Scene.—The Vicarage kitchen, according to plan.
Time.—Evening.
(As curtain risesCooktakes salmon to larderR. U. E.and returns to table downL.with fruit salad;Gandyenters with butler's tray; crosses toR.of table;Keziahenters and takes ham to larder and returns to dresser.)
(As curtain risesCooktakes salmon to larderR. U. E.and returns to table downL.with fruit salad;Gandyenters with butler's tray; crosses toR.of table;Keziahenters and takes ham to larder and returns to dresser.)
Gan.Sweets, Cook!
Car.Quite ready! (clearing tray of chicken dish and plates) They seem to have taken very kindly to the stuffed fowls.
Gan.Oh, horful! There's 'ardly a gizzard left for hus to make a supper of. Dorvaston's the worst.
Kez.(at dresser) Oh, and master too. (takes plates) I thought he'd 'ave bust 'imself—I did reelly. (crosses to top ofGandy,places plates on butler's tray)
Gan.They told me to look sharp. It's wonderful they don't want a rest. (Carolineholds up dish of fruit salad;Gandytakes dish in both hands admiringly; then letsCookput it on tray) So that's it, Cook? It looks lovely.
Car.Glad you like it.
Gan.(takes up tray) It ain't no goodmelikin' it, I shan't get none—they'll see to that. (moves toR.Keziahmoves to follow him) Keziah, don't you come. You'll never wait at table—your mind can't rise above 'anding bread when nobody wants it. (she returns to top of table; he carries tray to doorR.,then pauses) Itdolook lovely. Let's pray to 'eaven they don't eat it all. (he goes out;Cookcrosses to larder with chicken and back round top down toL.)
Kez.(at top of table clearing) Gandy's a bit narked to-night. (rubs knives with a piece of rag) When there's a bit of anythink extra for supper, 'e does grodge it to 'em, don't 'e? Now with me it's, as you may say, different. If any trifle takes me fancy—such as a breast of chicken—or what not—while it's bein' carved I simply turn me 'ead away.
Car.(L.of table arranging plates) Take these plates into the scullery.
Kez.Yus, Cook. Not as it always answers. (Cookcrosses to larder with salad dish) I wes 'anding that sauce stuff—I forgot what you call it, Cook——
Car.Mayonnaise. (at larder; crosses back toL.of table and begins to put radishes in bowl into glass dish)
Kez.Yus, Cook, that was it—in a butter boat. Well, I was 'anding it to old Madam as the Captain cut himself off—oh, such a slice of 'am—I dote on 'am, I do, reelly. Well, I had to shet me eyes, and just then Gandy hustled me with 'is elbow, and me wrist turned, as you may say, sudden like, and I upset the myanneasy on to milady's gown. She did talk to me a treat. (takes fish plates to scullery;Gandyenters hastily, standsC.)
Gan.Now then, Keziah, one claret glass short. That's your silly fault. (Keziahcrosses to dresser, getsglass and hands it toGandyR.;then returns to dresser for plates)
Car.Do they seem to fancy the fruit salad?
Gan.Fancy it! Dorvaston and the governor are both in their second 'elpings. It's 'ideous to see 'em—'ideaous!
Kez.(at dresser) I shall be awful late with me washin' up. (crosses to window with plates) I shall miss a good 'alf of it.
Car.(crosses to larder for cheese) I'll wash the glass and silver for you.
Kez.(crosses to top of table and takes chicken plates to scullery, leaving four forks on table) That's wonderful good of you, Cook; it is reelly. D'you know I'm in two minds which 'at to wear.
Car.Are you? (crosses from larder to tableR.with cheese, places it at top of table)
Kez.(fingering top of chairL.) The straw's tasty; but the large 'at with the flowers is more dressy like.
Car.I wouldn't wear the large one with the flowers. (returning to larder for butter)
Kez.Wouldn't you now?
Car.(stops on her way to larderC.) It might have been made in the Old Kent Road.
Kez.Might it, now? Is that in London? (sitsL.)
Car.Yes. (crosses toR.of table with butter, and stands at the head)
Kez.At the shop where I bought it, they told me as it was copied from a London pattern, so I dessay you're right, Cook. Well, I could wear the straw, but—(Gandyenters with tray—Keziahrises, crosses to window ledge for cheese plates)
Gan.(speaking sadly) Now then, cheese—cheese. (Cookis at top of table clearing butler's tray)
Car.I see they've finished the fruit salad.
Gan.Finished it! Of course they've finished it. It's 'eartbreakin'. Put the dish away, and let me try to forget it.
Kez.(comes down to tableL.) 'As the Governor still bin goin' it? (putting cheese plates on butler's tray;Cookplaces cheese and butter on butler's tray)
Gan.I should think 'e 'ad. Ah! and it will pay 'im out. This night's work'll lie 'eavy on 'im. I know 'is constitooshon. Ready, Cook! A bit of that cheddar all round ought to just settle 'em. (Cooktakes fruit dish to larder,Keziahcrosses to top of table, and puts radishes on butler's tray.Gandyhurries out.)
Kez.As I was sayin', Cook, (calls) as I was sayin'I could wear the straw, only I'm wishful to look me best, cos the young gentleman as I'm walkin' out with at present'll be there.
Car.Oh! (crosses toR.of table, takes cloth out of drawer, and back toC.)
Kez.We shan't be able to sit together, cos of old Madam—"I don't allow no followers," she said when I come after the place—"I don't allow no followers"—You know 'er sniffy way? (Keziahtakes plates to scullery, leaving spoons on table)
Car.(puts cloth on table, crosses to mantel and gets matches off bracket) What does your young gentleman do when he isn't following?
Kez.Didn't I tell you? (comes back to table) 'E's at Bilkins, (sits on tableR.) the pork butchers. You remember that pound of sausages that came from me aunt at Cambridge? (Cooknods) That was 'im—'e began with sausages—(Cooklights gas over stoveL.) next comes along a photograph frame, last weekpig's feetand ashell pin-cushion. 'E's free 'anded, as you may say.
Car.He must be. (crosses toR.)
Kez.Won't you be feelin' lonesome (Cooklights gasR.and leaves match-box on dresser) this evenin'? All of us out—and Gandy goin' to see 'is mother. She lives two stations down the line and used to take in washin'.
Car.No, I don't fancy I shall feel lonesome.
Kez.I'll (jumps off table, comes round and sits on chairR.and gets book out of drawer) lend you my girl's "Special Monthly Journal." There's a mostinterestin'tale in this number. It's in 'ere. There's an'urland 'e goes ridin' through a wood and 'e's all dressed up in armour, you know—just like the dish covers. (Cookcrosses to window, gets knife basket and comes down to top of table) I say, Cook, when you lived in London didyouever see any 'urls?
Car.One or two.
Kez.And do they dress themselves up like that?
Car.Not as a rule. (cleaning spoons and putting them in basket)
Kez.My word, I wish I'd bin born a toff! They must find life come easy.
Car.(at top of table) Not always. Trouble is like a postman—sooner or later he knocks ateverydoor.
Kez.Why, they can eat and drink just what they like.
Car.No. After a time their doctors have a word to say.
Kez.And they can wear just what suits 'em.
Car.They wear whatever their dressmakers and tailors tell them to wear—whether it suits them or not. It generally doesn't.
Kez.Any'ow they don't 'ave to pay for their breakages.
Car.In the long run they pay just as heavily for their breakages as you do for yours. (crosses and replaces basket on window ledge and comes downL.)
Kez.My word! Think of that now! (Gandyenters and puts down tray on table;Keziahjumps up and crosses to head of table)
Gan.That's over. (sits) I'm fair sick of it. The governor is rushin' on to 'is fate. (Cooktakes off the bread, cheese and glasses and puts them on lower end of table;Keziahtakes up cheese plates, knives, butter and radish dish, leaving the syphon, decanter of whiskey and one glass till the last) Took radishes with 'is cheese. (Keziahlooks horrified) Keziah, I have brought out the Captain's whiskey and syphon—I shan't be 'ere to-night, so you must take 'em up to 'is room the last thing, d'ye 'ear?
Kez.I 'ear. (she takes whiskey, soda, and glass to window ledge)
Gan.I've done most of the clearin' away. (Cooktakes cheese to larder)
Car.(toKeziah) Bring me the bowl, Keziah, and then you can put your things on. (Keziahcrosses to table, takes butler's tray and places it against wall above meat jack, then goes to scullery for bowl. ToGandy,coming out of larder and crossingL.) Will you have your supper now? (Keziahbrings hot water to top of table; then takes glass radish dish and butter dish into larder)
Gan.No, thank'ee. They've put me off it. I shall try to pick a bit by and bye when I get to mother's.
Car.(toGandy) Is your mother a good cook? (L.of table)
Gan.No, she ain't; far from it! 'Er jints are flabby, and 'er pie crust is h'ashfelt.
Kez.(coming out of larder) Is there anything more, Cook, as I can do?
Car.No, thanks. (Cooktakes plates into scullery)
Kez.Good night, Gandy. (crosses to doorR.)
Gan.Not so much Gandy!Mr.Gandy would do you more credit, and might lead to a cap ribbon at Christmas. (Cookcomes out of scullery, takes large radishbowl and re-enters scullery) It's 'ard on a respectable man to mix with such riff-raff.
Kez.Riff-raff your own self. Why, for two pins—I'd——
Car.Keziah! (at scullery door, crossesL.again)
Kez.(meekly) Yus, Cook! (C.)
Car.Go and dress.
Kez.Yus, Cook; I'm sorry as I spoke hasty before you.
Car.Very well, go along; you'll be late.
Kez.Yus, Cook. (she goes quietly to doorR.,then turns and speaks very respectfully) Good-night, Mr. Gandy. (she then goes out)
Gan.(Cooktakes bread to larder top way and returns round topL.) That's the worst of domestic service—one 'as to put up with the cheek of h'underlings. It ain't a fit life for such as h'us—we're a good many cuts above it. (he rises) Well, Cook, I shall 'ave to change my coat, so if you will excuse me——
Car.Certainly! (washing glasses)
Gan.But before I go to-night, I should like 'alf a word with you about a little matter which 'as bin floatin' on the top of my mind for this month past.
Car.Won't it keep?
Gan.No, it won't—not if you was to put it in the refrigerator.
Car.People change their minds sometimes.
Gan.I shan't change my mind.
Car.Well, change your coat, or you'll miss your train. (he moves towards the door, as he does soLucyenters dressed for the evening, but with cloak on)
Lucy.Cook! I've come for my orchid. (crosses toC.)
Car.I'll fetch it. (crosses to window;Lucycrosses to chairR.of table)
Lucy.Gandy, I thought you were going to see your mother to-night.
Gan.So I h'am, miss—I am just h'off. (goes outR.)
Car.Here it is. (crosses downR.ofLucy)
Lucy.Thanks!
Car.Shall I pin it in?
Lucy.Thanks! (Cookarranges the flower)
Car.What time to-morrow do you take the plunge?
Lucy.Oh, quite early in the morning, before anybody is up. Mr. Thorsby will fetch me.
Car.I see.
Lucy.Why did you want to know?
Car.So that I should think of you and wish you luck.
Lucy.I don't see what reason you have to wish me luck.
Car.You're a nice child—and I was always fond of children.
(Dorvastoncomes in—he is in evening dress with light overcoat and carries a small music-case—he doesn't seeLucyat first.)
(Dorvastoncomes in—he is in evening dress with light overcoat and carries a small music-case—he doesn't seeLucyat first.)
Dor.I say, Cook, I—ah! (Cookbacks and he seesLucy) I—hulloa, Lucy!
Lucy.Well, Jack, what doyouwant? (Cookretires round top of table downL.and resumes her glass-washing)
Dor.I—ah—I—wanted—to—er—(seeing orchid) Of course, I came to fetch your orchid.
Lucy.You needn't have troubled. (looks atCook) I fetched it myself.
Dor.Didn't know, don't you know!
Lucy.Have you got my music?
Dor.Got it here. (showing music-case)
Lucy.That's right. Is Auntie ready?
Dor.Fancy she's waiting in the hall. (crosses toR.)
Lucy.Oh! then I must go. (crosses toR.) Good-night, Cook. Thanks for taking care of the flower.
Car.Not at all! Good-night!
Lucy.(turning at door) Are you coming, Jack?
Dor.In a second. Thought perhaps Cook would give me a light. (takes out cigar case)
Lucy.Very well, we'll go on. You can catch us up. You needn't hurry. (she goes out doorR.)
Dor.(holding cigar) May I?
Car.There's a box of matches on the dresser. (Dorvastoncrosses to dresser for matches, lights his cigar. She washes glass and silver)
Dor.(crosses to top of table) This is a devilish snug kitchen. D'you know, I'd much rather stop here—and watch you doing—whatever you are doing—whatareyou doing?
Car.Washing up. (washing glasses)
Dor.Are you, by George? Washing up, now. How is that generally done? (at top of table)
Car.With water and a tea-cloth.
Dor.It must be an awful fag. When it comes to work, seems to me you women beat us hollow.
Car.You have your drill—and parade—and fighting, too, in these days.
Dor.Fighting ain't work—it's fun.
Car.Each to his trade! I prefer cooking and washing up. (they both laugh) Oughtn't you to go?
Dor.Yes, I'll get along. I say, you haven't forgotten—nine-thirty?
Car.No, but I was hoping you had.
Dor.Upon my soul, what I want to say won't take ten minutes. Hulloa! cigar's out. I'll just light up again, you don't mind? (he goes to dresser for matches.Pillengerlooks in at window)
Pil.Cook!
Car.Yes!
Pil.I just wished to say one word. (he comes in at the back door) I wish (closes door, takes off hat, and seesDorvaston,who has turned at the moment) Tut!—dear me!
Dor.Hulloa, sir!
Pil.I imagined you had accompanied my sister and Lucy. They have started.
Dor.Came in here to fetch the orchid!
Pil.What orchid?
Dor.The orchid—and I hadn't a match—and Lucy had got it already, don't you see—so Cook gave me one—and—that's how it was, don't you know.
Pil.Cook gave you an orchid?
Dor.No, a light.
Pil.Then why allude to an orchid? However, it is quite immaterial.
Car.You said you wished to speak to me, Mr. Pillenger!
Pil.(coming a little to her) I desired to express my approval—my warm approval—of the excellent meal you gave us this evening; but I fear I have not sufficient time to do justice to the theme.
Dor.(R.) By George, sir, you did justice to the fruit salad?
Pil.Very possibly, Captain Dorvaston, but I may remind you that your own appreciation assumed a very practical form.
Car.Won't you both be rather late? (they both look at each other and then go up to the door)
Pil.(turning at garden door) I fear we shall. I may have to return early—I am conscious of the approach of a headache.
Dor.Deuced odd thing! I feel a bit off colour—doubt if I shall manage to see it through.
Pil.Tut, tut! you look singularly well! Merely fancy, I'm sure. (opens door) Good-night, Cook!
Car.Good-night! (Pillengergoes out at back door)
Dor.(following) Good-night, Cook!
Car.Good-night!
Dor.(turning at door and speaking in whisper) Nine-thirty! (Cooknods—he goes out. After a secondMr. Pillengerputs his head in at the window)
Pil.Cook! you remember our appointment? Nine o'clock.
Dor.(in the distance) Are you coming, sir?
Pil.(toDorvaston) Yes—in one moment! (toCook) Nine! you quite understand?
Car.(calmly) Quite!
Pil.Thank you. I thought I would just recall it to your memory. I'm coming, Captain Dorvaston! (he goes;Cookcontinues her work;GandyentersR.,is crossing to door, stops, comes to top of tableR.;he has changed his dress and carries a small hand-bag; he puts this down and his hat, and hastily consults silver watch)
Gan.Cook, I'm a leetle pressed for time—but I find I've just got three minutes and a 'alf to waste.
Car.Well, what is it? (washing glassesL.)
Gan.I'll come straight to the pint. I've saved money—I'm sick of service, and I want to settle down. I know of a eatin' 'ouse to be 'ad—good situation—terms moderate—part cash down—remainder in monthly instalments. Will you marry me and take over the kitchen department?
Car.No.
Gan.(Cookcrosses to oven and kneels and opens it) Don't be 'asty now. We should crush all local competition. Think it over careful. (looks at his watch again) I can give you a minute and a 'alf. I'm a staid respectable man, and I want a staid respectable wife.
Car.(kneeling at ovenL.,looks over her shoulder) And do I strike you in that light?
Gan.You do.
Car.That is a very unexpected compliment. (rises, places cake on tableL.)
Gan.(comes down to chairR.) Yes, Cook; since I met you I've come to see there's things in life as I didn't suspect. (Cookstops work) You've showed me the superiority of braized beef over biled beef—you've rewealed the difference between 'aricot and 'ash—before you came apple fritters was to me a mere flash in the frying pan. (suddenly stopping and looking athis watch) Now I wouldn't 'urry you, but time's on the move. 'Ow's it to be?
Car.It's to be no!
Gan.Oh!
Car.I wish the eating-house every success, but I don't intend to marry.
Gan.But couldn't you——?
Car.No, I couldn't. Don't miss your train.
Gan.Well, (takes up bag and hat) it's a disappointment, but if you say it's to be like that——
Car.It's to be like that. (she resumes her work) Good-night.
Gan.(goes slowly up stage, pauses, turns—is about to speak, thinks better of it) Good-night. (he goes out at back door.Cooktakes cake to larder, and then crosses back to window, brings glass tray down to top of table and puts glasses on it.Keziahrushes in after a slight pause, hastily dressed for walking, with large hat trimmed lavishly with flowers)
Kez.Ready at last, Cook! I'm always a cow's tail, ain't I? Thought I should never get into this dress. Miss Fletcher sent it 'ome so tight, I can't 'ardly bear myself, and no 'ook and eye at the neck, if you please. (crosses toCook) Lend us a pin, there's a dear! (Cookgives her one, and stands watching her) Thanks! (crosses to looking-glass on wall,R. U. E.,and fastens her collar with pin.) I'll talk to me lady when I pay 'er. (turning seesCooklooking at her) You're looking at the 'at? Yus, I 'ad to wear the big one, the straw didn't go with this dress, (comesC.) It made me look almost common like. Well, I must step it. (goes up)
Car.You've forgotten your gloves.
Kez.Got 'em in my pocket—can't put 'em on yet—me hands is too 'ot. Am I all right at the back? This skirt seems to kick up. (turns her back toCook,and kicks her foot up at the same time at back, looking over shoulder)
Car.Not more than it does in front.
Kez.That's a blessing. (opens door) 'Arry war! (she goes, leaving back door open.Cooktakes glass tray to window, crosses and shuts doorR.;crosses and takes bowl to scullery, pours out water and wipes her hands, gets plate basket (chimes strike three-quarters) comes downL.,puts spoons in basket, crosses toR.and exit. There is a slight pause, thenCraylllooks in at window, he taps twice, then whistles softly—there is another slight pause, thenCookcomes back and crossesC.)
Cray.(at window) Oh! there you are! Anybody about?
Car.No. Come in, the door is open. (crosses toL.,he enters)
Cray.Well, I've got here. (he stands leaning against the door)
Car.So I see.
Cray.There's a beast of a dog somewhere on the premises, ain't there?
Car.Yes, but he's chained up, and he's rather particular about his food; you needn't be nervous. (Crayllslams door and crossesC.)
Cray.(looking round kitchen) And these are your quarters, are they? You've brought your pigs to a nice market. (she is silent) Well?
Car.Well?
Cray.Why don't you speak?
Car.I was waiting for you to begin.
Cray.Don't you feel the damned degradation of your position?
Car.No. You seem to forget I was your wife for nearly ten years.
Cray.Ah! Have you any whiskey?
Car.No!
Cray.(seeing decanter on slab in window) Why, what's this?
Car.That belongs to Captain Dorvaston.
Cray.That's all right. (crosses to window) He knows me. He won't mind. (CooksitsL. Craystands at window with whiskey, syphon, and glass in hand) A cook! That's what beats me. Why a cook?
Car.It was an experiment.
Cray.If you were broke (comes to top of table and pours out whiskey) why didn't you try the stage? The divorce would have given you a leg up.
Car.How did you find me out?
Cray.Accident! (takes a drink and crossesC.) I came down here because I thought your pal the Duchess might give me the straight tip as to your whereabouts. My spottin' you was a bit of luck.
Car.You must be very hard up?
Cray.Oh! it's bin a rotten season! Nothin's paid me. Had some big stable information for Doncaster week—that didn't pay me, couldn't even win place money. Tried the Stock Exchange; damned if that paid me—jumped in at the top of the market, crawled out at the bottom. (crosses to chair) Then there was the trial——
Car.Ah! I suppose the law expenses were heavy?
Cray.Oh, devilish!
Car.Bribing the servants must have been rather a serious item!
Cray.What d'ye mean?
Car.That was a most elaborate story my maid Thompson told the jury—Thompson was not very intelligent. It must have involved a great deal of careful rehearsal.
Cray.We needn't go into all that. (puts glass on table)
Car.You are astonished to find me here. What did you think I should do?
Cray.Thought you were with Carruthers.
Car.No, you didn't. (he looks at her, tries to brave it out, but his eyes fall) You had been dangling your title before the eyes of a certain rich widow, but I see by the papers (he pours out whiskey) she has slipped through those shaking fingers of yours and is going to marry another man.
Cray.(taking up glass nervously and drinking) Yes; women are damned shifty.
Car.Your notion didn't come off, but that was why you trumped up your case against me, knowing it was all a lie.
Cray.You didn't deny it?
Car.No.
Cray.Neither did he?
Car.No. Bob is a good fellow—and a good friend. He helped me.
Cray.Helped you to cheat the law!
Car.Helped me to cheat the law that ties a woman to such a man as you.
Cray.That was the game, was it?
Car.Why did you want to find me out? By the way, (crosses to window and brings down "Standard" to top of table), has that anything to do with it?
Cray.How do you mean?
Car.(watching him closely) To-day's "Standard." There's a little advertisement in the agony column.
Cray.I—can't see—light's bad. Read it out!
Car.(crosses to gasL.,takes paper and reads) "Will Lady Huntworth communicate with Messrs. Brampton and Stokes, Capel-Court, on a matter of considerable importance?" (crosses toL.of table and throws paper down) Did you know of that?
Cray.No. Who are Brampton and Stokes? Never heard of 'em.
Car.(leaning over table with one hand on it for support) Then why have you been hunting me up? I hadn't a shilling—you saw to that.
Cray.(after slight pause, makes to touch her hand) I wanted you to—come—back.
Car.What?
Cray.I'm willin'—to bury the past. (Cooklooks at him) Well, I tell you, I want to bury the past.
Car.(pause, she puts hand on chair) Before we talk of burying the past, I should like you to look down into the still open grave——
Cray.(shudders) Filthy way of talkin'!
Car.(sitsL.) When I married you I was thirty—quite old enough to know better! but I'd spent my youth in nursing my father. When he died I inherited a fortune—and my freedom—without much notion what to do with either. That was a bad year for me. I lost my father and I found you. (Crayllscowls at her) I don't know what crime I had committed that fate should sentence me to ten years' penal servitude. But my father had wished it and so did your mother. You had been a little wild, they said, but all you needed was gentle guidance. I believed them, but my gentle guidance that was to work miracles generally took the shape of helping you up to bed in the small hours, when the difficulty of adjusting the latchkey had been overcome.
Cray.Look here, it 'pears to me you're trying to be 'fensive.
Car.That was my life for ten years. The dregs of your fortune and the whole of mine gradually melted away—in cards—(he pours out drink) racing, drink—and a few extra establishments.
Cray.You never grumbled about th' extra 'stablishments.
Car.(rises in disgust) Oh, no! I only mention them now—to fill up the picture of our home life. With regard to your gambling and drunkenness I was sorry for myself, but in the matter of your infidelities I was sorry for the other women.
Cray.Your language's 'fensive—damned 'fensive!
Car.At the finish we had a pleasant little chat; you hadn't a sixpence left—or a friend either—except Bob Carruthers. He had lent you more than he could afford and he was sick of it. You tried to get me to ask him again. I wouldn't. It was on that occasion you reached up and tried to strike me. (touches him on shoulder) Do you remember?
Cray.Momentary irritation—regretted it d'rectly!
Car.(returns paper to window) We parted that night. The place was sold up, and I didn't hear of you again till you commenced proceedings for our divorce. (he moves chair and faces her) Then I went to Bob. He offered to see me through—engage counsel and all that. It would have been easy to smash your case, (crosses and stands over him) but that would have left me tied to you; so I asked him if he would join me in making no defence. He pointed out what society would think of me. I said I knew enough of society to care nothing for its bad opinion. He did as I wished, so you got your decree nisi and the sympathy of the public. (crosses to top of table again)
Cray.All this is beastly 'fensive. (leans limply over back of chair)
Car.My only problem was how to live. I couldn't teach or make dresses or typewrite. There was only one thing I could do properly—I could cook. It was always a fad of mine. I used often to prepare little dishes for my father—in the old days—and while I was trying to see my way, I met Millicent Sturton. I told her everything, and asked her to help me. She had influence with these good people—so I resumed my own name and became the vicar's cook. (pause;Cookhas gradually crossedL.again.Crayllmoves chair back to table and drinks) Now you understand everything! I'll say good-bye. I'm likely to be rather busy this evening.
Cray.Don't say goo'bye. I wan' you to come back. My 'ntentions are disin'ersted. Won't you come back?
Car.(stands with hands behind her back) Not while there's a crossing to be swept—or a box of matches to be sold.
Cray.(rising unsteadily—leaning over table) S'pose I was to—give th' show away—d'you think they'd keep a woman like you—a woman who was n'torious?
Car.No!
Cray.Very well, then I can squash you. Word from me'd sweep you into the gutter—an' if you don' come back—I'll do it. I'll show you what comes of r'fusin' disin'ested offer. (she laughs and shrugs her shoulders) Don' laugh at me, you fool! I'll do it! I'll drag you off your damned high horse, I'll—I'll—(raises his arm to strike her)
Car.No, you won't! (pauses; his arm slowly falls and he sways about limply) you're too anxious to keepyour own identity secret just now to say anything about mine. Isn't that so—Mr. Crayll?
Cray.(swaying about) Tha's true, tha's true! Le's be frien's—shall we? Don' le's be touchy. If you'll come back, I'll do the right thing—marry you again—marry you anywhere you like—St. Paul's Cathedral, if you like. Come back and be a comfort to ailin' man. (sinks into chair) Le's have 'nother honeymoon. Shall we? Le's kiss an' be friends; but first le's have a little more whiskey. (taking whiskey) Shall we?
Car.(removing the tumbler, etc.) No, we won't have any more whiskey—in fact, I think we had better go now. (she takes whiskey syphon and glass to window, and looks out)
Cray.(who is now maudlin) Not friendly! No r'sumption of former 'fectionate footin', same time—no desire to remain—where not wanted. (puts cap on) Where's cigar case? Want cigar—smoke going home. (he very sleepily takes out letter case from his outside pocket) Oh, here 'tish! (as he holds it, he begins to doze, his arm falls its full length, and a letter falls out of case—his head falls right back, and he breathes heavily. He falls gradually into a deep sleep. She watches him quietly, then comes round to the right of him)
Car.(pause) Wake up! (shakes him) You mustn't sleep here.
Cray.(muttering) Want cigar!
Car.Want a cigar? But this is your letter case. (she takes it from him, and puts it into his outside pocketR.She then sees the fallen letter) And you've dropped something. (she picks it up—he snores) Looks like a writ. (she glances at it) Messrs. Brampton and Stokes (she pauses and looks at him) Ah! my first idea was right (crosses to gas with letter round to fireplace and reads it under the gas) "Messrs. Brampton and Stokes present their compliments to Lord Huntworth, and would be greatly obliged if he could place them in communication with the lady who was till very recently his wife. The reason for the application is urgent, as information has been received from an Australian firm of solicitors that Lady Huntworth has succeeded to a considerable fortune through the death of an uncle. (she again turns and looks at him) Messrs. Brampton and Stokes would greatly appreciate an early reply. Capel Court. May 9th." More than two months ago! Ah! (slight pause, crosses to top of table, and leans over it) Lord Huntworth, you will do me the favour to wake up. (he snores) Ithought I had said everything I had to say, but I find I was wrong. (she stops and listens, then puts letter hurriedly inside her dress) What's that? Did I hear the gate go? (crosses to window, then crosses toCraylland shakes him and pulls him up) Wake up—you mustn't be found here. (she pulls him up)
Cray.Wha's matter?
Car.I must put you somewhere; you wouldn't be easy to explain away. (she half-supports, half-carries him up and into scullery; when there she allows him to droop into a sitting position against the sink; she then shuts the scullery door) Quite like old times! (looks out of window—brings work-box down, goes up to door and listens.Mr. Pillengerenters)
Pil.Hum! Cook! (at door)
Car.Yes?
Pil.May I come in?
Car.Certainly! (crosses to chairR.and sits, takes out pudding cloth and starts to hem it)
(Mr. Pillengerenters at back door.)
Pil.I—er—explained to Miss Pillenger that I thought it advisable to return home early—as I was feeling somewhat indisposed.
Car.(looks up at him) Then you would like to go to bed? I'll let Miss Pillenger in. (looks at doorL.)
Pil.That is not necessary, I gave her my latchkey. I fear I must admit my illness has no—er—tangible existence.
Car.Oh!
Pil.I trust I am not interrupting any—er—domestic occupation?
Car.I have to hem some pudding cloths, but I can listen while I work. What do you want to say to me? (she begins sewing;Pillengercrosses to top of table, puts hat down; as he crossesCooklooks at doorL.)
Pil.I—er—find some difficulty in approaching the subject. It is one with which I have been hitherto—quite unfamiliar.
Car.Perhaps if you sat down it might be easier.
Pil.Er—thank you. (crosses to fire and stands with back to it) The suggestion is very considerate. (he makes several efforts to begin, but baulks himself) During the few months you have been with us—you must have noticed that you had roused—in me—a strong feeling—(she looks up at him) of—er—of interest?
Car.I saw it—I didn't notice it.
Pil.Exactly! (moves to back of chairL.) You would not—care—perhaps, to give me a somewhat larger measure of your—er—confidence—touching the—er—the past.
Car.(stops work for a moment) No; I think we'll leave the past alone.
Pil.I may possibly persuade you to be less reticent—when I have submitted my—er—my proposal to you.
Car.Proposal? (resumes work)
Pil.Yes. After such reasonable hesitation as should precede the taking of any important step, I have decided to offer you an alternative to your present life, the nature of which you may have already guessed.
Car.(smiling back) I supposeyouare the alternative?
Pil.(moves to top of table near her) Precisely. I ask you to be—er—to be my wife.
Car.(smiles) Thanks! (stops work)
Pil.I am no longer young, but my health is good, with the exception of a little periodic gout. My temper, if not invariably equable, is what a long succession of curates has made it; and as to worldly considerations, without being a rich man, my position is an independent one.
Car.It ought to be.
Pil.I beg your pardon?
Car.You say you don't speak without consideration. Have you considered what your sister would say?
Pil.(moves round toL.) It is a point to which I have devoted very exhaustive attention. At first she might not welcome the idea with—er—absolute enthusiasm. (sitsL.)
Car.No, she might not. Have you also considered what the world would say?
Pil.The world?
Car.It's rather a tolerant world where a man is concerned, but it holds special views about clergymen, and it wouldn't stand the notion of a vicar marrying his cook.
Pil.The social disparity between us is far more apparent than real. Your present vocation must be the outcome of caprice—or temporary necessity.
Car.Take it at that. (puts work in box) What do you know of me? I may be an adventuress—in fact, most of the evidence points that way. At any rate I have no intention of marrying. (smiles) I have said the same thing once before this evening in reply to asimilar proposition from Gandy. (rises and crosses back of her chair and leans on chair)
Pil.Gandy? Did he dare?
Car.He did. (smiling) This seems to be rather a susceptible household. (crosses to window and looks out)
Pil.(rising) You haven't given me a conclusive answer?
Car.(hearing footsteps) Haven't I? I thought I had.
Pil.(crosses toC.) You may require a little time for final reflection.
Car.I think not. (looking out of window)
Pil.Nevertheless, if you will spare me your attention.
Car.One moment! I thought I heard a step on the path. (she looks out of window) Yes, it's Captain Dorvaston.
Pil.(crosses to door and looks out, returns and takes hat from table) You don't say so? That is highly inconvenient. What had I better do?
Car.I think you had better go to bed.
Pil.An opportunity like the present is so difficult to obtain. He will merely pass through to his room. I'll wait in the scullery. (makes for it)
Car.(puts hand on door) The scullery is rather in confusion. (goes back to window and looks out)
Pil.Then the larder is probably available. (goes towards it)
Car.I really wouldn't wait if I were you.
Pil.(speaking from entrance to larder) I do so on my own initiative. There are several arguments I wish to——
Car.(at window) He's coming.
Pil.Oh! (hastily goes in and closes larder door)
(Dorvastonsimultaneously enters at garden door)
Dor.Well, Cook, I've got back. May I come in?
Car.If you like. (drops downL.Dorvastonenters and locks door after him) You needn't have locked the door.
Dor.Don't you keep it locked?
Car.I do generally—it doesn't matter. (sitsL.)
Dor.The governor was seedy and left early.
Car.Yes, he came back.
Dor.Gone to bed, I s'pose? (she is silent and has resumed her work) I tried to think of something a bitmore novel, but I couldn't, so I had to tell the old lady I wasn't feeling fit myself.
Car.Why did you trouble?
Dor.(crosses to top of table and puts hat down) Oh, well, don't you know, I wanted to say something to you.
Car.Yes. (stops work)
Dor.I'm a bad hand at getting my notions into words. P'raps if you go on doing—whatever you're doing—I may manage to make a start. (she resumes work) That ought to look exceptional pretty when it's finished.
Car.Do you think so?
Dor.Yes! What—is it?
Car.A pudding cloth.
Dor.Jove! You don't say so? (laughs) I say, you mustn't think me an awful ass!
Car.It doesn't matter what I think.
Dor.It matters to me.
Car.It oughtn't to matter. (pause—he takes up the weekly journal)
Dor.Been doing a bit of reading? (sits on tableR.corner)
Car.No. That belongs to Keziah.
Dor.This sounds promising. (reads) "The belted Earl entered the lists with lance in rest. His shield bore for device a bar sinister with Fleur de Lys rampant." That ain't heraldry!
Car.Yes, it is, (looking up) "Family Heraldry." (he laughs) I don't want to hurry you, but it's getting late.
Dor.(rises) Well, I—I hope you haven't misunderstood my—object in—bothering you?
Car.I should like to think I had.
Dor.I don't follow.
Car.Members of your profession don't generally make an appointment with cook in order to assure her of their respect.
Dor.Some of us may be a bit rackety, but we know a lady when we see one, and we shouldn't treat her any different because she chose to pretend to be a cook.
Car.Pretend?
Dor.(crossesC.and gets gradually to chairR.of table) Why, any duffer could see—Ican see you were never meant to be what you are. These things generally come about through loss of coin—for instance, a woman's father speculates, and the home goes biff. He shuts up in his stride, and she takes up the running. Now what that woman wants is a friend to giveher the lead over the fences—a friend who don't want anything from her—will you keep your eye on that?—who don't want anything from her, but who would like awfully to do her a turn, if she'd let him. I think that goes into the four corners of what I wanted to say. (sits)
Car.(rising) Do you know you're a wonderfully good fellow?
Dor.Oh, rot! Well, may I be—a little use to somebody for once?
Car.I won't borrow money of you, if you meant that.
Dor.False pride!
Car.No, that isn't it.
Dor.It's a devilish odd thing that every good woman is a bit of a coward, and she's always afraid of what people will say, especially if it isn't true.
Car.That description fits me less than any woman in the world.
Dor.You won't let me be of use to you, because I happen to be a man, and you happen to be a woman—ain't that so? (rises) I see how it is. I've made an ass of myself. You won't have my help or my friendship.
Car.(rises) I don't need the help, but I'll take the friendship.
Dor.Thanks!
Car.(shuts work-box) What I thought about you was wrong. I beg your pardon.
Dor.Oh, that's all right!
Car.(leans on box) Now, will you do me a little favour?
Dor.Anything! (leans over table)
Car.Will you go to bed? (he backs with surprise) They mustn't come back and find you here.
Dor.Of course not, I'll go at once; and if at any time you should want a pal, you'll let me——
Car.Hush! (crosses to door and opens it) I fancy I heard the key in the front door. (she listens) Yes, it is them. Miss Pillenger is saying she wants to speak to me.
Dor.(takes up hat) By George! I'd better nip into the scullery. (crosses to scullery)
Car.No!
Dor.The larder? (crosses to it)
Car.No. Go into the garden.
Dor.Of course! Stupid of me! (he tries the door)
Car.Make haste.
Dor.Can't get the beastly door open. Something's wrong with the key.
Car.You'll be too late! (advances towards him)
Dor.Here! (opens door) What's this? Ah, the broom cupboard, any port in a storm! (goes in;Cookshuts door and stands there for a moment)
(Miss Pillengerenters.)
Miss P.Cook, I remembered I hadn't ordered to-morrow's breakfast. (crosses and sitsR.of table)
Car.No. What would you like? (crosses to top of table)
Miss P.(sittingR.of table) Has Keziah returned?
Car.Not yet.
Miss P.Both my brother and Captain Dorvaston were too unwell to remain with us. They have doubtless gone to bed, so I will ask you to go upstairs very quietly.
Car.Certainly! I think I hear Keziah. (she goes to back-door)
Miss P.She is very late. (pause) Why don't you open the door?
Car.The key sticks a little.
Miss P.It should be oiled. (Cookopens the door and admitsKeziah,who doesn't seeMiss Pillenger)
Kez.Oh, Cook, I did enjoy myself a treat! 'E was there—and when I come out—— (comesC.and seesMiss Pillenger) Oh lor!
Miss P.Keziah!
Kez.Yes, mum.
Miss P.Why are you so late?
Kez.I dunno, mum.
Miss P.Who is the person you spoke of when you came in?
Kez.What person, mum?
Miss P.You said distinctlyhewas there.
Kez.Oh, that was me sister's 'usband's brother, mum. (winks atCook) 'E's a plumber, and Church of England.
Miss P.You are aware I don't allow followers?
Kez.'E don't followme, mum. I did give 'im good evenin', bein', as you may say, relations, and 'e told me as my sister 'as just 'ad 'erseventh, and both doin' well, and——
Miss P.That will do. I hope you are telling the truth.
Kez.Oh yes, mum, it's gorspel, it is reely!
Miss P.Mind you go upstairs quietly; your master is unwell.
Kez.Yes, mum. (goes to door again, winks atCook) Good night, mum.
Miss P.Good night! (Keziahgoes out) I'm afraid, Cook, you must have had a rather dull evening.
Car.No, I haven't been dull. (puts box on window-ledge and returns) You were going to speak about the breakfast.
Miss P.Yes. Let me see, we shall have fish. (noise in cupboard) What was that? I heard a noise in that cupboard.
Car.It may have been a mouse.
Miss P.I didn't know we had any mice. You had better set a trap to-morrow.
Car.You mentioned fish? Will you have it grilled?
Miss P.No, fried with egg and breadcrumbs. (noise in cupboard is repeated more loudly) That can't be a mouse. The cat must have got shut up in there.
Car.The cat is in the scullery.
Miss P.Then it must be a strange cat. (rises and crosses toR. C.)
Car.(going to cupboard, her hand on knob) Strange cats sometimes fly at you. If you'll go, I'll see to it. I'm not nervous.
Miss P.(advances to cupboard) Neither am I. I prefer to see for myself. (wavesCookback) How this door sticks. (she pulls at the handle of the door, which at last opens, discoveringDorvaston) Captain Dorvaston! (he comes out sheepishly; pause) May I ask you to explain this? (Dorvastonlooks first atMiss P.then atCook—takes his hat off)
Dor.Well, ma'am, it ain't exactly easy to make the thing clear.
Miss P.I see. (speaking atCook) The explanation is only too obvious. My niece has gone to her room, so I shall not disturb her to-night, but to-morrow it will be my painful duty to tell her everything. (moves a step to the door)
Dor.I say, ma'am, just a moment.
Miss P.(moves towardCookand stops) As to you, Cook, I will—or, rather, Mr. Pillenger—will speak to you in the morning.
Car.(smiling) Very well! (at top of table.Miss Pillengermoves to go—Dorvastonintercepts her)
Dor.Look here, ma'am—upon my soul you must listen. I wanted to say something to Cook. It was nothing—anybody might have heard it.
Miss P.Then why conceal yourself in the broom cupboard?
Dor.I know the broom cupboard ain't easy to get out of. I could explain better, only I feel in such an awful hat——