"This is so extravagantly and so grossly ridiculous," said Ismene, "that it deserves no refutation. I cannot say," continued she, "which of these ladies Toys it is, that pretends to be so knowing in my affairs: but it has related things, of which my own does not know a syllable." "Madam," answered Cephisa, "I can assure you, that mine has gone no farther than giving ear." The rest said as much, and they sate down to play, without precisely knowing the interlocutor of the conversation above related.
Most of the ladies who made the party with the Manimonbanda, play'd with great eagerness; and it was not necessary to have Mangogul's sagacity, to perceive it. The passion of gaming is one of those that puts on the least disguise. It shews itself, whether in winning or losing, by strong symptoms. "But whence proceeds this fury?" said he within himself. "How can the ladies bear to pass whole nights round a Pharaoh table, to tremble in expectation of an ace or a seven? This phrensy injures their health and beauty, when they have any: without reckoning the disorders into which I am sure it precipitates them. I have a great desire," said he to Mirzoza in the ear, "to execute here a thought just come into my head." "And what is this fine thought, which you meditate?" said the favorite. "It is," answered Mangogul, "to turn my ring on the most unbridled of these brelandiers, to interrogate her Toy, and to transmit by that organ, a good advice to all those weak husbands, who allow their wives to stake the honour and fortune of their house on a card or a dye."
"I like this notion mightily," replied Mirzoza; "but know, Prince, that the Manimonbanda has just now sworn by her Pagoda's, that she would keep no more drawing-room nights, if ever she found herself again exposed to the impudence of Engastrimuthes." "What have you said, my soul's delight?" interrupted the Sultan. "I have," answered the favorite, "made use of the name, which the modest Manimonbanda gives to all those, whose Toys have the faculty of speech." "It is of the invention of her stupid Bramin, who values himself upon knowing the Greek, and being ignorant of the Congese language," replied the Sultan. "However, with the Manimonbanda's leave, and that of her chaplain too, I would desire to question Manilla's Toy; and it would be proper to make the interrogatories here, for the edification of the neighbours." "Prince," said Mirzoza, "if you take my word, you will spare the Manimonbanda the uneasiness this proceeding must give her: which you may do, without balking your own curiosity or mine. Why do you not go to Manilla's house?" "I will go, since you advise," said Mangogul. "But at what hour?" said the Sultana. "About midnight," answered the Sultan. "At midnight she is at play," said the favorite. "I will put off my visit then till two in the morning," replied Mangogul. "Prince, you don't consider," rejoined the favorite: "'tis the most pleasant hour of the four and twenty for female gamesters. If your highness will be led by me, you will take Manilla in her first sleep, between seven and eight."
Mangogul followed Mirzoza's advice, and visited Manilla about seven. Her women were going to put her to bed. He judged by the sadness predominant in her countenance, that she had play'd with bad luck. She walk'd to and fro, stopp'd, lifted her eyes to heaven, stamp'd with her foot, cover'd her eyes with her hands, and muttered somewhat, which the Sultan could not understand. Her women, who were undressing her, followed all these motions in panicks; and if they at length compassed getting her into bed, it was not done without receiving harsh language and something worse. Now Manilla is in bed, having made no other night prayer, but some curses against a damned ace, which came seven times successively to her loss. Scarcely had she closed her eyes, when Mangogul levell'd his ring at her. Instantly her Toy exclaimed in a sorrowful tone: "Now I am repiqued and capotted." The Sultan smiled to hear that every thing about Manilla, even to her Toy, spoke gaming. "No," continued the Toy, "I will never play against Abidul: he knows nothing but tricking. Speak to me no more of Dares: with him one runs the risq of some unlucky hits. Ismal is a pretty fair player, but every body has him not that would. Mazulim was a treasure, before he fell into the hands of Crissa. I don't know a more whimsical player than Zulmis. Rica is less so; but the poor lad is run dry. What can one do with Lazuli? The prettiest woman of Banza could not make him play high. What a piddling player Mollius is! In truth, desolation has spread among the gamesters: and e'er long we shall not know with whom to make a party."
After this Jeremiad, the Toy fell to relating uncommon strokes, of which it had been a witness; and excessively extoll'd the constancy and resources of its mistress in bad luck. "Were it not for me," it said, "Manilla would have ruin'd herself twenty times over. All the Sultan's treasures would not have discharged the debts that I have paid. In one match at breland she lost to a farmer of the revenue and anabbé, above ten thousand ducats. She had nothing left but her jewels: but her husband had so lately redeem'd them, that she dared not to venture them. Nevertheless she took the cards, and had one of those seducing hands, which fortune sends, when she is on the point of cutting your throat. They urged her to speak. Manilla look'd at her cards, put her hand into her purse, whence she was sure to pull nothing, return'd to her cards, examined them again, but without determining. 'Does madam stand it at last?' said the farmer. 'Yes; I stake,' said she,—'I stake—I stake my Toy.' 'For what value?' replied Turcares. 'For a hundred ducats,' said Manilla. Theabbéwithdrew, esteeming the Toy too high rated. Turcares declared at it: Manilla lost and paid.
"The silly vanity of possessing a titled Toy got the better of Turcares. He offered to supply my mistress with play-money, on condition that I should be subservient to his pleasures. The bargain was struck in a moment. But as Manilla play'd high, and the farmer was not inexhaustible, we soon saw the bottom of his coffers.
"My mistress had appointed a most brilliant party at Pharaoh. All her acquaintance were invited. They were to punt with nothing under ducats. We depended on the purse of Turcares. But the morning of this great day, the rascal wrote us word that he had not a penny, and left us in the utmost consternation. However, we must extricate ourselves, and there was not a moment to be lost. We pitch'd on an old chief of the Bramins, to whom we sold at a dear rate some complaisances, which he had sollicited a long time. This sitting cost him double the income of his ecclesiastical preferment.
"Turcares returned notwithstanding, in a few days. He said he was excessively concerned that madam had taken him at a nonplus: he still reckon'd on her goodness. 'Indeed you reckon ill, my dear,' replied Manilla: 'I cannot with decency receive you more. When you were in a condition to lend, the world knew why I admitted you: but now that you are good for nothing, you would blast my honour.'
"Turcares was piqued at this discourse, and so was I: for he was perhaps the best lad in Banza. He waved his usual politeness, and gave Manilla to understand, that she cost him more than three opera girls, who would have amused him better, 'Alas!' cried he most mournfully, 'why did I not stick to my little milliner? She loved me to folly. I made her so happy with a silk gown.'——Manilla, who did not relish comparisons, interrupted him in a tone, eno' to make one tremble, and bade him begone in an instant. Turcares knew her, and chose rather to return peaceably down stairs, than to leap thro' the window.
"After that, Manilla borrowed of another Bramin, who came, said she, to administer comfort in her afflictions. The holy man succeeded the farmer of the revenue, and we reimbursed him his comforts in the same coin. She lost me several times more, and 'tis well known that play-debts are the only ones that are paid among theBeau Monde.
"If Manilla happens to play with good luck, she is the most regular woman in Congo. Excepting her play, she takes surprising care of her conduct: she is never heard to swear an oath: she entertains well: she pays her mercer and other tradesmen, is liberal to her servants, redeems her nicknacks sometimes, and caresses her lap dog and her husband: but thirty times a month she risks these happy dispositions and her money on an ace of spades. Such is the life she leads, and will lead: and God knows how many times yet I shall be pawn'd."
Here the Toy ceased, and Mangogul went to take repose. He was awaken'd at five in the afternoon, and went to the opera, according to a promise made to the favorite.
Of all the public diversions of Banza, none supported itself but the opera. Utmiutsol and Utremifasolasiututut, two celebrated musicians, one of whom was growing old, and the other was but just new-fledged, alternately occupied the lyric scene. Each of these two original authors had his partisans. The ignorant and the grey-bearded dotards stood up for Utmiutsol; the smart young fellows and the Virtuosi were for Utremifasolasiututut: and the people of taste, as well young as old, held them both in high esteem. Utremifasolasiututut, said the latter, is excellent when he is good, but he sleeps at times; and, pray, to whom does not that happen? Utmiutsol holds up better, and is more uniform. He is full of beauties; yet he has not one, of which there are not examples to be found, and even more striking, in his rival; in whom there are strokes to be observed, which are entirely his own, and are not to be met with any where but in his works. Old Utmiutsol is simple, natural, smooth, sometimes too smooth, and that is his fault. Young Utremifasolasiututut is singular, brilliant, composed, learned, sometimes too learned: but perhaps that is his hearer's fault. The one has but one opening, beautiful indeed, but repeated at the head of all his pieces. The other has made as many openings as pieces, and they all pass for masterpieces. Nature guided Utmiutsol in the ways of melody; study and experience discovered the sources of harmony to Utremifasolasiututut. Who ever knew how to declaim, and who will ever speak a part like the old man? Who will compose light catches, voluptuous airs, and symphonies in character like the young one? Utmiutsol is the only person who understood dialogue. Before Utremifasolasiututut no body distinguished the delicate touches, which separate the tender from the voluptuous, the voluptuous from the passionate, the passionate from the lascivious. Nay some partisans of the latter pretend, that if Utmiutsol's dialogue is superior to his, this is not so much owing to the inequality of their talents, as to the difference of the poets, whom they made use of. "Read, read," cried they, "the scene of Dardanus, and you will be convinced, that if we give good words to Utremifasolasiututut, Utmiutsol's charming scenes will be revived." However that be, in my time, the whole town flock'd to the tragedies of the latter, and people stifled one another at the interludes of the former.
They were just then exhibiting in Banza an excellent piece of Utremifasolasiututut, which would never have been represented but in nightcaps, had not the favorite Sultana had the curiosity to see it. And besides, the periodical indisposition of Toys favored the jealousy of the fiddles, and made the principal actress flinch. She, who supplied her place, had not so good a voice, but as she made amends by her manner of acting, nothing hindered the Sultan and the favorite from honouring the piece with their presence.
Mirzoza was already come, Mangogul comes, the curtain is raised, they begin. Every thing went on marvellously well: Miss Chevalier had effaced the memory of Miss le Maure, and they were at the fourth act, when the Sultan bethought himself, in the middle of a chorus, which he thought lasted too long, and had already cost the favorite two yawns, to point his ring on all the singers. Never was there seen on the stage so odd and comical a sight. Thirty women were struck dumb on a sudden. Their mouths were wide open, and they kept the same theatrical attitudes they held before. And at the same time their Toys made their throats sore with the violence of singing, this aPont-neuf, that aVaudeville polisson, another a very indecent parody, and all of them extravagances relative to their characters. On one hand was heard,oh vraiment ma comere, oui; on the other,quoi douze fois?Here,qui me baise, est-ce Blaise?There,rien, Pere Cyprien, ne vous retient. In fine, they all wound themselves up into a strain, so high, so rude, and so mad, that they formed the most extravagant brawling ridiculous choir, that had been heard before and since that of——no——d——on——
Here the manuscript was worm-eaten.
All this while the Orchestra went on, and the loud laughs of the pit and boxes joined to the sound of the instruments, and the singing of the Toys, compleated the cacophony.
Some of the actresses, fearing lest their Toys, tired with quavering impertinences, might resolve to speak them out, ran behind the scenes: but they escaped with the fright only. Mangogul being perswaded that the public would learn nothing new, turn'd off his ring. In an instant all the Toys were silent, the bursts of laughter ceased, the audience grew calm, the play was resumed and finished peaceably. The curtain drop'd, the Sultana and Sultan went off, and the Toys of our actresses went to their several appointments, where they were to have a different employment from singing.
This affair made a great noise. The men laugh'd, the women were alarmed, the Bonza's were scandalized, the academicians rack'd their brains about it. But what did Orcotomus say? Orcotomus triumph'd. He had hinted in one of his memoirs, that the Toys would infallibly sing: they had sung accordingly, and this phænomenon, which disconcerted his brethren, was to him a new ray of light, and compleated the confirmation of his system.
It was on the fifteenth of the moon of ——, that Orcotomus had read his memoir to the academy, and communicated his thoughts on the tattle of the Toys. As he then did with the greatest assurance promise to produce infallible experiments, which he had repeated several times, and always with success; the majority of people was struck with his doctrine. For some time the public preserved the favorable impressions they had received: and for full six weeks Orcotomus pass'd for having made considerable discoveries.
Nothing was wanting to complete his triumph, but performing before the academy the famous experiments, which he had preached so loudly. The assembly that met on this occasion was extremely brilliant. The ministers of state graced the meeting: the Sultan himself did not disdain to be there, but invisible.
As Mangogul was a great Monologue maker, and the futility of the conversations of his time had tainted him with the habitude of soliloquy: "Either Orcotomus," said he, "must be an arrant quack, or the Genius my protector, a great fool. If the academician, who certainly is not a conjurer, can restore speech to dead Toys; the Genius who protects me was in the wrong to make a compact, and sell his soul to the devil, for the sake of communicating it to Toys full of life."
Mangogul was puzzling himself with such reflections, when he found himself in the middle of his academy. Orcotomus had for spectators, as appears, all those in Banza, who were knowing in the subject of Toys. In order to be satisfied with his audience, all he wanted was to give them satisfaction: but the issue of his experiments proved very unhappy. Orcotomus took up a Toy, put his mouth to it, blew into it till he was out of breath, quieted it, returned, tried another: for he had brought a variety of them with him, of all ages, sizes, conditions and colours: but in vain did he blow; nothing was heard but inarticulate sounds, vastly different from what he had promised.
Then ran a buzzing murmur thro' the company, which disconcerted him for a moment: but he recovered himself, and alledged that such experiments were not easy to be made before so great a number of people: and he was right.
Mangogul got up in wrath, went away, and in the twinkling of an eye was in the favorite Sultana's appartment. "Well, prince," said she upon seeing him, "who has won the day, you or Orcotomus? For his Toys have performed wonders to be sure." The Sultan took some turns about the room without a word of answer. "But," resumed the favorite, "your highness seems dissatisfied." "Oh! madam, the impudence of that Orcotomus is not to be match'd. Pray, do not so much as mention him from this moment—What will you say, O future generations, when you shall be informed, that the great Mangogul allowed a hundred thousand crowns in yearly pensions to such fellows; while gallant officers, who with their blood had watered the laurels that surround his brow, were reduced to twenty pound a year?——By Jove, the thought distracts me: I shall be out of humor this month to come."
Here Mangogul broke off, and continued to walk about the room. He hung down his head, marched to and fro, stop'd, and now and then stamp'd the floor with his foot. He sat down a moment, rose up in a hurry, took his leave of Mirzoza, forgot to kiss her, and retir'd to his own appartment.
The African author, who has immortalized himself by the history of the high and marvellous exploits of Erguebzed and Mangogul, continues in these words:
By Mangogul's ill humor it was thought, that he was on the point of banishing all the learned out of his dominions. Far from it, the next day he arose in a gay mood, performed his exercises at the riding-house in the morning, in the evening supp'd with Mirzoza and some favorites, under a magnificent tent in the gardens of the Seraglio, and never appeared more disengaged from affairs of state.
The dissatisfied and the disaffected of Congo, and the newsmongers of Banza, did not fail to spread their reports of this conduct. For what do not people of this stamp find fault with? "Is this," said they in the public walks and coffee-houses, "is this governing a state? To spend the day in tilting, and the night at table." "Well, if I was Sultan," cried a little Senator ruined by gaming, parted from his wife, and whose children had the worst of education, "if I was Sultan, I would make Congo a flourishing empire. I would be the terror of my enemies, and the darling of my subjects. Within six months I would reestablish the Police, the laws, the army and the navy in their full vigour. I would have a hundred ships of the line. Our heaths should soon be grub'd up, and our high-ways repair'd. I would abolish the taxes, or at least reduce them to one half. As for pensions, gentlemen of sublime wit, by my faith, ye should but just taste them with the tip of your tongues. Good officers, Pongo Sabiam, good officers, old soldiers, magistrates like us, who devote our labours and night studies to dealing out justice to the people; these are the men on whom I would shed my bounty."
"Gentlemen," said an old toothless politician, with greasy flat hair, a coat worn out at elbows, and ragged ruffles, "have ye quite forgot our great emperor Abdelmalek, of the Dynasty of the Abyssinians, who reigned two thousand three hundred and eighty five years ago? Have ye forgot how he caused two astronomers to be impaled, for an error of three minutes in their prediction of an eclipse; and his first physician and surgeon to be dissected alive, for having ordered him a dose of manna at an improper time?"
"Moreover I ask you," continued another, "what are those idle Bramins good for, that vermin who suck our blood, and grow fat on it. Would not their immense overflowing riches better become honest folks like us."
From another quarter was heard: "Forty years ago, were the new cookery and the liquors of Lorraine so much as known? Our rulers are plung'd deep into luxury, which threatens approaching destruction to the empire, a necessary consequence of the contempt of the Pagoda's and dissolution of morals. At the time when people eat but coarse meats, and drank but sherbet at Kanaglou's table; what regard would be paid to the cut-paper ornaments, to Martin's varnishes, and to Rameau's music? The opera girls were not more cruel then than at present, and were to be had much cheaper. The prince, you see, spoils many good things. But if I was Sultan——"
"If thou wert Sultan," answered in wrath an old officer, who had escaped the dangers of the battle of Fontenoy, and had lost an arm close to his prince in the fight of Laufelt; "thou wouldst commit greater impertinences than thou now dealst out. Eh, friend, thou can'st not govern thy tongue, and thou wouldst willingly rule an empire: thou hast not sense to manage thy family, and thou pretendst to guide a state. Respect the powers of the earth, and thank the Gods for having given thee birth in the empire, and in the reign of a prince, whose prudence instructs his ministers, and whose soldiery admire his valor; who has made himself dreaded by his enemies, and beloved by his people; and whose only fault is the lenity with which persons of thy stamp are treated under his government."
After the learned had spent themselves on the Toys, the Bramins took possession of them. Religion laid claim to their chit-chat, as a subject that came within its jurisdiction, and its ministers pretended that the hand of Brama manifested itself in that work.
There was held a general assembly of Pontiffs, and a resolution was taken to employ the best pens to prove in form, that the thing was supernatural, and that, till their works could be published, it should be defended by way of theses in the schools, in private conversations, in the direction of consciences, and in public harangues.
Now, altho' they unanimously agreed that the thing was supernatural; yet as the people of Congo admitted two principles, and professed a sort of Manicheism, they were divided in opinion, to which of these two principles the chit-chat of the Toys ought to be attributed.
Those who had seldom or never been out of their cells, and had turned over nothing but their books, ascribed the prodigy to Brama. "There is none but he," said they, "that can interrupt the course of nature; and time will shew, that in all this he has most profound views."
Those on the contrary, who frequented the toilets, and were oftner surprized at bed-sides than in their closets, fearing lest some indiscreet Toy or other might unveil their hypocrisy, laid their prattle to the charge of Cadabra, a mischief-making deity, and a sworn enemy to Brama and his servants. This latter system was exposed to terrible objections, and had not so direct a tendency towards the reformation of morals. Nay, its defenders did not impose on themselves about it. But the business was, to screen themselves: and in order to compass that, religion had not a single minister, who would not have sacrificed the Pagodas and their Altars a hundred times over.
Mangogul and Mirzoza assisted regularly at the religious service of Brama, and the whole empire was informed thereof by the news-papers. On a certain day appointed for celebrating one of the principal solemnities in the great Mosq, they were present. The Bramin, whose turn it was to explain the law, mounted the rostrum, pour'd forth a volley of affected phrases and fulsome compliments on the Sultan and his favorite; and made an eloquent peroration on the manner of sitting orthodoxly in company. He had already demonstrated the necessity thereof by numberless authorities, when being instantaneously seized with a fit of sacred enthusiasm, he spoke this declamation, which had the greater effect, as it came in quite unexpected.
"What do I hear in all assemblies? a confused murmur, an unheard noise strikes my ears. All things are turn'd topsy-turvy, and the faculty of speech, which the goodness of Brama had hitherto appropriated to the tongue, is now by an effect of his vengeance transported to other organs. And what organs? You know, gentlemen. O ungrateful people, was there a necessity for a new prodigy, to rouze ye from your lethargy; and had not your crimes witnesses enough, but their principal instruments must raise their voice? Doubtless their measure is filled up; since the wrath of heaven has sought new chastisements. In vain did you envelop yourself in darkness, in vain did you choose mute accomplices: do you not hear them at present? They have given depositions against ye from every quarter, and revealed your baseness to the universe. O thou who governest by thy wisdom! O Brama! just are thy judgments. Thy law condemns theft, perjury, lying and adultery: it proscribes the blackness of calumny, the intrigues of ambition, the fury of hatred, and the artifices of insincerity. Thy faithful ministers have not ceased declaring these truths to thy children, and threatening them with the chastisements, which thou in thy just anger reservedst for prevaricators: but in vain; the fools have delivered themselves up to the tide of their passions, they followed the torrent, they have despised our admonitions, they have laughed at our threats, they have regarded our anathema's as empty noise; their vices are accumulated, strengthen'd, multiplied; the voice of their impiety has ascended even to thy throne, and we have not been able to prevent the tremendous scourge, with which thou hast smote them. After having long implored thy mercy, let us now extoll thy justice. Overwhelmed by thy strokes, doubtless they will return to thee, and acknowledge the hand which is laid heavy on them. But O prodigy of hardheartedness! O excess of blindness! They have imputed the effect of thy power to the blind mechanism of nature. They have said in their hearts, Brama is not. All the properties of matter are not known to us, and the new proof of its existence is but a proof of the ignorance and credulity of those, who object it to us. On this foundation they have raised systems, invented hypotheses, tried experiments: but from the highth of his eternal habitation, Brama has laugh'd at their vain projects. He has confounded audacious knowledge, and the Toys have broke, as glass, the impotent obstacles opposed to their loquacity. Wherefore let those vainglorious worms confess the weakness of their reason, and the vanity of their efforts. Let them cease to deny the existence of Brama, or to prescribe limits to his power. Brama is, he is almighty, and he does not shew himself to us more visibly in his dreadful scourges, than in his ineffable favours.
"But who has drawn down these scourges on this wretched country? Is it not thy injustice, greedy incredulous man? Thy gallantries and silly amours, worldly immodest woman! Thy excesses and shameful debaucheries, infamous man of pleasure! Thy hardheartedness for our monasteries, miser! Thy injustice, corrupt magistrate! Thy usuries, insatiable money-dealer! Thy effeminacy and irreligion, impious and sycophant courtier.
"And you, on whom this scourge is particularly fallen, women and maidens plunged into licentiousness; tho' we, renouncing the duties of our calling, should keep profound silence with regard to your irregularities, you carry about you a more importunate voice than ours: it accompanies you, and will every where rebuke you for your impure desires, your equivocal connections, your criminal conversations, such excessive care to please, so many artifices to engage, so much address to fix, and the impetuosity of your transports, and the fury of your jealousy. Why then do you delay to shake off the yoke of Cadabra, and return under the mild laws of Brama? But let us return to our subject. Well then I was saying that worldlings sit down heretically, and that for nine reasons; the first, &c."
This discourse made very different impressions. Mangogul and the Sultana, who were the only persons that knew the secret of the ring, were convinced that the Bramin had as happily hit off the tattle of Toys by the assistance of religion, as Orcotomus by the light of reason. The court ladies and petits-maitres declared the sermon seditious, and the preacher a visionary. The rest of the audience esteem'd him a prophet, shed tears, fell to prayers, and even flagellations, and did not change their courses of life.
The noise of this sermon spread to the very coffee-houses. A wit pronounced in a decisive tone, that the Bramin had but very superficially handled the subject, and that his discourse was but a cold insipid declamation: but in the opinion of the devout women and the enlightened, it was the most solid piece of eloquence that had been delivered in the temples these hundred years. And in mine, both the wit and the devout women were in the right.
While the Bramins were making Brama speak, airing their Pagoda's by processions, and exhorting the people to repentance; others were thinking how to reap benefit by the prattle of Toys.
Great cities swarm with persons, whom misery renders industrious.—They neither rob nor pick pockets: but they are to pick-pockets, what pick-pockets are to gamblers. They know every thing, they do every thing. They go up and down, they insinuate themselves. They are found at court, in the city, at Westminster hall, at church, at the play, at ladies toilets, in coffee-houses, at balls, opera's and in academies. They are any thing that you would have them be. Do you sollicit a pension, they have the minister's ear. Have you a law-suit, they will sollicite for you. Do you love gaming, they will make a party with you; good chear, they keep a good kitchen; women, they will introduce you to Amina or Acaris. From which of the two would you please to purchase the distemper? Take your choice, they will undertake your cure. Their chief occupation is to find the ridicules of private persons, and to make advantage of the follies of the public. From them it is, that papers are distributed in the streets, at the gates of temples, at the play-house doors, and other public places, by which you are advertised gratis, that such an one living at the Louvre, St. John's, the temple, or the abby, at such a sign, dupes mankind at home from nine in the morning to noon, and abroad the rest of the day.
Scarce had the Toys began to speak, when one of these sharpers fill'd the houses of Banza with a printed bill of this form and tenor.——Advertisement to the ladies. And underneath in small Italic, by permission of my lord the great Seneschal, and with the approbation of the gentlemen of the royal academy of sciences. And lower down: The Sieur Eolipila of the royal academy of Banza, Member of the royal society of Monoémugi, of the imperial academy of Biafara, of the academy of the curious of Loango, of the society of Camur in Monomotapa, of the institute of Ereeco, and of the royal academies of Beleguanza and Angola; who has for many years given courses of baubles, with the applause of the court, the town, and the province; has, in favour of the fair sex, invented muzzles or portable gags, which deprive Toys of the use of speech, without obstructing their natural functions. They are neat and convenient. He has some of all sizes, of all prices, and for all ages: and he has had the honour to serve persons of the highest distinction with them.
There is nothing like being a member of a body of men. Be a work ever so ridiculous, it is puff'd into success. Thus it was, that Eolipila's invention gain'd ground. People flock'd to his house. The gay ladies went thither in their own equipages, prudent women in hackney-coaches; the devouts sent their confessors or footmen, and nuns their door-keepers. Every body must have a muzzle, so that not one from the dutchess down to the cobler's Joan, but had one either for the fashion or for reasons.
The Bramins, who had declared the prattle of Toys to be a divine punishment, and flatter'd themselves with a reformation of manners and other advantages from it, could not without horror see a machine, which eluded the vengeance of heaven and their hopes. Scarcely had they come down from their pulpits, but they mount again, thunder, roar, make the oracles to speak, and pronounce that a muzzle is an infernal machine, and that there is no salvation for those who shall use them. "Carnal women, quit your muzzles; submit," cried they, "to the will of Brama. Permit the voice of your Toys to awaken that of your consciences, and blush not to acknowledge crimes, which you have not been ashamed to commit."
But their exclamations were of little avail: the same fate attended muzzles, that had formerly attended the gowns without sleeves. The preachers were left to catch cold in the temples. All the women took gags, and quitted them not, either till they found them useless, or were tired of them.
For some days past the Sultan left the Toys at rest. Important affairs, on which he was busy, suspended the effects of his ring. In this interval it was, that two women of Banza made diversion for the whole town.
They were professed devouts. They had managed their intrigues with all possible discretion, and were in full enjoyment of a reputation, which even the malice of those of their own class paid respect to. In the mosques nothing was talk'd of but their virtue. Mothers proposed them as patterns to their daughters, and husbands to their wives. The principal maxim of both was, that scandal is the greatest of all sins. This conformity of sentiments, but above all, the difficulty of edifying a clear-sighted and crafty neighbour at an easy expence, had got the better of the difference of their tempers, and they were very good friends.
Zelida received Sophia's Bramin: and it was at Sophia's house that Zelida confer'd with her director; and by a little self-examination, the one could hardly be ignorant of what concerned the other's Toy: but the whimsical indiscretion of these Toys kept them both in cruel apprehensions. They held themselves as on the point of being unmask'd, and of losing that reputation of virtue, which had cost them fifteen years dissimulation and management, and which now embarassed them very much.
At some moments they would even forfeit their lives, especially Zelida, to be as much blasted as the greatest part of their acquaintance. "What will the world say? What will my husband do?——What! that woman so reserved, so modest, so virtuous, that Zelida, like others, is but——Alas! this thought distracts me!——Yes, I wish I never had any reputation," cried Zelida in a passion.
She was then with her female friend, who was making the same reflections, but without such violent commotion. Zelida's last words made her smile. "Laugh, madam, without constraint. Burst out," said Zelida, touched to the quick. "To be sure you have good cause." "I am as sensible of the impending danger, as you can be," answered Sophia, with an air of indifference; "but how to shun it? For you will agree with me, that there is no likelyhood that your wish will be accomplish'd."
"Contrive an expedient then," replied Zelida: "Oh!" said Sophia, "I am tired of rummaging my brain, I can find none.——To bury one's self in a country seat, is one way; but to abandon the pleasures of Banza, and renounce life, is what I will never do. I perceive that my Toy will never approve it." "What is to be done then?" "What! to leave all to providence, and laugh, as I do, at what the world will say. I have tried all shifts to reconcile reputation with pleasures: but since it is decreed that we must renounce reputation, let us at least preserve pleasures. We were uniques: but now, my dear, we shall be like a hundred thousand others; do you look on this as a hard fate?"
"Yes, without doubt," replied Zelida; "to me it seems hard to be like those, for whom I had put on a sovereign contempt. In order to avoid this mortification, methinks I would fly to the world's end."
"Set out, my dear," continued Sophia; "for my part, I stay—Butà propos, I advise you to furnish yourself with some secret, to prevent your Toy from blabbing on the road."
"Indeed," replied Zelida, "pleasantry here has a very ill grace, and your intrepidity——"
"You are mistaken, Zelida, there is not a grain of intrepidity in my proceeding. To let things go their own way, when we cannot stop them, is resignation. I see that I am to be dishonoured: well then, dishonour for dishonour, I shall spare myself as much of the uneasiness as I can."
"Dishonour'd!" replied Zelida, bursting into tears. "Dishonour'd! What a shock! I cannot bear it.—Oh! accursed Bonza, 'tis thou that hast ruin'd me. I loved my husband, I was born virtuous; I should have loved him still, if thou hadst not made a wicked use of thy ministry and my confidence. Dishonour'd, dear Sophia!——"
She had not power to make an end. Sobs intercepted her words, and she fell on the carpet, quite in despair. As soon as Zelida recovered her speech, she cried out in a lamentable tone: "Alas! my dear Sophia, I shall die——I must die. No, I shall never survive my reputation."
"But Zelida, my dear Zelida, do not be in a hurry to die: perhaps," said Sophia——"No perhaps shall stop me, I must dye."——"But perhaps one might"——"One might do nothing, I tell you"——"But speak, my dear, what might one do?"——"Perhaps one might hinder a Toy from talking." "Ah! Sophia, you endeavour to comfort me by false hopes, you deceive me." "No, no, I do not deceive you; only hear me, instead of distracting yourself like a mad creature. I have heard talk of Frenicol, Eolipila, gags and muzzles." "Pray, what connexion is there between Frenicol, Eolipila, muzzles, and the danger which threatens us? What business has my Toyman here, and what is a muzzle?"
"It is this, my dear. A muzzle is a machine invented by Frenicol, approved by the academy, and improved by Eolipila, who claims the honour of the invention." "But pray, this machine invented by Frenicol, approved by the academy, and improved by that silly fellow Eolipila."——"Oh! you are of a vivacity that surpasses imagination. Well then, this machine being applied to a Toy, renders it discreet in spite of its teeth."——"Can this be true, my dear?" "It is so said." "We must know it," replied Zelida, "and immediately too."
She rang, one of her women appeared, and she sent for Frenicol. "Why not for Eolipila?" said Sophia. "Frenicol is less taken notice of," answered Zelida.
The Toyman came away with the messenger. "Ah! Frenicol, are you there," said Zelida, "you are welcome. Make haste, my friend, to extricate two women out of cruel anxiety."—"What is the business, ladies? Would you please to have some rare Toys?"—"No, we have two already, and we would willingly"—"Part with them, I suppose. Pray, ladies, let me see them, I will take them, or we will make an exchange."—"You are mistaken, Mr. Frenicol, we have nothing to truck."—"Well, I understand you, you have some ear-rings, which you would desire to lose, so as that your husbands may find them in my shop."——"Not that neither; pray, Sophia, inform him of the matter." "Frenicol," continued Sophia, "we want two——What, don't you understand?" "No, madam: how would you have me understand, when you say nothing?"——"'Tis," said Sophia, "because when a woman is modest, it gives her pain to speak plain on certain things." "But yet," replied Frenicol, "she must speak plain. I am a Toyman, not a Conjuror."——"You must guess however."——"Faith, ladies, the more I look on ye, the less I comprehend ye. When a lady is young, rich, and pretty as you are, she is not reduced to artifice: moreover, I declare sincerely, that I sell them no longer. I have left the dealing in those baubles to young beginners in the trade."
Our devouts found the Toyman's mistake so ridiculous, that they both burst out into a violent fit of laughter, which disconcerted him. "Permit me, ladies, to make my bow, and withdraw. You might well have spared yourselves the trouble of sending for me three miles off, to divert yourselves at my cost." "Stop, stop, friend," said Zelida, still laughing on. "That was not our intention. But by your misapprehending us, such ridiculous notions came into your head."——"'Tis in your power, ladies, to put juster into it. What is the business?" "Oh! Mr. Frenicol, let me laugh at ease, before I answer you."
Zelida laugh'd till she panted for breath. The Toyman thought within himself that she had the vapors, or was out of her senses, and had patience. At length Zelida ceased.——"Well," said she, "the business relates to our Toys, our own Toys, do you understand me, Mr. Frenicol? To be sure you cannot be ignorant, that for some time past several Toys have prattled like magpyes: now we would be very glad that ours would not follow this bad example." "Ah! now I take it, that is to say," replied Frenicol, "that you want a muzzle each."——"Very right, you have hit it off truly. I have been told that Mr. Frenicol was no fool." "Madam, your goodness is very great. As to what you require, I have of all sorts, I go this moment to bring you some."
Frenicol went accordingly: in the mean while Zelida embraced her friend, and thank'd her for her expedient: and I, says the African author, went to take a nap, waiting his return.
The Toyman returned, and presented the ladies with two muzzles of the best sort.——"Ah! mercy!" cried Zelida. "What enormous muzzles are these! And who are the unhappy women, whom these will fit? This is an ell long. Indeed, friend, you must certainly have taken measure by the Sultan's mare."——"Yes," said Sophia indolently, after having measured them with her fingers, "you are in the right; and there is but the Sultan's mare and old Rimosa, for whom these can do."——"I protest, ladies, that they are of the common size; and that Zelmaida, Zyrphila, Amiana, and a hundred other ladies, have of the same sort." "That is impossible," said Zelida.——"'Tis actually so however," replied Frenicol: "but they all said the same thing as ye have: and as they have, so may you undeceive yourselves by trying them on." "Mr. Frenicol may say what he will; but he shall never perswade me that this will fit me," said Zelida, "nor this me," said Sophia. "Let him shew us others, if he has any."
Frenicol, who had often experienced that women are not to be converted on that article, shew'd them muzzles for the age of thirteen. "Well," cried both at the same time, "these are such as we want." "I wish they may prove so," whisper'd Frenicol aside. "How do you sell them?" said Zelida. "But ten ducats a piece, madam."——"Ten ducats, you forget yourself, Frenicol."——"Madam, that is the price in conscience."——"You make us pay for the novelty."——"I protest, ladies, 'tis but two sixpences for a shilling." "I must own they are neatly made, but ten ducats are a great deal of money."——"I'll abate nothing."——"We will go to Eolipila's."——"You may, ladies: but there are workmen and workmen, muzzles and muzzles." Frenicol held firm, and Zelida came to. She paid for the two muzzles, and the Toyman went back, fully perswaded that they would be too little for them, and would soon be returned on his hands for a fourth part of the price he received for them. He was mistaken. Mangogul not happening to come within reach of turning his ring on those two women, their Toys were not seized with the humor of talking louder than ordinary; and happily for them: for Zelida having tried her muzzle, found it too little by one half. However, she did not part with it, fancying that it would be pretty near as inconvenient to change it, as not to make use of it at all.
These circumstances came to light from one of her women, who told them in confidence to her lover, who related them in confidence to others, who spread them all over Banza under the seal of secresy. Nor was Frenicol silent: the adventure of the devouts became public, and for sometime afforded employment to the calumniators of Congo.
Zelida became inconsolable upon it. This woman, more to be pitied than blamed, conceived an aversion for her Bramin, quitted her husband, and shut herself up in a convent. As for Sophia, she threw off the mask, despised censures, patch'd and painted, frequented public places, and had adventures.
Tho' the female cits of Banza doubted whether Toys of their rank would be honoured with the gift of speech; yet they all furnish'd themselves with muzzles. In Banza muzzles became as common, as a general court mourning in this country.
Here the African author observes with astonishment, that neither the lowness of the price, nor the commonness of muzzles put them out of fashion in the Seraglio. "This once," says he, "utility got the better of prejudice." So trite a reflection was not worth the pains of repeating: but to me it seems as if it was the defect of all the ancient authors of Congo, to fall into repetitions; whether they thereby hoped to give a greater air of truth and facility to their productions; or that they were far from having as much fecundity of invention as their admirers ascribe to them.
However that be, one day Mangogul, walking in his gardens, attended by his whole court, took the maggot to level his ring at Zelais. She was handsome, and suspected of several adventures: yet her Toy did no more than stammer, and utter'd only some few mangled words, which had no meaning, and which the Blasters interpreted as they thought fit.——"Pshuh!" says the Sultan, "here is a Toy that has a vast impediment of speech. Most certainly there must be somewhat that impedes its respiration." Wherefore he applied his ring more intensely. The Toy made a second effort to speak; and in some measure surmounting the obstacle, that stop'd its mouth, these words were heard very distinctly. "Alas! alas!—I am—I am—I am stifled. I can no more.—Alas! alas! I am stifled."
Immediately Zelais found herself going: she grew pale, her neck swell'd, and she fell, with her eyes shut and mouth half open, between the arms of those who stood around her.
Any where else Zelais would have been speedily relieved. 'Twas only debarrassing her of her muzzle, and allowing her Toy a freedom of respiration: but how to lend the helping hand in Mangogul's presence. "Quick, quick, physicians," cried the Sultan, "Zelais is dying."
Some pages ran to the palace, and returned, with the doctors gravely marching after them. Orcotomus was at their head. Some gave their opinion for bleeding, others for thekermes mineral; but the penetrating Orcotomus ordered Zelais to be carried to a neighbouring closet, examined her, and cut the braces of her harness. This muzzled Toy was one of those, which he boasted to have seen in the paroxysm.
However, the bloating was excessive, and Zelais would have continued to suffer, had not the Sultan had pity on her condition. He turn'd off his ring, the fluids return'd to their equilibrium. Zelais came to herself, and Orcotomus assumed the honour of this miraculous cure.
Zelais's accident and her physician's indiscretion, made the muzzles lose much of their credit. Orcotomus, without any regard to Eolipila's interest, proposed to himself to raise his own fortune on the ruins of the others; advertised himself as a patentee physician of Toys that had caught cold: and some of his bills are to be seen at this day in the by-streets. He began by getting money, and ended by falling into contempt. The Sultan took pleasure in lowering the presumption of the empiric. Did Orcotomus boast of silencing a Toy that had never utter'd a word? Mangogul had the cruelty to make it speak. People went so far as to remark, that any Toy that was tired of silence, need only have two or three visits from Orcotomus. In a little time he was rank'd with Eolipila in the class of quacks; and they will both continue therein, until it shall please Brama to take them out.
Shame was preferred to the apoplexy. "The one kills," said the women, "the other does not." Wherefore they renounced their muzzles; let their Toys talk on; and no body died thereby.
There was a time, as we have seen, when the women dreaded the prating of their Toys, were stifled, and died away; but another succeeded, when they set themselves above this dread, threw away their muzzles, and had nothing beyond the vapors.
The favorite, among her attendants, had a very singular young lady. Her humour was charming, tho' uneven. She changed countenance ten times a day; but whatever face she put on, was pleasing. Unique in her melancholy, as well as in her gaiety, there slip'd from her, in her most extravagant moments, things of exquisite sense; and in her fits of sadness she uttered very diverting extravagances.
Mirzoza was so used to Callirhoe (for that is the name of this young mad girl) that she could hardly be without her. One time that the Sultan complain'd to the favorite of somewhat restless and cold, which he remark'd in her; "Prince," said she, embarrassed at his reproach, "without my three beasts, my nightingale, my lap-dog and Callirhoe, I am good for nothing; and you see that I have not the last." "And why is she not here?" said Mangogul. "I can't tell," answered Mirzoza; "but I remember, that some months ago she told me, that if Mazul made the campaign, she could not avoid having the vapors; and Mazul set out yesterday." "I easily excuse her," said the Sultan: "for I look on her vapors to be well grounded. But upon what account do a hundred other women take it into their heads to be vapor'd, who have young husbands, and besides take care to be well provided with lovers?" "Prince," answered a courtier, "'tis a fashionable disease. It is genteel in a woman to have the vapors. Without a lover and the vapors, she knows nothing of the world: and there is not a citizen's wife in Banza, who does not affect to have them."
Mangogul smiled, and resolved to visit some of these vaporish women immediately. He went directly to Salica's house, and found her in bed, with her neck quite bare, her eyes flaming, and her hair dishevel'd; and at her bed's side the little stammering hump-back'd physician Farfadi, telling her stories: while she was stretching out, now one arm, then another, yawning, sighing, putting her hand to her head, and exclaiming bitterly: "Alas I can't bear it—throw the windows open—give me air—I shall faint, I shall dye.——"
Mangogul took advantage of the moment that her affrighted women were assisting Farfadi in lightening the bed-cloaths, to turn his ring on her, and instantly these words were heard: "Oh! how tired I am of this humor! behold, madam has taken into her noddle to have the vapors. This farce will last eight days at least, and may I dye, if I know the cause: for after Farfadi's efforts to ferret out this disease, I think it is in the wrong to continue."—"Good," said the Sultan turning off his ring, "I understand. This dame has the vapors in favor of her physician. Let us try elsewhere."
He went from Salica's house to that of Arsinoe, which is not far from it. On entering her chambers he heard loud bursts of laughter, and advanced, thinking to find her in company: but she was alone; and Mangogul was not much surprized. "A woman who gives herself the vapors," says he, "gives them melancholy or merry, as is most convenient." He turn'd his ring on her, and presently her Toy began to laugh unmercifully. From these immoderate laughing fits it made a sudden transition to ridiculous lamentations on the absence of Narces, whom it advised as a friend to hasten his return; and continued to sob, weep, groan, sigh, and be comfortless, as if it had buried all its relations.
The Sultan, who could hardly refrain from laughing aloud at so whimsical an affliction, turn'd off his ring and departed; leaving Arsinoe and her Toy to lament at leisure, and inferring the falsity of the proverb.
Mangogul returning to his palace, pondering on the ridiculous airs which women give themselves, found himself, whether thro' absence of mind, or some blunder of his ring, under the portico of the sumptuous building, which Thelis has decorated with the rich spoils of her lovers. He embraced the opportunity, to interrogate her Toy.
Thelis was the wife of the Emir Sambuco, whose ancestors had reign'd in Guinea. Sambuco had acquired a high reputation in Congo, by five or six signal victories, which he had gain'd over Erguebzed's enemies. As he was not a less able negotiator than a great captain, he had been employ'd in embassies of the greatest consequence, and executed his high trust with superior talents. On his return from Loango he saw Thelis, and was smitten. He was then upon the brink of fifty, and Thelis was not above twenty-five. She was rather agreeable than a beauty: the women said she was well enough, and the men thought her charming. Powerful matches sought her; but whether she had already fix'd her notions, or that there was too great a disproportion of fortune between her and her admirers, they were all rejected. Sambuco saw her, laid at her feet immense riches, a great name, laurels, and titles inferior to none but those of sovereigns, and obtain'd her.
Thelis was, or appear'd virtuous for six whole weeks after her marriage. But a Toy born voluptuous, seldom conquers itself; and a quinquagenarian husband, tho' otherwise ever so great a hero, is a madman, if he flatters himself with conquering such an enemy. Altho' Thelis mix'd prudence with her conduct, her first adventures were not unknown. This was sufficient for supposing afterwards, that she had others undisclosed: and Mangogul, desirous of full information, hastened to pass from the porch of her palace into her appartment.
It was then the middle of summer. The heat was excessive, and Thelis, after dining, had thrown herself on a couch, in a back closet adorned with glasses and paintings. She was a-sleep, her hand leaning on a collection of Persian tales, which had lull'd her to repose.
Mangogul view'd her some time, allowed that she had charms, and turn'd his ring on her. "I remember it as perfectly as if it had been yesterday: nine proofs of love in four hours. Ah! what moments! Zermounzaid is a divine man! He is not the old frozen Sambuco.—Dear Zermounzaid, I had been ignorant of true pleasures, real good: you alone made me sensible of them."
Mangogul, desirous of learning the particulars of Thelis's commerce with Zermounzaid, which the Toy kept from him, by dwelling on what affects a Toy the most feelingly, rubb'd the stone of his ring for some time against his waistcoat, and levell'd it, quite sparkling with light, at Thelis. Its influence soon reach'd her Toy, which being thereby better informed of what was required of it, re-assumed its discourse in a more historical strain.
"Sambuco commanded the Monoémugian army, and I followed him to the field. Zermounzaid served under him in quality of a colonel, and the general, who honoured him with his confidence, had put us under his escort. The zealous Zermounzaid did not abandon his post: he thought it too pleasing, to resign it: and the danger of losing it was the only one he fear'd during the whole campaign.
"While we were in winter quarters, I entertained a few new guests; Cacil, Jekia, Almamoun, Jasub, Selim, Manzora, Nereskim, all military men, who were commended by Zermounzaid, but were inferior to him. The credulous Sambuco relied for his wife's virtue on herself, and on Zermounzaid's care: and being entirely taken up with the immense business of the war, and the great operations which he was meditating for the glory of Congo, he never had the least suspicion either of the treachery of Zermounzaid, or the infidelity of Thelis.
"The war continued; the armies took the field, and we our litters. As they went a very slow pace, the main body of the army gain'd ground of us, and we found ourselves in the rear, which Zermounzaid commanded. This gallant youth, whom the sight of the greatest dangers had never made to swerve a foot from the path of glory, could not resist that of pleasure. He entrusted a subaltern with the care of watching the motions of the enemy, who harrassed us; and got up into our litter: but he was hardly there, when we heard a confused noise of arms and outcries. Zermounzaid, leaving his business half done, attempts to jump out: but he is level'd with the ground, and we become a prey to the conqueror.
"Thus I began by swallowing up the honor and services of an officer, who from his valour and merit might have expected the highest military employments, if he had never known his general's wife. Upwards of three thousand men fell in this action; and therefore of so many good subjects have we robb'd the nation."
Let any one, if he can, imagine Mangogul's surprize at this discourse. He had heard Zermounzaid's funeral oration, and did not know him by these features. His father Erguebzed had regretted this officer: the news-papers, after lavishing the highest eulogies on his fine retreat, had attributed his defeat and death to the enemy's superior numbers, which, as they said, were found to be six to one. All Congo had lamented a man, who had done his duty so well. His wife obtain'd a pension: his regiment was given to his eldest son, and an ecclesiastical preferment promised to his younger.
"What horror!" cried Mangogul, but softly. "A husband dishonor'd, the state betray'd, subjects sacrificed, crimes not only concealed, but even rewarded as virtues: and all that for a Toy."
Thelis's Toy, which had stopt to take breath, continued: "Thus am I abandoned to the enemy's discretion. A regiment of dragoons was ready to fall upon us. Thelis seem'd quite frighted, and yet wish'd nothing more ardently: but the charms of the prey sowed discord among the plunderers. The scimiters were drawn, and thirty or forty men were massacred in the twinkling of an eye. The noise of this disorder reach'd the general officer. He ran thither, calmed the furious soldiers, and sequestrated us under a tent; where we had not time to know ourselves, when he came and demanded the price of his good services. 'Woe to the vanquished,' cried Thelis, falling backward on a bed: and the whole night was spent in feeling her misfortune.
"The next day we found ourselves on the banks of the Niger. A saick was waiting for us, and my mistress and I set out, in order to be presented to the emperor of Benin. In this twenty-four hours voyage the captain of the vessel offer'd himself to Thelis, and was accepted: and I found by experience, that the sea service is infinitely brisker than the land service.
"We saw the emperor of Benin. He was young, ardent, voluptuous. Thelis made a conquest of him: but those of her husband affrighted the monarch. He demanded peace: and the price, at which he purchased it, was but three provinces and my ransom.
"Different times, different fatigues. Sambuco came to know, I can't tell how, the reason of the misfortunes of the preceding campaign; and during this, he deposited me with a friend of his, a chief of the Bramins, on the frontiers. The holy man made but a weak defence: he was ensnared by the wiles of Thelis, and in less than six months devoured his immense income, three lakes and two forests."
"Mercy," cried Mangogul, "three lakes and two forests! What an appetite for a Toy!"
"'Tis a mere trifle," resumed the Toy. "Peace was made, and Thelis accompanied her husband in his embassy to Monomotapa. She gamed, and very fairly lost a hundred thousand sequins in one day, which I won back again in an hour. A minister, whose master's affairs did not fill up all his time, fell into my clutches; and in three or four months I eat him up a fine landed estate, together with his castle well furnish'd, a park, and equipage, with the little pyed horses. A favor of four minutes duration, but well spun out, brought us in feasts, presents and jewels: and the blind or politic Sambuco did not disturb us.
"I shall not bring into the accompt," added the Toy, "the marquisats, counties, titles, coats of arms, &c. which have been eclipsed at my appearance. Apply to my secretary, who will tell you what is become of them. I have close-pared the horns of the dominions of Biafara, and am in possession of an entire province of Beleguanza. Erguebzed made overtures to me a little before his death." At these words Mangogul turn'd off his ring, and silenced this gulph: he respected his father's memory, and would hear nothing that might tarnish the splendor of the great qualities, which he knew were in him.
Returning to the seraglio, he entertained the favorite with the vapored ladies, and with the trial of his ring on Thelis. "You admit this woman," said he, "to your familiarity: but in all probability you do not know her as well as I." "I understand you, sir," answered the Sultana. "Her Toy has perhaps been foolish enough to give you a narrative of her adventures with the general Micokof, the Emir Feridour, the senator Marsupha, and the great Bramin Ramanadanutio. But pray, who is ignorant, that she keeps young Alamir, and that old Sambuco, who speaks not a word, is as well apprized of it as you."
"You have not hit the mark," replied Mangogul. "I have compell'd her Toy to make a full discharge." "Had it swallowed any thing of yours," said Mirzoza. "No," said the Sultan, "but much belonging to my subjects, to the grandees of my empire, to the neighbouring potentates; as estates, provinces, castles, lakes, forests, diamonds, equipages, with the little pyed horses." "Without reckoning their reputation and virtue, sir," added Mirzoza. "I cannot tell what benefit you will reap by your ring; but the more you try it, the more odious my sex becomes to me: even those, whom I thought I justly held in some esteem, are not expected. They have thrown me me into such an humor, that I beg your highness will allow me to indulge it alone for some moments." Mangogul, who knew that the favorite was an enemy to all constraint, kiss'd her right ear thrice, and retired.
Mangogul, impatient to see the favorite again, slept little, arose earlier than usual, and was in her appartment before sun-rising. She had already rung the bell: a servant had just opened the curtains, and her women were preparing to dress her. The Sultan look'd narrowly around her, and seeing never a dog, he asked her the reason of this oddity. "I see," answered Mirzoza, "that you think me singular in this article, but there is nothing in it." "I assure you," replied the Sultan, "that I see dogs about all the women of my court, and you will oblige me in informing me why they have them, or why you have none. Most of them have several, and not one of them but lavishes such caresses on her own, as she seems not to bestow on her lover without some difficulty. How come these beasts to deserve the preference? What use is made of them?"
Mirzoza was puzzled at these questions: however, she made this answer. "To be sure, one keeps a dog as a parrot or a canary bird. It may be ridiculous to set one's heart on these animals; but there is nothing wonderful in having them: they sometimes amuse, and never injure. If they are caressed, 'tis because such caresses are of no consequence. Besides, do you believe, prince, that a lover is satisfied with a kiss, such as a woman bestows on her pug-dog?" "Doubtless, I believe it," says the Sultan. "By Jupiter the man must be very nice, who would not be satisfied."
One of Mirzoza's women, who had gain'd the good will of the Sultan and his favorite by sweetness of temper, good parts, and zeal, said: "These animals are inconvenient and nasty: they dirty one's clothes, spoil the furniture, tare laces, and do more mischief in a quarter of an hour, than would be sufficient to throw the most faithful lady's woman into disgrace: and yet they are kept."
"Tho', according to madam, they are good for nothing but that," added the Sultan.
"Prince," said Mirzoza, "we stick to our fancies, and the keeping of dogs must be one, like many others, which would be no longer fancies, if we could give a reason for them. The reign of monkeys is past, the parrots still support themselves. Dogs fell, and now they rise again. Squirrels have had their time: and it is with animals, as it has successively been with Italian, English, geometry, farthingales, and furbela's."
"Mirzoza," replied the Sultan, shaking his head, "has not all the knowledge that may be acquired on this subject; and the Toys——"
"Is not your highness going to imagine," said the favorite, "that you will be inform'd by Haria's Toy, why that woman, who saw her son, one of her daughters, and her husband, die without shedding a tear, wept the loss of her lap-dog for a whole fortnight."
"Why not?" replied Mangogul.
"Truly," says Mirzoza, "if our Toys could explain all our whims, they would be more knowing than ourselves."
"Pray, who disputes that with you?" replied the Sultan. "For my part I believe that the Toy makes a woman do a hundred things, without her perceiving it: and I have remark'd on more occasions than one, that a woman, who thought she was following her head, was obeying her Toy. A great philosopher placed the soul, I mean ours, in the pineal gland. If I allowed women to have one, I well know where I would place it."
"I excuse you from informing me," rejoin'd Mirzoza hastily. "But you will permit me at least," said Mangogul, "to communicate some notions to you, which my ring has suggested to me concerning women, upon a supposition that they have a soul. The experiments, which I have made with my ring, have made me a great moralist. I have neither the wit of La Bruyere, nor the logic of Port Royal, nor the imagination of Montaigne, nor the wisdom of Charron: but I have collected facts, to which perhaps they were strangers."
"Speak, prince," answered Mirzoza ironically, "I will hear you with all my ears. Moral essays of a Sultan of your age must be something curious."
"The system of Orcotomus is extravagant, with the leave of his fellow academician Hiragu: yet I find some sense in the answers which he gave to the objections started against it. If I allowed a soul to women, I would willingly suppose with him, that Toys have spoken from the beginning, but softly: and that the effect of the Genius Cucufa's ring is reduced to raising their voice. Upon this foundation nothing can be more easy than to define the whole sex.
"The sober woman, for example, would be she whose Toy is silent, or is not attended to.
"The prude, she who pretends not to listen to her Toy.
"The intriguing woman, she whose Toy desires a great deal, and who allows it too much.
"The voluptuous, she who gives ear to her Toy with complaisance.
"The courtezan, she on whom her Toy is making demands every moment, and who refuses it nothing.
"The coquette, she whose Toy is mute, or is not attended to; but who gives hopes to all the men that come near her, that her Toy will speak one day or other, and it may happen that she will not lend it a deaf ear.
"Well, delight of my soul, what do you think of my definitions?" "I think," said the favorite, "that your highness has forgot the tender woman."
"If I have not mentioned her," answered the Sultan, "'tis because I don't know what the term means; and that some able men pretend, that the word tender, abstracting from all connection with the Toy, is void of sense."
"How, void of sense," cried Mirzoza. "What! there is no medium then; and a woman must absolutely be a prude, an intriguer, a coquette, a voluptuous woman, or a libertin."
"Delight of my soul," said the Sultan, "I am willing to own the inaccuracy of my enumeration, and will add the tender woman to the preceding characters; but on condition that you will furnish me with a definition of her, which will not coincide with any of mine."
"Most willingly," said Mirzoza. "I hope to compass it without quitting your system."
"Let us see," added Mangogul.
"Well then," replied the favorite—"a tender woman is she——"
"Courage, Mirzoza," said Mangogul.
"Oh! I beg you won't disturb me. The tender woman is she——who has loved without a word utter'd by her Toy, or——whose Toy has never spoke, but in favor of the single man whom she loved."
It would not have been polite in the Sultan to chicane the favorite, and ask her what she understood by love: wherefore he avoided it. Mirzoza took his silence for consent, and proceeded, proud of having extricated herself from a difficulty, which to her appeared considerable. "Ye men believe, because we do not argue in form, that we do not reason. Know once for all, that we could as easily discover the falsity of your paradoxes, as ye that of our reasonings, if we would give ourselves the trouble. If your highness was less in a hurry to satisfy your curiosity on the subject of lap-dogs, I would in my turn give you a scrap of my philosophy. But it shall not be lost: I will reserve it for one of those days, that you will have more time to bestow on me."
Mangogul assured her that he had no better business, than to profit of her philosophical notions; that the metaphysics of a Sultana of twenty two, ought not to be less singular than the morals of a Sultan of his age.
But Mirzoza apprehending that this was pure complaisance in Mangogul, begg'd some time to prepare, and thus gave the Sultan a pretext for flying whither his impatience might call him.