(Gandycomes out during this and continues clearing away. He placesMr. Pillenger'schair upB. C.andMiss Pillenger'schair upL.above gate. Folds cloth over tray, and takes it into the kitchen. Then comes back, folds up table and takes it away into house before cue, "This is July.")
(Gandycomes out during this and continues clearing away. He placesMr. Pillenger'schair upB. C.andMiss Pillenger'schair upL.above gate. Folds cloth over tray, and takes it into the kitchen. Then comes back, folds up table and takes it away into house before cue, "This is July.")
Dor.I wouldn't say that, (crosses toC.), ma'am; she met you half way over the salmon. (returns to window.Miss Pillengergoes up with dignity and enters house through French window)
Pil.(rises, crossesC.) Thorsby is late. I expected him to call.
Lucy.He came early this morning, but he wouldn't wait.
Pil.Tut, tut! He knows I wished to see him. I have two christenings at one-thirty, and an interment at three. However, Lucy and—er—Captain Dorvaston (crosses and bringsDorvastondown) as you are together for once—I will avail myself of the opportunity to say a few serious words to you both. (DorvastonandLucylook at each other nervously)
Dor.Peg away, sir! (Lucystands near tableR.Dorvastonstands centre)
Pil.I have no wish to appear unduly inquisitive on a subject with which I have merely an indirect concern (sitsR.of table) but may I enquire if you have fixed the time that will make you both—that will make us all happy? (puts arm on table and leans back.LucyandDorvastonagain look at each other) Has a date been arrived at?
Lucy.Not precisely.
Dor.Not to a day or so.
Pil.Have you settled on the week or the month?
Dor.No, we haven't got as far as that. But something was said about the autumn.
Lucy.The late autumn.
Pil.(has been leaning his arm on the table—now sits up and faces them) The late autumn! (sits up) But last autumn something was said about the early spring; the question was then relegated to the late summer. This is July, and where are we? (he leans back and is about to rest his arm on table, butGandyhas just removed it, with the result that he loses his balance and comes on his hand.Dorvastongoes to his assistance)
Dor.Allow me, sir!
Pil.Thank you. I was unaware that Gandy had removed the table. But, to resume what I was saying—can you give me any definite information?
Dor.You see, sir, I haven't worried Lucy, because I know girls are apt to be a bit—a bit——
Pil.Well?
Dor.Noosance! I've lost a word. Girls are apt to be a bit——
Lucy.Coy.
Dor.That's it! Thanks, little woman—a bit coy. (comes toPillenger)
Pil.Coy! (rises, comesC.) Well, the expression hardly seems to me to convey Lucy's habitual demeanour; but in any case she is of age. (toLucy) You were twenty-one last week I think?
Lucy.Yes, I was.
Pil.Your small fortune is carefully tied up.
Dor.Quite right, sir, so it ought to be.
Pil.Captain Dorvaston (patting him on the shoulder) is in a firm financial position.
Dor.Pretty fair as things go.
Pil.Then why any further delay? Why not August? Nice seaside month. My own thoughts are turning towards Eastbourne.
Dor.I had an offer from a fellah I know to go halves in a shoot this August, (going toLucy) but I wouldn't let that stand in the way, not for a moment.
Lucy.Thanks, Jack, (crosses downR.a little)
Pil.Take my advice, let no trivial obstacle intervene between you. Let there be no postponement or interruption.
Dor.There shan't be, sir. (Carolinecomes out from porch)
Pil.That's well! (they shake hands) That's well!
Car.Gandy! (both men turn round to her without releasing hands)
Pil.Do you want anything, Cook? (crosses up to herL.)
Dor.Anything I could do? (they both go up,Dorvastonon herR.)
Car.I wanted Gandy for a second.
Pil.Certainly. He was here just now.
Dor.Saw him a minute ago.
Pil.I'll call him. (goesL.) Gandy!
Dor.Fancy he went this way. (goesR.) Gandy!
Pil.Sorry to detain you! Gandy!
Dor.Noosance having to wait! Gandy!
Car.Pray don't bother about it; I only wanted him to pick me some parsley.
Pil.No trouble at all. WhereisGandy?
Dor.What's happened to the beggar? Could I—er—take on the job?
Pil.Tut, tut! absurd! How should you know the proper way to—er—pick parsley?
Dor.Never too old to learn, sir. (toCaroline) Where should I be likely to drop across it?
Car.There's a small parsley bed over there (she points left)
Dor.Right-O! (crossesL.,kneels)
Car.But it's really too bad to trouble you. (crossesC.Mr. Pillengergoes withCarolineon herL.)
Dor.Not a bit! To oblige you I'd pick oakum! (he kneels and picks parsley)
Pil.I—er—regret—that—er—the absence of Gandy—as to which I shall require some explanation, should have caused you all this inconvenience.
Car.It doesn't signify. Captain Dorvaston is doing the work very nicely.
Dor.Fact is I've broken out in a new place. Where shall I put the pieces? (holding up parsley)
Car.In this dish. (Mr. Pillengertakes dish from her, andDorvastonsnatches it from him—puts parsley in it, and holds it out)
Dor.It's very easy when you get into the swing of it. Will that be enough?
Car.Plenty, thanks.
Dor.There! (rises, crosses to hand her bowl;Pillengertrying to get hold of it)
Car.I'm much obliged.
Dor.Don't you think I should make a good gardener?
Car.Capital, I should say. (crosses to porch)
Pil.Tut! tut! (she goes up stage)
Dor.Cook! Cook! (she turns round) If I try for the situation will you give me a character?
Car.I'm afraid I haven't one to spare! (he laughs; she returns to the kitchen)
Dor.(going up to window, then turns toPillenger) By George she's a devilish—er——
Pil.Tut! tut! (upL. C.;Lucyknocks on the table two or three times to draw their attention)
Dor.Just so, sir; but I mean sheis—don't you know—isn't she?
Pil.(crosses downL. C.) She is undoubtedly possessed of great refinement for anyone in her present sphere.
Dor.Refinement! (crosses downR. C.)
Pil.We gathered from the Duchess of Sturton that Cook had seen better days. Her Grace is somewhat vague conversationally; but we understood as much as that.
Dor.(confidentially, he hidesLucyfromPillenger'sview) Funny thing a woman like that should be running loose. Odd she hasn't married some fellah.
Pil.It is singular—in fact remarkable. For a certain type of man she would make—I should say—an admirable wife.
Dor.Just the wife for a soldier man!
Pil.Pardon me, I disagree with you. No—she has a quietude, a dignified reserve—that would fit her to preside over the household of a staid medical man—or a barrister in fair practice—who was no longer young—or even—a—a—— (catchesDorvaston'seye) But we're wasting the morning. (crossesL.)
Lucy.Don't say that, uncle. (they both stare at her)
Pil.Lucy! (crosses to top of chairR.)
Dor.Hulloa, little woman! Still there?
Lucy.Yes, I'm still here.
Dor.By George, sir, (crosses and sits on chair facing the others) weren't we all chatting over something?
Pil.I—er—think I was urging you both—to—er——
Lucy.You were urging us to name the day—and to avoid any kind of trivial interruption. (the men look at each other)
Pil.I—believe that is so.
Lucy.And Jack agreed.
Dor.Yes.
Lucy.And I chimed in with the general sentiment. But of course—at the time—it was impossible to foresee the parsley, (the two men exchange glances—she rises) I'm going down to the village. I punctured a tire yesterday, and I've got to fetch my bike.
Pil.I must get to work. I'm late as it is. (crossesC.looking at watch)
Dor.Make it a ten minutes' sermon, sir, weather's extr'ordinary hot.
Pil.I beg, Captain Dorvaston, you will spare me any such irreverent suggestions; and I trust that if you must sleep in a sacred edifice, you will render your slumber less aggressive. (moves to French window)
Lucy.You do snore, Jack—you nearly drowned the second lesson last Sunday.
Pil.(turning toLucy)Youare not blameless. As his future wife, it is your duty—and—er—privilege—to nudge him. For what purpose has Heaven given you elbows? (he goes into house. Slight pause.Dorvastonputs pipe away.Lucycrosses up, turns to chairR.)
Lucy.Jack!
Dor.Yes, little woman?
Lucy.Do you care for me?
Dor.'Course I do!
Lucy.How much? (crosses to chair and kneels on it)
Dor.How much? (rises, crossesC.) Well, I'm a bad hand at explaining things.
Lucy.For instance, would you give up a big thing for my sake?
Dor.What sort of big thing?
Lucy.An Empire?
Dor.Oh, yes.
Lucy.A peerage?
Dor.Oh, Lord, yes!
Lucy.Would you give up—a dish of parsley?
Dor.(long puzzled look) What do you mean? I—don't understand.
Lucy.You're a humbug!
Dor.Sorry you think that.
Lucy.Well, do something to please me.
Dor.Anything I can.
Lucy.Fetch me an orchid, (he looks surprised) to wear this evening—there are lots in the orchid house—will you?
Dor.'Course I will.
Lucy.Thanks. (Dorvastoncrosses upR.LucycrossesL. C.,andDorvastoncrosses down to her)
Dor.(places hands uponLucy'sshoulder and speaking over her shoulder) Little woman! Ever since the time when your dear old dad first gave us the word of command, I've always had a pretty clear notion where the word duty came in; so when once you've pulled yourself together, and named the day, I mean to pull myself together and do my level damnedest to make you happy. D'you see? (turns her round)
Lucy.(facing him) Yes, I see. (puts hand on his shoulder) I'm quite sure you mean all you say, and it's nice of you to say it, and to mean it. The only thing is, you seem to be entering upon a matrimonial campaign without any transports.
Dor.I don't follow.
Lucy.(takes him by the lapels of coat) When I said you were a humbug, I meant there is one person you are always trying to deceive.
Dor.Who's that?
Lucy.Jack Dorvaston! (he looks bewildered) Don't you mind what I say; go and fetch my orchid. (turns him round and pushes him away. He pauses, rubs his head reflectively, and at last strolls offR.Lucygoes over to the tree and sits for a moment in thought. She suddenly remembers the letter in tree, and jumps on seat to get it.Carolinehas come out, bringing with her two pudding basins which she places on the seat under the garden window; she comes down to tableR.to take up the newspaper, she catches sight ofLucywho is trying to get the letter out of cavity)
Car.(comingC.) Shall I do that?
Lucy.Oh, Cook, is that you? (turning quickly) You startled me.
Car.Did I? I'm sorry.
Lucy.What was it you said?
Car.I offered to get your letter for you. I have a longer reach.
Lucy.What letter? (jumps down)
Car.The latest one from Mr. Thorsby.
Lucy.Cook! How dare you?
Car.I'm not naturally timid.
Lucy.You are excessively impertinent.
Car.Am I? Very likely. But as that is your opinion, I'll chance a rather rude question—When are you going to bolt with Mr. Thorsby?
Lucy.What do you mean? I'm foolish to listen to you at all. I shall go to my uncle and aunt and tell them what you've just said. (comes close toCook,then wavers and takes a step back)
Car.(pause) If I am mistaken about you and Mr. Thorsby, you would be quite right to tell them. Am I mistaken? (Lucytries to brave her, but her head droops) Quite so! Then I think I would get the compromising letter out of the tree and say no more about it—unless you'll letmedo it. (makes a movement to get letter)
Lucy.Oh, no! (she jumps hastily on seat and getsletter) There! I don't care if youdoknow. Anybody may know after to-morrow.
Car.So it's to be to-morrow?
Lucy.(jumps down) Yes, it is. I am bound to trust you—I can't help myself; so if you choose to give the whole thing away, you can.
Car.I shan't do that. On the contrary, I should like to do any little thing I could to help you. (Lucylooks in wonder)
Lucy.Thank you. (slight pause; sits) How did you find out—about—us? (looking atCook)
Car.(goes up a step) Two or three Sundays ago—I was coming home about ten in the evening—it was my Sunday out—and as I came round the corner, you and Mr. Thorsby were outside the gate.
Lucy.Oh! (her eyes drop)
Car.You were supposed to be spending the evening with your friend Mrs. Bronson, if you remember?
Lucy.Yes.
Car.You didn't hear me coming and Mr. Thorsby said good-night to you.
Lucy.Oh!
Car.He said it—very thoroughly.
Lucy.Yes—I believe he did.
Car.That was how I found out.
Lucy.(after slight pause) How funny it seems to be talking to you about it all. What did you think—when you saw—what you saw?
Car.I was rather amused.
Lucy.What did you think ofme?
Car.Need we go into that?
Lucy.I should like you to say.
Car.Well, to tell you the truth, I thought you weren't going quite straight.
Lucy.Because of Captain Dorvaston?
Car.Yes.
Lucy.I don't care for Captain Dorvaston—and I do care for Mr. Thorsby. Surely it's better to marry the man you love?
Car.I daresay it would be. I have nothing to say against Mr. Thorsby—he seems a very pleasant young fellow. I shouldn't think he would take to drink (Lucylooks in surprise) or turn out badly to any special extent. Of course, one can't tell beforehand.
Lucy.Cook! (surprised)
Car.It would be all right if you weren't engaged to another man.
Lucy.But Jack isn't in love withme! (rises)
Car.You think not?
Lucy.He likes me, and he wouldn't admit to anybody—certainly not to himself—that I wasn't all the world to him, and a bit over; but in the way ofreallove he doesn't care a rap forme. He doesn't care—a sprig of parsley! (they look at each other,Cooksmiles,and thenLucytakes it up)
Car.Ah! that makes a difference. (slight pause) Well, I must see to the mayonnaise. (she turns and goes up to the seat under the kitchen window, she begins to break eggs into the basin.Lucygoes up to porch and sits on it, leaning her head against the pillar)
Lucy.Do you know, I think you've been trying to be very kind to me?
Car.Not at all.
Lucy.I was wondering—if you would tell me a little—about yourself.
Car.Tell you what?
Lucy.Tell me—about—your life.
Car.My life! No. It's waste of time to discuss failures.
Lucy.You are a riddle—because you are—pardon me—a lady.
Car.Well?
Lucy.And yet—yet—(looking away) Who are you? What are you?
Car.The Vicar's cook. (their eyes meet) You will do me a favor, Miss Pillenger, if you will leave it at that.
Lucy.Oh, certainly! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be inquisitive.
(Church clock chimes the half-hour.)
Car.I'm sure you didn't.
Lucy.I ought to go down to the village. (crosses to French window)
Car.(takes up fork and begins to stir eggs) Don't let me make you late for any appointment. (Cookputs bowl on window;Lucytries to laugh, and exits through French window)
(Dorvastonenters with large orchid.)
Dor.Here you are, little woman,. (looks forLucy)
Car.She has gone down to the village.
Dor.Hulloa! Are you there, Cook? (goes to her)
Car.Yes.
Dor.Doing a bit of al fresco cooking?
Car.I'm mixing the mayonnaise.
Dor.Are you, by George! That's devilish interesting. I suppose, now, the kitchen's a bit hot for things that go off color.
Car.Yes.
Dor.Eggs, for instance. (sitsR.ofCook) I suppose you start with eggs as a ground plan—and then—and then you beat 'em. I often thought I should like to beat eggs. (seriously)
Car.(rising) You can beat these; at least, you can stir them, if you've a fancy that way. I want to baste my two fowls.
Dor.Oh! (disappointed, stops stirring)
Car.(she gives him the basin; pause; rises and turns to porch) Don't leave off stirring till I come back.
Dor.(beginning to stir) Not for worlds. (Cookturns) But basting now, basting must be an unusual engrossing branch of the science. Couldn't I come and watch you baste?
Car.(standing at entrance to porch) No; go on with the eggs please. That orchid seems rather in your way.
Dor.Got it for Lucy to wear to-night.
Car.Give it me.
Dor.Thanks! (gives it to her)
Car.Tell her I'm taking care of it. (going)
Dor.I say, Cook!
Car.(pausing) Yes.
Dor.I want awfully to have a chat with you. (edging to end of bench)
Car.You're chatting now. (leans against post and facesDorvaston)
Dor.Can't talk here—people about—and there's the basting.
Car.That's true.
Dor.You'll be all alone this evening. Don't fancy I shall want much of the Penny Reading—a ha'porth will be plenty. Thought I'd stroll back—andthen, don't you understand?
Car.I think I understandyou, but I'm doubtful if you quite understand me. I've an idea that what you want to say wouldn't interest me at all.
Dor.(rises) You're wrong. I don't mean an atom of harm—swear I don't. What I want to say I would say before anybody—only I'd rather talk it over quietly. May I come?
Car.If you like.
Dor.Then you believe in me?
Car.(pauses) Yes, I think I do. What time are you likely to be back?
Dor.Round about nine thirty.
Car.Nine thirty! All right! Don't forget to stir the eggs (he begins eagerly) Very gently. (enters porch and then kitchen.Dorvastonwatches her off and is looking through window, still stirring, whenPillengercomes out of French window)
Pil.Captain Dorvaston! Captain Dorvaston! Captain Dorvaston! (Dorvastonturns to him) If you are at leisure I should be glad if—— (seeing basin and pointing to it) What is that?
Dor.Fancy they call it a pudden basin.
Pil.What are you——? why should you——?
Dor.I'm stirring the eggs for the mayonnaise. Cook asked me to.
Pil.Tut, tut! I have received a letter from the lawyers, respecting the draught copy of your marriage settlement. I gave it to you. May I ask you to fetch it!
Dor.Just now, sir?
Pil.Naturally. Why not?
Dor.Promised I wouldn't leave off stirring. Look here, sir, if I fetch the paper, will you go on with the eggs? (gives him basin—they both stir—so as not to stop)
Pil.Well, rather than cause—er—domestic inconvenience (takes basin) but have the goodness to make haste. The position is not without embarrassment.
Dor.I'll look sharp, sir. (crosses up back) Don't forget to stir very gently.
Pil.The caution is quite superfluous. (crosses to back of chairR.)
(Miss Pillengercomes out followed byLucy;both dressed for walking.)
Dor.Hulloa, ma'am! Going for a prowl?
Miss P.Fowl? (crossesC.)
Pil.Tut, tut! (conceals the basin behind him)
Miss P.(crossing to him) You here, Audley? I am accompanying Lucy to the village. I imagined you were writing your sermon.
Pil.I have been delayed by—er—unforeseen interruptions (DorvastontellsLucyabout basin; shegoes up behindPillengerand taps it) You are yourself wasting the freshness of the morning.
Miss P.I thought the moment was opportune for the purchase of your new socks.
Pil.Tut, tut!
Miss P.But you have given me no instructions as to pattern or texture.
Pil.Both are indifferent to me. I rely on your taste and judgment.
Miss P.I will go then. (she movesL.;Dorvastonopens gate and stands talking to her;Lucylaughs)
Pil.What is amusing you, Lucy?
Lucy.I was laughing because——
Pil.I have no wish to hear. I object to frivolity.
Lucy.Do you, uncle? (crossesL.) Wait for me, Auntie. (turns toDorvaston) Jack, where's my orchid?
Dor.Cook is taking care of it.
Lucy.(looking atPillenger) What a treasure Cook is. (looking atDorvaston) I wonder what any of us would do without her? (exit. The two men face each other for a second)
Dor.(laughs) Sorry I let you in, sir, (comingC.) but Lucy won't say anything. I'll be back directly—and, I say, you won't forget to stir very gently? (exit off)
Pil.(angrily) No, I won't! No, I won't! No, I won't! (crosses; sitsR.of table, stirs violently for a moment, then remembers and slows down;Cookcomes out)
Car.Captain Dorvaston! (seesPillenger) Is Captain Dorvaston—— (he turns round) Oh, you've got it! (comes to top of table)
Pil.The basin? Yes. I was compelled to interrupt Captain Dorvaston, so I was endeavoring to supply his place; I fear with poor results. (puts paper on seat)
Car.Let me look? (takes basin, crosses a littleC.) Thanks. (she looks at it) Oh, no—it's all right.
Pil.I am relieved to hear it. Still, it probably needs the—er—hum—the final touch of the artist. (she turns to go) You don't care for—er—compliments?
Car.(looking round) No! (comingC.)
Pil.Rather an unkind restriction.
Car.A bird of some experience is apt to change its first opinion of bird-lime.
Pil.Yes, very true. But compliments that are the expression of honest and—er—respectful appreciation—what of them?
Car.I don't know. I've never met that kind ofcompliment. If you'll excuse me, I'll go back to the fowls. (going up)
Pil.(he follows her between tree and table to porch) I have no right to detain you from more congenial society. (door bell heard) But I have something I particularly wish to say to you. (she looks at him) Something I wish to explain.
Car.Certainly! What is it?
Pil.My explanation might—in fact, would occupy some time. (door bell heard more violently) The present moment is obviously ill-chosen for the purpose. You will be the sole occupant of the house this evening.
Car.Shall I?
Pil.Everybody—Keziah included—is going to the Penny Reading—even Gandy has asked permission to visit his aged mother.
Car.Has he an aged mother? I didn't know.
Pil.He doesn't lay much stress on her—she suffers from spasms, and is a Nonconformist.
Car.Well?
Pil.I thought if I came back early from the Parish room, I could explain what I—er—wish to explain. (very violent ring at bell without interruption)
Car.You would discuss this all-important matter in the kitchen?
Pil.If you—er—see no objection.
Car.It's your kitchen, and your responsibility; but if I were you I wouldn't explain.
Pil.Do you prohibit me from doing so?
Car.No, come if you like. What time am I to expect you?
Pil.About nine o'clock. It's a quiet hour, and usually free from callers.
Car.We'll hope it will prove so. Very well—till nine o'clock then. (she goes into kitchen—he crosses up to French window atCook'sexit, still looking after her, buried in thought.Crayllcomes through gateway, stands at steps, seesPillengerand speaks)
Cray.Mornin'! (Pillengerdoes not hear, soCrayllprods him in back with stick) Mornin'.
Pil.Eh! Oh, good morning! (comesC.)
Cray.What time's the funeral?
Pill.Funeral?
Cray.Ain't anybody dead? I rang your beastly front door bell till my arm ached; so I turned it up and came round to the back.
Pil.My butler—er—my male servant—is ratherremiss. But to the best of my knowledge, he is still alive.
Cray.Damn sorry for it.
Pil.Tut, tut!
Cray.What's the matter?
Pil.I cannot countenance such language. My sacred calling——
Cray.(looking at him more attentively) Oh, I see! Didn't know you were a magpie. Come to think of it, s'pose I passed your place of business a little way up the road, (pointing upL.)
Pil.Er—hum—yes.
Cray.Oh, well then, I take back the damn. After all, it don't do to open one's front door too quick. S'pose you thought I was the Water Rate. (puts foot on chair, pulls out handkerchief, and dusts boot)
Pil.No, sir.
Cray.Gas?
Pil.Certainly not.
Cray.Then what the devil did you think? (dusts other boot)
Pil.I had no theory on the subject; and as to your language—I really must beg——
Cray.Beg? Yes, that's your trade. Same time I'll take back the devil. We don't often part company. Talking of the devil, did you ever have D.T.?
Pil.D.T.? D.T.? If you refer to the "Daily Telegraph," I usually read the "Standard."
Cray.No, no! D.T. Jim-jams!
Pil.Jim-jams?
Cray.Delirium tremens—ever had 'em?
Pil.Eh? What? Never, sir, never!
Cray.Lucky beast! Well, when youdohave 'em, you'll know 'em again. I've had 'em twice.
Pil.Really!
Cray.The last bout was a blazer. A man generally sees snakes, or rats, or spiders. It was spiders with me. (makes movement of spider onPillenger'schest)
Pil.Was it indeed?
Cray.Yes—fat brutes with as many legs to 'em as an Empire ballet—all over the walls by day—all over the bed at night. If you lit a candle you saw 'em—if you didn't you felt 'em. Pah! filthy devils! (sits exhausted) Could I have a whiskey and soda?
Pil.You haven't mentioned the object of your visit.
Cray.Man named Dorvaston hangs out here, don't he?
Pil.Captain Dorvaston is my guest at present.
Cray.Thought so. Promised to look him up. We're goin' to price a horse—a nailer—risin' thirteen—and well up to Dorvaston's weight—which is sayin' somethin'.
Pil.Captain Dorvaston's physique is substantial.
Cray.If he stood on your foot, I expect you'd ask him to move.
Pil.Probably!
Cray.He's goin' to be somethin' to you by marriage, ain't he?
Pil.He is affianced to my niece.
Cray.Hope he'll like it. (takes cigar out of case)
Pil.Why should he not, sir?
Cray.I daresay you stick up for marriage—double blessedness and all that kind of muck. (biting end of cigar)
Pil.I regard the married state as best calculated to confer the greatest happiness that—er—the——
Cray.Have you ever bin married? (looking up at him)
Pil.No.
Cray.(lights cigar) I thought not. You beggars are always jawin' about what you don't understand. You've never had D.T., but that wouldn't stop you preaching about drink. You've never bin married, and yet you get up in the pulpit and talk about Hell as if you knew the country.
Pil.May I ask, Mr.—er——
Cray.Crayll.
Pil.May I enquire, Mr. Crayll, ifyouare married?
Cray.(blows out light and smiles) Not at present.
(Dorvastoncomes out.)
Pil.Ah! Here is Captain Dorvaston.
Dor.(coming toPillengerC.) There's the paper you wanted, sir. It took a bit of finding. Keziah cleaned my room out yesterday. (gives it to him) Hulloa, Crayll! (slaps him on back and crossesL.)
Cray.Hulloa! (rises)
Pil.(toDorvaston) Now you have come, I will ask Mr. Crayll to excuse me.
Cray.Don't name it. (crosses toL.) Dorvaston will see to me. I daresay he knows where the whiskey's kept. (Dorvastonlaughs and goes up a step or two withPillenger)
Pil.(aside) Surely a most offensive person. (crosses up)
Dor.He's all right, sir. He takes a bit of knowing. (Pillengergoes into the house)
Cray.Now, for the Lord's sake get me a drop of whiskey to wash the parson out of my mouth.
Dor.(C.) Whiskey it is! Take potash with it?
Cray.A little potash. (crossesR.)
Dor.Right-O! Have a look at "Sporting Life"?
Cray.What d'ye fancy for the Leger?
Dor.Centipede! It's a dead snip. You should have a bit on it.
Cray.No, thank ye. Don't like the name—it's too spidery. (Dorvastongoes up to kitchen window unseen byCrayll.Crayllcrosses behind chair, gets "Sporting Life," comes roundL.of table, puts hat on ground, stick behind him, and starts to read paper)
Dor.Cook! Cook! (at windowCookappears)
Car.Yes?
Dor.Fact is, friend of mine has just turned up, and he's unusual thirsty. Would you bring him out a whiskey and potash?
Car.Certainly.
Dor.Very kind of you—extr'ordinary kind.
Car.Not at all. (she disappears from window.Dorvastongoes back toCrayll)
Dor.Look here, I'll run up and put another coat on, and then we'll start.
Cray.How about the whiskey?
Dor.It'll be here directly. (exits through French window)
Cray.Thank ye. (he resumes the newspaper;Cookcomes to tableR.with small tray containing whiskey, etc.; she brings it down to small table, and speaks before putting the tray down)
Car.Whiskey and potash!
Cray.All right! (he puts down cigar on tray and turns slowly, the paper falls. They face each other in mutual astonishment)
Cray.Goodness a'mighty! (slight pause) Is that you? (she is silent) Is that you? (speaking louder)
Car.Yes—what then?
Cray.Phew! (wipes his forehead) When I saw you standin' there, dressed like that, I thought I'd got 'em again. Damned if I didn't.
Car.Why?
Cray.Why, who'd expect to see Lady Huntworth masqueradin' as a cook.
Car.I'm not Lady Huntworth any longer. SurelyLord Huntworth is the last person who should need the reminder.
Cray.I'm not Lord Huntworth down here. My name's Crayll for the present.
Car.Really?
Cray.I'm keepin' out of the way—for—reasons.
Car.The local police don't strike me as being very shrewd.
Cray.Police! What d'you mean? It's duns I'm hidin' from.
Car.Duns!
Cray.It's debt—it ain't crime.
Car.Ah! not yet. Well, good-day, Mr. Crayll. I must go back to my cooking. (crosses up)
Cray.Here, hold on. Damn it, don't be in such a hurry. (crosses downC.) I want to talk to you.
Car.I have to baste the fowls.
Cray.Curse the beastly fowls. I must see you alone for half-an-hour, d'you hear?
Car.I hear.
Cray.It's infernal important. Will you meet me to-night?
Car.No.
Cray.Why not? What are you afraid of?
Car.I'm not afraid ofyou. I think you know that.
Cray.That long fool will be back in a minute. You'll see me somehow to-night, because—you've damned well got to—d'you understand?
Car.I haven't the smallest notion why you want to see me, but since fate has played me a final dirty trick by throwing us together again, perhaps wehadbetter understand each other. So you can come here this evening for half-an-hour. I shall be alone. You had better tap at the window.
Cray.That'll do—I'll come.
Car.What time shall I have the honor?
Cray.I'll get here about nine.
Car.(smiling) Nine! You must make it earlier than that. I expect I shall be rather busy about nine.
Cray.Eight-thirty then.
Car.Yes, that would suit me. (crosses to porch and then stops)
Cray.(turns and sees she is in hesitation) Is there anything else?
Car.(crosses downC.to him) As you seem to want to talk about something important you might break through a rule for once—and turn up in a possible condition.
Cray.Not come drunk—is that what you mean?
Car.No, I don't want to be unreasonable. At that time in the evening you are certain to be drunk,—but try not to betoodrunk to be coherent. I'll expect you at eight-thirty. (she goes up stage, stands at kitchen window; after she has goneCrayllpicks up cigar from tray and draws at it, finding it out he throws it down violently and swears. He then pours out whiskey and drinks.Dorvastoncomes out dressed for walking)
Dor.Ready, old chap? (Crayllhalf chokes)
Cray.In half-a-minute. (drinks more whiskey)
Dor.(speaking across toCook) Ah! Cook! friend and I are going for a stroll.
Car.It's a pleasant day for walking.
Dor.How is our mayonnaise coming on? (Craylllooks up on hearing this)
Car.Very well, I think.
Dor.That's all right! (toCrayll,who has been listening vacantly) Shall we get along?
Cray.Yes. (Dorvastongoes out at the gate;Crayllputs hat on, takes stick, rises, crossesL. C.,and looks back. As he does so,Cookturns and looks at him) Goodness A'mighty. (he then goes out at gate)
(After he has goneCookcomes down to the rustic table and takes up "Standard.")
Car.(reads) "Will Lady Huntworth communicate with Brampton and Stokes, Capel-Court, on a matter of considerable importance?" (she stands in thought for a moment, then turns and goes up, reading the paper as she goes)
Curtain.