goundou,Malaria and the ainhum, pinta and the sprue,Chyluria, mycetonia, leprosy and yaws,Afric dysentery and maybe lions' claws,Bubonic plague and dengue and dreadful tropic-boils,Fevers black and yellow and sometimes serpents' coils,Tinea Madagascar, Dhobie itch, screw worms,Beri-beri and craw-craw and all the Afric germs;With dread sun-traumatism, and abscess of the liver,Yet none of these great terrors can make King Teddy shiver.

King Teddy has much courage to fight both beasts and men

With pistols and with broadswords and with the mighty pen.

And now in Afric jungles he's busy fighting fleas,

Mosquitoes, and big tigers and monstrous bumble bees;

Huge elephants, gorillas and awful Guinea-worms,

Sloughing phagedæna, and sleeping sickness germs,

Tinea imbricata, piedra, and goundou,

Malaria and the ainhum, pinta and the sprue,

Chyluria, mycetonia, leprosy and yaws,

Afric dysentery and maybe lions' claws,

Bubonic plague and dengue and dreadful tropic-boils,

Fevers black and yellow and sometimes serpents' coils,

Tinea Madagascar, Dhobie itch, screw worms,

Beri-beri and craw-craw and all the Afric germs;

With dread sun-traumatism, and abscess of the liver,

Yet none of these great terrors can make King Teddy shiver.

THE GROUCH-BUG

Of all the dreaded bugs and germsThat in this earth abound,No bugs in greater numberHave ever yet been found,Nor looked upon with terror moreBy big folks and by smallThan GROUCH-BUGS, which are awful pests.That come to one and all.They make us, oh, so crankyThat we would like to yell,And hunt up all the meanest thingsAbout our friends to tell.When other folks are smilingThe GROUCH-BUG'S victim cries,While other folks are dancingThe GROUCH-SICK heave big sighs.A great and noted doctor saysThe GROUCH-BUG is but foundWithin the torrid climateWhere heat waves will abound,And that the bug will never liveIn woman, boy or child,But always seeks a man's stout frameAnd makes him cross and wild.But though I'm young, I truly thinkThat this is not quite true,For well I know some little girls,And boys and ladies, too,Who have the awful GROUCHESAnd get quite fiercely madSo that they act like demonsWho never can be glad.My daddy says the only cureWhich he would always useFor folks who get the GROUCHESAnd other folks abuse,Would be to give a duckingWith water freezing coldSo that they'd be so chillyThey couldn't even scold.But for the kiddies of my ageWho let this bad bug in,He recommends the touchingOf peach limb to bare skin.

Of all the dreaded bugs and germs

That in this earth abound,

No bugs in greater number

Have ever yet been found,

Nor looked upon with terror more

By big folks and by small

Than GROUCH-BUGS, which are awful pests.

That come to one and all.

They make us, oh, so crankyThat we would like to yell,And hunt up all the meanest thingsAbout our friends to tell.When other folks are smilingThe GROUCH-BUG'S victim cries,While other folks are dancingThe GROUCH-SICK heave big sighs.

They make us, oh, so cranky

That we would like to yell,

And hunt up all the meanest things

About our friends to tell.

When other folks are smiling

The GROUCH-BUG'S victim cries,

While other folks are dancing

The GROUCH-SICK heave big sighs.

A great and noted doctor saysThe GROUCH-BUG is but foundWithin the torrid climateWhere heat waves will abound,And that the bug will never liveIn woman, boy or child,But always seeks a man's stout frameAnd makes him cross and wild.

A great and noted doctor says

The GROUCH-BUG is but found

Within the torrid climate

Where heat waves will abound,

And that the bug will never live

In woman, boy or child,

But always seeks a man's stout frame

And makes him cross and wild.

But though I'm young, I truly thinkThat this is not quite true,For well I know some little girls,And boys and ladies, too,Who have the awful GROUCHESAnd get quite fiercely madSo that they act like demonsWho never can be glad.

But though I'm young, I truly think

That this is not quite true,

For well I know some little girls,

And boys and ladies, too,

Who have the awful GROUCHES

And get quite fiercely mad

So that they act like demons

Who never can be glad.

My daddy says the only cureWhich he would always useFor folks who get the GROUCHESAnd other folks abuse,Would be to give a duckingWith water freezing coldSo that they'd be so chillyThey couldn't even scold.But for the kiddies of my ageWho let this bad bug in,He recommends the touchingOf peach limb to bare skin.

My daddy says the only cure

Which he would always use

For folks who get the GROUCHES

And other folks abuse,

Would be to give a ducking

With water freezing cold

So that they'd be so chilly

They couldn't even scold.

But for the kiddies of my age

Who let this bad bug in,

He recommends the touching

Of peach limb to bare skin.

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