VII.

In this selfish world nothing so quickly touches the popular heart as that sort of Christlikeness which is recognized as politeness to strangers in public places, and as carefulness in helping the weak, and in refraining from adding burdens to those who are hard-pressed by responsibilities. The man or woman who obtains control of the highest quality of influence is the one who has either from childhood been trained to think those thoughts that blossom out into beautiful considerateness, or who has taken himself in hand, and by vigorous self-training has pruned off the growth of selfish heedlessness, and grafted in the gentler graces of the Spirit.

One W. C. T. U. lecturer had been painfully impressed by the fact that baggagemen had to handle such heavy trunks. This was before so many little wheeled contrivances had been placed at their disposal. She accordingly supplied herself with two smalltrunks in place of the one large one, for no other reason than to save the backs of the men. Her kind intention was kept to herself for years, and it went unrecognized at its full value until at length one day she encountered a grumpy old baggageman, who seemed to have a special grudge against any woman with two checks. He was from the first moment very uncivil, and threatened her with a charge for excess of baggage. She said but little, only went quietly along the baggage-room with him, identified the two diminutive parcels, and waited. He looked at them, then at her, colored like one who was ashamed of himself, and said:—

“Be them all?”

“Yes, those are all.”

“Well, what made you make two of ’em?”

“That is my way of helping to lift one big trunk,” she said.

“Your what?”

“My way of helping you to lift one big trunk.”

“It is? Well, I never! You did it to save our backs?”

“Yes: I never wanted any old man or boy to strain himself over a big trunk for me, so I divided mine in two.”

“Well!” ejaculated the grumpy old fellow, who evidently did not know anything more to say. His whole heart had suddenly mellowed, his eyes grew red, and his hands trembled as, taking off his cap, he changed those checks with the air of one who was performing an act of religion.

When he came with the two little bits of metal to the waiting passenger, still carrying his cap in his hand, and when she took them with a “Thank you,” and put them in her purse, he looked timidly into her face as if to see if he could possibly be forgiven. She chose not to make much of the incident, so she did not seem to notice his perturbation,but with a simple “Good day,” left the baggage-room. But she knew very well that that old baggageman would never forget, and would perhaps be kinder to all the big trunks in the future for the sake of those little twin products of her kind intention.

“How I wish I knew just how one ought to behave in going into public places, meetings, and lectures,” said a young woman recently. Others have asked similar questions. I have heard something like this more than once: “Isn’t it dreadful not to know the little things that would prevent folks from looking at you and smiling in such a mean way?”

It is “dreadful,” as well as unnecessary that children should be left to grow up ignorant of any of those things, great or small, which will make it possible for them to enter the schoolroom, the church, the hall, and move about in such a manner as not to be objects of unpleasant observation to those who make politeness a profession.

All that has been said about the opening and closing of doors, and the rules of precedence, are always in full force, and shouldbecome so automatic that they will never have to beremembered. Even at home, and in the small country schoolhouse place of worship they should be observed, if one hopes to always do the “nice way.”

In a small congregation where “everybody knows everybody,” there is a great temptation to fall into very lax manners, and so to cultivate habits that are hard to overcome, and which will cause chagrin by and by to the young man or woman who wants to appear well among strangers. Therefore it is wise to train the children to such deportment in the small church, or cottage meeting that they shall never be in danger of bringing reproach on the home which they have left behind them, by uncouth or disorderly behavior in any public assembly.

Any place of worship should be entered quietly, children and parents together, single file, in such order that there will be nojostling, crowding, or changing of places. There are two ways of seating a family, either of which is good form. In one case the father enters first, followed in order by the mother, the youngest child, and then the others according to age, so that the eldest comes last. At the opening to the pew, or row of chairs, the father turns, standing to face the others, and waits until all have passed in and are seated, when he takes his place at the entrance. This arrangement gives the mother the seat in the farther corner, with the “baby” beside her, while the eldest child is next to the father.

In the other case the eldest child leads, and passes into the farther end of the seat, followed by the other children in such order as to leave the “baby” next to the mother, who sits in the second place from the end, beside her husband.

Sometimes when there is a large family, it is necessary to separate the children by placingthe mother in the midst of them between two restless ones. But whatever order is necessary, let it be so matter-of-course that the coming in and seating shall be in that decorous manner which will impress the children with the sacredness of the service for which they have come.

Teach the child that in entering a seat or row of chairs, good form requires that he shall pass clear in to the farthest vacant place, or that if he has dropped down in the end or middle of the row, and others come to claim seats beyond him, he should always either arise, come out and stand to allow them to pass in, or himself go on to the farthest place. Teach him, never, under any circumstances, to make it necessary for any one to climb over his feet and legs to reach a vacant place. This is one of the most common and worst forms in which bad training in deportment manifests itself.

Also teach your child to refuse to climb overanybody’s feet. Instruct him either to wait for a decent chance to enter that seat or to find another. The ludicrous, not to say unbecoming appearance of a woman who tries to drag herself over the knees of some man who remains immovable in the end of the seat, or who attempts to draw himself up to “make room” for her to pass, is entirely out of harmony with the spirit which should prevail in a place of worship; and the young man coming from home with this habit, which has been formed by climbing over his brothers and sisters, as well as parents and guests, and letting them climb over him, will be left some sad day to wonder why people stop at the entrance to the pew where he sits, wait an instant, look at him so queerly, and then pass on, as if they were not willing to occupy the same seat with him. He may think it is because he is from the country, because he is not stylishly dressed, because they are very“stuck up,” when it is simply because they do not choose to climb over his legs to find a seat.

But your daughter should be so taught that if she must stand in the aisle and wait for some man to get it into his head that he had better move on, or come out so as to allow her to pass, she shall do it kindly and without contempt; for, of course, the poor fellow would do better if he only knew how.

Teach by precept and example that wraps and rubbers should not be put on until after the benediction. If your boy should grow up to the dignity of door-keeper in the house of the Lord, he should know that extra seats should never be removed from the aisles, nor doors be opened, until the last “amen” has been reverently uttered.

I believe that reverence and a proper understanding of the meaning of the sacred hours of worship would be wholesomely inculcated by the practise of sitting downin silence for two or three minutes after the benediction, or long enough for any necessary things to be done, such as the orderly passing out of the congregation might require.

Good form requires that there be no loud talking, visiting, laughing, bustling, or confusion of any sort in the breaking up of a congregation. In fact, instead of a breaking up, it should be a melting away, each for himself seeking to hold in thought, and carry with him all that is possible of the subject which has been considered, avoiding everything which tends to dissipate or to divert the mind from its contemplation.

This is the good form whichnominalChristians require and teach. It is only theform, if you please, at the best dead, by which the worldly professor seems to be trying to make up what may be lacking in real spiritual worship; but that very fact proves it to be more than ordinarily worthy of considerationand adoption by the most spiritual. Upon the same principle that our righteousness must exceed the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees should our courtesy and good breeding exceed that of the most cultivated people of the world.

That behavior which everybody recognizes as becoming the house of the Lord, is that which would most certainly distinguish Jesus if he should come in among us; and the true worshiper who will clothe himself with these gentle, Christlike graces of conduct will be no less truly a Christian, while he will certainly be more quickly recognized as such.

One of the evils which the good-form code is intended to control is that of the money and gift obligations, and the part they play in the association of young people; and in this the burden of preserving the just balance falls upon the young woman, although it is equally necessary that both boys and girls shall be so instructed that they shall each contribute an equal share of that mutual protection which good form is intended to assure.

A sentiment still lingers in the social world—a relic of medieval gallantry—to the effect that a young man must grant anything that a lady asks, even if, to secure it, he must risk his life, or character, or the last “quarter” with which he was to buy his dinner. This asking on her part need not be reallyasking: it may be only suggesting, or consenting to accept. She may onlyexclaim, “Oh, wouldn’t a sleigh-ride be just too lovely for anything!” She may have become naughty enough, without intending any harm, to say this on purpose to make the boy whom she delights to tease begin mentally to count over his small supply of change to see if he can possibly afford the rig. Girls have been known to take a queer sort of delight in leading a young fellow on to spend his last penny, to contract a debt, and go hungry, because he did not bravely refuse to take the hints that were intended to lead him into expenditure such as he could not afford.

No girl who has been properly trained, or who has truth and the elements of womanliness within, will ever resort to any such expedient for her pleasure, but will keep herself from all or any such social entanglements as would lead to anything so base. She will not allow a young man to place her under obligation, even to the extent of car-fare.

Teach your growing daughter that to receive a gift of any sort from any boy or man outside of the immediate circle of intimate, well-known family friends, is dangerous, if not disgraceful. Gift-giving and gift-receiving has come to be a vice. It is often intended as a sly, covert method ofbuyingyou. Gifts are employed for “padlocking the mouth” of those who know something which, if told, might spoil some selfish or criminal plot; and this is by no means confined to Tammany Hall.

Many a girl has kept some dangerous bit of knowledge hidden in her secret thought, and has been compromised by it, simply because she had thoughtlessly accepted some bauble from some man whom she supposed to be a friend until, the ulterior motive being revealed, she discovered that the gift was a bribe, and its possession a confession of dishonor; and then she has found herself in a great strait between her desire to be free and yet to keep the trinket.

I had given a plain talk to a company of schoolgirls; and many questions had been passed up to me, in answering which I had touched some of these points. At the close of the meeting, a few girls lingered to speak to me, each waiting to ask some questions “all for herself alone.” So while the others waited at a safe distance, they came, one by one, to whisper their perplexities in my ear. How my heart was taken captive by those girls, as with shamefacedness, with trembling lips and burning cheeks, they asked me questions which were revelations both of the lack of early home teaching and of the methods by which an evil world had tried to make them wise!

“I have got afraid of a lovely necklace thatmy friendgave me,” said one of them. “I’ve wished a hundred times he hadn’t given it; but what in the world can I do with it?”

“Send it back to him,” I said; “tell himyou know more now than you did when you accepted it, and that you can not keep it.”

“But that would make him furious. I—I—dare not make him angry.”

“Then if he is so dangerous, you certainly dare not have him for a friend. If he is worthy of your friendship, he will understand and respect you all the more for this course. If he is not worthy of your friendship, the sooner you find it out, the better.”

“O—but—,” and the poor girl burst into bitter weeping. Then after a few moments, with a sudden firm resolution expressed in her face, she dried her eyes, looked up at me, clasped my hands as if to hold herself by them, and said, “I’ll do it,—I’ll do it right off,—and if he wants to make it hard for me, he may.I’ve kept honest,—God knows I have,—and he knows it, thoughhehasn’t helped me, as he said he would.”

“He promised to help you?” I asked.

“Yes, he did; he said I could trusthim; that he’d never let a girl be compromised in his company in the world; but if I had done, and gone, as he insisted, lest if I didn’t he would have been provoked, I should have been talked about long ago. I thank you so much. I’ll get rid of it. He may have his old necklace, and keep it to give to his wife.”

“That is right,” I said. “She is the only one who can wear or own it with safety.”

The young man with a good heart, who is well taught in that which is best in good form, will never offer to any lady outside his own immediate family circle any gift but flowers; and those in the most delicate unobtrusive manner, such as will leave her, in receiving them, absolutely free to pass them on to some hospital patient if she chooses. To make her feel, by even a look, that she is under any obligation to wear a flower becausehe sends it, is to rob it of its fragrance and beauty, and make it fit only for the dust heap.

Because of the possibilities which I have suggested, and many others to which they lead, good form requires that a young lady shall make it practically impossible for any man not intimately related to her to spend any money, or force any gifts, upon her.

I should not do my whole duty if I did not make some reference to the “holy kiss,” nor yet contribute what I can to enlighten the mothers who honor me by reading my book concerning the universal but almost unspeakable questions that are always coming into the minds of young people about this sacred form of salute.Youmay know as much about these questions as I do, perhaps more; but there is many a mother who never dreamed that they could infest any brain but her own, and she never dared speak of such a thing.

One girl came to me, her face suffused with blushes, but with a determined expression about her mouth, and said:—

“I am going to ask you something right out plain, because I think you will not laugh. I’ve never dared ask anybody yet, because everybody always laughs in such amean way if you try to find out anything about such things; and I’d like to know how girls are going to know just what to do. Now it’s just this way: I am going with Charley, and he is a nice boy; he wants to do what is right, I know he does, but all the boys have such queer ideas about their ‘rights.’ When he takes me home from church or any place—and I’ve just got so I dread to have him; and sometimes I think I won’t go with another boy as long as I live, because, you see, when I go to say ‘Good night,’ he—he thinks I am so queer because I won’t let him kiss me. But I won’t; I never let anybody but my own folks. I don’t like it. I don’t think it’s nice to do that way unless it’s somebody you’re sure of, and love very much. He says I’m queer; and he gets provoked, and says it’s his right, if he goes with me. Now I want to know—is it?”

“No; it is not,” I said, positively, andperhaps with a little flavor of indignation. “And no properly instructed young man would make such a claim. He is not to blame, of course,” I added more mildly, “for he is young, too; but your instincts are all right; they are true; they are of God who made the kiss, and gave it its own place in common human language. It belongs to the home, and to the purest Christian fellowship between man and man, woman and woman;to society, never.”

“Oh, I am so glad I asked you!” she said; “for I was sure my feeling about it was right. But you know one doesn’t like to offend one’s friend, and one doesn’t like to be called queer. But what does make boys act so,—good boys, too, for Charleyisa good boy?”

I can not bring into the compass of these pages all that followed in our talk, but I would like to give the points of truth to the young mothers for whom I write.

The answer to my young questioner is found in the fact that boys, as well as girls, have been left in ignorance of the principle, as it is in God, of which the kiss is one form of expression, and have been left to catch up its perversion as Satan has undertaken to work it into custom and habit, in the world. Anything which Satan can not wholly spoil, he will counterfeit; or, better yet for his purpose, make so common, if possible, that it shall become worthless, as was the case with silver in the days of Solomon, when it became as the stones of the street, and “was nothing accounted of.”

The kiss, made common, is ridiculous. To be worth anything, it must speak exclusively the language of a pure, changeless affection, such as is represented in the love of God for his children. It belongs more to the parent and child, brother and sister, than to friend and companion. It is, as before intimated, fraternal, not social. As soon asany attempt is made to drag it into society, it becomes disgusting, and is always soon driven out by storms of ridicule. Therefore good form has taken it in hand, and has determined its sphere and office with the most arbitrary insistence. And again the voice of society is but an echo of the voice of truth and purity. Good form has decreed that the kiss, public and indiscriminate, is either an indication of unmitigated rusticity, of shameless immorality, or is to be understood as a joke,—very funny on its first spontaneous utterance, but very flat if repeated. Indulged in private, outside the sacred boundaries of the family, between men and women, it is unpardonable,—unatonable, at least as far as the woman is concerned. Good form requires that every young lady shall be so well trained that she will keep her lips absolutely untouched for her husband,afterthe words have been spoken that make him her husband.

The “betrothal kiss” of the romancer has been brought under suspicion in real life by the fact that betrothal is, in our day, not by any means equivalent to marriage; and the young man who knows the world, and yet sufficiently regards truth and purity to seek them in a wife, would vastly prefer to find his lady friend rigidly determined to keep her lips to herself as long as they two are yet twain, rather than to find them always at even his command.

In the correspondence that has come to me as a result of “Studies in Home and Child Life,” is to be found pitiful evidence of the ignorance in which young people are allowed to grow up, even in a matter which may seem, like this one, trivial and bordering on the ridiculous.

The habit among children of kissing everybody is little short of vicious. Kissing games of every description are considered vulgar, anywhere outside the immediatefamily circle, and even then, because of the trend of habit, they are not good form.

There is great possibility of infection in the kiss. The remains of old teeth, the breath and lips of those who are in any wise diseased, make kissing dangerous. It is well-nigh impossible to find a clean, sweet mouth in these days of human degeneracy; and because of these facts the little children are exposed to every malignant disorder that is afloat, and many that are hidden deep in the foul cisterns of the broken-down body of grandparents, father, mother, and the strangers who straggle in and use their “rights” on the freely rendered lips of the little innocents.

The warnings of science, of which so many make light, are timely, and should be religiously regarded as the authority of God by every one who does not know within himself that he has so faithfully brought his whole being into conformity with every law of lifeand health that he is clean through and through, so that the sensitive lips of his babe can come to his with the same certainty of a blessing in the caress that the bee has when he goes to the white clover of the meadow.

He, and he only, who has brought himself fully into harmony with both the letter and the spirit of Isaiah fifty-eight may freely give his lips to his child, out of which to drink his fill of love. And the home that is brought into this beautiful accord with Christ may be as the garden of the Lord, from which all lips shall, with every caress, gather that word of life that is sweeter than honey.

The time is at hand when the truth must be taken into every lane and walk of life—into king’s palaces, into halls of learning, into banquet rooms, and into homes of refinement and culture, as well as to the haunts of poverty and crime; for the whole earth must be filled with the knowledge of the Lord. No soul must be left to arise in the second resurrection and say, I did not know the way of life, or I would not have been here. There are being prepared in all Christian homes those who shall become the messengers of this gospel of the kingdom to every rank, grade, and condition among men.

This is a consideration for every Christian mother and father. As among the children of Israel every maiden held in her heart the secret hope that she might be the mother of the promised seed of David, so now, howeverhumble and far away from every center of influence your home may be, however meager its furnishing, however much you may seem to lack incentive to noble effort, there should be inspiration in the thought that the little child playing about your feet, whose life and habits you are molding, may be one who shall be called to bear the vessel of the Lord, which is his Word, filled with the holy oil of his Spirit, before some council of earth’s great men, and to answer for the principles by which the world is to receive its final test.

By this I do not mean that he may be called to suffer martyrdom,—although that is possible—but I refer to the fact that he may have the yet grander ministry of standing up to be quizzed and catechized by those learned in the wisdom of the world concerning all that he has been taught of Christian principle, health, disease, and life in the Holy Ghost.

Unquestionably, this work is waiting for some select few of our young people in the not far distant future. Some great council of physicians will wish to know all about what the medical missionary physicians teach, and why; the chemists of the world will wish to know the philosophy of the system of dietetics which will keep the temple of God in repair; and, as is almost always the case among the people of the world, there will be eating and drinking on a large scale connected with all these investigations; and your boy or girl may have to accept the place as guest of honor at some such feast, and carry himselfelegantly, for Christ’s sake and the truth’s; for the banquet, the dinner, the lunch, play an important part in all social affairs to-day, and will until the end of probation.

If a man of means and social standing becomes interested enough in what you know of Christ to hear you out on it, he will makeyou a dinner, invite a few friends, and give you a chance to talk and tell all you know. And if you know how to take advantage of the opportunity—how to avoid giving offense by your manner of speech and habits of conduct; if you know how to charm and win by your personality, you have placed at the command of truth an instrument that can be made effective where, otherwise, no entrance could be gained.

Nowhere is the observance of good form more necessary to one who has work to do in the social world than at the table; for here bad habits may be given such disgusting publicity as to render them a cause of reproach to any good cause; and the obligation is upon every Christian home to see that its children are so instructed that they shall be ready to quickly fill any place to which the work may call, and to stand with dignity for the truth in any place that can be opened to its consideration.

A home of wealth and elaborate appliances is not necessary for such training. A child who is instructed in the proper use of the few simple things that constitute the furnishing of the most humble home, and in those rules of good form that ought to be the natural order in any place, will not be left to carry with him into some important convocation careless table habits, which, under the pressure of a sense of responsibility, would certainly come to the front, in place of the few better ways that he might have picked up and stored away for occasional and special use.

In “acting out just what is in him,” he will not bring himself and that which he represents into ridicule; the opportunity of giving the truth a chance to shine will not be lost, while honest souls are left in the dark; the breath of personal contempt will not obscure the character of Christ, which he is supposed to represent. He will be accepted, first, because it is agreeable to look at him; he will be heard because no good reasonappears why he should not be; and after that, everything will depend on what he reallyisandhasdown under the surface, in the place where he lives alone with God.

“But,” you say, “the Lord, who calls a man to stand in any place, will prevent any disaster to the cause, provided his servant is honest.”

Yes, God will be able to use even his servants’ infirmities after he has “helped” them (Rom. 8:26);i. e., added to them his strength and wisdom. And this which we are considering is all in the nature of helps to infirmity and ignorance. It is in the direct line of legitimate education for the very best Christian service.

The honest-hearted laborer for God, who, with his heart full of love, starts out in his ignorance and awkwardness to “do something” for God and souls, will find “something” to do; but we are now considering a work which every man could not do, and yet which some one must do.

I must believe that the parents who fail, from carelessness or from “lack of ambition”—the holy sort, which is equivalent to consecration and diligence—to give the child the best possible preparation for a good work, will be held responsible for the failure that would have resulted if God had not stepped in with some special helps and prevented it.

Love for God will cover a multitude of social sins; but those who are responsible for the sins will sometime have their reproach to bear. God does not like to have to cover sins; he only does it so as to keep things looking as tidy as possible, until they can be put entirely out of the way. Covet the best gifts for your child, give him the best possible social habits, and then turn him over to God for work, and God will find rare service for him.

There are many teachings as to what constitutes good form at table. It would be impossible for the ordinary mortal so to acquaint himself with them as to become a “social success;” and this is far from our purpose. All we need care about is to see that the habits formed are free from anything offensive. Society is kind to one who is not ambitious for social distinction,—one who has something to say that is worth hearing, who represents a principle, or some new thing the discussion of which may possibly furnish an agreeable diversion,—very much after the manner of the Athenians in Paul’s time; so that even if one does not “know all the ropes,” like one “to the Manor born,” he will be received and heard, provided he does not blunder into the few things which good form has decreed that he must not do under any circumstances.

Among these prohibited things are thrusting out the elbows from the side so as topush his neighbor at table; resting the elbows on the table; and extending the legs under it so as to bring the feet in the way of those belonging to the guest opposite. If any guest does these things, he may be sure that there will be at least three people over whom the best and truest things that he can say will have very little influence.

The eyes of those who chance to glance his way will be seriously offended and quickly averted if he should take up even a half-slice of bread and bite into it. Good form says that bread must be broken off in small bits, just when needed, not spread, but with a small lump of butter placed upon it (provided one uses butter), conveyed to the mouth with the thumb and finger of the left hand. You will be permitted to bite the piece in two once if you wish, but no more; that is, it must not be more than two “mouthfuls” to begin with. Under no circumstances must anything, such as fruit-pits,etc., be ejected from the mouth into a spoon, fork, or plate, but taken from the lips with the left thumb and finger, and placed on the plate. Neither bread nor any refuse is ever to be placed on the cloth, but on the side-dishes provided; or, lacking these, on the one plate that is being used.

Food should not be conveyed to the mouth with a knife, but with a fork, always excepting soup, and such sauce as must be handled with a spoon.

Do teach your children not to thrust the point of the spoon into the mouth, but to take its contents with the lips from that part nearest the handle, without the least possible sound. Teach them not to lift the spoon so full that it will drip; and as your boy grows up into mustaches he will need to learn how to take soup and sauce without defiling those manly ornaments, or else to let soup alone at the banquet. But you can teach him fromchildhood to handle his napkin so deftly as to keep his lips clean, even after they have put on their thatch.

As to the napkin, by all means habituate the child to its use, even if it be nothing more than a square of old calico or flour-sacking, hemmed, or evenunhemmed. He can learn on a piece of his mother’s old apron how to use the fine linen of the king’s banquet-hall, and do it so daintily that the apron and the mother who wore it down to napkin dimensions will confer honor on the king’s damask.

O my sister mothers in the many humbler homes of those who love our Lord and are looking for his appearing, has it seemed to you that any of these things that I have written are trivial or burdensome, wholly outside the sphere of life in which you and your children will ever move? Are you so overburdened with many cares that you feel, when the food is cooked and placed “anyhow,”that your part is done; that the family may come “just as it happens” and eat, simply to satisfy hunger, as do the cattle in the field? Have you thought that if you could but get through the day anyhow, your duty was done? Still you must meet thecertaintiesthat are before you. Your children must bear a part in the closing scenes of the world’s history,—ask yourself if there is not something for you in these things that I have written. They have been written with a most solemn sense of their importance.They are a part of the gospel message; they concern the work which some one now in training must do before the Lord can come.

The knowledge of how to prepare and serve a hygienic dinner, as well as how to select suitable portions and decline others, at a worldly banquet, may be absolutely necessary to the winning of souls in the last call to the world.

Nothing is of more importance to success in any work than conversation. How to converse so as to win and not wound, to both give and gain, is an accomplishment which has very nearly passed into the list of lost arts. And here again good form comes to the rescue, and by its placid but arbitrary code offsets that lawlessness into which even good men have fallen in excess of zeal.

Sixty years ago the rule for children was that they “should be seen and not heard,” so that a child’s talk was almost unknown in a company of adults. This was so wrong that it has reacted in a sort of wild freedom upon the part of the children which, uncorrected, develops into the adult chatter-box and gossip, than which no character is more to be dreaded.

Bad habits of conversation are very hard to break, and since it is by the “calves (orsacrifice) of the lips” that we are especially to honor God, by “words fitly spoken,” and that we are to “give a reason for the faith that is in us,” it is not of small importance that we should know how to talk. Begin with the baby, therefore, so that the child shall grow up into correct forms of speech, and into that regard of all good form which shall not only give him at once the ears, but the hearts of the people.

I scarcely need to say, Do not use slang, for this is universally understood as out of harmony with Christian practise; but yet it may not be amiss to say that even the world of society, whose laws of behavior we are considering, would ostracize one whose language was punctuated with much slang. Anoathwould be more tolerable to so-called “polite ears.”

Money, or prominence, will for a time give a man social passport in spite of all manner of ill-breeding. He canbuya place and recognition even from those who despisehim; but this is not the sort of recognition in the interests of which I am writing. I am pleading for that which shall gain a hearing for the custodians of a truth without which no man can live, and for the reception of which few are as yet prepared. It is for the sake of the honest souls who are in the darkness of the world’s “culture” that I am pleading. They have a right to know all that the Spirit of God has been sending to his people concerning that all-round righteousness that makes up the sum of thatwhole gospel for the whole man, which is included in an uttermost salvation; and some tongues must be so cultured as to talk the way open for truth just as effectually as awagcan do it forfun, a singer open it for a song, or money open it for blind boorishness; and the quiet mother in the home must have a large share of this work.

To this end teach the child that he mustlistenwhen any other child is speaking untilhe has finished; never to interrupt, or, if it is necessary to give some information, to say, for instance: “I beg your pardon, but,—” or, “Willie, if you please, was it not on Wednesday instead of Tuesday?” Any interruption simply for getting in a word should never be indulged. Teach him to wait patiently for a fair chance to speak, no matter how great may be the temptation to “thrust in his oar.” This should not be construed to include those playful interruptions in the merry tangle of words which all children delight in “once in a while,” “just for fun.”

Teach him to avoid all abrupt forms of expression, such as “Give me that!” “Don’t!” “Stop!” “Quit!” “Get out!” “You sha’n’t!” “I won’t!” If he never hears such phrases at home, he will not be apt to catch them; but if he should, a few little experiences such as he would certainly meet as a man upon entering the socialworld, with the adult equivalents of these words, would teach him that they were very unprofitable. Let him find out that he can get nothing in that way, and he will begin intuitively to cultivate his tongue to acceptable speech.

It is not good form to talk at table about the physical organs, or the processes of digestion, excepting when some special occasion should require, and then it should be by the most delicate allusions. The mention of any form of disease, or of death, would be considered exceeding bad form; also any malodorous topic of any sort. Table conversation should be such as to inspire every good feeling; appetizing, promotive of good fellowship, comradeship, faith, hope; optimistic in every sense of the word. The children should be taught that no complaints or grievances are to be mentioned there, because such things always have a tendency to destroy relish for food,and retard the process of digestion. A chronic grumbler at the table will threaten a whole family with dyspepsia. “Let your conversation be seasoned with salt,” is a good injunction; and if the Scriptural rule is followed at home, the child will grow up capable of taking the gospel message anywhere without personal offense, even if he must go into many untried places. Neither will it be necessary for him to “premeditate; but whatsoever shall be given ... in that hour” (Mark 13:11) he shall be able to speak.

I have confined myself to theForm,—a form which, though good, is dead,—theletterof the social code, which is at best a lifeless thing, a burden, a barrier, often a cause of heart-burning jealousy, wrath, anger, adulteries, and every sort of contention. There is nothing so cruel as a quarrel carried on under the cloak of good form. The bitter sarcasm of a war waged with polite wordsand phrases, the tones keyed to simulate tenderness and love, as society requires, but breathing of hate, makes a combination in which Satan is especially manifested as in nothing else in the world. Truly the letter killeth. The social code is all right, but, lacking the Spirit, it is a rotting carcass. However, since it was modeled after Christ, it requires but that the Holy Spirit shall breathe life into it to make it an instrument for the accomplishment of necessary work in carrying the gospel to every creature.

It is manifestly better to be filled with the Spirit than covered with all the forms in the world; butgood form, vitalized, will make any messenger so ready for any good work in any field that he need take no thought how or what he shall speak, for it shall be given him the same hour. “For it is not ye that speak, but the Spirit of your Father which speaketh in you.” Matt. 10:20.

Even good form may be made too burdensome to be endured, and it is the privilege of conscientious Christian society to strike the happy medium between this oppressive formalism and the true kindly life which can cause even the violation of all form to be almost unnoticed.

It is better to have the good life without the good form than to have the good form without the good life; but it is our privilege, and duty as well, to have both.

In treating upon this subject it must not be forgotten that there are forms and forms. Each city aims to be a center of social good form for itself and its suburbs. Each has its own little peculiarities, as, for instance, its own manner of using visiting cards,—the size, shape, turning of the corners this way and that as signals; all of which differ according to the decree of the social leadersof a great center of social influence; and yet the manners of one city would never be considered blunders in any other, however much they might differ, provided they were sincere, easy, adjustable, and dainty. It is not, however, considered elegant to ignore the customs of the people among whom you may visit. That which your hostess considers good form should be good to you while you are her guest, unless some principle is violated. Good form requires concessions to even ignorance without any of the “I-am-more-cultured-than-you” air.

Because of this diversity of forms it will be manifestly impossible for any one to know just what would be considered good form in every detail the world over. As in everything else which involves principles and their application, it is true in this, that if you know and appreciate the opportunities, and keep your eyes open, you will be able to avoid serious mistakes.

In reply to many questions of a miscellaneous character I bind a little sheaf of gleanings with which to conclude this subject of good form.

“When a gentleman friend of the family calls, is it proper for the wife to go on with her work, and not go to the parlor at all to welcome him, but to leave him to be entirely entertained by the husband? Or is it necessary that she go to the parlor, and remain during his visit? Would it be proper for her to leave the room during his visit without asking to be excused?”

“When a gentleman friend of the family calls, is it proper for the wife to go on with her work, and not go to the parlor at all to welcome him, but to leave him to be entirely entertained by the husband? Or is it necessary that she go to the parlor, and remain during his visit? Would it be proper for her to leave the room during his visit without asking to be excused?”

First of all I wish to drop the remark that the word “gentleman” is not good form, as commonly used. It has been so perverted and misused that it does not in these days even mean that for which it was first intended,—a man of especially good manners. There are “gentlemen ofthe cloth,” “gentlemen ofthe turf,” “the gentleman ofthe road,” “the gentlemanabout town;”—all slang phrases, which have brought the wordinto disrepute. The compound word “gentleman” was an effort upon the part of human society to make distinctions which the Creator had refused to recognize. He called man “MAN.” One can not bemorethan a man. Furthermore, the appropriation of the word “gentleman” by the “aristocracy,” the fact that in the social world there is a “gentleman class,” has made the expression inappropriate for universal application. Instead of speaking of your gentleman friend, speak of your man friend.

Therefore I will say in reply to my questioner that when a man friend calls upon the husband and family it is proper for the wife to occupy herself with some work kept at hand for such occasions; or, if necessary, after she has greeted him, and passed a few minutes pleasantly in conversation, she may excuse herself, and go to her household duties; but if she can do so, it is very cordial, and in every respect good form, forher to take her work, and with some graceful word of apology, such as any man would appreciate, go on keeping her hands busy, while she assists in entertaining her husband’s friend. In leaving the room she should ask to be excused, unless the men are so occupied as to make it an interruption to do so. If she does not expect to return, however, she should make her adieus, and invite him to call again, before leaving the parlor.

“Is it admissible for a lady to keep on with her sewing or mending while she is entertaining a caller? Can she take some kind of fancy work with her while she is visiting a friend or neighbor?”

“Is it admissible for a lady to keep on with her sewing or mending while she is entertaining a caller? Can she take some kind of fancy work with her while she is visiting a friend or neighbor?”

It is perfectly admissible for a woman to keep on with her sewing and mending while she is entertaining a caller, provided she speaks of it in some simple, graceful fashion. This is a much better means of manifesting your appreciation of a caller than to layaside necessary work and take some fancy article. You can even take your mending with you while visiting a friend and neighbor, and it will be appreciated more than fancy work. In many localities fancy work, especially for married women, has fallen into disfavor among even society people. There is a social cult which makes much of everything practical. It is a fad;—here to-day, gone to-morrow; but it has prepared the way for even a stocking-bag in the boudoir of some social queen: the stockings, of course, are supposed to be of the very finest texture and quality, and the darning in itself to be a piece of finest lace work; and yet under the cover of this supposition one can take a real serviceable hose and do good, practical work upon it.

“Should the hostess offer to take the hat of a gentleman caller? and where should she place it?”

“Should the hostess offer to take the hat of a gentleman caller? and where should she place it?”

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