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CALONICE
But won't the menMarch straight against us?
LYSISTRATA
And what if they do?No threat shall creak our hinges wide, no torchShall light a fear in us; we will come outTo Peace alone.
CALONICE
That's it, by Aphrodite!As of old let us seem hard and obdurate.
LAMPITOand some go off; the others go up into the Acropolis.
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Chorus ofOLD MENenter to attack the captured Acropolis.
Make room, Draces, move ahead; why your shoulder's chafed, I see,With lugging uphill these lopped branches of the olive-tree.How upside-down and wrong-way-round a long life sees things grow.Ah, Strymodorus, who'd have thought affairs could tangle so?
The women whom at home we fed,Like witless fools, with fostering bread,Have impiously come to this--They've stolen the Acropolis,With bolts and bars our orders floutAnd shut us out.
Come, Philurgus, bustle thither; lay our faggots on the ground,In neat stacks beleaguering the insurgents all around;And the vile conspiratresses, plotters of such mischief dire,Pile and burn them all together in one vast and righteous pyre:Fling with our own hands Lycon's wife to fry in the thickest fire.By Demeter, they'll get no brag while I've a vein to beat!Cleomenes himself was hurtled out in sore defeat.His stiff-backed Spartan pride was bent.Out, stripped of all his arms, he went:A pigmy cloak that would not stretchTo hide his rump (the draggled wretch),Six sprouting years of beard, the spilthOf six years' filth.
That was a siege! Our men were ranged in lines of seventeen deepBefore the gates, and never left their posts there, even to sleep.Shall I not smite the rash presumption then of foes like these,Detested both of all the gods and of Euripides--Else, may the Marathon-plain not boast my trophied victories!
Ah, now, there's but a little spaceTo reach the place!A deadly climb it is, a tricky roadWith all this bumping load:A pack-ass soon would tire....How these logs bruise my shoulders! further stillJog up the hill,And puff the fire inside,Or just as we reach the top we'll find it's died.Ough, phew!I choke with the smoke.
Lord Heracles, how acrid-hotOut of the potThis mad-dog smoke leaps, worrying meAnd biting angrily....'Tis Lemnian fire that smokes,Or else it would not sting my eyelids thus....Haste, all of us;Athene invokes our aid.Laches, now or never the assault must be made!Ough, phew!I choke with the smoke. ..
Thanked be the gods! The fire peeps up and crackles as it should.Now why not first slide off our backs these weary loads of woodAnd dip a vine-branch in the brazier till it glows, then straightHurl it at the battering-ram against the stubborn gate?If they refuse to draw the bolts in immediate compliance,We'll set fire to the wood, and smoke will strangle their defiance.
Phew, what a spluttering drench of smoke! Come, now from off my back....Is there no Samos-general to help me to unpack?Ah there, that's over! For the last time now it's galled my shoulder.Flare up thine embers, brazier, and dutifully smoulder,To kindle a brand, that I the first may strike the citadel.Aid me, Lady Victory, that a triumph-trophy may tellHow we did anciently this insane audacity quell!
Chorus ofWOMEN.
What's that rising yonder? That ruddy glare, that smoky skurry?O is it something in a blaze? Quick, quick, my comrades, hurry!Nicodice, helter-skelter!Or poor Calyce's in flamesAnd Cratylla's stifled in the welter.O these dreadful old menAnd their dark laws of hate!There, I'm all of a tremble lest I turn out to be too late.I could scarcely get near to the spring though I rose before dawn,What with tattling of tongues and rattling of pitchers in one jostling dinWith slaves pushing in!....
Still here at last the water's drawnAnd with it eagerly I runTo help those of my friends who standIn danger of being burned alive.For I am told a dribbling bandOf greybeards hobble to the field,Great faggots in each palsied hand,As if a hot bath to prepare,And threatening that out they'll driveThese wicked women or soon leave them charring into ashesthere.O Goddess, suffer not, I pray, this harsh deed to be done,But show us Greece and Athens with their warlike acts repealed!For this alone, in this thy hold,Thou Goddess with the helm of gold,We laid hands on thy sanctuary,Athene.... Then our ally beAnd where they cast their fires of slaughterDirect our water!
STRATYLLIS (caught)
Let me go!
WOMEN
You villainous old men, what's this you do?No honest man, no pious man, could do such things as you.
MEN
Ah ha, here's something most original, I have no doubt:A swarm of women sentinels to man the walls without.
WOMEN
So then we scare you, do we? Do we seem a fearful host?You only see the smallest fraction mustered at this post.
MEN
Ho, Phaedrias, shall we put a stop to all these chattering tricks?Suppose that now upon their backs we splintered these our sticks?
WOMEN
Let us lay down the pitchers, so our bodies will be free,In case these lumping fellows try to cause some injury.
MEN
O hit them hard and hit again and hit until they run away,And perhaps they'll learn, like Bupalus, not to have too much to say.
WOMEN
Come on, then--do it! I won't budge, but like a dog I'll biteAt every little scrap of meat that dangles in my sight.
MEN
Be quiet, or I'll bash you out of any years to come.
WOMEN
Now you just touch Stratyllis with the top-joint of your thumb.
MEN
What vengeance can you take if with my fists your face I beat?
WOMEN
I'll rip you with my teeth and strew your entrails at your feet.
MEN
Now I appreciate Euripides' strange subtlety:Woman is the most shameless beast of all the beasts that be.
WOMEN
Rhodippe, come, and let's pick up our water-jars once more.
MEN
Ah cursed drab, what have you brought this water for?
WOMEN
What is your fire for then, you smelly corpse? Yourself to burn?
MEN
To build a pyre and make your comrades ready for the urn.
WOMEN
And I've the water to put out your fire immediately.
MEN
What, you put out my fire?
WOMEN
Yes, sirrah, as you soon will see.
MEN
I don't know why I hesitate to roast you with this flame.
WOMEN
If you have any soap you'll go off cleaner than you came.
MEN
Cleaner, you dirty slut?
WOMEN
A nuptial-bath in which to lie!
MEN
Did you hear that insolence?
WOMEN
I'm a free woman, I.
MEN
I'll make you hold your tongue.
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WOMEN
Henceforth you'll serve in no more juries.
MEN
Burn off her hair for her.
WOMEN
Now forward, water, quench their furies!
MEN
O dear, O dear!
WOMEN
So ... was it hot?
MEN
Hot! ... Enough, O hold.
WOMEN
Watered, perhaps you'll bloom again--why not?
MEN
Brrr, I'm wrinkled up from shivering with cold.
WOMEN
Next time you've fire you'll warm yourself and leave us to our lot.
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MAGISTRATEenters with attendantSCYTHIANS.
MAGISTRATE
Have the luxurious rites of the women glitteredTheir libertine show, their drumming tapped out crowds,The Sabazian Mysteries summoned their mob,Adonis been wept to death on the terraces,As I could hear the last day in the Assembly?For Demostratus--let bad luck befoul him--Was roaring, "We must sail for Sicily,"While a woman, throwing herself about in a danceLopsided with drink, was shrilling out "Adonis,Woe for Adonis." Then Demostratus shouted,"We must levy hoplites at Zacynthus,"And there the woman, up to the ears in wine,Was screaming "Weep for Adonis" on the house-top,The scoundrelly politician, that lunatic ox,Bellowing bad advice through tipsy shrieks:Such are the follies wantoning in them.
MEN
O if you knew their full effrontery!All of the insults they've done, besides sousing usWith water from their pots to our public disgraceFor we stand here wringing our clothes like grown-up infants.
MAGISTRATE
By Poseidon, justly done! For in part with usThe blame must lie for dissolute behaviourAnd for the pampered appetites they learn.Thus grows the seedling lust to blossoming:We go into a shop and say, "Here, goldsmith,You remember the necklace that you wrought my wife;Well, the other night in fervour of a danceHer clasp broke open. Now I'm off for Salamis;If you've the leisure, would you go tonightAnd stick a bolt-pin into her opened clasp."Another goes to a cobbler; a soldierly fellow,Always standing up erect, and says to him,"Cobbler, a sandal-strap of my wife's pinches her,Hurts her little toe in a place where she's sensitive.Come at noon and see if you can stretch out widerThis thing that troubles her, loosen its tightness."And so you view the result. Observe my case--I, a magistrate, come here to drawMoney to buy oar-blades, and what happens?The women slam the door full in my face.But standing still's no use. Bring me a crowbar,And I'll chastise this their impertinence.What do you gape at, wretch, with dazzled eyes?Peering for a tavern, I suppose.Come, force the gates with crowbars, prise them apart!I'll prise away myself too.... (LYSISTRATAappears.)
LYSISTRATA
Stop this banging.I'm coming of my own accord.... Why bars?It is not bars we need but common sense.
MAGISTRATE
Indeed, you slut! Where is the archer now?Arrest this woman, tie her hands behind.
LYSISTRATA
If he brushes me with a finger, by Artemis,The public menial, he'll be sorry for it.
MAGISTRATE
Are you afraid? Grab her about the middle.Two of you then, lay hands on her and end it.
CALONICE
By Pandrosos I if your hand touches herI'll spread you out and trample on your guts.
MAGISTRATE
My guts! Where is the other archer gone?Bind that minx there who talks so prettily.
MYRRHINE
By Phosphor, if your hand moves out her wayYou'd better have a surgeon somewhere handy.
MAGISTRATE
You too! Where is that archer? Take that woman.I'll put a stop to these surprise-parties.
STRATYLLIS
By the Tauric Artemis, one inch nearerMy fingers, and it's a bald man that'll be yelling.
MAGISTRATE
Tut tut, what's here? Deserted by my archers....But surely women never can defeat us;Close up your ranks, my Scythians. Forward at them.
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LYSISTRATA
By the Goddesses, you'll find that here await youFour companies of most pugnacious womenArmed cap-a-pie from the topmost louring curlTo the lowest angry dimple.
MAGISTRATE
On, Scythians, bind them.
LYSISTRATA
On, gallant allies of our high design,Vendors of grain-eggs-pulse-and-vegetables,Ye garlic-tavern-keepers of bakeries,Strike, batter, knock, hit, slap, and scratch our foes,Be finely imprudent, say what you think of them....Enough! retire and do not rob the dead.
MAGISTRATE
How basely did my archer-force come off.
LYSISTRATA
Ah, ha, you thought it was a herd of slavesYou had to tackle, and you didn't guessThe thirst for glory ardent in our blood.
MAGISTRATE
By Apollo, I know well the thirst that heats you--Especially when a wine-skin's close.
MEN
You waste your breath, dear magistrate, I fear, in answering back.What's the good of argument with such a rampageous pack?Remember how they washed us down (these very clothes I wore)With water that looked nasty and that smelt so even more.
WOMEN
What else to do, since you advanced too dangerously nigh.If you should do the same again, I'll punch you in the eye.Though I'm a stay-at-home and most a quiet life enjoy,Polite to all and every (for I'm naturally coy),Still if you wake a wasps' nest then of wasps you must beware.
MEN
How may this ferocity be tamed? It grows too great to bear.Let us question them and find if they'll perchance declareThe reason why they strangely dareTo seize on Cranaos' citadel,This eyrie inaccessible,This shrine above the precipice,The Acropolis.Probe them and find what they mean with this idle talk; listen,but watch they don't try to deceive.You'd be neglecting your duty most certainly if now this mysteryunplumbed you leave.
MAGISTRATE
Women there! Tell what I ask you, directly....Come, without rambling, I wish you to stateWhat's your rebellious intention in barring up thus on our nosesour own temple-gate.
LYSISTRATA
To take first the treasury out of your management, and so stop the warthrough the absence of gold.
MAGISTRATE
Is gold then the cause of the war?
LYSISTRATA
Yes, gold caused it and miseries more, too many to be told.'Twas for money, and money alone, that Pisander with all of the army ofmob-agitators.Raised up revolutions. But, as for the future, it won't be worth whileto set up to be traitors.Not an obol they'll get as their loot, not an obol! while we have thetreasure-chest in our command.
MAGISTRATE
What then is that you propose?
LYSISTRATA
Just this--merely to take the exchequer henceforth in hand.
MAGISTRATE
The exchequer!
LYSISTRATA
Yes, why not? Of our capabilities you have had various clear evidences.Firstly remember we have always administered soundly the budget of allhome-expenses.
MAGISTRATE
But this matter's different.
LYSISTRATA
How is it different?
MAGISTRATE
Why, it deals chiefly with war-time supplies.
LYSISTRATA
But we abolish war straight by our policy.
MAGISTRATE
What will you do if emergencies arise?
LYSISTRATA
Face them our own way.
MAGISTRATE
Whatyouwill?
LYSISTRATA
Yeswewill!
MAGISTRATE
Then there's no help for it; we're all destroyed.
LYSISTRATA
No, willy-nilly you must be safeguarded.
MAGISTRATE
What madness is this?
LYSISTRATA
Why, it seems you're annoyed.It must be done, that's all.
MAGISTRATE
Such awful oppression never,O never in the past yet I bore.
LYSISTRATA
You must be saved, sirrah--that's all there is to it.
MAGISTRATE
If we don't want to be saved?
LYSISTRATA
All the more.
MAGISTRATE
Why do you women come prying and meddling in matters of state touchingwar-time and peace?
LYSISTRATA
That I will tell you.
MAGISTRATE
O tell me or quickly I'll--
LYSISTRATA
Hearken awhile and from threatening cease.
MAGISTRATE
I cannot, I cannot; it's growing too insolent.
WOMEN
Come on; you've far more than we have to dread.
MAGISTRATE
Stop from your croaking, old carrion-crow there....Continue.
LYSISTRATA
Be calm then and I'll go ahead.All the long years when the hopeless war dragged along we, unassuming,forgotten in quiet,Endured without question, endured in our loneliness all your incessantchild's antics and riot.Our lips we kept tied, though aching with silence, though well all thewhile in our silence we knewHow wretchedly everything still was progressing by listening dumbly theday long to you.For always at home you continued discussing the war and its politicsloudly, and weSometimes would ask you, our hearts deep with sorrowing though we spokelightly, though happy to see,"What's to be inscribed on the side of the Treaty-stoneWhat, dear, was said in the Assembly today?""Mind your own business," he'd answer me growlingly"hold your tongue, woman, or else go away."And so I would hold it.
WOMEN
I'd not be silent for any man living on earth, no, not I!
MAGISTRATE
Not for a staff?
LYSISTRATA
Well, so I did nothing but sit in the house, feeling dreary, and sigh,While ever arrived some fresh tale of decisions more foolish by far andpresaging disaster.Then I would say to him, "O my dear husband, why still do they rush ondestruction the faster?"At which he would look at me sideways, exclaiming, "Keep for your weband your shuttle your care,Or for some hours hence your cheeks will be sore and hot; leave thisalone, war is Man's sole affair!"
MAGISTRATE
By Zeus, but a man of fine sense, he.
LYSISTRATA
How sensible?You dotard, because he at no time had lentHis intractable ears to absorb from our counsel one temperate word ofadvice, kindly meant?But when at the last in the streets we heard shouted (everywhere ringingthe ominous cry)"Is there no one to help us, no saviour in Athens?" and, "No, there isno one," come back in reply.At once a convention of all wives through Hellas here for a seriouspurpose was held,To determine how husbands might yet back to wisdom despite theirreluctance in time be compelled.Why then delay any longer? It's settled. For the future you'll takeup our old occupation.Now in turn you're to hold tongue, as we did, and listen while we showthe way to recover the nation.
MAGISTRATE
Youtalk tous!Why, you're mad. I'll not stand it.
LYSISTRATA
Cease babbling, you fool; till I end, hold your tongue.
MAGISTRATE
If I should take orders from one who wears veils, may myneck straightaway be deservedly wrung.
LYSISTRATA
O if that keeps pestering you,I've a veil here for your hair,I'll fit you out in everythingAs is only fair.
CALONICE
Here's a spindle that will do.
MYRRHINE
I'll add a wool-basket too.
LYSISTRATA
Girdled now sit humbly at home,Munching beans, while you card wool and comb. For war from now onis the Women's affair.
WOMEN.
Come then, down pitchers, all,And on, courageous of heart,In our comradely ventureEach taking her due part.
I could dance, dance, dance, and be fresher after,I could dance away numberless suns,To no weariness let my knees bend.Earth I could brave with laughter,Having such wonderful girls here to friend.O the daring, the gracious, the beautiful ones!Their courage unswerving and wittyWill rescue our city.
O sprung from the seed of most valiant-wombed grand-mothers,scions of savage and dangerous nettles!Prepare for the battle, all. Gird up your angers. Our waythe wind of sweet victory settles.
LYSISTRATA
O tender Eros and Lady of Cyprus, some flush of beauty Ipray you deviseTo flash on our bosoms and, O Aphrodite, rosily gleam onour valorous thighs!Joy will raise up its head through the legions warring andall of the far-serried ranks of mad-loveBristle the earth to the pillared horizon, pointing in vain tothe heavens above.I think that perhaps then they'll give us our title--Peace-makers.
MAGISTRATE
What do you mean? Please explain.
LYSISTRATA
First, we'll not see you now flourishing arms about into theMarketing-place clang again.
WOMENNo, by the Paphian.
LYSISTRATA
Still I can conjure them as past were the herbs stand or crockery's soldLike Corybants jingling (poor sots) fully armoured, they noisily roundon their promenade strolled.
MAGISTRATE
And rightly; that's discipline, they--
LYSISTRATA
But what's sillier than to go on an errand of buying a fishCarrying along an immense. Gorgon-buckler instead the usual platteror dish?A phylarch I lately saw, mounted on horse-back, dressed for the partwith long ringlets and all,Stow in his helmet the omelet bought steaming from an old woman whokept a food-stall.Nearby a soldier, a Thracian, was shaking wildly his spear like Tereusin the play,To frighten a fig-girl while unseen the ruffian filched from herfruit-trays the ripest away.
MAGISTRATE
How, may I ask, will your rule re-establish order and justice in landsso tormented?
LYSISTRATA
Nothing is easier.
MAGISTRATE
Out with it speedily--what is this plan that you boast you've invented?
LYSISTRATA
If, when yarn we are winding, It chances to tangle, then, as perchance youmay know, through the skeinThis way and that still the spool we keep passing till it is finally clearall again:So to untangle the War and its errors, ambassadors out on all sides we willsendThis way and that, here, there and round about--soon you will find that theWar has an end.
MAGISTRATE
So with these trivial tricks of the household, domestic analogies ofthreads, skeins and spools,You think that you'll solve such a bitter complexity, unwind such politicalproblems, you fools!
LYSISTRATA
Well, first as we wash dirty wool so's to cleanse it, so with a pitilesszeal we will scrubThrough the whole city for all greasy fellows; burrs too, the parasites,off we will rub.That verminous plague of insensate place-seekers soon between thumb andforefinger we'll crack.All who inside Athens' walls have their dwelling into one great commonbasket we'll pack.Disenfranchised or citizens, allies or aliens, pell-mell the lot of themin we will squeeze.Till they discover humanity's meaning.... As for disjointed and farcolonies,Them you must never from this time imagine as scattered about just likelost hanks of wool.Each portion we'll take and wind in to this centre, inward to Athenseach loyalty pull,Till from the vast heap where all's piled together at last can be wovena strong Cloak of State.
MAGISTRATE
How terrible is it to stand here and watch them carding and winding atwill with our fate,Witless in war as they are.
LYSISTRATA
What of us then, who ever in vain for our children must weepBorne but to perish afar and in vain?
MAGISTRATE
Not that, O let that one memory sleep!
LYSISTRATA
Then while we should be companioned still merrily, happy as brides may,the livelong night,Kissing youth by, we are forced to lie single.... But leave for a momentour pitiful plight,It hurts even more to behold the poor maidens helpless wrinkling instaler virginity.
MAGISTRATE
Does not a man age?
LYSISTRATA
Not in the same way. Not as a woman grows withered, grows he.He, when returned from the war, though grey-headed, yetif he wishes can choose out a wife.But she has no solace save peering for omens, wretched andlonely the rest of her life.
MAGISTRATE
But the old man will often select--
LYSISTRATA
O why not finish and die?A bier is easy to buy,A honey-cake I'll knead you with joy,This garland will see you are decked.
CALONICE
I've a wreath for you too.
MYRRHINE
I also will fillet you.
LYSISTRATA
What more is lacking? Step aboard the boat.See, Charon shouts ahoy.You're keeping him, he wants to shove afloat.
MAGISTRATE
Outrageous insults! Thus my place to flout!Now to my fellow-magistrates I'll goAnd what you've perpetrated on me show.
LYSISTRATA
Why are you blaming us for laying you out?Assure yourself we'll not forget to makeThe third day offering early for your sake.
MAGISTRATEretires, LYSISTRATAreturns within.
OLD MEN.
All men who call your loins your own, awake at last, ariseAnd strip to stand in readiness. For as it seems to meSome more perilous offensive in their heads they now devise.I'm sure a TyrannyLike that of HippiasIn this I detect....They mean to put us underThemselves I suspect,And that Laconians assemblingAt Cleisthenes' house have playedA trick-of-war and provoked themMadly to raidThe Treasury, in which term I includeThe Pay for my food.
For is it not preposterousThey should talk this way to usOn a subject such as battle!
And, women as they are, about bronze bucklers dare prattle--Make alliance with the Spartans--people I for oneLike very hungry wolves would always most sincere shun....Some dirty game is up their sleeve,I believe.A Tyranny, no doubt... but they won't catch me, that know.Henceforth on my guard I'll go,A sword with myrtle-branches wreathed for ever in my hand,And under arms in the Public Place I'll take my watchful stand,Shoulder to shoulder with Aristogeiton. Now my staff I'll drawAnd start at once by knockingthat shockingHag upon the jaw.
WOMEN.
Your own mother will not know you when you get back to the town.But first, my friends and allies, let us lay these garments down,And all ye fellow-citizens, hark to me while I tellWhat will aid Athens well.Just as is right, for IHave been a sharerIn all the lavish splendourOf the proud city.I bore the holy vesselsAt seven, thenI pounded barleyAt the age of ten,And clad in yellow robes,Soon after this,I was Little Bear toBrauronian Artemis;Then neckletted with figs,Grown tall and pretty,I was a Basket-bearer,And so it's obvious I shouldGive you advice that I think good,The very best I can.It should not prejudice my voice that I'm not born a man,If I say something advantageous to the present situation.For I'm taxed too, and as a toll provide men for the nationWhile, miserable greybeards, you,It is true,Contribute nothing of any importance whatever to our needs;But the treasure raised against the MedesYou've squandered, and do nothing in return, save that you makeOur lives and persons hazardous by some imbecile mistakesWhat can you answer? Now be careful, don't arouse my spite,Or with my slipper I'll take you napping,faces slappingLeft and right.
MEN.
What villainies they contrive!Come, let vengeance fall,You that below the waist are still alive,Off with your tunics at my call--Naked, all.For a man must strip to battle like a man.No quaking, brave steps taking, careless what's ahead, white shoed,in the nude, onward bold,All ye who garrisoned Leipsidrion of old....Let each one wagAs youthfully as he can,And if he has the cause at heartRise at least a span.
We must take a stand and keep to it,For if we yield the smallest bitTo their importunity.Then nowhere from their inroads will be left to us immunity.But they'll be building ships and soon their navies will attack us,As Artemisia did, and seek to fight us and to sack us.And if they mount, the Knights they'll robOf a job,For everyone knows how talented they all are in the saddle,Having long practised how to straddle;No matter how they're jogged there up and down, they're never thrown.Then think of Myron's painting, and each horse-backed AmazonIn combat hand-to-hand with men.... Come, on these women fall,And in pierced wood-collars let's stickquickThe necks of one and all.
WOMEN.
Don't cross me or I'll looseThe Beast that's kennelled here....And soon you will be howling for a truce,Howling out with fear.But my dear,Strip also, that women may battle unhindered....But you, you'll be too sore to eat garlic more, or one black bean,I really mean, so great's my spleen, to kick you black and blueWith these my dangerous legs.I'll hatch the lot of you,If my rage you dash on,The way the relentless BeetleHatched the Eagle's eggs.
Scornfully aside I setEvery silly old-man threatWhile Lampito's with me.Or dear Ismenia, the noble Theban girl. Then let decreeBe hotly piled upon decree; in vain will be your labours,You futile rogue abominated by your suffering neighbourTo Hecate's feast I yesterday went.Off I sentTo our neighbours in Boeotia, asking as a gift to meFor them to pack immediatelyThat darling dainty thing ... a good fat eel [1] I meant of course;
[Footnote 1:Vide supra, p. 23.]
But they refused because some idiotic old decree's in force.O this strange passion for decrees nothing on earth can check,Till someone puts a foot out tripping you,and slipping youBreak your neck.